Category: Commentary

MLS expansion city finalists named

Amuricuh, MLS has a Christmas gift for you!   Two teams will be added to the league shortly after the holiday season.   This will bring the number to 24.

Cincinnati, Sacramento, Nashville, and Detroit are your finalists.  HR heads for each organization will fight to the death in a live televised cage match on Christmas Day on ESPN 8, “The Ocho”.

Image result for The Ocho

Cincinnati and Sacramento are the two cities that have division two clubs now.  Cinci got mad headlines all year long for their insane attendance figures and their deep run in the 2017 MLS Cup.  Sacramento’s been a strong candidate for years.  Noob’s instincts say that proven market/fan support will win the day, that these two will get the bids.

There are plenty of financial and stadium-related reasons others’ predictions will run counter to Noob’s out there.   Why do I feel it will be these two?  Because given those established fan bases, this will make the biggest splash at the end-of-year announcement of the winners.   You see, MLS is actually opening four slots, with decisions on the other two to come later (with other cities’ bids in play).

Ultimately, of course it will be all about the benjamins, risk mitigation.  After all, as the saying goes, “How do you get to be a millionaire in American sports?  Start with 10 million and then invest in a soccer team.  You’ll have 1 million in no time.”

222 million Euros for Neymar. Or…

The Noob knows 222 million euros is the highest ever transfer fee for a soccer player. I have no idea otherwise how that compares to other transfer fees, or whether or not it’s thought Paris Saint Germain got a good deal or the greasy end of the stick.

  1. I also know that I’m not the first to post what other sorts of things one could get for that mountain of money. But I’m doing it the Noob way!

222 Million Euros buys you..

2,103,467 Paris St. Germain official home jerseys, complete with his (or your or any) name and the official Ligue 1 badge.

Image result for neymar home PSG jersey

4,483,590,462 hexagonal, color variety golf pencils (gpencil.com). Free shipping on more than 100 units! Since the indicate a knit is one gross, we’re covered.

Image result for mini golf rage

403,636 kilograms of Kopi Luwak coffee, the most expensive in the world. And not the farmed stuff, where the caged monkeys are forcefed the coffee cherries and then crap them out before they are used for human consumption. We’re talking about the Rolls Royce of African monkey poop coffee, made from the stuff collected in the wild.

Image result for kopi luwak

52,472,727 cups of monkey poop coffee, at ~130 cups per kilogram, something of an industry standard.

Image result for spitting coffee    Jake thinks Jimmy will love this coffee

Nearly 6x the amount Johnny Depp recently paid in tax penalties, believes he was defrauded of in extra fees by his finance handlers, and the money of his he claims they loaned out without his approval.

Image result for johnny depp tonto imagesWhite Johnny must pay taxes.

The transfer fee is only about 1/70 of what Qatar paid together in both legitimate and alleged illegitimate costs and dealings to land the 2022 World Cup.

22,263,450x the start-up cost for soccernoob.com.