Category: 10 to Track

1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

The West is an absolute stew! Vancouver is in first, but after getting stomped at Seattle earlier this week, they lead -three- teams by just a single point. KC plays ugly, efficient football, and has ridden that formula to the biggest positive goal differential in the division.   Stow it, KC.  On, Canadia!   RESULT:   Vancouver  0-1

B. Chelsea vs. Manchester City – English Premiere

Chelsea’s in 3^rd, hasn’t lost on the road. 1^st place Man City hasn’t lost anywhere, has a cartoonish 21-2 goal differential on the season. This should be an easy game to find on the t00b.    RESULT:   Man Utd   0-1

   Only cartoon sports in heaven?   Noob is going Zen.

3. Portland Thorns vs. Chicago Red Stars – NWSL

The Playoffs are about to begin. These two are in, but both playing for something. Portland still has an outside chance at the #1 seed. Chicago is in 3^rd and trying to stay there with nasty swamp city Orlando right on their heels.    N.C., Portland, Orlando, Chicago – your #1-4 playoff seeds are set.   RESULT:   Portland   3-1

4. Toluca vs. America – Liga MX

2^nd place hosts 3^rd in a battle to try and catch undefeated Monterrey.   They switch places in the standings.   RESULT:   America  1-2

5. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Bordeaux – Ligue 1

The last two undefeated teams in France face off in a humdinger of a match.    Maybe wasn’t so humdinger-y.   RESULT:   PSG   6-2

6. Reno 1868 vs. Real Monarchs SLC – USL

With apologies to Eastern Division Louisville, this match pits the best two teams in all USL. Reno’s #2 and just set the all-time league goal-scoring record this week. Noob is joining the Battle Born Brigade for this match, want to see those “royal” SLC posers taken down.   RMSLC was unimpressed.   RESULT:   SLC  0-3

7. Palmeiras vs. Santos FC – Futebol Brasileiro

This game may be a bit of a slog, as two premier defensive teams go at it. But they are 4^th and 2^nd respectively, so this game as significant implications in the league.   Santos remains the one team that can maybe catch Corinthians.   RESULT:   Santos FC   0-1

8. Cerezo Osaka vs. Kawasaki Frontale – J1 League

Seven games remain for each team in the league. There are no playoffs, so tension is high. The top two teams get into next year’s AFC Champions League. Cerezo is in 4^th, but five points behind 2^nd and 3^rd. Kawasaki is that 2^nd place.   Turns out this was at Kawasaki.   RESULT:   KF   5-1

9. Xelaju vs. Municipal – Guatemala National League

These two are part of a three-way tie for 5^th place. It’s early, but worth knowing that the top six in this league will head to playoffs.

But that pales in comparison to the need to understand that Xelaju’s nickame is “Superchivos”.    Superdraw.   RESULT:   2-2

   “SuperGoats”.  No joke.

10. Baroka vs. Kaiser Chiefs – South African Premier

2^nd place hosts 4^th in the league’s young season. Noob is just glad to see the visitors again, as it gives an excuse to give us some tune-age. Perhaps consideration for a Noob house band is in order.  Never miss a beat, Noobites.   Turns out this was at KC.   RESULT:  Baroka   1-2

 

1. Morelia vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

Golly is it good to be getting back into Mexican ball. Here’s to hoping the recovery from the earthquake is every bit as far along as can be expected. Or farther.

10^th hosts 9^th in a matchup of two teams Noob expects to be better.    RESULT:   Morelia  3-0

   Yep, we’re excited!

B. Charlotte Independence vs. FC Cincinnati – USL

Cincinnati just can’t quite replicate the magic of their US Open Cup run in league, especially on the road. Awful. 2^nd place Charlotte is likely going to make the 6^th place visitors sweat profusely, as -9th- place is only two points back.   No sweat after all.    RESULT:   Cinci  0-1

3. USM Alger vs. Wydad Casablanca – CAF Champions League

Fun fact: In 2015, USMA made the Final of this event, finishing 2^nd. First leg of the semifinal tie starts here.    RESULT:   0-0

4. Cork City vs. Limerick – FAI Cup

This is a semifinal, and shouldn’t be interesting by the numbers. Cork was all but unbeatable the first couple months of the league season. But they’ve seen some losses more recently, so who knows?    RESULT:   Cork 1-0

5. Shanghai Shenxin vs. Shanghai Shenhua – China FA Cup

Division Two Shenxin has certainly surprised in getting so far. And they’re only down 1-0 on aggregate. But will home really be an advantage when it’s an intracity rivalry?   RESULT:   Shenhua   0-1

6. Guarani vs. General Diaz – Paraguay Premier

2^nd hosts 3^rd in a tremendous matchup. Guarani have been winning close and playing on the road while GD has been playing more at home and racking up goals.   RESULT:   General Diaz   0-1

7. Emelec vs. Club Deportivo Cuenca – Ecuador Premier

Fun fact: Emelec was founded by an American who headed the namesake power company. 4^th hosts 2^nd here.   RESULT:   Emelec   1-0

8. Floriana vs. Gzira United – Maltese Premier

2^nd hosts 1^st and Noob’s always down for that in any top flight league. They’re only a few games in but Gzira has no losses or draws.   Gzira has at least one of them now.   RESULT:   1-1

9. Bhayangkara Surabaya vs. Bali United Pusam – Indonesian Super League

Another 1^st vs. 2^nd matchup! As previously noted, Bhayangkara is mainly a police-team. Perhaps Bali should be content with 2^nd, play some finesse ball against Bekasi’s finest?    Bhayangkara  3-2

10. FC Oss vs. Jong Ajax – Eerste Divisie

It just wouldn’t be a Friday T2T without looking somewhere a bit unusual! This is a match from The Netherland’s second division, with 4^th hosting 1^st place.    RESULT:   Jong Akax  0-3

   “The Gassy Bulls”?

1. BATE Borisov vs. Arsenal – Europa League

The Group Stage continues in UEFA’s second-best tournament. Remember: Pods are of four teams. Top two in each advance to the bracketed Knockout Round.

Borisov Automobile and Tractor Electronics is the historical power of Belarussian soccer. That likely won’t help at home against even a moderately struggling Arsenal side.  RESULT:   Arsenal  2-4

B. Red Bull Salzburg vs. Marseille – Europa League

   Apparently wiings don’t replace feet.

RESULT:   RB Salzburg  1-0

3. Partizan Belgrade vs. Dynamo Kiev – Europa League

Serbian “The Steamroller” takes on a tough Ukrainian side. Noobstradamus is having a vision of a road win for the Dynamo! Either that, or I had some really good (or bad?) quark fritters.    Noob success!   RESULT:   Kiev  2-3

  Google you up some recipe, Noobites.

4. Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Real Sociedad – Europa League

St. Petersburg! Come for the Hermitage Museum, stay to see them lose to a La Liga team. Noobstradamus sees all. Well, some.   Or none.  Noob fail!   RESULT:   Zenit   3-1

   Might see all if I could get my left eye fully open.

5. Nice vs. Vitesse Arnhem – Europa League

Noob is unimpressed with the Netherlands team. Picking them to get manhandled by a Ligue 1 side doesn’t take clairvoyant powers.   RESULT:   Nice  3-0

   Unimpressed potato is just that.

6. Lyon vs. Atalanta – Europa League

The surprise team from last season’s Italian league, however, may well give a French side all it wants and perhaps more.   RESULT:   1-1

7. Macabbi Tel Aviv vs Villareal – Europa League

The funny thing is, the Macabees for whom the Jewish sports society name is taken would’ve actually been very anti-athletics.   RESULT:   0-0

8. Godoy Cruz de Mendoza vs. Banfield – Copa Argentina

Noob did not know that “bodega” is actually Spanish for “wine cellar”. Pretty cool nickname for a stadium. Which it is for Godoy Cruz. This is a Round of 16 match, and remember: true knockout competition, no home and away legs.   On, bodegans!   Sure, that’s a word.   RESULT:   GCM  2-1

9. CD Motagua vs. UPFNM – Honduras Premier

UPFNM is a university team of sorts. It pulls it’s players from a couple of cities, one of which is Motagua.   RESULT:  1-1

   UPFNM, meet KMFDM.

10. Pars Jonoubi Jam Bushehr vs. Padideh FC – Persian Gulf League

#1 hosts #2 early in Iran’s top flight league season. Noob is guessing PJJB is the only team in the world named for a gas field.   RESULT:   1-1

   Then where’s your Pars jersey?

1. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Bayern Munich – UEFA Champions League

The heavyweight match of the day. Both these teams will almost certainly advance out of their pod of four here in the Group Stage and on to the Knockout Round. But who wins and who finishes second matters for placement in that bracket.    RESULT:   PSG  3-0

B. Atletico Madrid vs. Chelsea – UEFA Champions League

Chelsea seems to be falling off just a little after their Premiere League title last year. Any trip to a La Liga stadium is going to be problematic.   RESULT:   Chelsea  1-2

   Does Noob need a reason?    No.  I do not.

3. CSKA Moscow vs. Manchester United – UEFA Champions League    

And it’s the Manchester clubs that are passing Chelsea. Predicting a road win for The Red Devils isn’t going out on a limb. Yet as Noob drafts this post, Liverpool is only tied with Spartak Moscow. Russian Premier ain’t too bad.    RESULT:   Man U  1-4

4. Sporting CP vs. Barcelona – UEFA Champions League

Group D also includes Italian power Juventus. Host Lisbon rally needs a result (win or draw) here to have hope moving on to the next round. It helps that Barcelona walloped Juve 3-0.    RESULT:   Barcelona  0-1

5. Seattle Sounders vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

4^th hosts 1^st in the Western Division. Home field for the playoffs is up for grabs as only four points separate them in the standings.

A reminder to Noobites to not cheer for those Sounders. Noob had a TA in college who was a huge fan and thought he was waaaay cooler than he was. Canadia!    Boooooo.     RESULT:   Seattle  3-0

6. Shanghai SIPG vs. Urawa Red Diamonds – AFC Champions League

Oh, Urawa, you heart-stealers – how are you doing it? Your mediocre league season is winding down, but here you, about to play the first league of a semifinal in this grand event. Take down those Red Eagles. Gym – tan – sushi!      Draw on the road.   Good start for our GTS boys.   RESULT:  1-1

   After a brief hiatus, The Situation returns!  Where the sushi goes.  You’re so right, Mikey.

7. Cruziero vs. Flamengo – Copa do Brazil

The final!! Cruziero earned a 1-1 draw in the first leg, now have the advantage at home. It’s important to remember thought that away goals are a tiebreaker. A 0-0 tie in the second leg would leave Flamengo victorious.    Cruziero wins the title on penalty kicks!    RESULT:   0-0  /  5-3 pk

8. Santiago Wanderers vs. Iberia – Copa Chile

Full disclosure: One could easily argue the relative magnitude of other games this date over this one. This tournament is just in the quarterfinals. But Noob has hitched his wagon to Iberia after upsetting might Colo-Colo earlier in the event. We follow through on our favorites here, not to mention try to cast our gaze over a wide swathe of the football world.

This all said, Wanderers got a draw out of the first leg. Second-division and usually middling Iberia could finally be running into a wall. They must be an underdog by a couple goals.   Well-fought by our underdogs, but just short.   Wanderers move on via pk.   RESULT:  1-1 / 4-3 pk

9. Gor Mahia vs. Sofapaka – Kenya Premiere

1^st hosts 2^nd place, a condition Noob will not ignore. GM is up on “The Children of God” (aren’t we all?) by six points in the standings. Only one team from this league will qualify for next years CAF Champions League.   RESULT:   Gor Mahia  2-1

  Not relevant, but fun!

10. Leon vs. CF America – Liga MX

Noob would list this game higher, but just isn’t certain when the league will actually rebegin playing games. My continued thoughts and prayers out to all affected by the massive earthquake.   RESULT:  Leon  2-1

1. Spartak Moscow vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League

The Group Stage picks up momentum with mess of games today. Noob has chosen several that involve the biggest names in the tournament.   RESULT:   1-1

B. Manchester City vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – UEFA Champions League

Fun Fact: Man City was founded in 1880 as St. Mark’s (West Gorton). The local rectors daughter started is at a means to try and combat “scuttling”, the armed but non-lethal fighting between gangs. Their goal was typically to disfigure and maim with knives and very heavy belt buckles.  RESULT:   Man City  2-0

  Noob tries to run a clean house.  But MF is about the least disturbing thing here.

3. AS Monaco vs. FC Porto – UEFA Champions League

Were this boxing, this match between powers from Ligue 1 and the Portuguese Liga would be an awesome undercard.   Upset!   RESULT:   Porto   0-3

4. Borussia Dortmund vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

And here would be the Main Event. This could be the most important and exciting match of the day. That is, if Madrid doesn’t just sit on the ball, play for a draw– a common tactic by the visitors when two great teams meat early in a Group Stage.   RESULT:   Real Madrid   1-3

5. Apoel Nicosia vs. Tottenham Hotspur – UEFA Champions League

Tottenham Hotspur, Noob’s rage for you never wanes! Named for a traitor. May the Cypriots rise up and their home pitch and humble you!   Unhumbled.   RESULT:   Tottenham   0-3

   And that’s just what they do to peacekeeping forces.

6. Leon vs. America – Liga MX

8^th place hosts 2^nd in the most competitive slated match from this league today.

Fun Fact: Leon is ranked by IFFHS as the best club in North and Central America of the 20^th century.   Not played.

7. Al Hilal vs. Persepolis – AFC Champions League

Things are getting serious in Asia. This is the first leg of a semifinal tie between powers from Saudi Arabia and Iran. The winner will get either Shanghai SIPG or our own beloved, Adopted Urawa Red Diamonds.    RESULT:   Al Hilal  4-0

8. River Plate vs. Defensa y Justicia – Copa Argentina

An unfortunate draw for DyJ. There aren’t two-legged ties in this knockout tournament. River Plate is a big, big bully. Noob predicts a 3-0 drumming of the visitors.    Now slated for next Saturday

   Cruel and unusual.  And awesome!

9. Cardiff City vs. Leeds United – English Championship League

The second-tier league of the UK is actually ranked as high as 14^th in leagues across Europe. All leagues. And this matchup is a doozie. Cardiff and Leeds are 3^rd and 1^st respectively. The top two get automatically promoted to the Premiere League at season’s end. The next four down will have a playoff for the same privilege.    RESULT:   Cardiff   3-1

10. Bad Gleichenberg vs. Admira Wacker Modling – Austrian Cup

It’s only the second round of Austria’s FA Cup, and regional league-third tier BG doesn’t have much hope against a top flight squad even at home. But Noob is easily distracted by shiny things in his soccer infancy. I love these names.   Monster upset!    Bad Gleichenberg  3-1

   Now, let this random soccer image remain in your mind and distract you from whatever you go to do next.

1. Arsenal vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Premiere

12^th hosts 10^th in the only EPL game listed for this date.

Fun fact: 2003-04 marks the only time in league history any EPL team went undefeated. Arsenal went 26-12-0. Noob thinks it’s interesting they only happened to score more than four goals once in a season they dominated.    RESULT:   Arsenal  2-0

B. Tijuana vs. U.A.N.L. – Liga MX

5^th hosts 6^th place.

Fun fact: Tijuana’s football club used to be “gallos caliente” – roughly translating to “hot roosters”.  Game not played.

     That chicken struts like a harlot.

3. Real Betis vs. Levante – La Liga

9^th vs. 7^th is enough to get Noob’s attention on a Monday. The Spanish Premier will probably send six teams to European Leagues (CL, Europa), so Levante is in fair shape. That’s pretty sharp for a team that just won the Segunda B a year ago.    RESULT:  Real Betis  4-0

4. Estudiantes la Plata vs. San Lorenzo – Superliga Argentina

Estudiantes is a name you will see a lot, Noobites. Argentina is one of the powerhouse countries of South America (along with Brazil), and Estudiantes are the best team outside the league’s historically “great five” clubs. 3^rd hosts 7^th here.    Upset!    RESULT:   San Lorenzo  1-3

5. Astra Giurgiu vs. CFR Cluj-Napoca – Romania Liga 1

SWARAJ is the longest Scrabble-valid word ending in J in North American (minus Mexico) play. All caps denotes validity, but if an asterisk follows it’s a phony. A # after a word means it’s valid, but only in England and much of rest of the world, which use the Collins – or international English- dictionary. Noob’s full of surprises, interests.

4^th hosts 1^st place.   RESULT:   Cluj   3-2

   Alfred Mosher Butts invented Scrabble.

6. Cork vs. Dundalk – Irish Premier

Noob hasn’t had much reason to pay attention to this league. Cork’s been cutting through it like a chainsaw through butter. But they’re only actually playing good football in recent weeks, not great. Dundalk isn’t likely to catch them by season’s end, but they’re in 2^nd. And they won the country’s FA Cup.    RESULT:   1-1

7. Beroe vs. Levski Sofia – Bulgaria First Professional League

And so our football education continues! CSKA-Sofia and Ludogorets Razgrad are likely the only teams I’ve ever mentioned from this nation. These two are in 4^th and 5^th place respectively.

Beroe is actually an ancient name for the modern city of Stara Zagora. Christian history buffs will notice not similarity to the name “Berea”. Not a coincidence.    RESULT:   0-0

  T-shirt not for sale at the Creation Museum.

8. Anorthosis vs. Doxa Katokpoia – Cypriot First Division

To Cyprus! They’re not even five games into their current season, an arbitrary benchmark Noob typically adheres to for looking at standings. Until then, I revert to the previous season’s table (standings) and scout games involving teams from the top of it. 1^st hosts 5^th here.    RESULT: Anorthosis   2-0

9. Al Ahli Shandi vs. Al Ahli Khartoum – Sudan Premier

On light days like Mondays and Fridays, Noob goes globetrotting to find games form unheralded leagues. But you have our attention Sudan! For all your nations’s faults, your soccer league seems to put on more matches on more weekdays than any Noob’s found. 4^th hosts 3^rd place.  RESULT:  Shandi  1-0

  What made you think Noob was leaving you, Sudan soccer?  Wait wait wait, what the cuss kind of animal is that…

10. Tari’a Al Beja vs. Al Hilal – Sudan Premier

Sudan – don’t you quit on it! 10^th place vs. 2^nd. Al Hilal has yet to lose a match.   RESULT:   Hilal  0-1

1. Brighton & Hove Albion vs. Newcastle United – English Premiere

The one EPL game today pits teams promoted to Premiere just this season. Newcastle has surprised early, sitting wel in the top half of the standings. B&H can’t score, has fewer goalless than anyone except 0-fer everything Crystal Palace.   But all you need is one.    RESULT:  B&HA 1-0

B. Sporting Kansas City vs. L.A. Galaxy – MLS

Congrats from The Management to KC for a convincing U.S. Open Cup championship over New York Red Bulls. Noob, however, hopes you’re drunk on that particular success and get upset by a crappy L.A. Team in your own house.     They sobered up.    RESULT:  KC 2-1

   Midwest drunk be the right kind of drunk.

3. Atlanta United vs. Montreal Impact – MLS

Expansion 4^th place Atlanta continues to impress, and the fans are supporting it in town. I believe they just packed -70,000- into their new stadium. Montreal sits in 7^th, one slot out of the playoffs in the West, and should want no part of 4^th place ATL.    RESULT:  ATL – 2-0

   Is shared with NFL Atlanta Falcons.

4. Vancouver Whitecaps 2 vs. Phoenix Rising – USL

It seems like Noob is always posting expansion Phoenix games right next to MLS Atlanta matches. It’s been fun to watch new clubs do so well. Phoenix is in 5^th in the West, five points out of 4^th and the chance to host a league playoff game. Road wins are always tough to come by, but they need that and not just a draw against lowly VW2 to make that push.   Push.  Push it real good.   RESULT:  Phoenix  0-4

5. Seattle Reign vs. FC Kansas City – NWSL

The four-team playoff is nearly set. Seattle is one of three teams still alive for two unclaimed playoff berths. They need to win their last two matches to even have a shot at one.   Seattle can now make off-season plans.   RESULT:  KC  0-1

6. Etoile du Sahel vs. Ah Ahli Tripoli – CAF Champions League

One more semifinal slot remains to fill in Africa’s premiere club tournament. Noob’s rooting interest always falls anti-Tunisian teams, and so I’m disappointed Al Ahli couldn’t manage only a scoreless tie at home in the first leg of this tie. Sadly, du Sahel should salt this away quickly at home.    Salted.   RESULT:   du Sahel  2-0

   Tunisian student.   That’s dirty pool, interwebs.

7. Hobro IK vs. Brondby – Danish SAS-Ligaen

Hobro was just promoted to the country’s top flight league this season, and they sit in 3^rd. Brondby’s one of the big Copenhagen clubs and will be no easy meat.    Kayaking.  Tiny strokes.    RESULT:  Brondby  1-2

  Actual photo from Hobro’s sports club.

The Management would like to clarify that this is NOT an actual photo of… wait, what?

The Management would like to apologize for The Management’s interruption.  Our crack inter-webs staff informs me this actually IS said photo.  Back about your business.  Off with you now.

8. Royal Charleroi vs. Club Brugge – Belgium Jupiler League

#2 hosts #1 in a dandy matchup between a less-heralded side and one of the league’s two traditional powers.    Tradition.   RESULT:   Brugge  1-2

9. FC Salzburg vs. Austria Vienna – Austrian Bundesliga

#2 hosts #3.

In 2005, Red Bull makers bought then-club FC Austria Salzburg and the changed the name to match their sporting portfolio to include “Red Bull” in the league name, as well as changing the official colors and logo. Fans were so livid, many started a new club under the old name. It competes in the third tier of Austrian football.    RESULT:   0-0

10. Club Deportivo Cuenca vs. Emelec – Ecuador Premier

This league has first and second “phases” instead of the more traditional season segments of Apertura and Clausura. Same thing. It’s in the “segundo fase”, and the Fighting Bulls (morlacos) of Cuenca…who have a lion, -not a bull- on their crest…are in 2^nd place.   RESULT:  Emelec  0-2

    He KNOWS his animals.

1. Liga MX games continue to be postponed. My continued thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by the massive Mexican earthquake.

B. New York City FC vs. Houston Dynamo – MLS

Has enough time passed, have there been enough other natural disasters that Noob can go back to cheering loudly against ‘swamp cities’?

Houston’s been slipping and now sits in a three-way tie for the sixth and final playoff spots in the Western Division. On the road against a top Eastern club doesn’t hold promise for climbing the ladder.  RESULT:  1-1

    Fine.   Build cities like Houston on swamps if you have miraculous pets.

3. Columbus Crew vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

5^th hosts 6^th in the East. Montreal’s the only team really threatening to possibly overtake either of them. If the Crew can hold serve and get three points, they will be -very- hard to catch.   Serve held.   RESULT:  Columbus  3-2

 

4. Real Salt Lake vs. Seattle Sounders – MLS

Salt Lake is having a stellar second half, climbing from the cellar all the way to 6^th place in the West. If there’s one soccer thing Noob detests more than swamp cities, it’s “royal” (real) teams. We’re not bedwetting Brits here. We’re Amuricuhn men!! Seattle is 4^th place Amuricuhn men.  RESULT:  RSL  2-0

   Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you don’t need to shuddup, interwebs.

5. Burnley vs. Huddersfield Town – English Premiere

Huddersfield played in the second-tier ECL last year, winning a playoff final for Promotion. It’s very early, but they’re a surprising 6^th currently. Burnley is league fodder, so H Town could get a result (win or draw) here.  RESULT:  0-0

   Xmas gift for Leeds fan-baby.

6. Atletico Madrid vs. Sevilla – La Liga

Everyone trails mighty Barcelona early, but these are two Champions League-level teams facing off for 2^nd place.  RESULT: Atletico Madrid  2-o

7. San Francisco Deltas vs. Edmonton FC – NASL

SF isn’t going to catch Miami for first. No one is. But remember: Not only do the Fall and Spring Seasons champs make the playoffs from this eight-team league, but the two clubs that get the most points in both seasons combined. And Edmonton’s starting to play more like they’re bad, Spring Season selves.    Closer than Noob thought it would be.  RESULT:  SF  2-1

  Edmonton mascot finished 2nd for being cast as Pennywise in “It” remake.

8. Tampa Bay Rowdies vs. Charlotte Independence – USL

**Noob fail** I am truly Noob. We are learning together. There will be mistakes. I’ve been saying since the start of this site that each division in this league gets six playoffs spots. Each gets eight.

5^th hosts 2^nd place in the East. So instead of this being a fight for playoff survival, it’s a chance to the Rowdies to make a move on a home field match in the league playoffs.   RESULT:  Tampa Bay  1-0

   Noob been Shattnered.

9. Wydad Casablanca vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

Last week, these two played the first leg of their quarterfinal tie, with WC getting an 0-1 road win. We learned a little about Wydad. Now for South African Club Mamelodi.

They are the defending CL champions, pwned by a billionaire mining magnate, and are nicknamed “The Brazilians” because their uniforms resemble those of the Brazilian National Team.  And they won the tie on penalty kicks after aggregate was 1-1.    RESULT:  Wydad  1-0

10. SJK vs. HJK Helsinki – Finland FA Cup

Finland is the weakest of the Laplandic countries when it comes to football. But Noob still hearts a Final! I think SJK is the defending league champion, but HJK is absolutely decimating it this season.   Champions!   RESULT:  HJK  1-0

   Ball’s in your court, rest of Europe!

My continued thoughts and prayers are going out to everyone affected by the Mexico earthquake.

1. and B. The two Liga MX games slated for these slots are postponed.

3. Real Monarchs SLC vs. Orange County SC – USL

There’s enough time for 9^th place Orange County to make a push for the playoffs (top six), but that feels unlikely to start against league juggernaut SLC. As a regular Noobite knows, Noob feels strongly about an American name with “royal” in the name. Down with the faux soccer monarchy! We will pillage and plunder the city of salt lake, and make them envy our democratic system!    Eight teams, not six, make the playoffs from each division.  The O.C. has climbed into a tie for the last slot.   RESULT:  0-0

    Cuss yeah.

4. T.N.S. vs. Llandudno Town – Welsh Premier

TNS ran away with this league last year, and is more or less picking up where they left off very early this season. LT was near the bottom, so their start at #1 is surprising and refreshing.    T.N.S. moves into a tie for first with the vanquished.   RESULT:  TNS  1-0

5. Shimizu S-Pulse vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – J1 League

It’s Friday nite – a typically lighter night for big games. Here, Noob takes us to near the bottom of the standings. Why? Important things still happen there. Three teams will be relegated to J2 League at season’s end. Hiroshima is in 4th-to-last.  Hiroshima stands now five points above the relegation line.   RESULT:   Hiroshima  1-3

And now a musical interlude even Hiroshima can enjoy.   Nagasakians please move on to #6.

 

6. General Diaz vs. Sportive Luqueno – Paraguay Premier

If you have a Noobite friend, make small bets on games like these. They’re fuhn! #3 hosts #4. Smart pesos will be on Diaz, even if you have to spot your pal a goal on the wager.   RESULT:  1-1

7. Club Sportif Sfaxien vs. FUS Rabat – CAF Confederation Cup

Welcome to Africa’s version of Europa League! Sfaxien’s actually been awesome the last 15 years and must be favored to advance to the semifinals. Morocco’s Rabat did win the first leg of the tie 1-0, so Noob holds out hope they can stave off the Tunisians.   But Rubat wins the tie on PK, moves on to semis.    RESULT:  Sfaxien  1-0

   You broke Noob’s “Star Wars” heart, Tunisia.

8. Al Masry vs. El Zemalek – Egyptian Premier

Two of last year’s top four league clubs. Noob’s certainly no polyglot, and isn’t knowledgeable on Arabic What gives with the seemingly different definite articles?    RESULT:  Zamalek  1-2

  That’s the…a…? way to say it.

9. Al-Faisaly vs. Al-Wehdat – Jordan League

Last season’s #1 hosts #3. Dizziness has abated. Matching definite articles.   Wehdat Nation success!    RESULT:  Al-Wehdat  1-2

    Jordan tries answering the implicit question.

10. Fortuna Sittard vs. Jong AZ – Dutch Eerste Divisie

This isn’t the top flight Eredivisie. We’re Friday-expanding our horizons together into second division Netherlands football. 4^Th hosts 5^th. Fun Fact: Jong AZ is one of the Eredivisie club’s reserve teams, and so by rule cannot be promoted.    RESULT:  Sittard  5-1

1. The Mexican match initially scouted for this date has been postponed, certainly due to the massive earthquake. My continued thoughts and prayers to and for all affected.

B. River Plate vs. Wilstermann – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of UEFA Champions League rages on! This is the second leg (game) of this two-legged tie (pairing of games between same two teams). Wilstermann leads on aggregate 3-0, meaning they won the first leg 3-0 at their place.    Now that’s how you make a comeback.  RESULT:  River Plate  8-0

3. Lanus vs. San Lorenzo – Copa Libertadores

San Lorenzo won the first leg 2-0. Will either home team in these quarters be able to overcome their deficit and advance to the semis?   Lanus then advanced to the semis on PK.    RESULT:   Lanus  2-0

   Doogie doesn’t like their chances.

4. Santos de Guapiles vs. Arabe Unido – CONCACAF League

Since it’s been a while, a reminder on what this tournament -is-. This is not a Champions League. This tournament features qualifying Latin American and Caribbean club teams. The winner gets a slot -in- the next CONCACAF CL.

SdG held Arabe to a 0-0 draw in the first match of this semifinal tie. Now they get the Panamanians at home at should finish them off.   They get Honduran side Olimpia in the Finals.    RESULT:   SdG  1-0

  …unless Panamanian Kermit shows up.

5. Motherwell vs. Aberdeen – Scottish League Cup

Also referred to as the Scottish Communities League Cup, it is the second-most prestigious Cup in Scotland. It is contested between all the teams of the top four leagues of the pyramid system there.

Aberdeen was runner up in the Scottish Premiereship last season and is the stronger side. But Motherwell had the literal luck of the draw for determining home field advantage, will play host in Scotland’s “Steel City” for this quarterfinal.    On to the semis.    RESULT:  Motherwell 3-0

6. Cultural Leonesa vs. Valladolid – Spanish Copa del Rey

Copa del Rey is Spain’s FA Cup. This event is just in the third round, but since we Tracked Cultural Leonesa. Noob thought it would be fun to see how far they go. The bad news: Valladolid finished middle of the pack in Segunda B last year, where as Cultural Leonesa just got promoted to that league for this season. The good news: Our boys won the draw for home field advantage for this one-off.    Tuxedo boys are out.    RESULT:  Valladolid  0-4

   Here’s to hoping they break these bad boys back out.

7. River Plate vs. Defensa y Justicia – Copa Argentina

Let confusion reign! Noob failed to realize initially that River Plate was slated for two different matches today. This game will probably be moved to a different date, but I’m listing it in case it’s their Cope Libertadores match that gets moved. This is a Round of 16 one-off, and RP is the event’s defending champion.    RESULT:  ppd

8. Ruch Zdziesszowice vs. Legia Warszawa – Polish Cup

This Round of 16 match simply must be the farthest RZ has ever been. Prior to this season, the highest they have ever finished in their league is 6^th place. And they play in a regionalized third tier league. Meanwhile Warszawa is the defending Ekstraklasa champ, and will score here like a pinball game.    Ruch Zdzkndfbnqeg , we hardly new ye.   RESULT:    Warsaw  0-4

9. CFR Cluj-Napoca vs. FCSB – Romanian Liga 1

Noob has also list games from this league as “First Division”. I just can’t tell which is definitively the real name. #1 hosts #4 here. Not a bad position for CN to be in, given that the club was financially insolvent just three seasons ago. They were nearly dropped to second division that year by their national governing body, despite finishing in 3^rd place. CN won a court case on it, though.    RESULT:  1-1

   What, they don’t deserve a break today?

10. Al Ittihad vs. Al-Hilal – Saudi Premier

#4 hosts a very mighty #1 club here. Fun fact: The hosts’ name means “union” in Arabic. There are many clubs that carry this word in their name around the Arabian world.    RESULT:  1-1