Tag: Atletico Tucuman

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – complete! Welcome, Greek hooligans.

Time for Noob to drop the cherry on this delicious Midweek Edition football cake.   Bring us, Numbah Teyn!!

(Results from Tue. and Wed. are further down.)

* *Clarion ring of silver trumpets* *
We have a Noob c**k up alert!

Match #10, PAOK vs. Arsenal, was not real.     PAOK hosted English Premier League club Chelsea, losing to them 0-1.  Arsenal hosted Ukrainian club Vorskla, winning in a 4-2 rout.

Thursday

  1. PAOK vs. Arsenal – Europa League

Wednesday

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Philadelphia Union – Major League Soccer

Nine in a row.

Ooooh, how it riles Noob to type that!   Would someone please beat Seattle?   That haven’t even lost in twelve matches.  This is supposed to end with Sounders having peaked to soon, fade late and lose early in or miss the Playoffs.

For less-tenured Noobites, the first hardcore soccer fan I ever met was a university T.A. who was a bandwagon-jumping Seattle fan.  He was neither from nor were we at the time anywhere remotely near Washington state.  It sickened Noob then and now.

The Union had been a nice little streak of their own.  Five wins in a row.  A road draw to crappy Orlando City was understandable perhaps.  The road is the road.  But getting your butt spanked monkey-red 1-4 in your own house to admittedly, surprisingly, and suddenly frisky Montreal is far less so.  In tandem, giving up six goals in those two matches is disconcerting.

The teams are both in 5th place in their respective conferences, though Seattle has a team tied with them on points.  Top six make the Playoffs.

RESULT:   Philly   0-1      Noob’s Sounders nightmare is finally over!

Philly scored at 90′, right after getting a man sent off by red card.   Let there be joy!

Image result for seattle sounders fight and win

 

 

He’s an even bigger d-bag than this “Fight and win”- screaming Sounders ultra.

  1. Young Boys of Bern vs. Manchester United – UEFA Champions League

The most competitive CL match today with an English team may be the other one – Manchester City vs. Lyon.  But Noob did England versus France yesterday, so I’m taking some liberty and switching things up.

Based on their football database.com ELO ratings, Man Utd should hypothetically win this match on a neutral site about 75% of the time.  Converting that in Noob’s and the match being in Switzerland, I figure them to be a goal and a half fave today.

But, as stated above, the road is the road.  Never as easy as it should be.  And while they seem to have recovered from bad losses at bad B&H Albion and then whipped at home 0-3 by Hotspur, the two wins since have been against meh teams at best.

Meanwhile, YBB have started their league season 6-0-0.  Plus, they had to earn their way into the Group Stage here via some qualifying matches.   The whole stew has Noob wishing very much this game were being broadcast stateside.  If Bern were to pull an upset, and with Valencia and Italian champs Juventus lurking here in Group H…

RESULT:   Man Utd   0-3        So much for that Noob-theory

  1. Toronto FC vs. Tigres UANL – Campeones Cup

Never heard of it?   Neither had Noob.   This isn’t a tournament, just a one-off match.  But it’s got American and Mexican clubs playing and there’s a shiny trophy to be presented at the end.  That means I’m in like Flynn!

So let’s get into a few particulars.  This features the reigning MLS champion and the winner of the Campeon de Campeones.  That thing was a match between last season’s winners of the Apertura and Clausura (first and second half-season).

So how have they been doing in their respective leagues seasons this year?  Tigres are in the top half, in the postseason picture.  Not bad.   Toronto, OTOH, is in 9th in the Western conference, nine points out of the playoffs.  Their record is actually above .500, but that’s all they’ve got going for them.   They’re easily a goal underdog, even at home in Canadia.

For all that, they’re still airing it on ESPN2 (8:15 PM).   Yay, footsieball!

RESULT:   Tigres   1-3      UANL in a rout.  Jesus Alberto Duenas with a pair of goals.   

Image result for Campeones Cup funny

 

 

Champions are in Noob’s house?

Tigers are in my house?

  1. Suwon Bluewings vs. Jeonbuk – AFC Champions League

This is the second leg of a Quarterfinal match in Asia.  The winner gets Kashima Antlers in Semis.

Jeonbuk ran away and hid from the rest of the pack this now-completed South Korean K League 1 season.  They won half again as many games as the runners-up.

Defending titleholders don’t auto-qualify, so even if Suwon win this whole shebang, they’re out in 2019.  And they only finished 4th in K League 1 – not high enough.

Sooooo you can imagine how the first match of this two-legged tie went.   Suwon won 0-3.  Yup!  Completely against logic.  Again Noob says, yay footsieball!

RESULT:   Jeonbuk   0-3     And so the scrip got flipped.   But then Suwon won the penalty shootout to advance.   Victory!

  1. Orange County F.C. vs. Real Monarchs SLC – United Soccer League

OK, there’s an argument to be made that the Portland Timbers-Columbus Crew match in MLS is more important.   Make yer own darn footsieball site, Noob’s sticking with the scouted second division match!  It was a Western Conference #1 vs. #B matchup when I scouted it a few days ago.

RM SLC have slipped to 3rd since then.  That suits Noober fine.  You must know by know how I feel about Amuricuhn clubs with “monarchs” or anything “royal/real” in their names.  Down with them!  No kings and queens here.  We fought and won a war up New England way a long while back, and that result still holds!

The Monarchs have treated of late as is good, right and appropriate – 0-1-3 in their last four matches.   They may not fall all the way out of the top eight and miss the Playoffs, but a couple more notches and at least they won’t have any home pitch-advantage.

The O.C. are 2-1-1 over the same stretch.  The competition has been soft, but it’s more winning than not.

RESULT:   O.C.   5-2        Aodhan Quinn with two for the home team

Image result for toddler soccer

 

Maybe not as soft as a toddler seemingly in a fat suit.

But soft.

  1. Real Esteli vs. Diriangen – Nicaragua Premier

While I don’t think CONCACAF ranks domestic leagues themselves, Noob did find a webpage related to both SBNation and perhaps the Philapdelphia Union (via thebrotherlygame.com) which does.  It uses historical international play results, much the same as other federations so.   Eggzalent.

So Nicaragua’s appears to be the #12 league in our world region.  While that’s not very strong compared to the Central American leagues, it bests all but a couple of the Caribbean ones.

These are the current #1 and #3 clubs in their young season.  Esteli’s position is particularly impressive since they’ve played 1-2 fewer matches than the other top teams.  They’re also the only undefeated team remaining.

Diriangen’s been getting featured in the Track recently based on a top-three finish last season.  They’re #B now, just a point off the pacesetters.

Goal differential:   Diriangen 9:7;  Real Estili 9:2.   Tale told.

RESULT:   Esteli   1-0

Thursday

coming soon!

Tuesday

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Chicago Red Stars – National Women’s Soccer League Playoffs

After being postponed Tuesday because of Hurricane Florence, the Semifinal is back on.   The winner will get Portland, which beat visiting Seattle in the other one-off Semi.

Courage are the best women’s club team on the planet.  They destroyed the NWSL throughout the regular season.   There are a ton of names you could/should know.   But this is Noob, so we take smaller bites.  Lynn Williams, while not being the very biggest star, has been on a scoring streak.  Impress friends with her name.

Chicago have two things going for them.  Sam Kerr leads the league in scoring, has nabbed six goals in the last four matches.   The other is that this game will not be a true home one for NC.   It’s been moved to Portland.   (9:00 PM EST, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   NC   2-0      On to the Final!

B.  Liverpool vs. Paris Saint-Germain – UEFA Champions League

It’s back!   And now it’s time for the “competition proper” to begin.  On and off in previous months, Noob’s featured games from the pre-Group Stage rounds.

Now we’re in it.  Eight Groups of four each playing a double-round robin, home-and-away series.  Top two finishers in each advance to the Knockout Round.  3rd-place finishers get dropped into advance rounds of the Europa League.

This is one of eight matches today, and it’s hard to call one more “important” than another.  But that’s Noob’s self-assigned task.  We lean England here, since the American soccer fan naturally does when it comes to European soccer.

These two should be the ones to come out of Group C.  Napoli is solid, here as last season’s Italian runners-up.  Red Star Belgrade out of Serbia is sneaky-good, but not that good.  Citing footballdatabase.com and the ELO formula usage there to rate and rank teams,

It’s a quirky call to handicap this one.  If you’re a gambler and can get PSG and a goal, take that.  But don’t bet the farm.  Or more than a chicken or three even.

Actually, if you’ve found a betting house that accepts rural property or domestic fowl as currencies, just leave the whole thing be.   (3:00 PM, TNT)

RESULT:   Liverpool   3-2      Liverpool blew a 2-0 lead before getting the winner at 90’+3

Image result for gambling for chickens

 

 

Gambling with chickens will not go your way, any which way you try.

  1. Atletico Tucuman vs. Gremio – Copa Libertadores

Quarterfinals time in South America’s version of Champions League.  Here, they play two-legged ties, home and away.   This is the first leg.

Tucuman are here by virtue of a runner-up finish in Argentina’s last FA Cup.  They’re only the 8th-best team in the country.   Gremio are the defending Copa champions, yet actually not an absolutely overwhelming favorite today.  They should get a draw today, advance on a 1-2 goal win on the return leg.   (8:45 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Gremio   0-2

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – from the US of A to sporting hinterlands the world over!

Fridays tend to run a little light for soccer scheduling the world over, so this our opportunity to explore the footyball world!  As always, Noob starts off at and close to home.  Then, we check our bags tarmac-side and jetset off to locations the world over!   Let’s expand our horizons, Noobites.

  1. Ottawa Fury vs. Tampa Bay Rowdies – United Soccer League

Major League Soccer isn’t back post-All-Star break until tomorrow, so today we have just a pair of division two matches in the homeland.  This one is a bit heavier in playoff implications.

The top eight in each conference will make the postseason.  These two are tied for 9th and tied for 11th, respectively.  Noob’s particularly intrigued for two reasons:  1) Based on goal differential, these two ought to be switched places in the table.  B)  They’re two of the clubs from North American Soccer League.  The one-time co-second division league cancelled it’s 2018 season after not getting DII sanctioning from USSF, and currently is targeting a 2020 return to action.

Fun Fact:   When their current stadium was behind in completion, Ottawa competed at Carleton College.

RESULT:   Ottawa   2-0     The Fury climb into a tie for 7th

B.  Atlas vs. UNAM Pumas – Liga MX

After finishing 8th and making the postseason Liguilla in the 2017-18 Apertura (first half-season), they sunk to 15th and sported the worst defense in the league in the Clausura.

UNAM went completely the other direction, going from last place to 7th by improving their offense a ton.  They’ve won their first to matches of 2018-19, too.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Pumas   0-3     Atlas was down to ten men after a red card 20′ in

Image result for letter B fox

 

 

Number B knows Atlas are “The Foxes”.

And that Number Two must go down HARD.

  1. Waterford vs. Cork City – League of Ireland Premier

Eire’s is a two-horse race and has been for some time.  Cork trail Dundalk by just a point in the table as they hit the home stretch of their season.  They can’t afford a slip before playing the league leaders later this month, and this is the most like match where that could happen.

Waterford had a great run the first half of the season, but have fallen back to a distant 3rd.  Two clubs will get Europa League berths, though.  The Irish Blues are in line for one now, but Noob thinks Shamrock Rovers will overtake them.

Fun Fact:  Waterford the crystal-making company makes the NCAA college football trophy.

RESULT:   1-2   Cork     Waterford scores first, but Cork triumphs.  

  1. Reading vs. Derby County – EFL Championship

If these teams are of the same relative strengths as last season, this may not be a “big” match.   But England’s second division league is probably in the top 15 in Europe in strength.  And Derby Co. finished 6th last season, making the Promotion Playoffs.  Meanwhile, reading finished 20th, not far above the Relegation line.

This is the first league match of the season.  Welcome back, British footyball!

RESULT:   Derby Co.   1-2      Derby Co with the winner in the 90′

Image result for huntley and palmers

 

 

Fun Fact:  This company was originally based in Reading, and so the football team were known as “The Biscuit Men”.

 

  1. Hamburger SV vs. Holstein Kiel – 2. Bundesliga

Germany’s second-tier kicks off today as well.  Hamburger was demoted last season from the top league, while H.K. made the Promotion Playoffs before losing at the end and having to stay down.  Holstein led this league in offense last year, scoring over 70 goals.

Fun – Unless You’re an HSV Supporter – Fact:   This marks the first time HSV has played anywhere but the top Bundesliga.  There was rioting and stuff.

RESULT:   Holstein Kiel   0-3

  1. Dynamo Kyiv vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – Ukraine Premier

Last year’s #B and #1 faced off in the domestic Super Cup just days ago.  Kyiv won that glorified friendly, but now things are for real as league plays begins.  A little more offense and Kyiv could’ve perhaps taken the title last year.

Since this – the 8th-ranked league in Europe – gets two Champions League berths, one might think it doesn’t matter which one wins.  It matters.  They want hardware.

RESULT:   Dynamo   1-0

Image result for Spartak Moscow Dinamo Kyiv

 

 

Fun Fact:  During the Soviet era, Dinamo Kyiv (not another Moscow team) was Spartak Moscow’s greatest rival.

  1. Huracan vs. Atletico Tucuman – Copa Argentina

This is a Round of 32 match in Argentina’s knockout-formatted FA tournament.

These two finished last year’s Primera league season #4 and #15.  Their offensive and defensive numbers were very similar, though, so this should be an exquisite matchup.  The winner will get either fellow top-leaguers Newell’s Old Boys or a third division team in the next round.

Stinky Fact:  One of Huracan’s nicknames is “The Burners”, since the current stadium is built on a former garbage-burning site.

RESULT:   Tucuman   0-2

  1. Troyes vs. Brest –France Ligue 2

Back to Europe!  Troyes was kicked out of the French top flite after finishing second-to-last.  Brest finished 5th in this league, getting to play in the Promotion playoff.  The two teams that were Promoted were light years better on offense then everyone else, but Brest excelled to a degree in that regard as well.

RESULT:   Brest   0-2

Image result for lacoste logo

 

 

Fun Fact:   The city of Troyes is home to the Lacoste clothing and fashionwear company.

  1. Floridsdorfer vs. Kapfenberger – Austrian 2. Bundesliga

The other white schnitzel – Austria’s Bundesligas. OK, maybe that doesn’t make sense.  Noob acknowledges it before The Management interrupts to call me out.

This league has been expanded from 10 to 16 teams this season.  As the season begins today, this is the one matchup involving two teams that were both in this league last season.  They finished 8th and 9th.  Floridsdorfer may really have been the worst team in the league, statistically, but no one got Relegated, so oh well!

Fun Fact:   Floridsdorfer is the northernmost district of Vienna.   it is a comparatively rural area, being composed of previously unconnected villages.

RESULT:   Kapfenberger    0-2

  1. Dinamo Tbilisi vs. Rustavi – Georgia Erovnuli Liga

We finish today’s Track in Georgia’s best league, though it ranks just 46 of 55 in UEFA.   It’s what Friday’s are for!

As one might expect, only the winner will get an invitation to Champions League (and just the First Qualifying Round at that).  Dinamo is #B, just five points out of 1st just over halfway through the season.  Saburtalo Tbilisi aren’t any better on GD, so this should be a dandy of a second half race.

RESULT:   Dinamo   1-0

Image result for tbilisi georgia

 

So long from Tbilisi, Georgia! 

The Bridge of Peace connects the old and new city districts.

’10 to Track’ for Relegation Monday (1/29): Drop Zone daisies try to see some sun

The ‘ten most important games to follow for us, the newish American fans’, takes it weekly turn to the Dark Side.  Nine teams trying to claw their way to some daylight outside their leagues’ Relegation Zones get featured.

Let’s get to know them before they get the boot.  They must be crap, since match #10 and out only non-Relegation match today is Scottish.

  1. Tucumán vs. Temperley – Superliga Argentina

Argentina’s premier division Relegates four of their teams annually.  That feels like a lot until you consider the league is 28 teams deep.  Rather than just booting the lowest-performing ones each season, they consider results going back three more years.

Temperley is 24th in the table this season, but third-to-last on that Relegation table.   They could still save themselves, but need a turnaround toward at least a mediocre 2018.  Unlikely, given they don’t even average one goal per game.

RESULT:   Tucuman   3-0

Image result for mediocre funny

 

 

 

The Buddha wishes to help Temperley with their quest for mediocrity.

B.  Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Karabukspor – Turkey Super Lig

Could last place-Karabukspor end up with less than zero goals in a match?  They aren’t even close to having the second-worst league offense, and #2 Istanbul sports the best defense.

Fun Fact:  The city of Karabük’s name translates to “blackbush”.

RESULT:   Istanbul   5-0

Image result for Turkish letter B

 

Everybody’s loves you, Number B!   

Just have to get used to it.

  1. Smouha vs. Wadi Degla – Egypt Premier

Smouha sits in 4th place, good for a berth into Africa’s version of Europa League, five points out of their Champions League.  Who will be more motivated, them or 16th-place Wadi Degla?  If they can climb just one more spot in the table, they’ll be out if the Drop Zone.

Fun-ish Fact:  Wadi Degla is nicknamed “The Community of Champions”.   Maybe it sounds cooler in Arabic…

RESULT:   Smouha   2-1

  1. El Antag El Harby vs. El Raja Marsa Matruh – Egyptian Premier

8th place hosts dead last in our Egyptian double-dip!  Worst defense and worst offense, Raja is eight points in the table from safety.

RESULT:   El Antag   2-1

Image result for egyptian ice cream

 

 

Streamed date pudding, with a double dip of ice cream.

  1. Al Batin vs. Al-Ettifaq – Saudi Arabia Premier

Second-to-last place Ettifaq actually has a mediocre offense.  If they can shore up their shoddy defense even a little, they should survive the season.

Mid-pack Al Batin have trouble scoring, and so Noobstradamus is calling this one for the underdog “Commandos”!

RESULT:   1-1      Noobstradamus miss

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

 

I’m also calling Alyssa Milano’s performance opposite Ah-nold in “Commando” underrated.

  1. Al Quwa Al Jawiya vs. Karbala – Iraqi Premier

Karbala has yet to win a match and has only three goals in 11 games.  Second division-bound.

Not That Fun, But Interesting-Fact:  “Saddam’s Killing Fields” documents the 1991 destruction of Karbala.

RESULT:   Al Quwa   4-1

  1. Ternana vs. Salernitana – Serie B

Ternana can’t quite get over the hump in Italy’s second division.   They have 12 draws in 21 games.  They’re 20th of 22 teams.  Should they climb even a spot higher, they won’t be automatically Relegated, though the next two teams in the table have to play a Relegation avoidance event.   Salernita are 7-7-7 on the year.

RESULT:   2-2      Make that -13- draws.

  1. Sporting CP B vs. Real SC – LigaPro

The hosts are the reserve side for Portuguese legend FC Porto.  They are in 1st, but ineligible for promotion out of the second division.  Real SC is at the opposite end of the table.  They can score, but playing defense eludes them.   The table is tight enough that they could climb, but this isn’t the match where that starts.

RESULT:   Sporting B   2-1

Image result for you will lose now funny

 

 

For now, Real SC, you’re the fat chick with the hula hoop.

  1. Gil Vicente vs. Varzim – LigaPro

GV are in a three-way tie in the table with two team in the Relegation Zone.  Varzim is one of those two.  These two have identical records.  This should be the most competitive match of the Tracked games today.

RESULT:   Varzim   0-1

And our one glorious, non-Relegation match to care about today —

  1. Albion Rovers vs. St. Johnstone – Scottish FA Cup

This event has reached its Fourth Round, in which just 32 teams remain.  Our minnow today is Albion Rovers.  They’re from the Coatbridge (Glasgow area), and about the economically most dismal town in the country.  This hard-times blue collar town could use something to cheer about.

St. Johnstone is in 8th this year, after a Scottish Premiere 4th place finish last season that had them miss Europa League by only one slot in the table.

RESULT:   Johnstone   0-4

Image result for coatbridge scotland pollution

 

 

Coatbridge, back before it was more air-polluted than almost anywhere.