Tag: Belarus Premier

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday! Plus World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  It’s what we do.

Monday, we hit the few big games on the slates, then turn out attention to teams about to possibly be dropped from their leagues for putrid performance.  Relegation Monday!

  1. Iran vs. Portugal – FIFA World Cup

Time to start the third and final matches in Group B!

Iran is in 3rd and must win today to advance, despite being only one point behind Spain and Portugal both.  One of their best players has yet to break out and score, Sardar Azmoun.  He plays in the Russian Premier League, one of the top ten in UEFA.

Portugal would advance with even a draw.  It will be interesting to see what pace, how defensively they play.  They are tied with Spain on both points and goal differential, but behind on the next tie breaker (“Fair Play’ points).  Will Cristiano Ronaldo & Co. push for a win and hope Spain can’t beat already-eliminated Morocco?  Winning the Group makes a difference in where a team is seeded for the Knockout Stage.

And there you have it!  Mini-preview success.  Just enough to get you through water cooler-chat.  Now go, be free!  Noob will be searching out deeper pregame analysis, invites you to do likewise, Noobites.  Our education is important.   (2:00 PM Eastern, Fox, Telemundo)

RESULT:   1-1    Portugal advances, though Spain wins the group by virtue of the second tiebreaker (total goals scored, 6-5).

Image result for soccer academy funny

 

 

 

He learned footyball powers.  

We can, too.

B.  Suddery vs. Wellsworth – Isle of Sodor Cup

Ah, the Capital.  it’s good to be back.   You are deserving of the distinction of Number B.

These are the last two teams to be playing their second of three Group Stage matches.  So far, every match in this Group has ended in a draw, so the action is hot.

Suddery will likely start in the Premier division this coming and first-ever league season on Sodor.  They aren’t expected to do better than midtable.  In future years, that could get worse, too.  Word already is that the Capital will have a second club before long.

Wellsworth are expected to play in the Second Division, yet probably be a relegation candidate.  Small town.

RESULT:   Wellsworth   3-4      Check out the Isle of Sodor Cup Page link near the upper right of the home page for standings.

Image result for The Rover's Return Isle of Man

 

 

Noob enjoyed drinking tonight with blind-Jeff Daniels and this other guy at Rover’s Return, Suddery.

  1. Thor Akureyri vs. Stjarnan – Iceland Cup

It’s the Quarterfinal knockout round in this FA Cup.  Thor Akureyri are one of two second-division clubs still playing.  They’re in 4th in their league.  Perennial power Stjarnan are #B in the Urvlasdield (top flight).  The home side’s name may sound cool, but they’d do well to keep this within a goal today.

RESULT:   Stjarnan   1-2

  1. Dinamo Brest vs. Gorodeya – Belarus Premier

Welcome back, Gorodeya!  Still in last place, Noob sees.  Good news though.  With a win, you’d climb over two clubs and out of the Drop Zone, for the moment.   A draw is far more likely though.  Why?  Midtable Dinamo Brest has earned draws in seven of their twelves games.

RESULT:   DB   5-2

 

 

Loving the font particularly

  1. Mariehamn vs. Kemi – Finland Veikkausliga

Kemi are in second-to-last place.  Whichever team finishes there will play a second-tier club for the right to play top-flight in 2019.

Mariehamn are one of the clubs that could end up there as well, just one spot higher in the table.  The home team today favors a higher-scoring game, so look for multiple goals both ways here.

Fun Fact:  The Kemi Kings have finished as high as 8th in Finland’s FA Cup

RESULT:   Mariehamn   2-1

  1. Pulau Pinang vs. PDRM – Malaysia Premier

Don’t be confused by the name – this is one of countries that uses “premier” to denote their second-highest league (“Super League” being higher).

Pulau Pinang are sort of in second-to-last.  Kuantan FA have been disqualified from play for financial issues, are listed with zero points, and appear set to be Relegated because of that.  P.P. can’t score, plain and simple.  PDRM are tied for #B, but have overachieved so far.   Could an upset be brewing?

RESULT:   Pinang   3-1     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

Image result for ultras panthers

 

Pinang Ultras Panthers supporters group throw toilet paper rolls on the pitch pregame traditionally.

  1. Aral Nukus vs. Xorazm – Uzbek Pro League A

Second-level Uzbek ball?  Yes, please!  Hey. They’re playing.

The league has just nine teams, yet two will be giving The Boot at season’s end.  Aral Nukus are in last.  Wanna know what’s Malay for “defense”?  Don’t ask Noob.  And don’t ask this club.  They’re the worst in that regard, and it’s not close.  Xorazm are midtable.

Fun Fact:   Aral Nukus played in the Soviet Second League for a deacde in the ’70s and ’80’s.

RESULT:   Xorazm   0-3

  1. Norin vs. Mash’al – Uzbek Pro League A

Double dip!  Norin are just a point ahead of Aral Nukus in the table, also in position to get moved down to Pro League B.  They will get housed by the league #1 today.  Worst offense, second-worst defense.

RESULT:   Norin   2-1    An even mightier Relegation Monday miracle!

Image result for chust knives pattern clothes

 

 

Norin’s Namangan region is famous for the  Beqasam (silk type) national dresses.

  1. Yozyovan vs. Lokomotiv BFK – Uzbek Pro League B

Hey, if you find a La Liga, Bundesliga, or English Premier match Noob’s not seeing on the world slate, lemme know.  Pretty sure they’re still in off-season.  So to the third tier we go!

This league is nine teams as well, also with two teams guaranteed to get moved down to the Regional Leagues.  BFK are in last, don’t look statistically like they have it in them to rise more than a spot in the table at best.  Fun-to-say Yozyovan are pretty average.

Fun Fact:   The Fergana Region where the village Yozyovan is located borders both Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan

RESULT:   Yoz   2-1

10.  Matchakhela vs. Aragvi Dusheti – Georgia Liga III

Welcome back, last place-Matchakhela! The Track has missed you.  Still figuring out the rules, Noob sees.  Try scoring.  At all.  This will improve your chances.  #13 (of 20) Dusheti at home might be the best win you’re capable of snaring this year.

RESULT:   Dusheti   2-3

Image result for gonio fortress

 

The ancient Roman fortress Gonio in Matchakhela’s base town is rumored to be the burial place of the Apostle Matthew.

’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition (6/23-24) soccer matches – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup, MLS, NWSL y mas!

Join Noob for ten of the most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  And for my on-site, seemingly exclusive online coverage of the inaugural Isle of Sodor Cup!

Saturday

  1. South Korea vs. Mexico – FIFA World Cup

South Korea lost their first match to Sweden here in Group, while Mexico stunned Germany 1-0.  They are ranked 57th and 15th in the world, respectively.

South Korea have a central midfielder who’s been playing for English Premier club Swansea City –Ki Sung-yeung.  Mexico may well decide to attack more from the edges so he’s not such a factor.

Mexico’s goal in Game One game from Hirving Lozano.  Can he strike again?

There you have it, Noobites!   Snack-sized preview to get you at least through water cooler chat.  noob will not have hurt feelings if you know go in search of even deeper pre-game analysis.  I’m going to certainly.  We learn, we grow.   (11:00 AM Eastern, Fox, Telemundo)

RESULT:   1-2   Mexico      No one is quite through or quite out yet, but these two are nearly so

Image result for water cooler chat funny

B.  New York Red Bulls vs. FC Dallas – MLS

Dallas have pulled into a tie for 1st place in the West with Kansas City.  Their five-match win streak is surely impressive.  It’s worth noting that the road wins have come against softer teams, because NYRB ain’t one.

Red Bulls bring the heat like anyone outside of Atlanta Utd.  They’re in 4th in the Eastern Conference, and have played one to three matches fewer than all the clubs ahead of them.  It’s strange.  They struggle some against teams from their region (except NYCFC), lay waste to most others.  If you like trends, put your money on the home side today.   (6:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Red Bulls   3-0

Image result for letter B money

 

 

 

Number B, you are so money.

  1. LAFC vs. Columbus Crew – MLS

Our MLS undercard is hardly that as the conferences’ #3’s face off.

LAFC’s one recent league win was against league lowbies San Jose, and they needed two goals in the 90’ to achieve that much (3-4).

Columbus haven’t won since May, yet have mostly earned draws since that time to keep them well afloat in the table.  Their superb goalkeeping was bound to come back to earth a little after an amazing spring stretch. Can Zach Steffen recapture the magic?   (10:30 PM, ESPN+)

  1. Seattle Reign vs. North Caroline Courage – NWSL

It’s #B versus #1!   That will always have a certain luster.  Yet make no mistake, Seattle is a big underdog at home to the locomotive that is NCC.  The league’s only about a dozen games in and the Courage already lead by 11 points in the table.

Still, Seattle hasn’t conceded a goal in three straight matches, and NCC actually let lowly Houston draw with them their last match.

RESULT:   Courage   1-4

Image result for lost luster funny

 

 

Umm…thanks, Chuck!

  1. Junction & Sheds vs. Killdane – Isle of Sodor Cup

Junction & Sheds (Knapford) aren’t expected to be quite as strong as Knapford Town in the inaugural IoS Premier League coming in a few months, but they’ll be plenty competitive.  They’re one of three teams here in Group G with three points, so simply getting a draw today would hardly guarantee them advancement to the Knockout Round.

Killdane already knocked of a future Premier side in Ulfstead, so they won’t be intimidated.  Perhaps they should be though.  J&S won that first match of theirs by a Cup-largest margin of seven goals (1-8).  Killdane are expected to be a midtable side in the Second Division.

RESULT:   Killdane   1-5!     All of Group G is knotted up at three points apiece with just a match to go each.

Sunday

  1. England vs. Panama – FIFA World Cup

#55 FIFA-ranked Panama needs at least a draw to stay alive in Group G.  A win would guarantee #12 England advancement to the Knockout Round, though they’d need a big one to pass Denmark on goal differential for the Group lead.

England had a sensational first half against Tunisia, likely should’ve won by more than 1-2 as they did.   In all recent major tournaments, they struggle early and often, so “The Three Lions” are thrilled to have a W already.

Panama played a very, very physical style against Belgium, leaving things tied 0-0 at the half before Belgium solved them for a 3-0 win.  England should handle them, but this will be a different challenge presented.

Oh, and England’s coach dislocated his shoulder somehow.   And there you have it!  Mini-preview to get you through water cooler chat-level convo for tomorrow’s biggest WC match.  Now go, be free!  Explore more in-depth pregame schtuff if you are so inclined.  Noob will.  We’re all learning.   8:00 AM Eastern, FS1, Telemundo)

RESULT:   England   6-1

Image result for water cooler funny

  1. Atlanta United vs. Portland Timbers – MLS

Atlanta are perhaps the best team in all the league, and currently sit atop the Eastern Conference.  There can be little doubt Portland are the hottest team.  They had a rough start to 2018, but are now unbeaten in ten straight and are 6th in the West.

It’s the defense that’s got both clubs in playoff slots in the table.  The back lines are key for both sides.  Neither goalkeeper is in the top ten in saves, but ATL’s Brad Guzan has more in today’s matchup.  He played nine seasons in the English Premier League.  Can he keep a clean sheet today?   (4:30 PM, Fox)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Kirk Ronan vs. Dryaw – Isle of Sodor Cup

Cabalnoo lead Group B, stunningly, are the only one of the four with a win.  All others have ties here, so if either can win this match outright today, we have a real race on our hands.

Dryaw had a weird, scoreless match with Norramby in their first and only match so far.  Defense isn’t a very Sudric thing in football.  Even given that, the ten goals Kirk Ronan conceded against Cabalnoo still has our heads shaking.  Perhaps at home the larger Churchmen club can right things.

RESULT:   Kirk Ronan   4-3

Image result for unique church isle of man

 

Eeriest B&B in the world might be the original Ronan church (“kirk”) where Noob is staying.

  1. Kairat Almaty vs. Astana – Kazakhstan Premier

#B versus #1!   And in a way it’s even tighter.  Kairat Almaty are only five points behind the traditional league power and they’ve played two fewer games.  More, they’ve only lost once.  Astana has already taken two L’s.

Still, Noob’s not ready to call this one for the home team.  Astana would feel fine about a draw and can control the ball enough to get it.

RESULT:   Astana   1-2

  1. BATE Borisov vs. Shakhtyor Soligorsk – Belarus Premier

BATE is the historic great from this domestic lead, and they’re #1 again now.  But #4 Soligorsk have the best defense in the league.  BATE have to be favored, especially at home – and with the best offense to boot.  Still, this could end up the surprise upset of leagues today.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Barysaw strange

 

 

If Noob weren’t in Kirk Ronan, Sodor for the Cup, I’d be saying, “So long from beautiful Barysaw, Belarus!”

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday soccer matches – World Cup, US Open, Isle of Sodor, and suckitude!

Since the FIFA World Cup is likely bringing fresh Noobite eyes to this humble site, allow Nob to explain:

On Mondays, world soccer schedules tend to be lighter than other times.  Stands to reason, given the weekend is heavy.  So the usual ‘ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – takes this turn:

A few top matches get featured, but we mostly embrace the suckitude, preview matches in which at least one club is in position to be Relegated to a lower league st season’s end.  Come, get to know some sad sack-squads before they fade away!

  1. Tunisia vs. England – FIFA World Cup

Welcome to Group G.  These two have been drawn with Belgium (the favorites) and Panama (very not favored).  This is the first match for these teams.  Reminder:  Round-robin in each Group, top two finishers advance.

The most likely drama in G is between these two for finishing behind Belgium and advancing to the Knockout Stage.  Tunisia is the top-ranked team out of Africa (FIFA #21).  England are tied for 12th with Denmark.

England have not won the World Cup since 1966, always seem to feel lots of pressure and then underperform in major tournaments.  This team isn’t as star-studded as some of the past, as they focus on a youth movement and defense.  What offense they do manage to produce will probably run through  Tottenham  Sir Toppem Hatt Hotspur star Harry Kane.  (Yes, Noob still loathes Hotspur — named for a historical traitor!)  Other star Marcus Rashford seems to be over his recent injury.

And there you have it, you’re water cooler chat-level mini-preview.  Be free!   Go search out more in-depth coverage should you desire, Noobites.  I’m doing so.   (2:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   England   1-2    Harry Kane with a brace (two goals)!

Image result for harry kane funny

 

 

You’re a poor man’s Ryan Gosling, Harry Kane.

 B.  Houston Dynamo vs. Minnesota United – U.S. Open Cup

The American FA Cup has reached its Round of 16.  Only one non-MLS team advanced this far, Sacramento Republic of the USL (and formerly NASL).

Here, we get two Western Conference clubs on the outside looking in right now for league postseason berths.  They’re in 7th and 9th place, respectively.  Dreaded Houston (down with cities built on swamps!) is much better than shown in the table so far though.  Mark Noob’s words:  They’ll not only make the playoffs, they’ll have home pitch advantage for at least one game.

Minnesota can’t score worth a lick.  They will be lambasted this Round of the Cup.

RESULT:   Houston   1-0

Image result for letter B cup

 

 

 

Number B enjoys the Cup matches as a cup, of sorts.

  1. Glennock vs. Junction & Sheds – Isle of Sodor Cup

Noob’s exclusive coverage of the Isle of Sodor inaugural Cup returns!  Hello from the small village of Glennock, located well inland in the east-central portion of the country.  They are one of the four clubs to advance out of qualifiers that took place in the spring.  They will play in the third and bottom division of the Sodor football pyramid when everything launches this coming season.

The larger town of Knapford sends one of their two teams for battle today.  Talk Noob catches locally indicates J&S will probably be a lower midtable team in the coming Premier League.  They are the favorites to win Group F.

RESULT:   J&S   1-8     Kary Hanesworth scored for Glennock scored first, but after that it was all carnage

  1. Dinamo Minsk vs. Vitebsk – Belarus Premier

Belarus’ top league falls smack into the middle of UEFA’s associations rankings.  Usual powerhouse BATE Borisov have a wide lead built, given that they’re not halfway through their season.

The most likely club to possibly catch them appears to be #B Dinamo Minsk.  They’ve got the defense, but no one’s offense there measures up to BATE’s.  #4 Vitebsk isn’t many points further back, but they’re just not traditionally at the table’s top.

RESULT:   1-1

And now we embrace the suckitude with Relegation matches!

Image result for Dinamo Minsk

 

 

Noob likes the crest, even if it does look like could be a brand logo on ice cream or something.

  1. Gomel vs. Smolevichy – Belarus Premier

Welcome back to the Track, Smolevichy!  They’re in an easier part of their schedule, as Noob recently featured them on a Monday playing another league bottom-feeder.

Talkin’ ‘bout you, Gomel.  Can’t score more than about a goal every three games on average, gonna get Relegated.  They’re in a three-way tie for the two Relegation spots now.  Still, this might be a gettable match for them.  Smolevichy plays small ball, so to speak, so this will be a low-scoring game.  First side to score – at all – wins.

Not-So-Fun Fact:  Gomel is close enough to Chernobyl that it was part of the radiation zone.  The population had been declining all the way until the early 2000’s.

RESULT:   Smoley   0-2

  1. Kyzylzhar Petropavlovsk vs. Shakhtar Karagandy – Kazakhstan Premier

My Scrabble dictionary just broke up with me for typing your club name.  Thanks, K.P.

The home side is tied for 10th, which would put them in a Playoff with a top second-division team trying to move up and usurp their place.  They also play so little defense, Noob’s not convinced they formally play a goalie.  Karagandy is in 8th.

Fun Fact:  Petropavl is named for the Christian apostles Peter and Paul

RESULT:   K.P.   1-0     Funner Fact:   It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

Image result for angry book

 

 

Fine, Noob will just rebound with a Bartlett’s Book of Quotations.

  1. Independiente de Valle vs. Deportivo Cuenca – Ecuador Serie A

8th place hosts second-to-last in our one South American stop today.  IdV is only 8th, but Cuenca…. maybe they could pool their money with Karagandy above and split a goalie’s services.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   IdV   3-1

  1. Notre Dame vs. BDF – Barbados Premier

When Noob Tweets his regular announcement promoting the Track, if you don’t think I’m not hashtagging Notre Dame, you’re crazy.

The top tier league in Barbados just expanded this season from a ten-team, single group affair to a divided, two-“zone”, 12-team league.   Noobs Barbados source indicates that the bottom two teams in each Zone are below a line.  It seems doubtful they’re giving a third of the league The Boot, so more likely is that the four clubs will have a mini-tournament to determine which one or two move down

If Notre Dame can kick their offense up a notch, they may overtake one of the two teams just ahead of them.  That won’t happen today though.  BDF is the Zone 2 leader by a billion miles.  Noob would handicap this match by granting ND four goals.

RESULT:   BDF   0-6     Not a typo.   At four goals, Noob didn’t handicap Notre Dame enough.  Yikes.

Fun Fact:   Notre Dame play on the south side of the capital, Bridgetown – which used to be called The Town of St. Michael.  The area parish still carries that name.

Image result for Notre Dame university funny

 

 

 

 

Right, what she said.  Signed.  Whatever.

  1. Zakho vs. Naft – Iraq Premier

This is to Mondays in a row, Zakho.  In last by six points, Noob suspects you’ll be here enough I have to charge you rent.  Worse luck, you play the #4 and best defensive team in the league today.  Good luck with that.

Fun Fact:   “Zakho” might well mean either “victory” or “river of blood”, either likely stemming from an ancient Roman-Persian battle there.

RESULT:   Naft   0-2

  1. Shukura vs. WIT Georgia – Georgia Erovnuli Liga 2

Hey, Noob’s featured the third tier TWICE.  This is a step up in, er, toward relevance.

This league is strange.  Other than second-place Norchi Dinamo, every team here looks about the same on offense, statistically.  Last-place Shukura, however, seemingly enjoys just watching balls flutter by into their goal.  Only one team gets Dropped from this league at season’s end, and Shukura look like it by a wide berth.  #1 WIT Georgia will get the road W, riding their supreme defense.

Fun Fact:   Shukura are based in Kobuleti, a seaside resort town that’s super-popular with Armenian tourists.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Kobuleti beautiful

 

 

Were Noob not in Sodor, I’d be saying so long from Hotel Chveni Ezo in Kobleti.