Category: 10 to Track

Fridays, here at Noob we put on our adventure outfits and Trot the Globe.  What’s that mean?

Schedules run a little light most everywhere right before the weekend.   Rather than a stay-cation, we pack our bags and binoculars and head out to see the footyball world!  Take some time to see tournaments, clubs and leagues we don’t get to the rest of the week.

As always, we start more local, then we jet-set to soccer hinterlands of wonder.

1. CF America vs. Pachuca – Liga MX Femenil

Time for the Semifinals in Mexico’s top women’s league! These are the Apertura (first half-season) playoffs, meaning they’ll have another half-season and set of playoffs right after this set ends.

Semifinalists will play two-legged, home-and-away ties to see who makes the Finals. Since America won their regular season Group (the league is divided into two), they get to host the second match of this series.

The teams were pretty similar statistically throughout the Apertura. Neither team led their Group in goal-scoring or defense, but both were very balanced. America leaned a touch more heavily on their defense, so odds are they’ll keep the pace under control, the score low.

RESULT:   0-0

B. Sinaloa vs. San Luis – Ascenso MX

Mas Mexico! Ascenso is the second division league there, and this is the first match of their Apertura finals. The top eight teams all made these playoffs.

Surprisingly, these two finalists were just 7^th and 5^th in the regular season, respectively. These were the lowest-scoring teams off all those that made the playoffs (and some that didn’t). This won’t be the smexiest series ever, with goals likely being hard to come by all around.

RESULT:   Sinaloa   1-0

We can agree to disagree.

This fellow always sees the Smexy in everything.

3. Cardiff City vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – English Premier League

The only EPL match today involved two teams that were in the second-division Championship league last season. They finished #B and #1, respectively.

Cardiff are playing like they’re headed right back down. They’re in a three-way tie for last and three teams is the number that will be Relegated. They don’t score much, but the defense has been even more lacking. They’ve lost three of four coming into today.

Wolves – even though their nickname is officially Wanderers – had a hot start to the season, sit in 11^th place. But they haven’t won in their last five outings. They don’t score, which was fine when they weren’t conceding many goals, either. But that’s changed. So look for this to at least be entertaining, likely to be a shootout.

RESULT:   Cardiff   2-1         a come from behind that win that – for the moment – lifts them out of the Relegation zone

4. Solihull Moors vs. Blackpool – England FA Cup

This is the Second Round Proper of England’s FA Cup Noobites, check out the vocab page at the top of this site for a few more details on what that entails.

The only match from this event today features a home team from the fifth level of the English soccer pyramid. Some teams from the sixth tier are alive as well, but fifth is low enough we can call them Minnow – an underdog fans all over will cheer for to make a deep run in the event.

Solihull are in the National League premier division. They’re in 5^th so far this season. Last year, they nearly got Relegated to one of the regional National League for finishing so low. Good balance, a little more reliant on their defense.

Blackpool are from the third division – League one. They’re just a bit better than average there. If they want to be more than that, it’s going to require a surge in offensive power they’ve yet to display.

RESULT:   0-0        So they’ll play again in a few days, but at Blackpool

If you don’t look too closely, it appears the horse is trying to make someone slow dance with it.

5. Dundee United vs. Ayr United – Scotland Championship

This is the Scots’ second-tier league. It’s earlyish, yet the league is starting to shape up to be a three-horse race. But just one will be automatically Promoted to Premier. The next top few finishers will have a Playoff to see what other club also moves up.

Ayr sport the league;’s second -best O and D, which has them in 1^st. Noob thinks Ross County will be the only true competition they’ll have by the end. Dundee can score, but don’t have the defense apparently to keep pace long-term. A home match like today’s is the perfect chance to be proven wrong though.

RESULT:   Ayr   0-5

6. Lorient vs. Lens – Ligue 2

The top two in the French second division will move up at season’s end automatically, while the next three battle for one more berth.

The defense for these two is good enough to get them where they want to be. But only two teams have serious goal-scoring capability and these ain’t them. These two are in 3^rd and 4^th place. A draw feels likely. If either wins, that puts the other one in a bad way for the title race.

RESULT:   2-2

French defense is the funniest

7. Shandong Luneng vs. Beijing Gouan – China FA Cup

The Final! And the second leg, at that. When the two met in Beijing for the first match, it ended 1-1. The two finished 3^rd and 4^th in the Super League this year. Of the top four, Shandong are the ones who rely on their defense, so this may be a tight, tactical affair on their pitch.

The top for league finishers in China all qualify for the next Champions League in Asia. The stakes seem to be today that the winner will get to enter that tournament at the Group Stage, while the vanquished will have to play through a pre-group stage qualifying round.

RESULT:   2-2     …which means Beijing are your FA Cup winners!     Aggregate score is 3-3, which means Beijing win on away-goals tiebreaker.

8. Cameroon vs. Mali – Africa Women Cup of Nations

Cup of Nations is the premier international Cup event in Africa, held every two years. This version’s been hosted in Ghana. Here we’ve reached the Consolation Match, a battle for 3^rd place.

FIFA ranks these nationals teams as 49^th and 89th- best in the world, but 3^rd and 10th-best in the CAF. Both can score, but Cameroon defends well, too. Both advanced to the Knockout Round out of the same Group, so they’ve played already during this event. Cameroon won 2-3.

RESULT:   Cameroon   4-2            Bronze to the home side

9. Sepahan vs. Padideh – Persian Gulf Pro League

Iran’s top flite is rated as the fifth-strongest in all Asia. As such, they will qualify two clubs into the next AFC Champions League. As of right now, these would be them.

Sepahan are the only club in the league scoring a whopping 2+ goals per match. Irresistable force, mean Immovable object. Padideh give up less than one every other match. The former are one of two clubs that are still undefeated. But the latter lead everyone because they win a lot more than they draw.

RESULT:   Sepahan   1-0

10. Gokulam vs. Churchill Brothers – India I-League

A reminder: This is one of two leagues considered “top tier” in India. I-League is the one that actually qualifies a team into the AFC Champions League. They only get one team in, as they are ranked only14^th in the confederation.

Churchill are undefeated, but so are Chennai City, and the latter get mostly wins, not draws. That’s why they lead Churchill Bros. By seven points in the table already, just five-six matches into the season.

Gokulam are just a point further back. They score pretty well, for a team that isn’t Chennai anyway. Both teams come in having won two matches in a row.

RESULT:   1-1

So long from Kozhikode, home of Gokulam!

Backwater Cruises here and around Kerala look heavenly.

All week long, Noob endeavors to provide concise, entry-level info for matches, leagues and tournaments the world over.   The newish American fans of the global game deserve no less!

Mondays, world scheds tend to run a little light.  So Noob invites us all to embrace the sadness of a Monday, celebrate with Matches of Suckitude and Fun Facts!

Most of the matches involve at least one team on the edge of being Relegated – kicked out of their league for poor performance.

1. Burnley vs. Newcastle United – English Premier League

Not a Relegation match. At least not presently. In fact, things have been looking up for Newcastle! They started the season on a desperately awful winless streak. But they’ve won two in a row now and not lost in three. Bottom three get Relegated in England and these results have lifted Newcastle to 15^th. But they’re still just one point in the table ahead of all the last place clubs.

Burnley are in 17^th. They’ve also had two wins on the league season, but none recently. A road draw at Leicester just got them off a three-match losing skid. They so putrid on defense, one almost forgets that they don’t score much either. How there are three teams worse than them is nearly beyond Noob, but the numbers it all up.

RESULT:   Newcastle   1-2

B. Hamburger SV vs. Union Berlin – 2. Bundesliga

It’s Suckitude flashback! Last year, Hamburger was Relegated to this, Germany’s second division. This is the first time they’d ever been sent down. They were the only team in the country to have always been in the top flite. Suckitude Redemption? It’s looking that way so far. The top two here will get Promoted at season’s end and HSV are tied for 1^st.

But Union Berlin are coming to town. They’re 4^th place, pretty good, undefeated, and statistically weird. They’re record is 5-8-0. They’re the best defensive team in the league and it’s not even that close.

RESULT:   2-2

Number B wonders why the face is on the bottom bun.

(With bits like this, hard to believe Noob hasn’t been picked up by a larger interwebs site.)

3. Botafogo vs. Parana Clube – Brazil Serie A

One win in their last 22 matches. Parana Clube were the fourth and final team Promoted last season from Serie B. They’re going right back down, have been so bad they should be Demoted right to Serie, oh, H. Do they go that low? Probably not.

The team just above them in the table actually plays worse defense. Not sure that’s the right turn of phrase. No defense is being played. But Parana only score half has much as the next-most impotent offense in the league.

The only reason Botafogo might not win by 2+ goals today is that with two matches to go, they’re fate is sealed – win, lose or draw. They’re headed to Copa Sudamericana, South America’s answer to Europa League.

Fun Fact:   Parana Clube are from the city of Curitiba, which means “Araucaria Nut Land”, araucaria being a Brazilian candelabra tree.

RESULT:   Botafogo   2-1

4. Defense y Justicia vs. Tigre – Argentina Premier

Argentina’s is one of those leagues that uses a multi-year Relegation table. It’s too bad Tigre are all but certain to get The Boot after this season. They’re actually not much worse than half-bad now, 17^th place of 26 clubs. The offense has improved to downright so-so!

But they crapped the bed so badly for the two years prior, there’s about no saving themselves now.

RESULT:   DyJ   2-1

No.

No no no no no.

5. Petrojet vs. Smouha – Egypt Premier

Petrojet would be in last instead of just above it, but Al Ahly is below them for the moment. Getting all the way to the CAF Champions League finals meant postponing a lot of domestic matches for them.

Funny thing is, Petrojet doesn’t look half bad at all on paper. They’re record is as bizarre as Union Berlin’s – 1-9-4! They’re pretty average on both sides of the ball, but a 60% draw-rate is cartoonish and ultimately unhelpful to their cause. Smouha are in 5^th, lean defensively, will try to keep the score down. Look for a 1-1 draw, Noob supposes.

Fun Fact:    FC Barcelona of Spain’s La Liga called, says to drop the “Egyptian Barcelona” nickname you’ve been using.  Knock it off until you no longer suck.

RESULT:   Petrojet   5-1      Not just a Monday miracle, but a blowout!

6. Tivoli Gardens vs. Harbour View – Jamaica Premier

Time for the getting to know our CONCACAF neighbors-portion of the program! And what we can now know is that Harbour View has the worst defense on the island. Not that they score much, but the only smell more powerful than the sweet ganj all over the place there is the bitter odor coming from their back line and goalkeeper.

Tivoli are in 3^rd. They’re offensive numbers don’t look tremendous so far. That changes today though.

RESULT:   Tivoli   5-1       This game may have been played yesterday

You’re welcome.

7. Aarhaus vs. Horsens – Denmark Superliga

The bottom eight of the 14 Danish clubs will later in the season have their own subdivision and then Relegation Playoffs. So now, the goal is to avoid that danger and get into the top six.

Neither of these – the 11^th and 9th-place clubs – have the offense to climb to that Championship subdivision which will form later. Just no scoring firepower to be found between them.

Fun Fact:    Last year, Aarhus was a designated European Capital of Culture.   The city is particular noted for its musical history, being a jazz hotbed in the 1950’s.

RESULT:   Horsens   1-2

8. Ermis Aradippou vs. Doxa Katokopia – Cyprus First Division

This league is like Denmark’s. D.K. Might have the scoring capability to eke out a top-six finish and avoid the Relegation subdivision later this season, but sit in 8^th for now. E.A. are in 10^th, almost appear allergic to scoring.

RESULT:   1-1

Too cool a crest for D2

9. Botosani vs. Universitatea Craiova – Romania Liga I

Botosani are another of the type of team we keep running into on today’s Track that just get waaaaay too many draws to make any headway in their table. If they could shore up their porous defense much at all, this could be a club that actually climbs from nearly last place all the way to a top-half finish and safety. Gotta get to top six here, too, to avoid Relegation subdivision play later.

Unfortunately for them, that trek probably doesn’t start today. Craiova are well-balanced, strong on both sides of the ball. They’re in 4^th now, and Noob thinks they’ll give FCSB all they can handle for the title.

Fun Fact:  The city of Botosani is home to an internationally award-winning puppet theatre group.

RESULT:   Botosani   2-1

10. Arka Gdynia vs. Wisla Krakow – Poland Ekstraklasa

We finish our Track today with a match involving perhaps the best club that’s technically in a Relegation Zone. Gdynia are in 9^th. If they can climb just one little spot in the table, they’ll be clear of the Relegation subdivision in Poland. And they’ve already got an impressive three road wins on the season. They lack just a little on offense to make a hard push towards the league contenders.

Wisla Krakow are in 6^th. This makes Noob wear the sadpants, as I picked them to win this league.

RESULT:    Gydnia   4-1           At this point, Krakow are just taunting me

So long from Noob and Mister Sadpants.

International Break is done.   Players who star for their countries’ national teams are returned again to their clubs.  We can give thanks now, carbo-load on domestic league action.

1. River Plate vs. Boca Juniors – Copa Libertadores

The Final! This is event is South America’s version of Champions League. And it’s been one for the ages. While they are not way up in the table in Argentina’s Primera this particular season, these are two of the greatest historical clubs in country.

The first match of this two-legged tie for the title went 2-2. That was at Juniors, and now they will play at River’s stadium. Not that either is much of a true away game for the other. Both clubs are from greater Buenos Aires, another reason they’re such gigantic rivals.

RESULT:       ppd             The match has been delayed until tomorrow.  River Plate fans attacked Juniors’ bus.   Tear gas police used to disperse the crowd got into the bus, making the Juniors’ players extremely ill.

Update, 11/25  —  the match is not postponed indefinitely.   The powers that be will meet in two days.  They insist their intention is to see the game played.

B. Pachuca vs. Leon – Liga MX

The last matches of the Apertura (first-half season) are being played. This one has the most meaning.

Top eight make the Liguilla (postseason tournament) and Pachuca are in 9^th. But if they win today, they’re in. In fact, they could even climb as high as 6^th, pending other match results. A draw would get them nothing, has to be a W. They were streaking hard towards the Liguilla, scoring like crazy, when they had a massive hiccup right before the Break – a scoreless draw with bottom-feeders Atlas.

Leon haven’t even scored in three matches. Pachuca will be in the Liguilla.

RESULT:   Pachuca   1-1          

International Break is done.  Number B, let’s get that bear back to work.

3. Atletico Madrid vs. Barcelona – La Liga

The table had been all mixed up compared to normal in Spain right until just before International Break began. But now things have seemingly returned to near-normal.

Barcelona are #1, but lead the next two teams by just one point in the table.. They’d been on a long non-losing streak in-league, but suffered a strange loss to lowly Real Betis right before the Break. They score nearly three goals per match. Outrageous.

Atletico Madrid are one of the clubs tied for #B. They score and concede fewer than half as many as Barcelona on both counts.

RESULT:   1-1

4. Tottenham   Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Chelsea – English Premier League

A dozen matches into the season and there are still three undefeated teams here. Chelsea is the third-place of them. Noob-dreaded Hotspur are in 4^th, just a point behind them in the table, despite three losses.

For less-seasoned Noobites, Hotspur are named for multi-time traitor-to-kings Harry Hotspur. It raises Noobs ire that something as beloved as a football club would be named for such a cretinous yahoo. We shall carry no truck with such! In a soon-coming interview with TottenhamHotspurWorld’s Will Rivard, perhaps some sort of explanation will come. Can’t imagine one that would excuse it, but we shall see.

Aaaaanyway. Over Hotspur’s current league three-match win streak, they’ve been winning both shootouts and defensive affairs. The biggest name to know for them is striker Harry Kane.

Chelsea are more potent on offense on the season, yet have ridden their D over there own three-match non-losing streak. Kepa Arrizabalega is their goalie with the fun name to say, though Noob thinks the strength of their defense is actually the defenders in front of him.

RESULT:   Hotspur   3-1       In a rout!   Kane with a goal, Chirstian Eriksen with two assits

Sir Topham Hatt calls out Will Rivard. 

Spicy.

5. Toluca vs. CF America – Liga MX Femenil

The regular season Apertura is done and the Liguilla has begun for Mexico’s top-flite women’s clubs! The top four from each of the league’s two Groups qualified. In all rounds, the teams will play two-legged ties (home-and-away series) to determine which advances.

Despite finishing 3^rd in their Group, Toluca entered as the #6 seed. They apparently lost every tiebreaker with the other two teams in the league that had the same number of points in the table as they did. Noob thinks they’re the second-best team in the league. Thankfully, they’re on the other side of the bracket as #1-seed Tigres UANL, could meet them for the title.

That possibility is in real jeopardy though. They got just a draw in the first leg at home versus #2-seed CFA. Based on regular season numbers. Toluca is likely to push the pace. At home, can their defense hold up enough?

RESULT:   CFA   3-1      On to the Semis for America!

6. Real España vs. Olimpia – Honduras National League

They’re also in the Apertura postseason in Honduras. The top six finishers qualified for the Playoffs. This is the first leg of a Quarterfinal. #5 seed Real pulled the minor upset, advancing over #4 Marathon. As the #B seed, Olimpia enters the bracket only now.

Real must be a hoot to watch. Stats show they absolutely live the “good offense is the best defense” old saw. Highest-scoring team in the league, but gave up nearly as many. Olimpia are really well-balanced, yet who know what will happen against run-and-gunners like Real.

RESULT:   2-2

Hoot hoot.   The rare Honduran panda owl is the mascot of Olimpia.

No chance Noob just made that up.

7. Amical Club vs. Arsenal – Guadeloupe Division d’Honneur

As a French Overseas Territory and not fully sovereign, Guadeloupe doesn’t get to be in FIFA. But as a Caribbean country, they’re welcome in CONCACAF! Halloo, neighbors.

Top two finishers in this league qualify for the Caribbean Football Union (subdivision of CONCACAF) Club Championship. In turn, that event is a qualifier for our federation’s Championss League.

It’s very early in the season here and three undefeated teams remain. These two are in 3^rd and 1^st place. Amical look like a “small-ball” squad. Pack it in on defense, don’t worry about scoring. Half their matches have been draws and they’ll get many more. Arsenal and Moulien are going to be the real contenders.

8. Radnicki Nis vs. Red Star Belgrade – Serbia Super Liga

Let’s hop back over to Europe for a hawt #B-#1 matchup. Serbia’s is a league on the rise, cracking the top 20 in the rankings for 2019. But only the top 15 leagues qualify two teams into Champions League, so it’s still winners-take-all here.

The season’s roughly half over here and Red Star are once again the rampant force. Undefeated, and only one team has even earned a draw with them. And that wasn’t Nis. Red Star took their first match this year in Belgrade 2-0. They dominate so much on both sides of the ball, Noob thinks the best Nis can reasonably manage today is to keep the margin to a one-goals loss on their own pitch.

RESULT:   2-2

Radnicki Nis would a lovely name for a keetee.

9. Zeta vs. Sutjeska – Montenegro First Division

Just the 49th-rated league in Europe? That doesn’t stop the Track from making it’s way here. We’re gonna know our football world. And what are they gonna do? Some countries are just smaller.

Plus, this is shaping up to be a fantastic title race. Sutjeska lead the league and nearly the halfway mark, just two points up in Zeta (with whom Noob is less familiar) and Buducnost Podgorica (historical big team here).

Sutjeska look to have the offense to create some separation over the next couple months and snag the trophy. But Zeta are about as good on defense. If they can control the pace at home, slow things down, no reason to think they can’t get a result in their own stadium today.

RESULT:   0-0

Honorable Mention: Congrats to Norwegian Eliteserien champions Rosenborg! They’ll head to Champions League. The other two slots for Europa league are also sewn up here late in their season. And so we say goodbye to Norway league footyball until next summer. Soon, they all go hibernate for six months, then start training again.

10. Al-Jazeera vs. Shabab Al-Ordon – Jordan Premier League

Never, ever ask Noob to ignore the shiny luster of a #1-#B matchup. I’ll either gnash my teeth at you or start crying like a small child. Hey, head-med dosages are tricky. Back off.

Jordan’s league is #16 in Asia, just below the 1/3 notch on that ladder. Looking at their whole table, it seems like no one scores a lot here. They’re the Mr. Glass to the unbreakable David Dunn that is Tahiti, where they score goals as easy as taking in a little sun.

That said, undefeated Al-Jazeera are the outlier, scoring almost two goals per match. They finished runners-up to the then even higher-scoring Al-Wehda last season. Al-Ordon are tied for #B with also-undefeated Al-Salt.

RESULT:   1-1

Noob wonders if they hate Santa in Amman, Jordan (home of Al-Jazeera).

It was known as Philadelphia during Roman and Greek times there.

The backbone of Noob is the ’10 to Track – the matches most important for us as new American fans of the game to follow.  That and the out-of-left-field humor, and that’s for (or not for!) everyone.

Mondays, football scheds run light, so Noob offers up mostly Relegation matches – ones involving at least one team about to be booted from its league for poor performance.

But it’s International Break, and that means very limited league action!  The UEFA Nations League is wrapping up its Group Stage.  We’ll hit that and some international CONCACAF action before getting to one Relegation nugget.

1. Germany vs. Netherlands – UEFA Nations League

Once again, here’s that link for Noob’s ‘Explainer’, in brief, for what this tournament is:

http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

Germany is already Relegated no matter how they do today. They will play in one of the League B groups when this tournament is on again in two years.

Netherlands are a point behind France. Since France have played all four of their matches and since Netherlands have a higher goal differential, all the Dutch have to do is get a draw today and they win the Group, advance to the League A playoffs.

The teams are ranked #15 and #14 by FIFA, respectively. Netherlands won their home leg against the Germans in this event 3-0.   (2:45 PM EDT, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   2-2         One almost has to wonder if the Germans decided to stick it to France, sandbagged in the second half.  Germany led 2-0, and a Netherlands loss would’ve meant the French won the Group.  

B. Cyprus vs. Norway – UEFA Nations League

This is a League C matchup, where there are four teams in each Group, not three. Norway and Bulgaria are tied in the table heading into this last match. They’re ranked 86^th and 48^th in the world. Given this disparity, Noob thinks Norway is easily a goal favorite, even on the road.

RESULT:   Norway   0-2        And it was enough, Norway win the group

Old Scandanavian futhark runic alphabet

yet there’s Number B, recognizable and timeless

3. Bulgaria vs. Slovenia – UEFA Nations League

But a win for Norway may not mean anything if Bulgaria win as well. Norway lead on goal differential, but only by one.

Bulgaria and Slovenia are ranked #35 and #62 by FIFA. Both games are being started at the same time, presumably so neither has an advantage knowing the others progress or result.

RESULT:   1-1

4. Macedonia vs. Gibraltar – UEFA Nations League

#68 Macedonia lead this League D group, by three over Armenia. So, if they achieve even a draw today, they win the Group. It’s hard to think Gibraltar – ranked #190 – will be much of a road block.

RESULT:   Macedonia   4-0            Group winnahs!

But Gibraltar is full of monkeys.

not even kidding

5. Lichtenstein vs. Armenia – UEFA Nations League

The one thing going for #101 Armenia is that if somehow Macedonia does lose, a win of any sort will do for Armenia. They already have a higher GD than Macedonia, giving Armenia the tiebreaker. Liechtenstein isn’t much better than Gibraltar (at just #182). But Armenia does face this one on the road.

RESULT:   2-2

6. Saint Kitts and Nevis vs. Canadia – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Reminder of what we have with this tournament: All but the six teams that pre-qualified for League A of the 2019-20 Nations League and Gold Cup are here. Each men’s national team plays just four matches against a relatively even cross-section of teams from the field. Top ten finishers will join those pre-qualified in the Gold Cup, though only the top six will play League A in the NL.

Canadia are one of the better teams that had to play this tournament. FIFA ranks them eighth-best in all CONCACAF, #76 worldwide. In this event, they’re already in 5^th, and most of the teams around them have played three matches to Canadia’s two.

SKN are the 14th-most highly rated team in the federation. They’re in 7^th, also having played just two games so far.

RESULT:   Canadia   0-1         looking like this was played yesterday

spiffy logo all set for next year

7. Barbados vs. U.S. Virgin Islands – CONCACAF Nations League

Neither of these will get anywhere close to the top ten like the above teams. USVI are going to be near the very bottom, wind up in League C. Barbados are currently in a League B-position, though near the bottom of that. FIFA ranks them at #200 and #162.

RESULT:   Barbados   3-0          also looking like was played last night

8. New Zealand vs. Tonga – Women’s World Cup qualification

Noob covered a match from this event yesterday, but had not realized what all was going on! This is the OFC Nations Cup. The winner qualifies for next year’s World Cup and the next Olympics.

In any case, the Group Stage is just beginning. Eight teams, two Groups, top two finishers from each advance to the Knockout Round. All matches are being hosted in New Caledonia.

Ever since Australia left for the AFC a few years ago, New Zealand have been the dominant power in the federation and #20 in the world. Tonga’s team have been inactive internationally for at least a year and a half, aren’t part of rankings.

RESULT:    NZ   11-0       not a typo

See, they have a logo and everything

9. Osasco Audax vs. Union Española – Copa Libertadores Feminina

It’s the gals’ South American version of Champions League and it’s Group Stage is just getting started.

Brazil’s Osasco Audax officially the defending champions. Last year, the team was partnered with one in the Corinthians club organization, but the latter have started their own team now. It’s not clear to Noob which club Audax is affiliated, but appears to be a second-tier one from Sao Paulo. U.E. are reigning Ecuadaorian champs.

There were no Rounds prior to this Group Stage. The 12 competing teams are divded into three Groups of four. The winners of each Group and the highest-performing runners-up will advance to the Knockout Stage.

A Fun Fact is that starting next year, no men’s team will be allowed to compete in the Copa Libertadores unless they have a women’s team.

RESULT:   Union   0-1

10. Istiklol Fergana vs. Aral Nukus – Uzbekistan Pro League A

It just wouldn’t be a Monday here at Noob without at least one Relegation match. With it being the European international break, this league was the only one Noob could find anywhere in the world with a Match of Suckitude offered in even its top two leagues.

This looks ot be the last match of the Uzbek second-tier season. It’s been known there for some time that Nukus and Norin would be the two teams to go down to Pro League B next year. But Norin only leads Nukus by a point in the table, so not finishing in last is still up for grabs.

Nukus’ offense only appears to be bad. It’s the defense that’s world-class awful. They’ve conceded 75 goals in 31 matches. Today, the visit the league’s #3 team. Nukus won’t keep the margin within two here.

RESULT:   Fergana   3-0

If you recognize the city name Nukus, unhappily it is where the Red Army did it’s work on the Novichok agent.