Category: 10 to Track

1. Columbus Crew vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

Neither is in danger of falling out of a playoff spot, but this should be a dandy matchup. 4^th in the Eastern Division vs. 3^rd in the West. The Management pulls for the KC. Noob is far less enchanted with the city and it’s “sporting”. Let’s squabble.

  Let’s git it AWN, The Management!

B. Atlanta United vs. FC Dallas – MLS

Another quality interdivision game, as two 6^th place teams from each division square off. Dallas’ slide from the near the top has continued. Expansion Atlanta has to be excited to be in position to possibly make the playoffs here in Year One.

3. Santos vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Toluca is a top four team once again this half season. Santos is struggling to duplicate their success from the last Clausura when they were 5^th.

4. FC Edmonton vs. North Carolina FC – NASL

Check out last Tuesday’s D-Twosday Interview with Edmontons’s head coach! It was inspirational and tasty.

5. Santos FC vs. Corinthians – Futebol Brasileiro

It’s hard to think Santos could overlook the 1st place league team, but they’re also competing this week in the Copa Libertadores. Hard for Noob not to think Corinthinans could score a big road win.

6. River Plate vs. Banfield – Argentina Superleague

RP is in the Copa as well, so 5^th place Banfield might be prime for picking up a sweet result on the road.

7. CFR Cluj-Napoca vs. Universitatea Craiova – Romania Liga 1

Our first glimpse of the Romanian top-flite!! #1 hosts #2. Cluj are “the railwayman”.

This reminds Noob to let you know that soon a woefully undercovered Premier League will soon be getting it’s due right here on soocernoob. Be on the lookout! All will become clear. Er…

8. Vegalta Sendai vs. Sagan Tosu – J1 League

Full disclosure: These are two middling-at-best sides. But if The Management doesn’t get his Japan-fix, he starts to natter on about tiny, cute apartments and soaplands, and not always in that order.

  The Management, you can field questions from the young, impressionable peanut gallery on this one.

9. CD Motagua vs. Olimpia – Honduras Premier

Motagua has to be happy to be catching Olimpia this week, as the latter may be distracted by their upcoming CONCACAF League semifinal.

10. Buriram United vs. Chiangrai United – Thai Premier

Noob loves to globetrot! Chiangrai is #4 and at least one slot in the standings outside qualifying for the 2019 AFC Champions League. Buriram is #1 and they are “the Thunder Castles”, after the stadium’s nickname.

1. Manchester City vs. Liverpool – English Premier

Top four last year for both, top four this year. This is easily the most important game for the date. Of course, I’m also hoping my Cherries can somehow get a point or three against Arsenal to get off the 0-fer.

B. New York City FC vs. Portland Timbers – MLS

It’s a battle if division #2’s. The Eastern is clearly the better one. Oddly, none of the many other MLS games this day come close to measuring up in stature.

3. FC Kansas City vs. Chicago Red Stars – NWSL

Chicago has a five points breathing room for the final playoff spot right now. But KC is coming off of a nice win and might just not be a slouch at home.

4. Monterrey vs. Necaxa – Liga MX

Los Rayados (“the striped ones”) vs. Los Rayos (“the thunderbolts”). Someone with knowledge of Spanish etymology will have to fill in the Noob on relatedness. Monterrey is making an early move to run away with the Clasusura.

  Touch me in my root words…

OK, that one’s just not taking off.

5. TSG Hoffenheim vs. Bayern Munich – Bundesliga

Last season’s #4 hosts the team even the freshest Noobite surely knows. Fun fact: Baden-Wurttenburg is the area TSG calls home, though the village it is named for has all of maybe 3500 people.

  This is there.  What the actual…

6. Nice. vs. AS Monaco – Ligue 1

Nice finished 4^th last season, but is off to an awful 1-0-3 start now. AS Monaco is doing typical, winning AS Monaco things.

7. San Francisco Deltas vs. Miami FC – NASL

SF’s last tiny little shot at some glory? Noob has been hearing this franchise may not survive another season. For that matter, I’ve heard the same about the league. The US Soccer Federation recently declined to give NASL renewed Division Two sanctioning.

  You put that pointy finger away, sir.   NASL isn’t going down without a fight.

8. Kawasaki Frontale vs. Yokohama F. Marinos – J1 League

#3 hosts #2 in one firecracker of a matchup. One of these teams needs three points to stay within striking distance of frontrunner Kashima.

9. Herediano vs. Saprissa – Costa Rica Premier

Herediano’s #1 and does it on defense. “The Team” (nice nickname) has only given up one goal in eight games. Saprissa is one of the under-the-radar best clubs in all North America and in 2^nd.

10. Bhayangkara vs. Persipura – Indonesian Super League

Let’s get to now a pretty decent league from out East! “The Great Alligator” and “The Black Pearls” are 2^nd and 3^rd in the league respectively. They chase Bali United Pusam in an incredibly tight title race.

Does Disney have a stake in this league or something?

1. Hamburg SV vs. RB Leipzig – Bundesliga

Hamburg SV didn’t finish in the top half last year, but has had a nice start early this campaign. RB Leipzig is a young franchise that finished 2^nd last year.

Leipzig are one of five teams Red Bull energy drink maker owns. The powers that be in German football won’t let the company have it’s own name in the club name, but drink makers be sneaky. ”RasenBallsport Leipzig” is the full official name. “RasenBallsport” translates to “lawn ball sports”, which is absolutely not a usual German turn of phrase.  Helpful abbreviation though.

  RB, bitchez

B. Atlas vs. U.N.A.L. – Liga MX

These teams finished in the top seven for the 2017 Clausura. U.A.N.L. Has picked up where it left off here in the Apertura, though not so with Atlas.

3. Feirense vs. Sporting CP – Portuguese Liga

Sporting CP is a traditional powerhouse and has not lost yet this season. Feirense hasn’t lost yet either. They’re about to at home.

  Only Amuricuhn babies get that fat.   Speak you some English.

4. Bluebell United vs. Shamrock Rovers – Ireland FA Cup

It’s just fun to root for the little guy. Bluebell is the only tier three (or lower) team still competing in this event. They’re from SW suburban Dublin and Noob is certain only gets to maybe play fellow Dubliners SR in preseason friendlies.

  This guy jumped straight from Bluebell to  Premiere team Inverness.  That remade old lady condo lawn chair couldn’t steal -any- of those balls from him.

5. AC Horsens vs. FC Nordsjaelland – Danish SAS-Ligaen

Horsens might be a little lucky they weren’t relegated after last season. But keeping scores low has helped them to 5^th so far this year. They’re seven games have only seen 14 goals scored in total. Nords is in 1^st and a behemoth on offense.

6. Connah’s Quay vs. Bala Town – Welsh Premier

These two duked it out to the last week of the season last year for 2^nd place. Both were behind unstoppable The New Saints.

7. Union Espanola vs. Universidad de Concepcion – Chile Premier

Espanola hasn’t given up a goal five games into the Apertura. Concepcion hasn’t lost, but they’ve also only won once. If a draw is ‘kissing your sister’, what base has Concepcion reached with that strumpet?

  “Strumpet” is classier, Planet Earth.

8. Consadole Sapporo vs. Jubilo Iwata – J1 League

Iwata is Japan’s most successful football club in international competition. But they’re in 6^th right now. With no league playoffs, they’ve got climbing to do to qualify for AFC Champions League next year.

9. Pasaquina vs. Alianza – El Salvador Premiere

This league feels like the NHL. Eight of the 12 teams make a playoff. Pasaquina barely managed it last year. Both clubs are top four currently, but Noobstradamus predicts a road win for perennial powerhouse Alianza.

  Hey, I’m not married to the “Noobstradamus” thing yet.  Go easy.

10. Zanaco vs. Zesco United – Zambia Premier

Zanaco has won the third-most league titles in Premier history there, but it’s Zesco on the top of the standings right now.

Ganboldyn Bilguun, a descendant of Genghis Kan, tried and failed to make Zesco.  He ended up playing elsewhere, but remained a huge fan.  To this day, there is a substantial fanbase in Turkmenistan for this team.

       It’s true!  Shoosh.

After the latest surge of WCQ matches, the soccer league world seems to be taking a comparative break. Yesterday it was the Oliy League of Uzbekistan we got to know some. What could be in store for today?

Just know this, Noobites. Our goal is to be cognizant of the most significant matches from the eyes of one new-ish fan from North America. We are also citizens of the world. Thanks for getting to know some of the less-prominent leagues of the world with Noob!

1. Flamengo vs. Cruziero – Copa do Brazil

It’s the final! Two of the country’s traditional powerhouses collide in the first leg of the tie. Flamengo is the most popular and richest of club teams in Brazil. Cruziero, though younger as a club, has more Copa titles though.

B. Orlando City B vs. Richmond Kickers – USL

My thoughts and prayers for Orlando and Florida. Good luck against Irma.

If this game is able to proceed as scheduled, Orlando should handle lowly Richmond. Being in 6^th place and holding on to the last playoff spot in the East currently, they should be motivated and then some.

3. AD Alcorcon vs. Cultural Leonesa – Copa del Rey

Noob will be looking to the Spanish FA Cup more regularly as it gets to its later rounds. Right now is the second round.  La Liga teams don’t even enter the tournament for two more rounds. But it’s a thin Thursday, so let’s get to know some smaller teams!

Alcorcon is a city in SW Madrid metro. The play in Segunda B, the second tier of Spanish soccer. Their athletic club hosts and American football team as well. Cultural Leonesa also plays Segunda B. A couple seasons back they introduced a kit that looked like a tuxedo.

  The soccer kit that says, “Formal.  But ready to party.”

4. Osasuna vs. Albacete – Copa del Rey

Osasuna, based out of Pamplona, were demoted last year from La Liga. Albacete plays in Seginda B. Their nickname is “queso mecanico” – “Clockwork Cheese”. That’s crazytown.

  It’s true, Sideburns.

5. Platinum Stars vs. How Mine – Zimbabwe Premier

2^nd place hosts 5^th place in a tight league race halfway through. Platinum Stars were “Club Mimosa” just a few years ago. Noob is confident they were then named for the flower, but wishes it were for the breakfast-y time adult beverage. They should have a friendly with Clockwork Cheese.

  No mimosas, ladies?  I guess it’s 5 o’clock and almost time for the dirt nap somewhere…

6. Sabail FK vs. Qarabag FK – Azerbaijan Premier

You may recognize the visitors here. They are still alive in UEFA Champions league, becoming the first team from this nation to ever reach that event’s Group Stage, the “competition proper”.

7. Police United vs. Defence Force – Belize Premier

The Management was surprised to learn Belize even has a league of this level. Noob doesn’t know much about their extradition policy there, but if a Noobite ever has cause to flee his or her home country, now you’ll know a little football there. Of course, given the team names, one may want to be very careful about -attending- a match.

  Those aren’t soccer kits they’re wearing.  Run, Noobites!

8. Kota Ranger vs. Kasuka – Brunei Super League

Fun facts: Brunei’s presumably best club team actually competes in Singapore’s S-League. Also, their second tier is labeled “Premier”, which Noob has read used to actually be more common around the soccer world. The Super League winner qualifies for the AFC Champions League, provided they fulfill all the confederation’s certification requirements. No team from Brunei ever has.

9. Muktijoddha vs. Dhaka Abahani – Bangladesh Premier

We return to Bangladesh! Two middling teams face off for…probably nothing, but Noob loves it anyway! Did you know, Dhaka is considered the rickshaw capital of the world? And if you did, you’re clearly spending your free time in as equally productive ways as Noob.

10. Brothers Union vs. Chittagong Abahani – Bangladesh Premier

Also, rickshaw art is considered a form of neo-romaticism! And each part of the country has it’s own very distinct style of the art.

Noob is losing soccer focus. Where are the peanuts and Gatorade?? Chittagong is number one in the league, and in our hearts. They should handle freefalling Brothers even on the road.

  So awesome.  Too bad Amazon’s probably gouging the price like bottled water ahead of Irma.  Ass hats.

1. New York City FC vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

The only MLS game on tap for this date, and it’s a fine one. 2^nd in the East vs. The Management favorite #3 in the West.

B. Miami FC vs. New York Cosmos – NASL

Miami is the class of the NASL. A likely win at home over the Coz gives them a stranglehold on 1^st place over the three teams vying three points behind them.

A reminder to check out the latest edition of D-Twosday interviews! Edmonton head coach Colin Miller brings the heat out of the Canadiaian cold.

3. Harrisburg City Islanders vs. Tampa Bay Rowdies – USL

TB leads a gaggle of teams for the last two playoff spots in the Eastern Division. Harrisburg City stinks. But we thank them for reminding us they are a city. Just “Harrisburg” might’ve left us thinking they were a continent or planet.

  <— Tampa Bay Rowdie midfielder

4. Vancouver Whitecaps FC 2 vs. Tulsa Rednecks – USL

This mirrors the above game. Tulsa is in 5^th , with many teams very close behind. Vancouver 2 is ungood.

5. Sarmiento de Junin vs. Sacachispas – Copa Argentina

The Round of 32 in this one-off tournament features a middle Sacachispas team from the -fourth- tier of league system. The name is taken from a team out of the 1948 movie Pelota de Trapo (“Ragged Football”).  They’re the equivalent perhaps of NHL’s Mighty Ducks.

6. Huachipato vs. Universidad Catolica – Copa Chile

Hauchipato is the lesser team here, but the UC hasn’t been as strong this Clausura as in their Apertura.

Hauchipato are “The Steelers”. Noob enjoys the NFL Pittsburghy-logo.

7. Mash’ Al Mubarek vs. Navbahor Namangan – Oliy Liga

Let’s all go to Uzbekistan! Or at least let Noob introduce you to their league, since we don’t have so many “big league” matchups to savor.

Mubarek is a city of maybe 25,000. It means “gracious”. These two teams are middling in the league.

8. FK Dinamo Samarkand vs. Kokand 1912 – Oliy Liga

Noob would feel better if he knew how to pronounce this league name. Only four letters, yet I am stumped.

Samarkand is perhaps the oldest inhabited city in central Asia, with proof of humans living there dating back to the Paleolithic era.

  Haz with a Z.  Samarkand often has a Q for the K.  Fun with alphabetness.

9. Obod Tashkent vs. Sogdiana Jizzakh – Oliy Liga

There are four top-flite teams based in Tashkent. FC Obod is the worst. But they are better than Sogdiana Jizzakh.

10. Neftchi Fergana vs. Bukara – Oliy Liga

Neftchi is one of the two traditional powers in Uzebistan. But they are slogging along in 15^th place currently. American musician Fergie is a bigtime supporter.

  Shoosh, crazy fact checker-lady.

1. USA vs. Honduras – CONCACAF WCQ

The Hex is now a dogfight for 3^rd place after USA crapped the bed at home against Costa Rica.  How could the US soccer powers that be allow that game to take place in NYC??  Costa Rica had fans there, Noobites.  Many fans.   That game should’ve been held in freakin’ Duluth.

So now they are tied with Honduras on points. A road win here is in order. If they draw, Panama lurks just a point behind them.

  Maybe if Costa Rica had been required to wear these…

B. Costa Rica vs. Mexico – CONCACAF WCQ

The only mystery now is which of these two will win The Hex. They’re both going to the World Cup. But the best two North American teams facing off is not one to miss.

3. Ireland vs. Serbia – UEFA WCQ

Ireland trails Serbia by two points for 1^st place in the Group. Winning it outright seems a fine idea, as right now they’re in danger of being the one 2^nd place team that doesn’t advance to the next round.

4. Iceland vs. Ukraine – UEFA WCQ

Iceland’s only a point behind 2^nd place Ukraine, and 1^st place Croatia isn’t miles ahead, either. Noob predicts a draw, leaving both teams well alive to fight for advancement.

5. Turkey vs. Croatia – UEFA WCQ

Even after a loss last week at Ukraine, Turkey is not out of it. They need a win over motivated Croatia to maintain realistic hopes of 2^nd place though.

6. Colombia vs. Brazil – CONMEBOL WCQ

Brazil has already qualified for the WC, so it will be interesting to see if they play true starters, are motivated. Colombia barely leads the crowd of -seven- teams fighting for the remaining three automatic WC slots and the de facto one via the inter-confederation playoff.

7. Uzbekistan vs. South Korea – AFC WCQ

The last set of games for this event now begins. 2^nd place South Korea’s in the WC with a win, and even a good chance with a draw. Uzbekistan is tied for 3^rd, the slot that keeps AFC teams alive to fight for one more round.

8. Saudi Arabia vs. Japan – AFC WCQ

Japan has already qualified for the WC. The Saudis are tied for 2^nd place and probably can’t fall to worse than 3^rd. The 4^th place Emirates are super-hoping Japan plays hard.

  -So- not what U.A.E. meant

9. DR Congo vs. Tunisia – CAF WCQ

Noob may never get over the Tunisians for utterly abandoning the original Star Wars sets. Go, DR Congo! The Dark Side of the Force leads DRC by three points. Only the group winners advance.

10. Egypt vs. Uganda – CAF WCQ

Egypt went to Uganda last and lost. Egypt is the traditional African power, so trailing Uganda by a point for first now is kind of a big deal.

  Yes, Egypt.  You really might lose.

1. England vs. Slovakia – UEFA WCQ

England leads their Group. No surprise. But Slovakia is lurking just two points back might be one. No upset alert blaring here, but wouldn’t it be interesting.

B. Armenia vs. Denmark – UEFA WCQ

One 2^nd place team from the nine groups isn’t going to get to advance to the next round. This Group’s may just be that one. These two are tied for 2nd, three points behind what Noob thinks is very catchable Poland.

3. Northern Ireland vs. Czech Republic – UEFA WCQ

To be honest, this match looked more compelling a few days ago when Noob was scouting for this date. Germany’s running away from the Group. Northern Ireland is firmly entrenched in 2^nd. The Czechs are in 3^rd, but they need a win to stay perhaps even mathematically alive to possibly advance.

  Czechedy Czechedy

4. Montenegro vs. Poland – UEFA WCQ

Remember, this is the Group out of which only one team might advance, per B. Montenegro’s goal differential is much, much better than Poland’s. If the former hold serve here they will be in first on GD.

5. Slovenia vs. Lithuania – UEFA WCQ

When Slovenia failed to get a result on the road a few days ago at 2^nd place Slovakia, this took a little luster off of this match. They’re in a dead heat at 3^rd place with Scotland, yet anything but a win against already-eliminated Lithuania would be disastrous to their hopes.

6. Cameroon vs. Nigeria – CAF WCQ

Cameroon got housed in Nigeria a few days ago. They fell to 3^rd and must get a win to have any real shot for the WC.

7. Soloman Islands vs. New Zealand – OFC WCQ

NZ took the first leg 6-1. Soloman Islands are done. But it’s a WCQ, so here we are. On a Monday, WCQ is what there is.

  No lame punchline.  Just learningness.

8. Newell’s Old Boys vs. Godoy Cruz – Copa Argentina

Noob adores this Copa. One game and done., no two-legged ties. Newell’s should overwhelm the “wine-producer” visitors. Quite the nickname, hombres.

9. Aldosivi vs. Velez Sarsfield – Copa Argentina

Aldosivi finished dead last in the league last season (30^th). Still, Noob thinks at home they can give the middling A-League visitors all the can handle. Upset alert.

10. Kenya vs. Togo – friendly

A former coworker from Kenya once made Noob an excellent cup of hot tea with milk.  I don’t miss that job a lick, but I miss that gal’s friendship.

  Screw you, lactose intolerance.  This is worth it.

1. Belarus vs. Sweden – UEFA WCQ

Sweden’s loss in Bulgaria Thursday likely marks the beginning of the end for their hopes of winning the Group. Road wins can, of course, be tough to come by, but they should beat Belarus and start cementing their advancement to the next qualifying Round.

B. Netherlands vs. Bulgaria – UEFA WCQ

Bulgaria’s only a point behind Sweden; Netherlands three points. The Dutch have fallen quite a ways in the last couple years. They need a result and almost certainly a win to really stay alive for possible 2^nd place finish.

  This is a “trash-eater’ (garbage can) in Efteling.  Noob’s nightmares thank you, Netherlands.

3. Greece vs. Belgium – UEFA WCQ

It’s a little hard to believe someone in this group managed even a draw against Belgium. They’ve outscored the peanut gallery 33-2 in this event! Greece can’t be expected to catch them, but even a draw will put them firmly in driver’s seat for 2^nd.

4. Chicago Red Stars vs. North Carolina Courage – NWSL

Tied for 3^rd hosts 1^st as the regular season winds down. Top four make the league playoffs, so Chicago would probably be happy with even a draw at home. Which will be tough to get.

5. FC Kansas City vs. Sky Blue FC – NWSL

Sorry, The Management. KC is playing for just dignity now. Sky Blue, however, is only three points out of the 3^rd/4^th place tie.

  Will this be the lead-in for NWSL on Lifetime or the other way around?

6. Iberia vs. Colo-Colo – Copa Chile

So-so B-league Iberia went to the historically greatest of all time in Colo-Colo and won 3-2 in the first leg!  It’s still hard to fathom Colo-Colo not turning things up a notch in the second leg. I initially planned for the other Copa game for this date here, but wow this could be a colossal upset in the Round of 16.

7. Independiente Medellin vs. Independiente Santa Fe – Liga Aguila

Let’s learn about Colombian football! Santa Fe are the defending champions. And they are in 1^st this go-round. Class dismissed.

8. Olimpia vs. General Diaz – Paraguay Premier

General Diaz is the surprise. Olimpia finished near the top in the Apertura. Also surprising – I don’t think General Diaz is named for a person, or at the very least not a military man of that name and rank.

  One of Noob’s favorite crests

9. Santos vs. Limon – Costa Rica Premier

They’re just 5^th and 7^th in the standings right now, but it’s early in this league’s Apertura. Noob believes these are two perennial excellent clubs.

10. Malacateco vs. Petapa – Guatemala Premiere

If you know Malacateco at all, it is probably as a drug trafficking hot spot. Noob wonders if the athletic facilities are quite nice then.

  Is that Corningware?  Simply lovely

Apologies, The Management. Your Swope Park (KC) and San Francisco clubs’ games aren’t compelling enough to make the Saturday T2T. You’ll have to write a strongly-worded letter to yourself over what to do about Noob.

[copied from previous post]

Each continental confederation holds its own event to determine which teams get into the World Cup. UEFA is over halfway through their Group Stage. Winners of each group of six will qualify for the WC. Most 2nd-place finishers will advance to a playoff and have another chance to qualify.

1. Spain vs. Italy – UEFA WCQ

These two are tied for 1^st in their group. Both will advance. The only question is which one will qualify into the World Cup out of this round and which will have to thump some other 2nd-place finisher to get in.

B. Ukraine vs. Turkey – UEFA WCQ

3^rd and 4^th place in this group – this at first seem like a throwaway game. But this bunch has no one outstanding team. These two are very much in the thick of the race, and are evenly-matched to boot.

3. Montreal Impact vs. Chicago Fire – MLS

Chicago has dipped to 4^th place. The Fire are in danger of not hosting an MLS Cup playoff match if their fall continues. Canadia is not a good place to be heading. Montreal is running away from the whole league.

  They’re also running from bears.  Bears!!

4. FC Dallas vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

Dallas slide of late is so bad they’re actually envying Chicago. 7^th place has them outside-looking-in for playoffs. Red Bulls will be no easy meat, either.

  The gal isn’t intimidating anyone.  She looks scared for her life.  Canadiaian bears are coming!

[copied from previous T2T]]

It’s very simple in Africa in this the third and final round of their qualification event. 20 teams remain alive, divided into five pods of four. Winners go to the WC. All others are done.

5. Senegal vs. Burkina Faso – CAF WCQ

Burkina Faso is in 1^st, but it’s early and Senegal is the better team historically and only a point back. Noob looks for a Group changing of the guard.

  Have their new national team logo your way.

6. Miami FC vs. Puerto Rico FC – NASL

Check out the latest D-Twosday Interview to get PR FC head coach Marco Velez’s deepest thoughts on this #1-#2 matchup. It’s caliente. He’s caliente. Can Noob say that?

  Mandy Patinkin:  soccernoob Editor

7. Louisville City FC vs. Charleston Battery – USL

Noob truly lives up to his moniker. If forced to, Noob would’ve guessed the Battery were from West Virginia. They are from South Carolina, in a metro area well over 4x the size of WV’s capital. We’re all learning here. This is why Noob is.

Oh yeah, and these teams are 1^st and 2^nd in the Eastern Division.

  Charlestons galore

8. Real Monarchs SLC vs. San Antonio FC – USL

Noob has said it before and does so again: Amuricuh! Real means “royal”. We have no kings and queens here. Go, San Antonio fighting chickens! (Noob hopes that’s their nickname anyway.)

Oh yeah. Focus, Noober! 1^st vs 2^nd in the Western Division.

  Well-played, interwebs.

9. Deportivo Lara vs. Deportiva Tachira – Venezuelan Premier

Venezuela is not Argentina or Brazil when it comes to soccer. Noob knows even experienced Amuricuhn soccerheads aren’t paying attention. But we can expand our horizons a little. It’s free to try. And so! It’s early in this league’s Clausura, but Lara and Tachira are in 2^nd and 4^th place. Lara’s the surprise here, as they were in the bottom half of the Apertura standings.

10. Orlando Pride vs. Boston Breakers – NWSL

The Pride are in 4^th and really much better than 5^th place Sky Blue FC. But that doesn’t mean they can afford to fall asleep against last place Boston. Noob hopes they do. Orlando = swamp city. Boo to swamp cities!

Also, are there two teams that more need to switch nicknames than these?

  Noob wonders how Minnesota St. soccer is doing.

In light of your misdeeds cited at post’s beginning, Noob:

  Love, The Management

1. United States vs. Costa Rica – CONCACAF WCQ

Six teams are vying for three WC slots, and so this single grouping is called “The Hex” (or hexagonal).

The USA sits in 3^rd place. Winning the group outright was perhaps never a serious consideration because Mexico is Mexico. But Costa Rica is in 2^nd place and this is the country Amuricuh needs to pass. Panama lurks a single point los estados unidos.

B. Mexico vs. Panama – CONCACAF WCQ

And so Amuricuh is probably silently rooting for Mexico. Except Mexican-Americans. They’ll be far more open in their support. Don’t harass Noob.

  Go after this girl instead.

[copied from previous T2T]

Each continental confederation holds its own event to determine which teams get into the World Cup. UEFA is over halfway through their Group Stage. Winners of each group of six will qualify for the WC. Most 2nd-place finishers will advance to a playoff and have another chance to qualify.

3. Czech Republic vs. Germany – UEFA WCQ

Germany has outscored its opponents 27-1 in this group. The Czechs are have only cashed in nine goals, though are in 3^rd place. Noob is something of a Euro-mutt as far as ancestry, but is plenty Czech, so gofightwin! Or at least don’t crap the bed.

  You’re right, Richard.  Noob apologizes for that pun.

4. Denmark vs. Poland – UEFA WCQ

The Poles have yet to lose this round. Denmark is tied with surprising-to-Noob Montenegro for 2^nd.

  No need to apologize, headless and armless guy.  We don’t think you’re in the dating pool really.

5. Slovakia vs. Slovenia – UEFA WCQ

Noob cannot love either team, since I have to type five characters deep to differentiate between the two with cntrl-F searches. They are in 2^nd and 3^rd place respectively, and England isn’t putting tons of space between themselves and these.

  Yeah, what Batman says!  And…biff.  Pow!

[copied and ediited* from previous T2T]

It’s very simple in Africa in this the third and final round of their qualification event. 2o teams remain alive, divided into five pods of four. Winners go to the WC. All others are done.

6. Nigeria vs. Cameroon – CAF WCQ

These two play twice in five days. Nigeria leads by four points after just two games in the group. Cameroon ought to be every bit as good, but cannot afford a loss and probably needs at least one win to hold out hope for a WC slot.

7. Cape Verde vs. South Africa – CAF WCQ

Cape Verde is pretty fair in recent years, but sits in last this go-round. South Africa is tied for 1^st in the group with Burkina Faso.

8. Tunisia vs. DR Congo – CAF WCQ

Guinea and Libya stink out loud, so this group will be decided by these two. Star Wars stuff was shot in Tunisia, so the Noober is kinda diggin’ the home team. Not full Adoption though.

  Tunisia:  “This is why we can’t have nice things!”

9. New Zealand vs. Solomon Islands – OFC WCQ

Here stand the last two teams (of only 11 or 12) from Oceania. They play a two-legged tie for an inter-confederation playoff spot. No auto-qualification into the WC for this bunch.

  extrememidgetwrestlingnoob.com?

10. Coquimbe Unido vs. San Luis – Copa Chile

Noob had to break the pattern of WC quals. Round of 16. Coquimbe is fun to say. Put the emphasis on any syllable. Stretch it out. Become a fan.

  Coquimbe.  Coooooquimbe.  Coquimmmmbe.  CoquimBE!!