2018-19 Isle of Sodor PL feature match previews and recaps Archives - Page 3 of 3

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 30 (3/23-24) – On Sat., #3 tries to stay in the race; Ffarquhar tries to stay up

Matchday 30 (Sat., 3/23) Preview (Sunday preview to follow tomorrow)

#20 Arlesburgh Utd. vs. #5 Kirk Ronan
#19 Tidmouth City vs. T7 Junction & Sheds
#16 Brendam Utd. vs. #12 Lakeside
#10 Suddery vs. #9 Glennock

Plus the Saturday Feature Match: #3 Peel Godred hosts #17 Ffarquhar

Deja vu all over again! They played two weeks ago and face off again today. Ffarquhar took the W at home, 5-3. But this week we get to learn a little more about a new host town.

Image result for PGFC crest Welcome to “Peel”, at is referred more often than not, locally. The small town lies in the north central part of Sodor. It’s more or less the northern terminus for the train system that’s been fictionalized in the “Thomas” stuff.

It’s not a town of particular note, though truly a town in Sudric terms, as opposed to a village. Aluminum factory. Small lake nearby. But there are lots of villages close at hand, and the folks there have chosen to feed their best players into PGFC, instead of fielding their own, smaller possible Championship clubs.

Peel sit just four points behind league-leading Dryaw FC. While not defensive aggressively (almost no club on Sodor is), Peel are an interesting case. They tend to not throw everyone forward, all the time, like so many here do. Instead, they actually play formations more common in soccer the world over, especially preferring the 5-2-2-1, then trying to score on counters.

The last month, they’re 2-1-1. Staying afloat is fine, but they can’t afford to drop any points hosting a team fighting the Relegation riptide, not at home, not if they are going to win the league.

Image result for FFFC football crest Last week’s victory over PG, coupled with Ulfstead‘s matchday 29 loss, put the Double F back above the Relegation line by a point. It was their first win in a month, a stretch that included a loss to Ulfstead. Since Ulfstead faces their own stern road test today (at Wellsworth), it wouldn’t be surprising to see this turn into a defensive affair. A draw should be enough to keep FF out of the Drop Zone for at least one more week.

Noob calls it: 4-3 Peel Godred If Ffarquhar don’t play there usual game (slightly more offensively-oriented than average), PG will win. They’re a team that takes advantage of others’ mistakes and FF will make some if they stray from their usual style.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 29 (wknd 3/9-10) – A blown opportunity means the title race stays close!

Matchday 29 (Sun., 3/10) in Review

#6 Wellsworth 5 vs. 5 #4 Kirk Ronan
T7 Junction & Sheds 1 vs. 1 #16 Brendam Utd.
#19 Tidmouth City 0 vs. 4 #3 Knapford Town
#20 Arlesburgh Utd. 1 vs. 4 #5 Crovan’s Gate

(Saturday’s In Review is now at bottom of this same post.)

and Sun. Feature Match: Title race still exactly that!

Dryaw FC are still #1. They were one of the last teams to get slotted in the Premier League, based in merely a larger village, not town, and with a lot of competition for regional players close by.

Image may contain: text But losing 4-1 to Suddery FC was a missed opportunity. The road can be tough, obviously. But everyone travels to Capital City stadium. It plays more like a neutral field most matches. And SFC had only scored three goals in their last four matches.

Dryaw have picked up a few key points this last month, but dropped plenty. They’ve been in every single match, but the W’s just haven’t fallen in place like all fall and winter. And then DFC came out like and played the whole first half like this was merely some sort of exhibition.

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Heck, there warmup calisthenics were clearly just catnap time.

Overconfidence? It may have played a role. But the state of soccer in Suddery that seems to be a disadvantage for the home side can apparently affect visitors the same way. Over the pre-FA years, every club has played countless times at Capital City Stadium. Visiting fans are used to travelling here and do so. And since the town is full of transplants from all over the Isle, Dryaw have some resident fans here.

Suddery FC may not have a great home advantage, given all this. But Dryaw clearly didn’t come in with any sort of “edge”. It’s not a road test that gets one’s fight-or-flight adrenaline going. Everything and everyone get cheers. The teams jogged around, all smiles as they played. And then Dryaw seemed to remember there was a title on the line, pushing hard to get an equalizer at 44′.

The second half had a different feel. Dryaw came out ready to roll finally. But title non-contending Suddery seemed to realize this was their biggest match of the season remaining. They came out even stronger, to the surprise and delight of home fans. They truly won the crowd. Dryaw had more shots on goal, but Suddery had just as many and made three count.

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Where does that leave Dryaw? Here’s the newest table. And here’s the upshot: There was another change at #2. Dryaw are lucky Knapford Town or Peel Godred haven’t gone on a streak, each just collecting points on recent alternating matchdays. KTFC are once again the closest contender, just two points back after an easy win over Relegation Zone-Tidmouth City. Peel’s surprising loss to #17 Ffarquhar leaves them four points behind DFC.

And oh yes, congrats to the double-F on their big win over #2 Peel yesterday. Best of their year. After one week below the Cutline, they’re back to safety. Still, #18 Ulfstead trails them by just a point. High drama awaits us next weekend, Matchday 30.

Matchday 29 (Sat., 3/9) in Review

#10 Castle Rolf 2 vs. 3 #15 Brendam Harbor
#18 Ffarquhar 5 vs. 3 #2 Peel Godred
#9 Glennock 2 vs. 5 #12 Lakeside
#17 Ulfstead 4 vs. 7 T13 Marron

and Sat. Feature Match: The Walney Channel Derby goes extra time!

Perhaps such a result was destined for Vicarstown FC and East Coast Diesel. The teams already had more draws than any others in the league. Now they each get one more. This in-league inaugural derby ends 6-6.

It surely didn’t look like it was going to end even when halftime came. The mighty blue V – Vicarstown FC – were in control throughout the first 45 minutes, held a 6-2 advantage. The Vicars spread everyone out on offense. E.C.D. seemed, as has been the case all season, reticent to play what used to be their usual bruising brand of defense. Technically the far sounder side, VFC danced around the Diesels, scoring with ease.

Image result for east coast diesel crest And then it all changed. VFC trotted out, pleased as punch. E.C.D., though, came out a minute later. Walking. Stoic. Noob saw opposing fans shiver, and it wasn’t a cold day. E.C.D. supporters sensed what they’d been waiting for all season, simply stood and watched their side advance with silent approval.

Between 46′ and 57′, every player but the goalie earned a yellow for the Diesels. It mattered not a whit that VFC spread themselves out again. E.C.D anticipated it, used the openness to make a point. “We’re going to hit everyone one of you hard and we -want- everyone to see it, every time.”

Image result for soccer injury light blue kit The cornflower blue-clad Vicars were strewn about the pitch as if mauled by lions.

Or, kicked in the shins and such a fair bit.

Now, every Vic was playing on his heels. The players bunched together and couldn’t get any offensive rhythm going. That wasn’t such a drawback on their defensive end, but now it was E.C.D. with the pressure. They’re not as purely talented a group, but got within one before four minutes of added time.

Three minutes into that came Luke Motherwell’s equalizer, a stunningly-angled volley that gave us the final score.

The bad boys are back. Forever more and once again fear the orange away kit-clad men of E.C.D., Sudrians.

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2018-19 East Coast Diesel pre-season team photo

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 29 – #1 gets road tested in the Capital

Sun., 3/9
#6 Wellsworth vs. #4 Kirk Ronan
T7 Junction & Sheds vs. #16 Brendam Utd.
#19 Tidmouth City vs. #3 Knapford Town
#20 Arlesburgh Utd. vs. #5 Crovan’s Gate

plus the Sunday Feature Match: #1 Dryaw FC face a Capital City road test

Seven points separate the ninth and tenth positions in the table. For teams still vying for an uncertain top-half finish here in the PL’s inaugural season, that means its 10th place or bust. This will probably fall to current #10 Castle Rolf or today’s hosts – Suddery FC.

#1 Dryaw opened up a four point lead with #4 Kirk Ronan, all but knocking them out of title contention. This after a February where they played solidly, but tread water at best. Will the little village that could have be able to muster up another road W? Trap-match feel workin’ here.

Image may contain: text Suddery have one win their last three matches. Goodness knows how — they’ve scored just one goal over that stretch! Their issues on offense have always ebbed and waned. They didn’t even manage three goals per match over the summer’s inaugural FA Cup.

The town of Suddery isn’t one of the two “Main Towns”, but it is the biggest one with just a single team representing it. They’re on the inland end of the Isle’s southwest peninsula, with no main town or big villages anywhere near them competing for area talent. So why aren’t SFC more successful?

Capital City Stadium, Suddery, is the home of the Sudric National Team (“The Sodor Strikers”).
Being the capital, this is the one place on the Isle where a lot of people are from somewhere else on the Isle; they bring their club allegiances with them.
More, Capital City Stadium has been home to countless tourneys and friendlies over the long pre-FA years. Transplants get to see their hometown teams in person right in town Suddery.

Everyone in Suddery loves soccer. But many only like the local FC. SFC are not the sporting heart of the community. Noob thinks that can’t help by permeate the team.

Noob calls it: Noob’s biased, as village Dryaw is Noob’s singular fave place to be on the Isle. But until SFC shows they can score, they’re not to be favored against a current top team.

1 – 5 Dryaw FC. The magical title run continues.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 29 (3/9-10) – to Vicarstown for a new derby!

Matchday 29 (Sat., 3/9) Preview (Sunday preview to follow tomorrow)

#10 Castle Rolf vs. #15 Brendam Harbor
#18 Ffarquhar vs. #2 Peel Godred
#9 Glennock vs. #12 Lakeside
#17 Ulfstead vs. T13 Marron

Plus the Saturday Feature Match: New derby time!

Throw away the records and forget their positions in the table — it’s time for a new intracity derby! Hello from Vicarstown, home of Vicarstown FC and East Coast Diesel (E.C.D.) FC. The former will host, and does play on their own separate grounds.

While the teams have played over the years, of course, this is the first time they’ve met in this inaugural Premier League season. They most recently did in last summer’s first-ever FA Cup quarterfinals. There, E.C.D. advanced with a 4-8 win.

For this year, at least, they’ve settled on the name “The Walney Channel Derby“. (And remember to say it like it looks if you ever visit. None of that “dahr-bee” foolishness flies here.) Vicarstown is the closest point on Sodor to Britain. In fact, V-town and Barrow, Cumbria, England are connected by a bridge over said channel.

Vicarstown FC are currently tied for 13th place with Marron. There only point in the last month came at Castle Rolf in a 1-1 draw. Still, the Vicars had enough success early in the season to at least have seemingly staved off any chance of Relegation. They’re eight points ahead of #18 Ffarquhar.

The Vic’s have always traveled widely throughout the Isle over the years. The Sudric style of soccer is one of offense by virtue of non-aggressive defense. This team is welcomed everywhere for perhaps best embodying that principle.

East Coast Diesel, on the other hand…are decidedly NOT popular with the masses. They do have fans everywhere, small patches in each of the biggest towns who admire their style of play. That style is anything but classic Sudric. “The Happy Hooks” play comparatively hard defense. They’ve even been known to employ slide tackles (gasp!).

Image result for east coast diesel crest They’d perhaps be even higher in the table than merely tied for 7th and out of the title chase, but they draw from a far smaller pool of players than their rivals. E.C.D. draw almost exclusively from the dieselworks part of Vicarstown. They are a surly, rough lot, and have rarely been invited anywhere over the years for friendlies or to play in loosely organised regional all-around days or tourneys. In short, they are widely considered uncouth — causers of both CONFUSION and DELAY , in football and in general.

Image result for workington afc crest Rumor has it that for years, E.C.D. has periodically ferried the channel to Barrow where they scrimmage factory teams and such. And to do some pub crawling and brawling around Cumbria. It’s been said they’ve even held their own against the Northern Premier League English seventh-tier side Workington AFC before. The Sodor FA frowns on such going forward, wanting to keep their sporting separate from the more commercial, bigger leagues of the world for now.

Match Prediction:

E.C.D. have clearly had an identity crisis all year. They’re aggressive on defense, but not as physical as was expected. Perhaps being in the new, formal FA has muted their worst aspects. But they haven’t in turn been able to score much at all of late. Vicarstown haven’t had much early spring success, but they’ve been competent on both ends of the pitch at least.

Noob calls it: VFC 4-2 The whole town seems tense over this first derby. If the players feel the same way, the first half may be played pretty deliberately, without much scoring. But I think in the end that E.C.D. need to decide next year if they’re going to play their previously trademark hard D or not. Half-assing it isn’t working as their season winds down.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 28 (Sun., 3/3) – #4 hosts #1!

Sun., 3/3
#8 Glennock vs. T12 Vicarstown
#20 Arlesburgh Utd. vs. T12 Marron
#15 Lakeside vs. #10 Suddery
#5 Crovan’s Gate vs. #9 Junction & Sheds
#4 Kirk Ronan vs. #1 Dryaw

Feature Sunday Match: #4 Kirk Ronan hosts #1 Dryaw FC

KRFC club logo.png If they’re to make a serious run at the title, today is must-win for fading Kirk Ronan. They’re six points off the league leaders and have two other clubs to jump, looking more like pretender than contender. There February tells the tale.

2/2 home win over #7 Wellsworth
2/9 spanked at #2 Knapford Town
2/16 1-1 home draw against #3 Peel Godred
2/23 road loss to #13 Marron

This first-ever Premier season hasn’t been quite as high-scoring as Sudrics thought it would be (though certainly more goals get made here than anywhere in Europe). Kirk Ronan give up too many of late in the new reality, unless they park the bus and don’t score themselves.

Meanwhile, Dryaw FC – everyone’s smaller village club that could – continue to lead the league, if just (two points ahead of Knapford Town). Their narrow home loss last weekend to then-#9 Glennock was a surprise that will haunt them mightily if they can’t hang on.

The weekend before, the road 2-2 draw to #5 Crovan’s gate didn’t look so scary. Now? One is forced to wonder if their magic run might be over. This wasn’t ever a team expected to contend. In fact, they were likely the last team to get slotted as Premier instead of Championship before this inaugural season.

Match Prediction: Neither club has momentum in their favor now, having faced meatier parts of this schedules the past month. Kirk Ronan has looked the more inconsistent and perhaps flat-out fatigued. Dryaw’s home loss was tough, but by just a goal. They’ve only lost three all season. Noob doens’t look for them to drop a second one in a row at home.

Dryaw 4-3 is the call.

Image result for noobstradamus You’re just 1-1 on these predictions, and were nowhere close on the score for the win you called right

When are you going to put the superstar of prognostication back in?

Noobstradamus awaits.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 28 (Sat., 3/2) preview – Who stays up, who goes down

Sat., 3/2
#3 Peel Godred vs. #16 Brendam Utd.
#11 Castle Rolf vs. #2 Knapford Town
#7 Wellsworth vs. #6 E.C.D.
#19 Tidmouth City vs. #14 Brendam Harbor
#18 Ulfstead vs. #17 Ffarquhar

Saturday Feature Match: A drop zone battle royal!

Wellsworth – E.C.D. has the best chance today to be a truly quality match. But the title race is really down to five teams now, and these two are on the outside looking in. So, today’s most important match is about Premier League survival.

Image result for Norramby crest Hello from Ulfstead! Here, just a month ago the local team’s Relegation fate appeared sealed. But three wins against just one loss in February has them just out of safety, a point behind their closest geographic rivals today.

All season, their issue has been consistency, They can score and defend well enough, but rarely managed both in the same match all winter. Other than giving up a whopping 14 goals in their road loss to Marron, they’ve played better all-around ball of late.

A note about Ulfstead F.C. “Earls” – Ulfstead is the town name here in west-central Sodor. It is the home of the Isle’s Earls (the royal family), the Norramby’s. But Norramby the town is on the east central coast. They have their own team in the second-tier Championship (and are doing quite well!.

Image result for FFFC football crest The road team today only had to travel a handful of miles east. It will be a shame if Ffarquhar doesn’t survive the Isle’s first-ever Premier season. It’s one of the larger towns on the isle, but only has the one FA club. It’s also the one town people outside the country can name, if any — being the home of Thomas of the fictional children’s tv show.

But this team’s season has followed it’s FA Cup performance from the summer. They play everyone close, but play up and down to the level of their competition. And they far from always finish off matches strong. Still, a 2-1-1 February mark shows they’re learning and has kept them above the Cutline.

Fun Fact: Ffarquhar are known as “the Anophas”, though the S is dropped as often as not. The nearby Ffarquhar Quarry was known as Anopha Quarry, and so that name has been adopted by the club. This, despite not a bloody soul in the town having the slightest clue what “Anopha” referred to or meant originally.

Match Prediction: Noob thinks the battle to stay afloat in the Premier will go right down to the end of the season. The teams will play true their forms of late and have a match of quality play. 4-4 or 5-5.

Isle of Sodor – matchday 27 (Sun., 2/24) – Feature Game: #2 Knapford Town’s tough road test

Sunday, 2/24
#20 Arlesburgh Utd. vs. #4 Peel Godred
#6 E.C.D. vs. #2 Knapford Town
T11 Vicarstown vs. #18 Ulfstead
#7 Wellsworth vs. #17 Ffarquhar
#1 Dryaw vs. #9 Glennock

Sunday Feature Match: #6 E.C.D. hosts #2 Knapford Town

Image result for Sodor map Vicarstown Knapford Knapford Town weren’t expected to necessarily vie for the title here this first Premier season, but were certainly seen as a club likely to be in the table’s top half. But no one saw the team everyone would be chasing was tiny Dryaw FC! East Coast Diesel have slightly exceeded expectations by being firmly in the table’s to half. Competing for players with intracity rivals Vicarstown FC could always potentially make E.C.D.‘s life a little tougher.

Knapford Town— How will they bounce back from last week’s 9-8 loss to Junction & Sheds? Since Dryaw only managed a draw last week, a prime opportunity to all but catch up to the table’s #1 was missed. KTFC is a side that feasts on lesser competition, but seems to lose close a lot against better teams. Here in February, they’re 2-0-1.

E.C.D. — This month has been a real test for Diesel, facing clubs all in the top half of the table. 1-1-1 wasn’t bad over this stretch. But like KTFC, this club missed their chance against Dryaw earlier in the month. Advancing to the Semis in the summer’s FA Cup was quite the feat, but they’ll need a remarkable run and some help to get that close to the League title.

Match Prediction: E.C.D.’s offense suddenly disappeared last week, as they only managed a single goal in drawing at Glennock. Still, that score looks like an outlier. Knapford Town ought to be spent some after their tough loss last week. But with only #1 Dryaw ahead of them, their title aspirations should motivate them plenty.

Noob calls it: 4-4 KTFC will have to hope Glennock, can play Dryaw as tightly as they did against E.C.D. last week.

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Pshaw. You can’t even spell “prognosticate” without Noobstradamus’ help, Noob.

Or wait. Maybe you just did. I….didn’t think this through…

Isle of Sodor Premier – matchday 27 (Sat., 2/23) Feature Game: A new Derby!

Saturday, 2/23
T15 Brendam Utd. vs. #14 Brendam Harbor
#13 Marron vs. #3 Kirk Ronan
#19 Tidmouth City vs. #5 Crovan’s Gate
T11 Castle Rolf vs. #10 Suddery
T8 Junction & Sheds vs. #15 Lakeside

Saturday Feature Match: The Brendam Derby

Image result for derby hat funny Get out your best derby hats!

These are historically two of the best teams in the country. One might’ve hoped that at least one of the two would make a move up the table in the season’s second half. Instead, Harbor and United are mired in 14th and 15th place. Still, it’s the first ever Premier League Brendam Derby!

And since this isn’t England, they even pronounce “derby” right. FA President Abban Clague: “We couldn’t think of any other words right off where an ‘e’ was pronounced with an ‘ahhh’ sound. We’re not doing it. Silly English tw**s.”

Image result for BHFC crest Brendam Harbor surprised no one in winning the inaugural Isle of Sodor FA Cup last summer. Yet they’re perhaps the least-liked team on the Isle, as their success generally comes via hard-nosed, aggressive defense. Such is considered uncouth at best on Sodor. Here in the first PL season, they’re giving up goals like most other clubs, but not scoring more themselves.

Some observers have told Noob they’re having an identity crisis. They’re trying to play “nicer” and not continue to be painted as the “bad boys” of Sudric football as the League hopefully gains international exposure here starting out.

Brendam United, meanwhile, didn’t make it out of the Group Stage in the summer’s Cup. They’re problem has been simple – they can’t score. And if you can’t score on Sodor, you’re losing a lot. Because almost everyone else is.

Neither team as earned a win in February. Still, neither is in much seeming danger of being Relegated. That said, if 18th-place Ulfstead can make a run, the Brendams would be two of five additional teams in the mix to get sent down to the Championship.

Match Prediction: Cool, dry weather should make for pitch today that invites both sides to play with some real pace. United are the designated home team, but since they share a pitch, no advantage there. The Harbormen have show some occasional flashes of their big offense potential.

Noob calls it: Brendam Harbor 5-7

Image result for Noobstradamus

Oh, so now that the site’s format is IoS PL and some lampooned new stories, you think you can just predict matches without me?

Noobstradamus will see you rue the day. You’ll be a … day-ruer? OK, that was weak.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – Featured game for matchday 26 – A “Clasico” of their own

“El Clasico” is known to every football fan in the world. Here on Sodor, Image result for Sodor map there are big rivalries as well, and they tend to be intracity. Welcome to Knapford, where things will get nasty on Sunday (2/15). (Well, as nasty as things get on Isle. Might see a slide tackle or two attempted! Remember: hard defense is considered here to be more than uncouth.)

For this year, they’ve settled on calling this the Yards-Sheds Classic. Junction & Sheds have never been known as anything but. Knapford Town changed from Knapford Yards FC when the FA came into being a year ago, wanting to differentiate themselves from the more purely blue-collar branding of J&S.

Knapford Town have had the better of things in league this season, just moved into 2nd place, five behind surprising league leaders Dryaw FC. Junction & Sheds are in a tie for 8th. Getting more than a couple positions higher will be hard for them, as the top few have some space in the table between them and the pack now.

How do the teams play? Their League campaigns have pretty much reflected their FA Cup runs from this summer.

Image result for KTFC crest During the inaugural FA Cup of summer 2018, Knapford Town tended to win but lose close. They made the Round of 16 before falling in the penalty shootout to E.C.D. (East Coast Diesel) of Vicarstown.

Junction & Sheds (#1 supporter Alexi Lalas) advanced just as far. They suffered the same fate in losing to eventual champion Brendam Harbor, going down at the shootout. They scored tied for second in Group Stage scoring at 17 goals over the three matches, with just tiny shocker Cabalnoo getting more (18).

Image result for Junction FC crest Win lose or draw, J&S work hard to score and that’s about it. (They conceded 14 in that Group Stage. No team plays the classic Sudric 5-5-good luck back there! formation quite as religiously as Sheds.

Their first meeting this year ended in a 5-5 draw. Rumor has it that J&S will pull the goalie at select times and play a 6-5-void formation. When it comes to offensive-mindedness, good luck outdoing the Sudrics generally. KTFC can keep up with a lot of teams in a game like that, but probably not against J&S and they know it. They’ll look to play things comparatively closer to the vest most of the match, then try running wild if it’s tied or close late.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – Matchday 24 – Feature: #1 Dryaw FC vs #2 Peel Godred

The New England Cheatriots won Superb Owl LIII 13-3 Sunday. Boring. Image result for cheatriots

Isle of Sodor Premier League had it’s own #1-2 matchup Sunday, with host Dryaw FC routing Peel Godred by that same score. No snoozefest on this pitch! The “Reverends” of Dryaw take a far more decisive lead of five points in the table now.

[Check back for a new post Wed. or Thurs. for updated table and all the weekend’s results!]

A dampish pitch did nothing to slow offense today. Little does on Sodor, of course, as hard defense is considered uncouth and things like slide tackles practically forbidden as an unwritten rule. Striker Bill Butzkopfski Image result for fat soccer player in red (left) found the back of the net early and often, tallying five scores before being subbed out in the 70′. Al Britt assisted on a pair of those and two other scores from his midfield position.

For Peel, Glen Onchan nabbed a goal and an assist from the right wing. Goalkeeper Ray Harmer had a much tougher day, coming off his line too early and too often, committing two own-goals.

A MOMENT OF SILENCE

— was held just before kickoff in all matches on Sodor.

The English Premier match between Everton and Wolves the day before featured a black cat running around the pitch – uncatchable, free (courtesy of S.I.) – in the second half.

A chapter of brief but terrible Sudric history ended just 20 years ago. Everyone was reminded of the horrible experiments run in a dark corner of the Isle: Live cats forced to play indoor soccer with AI robot soccer cats. Not sound so terrible as to warrant moment of silence? Here’s the excruciating footage. Viewer advisory.