Category: 10 to Track

Noob’s holiday season format continues, combining the weekend into one glorious T2T.  Cower at its awesomeness and might!

Saturday, 12/23

1. Burnley vs. Tottenham Hotspur – English Premier

It was an early Christmas for Noob this past week!   Deplorable Tottenham lost, and they were subsequently passed by enough teams to put them in 7^th.   The work isn’t done, though, my EPL cousins!  Those named for the traitor Harry Percy must be kept down, in their rightful place.

Burnley continue to be successful with defense.   But they get goals at barely more than a third the rate of league leader Man City.  Hotspur doesn’t generate enough offense for a club with hopes of re-climbing back into postseason, Euro-league position.

Telemundo yourself at 12:30 PM ET.

RESULT:   Tottenham   0-3      Ugh!   Hotspur to a tie for 5th, Burnley down to 7th.

I’ve forgotten more Spanish then I know!   Should I be fearful??  Why are we shouting?!

B.  Real Madrid vs. Barcelona – La Liga

It feels so strange to be typing this, but 4^th-place Real Madrid have a better chance of falling out of the top four (and a Champions League berth) than they do of catching 1^st-place Barcelona. Real are the two-time defending world champs and Champions League champs.  That’s a lot of champ-ing.

Real wins by an average of just over one goal per game, yet Barcelona nearly doubles that.  Noob’s calling this match a toss-up with Real hosting.

RESULT:   Barcelona   0-3

3. Juventus vs. AS Roma – Serie A

Italy’s remains the most competitive league, with no two teams separated by more than four points outside of 1^st-place Napoli and #2 Juve (discounting last-place Benevento).   AS Roma is in 4^th.  The ordinal rankings mean almost nothing right now, and that’s beautiful.

That said, Roma’s worked hard to get into a top-four, Champions League slot in the table.   After a horrendous league start, they’ve not lost in nine straight matches.  They’re the league’s best defense, just had to work out some kinks in the other team’s third apparently.

This one’s yours on beIN Sports at 2:45 PM ET, Noobites.

RESULT:   Juve   1-0    They’re 2nd and 4th place slots were maintained.

4. Celtic vs. Aberdeen – Scottish Premier

#1 hosts #2.  Haggis for everyone at Noob’s!  You’re welcome.

Celtic has the league’s best offense and defense.  Rumors circulate every so often about them joining the English Premier League.  A or the problem seems to be that they would actually have to start a few levels down on the pyramid and earn their way to Premier.   Smells like a money issue.

RESULT:   Celtic   3-0

Why, what stripper orifice have those benjamins been in?

5. Herediano vs. Perez Zeledon – Costa Rica Premier

It’s the second leg of the Final!   More specifically, the second game in deciding the Apertura (first half-season) champion.

Herediano got here my finishing atop the Apertura regular season table.   Pereze Zeledon earned their place by placing 1^st in the postseason Quadrangular tournament.  PZ won the first match 1-0.   Still, don’t bet against “the Red and Yellowish” (not yellow, yellowish?) at home.

RESULT:   0-0      And so, Perez Zeledon  win the tie 1-0 on aggregrate – champions!

Why are you weighing in on this?  This makes no sense.

6. Yokohama F. Marinos vs. Kashiwa Reysol – Emperor’s Cup

This is a Semifinal in Japan’s postseason league tournament.  The winners get league 3^rd-place finisher Cerezo Osaka in the Final.  Noob will have more at the Final.

RESULT:   Yokohama   2-1

7. Bahrain vs. Iraq – Arabian Gulf Cup (in Kuwait)

If you follow Noob with regularity, please forgive the repetition.  This annual event features seven Gulf Coast teams, plus Yemen.   They’re divided into Groups of four, with the top two placers from each advancing.   This is the first match for these national teams.

As one would expect given the relative populations of the countries, Iraq carries the shinier FIFA-ranking.  Bahrain will be doing well to keep things within a goal.

RESULT:   1-1

8. Esperance vs. CS Sfaxien – Tunisia Ligue 1

Tunisia, you know how Noob feels about you.  The new Star Wars movie coming out just serves as a reminder of your unforgivable sin.  But your league is featuring undefeated #1 hosting #2.  You will not be ignored.

RESULT:   1-1

   My Star Wars city in ruins. 

9. Ittihad Tanger vs. Difaa El Jadida – Morocco Botola Pro

It’s 4^th vs. 2^nd in a darn good African League.   This one sends two clubs to the CAF Champions League.

It feels extra important to stock up on points in the table now.  Last year’s C.L. champ, Wydad Casablanca, is down in the table mostly by virtue of having played four fewer matches than most teams so far.  They’ll come mess things up at the top before too long.

RESULT:    ppd

Sunday, 12/24

10.  Foolad Khuzestan vs. Perspolis – Persian Gulf Pro League (Iran)

Persepolis is seven points up on the pack.  3^rd-place Foolad gives up twice as many goals and doesn’t score nearly enough to likely keep up with the league powerhouse, even at home.

Still, Foolad are “the Men of Steel”, and an Amuricuhn sounding nickname like should always put fear in opponents’ hearts.

RESULT:   1-1

Be afraid!   He has…tree powers…

This weekend was a veritable feast of soccer., rich and intoxicating.  Championships abounded!   Monday’s are lighter in the schedule, and our “ten most important games” take a left turn.

Monday’s, we celebrate the downtrodden, the overmatched, those who may be at their seasons’ ends…Relegated.  (dunhduhn DUUUHHNNNN!).  Let’s Track some of these sad sacks before they disappear to second divisions.  Who knows, maybe even witness a mighty upset or two!

First, Noob’s non-relegation portion of today’s Tracking:

1. Khoneh Be Khoneh vs. Gostaresh Foolad – Hazfi Cup (Iran FA)

I wonder if there’s a Noob from that part of the world, who finds our clubs’ names delicious and fun.  OK, wondering complete.  Probably not.  It’s for the best, really.

This national Cup tournament is in its Quarterfinals.  With FA Cups, much of the fun is looking for “minows” – teams from lower ranks that make deep, surprising runs.

K.B.K. is a darn good second-tier team, from the Azadegan League.  Since they got the draw to play at home, they might have a real shot against top tier but only 9^th-place G.F.

RESULT:   Khoneh Be Khoneh   2-0    Minnow upset!  

All right, enough of that – release the possible to probable relegateeees!

B.  Everton vs. Swansea City – English Premier

Last place Swansea City got their first win in ages about a week ago against West Brom.  Then they hosted league buzzsaw Man City.

10^th-place Everton haven’t lost in four matches, overcoming a terrible start to the year to get back to the top half of the table.  They shouldn’t have trouble keeping a clean sheet (allowing no goals) against Swansea.

RESULT:   Everton   3-1      No clean sheet after all, but a come from behind win.

3. Malaga vs. Real Betis – La Liga

Malaga’s in second-to-last, but have shown signs of life of late, not losing two matches in a row.  Real Betis is trending the opposite direction with three consecutive losses.  A win here wouldn’t pull Malaga out of the Relegation Zone, but they’d at least be the top of that three-team heap.

RESULT:   Real Betis   0-2

4. Moreirense vs. Victoria de Guimaraes – Portuguese Liga

Moreirense’s been playing pretty good ball!…in the League Cup, against plenty of non-Premier competition.  Still, that’s better than nothing.  They’ve won but one league match, and that was back in September.

VdG isn’t likely to see a European League (Champions, Europa) berth by season’s end, but they’re better than average and riding a three-game league win streak.

RESULT:   Moreirense   2-1      It’s football Festivus miracle!

5. Fenerbahce vs. Karabukspor – Turkey Super Lig

Welcome back, Karabukspor!   Still in last place.  Noob’s going to have to start charging you rent.  You’re not close to climbing even a notch in the table.  Things are not about to get better, either.

Fenerbahce is in 5^th  after ten straight matches without suffering a loss.  This league’s race is super-tight, so they won’t be sleeping on you.

RESULT:   Fenerbahce   2-0

6. Gornick Zabrze vs. Cracovia – Poland Ekstraklasa

Cracovia won’t be able to stop 3^rd-place G.Z. from scoring.  Better teams haven’t.  Still, it should be an entertaining match for those who can watch it.  Zabrze doesn’t bother much with defense, and Cracovia scores pretty well for a team in second-to-last anyway.

RESULT:   Cracovia   0-4      Not a typo.  Wowzerz.

He’s back.  Can anyone stop…ummm…

Super-Zabrze Guy!

7. FC Voluntari vs. Sepsi OSK – Romania Liga I

Eight of this league’s 14 teams play the second part of the season divided into two groups.  The top six play for the title, the others play to try and avoid getting demoted a league.

Sepsi is bad enough that with four matches to go, they’ve mathematically guaranteed themselves a position in the latter.  Voluntari would about have to run the table to make the championship grouping themselves.  Still, they are a lot better on both sides of the ball and a loss would be a stark upset.

RESULT:   Voluntari   3-0

8. Lens vs. Tours – French Ligue 2

The second-to-last team in the table as more than twice has many points as Tours.  They’re headed to tier-three Championnat National, make no mistake.  Even at fourth-to -last Lens, they’re odds are terrible.  Lens has a goal differential that would usually have them halfway up the table.   They’ll be climbing.

RESULT:   Lens   2-0

Yup, Dominos is this league’s title sponsor.

“Get the door — it’s mediocre French footyball.”

9. Alki Oroklini vs. Pafos FC – Cypriot First Division

In Cyprus, the bottom two teams are automatically Relegated.  The next six play in a Relegation avoidance tournament.  Neither of these sides are in real danger of sinking to the absolute bottom,  Pafos can in fact still see daylight, have a chance at the top six and playing (in theory) for the league title.

These two are just about the worst offenses in the league.  Track?  You betcha, on a Monday.  Try to find it on satellite TV somewhere, somehow?

RESULT:   A.O.   2-1

10. Al Nasr vs. Al Masry – Egypt Premier

Al Nasr is the best of three teams in the Relegation Zone here.  Al Masry’s in 3^rd place.   Looking at the table, it appears Egyptian clubs play conservatively, defensively,  There’s just not a ton of difference between most of them statistically.

RESULT:   Al-Masry   2-3

Plucking the most important weekend games out of a teeming sea of soccer goodness is a real challenge!  Noob’s holiday season format makes it no easier, as we’re Tracking ten total for the weekend instead of ten for each day.

But what a 10 they are, championships galore!

Saturday, 12/16

1. Real Madrid vs. Gremio – FIFA World Club Cup

It’s the Final of the World Club Championship!

Noob’s mentioned before that this tournament is not held in quite as high of esteem as in South America.  But now that there’s hardware on the line, Real Madrid will come loaded for bear.  Brazilian, Gremio-y bear.  The Spanish side has to be favored by a goal or two even at neutral U.A.E. site.

RESULT:   Real Madrid   1-0     Hail to the World Champs!   Gremio only got one shot on goal all game.

What the cuss??

South American bear with a genetic defect making it hairless.  Can we get that on a crest, por favor?

B.  Manchester City vs. Tottenham Hotspur – English Premier

Nothing makes Noob’s weekend more than a chance to watch Tottenham get knocked on their tuchises.   The team named after traitor Harry Hotspur Percy travels to undisputed league #1.  There will be joy!

Hotspur’s in a three-way tie for 4^th place and the league’s final 2018 Champions League berth.  If all goes well, they’ll be down to 7^th before Sunday dinner.

RESULT:   Man City   4-1      Noobstradamus was a little off on his prediction, but any Hotspur loss a proper result.

Noobstradamus may or may not be hitting the Xmas nog early, but I’m prognosticating this one Man City 37-0.

3. Eintracht Frankfurt vs. Schalke 04 – Bundesliga

Bayern Munich may be running away from this league, but Schalke is on fire!   They’ve not lost in 11 consecutive matches and have climbed to #2.

Autumn was more like that for #7 Frankfurt, but they’ve lost to Bayern and 4^th-place Bayer Leverkusen recently.

RESULT:   2-2

4. Al-Wasl vs. Al-Ain – Arabian Gulf League (U.A.E.)

The Emirates, really Noob?   Yup!   These two are tied for 1^st with identical records.   I cannot resist!

From the perspective of the new-ish American fan, as is part of Noob’s mission statement, maybe this league doesn’t fit.   But I get to define the parameters on my site.   Benevolent dictatorship for all!

RESULT:   ppd

(All hail, Dan the Intern-o Inferno!  You are forgiven your midweek slackness.)

Sunday, 12/17

5. Lyon vs. Marseille – Ligue 1

At time of posting, these two are parts of a three-way tie for 2^nd!  They’re all nine points down to Paris Saint-Germaine in the table.

Who wants to be in the driver’s seat for the best longshot at catching PSG?   Perhaps more importantly, who will end up outside looking in for the league’s third and final 2018 Champions League slot.   Lyon has the offense to take care of business at home, and they’re goalkeeping’s just as good as their guest’s.

6. Kenya vs. Zanzibar – CECAFA Cup

One final reminder:  association of eastern and central African countries, plus whomever they felt like inviting.

This is the event Final, a one-off match in Rwanda.  Noob’s been intrigued with Zanzibar, since they’re actually part of Tanzania (which fielded its own team).  They’ve got offense, but Kenya hasn’t allowed a non-penalty goal the entire tournament.

RESULT:   Kenya   2-2 / 3-2 pk      Someone finally beat their defense, but Kenya wins the CECAFA Cup!

7. Santa Fe vs. Millonairos – Colombia Premier

It’s Finals time all over the place in South and Central America!  Like so many countries in these regions, their league season is divided into two parts, Apertura (first half) and Clausura (second half).  This marks the end of their Clausura postseason tournament.

Millonairos didn’t even qualify to play in the Apertura postseason, and Santa Fe wasn’t way up the table, either, so this has been a sparkling turnaround for both sides.  This time, the hosts finished 2nd in the table, and today’s guests 4^th.   Millonairos won the first leg (match) of the tie (two-game series) 1-0.  This one’s going down to penalty kicks, Noobites.

RESULT:   Millonarios   2-2    I should leave the prognosticating to Noobstradamus.  Millonarios kept pace and won the two-legged tie in regulation time, aggregate 2-3.   

8. Delfin vs. Emelec – Ecuador Serie A

In Ecuador, they call the season’s divisions simply First and Second Stage.  The winners of each face off in a two-legged tie for the overall league championship.  That’s this!

Emelec won the first match 4-2, a huge margin.  But by getting themselves those two goals, they win on the away-goals tiebreaker should they manage win this game 2-0 or 3-1.  Emelec’s going to kick the ball really, really high and far a lot this match, keep the score down.

RESULT:   Emelec   0-2      Hail to the victors, Emelec take the season title 6-2 on aggregate!

No, Emelec, you have to use a regulation ball.

9. Deportivo Lara vs. Monagas – Venezuela Premier

This is an overall championship Final as well!   Monagas won the Apertura, and Lara the Clausura.  En route to their Clausura win, Lara beat Monagas 3-1.  And then in the first leg of this Final, they defeated them again, 0-1.  Can Monagas rediscover their mojo for a comeback title?

RESULT:   Monagas   0-2      Mojo homing beacon activated!   Congrats to the champs.

10. Alianza vs. Santa Tecla – El Salvador Premier

This Apertura Final appears to be a one-off match.  It’s at the national stadium in San Salvador, not home to either or any league club.

These two finished #1 and #2 in league.  But don’t be fooled by the closeness in ordinal rank.  Alianza destroyed this league, winning by nine points in just 20 matches.

Angry Salvadoran corn-head guy knows all about destruction.

T2T consistently filters for and brings to you the ten finest games worth Tracking.  Drink them in.

Fridays, the leagues we – the newish North American soccer fans – lean towards most are a bit lighter in their schedules.   Do we then laze about?  No.   We pack our bags and Trot the Globe!   Let’s get our fun and learning on.

1. The New Saints vs. Connah’s Quay – Welsh Premier

Hello, Wales, how do?   We haven’t seen a match involving two teams in the top three of your ten in what feels like ages.

Defending champions T.N.S. are in 1^st again, while CQ are tied for 3^rd with Bangor City.   Only one team gets a slot in next year’s Champions League, and it’s up for grabs.   These teams are just two points apart in the table.

Fun fact:   They play games in Oswestry – which is in England!  But they also still officially represent their former home of Llansantffraid, Wales, just eight miles away.

RESULT:   ppd

B.  Dunav Ruse vs. Levski Sofia – Bulgaria FA Cup

For this nation’s national championship Cup, all “registered” teams get to take part.   This refers to the amateur third and fourth tier leagues, as well as the professional top two.  All Rounds are single elimination matches (except the Semis).

This event is in the Quarterfinals stage.  “The Dragons” were fortunate to get drawn to play at home.  After finishing 4^th last year in the First League (tier one), they’re down in 13^th now.  Levski Sofia is in 3^rd, which is no surprise.  The teams based in Sofia dominate.

RESULT:   Levski Sofia   0-2

Dan the Intern-o Inferno, why aren’t you doing your job??  

Noob image-Googled “Sofia domination” without you to stop him.   I can’t un-see some things…

3. Sumgayit vs. Qarabag – Azerbaijan FA Cup

This one only has teams from the top two divisions playing.   This event just isn’t as popular there as FA Cups are in so many countries.  But if you’ve been joining Noob for any length of time, Qarabag is a club name you know.  They own soccer here, regularly get berthed into Champions League.

This Round is the Quarterfinals, and the matchups here are two-legged ties, meaning the clubs face each other home and way to determine which advances.  Premier League 4^th-place Sumgayit lost the first match 1-2, but have at least a puncher’s chance at home now.

Fun “Fact”:  The city of Sumgayit is said to be named for a hero named “Sum”.  He defeated a monster blocking the river, but was swept away.  His lady love would cry at the river shouting “Sum qayit!”, meaning, “Sum, come back!”

RESULT:   Sumgayit   2-0      And the hosts are through to the Semfinals on a comeback upset!  They win 3-2 on aggregate

4. Den Bosch vs. Fortuna Sittard – Dutch Eerste Divisie

2^nd place hosts 5^th in the Netherlands’ second tier league.  The top team gets promoted to the Eredivisie at season’s end.   A mess of others will compete in a postseason playoff for the same right.  Sittard is just a point out of 1^st.

Not-so-Fun Fact:   The governing body in the Netherlands revoked Sittard’s license to play several years ago.   That decision was revoked in court, and their financial woes have been relatively on the mend since.

RESULT:   Sittard   2-4      Sittard into 1st!   Den Bosch slips to 8th.

Or because our parent organization tries to make us stop playing.

5. Sydney vs. Melbourne City – Australia A-League

Powerhouse Sydney is second-best in scoring in this league, and the only team allowing less than one goal over game on average.  They haven’t run away with the league yet this year, but things are trending that way.  3rd-place Melbourne’s more realistic goal than winning this game is catching 2^nd-place Newcastle for the league’s other AFC Champions League slot next year.

Fun Fact:  Sydney’s biggest fan support group is “The Cove”, referencing the original name of the colonial settlement, “Sydney Cove”.

RESULT:   Sydney   3-1

6. JS Saoura vs. MC Alger – Algeria Ligue 1

Algeria’s top league sends to teams to CAF (Africa) Champions League.  “The Eagles” have that second spot now.  MC Algers isn’t far back at 4^th place, and these two look about statistically identical.

RESULT:   1-1

Noob likes him some Eagles.  ‘Muricuh!  

But can’t they get each one its own ball?

7. Uganda vs. Zanzibar – CECAFA Cup

We haven’t visited this event in a week or so, so let’s review and catch up.  CECAFA is an association of eastern and central African teams.  Many of them play in this event, plus they invite whomever they want.   Nine teams were competing in this year’s tournament.  The Group Stage is done, so we’re into the Semifinals now.

Uganda won their Group, and so get to host this elimination match.  Zanizbar finished 2^nd in theirs.  The winner will face Kenya in the Final, which defeated Burundi to get there.

RESULT:   Zanzibar   1-2      And they’re in the Final!

8. Baadraan Tehran vs. Persepolis – Hazfi Cup (Iran)

The top two leagues’ teams compete for Iran’s FA Cup championship.  Unlike many other national league, the winner of this one will earn a slot in their continental federation’s Champions League.

Baadraan is part of Iran’s second-tier league, the Azadegan League.  They’re in 2^nd there, seem likely to be promoted.  But this is top-flight #1 Persepolis paying a visit.

RESULT:   Persepolis   1-2

Fun Fact:  Sponsoring company Baadraan Gostar appears to be an online seller of bath, beauty and textile products.  We’d know more, but Dan the Intern-o Inferno has been shirking his duties, instead making this:

9. Fiji vs. New Caledonia – Pacific Mini Games

The event name doesn’t seem to need much explanation.  Tiny Pacific nation countries playing lots of sports.   Six nations’ teams are competing in the men’s football.  The format is a single round-robin, and they’re playing the final games now.

Which teams will get the gold, silver and bronze medals is already decided.  It’s just a question of what order those top three will come in.  Fiji is in 3^rd, two points behind the leaders.   But they only have one route to the gold medal.  They need to win, and the below game to end in a draw.

RESULT:   Fiji   4-1      Good for the silver!  Because…

10. Vanuatu vs. Solomon Islands – Pacific Mini Games

Because here are the top two in the medal table!   Solomon Islands are the more accomplished side.  In fact, they have yet to allow a goal!  But this whole deelio is being played in Vanuatu.  They’ve been scoring more than four goals per contest.

RESULT:   Vanuatu   3-2    Vanuatu gets the gold!   Solomon Islands get the bronze.

Four goals?  So outlandish, Dean Cain is pushing to revive the TV series.

(He needs the work.)

T2T’s  still bringing you and me, the newish American soccer fans, the ten most important games to follow.   League, Cup, international play – it’s all right here.

Noob is changing the format just a little, for the holiday season anyway.  With the major American soccer season wrapped up, and the “silly season” upon us, this feature will scale back to four times a week.

Relegation Monday and Globetrotting Friday will continue to each get their own treatments.  But the three midweek days and then the weekends will each get one slate of ten feature games.

Without further ado, let’s dig into the freshly-baked footyball goodness!

Tuesday, 12/12

1. Burnley vs. Stoke City – English Premier

A team has to finish in 5^th to automatically get a berth into at least 2018 Europa League (higher = Champions League).  7^th place Burnley continue to ride their defense to narrow wins, with five in their last seven matches.  Stoke City have fallen to 15^th.

RESULT:   1-0      They’ve played one more game than most teams, so this may not last.  For the moment, though, Burnley in 4th!

B.  Yeovil Town vs. Port Vale – English FA Cup

Almost 800 teams technically play in this event, stretching all the way down to pyramid level 10 in the English football system.  Most of the lower—tier teams have already been eliminated, and now the event is in the Second Round Proper.  “Proper” refers to Rounds after which tier-four and higher teams start entering the tournament.

This match features two League Two (tier four) teams.   This is also a replay of a match from ten days ago.  The first one, at Port Vale, ended in a draw.  Rather than go to penalty kicks, they replay the match at the other site.

Yeovil Town is a Noob-adopted club, and “Yeovil True” will ring throughout County Somerset when they are victorious!

RESULT:   Yohvil   3-2   aet      Day or night, we are green and white!

Yeovil will need no redemption after his glorious day, Andy.

3. Gremio vs. Pachuca – FIFA Club World Cup

This tournament features the six continental confederation champions, plus the top-flight league’s champion from the host country (U.A.E.)   This one moves fast, every Round being a one-match Knockout.

CONCACAF champions Pachuca knocked out Noob-fave Wydad Casablanca in the Quarterfinals.  Still, let us express much love for our Mexican neighbor!   Pachuca will need every bit it can get.   South American champions Gremio out of Brazil are the real deal, much better on paper.

RESULT:   Gremio   1-0      Pachuca beat them most everywhere on the pitch, but just didn’t find the back of the net.

4. Inter Milan vs. Pordenone – Coppa Italia

Teams from the top four tiers of Italian football compete in this FA Cup.  It’s reached the bracketed Round of 16.  The one-match Knockout format continues.

Noob’s Tracked Pordenone previously as a “minnow” –a lower-level team getting deep into the tournament.  They are the only third-tier team remaining, and none from level four survived.  They beat Serie A Cagliari last Round., but powerhouse Inter Milan is a different caliber of opponent.  They’re the current Serie A leader.

RESULT:   Inter   0-0 / 5-4 pk      Inter dominated the box score, with 31 shots on goal to Pordenone’s six.   Still, anything could’ve happen in pk’s.

Apparently soccernoob hasn’t caught on in Italy yet.  

They still haven’t changed the weird bicycle helmet aerial view-crest yet.

Wednesday, 12/13

5. Southampton vs. Leicester City – English Premier

As the weather gets colder, Leicester have been heating up, with three straight wins!  But they haven’t really dominated anyone, so it might be a lot to expect them to remain this high for long.  They’re in 8^th on the table.  Southampton, meanwhile, have had just one victory in their last six tries, good for 11^th place.

RESULT:   Leicester   1-4      The victors solidify their 8th place spot with the win.  Southampton fall into a tie for their 11th spot.

6. Al Jazira vs. Real Madrid – FIFA Club World Cup

This the second Semifinal, following Tuesday’s match above.  Real Madrid are light year’s better.  The question is simply how much will they care about this event.  European teams have a tendency to not prioritize this compared to league and other international competitions.

RESULT:   Real Madrid   1-2      The defending champs had to come back from down 1-0, get the deciding goal in 81′, and it sounded like overcome some very home-sided officiating to win.

They’ll defend their title against Brazilian side Gremio in the Final.

Speaking of priorities, Noob thinks–

Wait, you didn’t make “Freedom” her real name?  Stunning.

7. Flamengo vs. Independiente – Copa Sudamericana

It’s the second leg of the Final!   This is the second-most prestigious international tournament in South America, being the equivalent of Europa League.   Argentinian Independiente took a 2-1 lead out of the first match at their place.  But now they have to go to Brazil, and Flamengo’s the better-rated team.

RESULT:   1-1      And so congratulations to Independiente!   They win the tournament title 2-1 on aggregate.

8. Club Brugge vs. Sporting Charleroi – Belgium FA Cup

It’s a shame this is only the Quarterfinal, as this match pits the #1 and #2 top league teams.  Collectively, these two have not lost in their last 15 games.  Brugge won the first season match at Charleroi 1-3.   They’ve been about impossible to stop on offense.

RESULT:    postponed

Apparently, nothing that needs stopping can be stopped.

9. Partizan Beograd vs. Red Star Belgrade – Serbian SuperLiga

Together, these two have lost only three times in league all year.  The 3^rd place team alone have lost four.

Partizan doesn’t look likely to catch RSB at nine points back in the standings, but that dream has to start at home, now.  Can they even score on them?  RSB only gives up a goal once every three games on average.

RESULT:   1-1

Thursday, 12/14

10. Hereford vs. Fleetwood Town – English FA Cup

Back on 12/2, tier-seven and minnow Hereford did enough to stay alive in the event, earning a 1-1 draw against Noob-reviled Fleetwood Town.  Now the League One (tier three) side has to go on the road.

Bulls, you must rock Edgar Street Stadium like never before!   This is Fleetwood, those of black heart and no soul.  Even though they’re from London, Fleetwood Mac is seemingly named for their town.   Stevie Nicks’ unholy vibrato makes that of Joan Baez sound as silky smooth as water gliding over ice.  Even for this weak connection, this football team is to be treated as outlaw!!

And if that doesn’t make much or enough sense you, stick around, even check out the archived T2T’s and such.   This qualifies as downright normal on Noob.

RESULT:   Fleetwood   0-2       Fie on you, Fleetwood!

(The below is vastly better than the real thing.)

Noobites, we got to gorge on the finest of football this weekend.  but our Tracking never ceases, even on comparatively-light Mondays.  Rather than settle for mid-table games, we go to the other ends of league tables for “important games”.

It’s Relegation Monday!   And these games are quite important to the teams presumably working hard to avoid getting booted down to second-tier leagues at seasons’ ends.

But first, we always hit a couple non-Relegation games of some more traditional consequence.

1. Libya vs. Zanzibar – CECAFA Cup

CECAFA is an association of east and central African teams, and they put on an annual tournament (inviting teams even outside that geographical area).

Zanzibar and Libya are 1^st and 4^th place in Group A (there’s one other Group).   The top two finishers will advance to the Semifinals.

Fun fact:  Libya’s games have all been 0-0 draws.

RESULT:   Libya 1-0.   

But with Kenya winning today, it’s not enough for Libya.  Kenya and Zanzibar are through the Semifinals out of Group A.  Uganda and Burundi advance from Group B.

B.  Fortuna Düsseldorf vs. Nürnberg – German 2. Bundesliga

2^nd hosts 3rd place in Germany’s second-tier league.  The top two get automatically promoted to top-flight at season’s end.  The 3^rd place finisher will compete against the third-to-last Bundesliga team for a first-tier slot the following season.

Noob would call this “The Umlaut Derby”, as both their club names properly contain those punctuation marks over the U’s.  But crappy Greuther Fürth near the bottom of the table also uses one, ruins it for everybody.

RESULT:   Nürnberg   0-2      The visitors move up to 2nd!

Words fail.

3. Nimes vs. Clermont Foot – French Ligue 2

2^nd hosts 5^th place in another league where the top two squads move up to the top league.  The next three in the table compete with the third-to-last team from Ligue 1 for a lot in next year’s Ligue 1.

Nimes plays fast and loose, scoring and giving up lots of goals.  Clermont plays things a bit closer to the vest.  If the home side scores first, this could get ugly fast.

RESULT:   Nimes   3-1       Clermont gets passed, is now in 8th

4. Randers vs. Midtjylland – Denmark Superliga

Last we saw Randers on a Relegation Monday (10/23), they were pulling off a draw against AaB.   Well, they’re still in the cellar.   And this time, the competition gets tougher.  Midtjyyland is in 2^nd place.

Fun fact:  This club was originally licensed as Randers Freja, named presumably for the Norse goddess of love, sex and war.

RESULT:    Midtjylland   0-4

Somehow, Noob doubts that phrase is historically accurate to the time of the lore’s creation.

5. Pirin Blagoevgrad vs. Ludogorets Razgrad – Bulgaria First Pro League

More than half this league participates in a Relegation avoidance tournament at season’s end.    Pirin have a goal differential that’s actually just barely negative, so we look for them to perhaps climb up to mid-pack, fight to avoid that quagmire entirely.  They won’t start that journey today, though, not with league #1 coming to town.

RESULT:   Razgrad   0-2

Noooo.   It’s Ludogorets Razgrad.   That would be a good dragon name though.

6. AEK Athens vs. AOK Kerkyra – Greece Super League

It doesn’t seem this league is going to miss Kerkyra if they get Relegated.  They have a history of shady business dealings.  But they’re tied with Apollon Smyrna for the first spot above the Drop Line, so Super League could end up stuck with them.

RESULT:   AEK   3-1

7. Konyaspor vs. Karabukspor – Turkey Super Lig

It’s a Relegation double-feature!  17^th and 18^th place an 18-team league battle here.  Three will be sent down.

Fun fact:  Konyaspor are known as “The Anatolian Eagles”.

RESULT:   Konyaspor   2-0

It’s illegal to shoot a bald eagle.  ‘Muricuh!

But that two-headed mistake of nature Noob would pick off on principle.

8. Tosno vs. Lokomotiv Moscow – Russia Premier

Tosno is in 14^th place of 16 teams.   The bottom two will get the boot for sure.  The next two will, at season’s end, fight one another for the right to stay up.  With just a win or two, Tosno could get clear of the Drop Zone.  Lokomotiv is the league heavyweight now, though.  Best o’ luck.

RESULT:   Lokomotiv   1-3

9. Sepsi OSK vs. CSMS Iasi – Romania Liga I

Sepsi is one of three teams that are too low in the standings, too late in the season, to have any mathematical chance of climbing out of the Relegation avoidance tournament.  Iasi is in 8^th, and the top six instead play in the league championship postseason.  But they’re seven points out of that position.

Fun fact:  Sepsi are known as “The Szeklers”, named for a Hungarian subgroup that would much rather identify as Hungarian than by this moniker.  So it’s weird.

RESULT:   Sepsi   2-1

10. Chacarita Juniors vs. Lanus – Superliga Argentina

Chacarita Juniors just came up last season, and they’re going right back down.  This league Relegates four teams, and these guys are twice as far from the second-to-last team as that team is from nearly mid-table.

Fun fact:  Juniors was founded in an anarchist library.   Noob’s guessing it had a lax take on late return fees.

RESULT:   Chacarita   3-0!     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

What’s freaking me out is that if The Management, Dan-o the Interno Inferno and Noob had a love child, he would look like this. 

I wish I was making that up.

First, congratulations to our home continent champions!   Toronto FC was exquisite in trouncing Seattle 2-0.   And make no mistake, only the score was close.  Seattle barely ever threatened, and only there goalkeeper, Fry, kept things interesting.

And to anyone who wants to argue Altidore was perhaps offsides by a couple of inches before scoring, well, Noob will poonch you in the snoosage.

Secondly, congratulations to Venezuelan Clausura champions Deportivo Lara!   They beat Mineros de Guayana 1-0 at home yesterday, which made the aggregate score 1-1.   They then won the title 4-3 in the ensuing penalty shootout.  They will play Apertura champions Monagas for the overall season title next week.

(Noob had seen that match slated for tomorrow, or would’ve Tracked it.  Lo siento!)

And now, Derby Day Sunday – and beyond!

1. Manchester City vs. Manchester United – English Premier

No other match could possibly lead off today’s T2T!  It’s the Manchester Derby, and it doesn’t need a ton of explanation. Noobites.  Gigantic intracity rivalry between two currently and historic great teams.  The first of these matches was in 1881.  United have won 72 times to City’s 50., plus there have been 52 draws.

They are #1 and #2 in the table to boot!  The last meeting, last year, went 0-0.  That feels unlikely this year.  Both teams have splendid defense, of course.  But City’s offense has put up 30% more goals than their rivals.

United have won three league matches in a row, though they lost at Switzerland’s FC Basel in Champions League during that stretch.  City are undefeated in EPL play this season,  but were stunned at home in C.L. a few days ago by Ukrainian Shakhtar Donetsk.  City had already won the Group, but it was still such a stunner that Shakhtar’s manager made good on a bet and showed up to the postgame presser dressed up as Zorro.

RESULT:   Man City   1-2     (had the home and away turned around)

This is The Management – It is felt Noob’s tall tale-telling days have gone on long enough.   It has been decided —

Um, er…disregard.   The Management would like you to carry on.  (Wow.)

B.  Liverpool vs. Everton – English Premier

Your EPL undercard is another named rivalry – the Merseyside Derby!  Merseyside is the county, and both clubs play in Liverpool.  In fact, one can easily see one club’s home grounds from the other’s.  Historically, this has been named “The Friendly Derby”, but in more recent years has seen more red cards than any other matches.

This year, this one doesn’t have nearly the cachet of the above match, as Everton had a dreadful start their league season.   But they’ve won three league matches in a row now though, climbing to 10^th.  Still, 4th place Liverpool hasn’t lost at home this year.  It’s their game to lose.

RESULT:   1-1

Your own personalized Everton dog tag will not help the cachet factor.

3. Monterrey vs. U.A.N.L. – Liga MX Final

A reminder on the format for this league.   The season is divided into to halves, the Apertura and Clausura.  Each one concludes with a Liguilla, a postseason tournament featuring the regular seaosn’s top eight finishers.  The winner of each Liguilla will face off to determine the season’s overall league champion.

This has beem the Apertura (opening) half of the 2017-18 season.  #1 and #2 made it through to the Final.  The first match, at U.A.N.L, went 1-1.   Statistically, Monterrey is better on both sides of the ball, if not by leaps and bounds.

RESULT:    U.A.N.L.     All hail the Tigres, pulling the road upset to take the title!

4. Villareal vs. Barcelona – La Liga

Barcelona is #1, only have conceded an average of one goal every other game.  6^th place Villareal probably needs two, even at home.

RESULT:   Barcelona   0-2

Wait, Villareal is Spanish Boaty McBoatface?

5. Napoli vs. Fiorentina – Italy Serie A 

The top six teams in Italy go to European league play – four to Champions League, two to Europa League.  There’s a widening gap in the table between the top six and everyone else.  Fiorentina sits atop that lesser heap.

This game is more about Napoli, who are in an absolutely dogfight with two other teams for 1^st place.  Will the league championship come down to which side occasionally falters, perhaps doesn’t hold serve on their own pitch?

RESULT:   0-0

6. Anderlecht vs. Charleroi – Belgium First Division A

Noob’s previously labelled this with the sponsor name, “Belgian Jupiler League”.  Change.

3^rd hosts 2^nd place here, in a league that Noob believes will send just two to next year’s Champions League.  Neither has lost a league match since October.

RESULT:   Charleroi   1-3

Anderlecht’s crest has a lot going on.  The gold stars and lower gold bordering help contain the insanity.

7. Ajax vs. PSV Eindhoven – Dutch Eredivisie

Eindhoven have won eight matches in a row between league and the nation’s FA Cup, last losing in a league game in early September.  They travel to 3^rd place Ajax today, who have been as good statistically as their hosts.

RESULT:   Ajax   3-0

8. Spartak Moscow vs. CSKA Moscow – Russia Premier

Spartak likes it wiiiide open.  CSKA isn’t quite as good on offense as the other top teams in the league, but they’re not far back, and they play much better defense.  They’re 4^th and 3^rd respectively, as everyone chases league leader Lokomotiv Moscow.

RESULT:   Spartak   3-0      Spartak to 2nd, CSKA down to 5th

9. Colon vs. Talleres – Superliga Argentina

5^th vs. 7^th place may not sound super smexy, but this league is 28 teams deep.  More, five teams will qualify for next year’s Copa Libertadores.  3^rd and -13^th– in this league in this league are separated by a mere 5 points.  This matters.

RESULT:   Talleres   1-2      Talleres moves up to 4th on GD

10. Perez Zeledon vs. Saprissa – Costa Rica Premier

Like many Latin countries, they divide this season into two tournaments – invierno and verano.  They recently completed the regular season invierno, and now the top four clubs are playing the postseason six-match Quadrangular tournament.  It’s a double-round robin.

The Verano tournament is wholly separate.  The two tournament champions will both be champions and not play off.

If Herediano, the regular season 1^st place finisher, wins the Quad, they are the invierno champions.   If one of the other three teams win, Herediano and that team will play for the title.  So far, it’s looking the latter way.  PZ and Saprissa are four and three points up on them three games into this stage.

RESULT:   PZ   3-2

Rather bland, though the 3-D shading helps.