Tag: Al Ahly

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday (11/2) – USL playoffs, LigaMX, then we’re off to see the world

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

On Friday’s, schedules run a little lighter.  Noob takes the opportunity to hit up the best local games, and then it’s off to soccer hinterlands less-known!

Come, jet-set with Noob.  The bags of peanuts in-flight are HYOOJ.

  1. Louisville FC vs. New York Red Bulls II – United Soccer League playoffs

Time for the Eastern Conference Final!  Defending champions Louisville host the Red Bull reserve teams.  They finished the regular season #2 and #5, respectively.

Louisville’s been clicking on both sides of both for weeks so, to the tune of nine straight wins.  The defense has been quite good, the offense – phenomenal.

NRYB Jr. have won five straight.    They’ve been comparable on defense, if not quite as dominant on offense.

It’s an interesting twist.   Through most of the regular season, they were both scoring like gangbusters, but with NYRB doing so very much at the expense of defense.  Now Red Bulls have switched their habits around.

No matter which style NY2 play, LFC are the clear fave.  Winner gets either Orange County or Phoenix for the title.   (7:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:    L’ville  5-1       Devon Williams with two goals in two minutes

Image result for letter B tiger

 

 

 

Looks like we know which club Number B is rooting for.  Awwwww!

B.  Morelia vs. UANL Tigres – Liga MX

Three matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season).  And since each of the two half-seasons are only 17 matches long, it means things in the table are tight.  Top eight make the Liguilla (postseason tournament).

Morelia’s in 7th, but their numbers don’t make them look like a Playoff team.  The offense is borderline, but the defense is bottom quartile-caliber.  Still, they’re trending the right way.  After not winning a match for more than a month straight, they’re now winners of three in a row.  Those three were against bottom-half teams, but it’s still something.

Tigres are #8.  Two teams trail them by just a point.   They’ve not won in their last four, the defense having completely fallen apart (11 goals allowed).

9th-place Pachuca is going to pass at least one of these two.  So if one of these two loses today, Noob considers it an elimination match of sorts.   (9:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

  1. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lille – France Ligue 1

Hard to believe PSG is looking like they might get eliminated from the current Champions League at the group stage.   They’re not having any trouble in their domestic league.   11-0-0, eight points up on #B Lille in the table already.

Lille sport an above average offense and defense.    No reason to think they’ll have any trouble finishing in the top three and qualify for the 2019-20 Champions League.  They just won’t look like it today.   PSG 3-1 today.

RESULT:   PSG   2-1     Mbappe with a goal and an assist

  1. Al Ahly vs. Esperance – CAF Champions League

The Final!    Two matches, home and away, for the club title in Africa.

Al Ahly are the #1 team in all Africa.  It doesn’t even seem to be particularly close.   Noob’s Elo ratings-source footballdatabase.com indicated it.  So does my newer one for Elo-ish numbers – soccerverse.com.  (The former has been down for long enough recently that I’m worried it’s gone for good.)

They’re well down the table in their domestic league so far this year, but that’s mostly by virtue of having played far fewer matches than most teams there.  The international play leads to a lot of postponements for them.   Extrapolate their basic stats out and they’re easily performing like a top-four club.

They host what may well be the #2 club on the continent.  This looks like an awful matchup for the Tunisians.  They’re struggling on defense in their league, and Ahly is just relentless on offense.   Ahly by two on their own pitch today.

RESULT:   Ahly   3-1           Walid Soliman scored twice on penalties in a match that also featured a third penalty score

Image result for math is dumb

 

Mathing.

 

I know, right?

  1. El Entag El Harby vs. Smouha – Egyptian Premier

You know, as long as we’re here!

Top two finishers qualify for the next Champions League.  Right now, these two are #B and #3, respectively.  ENEH have played a game or two more than the teams around them in the table.  They’re not going to stay this high in all likelihood.   They don’t score enough, plain and simple.

Smouha, however, look to have the firepower to at least flirt with a top-two finish.  They will be hard-pressed to catch #1 El Zamalek (best O and D in the country) or hold of Al Ahly.  But so far, Smouha looks very balanced and sound.

RESULT:   2-2        Smouha blows an 0-2 halftime lead

  1. URA vs. Nyamityobora – Uganda Premier

Uganda’s top flite Is a league on the move.  They just cracked the CAF rankings for the first time recently, appearing at #18.   They’d have to move up a few more notches to qualify two teams to Champions League, but it’s a start.

It’s too early to perhaps say much, fewer than a half dozen matches into the season.  but #5 URA appear to be a Small Ball team – pack it in on defense, don’t try to even score much themselves.

Noob believes The Nyamity-ville Horror-obora just got Promoted to top tier this year.  Judging by their utter lack of defense, they’ll be headed right back down.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for that was horrible gifWhat, the play on words there?

Quiet, Adam Scott!   Don’t you have a “Krampus” sequel to go shoot?

  1. 1 de Agosto vs. Hulia – Angola Girabola

Congrats to Angola’s domestic top league!   Big jump coming in the 2019-20 rankings – #17 all the way to #9.

1dA didn’t need the league to have an extra berth into Champions League last season like it will get soon.  They only lost one match all last season.   How?  By only giving up eight goals in 28 matches.   Stifling.

Hulia finished 6th, as perfectly average as they could be, statistically.

RESULT:         is now slated for Sun., 11/4

That African stint can be so draining.  Let’s take a break for the third-ever installment of —

Noob’s Sandwich Reviewoobs!

@MLS on Twitter asked the important, obvious question.  Essentially, is a hot dog, in fact, a sandwich?

Among most noble apes, a sandwich is defined as any meat or other filling between two SLICES of bread.  Buns are NOT slices, or Noob’s name is John Montagu.

To be fair, one can find definitions and contexts where any pieces of bread – sliced or otherwise – are called “sandwich”.  I’m not here to argue against that.

Because it’s already been establish in Amuricuhn court of LAW.

In 2006, A Worcester, MS judge ruled against Panera in a heated case regarding a non-compete clause in a mall food court.  The judge allowed the mall could rent to Qdoba, that tacos and burritos were NOT sandwiches.  His or Her Honor formally told Panera, “Sit on it, Potsy” in the ruling and summary.

What’s fun is that most of that is true.

So — is a hot dog a sandwich?  No.  Heretical.  Illegal!

@MLS, thanks for the picture of the cute kid.  But Noob rates your sandwich question  at a mere two and a half out of five sandwiches on the Noob Sandwich Reviewoob sandwich rating scale.

  1. Ballymena United vs. Glenavon – Northern Ireland Football League Premiership

Next, we jet-set to Europe.  This is one of Europe’s very weakest domestic leagues.  In fact, it’s only semi-professional.  But hey — they’re playing!

They get just the one berth into Champions League.  Glenavon are #1 now, but they only lead Linfield by a point.  They lead the league in scoring, and trail just Linfield in defensive prowess (albeit by a lot).

#3 Ballymena are nicely balanced, but are ten points behind their league-leading hosts.  At least they’re in a position to perhaps get one of the league’s two automatic invites to Europa League.

RESULT:   Bally   2-1

Image result for flying first class funny

 

 

Mr. Bean always flies first class for NIFL Premiership.

  1. Kukesi vs. Flamutari – Albania Superliga

Our second and final stop on our European league takes us to the #34 league in UEFA.  Below average, but a damn sight higher than Northern Ireland.  Wheeeeeeee!

These are the #3 and #5 clubs there currently.  Kukesi are only four points in back of league leaders Skenderbau Korce, but that team’s been the power there for forever.  Even recently getting a 10-year ban from FIFA over match-fixing hasn’t seemingly slowed that bunch much.

If recent history holds, Kukesi won’t catch the Banned Ones or #B Tirana.  Flamutari are far less likely.   When the defense gets down to league average, those clubs won’t be able to stop the perennial title contenders.

RESULT:   Flamutari   1-2

  1. Melbourne City vs. Sydney FC – Australia A-League

The league season is just getting (Down) underway in OZ.  Yet already a big trophy has been awarded.   League defending champs Sydney FC just lost in the FFA Cup final to Adelaide.

Melbourne City finished #3 last year, a nice push for a team that’s historically only average there.  They were either lucky or tough or both, too, as they didn’t score a lot compared to their peers.

RESULT:   Sydney   0-3     Paulo Retre with a goal an an assist

Image result for Melbourne australia funny

 

 

So long from Melbourne!  

Apparently so violent, their club may soon get a Copa Libertadores invitation.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – “It’s finished. It’s done! — Frodo Baggins

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

For the three Midweek days, Noob teases things out from one to three days.  When you have this many Champions League matches from around the world, they needs be spaced out.  Safety first, Noobites.

(Also, Tuesday and Wednesday matches and some resultd are now at bottom.)

Thursday

  1. Trinidad and Tobago vs. Panama – CONCACAF women’s World Cup qualification

This tournament is the women’s CONCACAF Championship, but as it has for many moons, it is also the qualifying event for World Cup.

The Central American and Caribbean teams have finished their opening round of play.  The top finishers from there now join the big North American teams in a Group Stage, hosted in the U.S.  Two Groups of four, top two from each make the Knockout Stage.  Out of that, the top three will go to 2019 World Cup.

These two teams join America and Mexico.  No one from here is beating the US, so it’s about trying to get to #B in the table.  If either of these two wants a shot at what should be Mexico’s slot, it must start with a win today.  That will probably be T&T.  They outscored their opponents 26-1 last stage.

Noob would guess they’re a heavy favorite against Panama, with an 11-5 GD and only finished #B in their pod last round.

  1. Qarabag vs. Arsenal – Europa League

Group Stage, pods of four, top two move on to the Knockout Stage.  That’s where we are in Europe’s secondary international club tournament.

There are two English teams in action today.  Arsenal’s match gets the Track-nod since they’re playing a stronger team and having to go on the road.  Not that today should be much of a for the Brits.

Qarabag’s been having to play qualifications matches to get to this Round, while Arsenal enter the competition only now.   The Azerbaijanis should easily be considered a two-goal underdog on their own pitch.

RESULT:   Arsenal   0-3

  1. Managua vs. Real Esteli – Nicaragua Premier

At least when Noob scouted this match a few days ago, it was #1 vs. #B.   I’m pressed for time over my real job to go to, so can’t even confirm that those table positions are still accurate.   But Noob does recall that the league was starting to turn into a three-horse race, so neither should be any worse than 3rd.

This isn’t one of even Central America’s stronger leagues.  But we’re CONCACAFfeinating ourselves this year, getting to know our federation neighbors.  Noob may add a little extra info here early evening.

Wednesday

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Barcelona – UEFA Champions League

Scroll down to Tuesday’s mini-previews for some general tournament details.

Then scroll back up and witness Noob’s ire!   Hotspur are named for the historical, traitorous villain Harry Percy.  King and countrymen both, no one could trust him.   Yet he gets a football club named for him.   Maybe MLS will get Benedict Arnold FC as an expansion club someday.   Noob won’t root for them, either!

Team Bile and Vitriol are only about an even match for reigning La Liga champs at home. They’re going to be in bad shape if they can’t get a result of some kind, as they lost 2-0 to Inter Milan in their Group Stage match.  Barca walloped Dutch PSV Eindhoven 4-0 to open their Round.

Napoli hosting Liverpool is just as intriguing, but Noob’s gotta feed his raaaage.   (3:00 PM EST, TNT)

RESULT:   Barca   2-4

Image result for angry fat controller

 

 

 

Hotspur’s making us all Very.  Cross.

  1. Palmeiras vs. Colo Colo – Copa Libertadores

Quarterfinal match in South America’s version of Champions League.   This is the second leg of their home-and-away.

Things are looking grim for the #16 seed, Chilean Colo Colo.   They’re all the way down in 6th in their league, losers of five straight matches over all competitions.  They lost 0-2 to Brazilian behemoths Palmeiras.  They’ve not lost in five straight, have taken over #1 in the continent’s best league.

The winner will get Brazilian Cruziero, or underdog (and up 2-0!) Argentinian Boca Juniors.   (8:45 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Palmeiras   2-0

  1. Kashima Antlers vs. Suwon Bluewings – AFC Champions League

So much CL, you’re going to have to inject it between your toes!

Asia’s version is into its Semifinal, and this is the first Kashima is your 2017 league runner-up from Japan, while Suwon finished 3rd in South Korea.  South Korea’s is the more highly-ranked league in the AFC, but Kashima would still be the favorite, even on a neutral pitch.

The winner will get either Persepolis out if Iran or Qatari club Al-Sadd.

RESULT:   Kashima   3-2       Suwon led 0-2 early

Image result for high on heroin funny

 

 

Replace “heroin” with “soccer”.   

You’re nodding.  I’m nodding.

  1. FCI Levadia vs. Nomme JK Kalju – Estonia Meistriliiga

#B against #1.  Double I’s in the league name.   Meistrliiga, you always bring the sweet relief.

Mr. Rogers once asked kids to do nothing for one minute, just watch the clock on the tv and see how long a minute was, what it felt like.   This is like that for Noob.   Let the high drama of hating Hotspur and all the Champions Leagues action come down a notch.

That’s a good stopping point for today.  Quality, if smaller domestic league match.  Noobites, see you tomorrow when we round out the Ten.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Manchester United vs. Valencia – UEFA Champions League

A reminder of where we are:

The “competition proper” is begun.  We’re seeing the Group Stage now.  Some teams qualified to enter only now, while others had to advance through tournament qualifying round/s.

There are eight groups of four clubs each.  Each club will play a double round robin, home and away matches with each other on in their pod.  Top two finishers move on to the bracketed Knockout Stage.  Third place clubs will get dropped down into a late round of the Europa League.  Last-place sad sacks have to rent halls and serve at table during fine catered dinners for the other three.

(All of that may not be true.  But if Noob ran UEFA…)

All the matches are “important” in this event, and there are eight today.  It’s the top club tournament in the world.  We’ll lean towards our cousins from England in coverage.  Hoffenheim from Germany and Manchester City are a dandy matchup today.  But this is the more interesting one for a particular reason.

Group H looks like a wicked-hard one.  Euros might even be calling it a “Group of Death”.  That seems unnecessarily dark, but ok.  They’ve played just one match each so far.  Man Utd blasted a Swiss club while Spain’s Valencia went down against the defending Italian league champs.

Based on their Elo ratings (Noob hearts footballdatabase.com), Man Utd should easily be a goal favorite at home.   But what makes this match intriguing is the drama going on with the Red Devils.  One of their stars – the Frenchman Pogba – and their manager – Mourinho – are at terrible odds.  The locker room is divided and the club is playing just .500 ball and sitting midtable in the Premier League.

Man Utd does.  Not.   Do.   Midtable.  They vie for titles.  They spend the money.  They finished #B in the EPL last season.  Pogba’s going to get a new team or the manager is going to be out soon.

Noob doesn’t even know what they’re fighting about.  My interest doesn’t run quite that deep.   It’s more fun to imagine the team ordered some sammiches in for a meeting and someone got someone else’s sammich but wouldn’t give it up.  Anyway, it’s perhaps THE story in English football, so our caring-needle is moved.   (3:00 PM EST, TNT)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for pogba vs mourinho funny“You go over there and eat the turkey on rye you ordered!

I’m staying here with my corned beef.  You work for me!”

B.  Monterrey vs. Zapatec – Copa MX

A reminder of where we are:

Mexico’s leagues have two half-seasons annually – Apertura and Clausura.  We’re in the Apertura.  Concurrent with league play, they also run a Cup tournament during each half-season.  Only teams from the top two leagues compete.

The Group Stage is done.  We’re now seeing the Round of 16 in the bracketed Knockout Stage.  One-off matches, no home-and-away.

Part of the fun of Cups is watching for Minnows – underdogs, teams from leagues other than top-flite – to make deep runs.  Ascenso MX (D2) Juarez has already advanced to the Quarterfinals.  Tonight, we get to see if peers of their will join them.

Zacatepec are in 10th in the Ascenso.  That’s not even high enough to qualify for that league’s Ligilla (postseason)!   Yet here they are, facing mighty Liga MX’s Monterrey.   The only good news for Zaca is that Monterrey has been scuffling a tiny bit of late.  They’re just 1-1-2 in their last four matches.

But they’ve allowed no goals in their last two.  So it’s probably Monterrey by a couple on their own pitch today.   (8:00 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Monterrey   4-2

Image result for Letter B fish

 

 

Number B makes friends with a Tanzanian blobfish.  

Not into Minnows, eh?

  1. Al Ahly vs. ES Setif – CAF Champions League

They’ve reached the Semifinals in Africa!  Here, they play home-and-away series to see who advances.  The #1 team on the continent hosts the first leg today.   Any and everyone would and should favor them by a couple goals.

Why?

ES Setif are the defending Algerian champs.  It’s a strong league there, ranked 4th.  But Egypt’s is #1.  Setif had to enter the tournament earlier than Ahly, may be more tired.  Setif only finished 2nd in their Group to advance.  Ahly won theirs.

But ES Setif just knocked out the defending CAF CL champs last round.   Here we go.

RESULT:   Al Ahly   2-0

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/22) – NWSL championship leads the way!

So what IS Noob?  I am Noob.  This site is Noob.   Most importantly, Noob is of two main facets:

Bringing Noobites the ten most important matches to follow, from the perspective the (well, a) newish American fan of the global game.

Noob also fancies himself to be the Sunday comics section to the rest of the more mainstream, serious soccer sites out there.  Even if it’s closer to just old Farside than any other strips.

Now, feast on a kick-ass slate of matches today!

  1. Portland Thorns vs. North Carolina Courage – National Women’s Soccer League

American women’s soccer fans, the Final you deserve is here.   Regular season #B hosts #1!   Some places might have NC listed first as the top seed, but they’re playing it in Portland because of Florence.

Portland’s Lindsey Horen was just announced as league’s Player of the Year, having finished 3rd in scoring.  NC’s Lynn Williams was runner-up in that category.  Both also sport top-notch attacking passers.

Noob thinks the difference-maker for Portland will have to be secondary scorer Christine Sinclair.  Two goals with one being by her and the Thorns will hoist the trophy.   Otherwise, the one-loss superpower Courage win.   (4:30 PM EST, Lifetime)

RESULT:   Courage   0-3       Hail to the victors!    Jessica McDonald with a pair of scores.

B.  Atlanta United vs. Real Salt Lake – Major League Soccer

League-leaders in putting points on the board, Atlanta look to extend their four-point lead in the Eastern Conference.  Meanwhile, RSL lead the Noob in riling me UP.

Original owner Dave Ricketts decided when the club was formed to tie into a club that doesn’t suck (Real Madrid).  Never mind that Madrid get to be royal because of a king’s patronage.  Rickett’s is a JetBlue board member, which is anything but monarchal in the corporate world.

Oh yeah, and they’re 5th in the West.  It’s a good matchup.  But RSL needs to lose for Noob’s belief in an omni-benevolent god in the universe to be confirmed.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   ATL   2-0

Image result for Letter B holy

 

 

 

Number B – straightening Noob out on the whole omni-benevolent God-matter.

  1. Montreal Impact vs. NYCFC – Major League Soccer

Noob’s been writing of late that Montreal have been recently and surprisingly frisky.   Turns out, they made their big move in June and early July.   We live, we learn, Noobites.  They’re in 6th, and top eight will make the Playoffs.

NYCFC are somehow still in 3rd, despite not having won a match in five weeks.  They’re in no danger of dropping out of the playoffs this late in the regular season.  But it’s looking like they need some kind of shock to the system to get them moving back up toward a top-two seed.   That wold mean multiple postseason home matches.  (7:30 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Manchester United vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – English Premier League

No two teams from the table’s top are battling today in the PL, but we do get a match with two teams in strange positions.

Man Utd. have won three in a row, though that only pulls them up into 8th place.  And those victories were over two bad league teams and an overmatched Swiss side in the Champions League.

Wolverhampton have also had three wins a row, also over weaker competition (two poor PL sides and a second-division team in the EFL Cup).  They didn’t allow a goal to any of them, either.

All considered, it’s about impossible to not consider the evergreen powerhouse that is Man U the favorites.  Wolverhampton have seen some early success after having been Promoted, but they have to score more than a single goal per match to keep it up.

RESULT:   1-1     Or maybe one per game can keep you afloat!   On a side note, Man Utd’s goal was scored by “Fred”.   Yup.  Just Fred.

Image result for wolverhampton wanderers funny

 

 

Feel about it how you will, Wolvers, Noob calls it as seen.

  1. Toluca vs. Necaxa – Liga MX

Another league dear to our hearts that isn’t featuring a 1-B matchup or anything close.  But we have what I have called a “Hiccup Watch”.

Toluca is 5th here in the Apertura (first half-season).  Top eight make the Playoffs.  By table position, Necaxa should be toast on the road.

Thing is, they haven’t lost to Toluca in many consecutive matches.  Noob’s not convinced Toluca an avoid having a Hiccup tonight.  Momentum, inertia – powerful forces.  (6:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Toluca   3-2

  1. Schalke 04 vs. Bayern Munich – Germany Bundesliga

Last year’s #B and #1 face off!  The exclamation point could be overkill in a way, though.

Schalke have lost all three of its matches to start the new league year.  More, none of those opponents were teams that finished anywhere near the top in 2017-18.  Noob’s not ready to call their 1-1 Champions League home draw against Portugal’s FC Porto a sign that everything is turned around now.

Bayern are 3-0-0, doing Bayern-y things to all.  (12:30 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   Bayern   0-2

Image result for Bayern Munich things

 

Ummmm…

Isn’t anything we do Bayern-y by definition? 

Can we do otherwise?

  1. Al Ahly vs. Horoya AC – CAF Champions League

Not long ago, Noob Tracked the first match of this two-legged Quarterfinal.   Africa’s greatest team went to Guinean Horoya and only got a 0-0 draw.  By ELO ratings, this is a team the Egyptians should utterly wreck, no matter whose pitch their playing on.

Still, now they get to take care of business at home.  Perhaps they won’t assume Horoya will just lay down for them this leg.

RESULT:   Al -Ahly    4-0    

  1. Pittsburgh Riverhounds vs. Indy Eleven – United Soccer League

Noob tends to shy away a little from second division leagues on weekends, even Amuricuh’s.   Just sooo much D1 football here and the world over.

But “an opening” was created when one of the teams in a Nadeshiko 1 match I’d pre-listed dropped too far in the standings to meet Noob’s exacting criteria.  Match 8 was going to be three-time defending champion NTV Beleza hosting Noob-fave Urawa Red Diamond Ladies.  Alas, Urawa has slipped to midtable.

RESULT:   Pitt   3-2

Image result for The Situation abs

 

I got the word, Noob!

Urawa’s #1 U.S. supporter and unofficial spokesman mascot is back once again.

<—  Where the sushi goes.

 

 

Sorry, The Situation.  I know you were excited.  Don’t worry, you’ll still get your appearance fee.

Image result for The Situation angry

 

 

I’d better!   I’m still waiting for them all from last season.

 

Check, er, checks are in the mail, The Situation.

Aaaaanyway, Pitt and Indy are 3rd and 5th-place in the USL Eastern Conference.  Top eight make the Playoffs.  Top four get home-pitch advantage to start out.

Riverhounds are the class of the entire league, defensively.  Thankfully, not just by taking the air out of the ball, they score more than a little.  Indy are more balanced, but seem like they’ve peaked in what they can achieve.  Their D is just mediocre.

  1. Coleraine vs. Linfield – Northern Ireland Football League Premier

It’s merely semi-pro ball, one of Europe’s lower-ranked leagues.  But Western Europe is always on Noob’s radar.  These are two perennial powers, #1 and #3 in the early season-table.  They’re also the only two who haven’t yet lost.

RESULT:   0-0     That’s one boring way to make sure you each stay undefeated.

# Honorable Mention:    At odds with Noob’s desire to keep things mostly D1 on weekends is my utter inability to stay away from shiny 1-B matchups.  So before we wrap up, Noob sends the hippest of shouts out (shout outs?) to Ross County and Inverness of Scotland’s second-tier Championship League, #B and #1 there.  Go fight win!

  1. Hiroshima vs. FC Tokyo – Japan J1 League

Hiroshima looked ready to run away with the league title not too far back.   And while they haven’t played poorly the last month, they’ve scuffled just enough to give hope to more traditionally great Kawasaki.  They’re better on both sides of the ball than #3 FCT.

But a loss – hardly unthinkable – and that Kawasaki group could pull to within a point of the league lead.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for hiroshima fun

 

So long from Hiroshima!   

Try to visit when you can catch the Flower Festival.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – exploring our football world

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  This is Noob’s reason for being.  Learning and sharing are fuhn!

Fridays, scheds tend to run a little lighter.  So Noob takes us on a planet-crossing trek of footyball wonder!   As always, we’ll start closer to home, then jet-set off to soccer hinterlands unknown.

(And yes, tenured Noobites – the “Jetsetting Friday” moniker has been scrapped after two weeks.  We’re back to Trotting the Globe, baybeeee.)

  1. Pachuca vs. Toluca – Liga MX Femenil

Listing the ladies first isn’t about political correctness.  Noob has little room for such the quest for learning and sharing.  This is about two teams tied for first!  In their Group, anyway.  Mexico’s top league is divided into two for the entire season.

In truth, there’s a chance this ends in a blowout.  Toluca score over twice as much as their hosts today, and play just as well on defense.  This could well be Pachuca’s one chance to keep true Group title hopes alive.

Top two from each group make the playoffs, but there are four good to great teams in this Group 1.  A home loss would sting more than a little for Pachuca.

RESULT:   Toluca   1-2

B.  Veracruz vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Copy and pasted from yesterday, when Noob thought this match was being played.  Turns out there was a meaningless Copa MX match yesterday instead.   (One team was already advancing as from the Group stage as a runner-up, the other already eliminated.)

With the International Break over, Liga MX returns with a lone match tonight.

It’s not the smexiest of matchups, truth be told.  Veracruz is near the league bottom, sporting easily the league’s worst defense.

Toluca, at least, could be liguilla (playoffs)-bound.  They’re tied for 7th, and eight teams will qualify.  Defense hasn’t been a virtue across the table this Apertura (half-season) for the most part.   If they or any team can shore theirs up even a little, that will be the difference-maker.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-3       It’s double-dipping into the guac bowl of victory for Toluca today!

Veracruz came back to tie it from down 0-2 before losing someone to a red card late.  Whoops.

Image result for letter B sexy

 

 

 

Number B, a sexy part of the all-caps font created by Irina Baktova

  1. Birmingham City vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Football Championship

Time to check in on one the Premier League teams that was banished to second division!  Last we saw our heroes, WBA were dead last in the PL.   They weren’t the worst on offense or defense, or even overall GD.   Perhaps they lacked some grittiness, guttiness that could’ve kept them above the line.

These days, they’re 9th in the ECL table.  Best offense down there, but still struggling on D.  But Birmingham are solid chance for a road win.  They’re winless, in 20th place (of 24).  That’s not the Relegation Zone, but they can feel it lurking close beneath them.

Noob smells an 0-2 road win for “The Baggies”.  And remember:  While only the top two get automatically Promoted, the next four have a playoff for one more move up.

  1. ES Setif vs. Wydad Casablanca – CAF Champions League

It’s the Semifinals in Africa!   This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Wydad, out of Morocco, are the defending champions.  Their league season is just one match on.  Algeria’s ES Setif are in first place in their domestic league, though theirs is only a few games in.

Setif is probably only an even match at home against Wydad.  They need to make some hay on their own ground before the return leg road trip.

It’s worth noting that Africa’s most highly-rated club – Egypt’s Al Ahly – are also in action today.  They get overachieving Guinean club Horoya though.  That match will only be as close as Ahly let it be, even on the road.

Image result for making hay funny

 

 

 

You’re doing it wrong.

No matter what the “it” is.

  1. Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Beijing Gouan – Chinese Super League

B.G. are #1 at just past the 20-match mark in this league’s season.   Excellent, especially considering they were just 9th-place in 2017.

At some point, their lack of defense is going cost them dearly.  Today is likely that day.  The defending champs play host, and their GD is 50% better.  They score nearly every bit as much.

Top two will make the AFC Champions League group stage.  3rd-place finisher will get in, but have to play a qualifying round.

Fun Fact:   City Guangzhou is perhaps more familiar to us by an alternate name – Canton.

RESULT:   Evergrande   1-0       G.E. are #B now, while B.G. have dropped to #3.

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Jubilo Iwata – Japan J1 League

This match doesn’t quite pass Track muster for inclusion (~both clubs in top quarter of a league).  But Noob likes to throw The Management a bone many a time, and he’s a Japanophile.  (In fact, he’s vacationing in Tokyo right now, post-Seoul business trip.)

C.Osaka finished 3rd last year, making the AFC CL group stage.  Iwata were 6th.  Both teams are a bit lower in 2018 though – 5th and 10th currently.

Still, even the 4th-place team gets a qualifying stage CL berth, so C.Osaka are not irrelevant.  But they need to get over the hump in some matches, as they lead the league in draws.  Get tough, “Cherry Blossoms”!

RESULT:   1-1       C.Osaka remain in 5th, Iwata moves into 9th.

Image result for madame lobina

 

 

 

Lobby and Madame Lobina are both official mascots of Cerezo Osaka.

 

  1. Navbahor vs. Pakhtakor – Uzebekistan Super League

Welcome to Asia’s 10th-ranked domestic league.  Where they know how to create some league drama.

Like many across the world, this league divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions about 2/3 of the way into its season.  But like a minority of those, they throw out the records at that point.

Navbahor finished 4th, but are in 1st now.  They lagged on offense, but now are on par with the other best clubs.  Pakhtor finished 1st, are a close 3rd now.  And they still are best on GD.  They’re not scoring at the astonishing clip they once were, but play stonewall defense.

Noob believes just one qualifies for 2019 AFC CL.

Fun Fact:   Navabahor means “new spring”; their home city is Namangan.

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Khatlon vs. Kuktosh – Tajikistan Vysshaya Liga

This league climbed to #12 in the AFC rankings, and so will get a team into the next CL.   This year, they don’t have even one.  Instead a couple of their clubs qualified for the Asia Cup.

The season is 20 matches in, and it appears to be a two-horse race.  Kuktosh are 3rd, but a dozen points behind the leaders.  They’d need an historic run to jump both teams.  Even one of them, really.

Khatlon are in 6th and probably a bit better than that.   They’re no worse than an even match for their guests today.

RESULT:   Khatlon   1-0

Image result for ajina-tepa

 

A Buddhist cloister (Ajina-Tepa) near Khatlon club’s home city of Qurghonteppa.

  1. Kopetdag Asgabat vs. Merw – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

In Asia’s perfectly average (#23) league, even the champ doesn’t get a sniff of the AFC CL.  They head to the secondary Asia Cup.  Not that either of today’s combatants will be there, either.   #7 hosts #5.  The good news for them is no one gets Relegated from this league.

Fun Fact:   OK, these guys are just looking to mess up my Scrabble game now.  Merw??  Srsly?

RESULT:   K.A.   2-0

  1. Mwadui vs. Azam – Tanzania Premier

After that extended run through Asia, we finish today’s Globetrotting Track in Africa.  This league cracks the top 24, but needs to be twice as good to get two berths into the CAF Champions League.

Their season is just getting started.  Azam finished #B last year.  1st-place Simba SC outscored them by nearly a 2:1 margin.  Mwadui were 10th of 16.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for shinyanga diamond mine

 

So long from Shinyanga, Tanzania!

Home of FC Mwadui and where the first big diamond find was made outside S.A.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (8/13) – getting to know teams facing The Drop

Noob has you Monday blahs-cure.  Embrace the darkness!

Nearly all today’s featured matches involve teams on the verge of being Relegated from their current league.  Let’s get to know them before they fade into the mist.

Remember you can check back for Results on Noob’s Tracks, too.

Oh, and please consider following Noob on Twitter:  @SoccerNoobUSA

Now, two matches of non-sadness!

  1. USC Landhaus Vienna vs. BIIK Kazygurt – UEFA women’s Champions League

The “Qualifying Round” is a Group affair.  40 clubs are divided into pods of four each.  Each group plays a single round robin, out of which the winners and two best-performing runners-up advance to the Knockout Stage.

There are ton of matches today.  Noob’s learning curve on the women’s side of the game has been even more difficult than for the men’s, so I can’t tell you much about the clubs.  Noob does recognize Kazygurt – a Kazakh club – from last year’s event as one that performed very well.  They are 2-0-0 so far in this event, have qualified to advance already.

Landhaus qualified by finishing #B in Austria’s top flite, the Frauenliga.  They are 1-0-1, 3rd place in the Group.  They’re tied in points in the table with a Greek Club, but down a couple on goal-differential.  This Group’s matches are all in Latvia.

RESULT:   Kazygurt   0-2

B.  Al Ahly vs. Al Nejmeh – Arab Club Champions Cup

This is a stand-alone event, meaning it doesn’t play a direct role in qualification to other international events.  It’s run annually, this being its 28th season.  Currently, clubs from 20 Arab nations participate.  Half are from Asia, half from Africa.

After to very short qualification rounds, they are down to 32 clubs.  This First Round, each pair of teams are playing two-legged ties.

Al Nejmeh is a Lebanese team which finished 3rd in their last complete league season.  They had to play in the second of the qualification rounds.   Now they will get smushed by Africa’s best club.  Noob thinks this will be a rout, Al Ahly by 3+ goals.

So this individual match by itself isn’t so much “important” to us, but Noob thinks it’s important and fun to knows the event is happening at all.  I’d never heard of it before.

بَاء‎     Fun Fact:  That’s pronounced like a Number B in Arabic.  Or maybe more like ‘B + long A sound’.  Noob is noob on many topics.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. 1. FC Cologne vs. Union Berlin – 2. Bundesliga

Noob starts us of on our Relegation tour today in a different way than before.   This league is just starting, so no team is in any kind of danger yet.  Rather, FC Cologne were demoted after a miserable season in the top league last year.

On paper, Noob would make Union Berlin a full-goal underdog today.  But it’s so hard to know if a team like Cologne is in position and spending money to try and climb right back up, or cutting costs and willing to leave with any sort of finish this season.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for 1. FC koln funny

 

 

Disturbing Fact:  If that logo was a movie scene, it might not make the rated-R cut…

  1. Norrkoping vs. Hammarby – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Now we jump into league matches, though this first is not a Drop Zone match.  These two are #4 and #B in UEFA’s 22nd-ranked league.  Hey, they’re playing.

Norrkoping is eight points out of 1st and the league’s only Champions League invitation.  They’re not playing like they’re going make a push the last couple matches.  Meanwhile. Hammarby trail AIK by just two, and have played one less match than them.   They’ve also won three straight.  The teams play about the same defense, but Hammarby have the offense to pull off an important road win today.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Trellesborg vs. Sundsvall – Sweden Allsvenkanliga

And now, the Swedish sadness!  Noob saved you a box of tissues after being here last week, Trellesborg.

The bottom two from this league will get automatically Dropped.  Trellesborg are in second-to-last, four points from daylight, which even still might only mean having to play in a Relegation Playoff match with a second division team for the right to stay up.  Noob thinks they’re a goal underdog to their midtable guests today.

RESULT:   Sundsvall   1-6

Image result for Kofi Sarkodie San JoseFun Fact:  Trellesborg have an American  defender on their roster — Kofi Sarkodie.  Prior to this year, he most recently played for MLS’ San Jose Earthquakes.

  1. Union Comercio vs. Melgar – Peru Premier

Here’s an intriguing matchup.  Peru’s Premier plays three separate seasons per year.  The worst two from the aggregate of all three will get The Boot.

Here near the end second season, they’re actually 10th of 18 clubs.  But they were far and away the worst club during the first season, and still sit in last place in that aggregate table.  At home today, Noob thinks they’re in even match against Melgar.  They still can’t score, but at least now they’re preventing the other teams from doing so at will.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. 3 de Febrero vs. Cerro Porteño – Paraguay Premier

3dF fans know they’re rooting for a second-tier club.  They were just promoted this season and they’re going right back down– deep in last place in the year’s aggregate table.  C.P. finished #B in the recently-concluded Apertura, so this could be ugly today.

RESULT:   CP   1-3

Image result for don johnson miami vice Ciudad del Este

 

 

3dF’s home of Ciudad del Este was a filming location for “Miami Vice”.

  1. Merreikh Nyala vs. Kober – Sudan Premier

Sudan’s is the 7th-ranked league in Africa, though no thanks to these two sad sacks.

Late in the season, this one breaks up into Championship and Relegation divisions.  Nyala was midtable, but now are dead last in that second subdivision.  Kober was a midtable team as well, but they have been playing well enough to stay above the Cut Line.  A whopping four teams will get moved down after everything is done.

RESULT:   Kober   0-1

Image result for kofi annan

 

Not Exactly FUN Fact:   In Nyala, former U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan cofounded The Amel Center — a place of rehab and treatment for torture victims.

(How about that, two Kofi’s in one Track!)

 

  1. PSIS vs. Bhayangkara – Indonesia Liga 1

Liga 1 here is 27th-ranked in Asia, putting it a little below average.

PSIS are nowhere near average, sitting in second-to-last.  They’re three points from daylight, but have to leapfrog two teams, as three will be sent down.  They’re defense looks average on paper, but it’s really due to they just don’t try playing much offense.  Their guests today are midtable folk.

Fun Fact:   PSIS are based in Semarang, the capital of the province of Central Java.

RESULT:   Bhyangkara   1-2

  1. Jonkopings Sodra vs. Varnamo – Sweden Superettan

More Sweden?   Understandable.  Noob misses the technical support and stylings for Dan the former Intern-o Inferno, too.  Hopefully once he settles into his new entry-level role at his dream organization – the SvFF, Sweden’s women’s professional soccer org – he’ll check in with us.  Buuhhhhht Noob thinks he might really be a spy, so maybe not.  Time will tell.

This is Sweden’s second division, from which to will get run out.  Last-place Varnamo must be Swedish for “make the football sad”.  Then again, Noob studied Spanish on and off throughout his school and university years.  Me gusta juveos muchos en mis pantalones.  Amirite or amirite?  J.S. are meh.

RESULT:   Varnamo   1-3      It’s a Relegation Monday Miracle!

Image result for apladalen värnamo

 

 

So long from Noob and fictional lovers Per and Kersti, at the Apladalen in Varnamo!

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – ICC, Copa MX, UEFA Champions League lead the way

Noob’s on vacation in Howey-in-the-Hills, Florida.  Noobites will want to scroll back a Track or two to get extra details on some tournaments and leagues.

Otherwise, it’s keep calm and carry on with the footyball mini-previews!

Tuesday

  1. Barcelona vs. AS Roma – International Champions Cup

Roma got clocked by Arsenal in their first ICC match.  Barcelona beat Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur in penalties after regulation went 2-2.   Smart money would therefore be on Barcelona to come out on top today in Arlington, though smarter money would stay un-wagered to begin with.  ICC is just glorified friendlies, after all.

RESULT:   Roma   2-4

B.  Tapachula vs. Atletico de San Luis – Copa MX

When it comes to FA Cups, Noob’s always on the lookout for Minnow, underdogs.  Both these clubs are from Mexico’s second-tier league – Ascenso MX.

Tapachula finished 8th in the last Clausura (second half-season) standings, only qualifying for the Liguilla (postseason tournament) by virtue of beating out the 9th-place team deep on tiebreakers.  Yet on they went to win it!

San Luis finished just 10th, struggling on offense.  This will be a particularly interesting matchup because Tapachula excels on offense only.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for letter b animated gif

 

Here’s a dolphin and Number B excelling at their own sport.

  1. FC Sheriff Tiraspol vs. FK Shkendija – UEFA Champions League

This is the Second Qualifying Round – still a ways to go before the Group Stage, where purists say the event proper really begins.

These two were last season’s champions from the 38th and 34th-ranked leagues in UEFA.  Shkendija – out of Macedonia – won the first match of this two-legged tie 1-0.  Either they or the Moldovan domestic league champions will advance to the Third Q.R. to play Red Bull Salzburg out of Austria.

RESULT:   0-0    And so Shkendija advances on aggregate

Wednesday

  1. Arsenal vs. Chelsea – International Champions Cup

Premier League is just a couple weeks from kicking off, and here we get something of a preview.

These are two clubs that had disappointing league seasons last year.  In this event, Arsenal have lost in penalties to Barcelona and destroyed Paris Saint-Germain.  Chelsea have played just one of their three matches, losing in penalties to Inter Milan.  Today’s match is in Dublin.   (3:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Arsenal   1-1  /  6-5 pk

Image result for England vs ireland funny

 

 

 

Not soccer-related.

Noob neither has nor needs a reason.

  1. Orange County vs. Portland Timbers II – United Soccer League

With MLS on All-Star break, we shift our gaze to America’s second division.

There’s a widening gap in the Western Conference between the top five and the rest of the pack.  Orange County are in a three-way tie for 3rd, while Portland are one of the best of the rest in 6th.  Top eight will make the Playoffs.

It’s Timbers II’s defense that keeps them from breaking into the upper echelon.   Noob thinks they’ll make the playoffs, but as the bottom seed, not 6th.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Midtjylland vs. Astana – UEFA Champions League

The Second Qualifying Round rolls along.  Noob’s selected this one to feature for the competitiveness.

Denmark’s second-best club is probably just an even match on their own pitch against Kazakhstan’s top club.  Astana won the first match in tie two-legged tie 2-1.  The winner will next face Dinamo Zagreb, Croatia’s top entrant.

RESULT:   0-0     Onward and upward for Astana

Image result for Denmark weird

 

 

Denmark – where you can sleep in a giant beer can.

  1. Akwa United vs. Lobi Stars – Nigeria Pro League

Hello, Nigerian Pro League, it’s been a while!  Have you lost a little weight?  You look sensational.

This league has been ranked #12 in Africa, the lowest spot that still allows the club to qualify two clubs to the CAF Champions League.  The rankings for next year’s competitions have already come out and Nigeria will have fallen a little.

So this year so far, these are the two clubs in line for CL berths, #1 and #B in the table.  But the table is tight at the top.  The teams tied for 3rd are just three points out of Bth , and two more are just a point below them.  Noob thinks Kano Pillars may be the best team in the league, will jump one of these two if they quit getting so darn many draws.

RESULT:     ppd

8.  Zapatepec vs. Cruz Azul – Copa MX

Last Clausura, Zapatepec finished fourth in Ascenso MX.  Trouble on both sides of the ball, yet perhaps their success is of guts and grit.  Cruz Azul finished in 12th in Liga MX.

Noobstradamus hasn’t been divining a great deal of late, and so his vision was a bit cloudy.  Look a for at least a tie and perhaps even a full-on upset by the home side.

RESULT:   Cruz Azul   2-3

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

Cloudy?  I never used that word.  I am the all-seeing Noobstradamus!

(Maybe I said “murky…”)

 

Thursday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Brazil – Tournament of Nations

This four-team event has it’s third and final pair of matches in the round robin today, this time taking their tour to Chicagoland.  The standings don’t matter, as this is a stand-alone set of friendlies.  But they’ve carried a little more weight than some (I.C.C.) since these are something of a tuneup for the 2019 women’s World Cup.

U.S.A. and Australia are in a dead heat for 1st, Brazil just a point behind them.  Aus could sneak in and take home the trophy today, as they have 0-2 Japan today.

RESULT:   U.S.A.   4-1

  1. Ah Ahly vs. Ismaily – Egyptian Premier League

Al Ahly absolutely wrecked this league last year, and this is the best league on the continent by far.  Lots of teams in the world carry the name “Ahly”, but this is the one to know.  Ismaily finished a distant #B in 2017-18.  This is the first match of the new season for both.

RESULT:   1-1     Mo Sherif got a goal for the hosts at 90′ to salvage a draw.

Image result for cairo hidden gems

 

 

 

So long from Cairo, where Noob will be hitting the Khan Al Kahili Bazaar after the match.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday – from MLS to a Saudi surprise

TGIGF!

‘The ten best matches for us – the newish American fans – to track’ takes its usual Friday bent, as we Trot the Globe!  Today, we’ll start in locales familiar, then jetset to four continents for footyball action!

There must be a crack in the airplane window today.  Nothing but a low oxygen level explains Noob’s weirdness this round…

  1. Toronto vs. Philadelphia Union – MLS

Philadelphia, we’re used to you being ungoodly.  8th in conference last year, same this season.

But Toronto?!   The defending champs are in last place in the Western Conference.  Apologists will say they had been putting most of their early season effort into the CONCACAF Champions League (in which they lost in the Final).  Contrarians might contend their stars are getting long in the tooth.   (8:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Philly 0-1.   On a late penalty kick.  After a bad call.

RESULT:   Toronto   3-0

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

It’s about time I was co-lead of this shite soccer site.  

Time to clean stuff up!

B.  Brighton & Hove Albion vs. Manchester United – English Premier

It will be interesting to see which side brings the energy today.  #B Man Utd. have already locked up their Champions League berth for next year.  BHA are in 14th, but could still be fighting hard for a top half finish.  Plus, each position up in the table is worth an average of about 2M pounds.  Not that Noob knows if the players get it.

BHA’s issue all season has been goal-scoring.  For a table-top team, Man Utd don’t score in droves, either.    (3:00 PM, NBCSN)

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1     BHA scores early, Man Utd decides late that they’d like a point.

RESULT:   BHA   1-0

Image result for happy letter B

 

Noob hopes that’s a BHA fan, supporting the quest of Number B!

  1. Real Salt Lake City vs. Orange County – USL

Division Two this may be, but what a matchup.  The current 3rd-place and defending Western Conference champs take on #1 OC.

Real SLC trail OC by three in the table, but have played two fewer games.  But that’s not the only reason OC lead.  They are tied for the league’s best offense and sport the #1 defense as well.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Real 3-2.   Which sucks.  Because tenured Noobites know how Noob feels about anything royal/”real” in Muricuh!   Did we fight the Revolutionary War for no reason?

RESULT:   Real   2-1

  1. Al Ahly vs. Esperance – CAF Champions League

Africa’s Champions League group stage begins!  Four groups of four, top two finishers in each advance to the quarterfinals.

And Group A is your “Group of Death”.  These two clubs are why.   They are the runaway winners of the continent’s best two leagues (Egypt, Tunisia).

The other two in this group are a Botswanan club that had to get through a qualifying round and the champs out of Uganda – a mediocre, one-entrant league.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Al Ahly  4-1      The “Red Castle” are going to make a statement right out of the gate.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for group of death funny

  1. Braga vs. Boavista – Primeira Liga (UEFA #7)

Two league matches to go in Portugal, and things are scalding hot at top of table.

Braga trail the #3 and #B clubs by just three points.  To get a Champions League berth, they’ll have to pass both.  The good news for them is that they would likely hold the goal differential-tiebreaker over one of them should that come into play.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Braga having no trouble with #8 Boavista.  Too much firepower up front.  Braga 3-1.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Dynamo Kyiv vs. Mariupol – Ukraine Premier (UEFA #8)

D.K. lag behind #1 Shakhtar Donetsk by five points.  Even with surely a dominating performance today versus #5 Mariupol, they’re unlikely to catch up.  But Ukraine gets two into Champions League, so their weeping for what is lost will be short-lived.

Noobstradamus Sees:   D.K.  2-0

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for weep for what is lost

  1. Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Sivasspor – Turkey Super Lig (UEFA #10)

If Portugal is “scalding hot”, Turkey is pure lava!  The top four in Turkey are separated by all of four points.

Top two get into Champions league, and Besiktas is #B with three league matches to go.  But they face the toughest test this weekend among those top four, the #7 Spartans of Sivasspor.

Noobstradamus has had a stunning vision!

“I dreamt I was in the movie “Meet the Spartans”.  Kevin Sorbo and Diedrich Bader were doing battle in a gladiatorial stadium.  I looked on with Carmen Electra as the two combatants pelted one another with petrified baklava.  We delighted in the blood and faux-chocolatey spatter as they danced their dance of death.”

“In truth, the battle was very one-sided.   Sorbo, in a Sivasspor football kit, stood over the prone, dessert-covered Bader in his Istanbul gear.  Just before slamming the fatal shard into his heart, Sorbo shouted, ‘1-2’!”

It was a pretty abrupt ending to a terribly strange dream.  But Noobstradamus is only a host for the visions, not the controller.   Sivasspor deal a mighty blow today to Istanbul’s title hopes.

RESULT:   1-1     Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten chilidogs and watched Hercules and Outsourced back-to-back so late…

Image result for Kevin Sorbo Diedrich Bader

 

 

But in real life —

Best frehhhnds!

  1. Waterford vs. Dundalk – League of Ireland Premier (UEFA #38)

#3 hosts #2 in one of Europe’s “summer leagues”.  They’re only maybe 2/3 of the way through their season, not in the last matches like the “bigger” UEFA leagues.

Cork City is #1, but not running away with the title like last season.  Dundalk trails them by three, and surprising Waterford is just three more back.

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1    This will only be the fifth goal Dundalk has conceded all season.

RESULT:   Waterford   2-1

  1. Barcelona SC vs. LDU de Quito – Ecuador Serie A

If this looks familiar, it’s because it should.  These two just played on 4/29 in a Noob-featured match.  Quito hosted and won 2-1.  They now lead BSC by a point in the table.  But now BSC hosts.

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1     Quito is better on both sides of the ball, if not by leaps and bounds.

RESULT:   Quito   0-1

  1. Al Kawkab vs. Al-Raed – Saudi Pro League qualification

It’s a Final!  And Noob would be willing to bet no one else in the English-speaking world is previewing this match.

Al-Kawkab finished 4th in the second-division First League.  And they got whupped in the first leg by top-tier bottom feeder Al-Raed, 4-1.

If Kawkab has hope, it is that Raed played the worst defense in their league, and they played among the best offense in their own.  And Kawkab did score in that first road leg.  Noob suspects the player who got that – Senegalese forward Mignane Diouf – will have to catch fire.

Noobstrdamus Sees:   Kawkab   2-1     Good, but not good enough

RESULT:   0-0

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And goodbye from Saudi Arabia!

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (4/24-26) – bring us Champions Leagueness!

Time for Midweek Madness!   OK, Noob doesn’t really think there’s any more madness Tuesday-Thursday than any other time.  But chicks dig alliteration.  I’m sure of it.

Tuesday, 4/24

  1. Liverpool vs. AS Roma – UEFA Champions League

The Semifinals are here!  These two both surprised world soccer giants last round to advance.  This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Noobites, you can of course find all manner of highly-detailed previews on many sites.  Our purpose here is fun, learning/increased awareness, and packaged in zaniness many times.  But Noob will offer up one particular angle.

Footballdatabase.com appears to use the chess world’s ELO formula -or a modified version of it- to rate clubs.  I find it very accurate.  Today, these two rate as 1966 and 1872, respectively.  Think of, oh, borderline Grandmaster vs. very solid Expert.

So, based on evidence I’ve casually tracked since starting this site, Noob’s calling Liverpool not quite a 1.5 goal favorite today.  Take it to the bank!  (Of course, I don’t think soccer betting is run with point spreads, so maybe just stick it in an old mattress.)   (2:45 PM Eastern, FS 1)

RESULT:   Liverpool   5-2

Image result for elo rating formula

B.  Penn FC vs. Nashville FC – USL

Penn FC were Harrisburg City Islanders previously. This is not a new club, just a rebranding.  Nashville are an expansion club.

Penn did not win any of their first matches. Nashville is a .500 club so far, but Noob thinks they’ve been either lucky or gritty so far.   Penn gets their first W today.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for brand B

 

 

Gotta be honest, Number B.  Not the most creative rebranding there.

 

 

 

Deeper Dive:  any of the three Copa Libertadores matches, Bulgarian FA Cup semifinal, China FA Cup matches, or either League of Ireland (not FA) Cup match.

Wednesday, 4/25

  1. Guadalajara vs. Toronto FC – CONCACAF Champions League

The Final!  Guadalajara took the first league in Canadia 1-2.  Toronto can’t just win 0-1 today in order to tie things up.  They’d lose on the away-goals tiebreaker.

Toronto have had a miserable start to their MLS season.  They’re out of gas.  The Guad Squad is going to get to put on a show.  Rather than just sit on the ball and milk their lead, this feels to Noob like a 3-0 rout.   (9:30 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toronto 1-2 in regulation      But Guad wins the title 4-2 in pk’s.   Heartbreak for Toronto.  Guad should’ve been down a man to a red card much of the second half when one of their players punched a Toronto player right in the stomach, 10′ from a ref with a clear view.  Not even a foul called.

  1. Bayern Munich vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

Two +2000 Grandmaster clubs.  Noob might’ve thought the winner will be a heavy favorite to take the title.  But Bayern didn’t completely dominate a Sevilla team that they should’ve in the Quarters.  And Real nearly blew a big lead to Juventus.

Bayern have been scoring – at least in league play – like gangbusters.  Noob’s calling this one as 3-1 for the home side, as they can control the pace at home.   (2:45 PM, FS1, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Real   1-2

Image result for grandmaster flash

 

 

Grandmaster Flash carried an ELO rating of a billion.

  1. Boca Juniors vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League continues its group stage.  The top two finishers from each Group of four will advance.

Boca are Argentina’s #1-ranked entry into this event.  Palmeiras are the #3 from Brazil.  Yet Palmeiras are the ones leading this Group, and by two over their hosts today.  They’d take a draw in a heartbeat.

Boca will look to push and play for the win, get more distance in the table over Atletico Junior of Colombia.   (8:45 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

  1. FC Tokyo vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – J1 League

The league season is almost ten games in, yet Noob wonders if this is the first Track-worthy match we’ve seen from Japan.

Hiroshima finished near the bottom of the table last year.  Now?  They’ve not lost once. FC Tokyo finished low enough last year that Noob thought perhaps they’d just been promoted from J2.  Even at #B, they trail FCT by nine in the table.

RESULT:   Tokyo   3-1

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Hiroshima’s mascots striking poses

  1. Zlin vs. Jablonec – Czech FA Cup

There are many FA Cups matches being played around Europe today.  The Czech Cup semifinal today pits two teams from the #13 league in Europe, the highest ranking represented this week.

Zlin are in 9th in the league this year.  Given their awful GD, Noob’s not sure how they’ve managed even that.  They’ll get all they can handle from their 6th-place guests.

Aaaand then the winner will get smooshed by Slavia Prague in the Final.    And then they’ll pee their pants, the end.

RESULT:   Jablonec   0-1

Deeper Dive:  #3 Ranheim vs. #1 Brann, Norway Eliteserien; #3 Maritzburg United vs. #1 Mamelodi Sundowns, South Africa Premier; #2 Suwon Bluewings vs. #3 Gyeongnam FC, South Korea K1 League; #4 Prachuap vs. #3 Chiangrai United, Thai 1 League; any China FA Cup matches, Brazil FA Cup Round of 16 matches, or FA Cup semis from Bulgaria, Cyprus, or Denmark

Thursday, 4/26

  1. Arsenal vs. Atletico Madrid – Europa League

UEFA’s secondary continental tournament has reached its Semifinals.  This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Arsenal better hope they get some sort of lift perhaps trying to win this thing as a tribute to now-departing manager Arsene Wenger, because Atletico is probably by far the strongest team remaining.  He’d been with the club over 20 years, but either gracefully stepped aside or was forced out less than a week ago.   (3:05 PM, FS1, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1     Atletico had a player and their manager kicked out 10 minutes into the match.  Arsenal still couldn’t take care of business.

Image result for arsene wenger sad face

  1. Lillestrom vs. Sarpsborg – Norway Super Cup

Super Cups usually happen right as the league season is beginning, pitting last year’s FA Cup champs against the defending league champs.  This one was delayed because of wintry conditions.  Shock me.

Lillestrom only finished 12th in league last year.  They qualified for this by beating Sarpsborg in the FA Cup final.  Sarpsurg has started a little slowly this season, but it’s very early.  Lillestrom – who host today – aren’t doing any better than in 2017.

RESULT:   Sarpsborg   0-1     Congrats!

  1. Al Ahly vs. El Zamalek – Egypt Premier

Noob ends the midweek Track honoring the champions of Africa’s #1 league.  With two matches to go, Al Ahly lead the next team up by a mind-boggling 21 points in the table.

Zamalek are in 3rd.  This is their final league match.  They can’t catch #B Ismaily for a Champions League berth, but they could themselves be passed by #4 Al Masry.  3rd place gets into the Confederations Cup, Africa’s version of Europa League.

RESULT:   Zamalek   1-2

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OK, that’s mind-boggling

 

 

Deeper Dive:  any of the Copa Libertadores matches; Denmark’s FA Cup semifinal; #B Partizan vs. #4 Radnicki, Serbia Superliga, #3 Hapoel Katamon Jerusalem vs. #1 Hapoel Tel Aviv, Israel Leumit Liga (second-tier)

’10 to Track’ for wknd 12/30-31 – a double dose of Premier League

The weekend – when 10 to Track gets serious on the league action.  The most important matches of the weekend await us, newish American soccer fans!  Let’s finish 2017 strong, and even with a nostalgia-link at the end.

Saturday, 12/30

  1. Liverpool vs. Leicester City – English Premier League

The EPL sends four teams to Champions League next season.  The two Manchester clubs and Chelsea are going to be there.  The most serious question regards that fourth slot.  Liverpool hold it now, but Burnley and accursed Tottenham are breathing down their necks.

Leicester, meanwhile, sits in 8th.  And a they’re a far cry from 7th, the lowest position in the table that might get a Europa League berth.  They haven’t won in their last three league matches.  The home draw against Man Utd. was solid enough, but the preceding loss to Crystal Palace was putrid.

RESULT:   Liverpool   2-1     They remain in 4th and 8th.  Liverpool gets some breathing room from Tottenham though.

B.  Bristol City vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – English Championship League

Since scouting this game a few days ago, Bristol have moved up from 4th into a tie for 2nd.  Since Wolverhampton are dominantly in 1st place, we’re treated to the sweetest of matchups!

The top two from ECL are automatically promoted to Premier League at season’s end.  Wolverhampton’s built themselves a nice cushion in the table.  They score more and give up fewer goals than all other league teams.  Meanwhile, Bristol’s in a dogfight for that second slot.

RESULT:   Wolverhampton   1-2

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Hold on, is Billy Zane at least still doing the Georgia Gold commercials?

  1. Inter Milan vs. Lazio – Serie A

Things are tight at the top of this league’s standings.  Lazio still holds the top spot, having lost only once all season.

3rd-place Inter’s lost their last two league matches, plus their Coppa match to AC Milan.  If “the Big Grass Snake” want to stay in the top four and qualify for Champions League next year, they’ve got to start finding the back of the net again.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Celtic vs. Rangers – Scottish Premiership

Celtic are doing Celtic things again this year.  Score the most, give up the fewest goals.  One loss.  Eight-point lead in the table.  Even with the second-best offense in the league, this may not be close for 3rd-place Rangers.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for celtic women funny

 

I re-watched your entire series two years ago!  Doesn’t that earn Noob some pants-leeway?

  1. Motagua vs. Real España – Honduras National League

The Apertura Final!   Real topped Motagua 2-0 in the first leg of this postseason championship tournament.  These teams were 2nd and 4th in the league regular season, but nearly identical statistically.  Two goals are a big deficit to overcome in this setting, even at home.

RESULT:   2-1  (aet)    But Real España is the champion!  After 90 minutes, it was Motagua 2-0.  Since that only tied the score on aggregate, they played extra time, where Real scored the only goal.

  1. Caldas vs. Académica – Portugal FA Cup

This is the last match in the Round of 16 for the Taça de Liga.  And we get treated to a Minnow Watch!

Caldas is a middling team from third-tier Campeonato de Portugal.   They’re matched up against a very successful second-tier side in Académica.  Should Caldas win, a Campeonato team will be guaranteed to make the Semifinals.  Fellow league side Farense will get the winner of this match in the Quarters.

RESULT:   Caldas   1-1  /  4-2  pk

Image result for caldas sc 2017 crest

 

 

All those tiny little castles.  Looks like a Lego set.

  1. Feirense vs. Oliveirense – Portugal League Cup

This is not the same event as above.  This, the Taça de Liga, only includes teams from the top two leagues in the nation.  Only the top team from each Group of four in this event will advance.

LigaPro (second-tier) Oliveirense are tied for 1st  in their Group, but they hold the goal differential-tiebreaker.  Win and they’re probably in the Semis.   Stunning, given that they’re having an awful year in their league.   The Primera hosts here need to win big and get some help from another match result.

RESULT:   2-2    And so Oliveirense advance!

Image result for you need help funny

  1. Al Ahly vs. Atletico Madrid – international friendly

Egyptian and Spanish giants face off in a charity match, with the proceeds going to the families of Egyptians killed by terrorist acts.  It’s hard to imagine either team using starters for very long, but “peace against terrorism” as a theme makes this a worthwhile Track for Noob.

RESULT:   Ateltico   2-3

Image result for coming off the bench funny soccer

 

 

…for the cause of peace against terrorism.

 

 

Sunday, 12/31

  1. West Bromwich Albion vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

Arsenal is all the way up to a tie for 5th after a poor start to the season, haven’t lost since 12/2.  But only the top four will get into next season’s Champions League.

West Brom have as few losses as 10th-place Watford, yet are in 19th.  Soooo many draws.  They have trouble scoring, but hosting makes this intriguing.  Arsenal don’t play nearly the defense as other clubs near the top of the table.

RESULT:   1-1  

  1. Grenades vs. Parham – Antigua and Barbuda Premier

3rd hosts 2nd place in a paradise.  Here’s what you need to know about Parham FC.  Ah, sweet revisiting of a classic D-Twosday Interview.

RESULT:   Parham   0-1

http://www.soccernoob.com/2017/11/07/d-two-sday-interview-judge-margo-k-brodie-nasl-ruling/