Tag: Atlas

’10 to Track’ match previews for weekend 1/19-20 – call Noob “Mr. CONCACAF”

Noob’s return to Tracking important matches for rolls on!

This weekend, trying out something new.

Image result for CONCACAF

What follows are the most important matches from the top 20 leagues in CONCACAF.

Enjoy, as we get to know leagues and clubs from all over our local federation.

1. UANL Tigres vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX
  • CONCACAF league rank:        they don’t do those, but MX is #1
  • Table positions:                        Apertura #5, #2
  • Stakes:                                           top 8 make the Liguilla
  • Time of season:                         Clausura just starting

For the rawest of Noobites, Mexico divides its football year into two separate tournaments – Apertura and Clausura. They’re just a game into the Clausura, so let’s look at the year’s first half:

Cruz Azul were the regular season champs! But they lost in the Liguilla (postseason tournament) final to #B CF America. They sported the best defense in the league, should be a contender once again.

UANL finished in 6th, also qualifying for the Liguilla. Their goal differential was second best in the league, but it wasn’t bad luck that kept them from a higher table position. They struggled against top competition, if often losing close at least. And they ran up scores against lesser foes. They’ll need to figure out how to get more scoring versus the real contenders if they want to join their ranks.

RESULT:   Cruz Azul   0-1

B. Atlas vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX Femenil
  • CONCACAF league rank:             hmmm…well, nowhere near as good as U.S.
  • Table positions:                             Apertura #4, #B in Group 2
  • Stakes:                                               top four from each Group make the Liguilla
  • Time of season:                             Clausura just starting

Mexico’s professional women’s league has their season divided the same as the men’s side. In this league also they are just starting the Clausura.

Unlike the men’s side, the women’s league is divided into two Groups of nine clubs each. Top four from each make the Liguilla, and these two were both in it. These two were the best defensive teams from their Group. They sported the best two defense in the league. Both will have to show they can score a lot more in order to challenge Group champs UNAL.

RESULT:        this match seems to have not been played;  an update will follow if more info becomes available

 

Image result for image redacted

 

The Number B image originally shown here was redacted.

I blame the agents of worn-out Number Two.

3. Oaxaca vs. Sonora – Ascenso MX
  • CONCACAF League rank:           might be third-best
  • Table positions:                             Apertura #6, #4
  • Stakes:                                               top 8 make the liguilla
  • Time of season:                             Clausura just starting

Previously, Noob has paid little attention to second-tier Mexican football. And while I may not spend a lot of type on it, as perhaps the third-best league in the region, we’ll get to know it a little.

There were just two or three teams in real contention for the regular season Apertura title. But that liguilla is just as shiny a trophy, and it was the #5 seed that won it. Oaxaca’s got the goal-stopping ability to make a push higher in the table here in the Clausura. Sonora’s got to win some close games this go-round or they won’t.

It’s worth noting, kind of sadly, that these clubs aren’t really offered a chance at Promotion into Liga MX. The overall winner is technically eligible, but there are safeguards in place so the last place Liga team can pay a bunch of money to stay in the top flite.

Fun Fact:   Oaxaca’s nickname – The Alebrijes – is a term for art depictions of fantastical creatures.   The form and term comes from artist Pedro Linares.  After falling ill, he had dreams of unreal animals and drew them upon waking.

RESULT:   Sonora   0-1

The rest are Caribbean region matches.  Two quick things:

  • I assume a rough correlation between a national team’s official ranking and the country’s domestic league strength.  I’ve never found formal rankings for the latter.
  • Here’s how the CFU (Cariibbean Football Union) qualifies teams for CONCACAF Champions League and CONCACAF League (which is itself a pathway to CL):

Image result for caribbean club championship

 

This year, countries with professional and semi-professional leagues can send two teams to the new Caribbean Club Championship.

 


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Other countries’ leagues can send their winners to the second-tier Caribbean Club Shield tournament.

 

The particulars of how each event qualifies teams to the CL and CONCACAF League can wait for another day.

4. Mount Pleasant vs. Portmore United – Jamaica National Premier
  • CONCACAF league rank:                about #6*
  • Table positions:                               #5, #1
  • Stakes:                                                  top six make league playoffs
  •                                                                  top two get byes
  •                                                                  Caribbean Club Championship berths
  • Time of Season:                                unsure!

Last year, this 12-team, league played a double round robin. This year, they’ve just reached that point and are playing on! But it’s not the playoffs.

Currently, this league is seeing a three-horse race for those top two spots. Portmore – which made the Caribbean Club Championships last year – have a narrow lead, but their defense is suspect. Fortunately for them, Mount Pleasant is a small-ball team – don’t score much, don’t concede many.

RESULT:   1-1

Mount Pleasant Football Academy Logo.png

 

Noob is looking for comments on what the interjection means.   Actual part of the Academy crest.

Here or @SoccerNoobUSA on Twitter

5. Agoaudo vs. Kourou – French Guiana Division d’Honneur
  • CONCACAF league rank:               top 15
  • Table positions:                              #1, #6
  • Stakes:                                                 Caribbean Club Shield berths
  • Time of season:                               approaching halfway

French Guiana could send two teams for the Caribbean Club Shield, but is not.  Maybe after this season.

Agoaudo are undefeated, lead the next team in the table by nine points. That’s not quite as big a gap as it looks like at first glance. This league awards four points for a win, two for a draw, and one for just showing up. Second-best offense in the league, runaway best D.

Kouro are merely midtable. Noob’s not certain they have the D to maintain a top-half finish in this 12-team league.

Fun Fact:   Nearby Agoaudo’s home of Apatou is the Guiana Amazonian Park.  Suriname is a French department (state, more or less), and this park is the largest French national park.

6. Moulien vs. USBM – Guadeloupe Division d’Honneur
  • CONCACAF league rank:        top 15
  • Table positions:                        #1, #3
  • Stakes:                                           Caribbean Club Shield
  • Time of season:                         halfway

Guadeloupe are sending 2017-18 their champs – Moulien – to the Club Shield, unlike French Guiana. That same club leads the league this year, too, but what a race it looks like so far! They lead the next team in the table by just a point, and three other clubs are within just five points.

Moulien will try to keep the score low. Not that they can’t score well themselves, but #3 (and likely true top threat for the title) USBM prefer a wide-open style themselves, and would play it far better.

RESULT:   USBM   0-3              There’s your new league #1!    Three teams trail by just a single point in the table.

Image result for Moulien

 

 

As a former radio dj, just thought this was cool.

7. St. Paul’s vs. Village Superstars – St. Kitts and Nevis Super League
  • CONCACAF league rank:                 top 20
  • Table positions:                                 #3, #1
  • Stakes:                                                   top 4 make league playoffs
  •                                                                   Caribbean Club Shield berths
  • Time of Season:                                 over 1/3 done

Village Superstars are the defending champions, will play Club Shield.   They lead the league this year as well, but their hosts today and Newtown United are going to both be there ’til the end.

These two sport excellent offenses, but lead the league in D.  It will be interesting to see what sort of pace St. Paul’s will try and dictate at home.

Fun Fact:  St. Paul’s are based out of the town of that name, but play their games in the national capital, Basseterre

RESULT:   1-1

8. Interwillemstad vs. UNDEBA – Curacao Sekshon Paga
  • CONCACAF league rank:        top 20
  • Table positions:                        #6, #B
  • Stakes:                                          top 6 make league  playoffs
  •                                                          Caribbean Club Shield berths
  • Time of season:                        earlyish

The season looks to only be 18 matches long here in the former Netherlands Antilles. So even at seven matches in, things are looking serious. Unbeaten Scherpenheuvel have opened up a five point lead over UNDEBA. But this is a good matchup for the visitors. They score goals like crazy, but play about no defense. But scoring is exactly where Inter struggles.

Curacao will host the Club Shield.   Jong Holland are the defending champs here, but deep down the table this season.

RESULT:   Inter   2-1        The winners climb into a three-way tie for 4th place.    The losers fall into a tie for #B in the table, six points behind the league leaders.

Image result for inter willemstad 2018-19

9. West United vs. Robin Hood – Suriname Topklasse
  • CONCACAF league rank:       top 20
  • Table positions:                      #8, #B
  • Stakes:                                         Caribbean Club Shield berths
  • Time of season:                       earlyish

Robin Hood are the defending champs, representing the league in the second-tier Club Shield tournament. They are one of three still undefeated teams here in 2018-19. They trail Leo Victor by four in the table.

The real question in this league would seem to be will Inter Moengotapoe (3rd place) be able to keep pace? So far offensive numbers say no. But it’s early. They should beat midtable West Utd. in their own house by a couple today.

Fun Fact:  West Utd. are from the Coronie District, of which the four towns have fewer than 4,000 people.

RESULT:   Robin Hood   2-4

10. Grenades vs. Parham – Antigua and Barbuda Premier
  • CONCACAF league rank:         top 20
  • Table positions:                         #3, #5
  • Stakes:                                            Caribbean Club Shield berths
  • Time of season:                          halfway

It may just be the halfway point, but there are also just nine match days remaining. Parham are just five out of the lead, but it feels like they have too many clubs to leapfrog to make a title run.

Grenades are just three back of the defending champs – Hoppers – and have the defense to stay in the race. This could be a tricky home game though. Parham are something of a traditional power here.

RESULT:   Grenades   1-0       Grenades  climb to #B, Parham slip to 6th.

Image result for Antigua Recreation ground

 

So long from the Antigua Recreation Ground in St. John’s, home of Grenades F.C.!

Capacity:  12,000

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday (1/11) – Liga MX, Asian Up, CAF Champions League lead the way

Noob’s return continues!   Last Monday we celebrated Relegation matches of suckitude for the first time since the holidays.   Today, we return to our Globetreotting ways.  When the biggest leagues provide a little less, we spend our Friday perusing matches  far and wide!

Come, Noobites!   Let’s discover a world of soccer.   As always, we start close to home —

1. Atlas vs. CF America – Liga MX
  • CONCACAF league rank:            doesn’t have ’em, but this is #1
  • Table position:                               Apertura #15, #2 and Liguilla winner
  • Time of season:                              early

Atlas won their first match of the Clausura (second half-season of the Mexican football year). They needed a hot start after crapping the bed for first half-season. After getting just 11 goals that whole time, they already have two.

This is America’s first match. They’re awesome and will almost certainly perform terrible deeds upon their host tonight. View the carnage at 10:00 PM on Univision Deportes.

Fun Fact:  La Barra 51  are Atlas’ primary supporters group, named for 1951 – the last time and I think only time they ever won the top-flight championship.

RESULT:   America   1-2

B. Palestine vs. Australia – Asian Cup

This is the quadrennial championship for the AFC. The qualification rounds are done and the Group Stage is at hand. All the remaining matches are being held in U.A.E. Six pods of four teams each each duke it in a round robin out for two slots in the next, bracketed round.

Defending champs Australia (#41 in the world, #2 in the AFC) actually lost their first match. HYOOJ. Jordan also won their second match, so it’s looking like one slot will be theirs.

Palestine are rated the 16th-best national team in Asia, #99 overall by FIFA. They had a scoreless draw with Syria to open this stage.

RESULT:   Socceroos   0-3

Image result for letter B sexy

 

 

 

 

Number B- enticing you to join the question to be done with Number 2.

 

3. Leeds vs. Derby County – EFL Championship
  • UEFA league rank:                     n/a; second-tier league in England
  • Table positions:                        #1, #6
  • Teams promoted:                      3
  • Time of season:                          middle

Even as only England’s second-highest league, this is probably a top-15 league talent-wise in Europe. The top two teams will be Promoted to Premier League, with the next four having a playoff for one last slot.

Leeds still lead the league, but they’ve allowed it to be a tight race after losing two league matches in a row (and their recent FA Cup match as well). Both were road losses, but six goals conceded is bad against Nottingham and QPR.

Derby have kept their hopes afloat with a lot of draws of late. They don’t appear to have the defense to hold a top-six position, recently or over the season as a whole so far. Noob predicts a shootout today. First one to three goals wins!

RESULT:   Leeds   2-0

emblem

 

 

One of Noob’s all-time favorite crests.

So many design elements here give it a three-dimensional look.  This would make a fine ornamental piece.

 

4. Lobi Stars vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

If it seems like the last iteration of this tournament just ended, you’re not wrong. They’re moving from a Feb-Nov. timeframe to an Aug.-May format in 2019. So this 2018-19 version is the tweener, running Dec.-May.

The qualification round is done, and this is the first day of the Group Stage. Four pods of four clubs each compete in a double round robin for two slots each in the next, bracketed round.

Lobi won last year’s Nigerian Premier. This league is ranked #13 in Africa. Just a notch higher and they would’ve qualified the maximum two teams into this event. The Stars’ success is predicated more on defense than scoring.

The Sundowns are one of two teams from the #6-ranked South African Premier. Their league season is about halfway over. They;re in 4th place, but have 3-4 matches in hand over the teams above them. They’re also undefeated, though with lots of draws. They’re even more defensive-minded than Lobi.

If either teams scores, it will be Mamelodi. They should be considered a 1-2 goal favorite today.

RESULT:   Lobi   2-1

Image result for soccer compression socks funny

 

 

 

Soccer compression socks.

5. Mantab vs. Conaree – Saint Kitts and Nevis Premier
  • CONCACAF league rank:                 n/a; prolly not in the top few Caribbean                                                                             ones
  • Table positions:                                 #8, #5
  • Clubs relegated:                                  2
  • Time of season:                                   over 1/3 done

The winner of this league will probably qualify for the next Caribbean Club Shield – a new second-tier tournament for semi-pro and amateur clubs in that region. But neither of these two are likely to be vying for that.

Conaree aren’t bad, but don’t have the offense to nearly compete for international competition. Mantab are just trying to stay in the country’s top flite. The bottom two here will be demoted to First Division next season. Mantab couldn’t score even with the help of a map to the back of an opponent’s net. They’re above the cutline now, barely, and in real danger.

Fun-nish Fact:  Mantab’s home city of Basseterre – the SKN capital – has been destroyed seemingly countless times by war and natural disaster.

RESULT:   1-1

6. Somerset Trojans vs. Robin Hood – Bermuda Premier
  • CONCACAF league rank:               n/a; perhaps a little stronger than SKN
  • Table positions:                                last, first
  • Clubs relegated:                                2
  • Time of season:                                 middle

Undefeated Robin Hood are in a dead heat with Pembroke Hamilton for the league lead, tied on table points and goal differential. Noob tends to favor well-balanced teams like Robin Hood, but P.H. are the defensive stalwarts of the country.

Should be a fabulous title race, especially with wide-open styled X-Roads Warriors close in 3rd. Noob thinks this is one of the region’s fully professional leagues, which means they’ll be able to send up to two clubs to the Caribbean Club Championship.

Somerset have yet to win their first match. Their stats aren’t much worse than other bottom teams here, but they’re deep in last just the same. Defense is their undoing.

RESULT:   Robin Hood   3-5

Image result for somerset bermuda

 

 

Forget the footyball!

Noob’s down for learning that.

7. Tefana vs. Central Sport – Tahiti Ligue 1
  • OFC league ranking:                       n/a; probably about 4th INHO
  • Table positions:                              #4, #2
  • Stakes:                                                 top four make league playoffs, top two make                                                                  OFC CL
  • Time of season:                                almost halfway

Noob estimates this league’s strength based on guessing that national team and league strength probably corelate with smaller nations like these.

There’s actually a three-way tie for #B right now. Defending champs Central don’t bother with defense so much, but score like gangbusters in league.

Seven of the 10 league teams are very much in the hunt. It will be interesting to see if Tefana cam hang on to a spot. They’re well-balanced, but lack enough on offense to make Noob guess no. Manu Ura, more traditional powers Pirae or both will pass them eventually.

Fun Fact:  Tefana are one of two clubs to advance as far as the OFC CL final (2012).

RESULT:   2-2

8. Al Hilal vs. Al Raed – Saudi Pro League
  • AFC league ranking:                  #7
  • Table positions:                          #1, #9
  • Stakes:                                             top three make AFC CL
  • Time of season:                           middle

It’s not quite a two-horse race in Saudi Arabia, but it’s close to being such. Defending champs Al Hilal should be able to maintain their position atop the table hosting a midtable club.

Al Raed have overachieved to date this season. The second-worst offense in the league should be a lodestone around their necks that drags them down close to, if not into, the Relegation Zone.

RESULT:   1-1

WATCH: Al-Hilal supporters pull off freakishly good Mortal Kombat mosaic

 

 

Pretty cool “Mortal Kombat” mosaic the Hilal supporters pulled off.

9. Police vs. AS Kigali – Rwanda Premier
  • CAF league ranking:             unranked
  • Table positions:                    #5, #6
  • Stakes:                                       one berth in CAF CL
  • Time of season:                      almost halfway

Rwanda’s top flite may not be ranked at present, but they are slated to be #17 next version! That will still only be good enough for one league berth into the Champions League there though.

These two are all but out of the running. Police are nine points out of first in the table, still have maybe a glimmer of hope. Kigali are three points further back. Too many draws there. But for anyone to catch the top two, someone’s going to have to figure out how to score on them anyway. They’ve combined to allow just seven goals between them all season.

Fun Fact:  The Police F.C. manager’s first name is “Innocent”.

RESULT:   2-2

10. Adama Kenema vs. Dire Dawa City – Ethiopia Premier
  • CAF league ranking:              tied for #13
  • Table positions:                       #9, #10
  • Clubs Relegated:                       3
  • Time of season:                        earlyish

Like aforementioned Nigeria, Ethiopia’s league needs to climb just one more notch in the rankings to earn a second Champions League invitation. Neither of these clubs are likely to be there. They’re below average of the 16, making them slightly more likely candidates to to be Relegated.

Kenema’s going to be the better team, perhaps finish in the top half, given their offense. Dire Dawa will likely stay just where they are, scuffling along as they neither score many goals nor give up too many.

RESULT:   Adama   1-0

Image result for adama ethiopia funny

 

 

So long from Adama!

Adama University – cool building

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/3) soccer matches – USL playoffs, Liga MX, Premier League lead the way

Noob endeavors to both help us learn about American soccer and the sport from points around the globe, but also to make it weirdly funny throughout.

Saturdays are hardly devoid my inanity, but MAN are the matches but good.  USL playoffs, Liga MX, Premier League, and a bevy of #1-#B matches.

And resident prognosticator Noobstradamus pops in to share what he knows today!

  1. Orange County vs. Phoenix Rising – United Soccer League playoffs

It’s the Western Conference Final in America’s second division playoffs!

These were the West’s top two scoring clubs during the regular season, and they’ve scored a dozen goals between them in four postseason matches.   Look for a shootout, look for it on ESPN+ (10:00 PM EST).

Winners gets defending champs Louisville FC in the Final   Noob thinks the team with the better seed will host.  O.C. are #1, Phoenix #3.   LFC were #B in the East.

RESULT:   Phoenix   1-2

B.  Arsenal vs. Liverpool – English Premier League

Liverpool is one of the three remaining undefeated teams in the league.   Last year’s star Mo Salah isn’t scoring at nearly the record-breaking clip he did last year, and the goals aren’t being replace elsewhere.

This might be a game where they can break out, though.  Arsenal are in 4th, yet play shite for defense.   That may be hyperbolic.  But not by lots.

On a Noob note:  Tenured Noobites know the scorn I have for Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur.  Named for a two-time historical traitor.   And they name a club after him.  Heathens.

Arsenal is their primary rival.  Yet Noob doesn’t hold them in much higher esteem than any club Hotspur is playing on a given day.   Is Noob doing the soccer wrong?   You can comment on this Post or hit me up on Twitter – @SoccerNoobUSA.   (1:30 PM, NBC)

Image result for sir topham hatt cross

 

 

Interact with the Noob, or face the crossness

  1. Kashima Antlers vs. Persepolis – AFC Champions League

Time for another final!    This is the first match of a home and away two-legged tie.

Their domestic leagues are ranked closely together.   Japan’s J1 league is deeper than the Persian Gulf Pro League.  Noob would’ve guessed this meant the Iranians were to be favored.   But Noob’s fave site for Elo ratings (footballdatabase.com) is back up after a few scary days down.  It indicates these two are about perfectly equal.

Kashima play more quality competition.  But Persepolis plays fabulous defense.  Noob cannot handicap such an even-looking match!

It’s time to call on the prognostication powers of Ancient and All-Soccer Seeing Noobstradamus.

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

 

It’s strange when a vision takes hold, what seems clear and what is mist.  Even without the hanging scrolls dedicated to Takemikazuchi,  I would know this for Kashima Shinto Shrine.   

 

Kunii Zen’ya I were sparring in classic Kashima Shinryu fashion.  Our swords were appropriately thick bamboo, with large hilts.  The spiraling nature of the discipline’s movements had us starting and finishing in identical positions.  It was a dance, even as we strove to strike one another.

Motion and Stillness.  Origination and Manifestation.  We danced the beginnings of the Universe through the FiveFold laws.  Offense and Defense.  Emptiness and Reality.  Each pairing always as One, just as our whirring swords seems to be One as well.  Yin and Yang as One.  More clacking bamboo.

I let my concentration slip when one of the many birds on the torii we practiced under moved.  CLACK.  Kunii Zen’ya had perfect control of his weapon, specifically chose to strike a whip-fast blow to my sword-arm.  A lesson.  

I bent down to retrieve my own dropped sword when a scroll wafted down in front of me.  The bird had knocked it loose from its hanging, the distraction.

The Shinto teachers say birds are messengers of the gods.   The Scroll read, “Kashima 3, Persepolis 1.”

So shall it be, Noobites.  Unless it’s not.  That’s happened once or twice before.  Don’t bet the farm.   But that’s a true Vision.  Yeah.

RESULT:   Kashima   2-0           Well, got the winner and margin right, anyway.

4.  CF America vs. Toluca – Liga MX

CF America are finally on top of the Mexican top flite table.   Noob says “finally” because e they’ve only lost two matches, yet have been merely lurking just outside that position all Apertura (first half-season) long.   They’re tied with Santos on points, but ahead on tiebreaking goal differential.

Toluca are in 5th.   They were undefeated in September and looking like they could contend for the title until they dropped a 2-0 match to putrid Atlas to end the month.  They’re going to make the Liguilla (postseason, top eight-finish) just about no matter what happens these last three matches.  They’re base stats are nearly as good as CFA’s.

Perhaps Noob’s not allowing that Toluca simply fell asleep for what they thought would be a cakewalk with Atlas.  But with the half-seasons only being 17 matches each, I’d think teams would be on top of their s**t at all times.   (9:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Celtic vs. Hearts – Scottish Premiership

This isn’t one of Europe’s very strongest leagues, but they’re cracking the UEFA top 20 right now!  Also making this match intriguing is who’s #1 in the league right now.

In Noob’s admittedly brief time (a year and change doing this site), this league has always been about Celtic and Rangers.  And it may return to that again soon.  But for now, I’m enjoying seeing some new blood atop the table.  Thank you, Hearts.

Celtic are #B and will remain so no matter who this match turns out.  Both teams are well-balanced, but Celtic really are a shade better on both ends of the field.  At home, they should prevail, pull within a point of the league leaders.

RESULLT:   Celtic   5-0        Edsonne Edouard with a pair of scores

  1. Genk vs. Club Brugge – Belgium First Division A

Brought to you by the Dept. of Redundancy Department, it’s First Division A-time!

Perhaps Noob should not mock so.  It is the #8 league in UEFA, after all.  And lookit!   They brought is a shiny #1 versus #B matchup.  I know just where to display these in my blog-home.

Brugge are your defending champions, but it’s Genk who are undefeated.  Both score an absolute of crapton of goals, far more than any other clubs in this league.  See if you can find yourself an internet stream for this one.  And if their commentary available, let Noob know if the Belgians also enjoy non-standard measurements like “crapton”.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for silly man gif

 

 

David Schwimmer has the right of it.

  1. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Dynamo Kyiv – Ukraine Premier

No new blood atop the table here In the #8 league in Europe.  Yup!   And for being so awesome, they get two slots in the next Champions League.   Unless FC Olexandria continue to surprise, these two will be the recipients of those CL invites.

Donetsk lead #B D.K. by five.  Their 36 goals scored in just 13 matches is so outrageous Noob had to doublecheck.   That’s twice as many as D.K.

Dynamo Kiev do sport the league’s top defense, but barely.  Just above – you guessed it.   Donetsk.  But!  The Dynamo have beaten Donetsk in all three of their last matches.

RESULT:   Shakhtar   2-1        Come from behind win, with the winner being scored at 90′

  1. Atromitos vs. PAOK – Superleague Greece

last season, Atromitos finished 4th, just behind the historic “Big Three” in Greece.   That triumvirate is rarely cracked.  this season so far, They’re #B, and four points up on two of the giants.  Today, they host the other titan, current #1 PAOK, in a battle of the last two undefeated clubs here.

This league will get two CL berths.  Noob thinks the usual suspects are just to balanced to let an interloper like Atromitos stay there long.   Perhaps they can earn a draw at home today, keep the dream alive for another week or more.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for atromitos supporters riot

 

 

As always, the Vegas line on will their be rioting and police in gear to stop it is OFF.

  1. Astana vs. Kairat Almaty – Kazakhstan Premier

Our last leg here in Europe takes us down the table to a very average league, but one that is on the rise (#28).

This isn’t a terribly meaningful match, but the siren song of #1 vs. #B is too much for Noob.  The season is already almost done here.  Astana has wrapped up the title and K.A. are cemented at #B.   This is the way of things, at the very least of late, in Kazakhstan football.

RESULT:   Astana   3-2

  1. Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Shanghai SIPG – China Super League

We finish our Saturday Track with one more #1 versus #2.   China’s league gets the maximum two slots in the next Champions League, and these two are all but mathematically locked in.  And to no one’s surprise.  Perennial powerhouses.

But Evergrande only lead SIPG by two in the table, so the title is very much up for grabs!  And SIPG have beaten their guests today in three straight.  Neither team has lost since forever, except three weeks ago when SIPG beat G.E.

RESULT:    SIPG   4-5       SIPG Are now your league #1.    And did you know they have a player who simply goes by “Hulk”?

The Chen Clan's Academy.jpg

 

 

So long from Guangzhou!

The Chen Clan’s Ancestral Hall and folk art museum

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – Liga MX, Bundesliga, then off to see the world!

With the weekend imminent, league schedules run a little lighter on Fridays.  These are no Soccer Sabbaths though!

We find what league and Cup matches close to home are best, move on to Europe, South American, and then goodness knows where.  Usually, that’s anywhere in the world, far and wide!   Today, Noob keeps most of the focus on Europe.  We’ll be checking out some hot D2 action.

Matches with clubs you won’t see everywhere online, plus Fun Facts about them, their leagues and locales.  Takeoff time is now.  The stewardess is closing the first-class curtain.  Noobites are on the champagne side of it.

  1. Atlas vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Two Mexican top-tier matches today, and three of the involved teams are from the very bottom of the table.  Atlas are lowest of all, having yet to win a match this Apertura (first half-season).  That’ll happen when you’ve only managed to score once in all ten matches.

Toluca are the one good team in action there today, sitting pretty in 3rd place.  That makes this match a “Hiccup Watch”.   Even on the road, Toluca should cruise.  But will they rest usual starters?  Might they just prepare for this match as hard?  Hiccup.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Atlas   2-0     The nightmare is over!

B.  Hertha Berlin vs. Bayern Munich – Bundesliga

Bayern just dropped their first points of the season to bottom-half Augsburg.  For the rawest of Noobites, that means it’s the first match they didn’t win.  They’ll win most of them.  They had several stars not play, gave up the equalizing goal at 87’.

Hertha Berlin are the more interesting story.  Part of it, anyway.   Once you get past the top two in the table, there’s a host of teams just behind that were nowhere close last season.  Top four will make Champions League, and a couple clubs not used to such rarefied airs may well make it!

As for today’s match, Noob thinks HB are good for a draw, especially if Bayern are resting players or dealing with injuries already.   (2:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Hertha Berlin   2-0        A sloppy, overly-aggressive match from Bayern seems HB pull into a 1st-place tie with them

Image result for letter B in the sky

 

 

I don’t mean to nitpick, Number B.

But it’s not “rarefied air” if you’re in outer space.

  1. Sheffield Wednesday vs. Leeds United – English Championship

England’s top league, noob as read, has been or is ranked as high as #13 in all Europe.  Add in the massive amounts money teams get for getting Promoted from here to Premier and it’s interesting two ways.

Looking to make that jump are current #1 Leeds.  They were deficient last year on defense in particular, but have made massive strikes, allowing fewer than a goal per game average.  Sheffield are in 10th, and so just average.  Noob counts them as a goal-underdog at home.

Fun Fact:   In the early 20th C., a player presented Sheffield Wednesday  with a monkey to be used as a mascot.   The idea did not catch on.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Dundalk vs. UCD – FAI Cup (Ireland)

It’s a battle of league #1’s in this one-off Semifinal!   Dundalk lead the Premier while University College Dublin are tops in the First League.  They’re different league for a reason, no matter how strong the U. has been playing.  Dundalk by a pair.

Winners get the defending league and Cup champs Cork City, unless Bohemians defeat them.   Unlikely, but it’s a road match for the current trophy-keepers.

RESULT:   Dundalk   1-0

 

 

The town of Dundalk is closely tied to the mythological hero Cu Chulainn.

In story, he earned that name over his birthname after taking the place of a guardian dog he killed in self-defense.

  1. Viktoria Plzen vs. Sparta Prague – Czech First League

The Republic’s top league was getting close to a high enough UEFA ranking that they could’ve soon seen two clubs get Champions League invites.  Alas for them, they’re slipping from 13th to 17th in the rankings for 2019.

Still, this is a classic matchup for the country.  Sparta are undefeated, yet just #B in the table.  Viktoria Plzen are #3.  The latter’s goal differential looks a bit peakish, leading Noob to wonder if this league will be a two-horse race.  Already, Noob thinks they’re just an even match on their own pitch today.

Fun Fact:  Plzen’s best European finish was in 2013-14 when the qualified for Champions League and finished 3rd in the Group Stage.  After then getting dropped down to Europa League, they made the Round of 16.

RESULT:   Plzen   1-0

  1. Lens vs. Paris FC – France Ligue 2

Top two will be automatically Promoted to Ligue 1 at season’s end.  Next three will duke it out in a Playoff for one more to join them.  That’s where we find these two – #3 and #5.

Lens have made massive strides on defense since 2017-18 when they finished in the bottom half of the league.  Paris look about like they did last year, statistically anyway.  If that holds, they’ll be good, but not enough so to stay in the Promotion chase.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for sang et or

 

Lens fans will raise their scarves and sing sang et or – “blood and gold” – after the club colors.

  1. NEC Nijmegen vs. Go Ahead Eagles – Netherlands Eerste Divisie

The Netherland’s top league is poised to nearly crack the top ten in Europe.  This is the Dutch second division.

NEC finished 3rd in the regular season last year before losing in a Promotion Playoff.  They’re defense is really suspect this season though.  And #1 GHE may be the club that can expose them.  Top-notch goal-scoring.

Fun Fact:  NEC was founded by its towns workers, lowest socioeconomic class.  This was very rare, as Dutch football was a very elitist sport at the turn of the 20th C.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. BW Linz vs. FC Leifering – Austria 2. Liga

Teams here are vying to move up to the Austrian Bundesliga, rated the #11 league in UEFA.   Only the top one gets to make that move though.

Linz is #1 and one of just two realistic-looking candidates.  Leifering are #3, but haven’t yet shown the firepower probably necessary to vie for the league title.

RESULT:   BWL   2-1

Foto.Linzertorte.JPG

 

The “Linzer torte” was thought for a long time to be the oldest recipe cake in the world.

  1. Sektzia Nes Tziona vs. Hapoel Katamon Jerusalem – Israel  Liga Leumit

Israel’s Premier is on the decline, will be down several notches to #25 next year.  But hey, that’s still above average!  SNT are #3, HKJ #B.

All the clubs in the top 2/3 of the league appear to play about the same defensively.  These two are among three that can score at a fair clip on top of that.

The top two finishers will get Promoted to Premier.  Before that happens, the going will get tougher for clubs like these, as the league divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions.

Fun Fact:   The town of Ness Ziona was first known as “Wadi Channin”.

RESULT:    HJK   1-3

  1. Al-Wehdat vs. Al-Faisaly – Jordan Premier

At last, we head into Noob-uncharted waters!   Jordan’s top league – which you might just see as “The Jordan League” elsewhere soemtimes– is ranked 16th in Asia.  That’s about the 1/3 mark.  Just the winner will get into this federation’s Champions League.

Wehdat are the defending league champions.  No one could keep up with them on offense last year.   Or on defense.  But the difference was greater with the former.  Faisaly finished 3rd.  on the strength of their defense.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Al-Wehdat

 

Also known as Amman Refugee Camp, Al-Wehdat is a Palestinian refugee area.

’10 to Track’ Jetsetting Friday soccer matches – spanning the globe for footyball fun

Noob knows this is usually called “Globetrotting Friday”.  AND that “jetsetting” may not really be a word.   But we’re trying it on for size just the same.

With world scheds running a little lighter right before the weekend proper, Noob uses it as a chance for us to soccer-sightsee!  Let’s check out some local matches of import, than hit the tarmac and head for soccer hinterlands.

  1. LA Galaxy vs. LAFC – Major League Soccer

Rivalry Week!  “El Trafico”.  Los Angeles.  The Holy Spirit.  Soft sheets.  Counting.  Science.  Foodstuffs.

Whoa.  Noob started just free-associating there.   No belief in the necessity for editing here.

Better believe that the Galaxy need to get it together though.  They’ve been in a softer stretch of schedule this month and are not getting it done.  No wins in four matches has them tied for 5th.  The Remember: Only the top six in each conference get into the Playoffs.

LAFC are in 3rd, having recovered from their own tailspin.  Home cooking against Colorado and Real Salt Lake was tasty.

If the Galaxy are going to pull it together to stay afloat for a postseason, perhaps they should find a consistent lineup and formation on defense.  They’ve started wholly different folks and moved some around every match of late.

Perhaps Noob shouldn’t question Sigi Shmid – who has the most coaching wins in MLS history.  But he can come to me if he has an issue with it.   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT:   1-1       Zlatan got a goal in the first half, and should’ve been given a second yellow and sent off later.  Shenanigans!

Image result for twizzle la galaxy mascot

 

 

 

Fun Fact:   This is Twizzle, the original Galaxy mascot.

His replacement is a less humanoid-looking guy named Cozmo.

B.  Atlas vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX

Guadalajara was so bad last season, Mexico’s football federation changed the rules concerning promotion and relegation just to make sure this big money club didn’t get stuck down in the Ascenso league.  They’re looking much better, average early this season.  9th place currently.

Atlas.  Noob would chastise you not winning a game yet.  But before we can even get to that stage, score a goal.  Their next will be their first of 2018-19.  And it’s not like the defense is any good, either.  I waggle my finger at you, Atlas.   (10:00 PM, Unimas)

RESULT:   Guad Squad   0-1

Image result for letter B map

 

 

Not bad, Number B!    Looking atlas page-y today.

  1. Queretaro vs. Necaxa – Liga MX Femenil

Perhaps the gals of Necaxa could lend Atlas some advice.  After all, they’ve scored this season.  Once…

Now, Queretaro actually find the back of the net more than once per match on average.  But if they’re going to be anything but low-end mediocre, they’ve got to stop giving up almost three game.  What’s Spanish for “oof dah”?

Fun Fact:   One older translation of “Queretaro” is “island of blue salamanders”.  Odd-seeming, for an area in the middle of the country.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Motagua vs. Portmore United – CONCACAF League

The winner of this tournament gets into the CONCACAF Champions League.  The participants are all from Central America and the Caribbean subregions.  The matchups are all two-legged ties, and they’re in the Quarterfinals now.

Honduras’ top entrant is Motagua.  Last Round, they put the kibosh hard on Costa Rica’s Santos de Guapiles.  Portmore qualified by finishing third in the Jamaican Premier.  In the Round of 16, they squeaked by Belmopan Bandits out of Belize.

Even the rawest of Noobites will surely recognize Motagua is a heavy favorite, especially at home here in the first match of the tie.

RESULT:    Motagua   3-2       The hosts went up 2-0 in the first half, then had to get a second goal from Juan Pablo Montes at 90’+5 to win.

C.D. Motagua badge.png

 

 

Frustrating Fact:   Darn birds are always stealing soccer balls!

  1. Bayern Munich vs. TSG Hoffenheim – Bundesliga

The opening match of Germany’s season!  And we get a shiny one.  Bayern ran away with the league title last season.  They scored half again as many goals are 3rd-place TSG and gave up only half as many goals.  But it’s a new year, and if any club can make a contender’s claim, it’s the visitors today.   (2:30 PM, FS1)

Fun Fact:  In the 1990’s. Bayern was given the nickname “FC Hollywood”, as they were not playing well but the players were all over the tabloids.

RESULT:   Bayern   3-1

  1. Middlesbrough vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Championship

To England!  No Premier League action today, but the lone ECL match includes a club that was just demoted from there last year.  West Brom didn’t average even a goal per game in finishing last.

Middlesbrough made a run last year at getting Promoted up to Premier status.  They finished 5th in the league, got to play in a fo- team mini-tournament for the right to advance.  For second division, their offense was very good and their defense even a little better.  They’ll be in the running for Promotion again in all likelihood.

RESULT:   Middlesbrough   1-0

Image result for Middlesbrough fc female supporters

 

Fun Fact:   Middlesbrough have one of the highest percentage female fan bases in all England.

  1. CIE Ranch vs. University College Dublin FC – FAI Cup (Ireland)

Ireland’s FA Cup is in its Second Round, and here we have a battle of 1st-place squads.  UCD lead the countries second division league by four points.   But these Cups are all about finding Minnows, underdogs to root for!

CIE Ranch play In the Leinster Senior League., which is all greater Dublin-clubs.  Noob thinks this puts them in the third tier in the country, if they play in the top division within that league.  Theirs is the Sunday Premier division, so it likely is.  And they lead it by seven points, on the backs of their leading defense.

Ultimately, we’re talking about pros – even the collegiate UCD ones – versus amateurs.  Still, goooOOOO Fighting Inchicorians!  (Did Noob get the suburban demonym correct?)

Morbid Fact:   The jail in or near Inchicore is where the leaders of the historic Easter Rising were executed.

RESULT:   UCD   2-6       Weird match!   The Ranch actually went up 2-0 early!  UCD got one back still in the first half.    Then at 75′, a Ranch’er got a red card.  You can see what happened after that.

  1. Kopetdag Asgabat vs. Energetik – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

Turkmenistan’s top league is halfway down the Asian rankings.  That’s deep enough that they don’t even get an automatic entry into the next AFC Champions League.

Not that these two would get it anyway.  They’re 7th and 4th (of eight) halfway or so through the league season.  Good thing there’s no Relegation in this league.  Asgabat can’t score a lick.

RESULT:   Energetik   0-1

Image result for kopet dag mountains

 

 

Fun Fact:  Ashgabat is the city name, while Kopet Dag are the mountains seen here.

  1. Ventspils vs. Riga FC – Latvia Higher League

It’s a tie for #B in table in UEFA’s 41st-ranked league.  Hey – they’re playing.   On Fridays, these are the fun ones for Noob.

RFS – the city of Riga’s top team – is likely hoping these two will just draw.  They lead both by seven in the table.  FC play small ball, so if they can control the pace, a 0-0 tie is certainly a reasonable expectation.  Ventsplis relies a little more on their own D than goal-scoring as well.

Fun Fact:  Venstspils is the wealthiest city in the country, thanks to its ice-free port on the Baltic sea.

RESULT:   Riga FC   0-1

  1. Floriana vs. Silema Wanderers – Malta Premier

Just a couple notches further down the European league rankings we find Malta.   This match doesn’t carry quite the importance in the standings as Latvia’s featured match, but it’s no less fun to go exploring.

The Maltese league season is just starting anew.  Last year, these two were 6th and 7th place.  That said, there was a fair bit of a gap between them in points, and a larger one in GD.  If their relative strengths remain the same, Floriana should have more than enough firepower to get the W today.

RESULT:   Silema   0-1

Image result for jason derulo funny

 

So long from Noob and Jason Derulo!

Floriana the town has hosted MTV Europe’s “Isle of MTV” festival 11 years running.”  Derulo will headline this year.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – spanning the globe for soccer-ness

Fridays are a little light on the world scheds, so Fridays here at Noob we steal Samsonite’s luggage and head off to see the world!

As always, the Track will start at or close to home, then it’s off to footyball hinterlands of wonder.

Please don’t forget to check back for results, follow on Twitter at SoccerNoobUSA.  And in the name of all that’s holy, stop assuming the drink cart carries absinthe.

  1. Houston Dash vs. Washington Spirit – National Women’s Soccer League

Just top the four from the NWSL make the playoffs.  Washington are long-since eliminated.  7th-place Houston is just four points behind 4th-place Orlando.  That’s a lot of teams to have to leapfrog, but hope lives.

The Dash have been winning and losing every other match like clockwork for weeks.  If pattern holds, they’re due for a loss today.  But the Spirit have lost seven in a row.  And they score only about goal every other game on average.  And they’re really bad.  And they won’t win today.

But Noob roots against you, Houston Dash?  Why?

RESULT:   Houston   4-0

Image result for daft to build a castle in a swamp

 

You can’t build cities on swamps and expect good things.

B.  Atlas vs. Monarcas Morelia – Liga MX

Little Billy Donovan from Springfield writes:

Dear Mr. Noob,

I’m in grade school and I can count.  Well. 

So, what is up with never using a Number Two and putting in Number B instead?

First of all, Little Billy, thanks for being a great Noobite.  No questions are dumb here, because Noob doesn’t anthropomorphize sentences.

Depending on how one chooses to look at it, Number Two has been the victim or instigator of problems people have when listing off points for time immemorial.   Say someone’s having an argument and trying to logically list points.  So often, things spin out of control:

“Why am I leaving your sorry ass??  One!   You always leave the toilet seat up.  B!  You never answer my texts within 0.45 seconds when you’re at work.  Three!  You –

     — Ha!   You can’t even make a list right.  You went ‘One’ and then ‘B’ as if you’d labeled your first point ‘A’.  So fine, leave!  You’re a dysfunctional albatross around my neck anyway.”

See the issue, Billy?  So Noob says, “Why not just replace Number Two with Number B In all lists, permanently and forever?”  More, Noob doesn’t likely need to tell a grade schooler of all people about the negative connotation of “Number Two”.  So –

1, B, 3, 4, etc. when it comes to lists.    But Noob’s not crazy.  Still count normally in non-list contexts.   You would still say, “I have two apples in my Grizzly Adams lunchbox”.

RESULT:   Morelia   0-1

Image result for grizzly adams lunch box

  1. Birmingham City vs. Swansea City – English Championship

No English Premier League matches today doesn’t mean we can’t get our British footyball fix.  Though this is equal part Welsh, thanks to Swansea.  They were Relegated after last season.  They couldn’t kick a ball and hit the broad side of a barn.

Birmingham City was on the fringe of Relegation discussions last year themselves.  Opposite problem.  Second-worst defense in the ECL.

But it’s a new season, and everyone will dream of climbing back up to the Premier League and the bajillions of tv dollars that come with it.

Fun Fact:   Birmingham were the first English club to play in European competition, losing to Barcelona in the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup of 1956.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Schweinfurt 05 vs. Schalke 04 – Germany FA Cup

Most anywhere else Noobites will find this game written about, the tournament will be referred to as “DFB-Pokal”.   The tournament participants are of a strange makeup to me.  All the clubs from the top two leagues.  That makes sense.  Only four from the third-tier league.  But then 24 teams come out of lower, regional divisions.

Schweinfurt is one of the last group.  They play out of the Bayern Regional League, which is fourth-tier.  They finished second in it last season.  They qualified for this event by winning the Bayern Cup tournament.

And today they get last year’s #B team from Bundesliga.  At least they had enough luck to get to host the match.  Minnows are fun to root for, but Schalke by two today.

RESULT:   Schalke   0-2

Willy Sachs Stadion 001.jpg

 

Schweinfurt play at Willy-Sachs Stadion.

Sometimes jokes are too easy.  Noob chooses to exercise a little grace.

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

Africa’s CL is in it’s Group Stage still.   The 16 remaining teams are divided into pods of four, in which they play double-round robins.  All winners and runners-up advance to the Knockout Stage.

Wydad are the defending champions and lead their current Group.  They are a Noob-fave because of their unique name, being for a famous Egyptian actress-singer.  Which is odd, given that the team is in Morocco.

Mamelodi are out of South Africa’s Premier League.  They’re tied with a Guinean team for #B in the Group right now, though they lead on away-goal tiebreaker.  By rating (footballdatabase.com), this would be a very even matchup on a neutral pitch.  The defending titlists have to be favored on their home pitch today.

RESULT:   Wydad   1-0

  1. Martizburg United vs. Kaizer Chiefs – South Africa Premier

So let’s move cross-continent in our Globetrotting!   South Africa’s Premier is 5th-rated on the continent.  It’s also getting the 2018-19 season started.

These two finished 4th and 3rd in last year’s edition, narrowly missing out on the two CL berths afforded the country.  It will be especially interesting to see if Chiefs can stay near the table’s top again.  Based on goal differential, they overachieved, and only had an average offense at best.

RESULT:   0-0

Please enjoy this musical interlude from the U.K.’s Kaiser Chiefs.

  1. JS Saoura vs. MC Oran – Algeria Ligue 1

Algeria’s top flite ranks 4th in Africa, so we’re still seeing major quality on our trek today.

JS Souara may also get Tracked sooner or later for being in the current CAF Champions League, as they finished #B in this league last season.  MC Oran came in at fourth, but never truly threatened.  They score almost at will, but Noob’s not sure they play a goalie based on the numbers.

Fun Fact:   Saoura are based in the town of Meridja.  That’s Arabic for “little swamp”.

Didn’t we just cover how we feel around here about Swamp Cities.  Bad urban planning!  Down with them and the teams that inhabit them!

RESULT:   Saoura   2-0

  1. Deportivo Maipu vs. Temperley – Copa Argentina

It’s the Round of 32 now in this single-match Knockout FA Cup.  Maipu play in Torneo Federal A, one of the nation’s two third-tier leagues.  Temperley got mercifully Relegated out of the Premier last year.

Maipu host today.  They’ve also already beaten Chacarita Juniors, another team that got booted down to second-division last season.  Minnow watch!

RESULT:   Temperley   0-4

Image result for Argentinian wine rack

 

Maipu are known as “los Botelleros” – “the wine racks”.

Weird.  But Noob likes malbecs ok, so ok.

  1. Skenderbau Korce vs. Partizani Tirana – Albania Superliga

The 34th-ranked league in UEFA, really Noob?  Oh yes.  There’s a special reason for this inclusion.

Skenderbau, in March, was banned for 10 years from international UEFA competitions.  They had to forfeit their spot in the current Champions League to Kukesi.  This is the stiffest penalty ever handed out.  Match-fixing was the issue.

Applying mathematical algorithms to gambling patters is a or perhaps THE big new way match-fixing is discovered now.  Skenderbau are fighting the ban, and it will be fascinating to see just how accepted the methodology is.

RESULT:   S.K.   1-0

  1. Buxoro vs. Lokomotiv – Uzbekistan Super League

We take out rest from jet-setting at last in Asia.  This is the 10th-best league there.  As such, they will receive two berths into the next AFC Champions League.

Lokomotiv aren’t quite in line for one, but they’re threatening – tied for 3rd.  Buxoro are in 5th, not likely to make a big move.  Negative GD, and they have particular trouble putting the ball in the back of nets.  In the table, they’re problem is a lack of draws.  They actually have more losses than most teams in the entire league.

RESULT:   Lokomotiv   0-1

Image result for buxoro funny

 

So long from the “old town” of Buxoro!

(As if the whole town isn’t ancient.  People living there for 5000+ years.)

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – from the US of A to sporting hinterlands the world over!

Fridays tend to run a little light for soccer scheduling the world over, so this our opportunity to explore the footyball world!  As always, Noob starts off at and close to home.  Then, we check our bags tarmac-side and jetset off to locations the world over!   Let’s expand our horizons, Noobites.

  1. Ottawa Fury vs. Tampa Bay Rowdies – United Soccer League

Major League Soccer isn’t back post-All-Star break until tomorrow, so today we have just a pair of division two matches in the homeland.  This one is a bit heavier in playoff implications.

The top eight in each conference will make the postseason.  These two are tied for 9th and tied for 11th, respectively.  Noob’s particularly intrigued for two reasons:  1) Based on goal differential, these two ought to be switched places in the table.  B)  They’re two of the clubs from North American Soccer League.  The one-time co-second division league cancelled it’s 2018 season after not getting DII sanctioning from USSF, and currently is targeting a 2020 return to action.

Fun Fact:   When their current stadium was behind in completion, Ottawa competed at Carleton College.

RESULT:   Ottawa   2-0     The Fury climb into a tie for 7th

B.  Atlas vs. UNAM Pumas – Liga MX

After finishing 8th and making the postseason Liguilla in the 2017-18 Apertura (first half-season), they sunk to 15th and sported the worst defense in the league in the Clausura.

UNAM went completely the other direction, going from last place to 7th by improving their offense a ton.  They’ve won their first to matches of 2018-19, too.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Pumas   0-3     Atlas was down to ten men after a red card 20′ in

Image result for letter B fox

 

 

Number B knows Atlas are “The Foxes”.

And that Number Two must go down HARD.

  1. Waterford vs. Cork City – League of Ireland Premier

Eire’s is a two-horse race and has been for some time.  Cork trail Dundalk by just a point in the table as they hit the home stretch of their season.  They can’t afford a slip before playing the league leaders later this month, and this is the most like match where that could happen.

Waterford had a great run the first half of the season, but have fallen back to a distant 3rd.  Two clubs will get Europa League berths, though.  The Irish Blues are in line for one now, but Noob thinks Shamrock Rovers will overtake them.

Fun Fact:  Waterford the crystal-making company makes the NCAA college football trophy.

RESULT:   1-2   Cork     Waterford scores first, but Cork triumphs.  

  1. Reading vs. Derby County – EFL Championship

If these teams are of the same relative strengths as last season, this may not be a “big” match.   But England’s second division league is probably in the top 15 in Europe in strength.  And Derby Co. finished 6th last season, making the Promotion Playoffs.  Meanwhile, reading finished 20th, not far above the Relegation line.

This is the first league match of the season.  Welcome back, British footyball!

RESULT:   Derby Co.   1-2      Derby Co with the winner in the 90′

Image result for huntley and palmers

 

 

Fun Fact:  This company was originally based in Reading, and so the football team were known as “The Biscuit Men”.

 

  1. Hamburger SV vs. Holstein Kiel – 2. Bundesliga

Germany’s second-tier kicks off today as well.  Hamburger was demoted last season from the top league, while H.K. made the Promotion Playoffs before losing at the end and having to stay down.  Holstein led this league in offense last year, scoring over 70 goals.

Fun – Unless You’re an HSV Supporter – Fact:   This marks the first time HSV has played anywhere but the top Bundesliga.  There was rioting and stuff.

RESULT:   Holstein Kiel   0-3

  1. Dynamo Kyiv vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – Ukraine Premier

Last year’s #B and #1 faced off in the domestic Super Cup just days ago.  Kyiv won that glorified friendly, but now things are for real as league plays begins.  A little more offense and Kyiv could’ve perhaps taken the title last year.

Since this – the 8th-ranked league in Europe – gets two Champions League berths, one might think it doesn’t matter which one wins.  It matters.  They want hardware.

RESULT:   Dynamo   1-0

Image result for Spartak Moscow Dinamo Kyiv

 

 

Fun Fact:  During the Soviet era, Dinamo Kyiv (not another Moscow team) was Spartak Moscow’s greatest rival.

  1. Huracan vs. Atletico Tucuman – Copa Argentina

This is a Round of 32 match in Argentina’s knockout-formatted FA tournament.

These two finished last year’s Primera league season #4 and #15.  Their offensive and defensive numbers were very similar, though, so this should be an exquisite matchup.  The winner will get either fellow top-leaguers Newell’s Old Boys or a third division team in the next round.

Stinky Fact:  One of Huracan’s nicknames is “The Burners”, since the current stadium is built on a former garbage-burning site.

RESULT:   Tucuman   0-2

  1. Troyes vs. Brest –France Ligue 2

Back to Europe!  Troyes was kicked out of the French top flite after finishing second-to-last.  Brest finished 5th in this league, getting to play in the Promotion playoff.  The two teams that were Promoted were light years better on offense then everyone else, but Brest excelled to a degree in that regard as well.

RESULT:   Brest   0-2

Image result for lacoste logo

 

 

Fun Fact:   The city of Troyes is home to the Lacoste clothing and fashionwear company.

  1. Floridsdorfer vs. Kapfenberger – Austrian 2. Bundesliga

The other white schnitzel – Austria’s Bundesligas. OK, maybe that doesn’t make sense.  Noob acknowledges it before The Management interrupts to call me out.

This league has been expanded from 10 to 16 teams this season.  As the season begins today, this is the one matchup involving two teams that were both in this league last season.  They finished 8th and 9th.  Floridsdorfer may really have been the worst team in the league, statistically, but no one got Relegated, so oh well!

Fun Fact:   Floridsdorfer is the northernmost district of Vienna.   it is a comparatively rural area, being composed of previously unconnected villages.

RESULT:   Kapfenberger    0-2

  1. Dinamo Tbilisi vs. Rustavi – Georgia Erovnuli Liga

We finish today’s Track in Georgia’s best league, though it ranks just 46 of 55 in UEFA.   It’s what Friday’s are for!

As one might expect, only the winner will get an invitation to Champions League (and just the First Qualifying Round at that).  Dinamo is #B, just five points out of 1st just over halfway through the season.  Saburtalo Tbilisi aren’t any better on GD, so this should be a dandy of a second half race.

RESULT:   Dinamo   1-0

Image result for tbilisi georgia

 

So long from Tbilisi, Georgia! 

The Bridge of Peace connects the old and new city districts.

’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches – all the best from America, Mexico, UEFA, CAF CL

It won’t belong now until the big European leagues are in full swing and Noob likely expands back to doing separate Tracks for Saturday and Sunday.

For this weekend though, the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – the best from our soccer perspective span both days.

That’s my way of saying these weekend is all trim meat, Noobites.  Slice of piece of the grade-A soccer.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

KC spent most of the first half of the season leading the Western Conference, but now Dallas is on top (and LAFC is #B).  The difference.  KC has given up two or more goals in five straight matches, not winning any of them.

Dallas, meanwhile, have only conceded four in their last five games.   (And they won the one where they allowed multiple goals.)  Dallas’ defense is only surpassed league-wide by New York Red Bulls.  Jesse Gonzalez is their netminder and a title run is likely If he keeps playing at this level.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Dallas   2-3     Michael Barrios with all three Dallas goals

Image result for Jesse Gonzalez FC Dallas

 

Jesse likes cold drinks, hot Texas nights, and wearing Mickey Mouse goalie gloves on dates.

His number is…

B.  Montreal Impact vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

And now to the East!

Impact haven’t lost in their last seven times out, pushing into the Playoff picture (5th place).  Noob’s betting they won’t stay there.  Their defense has been more than suspect on the season, though better lately.  It’s helped them into two four-game losing streaks in 2018 so far.

Atlanta are #1, and that’s some tough business with both New York teams breathing down their necks.  Josef Martinez is their offensive star.  Noob mentions him again because he scored all three scores in their last match and win against D.C. United!   (7:00 PM, ESPN+, Fox Sports Southeast)

RESULT:   Atlanta   1-2    Ueber-star Josef Martinez with two goals

Image result for letter B star

 

Number B thinks himself a star.

But has he replaced numeral 2 in your hearts?

He should.

  1. Benfica vs. Juventus – International Champions Cup

Fans at Red Bull Arena certainly have been hoping to see Italian league champs’ new acquisition in action – world’s greatest Cristiano Ronaldo.   Sadly, he won’t be involved today though.  Benfica had won four Portuguese Primeira titles in a row before missing the mark last year.

It’s hard to handicap events in this tournament, since reserves may start or get substantial playing time as teams tune up for domestic leagues with the friendlies that make up this tournament.  Both teams won the first of the three matches they’ll each play in this event.   (1:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Juventus   1-1  /  2-4 pk

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Sky Blue FC – National Women’s Soccer League

New Jersey’s Sky Blue FC have lost four in a tow and have yet to win a match all season.  They’ve allowed a dozen goals in their last for matches, all losses.

Despite losing only once in their last seven outings, Chicago are in 5th place, just outside the Playoff picture.  A likely win today will vault then all the way to 3rd though.

Sky Blue FC forward Nadia Nadim (9) celebrates her goal against the Houston Dash.

 

SBFC’s Nadia Nadim celebrates a goal.

Maybe someday she’ll get to celebrate a W.

  1. CF America vs. Atlas – Liga MX

Atlas is the city of Guadalajara’s “other team”, as the headliners there are Club Deportivo Guadalajara (Chivas).  Last Clausura (second half-season), Atlas actually outperformed their rivals.  That said, the two were just 15th and 17th place, respectively.

Liga MX is just starting it’s 2017-18 season.  But if things remain similar to last year, America’s defense should be able to get the three points today.   (8:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   CFA   3-0    Guido Rodriguez nets a pair

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. Horoya AC – CAF Champions League

Ah, Wydad, Noob’s Moroccan favorite!  Only club I’ve found named for an actress/singer.  Or either one.  If either is a fan of the sport, maybe someday we’ll have a Club Timberlake or Joe Jonas FC…

Aaaanyway, Wydad are the defending champions of Africa’s CL.  Horoya qualified out of the unheralded top-flight league in Guinea. This event is in its Group Stage.  These two and South Africa’s Mamelodi Sundowns are all tied for 1st out of the four teams in this Group.  Also, they all earned just draws against one another in their first matches in the Round Robin. After tiebreakers, the table goes Sundowns, Horoya, Wydad.

On paper, there shouldn’t be any reasonable way to expect Horoya to compete with Wydad.  But they play the matches on grass, not paper.  That would be weird and crumply-noisy probably.   (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:    Wydad   2-0

Image result for paper soccer players

 

 

 

What witchcraft is this??

 

 

Sunday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Australia – Tournament of Nations

To whom can Noob write a strongly-worded letter about the boring and yet still misleading name for this event?  It’s not wrong, but there are just four teams participating.  Granted, these are really good national teams.

And so, reminder:  This is essentially a tournament of glorified friendlies.  With Women’s World Cup next year, this can be considered a tune-up for that.  They’re playing a round robin, no additional round.

#1 FIFA-ranked U.S.A. beat #6 Japan 4-2 in their first match, in which Alex Morgan netted a hat trick (three goals).  #8 Australia (“the Matildas”) pulled the minor upset over #7 Brazil 3-1 in theirs.  Those matches were in Kansas City.  Both matches today are being played in East Hartford Connecticut, at UConn’s home field.   (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Lyon – women’s International Champions Cup

Another four-team event, all matches being played at Miami Gardens.  Noob doesn’t know enough yet to say that NC’s victory over Paris Saint-Germain was an upset or now.  Courage are easily the best American women’s team.  PSG is the secondary power in perhaps Europe’s top league.

Today, NCC get the real test.  Lyon as won three straight World Cup’s, and their own league 12 straight seasons.  Noon suspect’s the Courage will need even more than a career day from Alex Morgan.  Their other big star is Rapinoe, who also scored in the win over PSG.   (9:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Courage   1-0

Image result for alex morgan funny

 

 

And when you score three goals in a match, you can rock whatever coif you want.  Right, Ms. Morgan?

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Orlando City – Major League Soccer

At time of this writing, Real Salt Lake is in action.  By the time some of reading this, they may have passed the Galaxy for 4th.  No matter what happens there, what a turnaround it’s been for the home team today.

Noob featured the Galaxy on Thursday.  “El Trafico” – the intracity rivalry match with LAFC – ended 2-2.  LAFC stormed back with two very late goals.  Will Zlatan & Co. be able to rev up after that derby?

Will it matter?  9th-place Orlando stink out loud.  This is good, right and appropriate.  The Management and Noob consider it a priority to espouse the evils of bad urban planning.  Nothing – NOTHING – good can ever come from building a city on a swamp.   (9:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Galaxy   4-3

  1. UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

It’s early in this league’s new season.  These are two teams that made last year’s playoffs for the Clausura (second-half season).  OK.

What Noob really can’t stop thinking about is how embarrassed I should be about the fact that I didn’t know until I started covering soccer that Tijuana is spelled without an A before the J.  That pronunciation is cited as common and perfectly acceptable.  Still, Noob feels more shame heaped upon shame.  Just thought I would’ve picked up that there was a phantom sound in there long before now.   (7:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

Image result for shame funny

 

 

Use the phrase “chromosomally-challenged”.    It’s more PC.

  1. Cruziero vs. Sao Paulo – Brazil Serie A

To be a truly knowledgeable soccer citizen of the world. gotta follow Brazil.  South America’s best.  Sorry, Argentina.

Six clubs from here will qualify automatically for the Copa Libertadores Group Stage next year.  Cruziero are in 6th now, despite struggling a little on offense for a top club.  Noob would say their just-OK defense won’t make up for that lack, but they had similar stat lines a year ago and finished 5th.

Sao Paulo just keep continuing to surprise.  They’re #B in the league now, after a dismal 13th-place finish last year.  They’ve shored up their defense some.  Not enough to maintain a spot quite this high in the table for the whole season, but they sure look CL-bound at the very least.    (3:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Sao Paulo   0-2

  1. MLS Homegrown vs. UANL U20 – MLS All-Star week

The MLS All-Star game will be on Aug. 1 in Atlanta.  This game is a lead-in, and in some ways maybe the more interesting affair.

Noob’s not exactly sure how MLS defines a “homegrown” player.  Could mean that the player is a U.S. native, or refer to anyone who came through an MLS soccer youth academy.  Or both, or neither, or involve some other variable.  Think I’m on the right track though, roughly.

They’ll be taking on UANL Tigres Under-20 team, their Mexican league’s champions.   This is matchup is part of a broad, multi-year partnership effort between America and Mexico to promote and develop the youth game.

Players to watch and who have been in this before are Kellyn Acosta from FC Dallas, New York Red Bulls’ Tyler Adams, and Justen Glad who plays for Real Salt Lake.   (8:30 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1    Mexican kid got a red card at 78′, just a minute after his team got the equalizer.

Image result for Lil Jon soccer

 

So long, from Noob and ATL soccer fan Lil Jon.

A-what?  Okay.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches – midweek edition: Our Cups runneth over

Our “ten most important games to track for us, the newish American soccer fans”, hits its midweek stride.  Cups, all Cups, all the time!  Well, almost.  You’ll see, Noobites.

Tuesday, 2/6

  1. Swansea City vs. Notts County – English FA Cup

It’s down to Replays in the Round of 32.  Four of the matches ended in draws, and so get played over at the other team’s home pitch.  This time, they’ll play extra time, do penalty kick shootouts to determine winners if need be.

Swansea’s having a dilemma.  They need to remain focused, save their best players’ energy for Premier League games.  They’re in a three-way tie for the first two Relegation Zone slots in the table.  Could this open the door today for League Two (fourth-tier) Notts Co.?

RESULT:   Swansea   8-1      Not a typo.

B.  Yeovil Town vs. Fleetwood Town – EFL Trophy

A reminder of what this event is:  a knockout tournament like the FA Cup, but with only League One and Two (third and fourth-tier) teams, plus Academy teams affiliated with clubs from the top two leagues.

This is the last Quarterfinal match, and Noob’s on fire for this one!   Yeovil is Noob-adopted and Fleetwood Town is Noob-Reviled.  Never before have I had two of these statuses face off in a featured T2T match.

Yeovil is having a garbage season in League Two.  Fleetwood is faring similarly, but up in League One.  Noob doesn’t care that Fleetwood Mac is not named for this club’s town.  Anything that makes me think of Stevie Nicks is worthy of scorn!   After Yeovil prevail, Noob will start a podcast just to belt out “Yeovil True” for the world!!

RESULT:   Yeovil   3-2    Winning goal in the 90′!

Image result for ease up funny

 

 

Fleetwood pokes and prods me in ways you cannot imagine, Noobites.

  1. Celaya vs. Atletico se San Luis – Copa MX

Just as the Mexican leagues’ season is broken up into two wholly separate tournaments, so they also have to Copa.  Only clubs from the top two divisions compete, and these two are both from the second-tier Ascenso.

Here in the Group Stage, the competing clubs are in pods of just three, and they play Double Round Robins.  All three teams in this Group have earned three points in two matches, and are even tied on goal differential.  Celaya won the Apertura, and so should be favored by plenty at home.

RESULT:   Celaya   1-0

  1. Paderborn vs. Bayern Munich – DFB-Pokal (German FA Cup)

This is a Quarterfinal match as well.  One doesn’t have to go far back at all historically to find Paderborn playing in the top division.  For now, though, they’re winning the third-tier division.  Naturally, they have their hands full and then some with Bundesliga #1 Bayern.

RESULT:   Bayern   0-6      Also not a typo.

Image result for hands full funny

 

 

Good LAWD!  Dan the Intern-o Inferno, are you still watching “The Path” on Hulu?   Did it take such an unholy turn as this?

  1. Chennaiyin vs. Bengaluru – Indian Super League

#B hosts #1 in what Noob thinks of as India’s “promotional” league.  India’s federation felt it needed a separate league from their co-top flight I-League for reasons that elude me.  But we’re down with more footyball!

The top four will make the league playoffs.  Bengaluru should be safe, four points up on the pack.  A road win here would seal it.  They have the better offense, but Chennaiyin play every bit as good of defense.

RESULT:   Bengaluru   1-3

Wednesday, 2/7

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Newport County – English FA Cup

League Two Newport Co. held on for a 1-1 draw in their first match with Reviled Hotspur.  All this has earned them is a chance to try again, but this time at Wembley.  Sadly for Noob, they’ll be doing well to keep within two goals of the Traitorously-Named Ones.

RESULT:   Hotspur   2-0

Image result for evil harry hotspur

 

 

 

Harry “Hotspur” Percy even  STOOD on PUPPIES!

  1. Atlas vs. Tampico Madero – Copa MX

All three teams in this Group are tied in the table with two matches to go.  Ascenso side Tampico Madero could be strong enough to get promoted to the top flight at season’s end.  That likely won’t help them on the road against better-than-average Liga MX Atlas.

RESULT:   Tampico Madero   1-2

  1. Atlletico Nacional vs. Millonairos – Colombia Primera A Final

OK, so Noob’s confusion is now mostly resolved.  Previously, it had been unclear to me just what this was.  My instinct was right and it’s essentially a Super Cup, common to so many leagues, pitting the top two sides from the previous year in a preseason exhibition.

The first match of this two-legged tie went scoreless, so the winner today wins…well, a trophy Noob supposes.

RESULT:   Millonarios   1-2

Image result for Colombia is boring

 

 

Um, hey. Juana – the game’s on…

Lucas, watch out for Harry Percy, might stand on ya’.

 

 

Thursday, 2/8

  1. Valencia vs. Barcelona – Copa del Rey

This is the second leg (match) of a Semifinal tie (series) in Spain’s FA Cup.

Barcelona have yet to lose in La Liga, so 3rd-place Valencia did well to lose just 0-1 in the first leg.  It will take a mighty effort for them to advance to the Final, but home pitch can mean everything.

  1. Jorge WIlstermann vs. Oriente Petrolero – Copa Libertadores qualification

Wilstermann won the first match of this two-legged tie 1-2, and now get a chance to seal the deal at home against their weaker Bolivian league foe.  The winner will make the final eight in this event, out of which six teams will make it into C.L.

Image result for seal the deal funny

 

Ewwww.

Um, play midfield really well.

Ten to Track (8/11/17)

Around the Western World in 10 Games!   The weekend’s first evening is usually a little light, but here are your still pretty solid matchups —

1. Arsenal vs. Leicester City –  English Premier League

The Premiere is back! I may be Noob, but even I know to get excited.

I started tracking soccer – just a little – two seasons ago, towards the end of Leicester’s championship campaign. I now understand just how much of a breath of fresh air it was, as the league is normally dominated by seven particular teams, and Leicester ain’t one.

B. Atlas vs. America – Liga MX

Amuricuh!

And it’s a matchup of two top half teams from last season’s Clausura (second half! Nooooooooob learningness), this should be the more competitive of the this league’s offerings this date.

3. Stade Rennes vs. Lyon –  Ligue 1

Lyon just missed out on making this year’s UEFA Champion’s League last season, finishing 4th. Stade Rennes was a top half club.

4. Edmonton vs. NY Cosmos – North American Soccer League

NASL is the much smaller Tier Two League, compared to USL, and so their postseason only has four teams. The fabled Cosmos finished third in the leagues Spring Season, and so is in decent position to perhaps finish with one of the two best overall non-division champion records and get in the playoff mix. Edmonton, Canadia should fall to them, even at home.

5. Zulte-Waregem vs. Brugge – Belgian Jupiler League

Last season’s #2 hosts #3.

UEFA ranks’s Belgiums’s top flite league as 8th best on the continent, right behind surprising-to-me-is-this-high Russia and surprisingly-low-to-me Portugal.

6. Ballymena vs. Crusaders – Northern Irish Premiership

Crusaders were the only team to seriously challenge Linfield last season for this group’s Champions League slot. But like Crusaders, Ballymena also got into the Europa League, with a 4th place finish.

7. Bangor City vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier

The New Saints lapped the field last season, though have already lost in the early stages of the 2017-18 Champions League. Bangor City finished 4th and achieved a Europa League slot.

8. America de Cali vs. Deportivo Cali – Copa Colombia

The battle for Santiago de Cali is on! This semifinal FA Cup match is the second of the two-legged tie. Deportivo leads 1-0 on aggregate.

9. FCI Tallinn vs. Levadia Tallinn – Estonian Meistriliiga

This league’s top four teams are all from Tallinn. This matchup features #3 and #4.

10. Maribor vs. Donzale – Slovenian Prva Liga

Maribor is the superpower of this league, should handle last season’s #4 squad easily.