Category: 10 to Track

Saturday, 1/27

1. Milton Keynes Dons vs. Coventry City – English FA Cup

The Fourth Round Proper rolls onward.  This is a fun, minnow-y match.  It’s more fun because Noob-Adopted Coventry City is one of the lowest-league teams remaining.   MK Dons are struggling mightily in the third tier League One.  Coventry is in League Two, but the upper echelon of it.

RESULT:   Coventry   0-1

 

Noob needs one of those crazy Coventry hats, like, yesterday!

B.  CF America vs. Atlas – Liga MX

In the Apertura (first-half season), these two finished 2nd and 8th respectively.  Here in the Clausura. America has yet to lose a game three matches in, while Atlas has crapped the bed (0-0-3).

RESULT:   America   1-0

 

 

Is it any wonder Noob is questing for Number B?

3. Valencia vs. Real Madrid – La Liga

The 2017-18 football story in Spain continues to be the struggles of Real.  The two-time defending European champions are only in 4^th place.  Two other clubs are within three points of them for the final league berth in Champions League.  Valencia leads them by five points, in 3^rd place.

RESULT:   Real   1-4

4. Neroca vs. Minerva Punjab – I-League

#2 hosts #1!   Noob understands the Punjabis might well bring samosas to share.

RESULT:   Punjab   0-1

 

 

Delicious with mint chutney

 

 

Honorable Mention Saturday matches:  PSG vs. Montpelier, Bayern Munich vs. Hoffenheim, ChievoVerona vs. Juventus, Boca Juniors vs. Colon, Alianza vs. Aguila, Kaizer Chiefs vs. Mamelodi Sundowns

Sunday, 1/28

5. USA vs. Bosnia and Herzegovina – international friendly

FIFA ranks the two national teams as #25 and #38.  Population difference:  ~325 million : ~3.5 million

RESULT:   0-0

6. Cardiff City vs. Manchester City – English FA Cup

Cardiff’s in 3^rd place in the second-division Championship league.  Man City, is, well, Man City.  1^st.

At least after finally losing – to Liverpool a week or so back – we know Man City is human.  Either that, or they sandbagged for one match to put Noob off the scent that they might all be super-aliens.

RESULT:   Man City   0-2

 

But a Man City alien would wear blue.

Detective Noob – foiled again. 

 

7. Toluca vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

These two are in 11^th and 5^th early here in the Clausura.  In the Apertura, they were almost perfectly flipflopped, finishing 4^th and 11^th.

RESULT:   1-1

8. Marseille vs. AS Monaco – Ligue 1

No one’s likely to catch PSG for 1^st, so the battle is on for the other two Champions League berths.  Marseille and Monaco are in 3^rd and 4^th and just a point apart, and 2^nd place is only a point up on Marseille.

Based at least on goal differential, Monaco is the better team, thanks to their offense.   Since they’re on the road, this may be the most competitive match of the weekend.

RESULT:   2-2

This is exactly how Noob imagines everything to look in France.

Awesome.

9. Gent vs. Club Brugge – Belgian First Division A

Brugge has run away with the regular season title; they only await coronation at this point.  The question becomes how will they approach the rest of their league season as they prep for the league playoffs?  Gent is in 4^th, reasonably comfortable fin a top six spot for a league playoff berth.

RESULT:   Gent   2-0

10. Congo vs. Libya – African Nations Championship

This biennial event has reached it’s eight-team Knockout stage.  Since the event is in Morocco, no need for two-legged ties- this is one-and-done.  Though the winner will probably have to play host Morocco.  Oops.  Unfortunate draw, guys.

RESULT:   Libya   1-1  /  3-5 pk

 

 

Some soccer oops (oopses?) are worse than others

 

 

 

Honorable Mention Sunday matches:  Roma vs. Sampdoria, Bolivar vs. Jorge Wilstermann, Alianza vs. Aguila, Plateau United vs. MFM FC, Carabobo vs. Estudiantes Merida

Where’s Jennifer Garner, Noob’s got some double miles to rack up!   TGIGF, Noobites.   Friday’s lighter schedule for “big” leagues gives way weekly to our Globetrotting.

As always, we’ll start with more familiar locales, then chart soccer parts less-known.  We’re all travelling footyball first class.

1. Yeovil Town vs. Manchester United – English FA Cup

Huish Park Glovers, you can doo eet!  Noob-Adopted League Two (fourth tier) Yeovil has made the Fourth Round Proper.  With only 31 other teams remaining, the competition was bound to take a severe step up.  And so it is, with Premier League #2 Man U paying a call.

Fun Fact:  Notts County, Coventry City and Newport County are the other surviving League Two clubs.

RESULT:   Man Utd.   0-4

B.  Tijuana vs. Puebla – Liga MX

Neither of this these teams have lost a match three games into the Clausura (second half-season).  They only finished 11^th and 15^th respectively in the Apertura, so it will be muy divertido to see if either can keep up the seeming improvement.

RESULT:   Tijuana   2-0

 

Nothing says divertido like balloons and Number B.

3. Universitario vs. Oriente Petrolero – Copa Libertadores qualification

19 teams are competing for four spots in South America’s version of Champions League.  This is the part of the first preliminary stage, featuring just six of those clubs.

These are the fourth-best teams from their nations.  We Tracked the first leg of this tie just a few days ago, and Bolivian Oriente Petrolero held serve and a little extra, with a 2-0 victory.  Peruvian Universitario is the better team on paper, but not by so much that overcoming that margin won’t be really difficult.

RESULT:   Oriente Petrolero   1-3      Aggregate finishes at 3-3.  O.P. advances on away goals (1).

4. Colo Colo vs. Santiago Wanderers – Supercopa de Chile

This is an annual event to kick off the league season.  Noob wonders if this is the most bizarre matchup they’ve ever had.

Last season’s Premier League winner (Colo Colo) is taking on the FA Cup winner (Wanderers).  What makes this is odd is that Wanderers did so poorly last season in league the last two seasons, they were relegated to the country’s second division.

RESULT:   Colo Colo   3-0

5. Talleres vs. San Lorenzo – Superliga Argentina

These two are in 5^th and 2^nd place.  This is a surprising start for Talleres.  The league is 30 teams deep, and they were only just promoted to the top flight this season.

San Lorenzo finished in 8^th last season, missing out Copa Libertadores qualification by just one spot in the table.

RESULT:   Talleres   2-0

6. Carabobo vs. Estudiantes Merida – Venezuela Premier

The season is just kicking off here.   These two finished in 3^rd and 4^th place in the Clausura last season.

RESULT:   moved to Monday

 

And you thought NFL celebrations were weird.  Carabobo…

7. IF Gnistan vs. HJK Helsinki – Finnish Cup

This tournament is in the Group stage, its fifth round.  The top two finishers from each of five Groups of six will advance.   Top flight-HJK won their first match, while fellow Helsinkians and recently-demoted-to-third-tier Gnistan earned a draw in theirs.

RESULT:   HJK   0-8

8. Dunfermline vs. St. Mirren – Scottish Championship

St. Mirren is starting to pull away with the second-division league title.  Dunfermline is in 3^rd.  Their goal differential is only five less than St. Mirren, yet they trail by 15 points in the table.  They’ve got the offense to possibly pull of the upset here, cement their league playoff position for a possible promotion.

In fact, Noobstradamus is calling this one for “The Pars”!

RESULT:   St. Mirren   1-0     Noobstradamus fail

 

“The Pars”?    Do I have time to reconsider this prognostication?

 

9.  Matoury vs. Remire – French Guiana Division d’Honneur

3^rd place hosts 7^th in this French territorial top-flight league.   Their table works different than most.  Teams get four points for a win, two for a draw, and one point for just showing up and losing.

RESULT:   Matoury   6-1

10. Sidekicks vs. UOG – Guam Soccer League

11^th hosts 3^rd place.  Only the league winner qualifies for the AFC Champions League (and only the preliminary round at that).

Funnest Fact:  Even though they they are a woeful 15^th place of 17 teams in this league, Noob’s adopting…FC Beercelona!

RESULT:   1-1

 

 

You’re goldurn right.

As usual, our midweek ten most important games to track from around the world are largely European Cup matches.  The Finals of many approach, and the drahmah heightens!

Enjoy this midweek feast, though image/lame comedy-free.  Also, the Prognostication Challenge will either be added in tomorrow or have its own shiny new Page.   (Noob’s adjusting to his new real-life work sched and starting a three week-‘Daniel fast’.  Setting the old body/sleep clock.)

Prognostication Challenge is going on hiatus as a feature, to be reviewed for a re-start at a date TBD.

Tuesday, 1/23

1. Bristol City vs. Manchester City – EFL Cup

Remember, Noobites, this is different from the FA Cup.  Only the top four leagues’ teams get to play this event.

The Semifinals are the one round where the teams play two-legged ties (home and away series).  Division two-Bristol managed to eliminate Manchester United, but can they make it two Man-teams in a row?  The two-legged tie will make this much more difficult.   As if facing England’s #1 team wouldn’t be tough enough.

RESULT:   Man City   3-2      And Man City took the first leg of this tie 1-2, so they advance to the final 5-3 on aggregate.

B.  Shrewsbury Town vs. Oldham Athletic – EFL Trophy

Reminder of what this one is: a tournament for the third and fourth-tier league teams, plus youth elite teams of the top two leagues’ clubs.  This event has reached its Quarterfinals.

Nothing against Oldham, but Shrewsbury is Adopted, one of Noob’s fave teams. The traitorous Harry “Hotspur” Percy met his death there, and it is hallowed ground.  And “The Shrews” will prevail!  Should, anyway.   They’re near the top of the League One (third-tier) table, while Oldham is on the opposite end.

RESULT:   Shrewsbury   2-1

3. Canet Rousillon vs. Caen – Coupe de France

This is France’s version of FA Cup.  Its reached the round of 32, and here we have featured one of the lowest-tiered teams remaining.  Rousillon plays in one of the National 3 leagues, the fifth level of French football.

Caen may not be a household name here, but they are Ligue One and should dominate.  But we’ll have fun cheering on the Minnow!

RESULT:   Caen   1-1  /  3-4  pk      So close

4. Celaya vs. Pachuca – Copa MX

This is the second Copa of the 2017-18 season for Mexico.  They play two league tournaments, have two Cups.  Bueno!   This even is in its opening Group Stage.  Celaya are the underdog from the second-tier Ascenso League, but they’re the best team from it.

achuca, meanwhile is not strong as Liga MX teams go.  They should still be favored, but a home side win wouldn’t be a complete stunner.

Wednesday, 1/24

5. Arsenal vs. Chelsea – EFL Trophy

This two-legged Semifinal pits the Premiere League’s #6 team vs. #2.  They score at about the same clip, but Chelsea’s goal-defense is almost literally twice as good.

RESULT:   Arsenal   2-1

6. Rangers vs. Aberdeen – Scottish Premier

Neither team is likely to catch #1 Celtic, but these two will get the league’s Europa League berths.   They’re about as even matched as teams can be.

RESULT:   Rangers   3-2

7. Monterrey vs. UAT – Copa MX

Monterrey is arguably the best team in North America.   UAT barely finished in the top half of Ascenso MX during the Apertura (first half-season).  If you like a Cinderella possibility, “The Roadrunners” are the team for you.

RESULT:   Monterrey   2-0

8. Santos vs. Toluca – Copa MX

The Apertura #14 hosts #5 here.  The winner will likely advance to the next round.

RESULT:   Santos   2-1

9. Sporting CP vs. FC Porto – Portugal League Cup

It’s a shame these two are meeting in the semifinal final instead of a round later.  These are the #2 and #1 teams in all the country.  And unlike with most FA and secondary cups (this is the latter), the semifinals are played at a neutral site (Braga).

RESULT:   Sporting   0-0  /  4-3 pk

Thursday, 1/25

10. Barcelona vs. Espanyol – Copa del Rey

This is the second leg of this Spanish FA Cup Quarterfinal.   You may recall we Tracked the first leg several days back, and that lowly Espanyol actually got a 1-0 win!   Things could be very different on the road against league-leading Barcelona, but it bets going into their house already down.

RESULT:   Barcelona   2-0

Monday, we embrace the darkness you bring.  Instead of mourning another weekend gone by, we celebrate you with Relegation-teams!

The ten most important soccer matches around the world for us, the newish American fans, always gives way on Mondays to focus on teams that may soon be dropped into lower league.  Let’s get to know some hopeless saps!

1. Swansea City vs. Liverpool – English Premier League

Last place Swansea has scored just 14 goals in 23 games.   To borrow from British parlance, that’s “no bueno”.

Liverpool is in 4^th, holding down this league’s final qualification slot for the next Champions League.  Noob loves rooting for an underdog has much as the next Amuricuhn, but Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur lurk just two points behind them.  And if you’re a regular on this site, you know how Noob feels about the traitorously-named Hotspur squad.

RESULT:   Swansea   1-0     Noob may have been pulling for Liverpool, but it’s hard not to smile at a Relegation Monday miracle!

 

 

No delicious cookies, just death for traitors.

B.  Eibar vs. Málaga – La Liga

Last place Málaga have about as much trouble scoring as Swansea (13 goals in 19 games).  At least their opponent isn’t quite as strong as Liverpool.  Eibar are in 11^th.

Fun Fact:  if you’re wondering what that odor is, it is Málaga, but perhaps not just their offense.  They are nicknamed “The Anchovies”.

RESULT:   1-1

 

 

Sweet Number B!  Separate yourself from such atrocity.

3. Ermis Aradippou vs. Olympiakos Nicosia – Cypriot First Division

The bottom two in Cyprus’ top league will be automatically Dropped.   The next few compete in a Relegation-avoidance tournament at season’s end.  These two, in 10^th and 11^th, fall squarely in the middle of that group.

Fun Fact:  Φτεροπόδαροι – which Noob believes is Greek – means “Stingray”, Aradippou’s nickname.

RESULT:   Aradippou   4-0

4. Beitar Jerusalem vs. Bnei Sakhnin – Israeli Premier

In Israel, 7^th-14^th place play in a Relegation avoidance tournament at season’s end.  It’s unlikely any of those bottom eight will move up to 5^th.  Sakhnin occupies 9^th currently.  As they are tied for the league’s worst offense, it’s wonder they’re even that high.   Beitar jerusalem’s in 3^rd.

Fun Fact:  Sakhnin is an Arab city.  Even at just shy of 100, it is home to more Sufi Muslims than any other town in Israel.

RESULT:   Beitar   4-2

5. Sharjah Cultural Club vs. Al-Dhafra – Arabian Gulf League (U.A.E.)

Noob’s sources are in conflict.  This league’s name may now be “U.A.E. Pro-League”.  In any case, Al-Dhafra may not be part of whatever it’s called much longer.  They sit in last.  On the other hand, their goal differential is more in line with one of the mid-table clubs.

Noobstradamus is stepping in, divining that “The Western Knights” can pull off the win at 8^th place Sharjah.  Sharjah is tied for the worst offense in the league.

RESULT:   Sharjah   2-0      Noobstradamus fail

 

 

Never trust a bad offense.  Or girls who don’t dig older guys.

6. Hapoel Petah Tikva vs. Hapoel Ramat HaSharon – Liga Leumit

Unlike with Israel’s top-flight league, the mid-table is much more crowded in the second division league.  16 teams play in this one, and the bottom half will play a Relegation-avoidance tournament.

Petah Tikva is in 10^th, actually have a positive goal differential, and are only two points out of the top half of the standings.  7^th-place HaSharon, in addition to the weird capital S in the middle of their name, have a 0 GD.  They almost never draw.

So Noobstradamus is doubling down on upsets for today and calling this one for the home side!

RESULT:   HPT   1-0     Noobstradamus success!

 

 

NoobstradamuS.   At least my new capital S bookends the N nicely.

7. Denizlispor vs. Adanaspor – Turkey First League

Three teams will be demoted from this second-tier league.  Denizlispor sits atop that group of three, but is four points away from getting out of the Drop Zone.

Three teams will also move up from this into Super Lig.  The top two are promoted automatically, whole the next four have a playoff for the third berth.  Adanaspor are there, tied for 5^th.

Fun Fact:  On their crest, the host’s club name is stylized in all caps, except for the i’s.  Noob’s unsure if this is usual in Latinized Turkish writing or not.

RESULT:   Denizlispor   3-1      More Relegation Monday madness!

And now for a few non-Relegation matches

8. Israel vs. Finland – UEFA women’s World Cup qualifying

The teams vying for 2019 World Cup from Europe are divided into seven Groups of five each.   Each Group plays a double round-robin.  The winners will advance to WC, while the four best runners-up will have a Playoff.

Finland is in 2^nd place in their Group, three points behind Spain.  Israel sucks out loud, and it’s deafening.  Even at home, Israel would be doing well to only lose by two.

RESULT:   0-0

 

 

Inspiration from silly Gentile Phil Knight.

9. Universitario vs. Oriente Petrolero – 2018 Copa Libertadores qualification

Six teams are playing in this, the first qualifying stage for entry into South America’s version of Champions League.  These two are the fourth and final teams to get in from Peru and Bolivia respectively.  They will play a two-legged tie (home and away series) to advance to the next qualifying stage of sixteen teams.

Interesting side note:  The seedings for these teams, used to determine at which qualifying stage each enters, is in part based on tournament results going all the way back to 1960.  So historically good teams continue to have a distinct advantage.

RESULT:   Petrolero   2-0      Noob had the home and away teams turned around

10. Zambia vs. Namibia – African Nations Championship

Reminder of what we have here – CHAN is a biennial tournament competed by Africa’s 16 best national teams.  Noob’s uncertain how they determine that, given that players the teams for this event must be citizens of AND play in a league of the country they represent.

The top two finishers from each Group of four will advance.  Each Group team plays the others just once.  Zambia and Namibia have already both qualified for the next round, both being 2-0.  But finishing 1^st or 2^nd matters for seeding in the Knockout round.

RESULT:   1-1

 

-Jackie- CHAN??   No.

Dan the Intern-o Inferno strikes again.

Nice call on the squeegee, though.

TGIGF!

The Midweek ‘ten most important games for the newish American soccer fan’-edition was full of epic glory and sadness.

Minnowish third-tier Wigan took Noob-fave Bournemouth out of the FA Cup.  Espanyol gave Barcelona it’s first defeat of the season, in Copa del Rey.  And Dorados nearly pulled of the unthinkable in leading Monterrey for most of their Copa MX match.

But now we rack up a googol of frequent flier miles as we trot the globe on a lightly-scheduled Friday.

1. Atlas vs. Toluca – Liga MX

We start in North America, and with the only match we can easily get on the tube (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes).

Neither club won either of the two games they’ve played so far in the Clausura (second half-season).  Toluca earned a draw in one.  In the Apertura (first half-season), they finished 8^th and 5^th respectively.

 

 

Mexican Corbin Bernsen also stars on Univision.

B.  Norway vs. Scotland – women’s international friendly

It is strange-seeming to Noob that friendlies are going on during the middle of 2019 women’s World Cup qualifying.  But the world is full of strangeness, and this doesn’t move the needle in comparison to most of it.  These two are in 3^rd and 2^nd in their qualifying Groups of five there.

RESULT:   Norway   3-0

 

Ladies – especially pirate ones – love the Number B.

3. Slovakia vs. Russia – women’s international friendly

Russia is 0-1-1 in their WC qualifying Group.  Slovakia is 0-0-4 with a -14 goal differential.  I don’t think the hosts need this game for a tune-up or anything.   They’re not moving into the next WCQ round.

RESULT:   Slovakia   1-0

4. Derby County vs. Bristol City – EFL Championship

Derby County is in 2^nd place in England’s second-tier league.  They only lead Cardiff City by two points in the table, and only the top two teams will be automatically promoted to Premier League at season’s end.

Bristol City is in 5^th.  3^rd through 6^th place play a mini-tournament at the end of the year to determine which third team will also get promoted.  They lead the 6^th place teamS by four points.   They are suspect on defense and Noob wonders if they will make that playoff at all.

RESULT:   0-0

5. Libya vs. Nigeria – African Nations Championship

A reminder on what we have here:  This tournament is for the 16 best-rated countries in Africa.  The national teams may only be comprised of a countries’ citizens who also play in a league in that country.

This event in its Group Stage.  Each pod of four teams plays a single Round Robin.  The top two from each will advance.  Libya won their first match.  Nigeria only managed a draw in theirs, so this one is of vital importance to them.

RESULT   Nigeria   0-1

6. Racing de Olavarria vs. Ferro Carril Sud – Copa Argentina

If you’re thinking the Copa Argentina just crowned a champion, good on you, Noobite!   They’re already starting the 2017-18 version.  This match in particular isn’t so much “important” in and of itself so much as Noob’s letting you know the event is actually beginning.

In this opening round, they keep the third and fourth-level teams separate, only playing among themselves.  Only half has many fourth-level teams play though.  These two are from that level (Torneo Federal B).   I can’t tell you much else about them, but that the hosts are nicknamed “Steel”.

RESULT:     now listed as 1/27

 

 

You impressed Sean William Scott with your Copa recollection.

7. KPV vs. TPV Tampere – Finnish FA Cup

Four rounds have been completed in this event, and now begins the Group Stage.  Only now do teams from the country’s top two leagues even start playing.  KPV plays in the second tier, while TPV is from the third.

Fun fact:  KPV’s town of Kokkola also has a club just supported by Swedish-speakers (GBK).

RESULT:   0-0

8. Manama vs. East Riffa – Bahrain Premier

5^th hosts 7^th in a league that only seems to play 18 games per season.  They’re through 10 already.

Fun Fact:  As their rivals Al Ahli have much more success on the pitch, Manama specializes in buying and selling young players from African and Europe.

RESULT:   1-1

 

 

Manama(na).

9. MS PDB vs. Kasuka – Brunei Super League

7^th hosts 4^th.   This league is really only about three teams.  Kasuka are the best of the rest.

10. Kuressaare vs. Maardu – Estonia Winter Tournament

This is a preseason tournament for teams from multiple leagues.  They’re just a game into the opening Group Stage.

Maardu won the second-tier league last season, but declined promotion to the top league for financial reasons.  Kuressaare are the team that gets their promotion slot into the Meistrliiga instead.

Funnest Fact of All:   Noob just LOVES the return of getting to type and read “Meistrliiga”.   Those double i’s just mesmerize me.

 

Not the double i’s Noob meant, Father.

 

But I see you, baybee!

*inhale*   Ahhhh, the sweet smell of desperation.  Teams trying to not get Relegated, sent down a league at their seasons’ ends.  Let the scent fill your nostrils, Noobites.   Like cilantro, you’ll never get rid of it.

The rest of the week, we mostly focus on the “ten most important games” from everywhere, for us- the newish American fans.  Mondays, we embrace the pain and get to know some teams that might be about to go bye-bye.

1. Manchester United vs. Stoke City – English Premier League

Man Utd. is now is a three-way tie for second, though have played one less game than those others.  But this is Relegation Monday, and so let’s give Stoke City our attention and a big hug.  They’re in 17^th place of 20, just below the Drop Line.

Fun Fact:  Their local rivals are Port Vale of fourth-tier League Two.  Their matches are called “The Potteries Derby”, named after the local industry.

RESULT:   Man Utd.   3-0

 

 

 

Can he give any other kind?

B.  Estoril vs. FC Porto – Primeira Liga

Estoril is tied for last place in Portugal.  Even at home, their fortunes aren’t likely to improve as they host #2 and still undefeated Porto.

RESULT:   Estoril   1-0      It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

 

 

How long must we be tormented with whack-job #2’s??

Noob quests for the Number B.

3. Moreirense vs. Vitoria de Setubal – Primeira Liga

It’s a Portuguese double dose!  Vitoria de Setubal only lead Estoril on goal differential.  At least they’ve got a realistic chance of a Relegation Monday win, as Moreirense is only one spot better in the table.

Moreirense can’t score, and Setubal can’t play defense.   Who will decide to suck less?

RESULT:   2-2

4. Maccabi Haifa vs. Maccabi Tel Aviv – Ligat Haal

The bottom eight of Israel’s top-flight 14 teams play in a Relegation avoidance tournament at season’s end.  Maccabi Haifa is down in 10^th, nine points away from the top six.  Still, they play better-than-average defense. 4^th-place MTA doesn’t score that well for a top-half club.  And so…

Noobstradamus is calling this one for the home side!  “The Green Locomotive” shall prevail.

RESULT:   Tel Aviv   1-3

 

 

What’s Hebrew for “chug-a chug-a CHOO CHOO”?

5. Alki Oroklinis vs. Olympiakos Nicosia – Cypriot First Division

Cyprus’ top league sports 14 clubs.  The bottom two get automatically Relegated at season’s end.  The next six play in a Relegation avoidance tournament.  That is where we find these two currently, in 9^th and 11^th place.  O.N. gives up more than two goals per game, league-worst.

RESULT   1-1

6. Gokulam vs. Churchill Brothers – I League

India’s worst two teams!   Only one will get Relegated, however.  Until the Bros. can win a match, that’s going to be them.

Maybe they should try the Indian national sport of kabaddi.

RESULT:   Churchill Bros.   2-3      Win!  That’s -1-.

7. Njombe Miji vs. Kagera Sugar – Tanzania Premier

Njombe Miji needs a win just to pull into a tie with several other clubs for last team Relegated.   But who knows what they might do against 9^th place Kagera.   Neither of these teams could find the back of the net if you gave them maps.

RESULT:   Njombe Miji   1-0     More Relegation Monday magic!

8. Nigeria vs. Rwanda – African Nations Championship

Each national team in this tournament can only field players who are both from and play in a league based in each country.  It is held every other year, and only the top 16 teams are invited.  This one is being hosted by Morocco.

The teams are divided into four Groups for a single Round Robin.  The top two from each Group will advance to the Knockout Stage.  This is the first game for these two entrants.

RESULT:   Nigeria   3-0

 

Cheeseheads have nothing on this event’s fans.

9. Libya vs. Equatorial Guinea – African Nations Championship

These two play in the same group as the teams above.  First game.

RESULT:   0-0

10. Jordan vs. Denmark – international friendly

Denmark is tuning up for the World Cup.  Jordan…Noob’s not sure what Jordan is getting out of this.  They are #107 and #12 respectively.

RESULT:   3-2

 

One possible answer:  the teams’ gift exchange

Ah, the weekend!  Friday spanning the globe for hinterland-soccer is grand, but the weekend is about the Big Leagues.  The European ones are starting to really shake themselves out at about the 2/3 mark of their seasons.  If any teams have dreams of making a move, the time is now.

Let’s dig into the ten most important matches of the weekend, for us – the newish American soccer fans!

Saturday, 1/13

1. Chelsea vs. Leicester City – English Premier League

Chelsea, you smell sensational!  No losses for Chelsea in their last six league matches.   They’re in 3^rd, nicely set for a 2018 Champions League berth.

Leicester, on the other hand, has a funk about them after their mid-December loss to woeful Crystal Palace.  They’re stuck in 8^th, not even a Europa League-slot.

RESULT:   0-0

 

 

Not only this is a real DVD, but it must be in demand.  It’s nearly $30 compared to only $5 for the baseball version.

B.  Leon vs. Toluca – Liga MX

The Apertura (first half-season) 7^th and 5^th place teams face off.

And NO.  Noob will NOT stall his quest to rid ourselves of “number two” in lists.  Number B forever!!

RESULT:   Leon   3-1

 

 

Admit it.   It’s subtly disturbing, even if you don’t know why.

3. RB Leipzig vs. Schalke 04 – Bundesliga

Bayern Munich has a monster lead, but the other Champions and Europa League slots in the table are up for grabs!  Schalke holds 2nd by just a two-point lead over four teams.  Leipzig is one of those.

Based on goal differential, neither of these teams is really much better than average.  Noobstradamus is calling this one a 0-0 draw.  Leipzig aren’t going to Champions OR Europa League.  You read it here first, Noobites.

RESULT:   Leipzig   3-1    Fine, crapped the bed on this match.  Still say Leipzig will be home during Euro tourney season.

 

 

A little more Red Bull and maybe my Forrest Whitaker-eye will fix itself…

4. Real Madrid vs. Villareal – La Liga

Real seems to have fallen off some this year, though they’re still in 4^th and in line for Spain’s last Champions League slot.  There’s a substantial gap between the top four and everyone else.  Villareal are in 6^th, in line for a Europa League berth.

RESULT:   Villareal   0-1      Upset city!   Villareal now trail Real by just one point.

Braga vs. Benfica – Primeira Liga

Only the top two teams from Portugal make Champions League, and these two are currently on the outside looking in (4^th and 3^rd).  The top teams are all close in the table though.

RESULT:   Benfica   1-3

 

If you think Noob needs a reason, you don’t know Noob.  And you really should!

6. T.N.S. vs. Bangor City – Welsh Premier League

The New Saints have started to run away with this league, just like last year.   Wales only receives one CL berth, so the race is on for 2^nd and the Europa League.

Bangor City is in 3^rd, just too points behind Connah’s Quay.   This won’t be the game where they make up ground.  Their defense can’t handle the hosts.

RESULT:  TNS   2-1

Honorable mention:  Chennaiyin vs. Pune City (2^nd, 2rd, Indian Super League); Free State Stars vs. Cape Town City (3^rd, 2^nd, South Africa Premier)

Sunday, 1/14

7. Liverpool vs. Manchester City – English Premier League

Liverpool just sold their megastar, so it will be interesting to see how they hold up against the league behemoth.  The sale is baffling soccerheads far and wide.  Liverpool are in 4^th, clinging to a Champions League slot.

RESULT:   Liverpool   4-3     Man City’s first loss of the league season.  Now Liverpool is in a three-way tie for 2nd!  (Man Utd. has played one less game though.)

 

 

Noob didn’t mean that literally.

8. Birmingham City vs. Bristol City – Women’s Super League

These two are only in 9^th and 7^th place, but the league season is only a few games in.  Even with just one win, Birmingham appears to be the better team.   If they can get the first goal today, they will lay waste to “The Vixens”.

Note:  Noob’s aware of some of the connotations of “vixen”.  It’s their nickname.  I didn’t make it up.

RESULT:   Birmingham   2-0

9. UNAM vs. Atlas – Liga MX

UNAM finished last for the Apertura, but it’s actually Veracruz who are in line to be Relegated.  Atlas finished 8^th, barely sneaking into the postseason Liguilla.   This is likely to be a low-scoring game based on styles.  This should give the host “Cougars” a shot at home.

Please, enjoy this low-quality video of The Waterboy decimating opponents like the Louisiana Cougars.

RESULT:   UNAM   3-1    Perhaps no last place for  Pumas this time

10. Nantes vs. Paris Saint-Germain – Ligue 1

PSG have opened up nine-point lead on the pack.  They suffered a quirky loss to Strasbourg a while back, and that’s their only league loss.  Nantes is in 5^th, and not looking like a threat to get to 4^th and the Europa League berth.  Can the Canaries get the upset and prove Noob wrong?

Honorbale mention:  Apollon Limassol vs. Anorthosis (3^rd, 1^st, Cypriot First Division); Be’er Sheva vs. Hapoel Haifa (1^st, 3^rd, Israeli Liga Haal)