Tag: Birmingham City

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/4) soccer matches – MLS playoffs lead the way!

Noob is just 2-6 in the top division in his Scrabble tournament this weekend.  And I haven’t even faced the former national champ yet.   Welp.

So serving up the ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game – is sweet relief to me.  I’m still previewing a match from there this week, but I can’t wait to go salve my wounds with a return back to my fall-winter Sodor home next weekend.

  1. Portland Timbers vs. Seattle Sounders – Major League Soccer playoffs

It’s the Quarterfinals!   In this and the next round, teams face off in two-legged, home-and-away ties.  The lesser seed hosts first.  That’s #5 Portland.

The Timers have had quite the roller coaster season.  Their springtime was simply divine, filled with rain showers and blooming lilies and never a stormy cloud or loss to be seen.  But the summer heat made them inconsistent as could be.

Noob-reviled Sounders come in red-hot, on a five-match win streak.   The defense carried them most of the year.  Of late, it’s been their offense shouldering the load.  If that continues, this is a bad matchup for Portland, which struggled on defense compared to most Playoff clubs.   (5:30 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT:   Portland   2-1

B.  NYCFC vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer playoffs

Atlanta were annihilated in their final regular season match by defending champs yet non-playoff bound Toronto.  That cost them the East’s #1 seed and the Supporters Shield.  But as the #B team, they still got a bye into the Quarters.

The New York Blues beat Philly in both of their last two matches.   That’s good work.  But Atlanta were the scoring champs of the entire league and played just as good of defense as New York City FC.   (7:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Atl   0-1

Image result for grouchy soccer

 

 

how Noob imagines the supporters for New York and Philly — grouchy

 

3.  Wellsworth vs. Ffarquhar – Isle of Sodor Premier

Since Noob’s in Asheville, NC, I’ll miss this fun matchup in the IoSPL’s inaugural season.

Wellsworth were going to be in the bottom of the three divisions.  But they made the Quarterfinals of the first-ever FA Cup this summer.  As reward, they get to play top flite.

Ffarquhar plays in one of the larger towns of the same name, also made the Quarters.  They were slated for PL status already.

These teams were about mirror images of one another statistically.  it’s hard not to lean on the visitors as favorites.  Suddric clubs all draw pretty much from their immediate locales for players.  Wellsworth is a small village — it’s just a numbers game.

Neither played much defense in the FA Cup, even compared to other teams.  That’s saying something.  Aggressive defense is quietly considered uncouth on Sodor.

RESULT:   Ffarquhar   1-5

  1. UNAM Pumas vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

With three matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season), Noob believes at least six teams have a realistic shot at the regular season title.

These two are in 4th and 3rd place, respectively.   Cruz Azul play the league’s tightest D, but their offense has scuffled this month.  Some of that may be the extra matches as they advance deeply in the Copa MX going on.

Pumas haven’t lost a match in a couple months.  I’m not sure they will catch CF America for #1. but I’d bet on them moving up a couple spots to #B.

RESULT:   Cruz   1-2          Cruz is the new #1

Image result for six is crazyZero to do with soccer, but PersonNoob (my daughter) loves M.L.P.’s “Mane Six”.

  1. Arsenal vs. Birmingham City – England Women’s Super League

Last season, Arsenal missed a top-two finish and invite to the Champions League by just one point in the table.  And they’re still feeling raw about it.  6-0-0, 31:3 GD.  It was Chelsea pulling the unbeaten number all last season, but there’s a new leader of this pack.

Nearly all the rest of the teams struggle to score a little, and #3 Birmingham is no exception.  They’ve only allowed three goals, but may well give up that many today.

RESULT:   Arsenal   3-1       Jordan Noobs with two goals, and the coolly-named Danielle van de Donk with the other for Arsenal

  1. Cork City vs. Dundalk – FAI Cup (Ireland)

It’s the Final!

Congrats to the league champs, Dundalk, upending two-time defending champs Cork City.  And now they wrestle over another trophy today.

Dundalk lead the Premier there in goal-scoring and defense.   It’s their offense that’s the greater strength.

Cork lost too many close matches to make it a close regular season title race.  But Dundalk have only managed draws their last two away matches.  Noob suspects they probably just rested starters with title in hand, but maybe they’ve spent themselves and the road has become hard.   And while this isn’t a home match for Cork, neither is it in Dundalk.  The big national stadium in Dublin hosts this one.

RESULT:   Dundalk   1-2      hail to the victors!

Image result for FAI Cup Trophy 2018

 

 

Soooo shiny

  1. Olimpia vs. Cerro Porteño – Paraguay Pro Division

Olimpia ran away with the Apertura regular season title and are doing the same here in the Clausura (second-half season).  They’ve already guaranteed themselves a berth into the next Champions League.

C.P. again find themselves #B.  Their D is sensational.  But if that’s the immovable object, Olimpia’s firepower is the irresistible force.  And they’re more irresistible – you saucy minxes – than C.P. is immovable.

RESULT:   2-2           Naughtiness ensued at 90′!   A red card for someone on each time and Olimpia hits a penalty at that mark

  1. Portmore United vs. Tivoli Gardens – Jamaica Premier

Jamaica and Trinidad and Tobago are the strongest leagues of those in the Caribbean subgroup in CONCACAF.

Portmore crushed it during 2017-18 regular season, then went on to win the tournament title.  Tivoli finished 3rd last year.  The new season is just seven matches in, but things look largely the same.  T.G. can play defense with the best of them, but can’t put it in the back of the net like Portmore.

RESULTL   Tivolo   0-1

Image result for Jamaican crush

 

 

Impress your fave Portmore fan and/or your own Jamaican crush with a lovely gift of Jamaican Crush.

  1. Le Geldar vs. Etoile Matoury – French Guiana Honor Division

Nation a FIFA member?  Nope.  Full CONCACAF member?  You betcha.  Two-horse race last year between these two, with Le Geldar winning the trophy by one point.

And that’s an even closer margin here than in most leagues.  In French Guiana, a win is worth four points, a tie worth two for each team, or one point just for showing up to lose.  so instead of two or three table-points being distributed like in most leagues, here it’s four or five.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Scholars United vs. Roma United – Cayman Islands Premier

We finish our Track with another matchup of 2017-18 #1 and #B teams!   This was another race decided by just a point.  But this league is different than most, or was last season.

These top two were both carried by their defense.   They didn’t Small Ball, but the next four teams in the table all played about as well or better on offense.  Just not the way these things happens in most places.

RESULT:   1-1

T.E. McField Sports Centre, George Town

 

 

So long from T.E. McField Sports Center, George Town, C.I.!

home of Scholars

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – exploring our football world

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  This is Noob’s reason for being.  Learning and sharing are fuhn!

Fridays, scheds tend to run a little lighter.  So Noob takes us on a planet-crossing trek of footyball wonder!   As always, we’ll start closer to home, then jet-set off to soccer hinterlands unknown.

(And yes, tenured Noobites – the “Jetsetting Friday” moniker has been scrapped after two weeks.  We’re back to Trotting the Globe, baybeeee.)

  1. Pachuca vs. Toluca – Liga MX Femenil

Listing the ladies first isn’t about political correctness.  Noob has little room for such the quest for learning and sharing.  This is about two teams tied for first!  In their Group, anyway.  Mexico’s top league is divided into two for the entire season.

In truth, there’s a chance this ends in a blowout.  Toluca score over twice as much as their hosts today, and play just as well on defense.  This could well be Pachuca’s one chance to keep true Group title hopes alive.

Top two from each group make the playoffs, but there are four good to great teams in this Group 1.  A home loss would sting more than a little for Pachuca.

RESULT:   Toluca   1-2

B.  Veracruz vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Copy and pasted from yesterday, when Noob thought this match was being played.  Turns out there was a meaningless Copa MX match yesterday instead.   (One team was already advancing as from the Group stage as a runner-up, the other already eliminated.)

With the International Break over, Liga MX returns with a lone match tonight.

It’s not the smexiest of matchups, truth be told.  Veracruz is near the league bottom, sporting easily the league’s worst defense.

Toluca, at least, could be liguilla (playoffs)-bound.  They’re tied for 7th, and eight teams will qualify.  Defense hasn’t been a virtue across the table this Apertura (half-season) for the most part.   If they or any team can shore theirs up even a little, that will be the difference-maker.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-3       It’s double-dipping into the guac bowl of victory for Toluca today!

Veracruz came back to tie it from down 0-2 before losing someone to a red card late.  Whoops.

Image result for letter B sexy

 

 

 

Number B, a sexy part of the all-caps font created by Irina Baktova

  1. Birmingham City vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Football Championship

Time to check in on one the Premier League teams that was banished to second division!  Last we saw our heroes, WBA were dead last in the PL.   They weren’t the worst on offense or defense, or even overall GD.   Perhaps they lacked some grittiness, guttiness that could’ve kept them above the line.

These days, they’re 9th in the ECL table.  Best offense down there, but still struggling on D.  But Birmingham are solid chance for a road win.  They’re winless, in 20th place (of 24).  That’s not the Relegation Zone, but they can feel it lurking close beneath them.

Noob smells an 0-2 road win for “The Baggies”.  And remember:  While only the top two get automatically Promoted, the next four have a playoff for one more move up.

  1. ES Setif vs. Wydad Casablanca – CAF Champions League

It’s the Semifinals in Africa!   This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Wydad, out of Morocco, are the defending champions.  Their league season is just one match on.  Algeria’s ES Setif are in first place in their domestic league, though theirs is only a few games in.

Setif is probably only an even match at home against Wydad.  They need to make some hay on their own ground before the return leg road trip.

It’s worth noting that Africa’s most highly-rated club – Egypt’s Al Ahly – are also in action today.  They get overachieving Guinean club Horoya though.  That match will only be as close as Ahly let it be, even on the road.

Image result for making hay funny

 

 

 

You’re doing it wrong.

No matter what the “it” is.

  1. Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Beijing Gouan – Chinese Super League

B.G. are #1 at just past the 20-match mark in this league’s season.   Excellent, especially considering they were just 9th-place in 2017.

At some point, their lack of defense is going cost them dearly.  Today is likely that day.  The defending champs play host, and their GD is 50% better.  They score nearly every bit as much.

Top two will make the AFC Champions League group stage.  3rd-place finisher will get in, but have to play a qualifying round.

Fun Fact:   City Guangzhou is perhaps more familiar to us by an alternate name – Canton.

RESULT:   Evergrande   1-0       G.E. are #B now, while B.G. have dropped to #3.

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Jubilo Iwata – Japan J1 League

This match doesn’t quite pass Track muster for inclusion (~both clubs in top quarter of a league).  But Noob likes to throw The Management a bone many a time, and he’s a Japanophile.  (In fact, he’s vacationing in Tokyo right now, post-Seoul business trip.)

C.Osaka finished 3rd last year, making the AFC CL group stage.  Iwata were 6th.  Both teams are a bit lower in 2018 though – 5th and 10th currently.

Still, even the 4th-place team gets a qualifying stage CL berth, so C.Osaka are not irrelevant.  But they need to get over the hump in some matches, as they lead the league in draws.  Get tough, “Cherry Blossoms”!

RESULT:   1-1       C.Osaka remain in 5th, Iwata moves into 9th.

Image result for madame lobina

 

 

 

Lobby and Madame Lobina are both official mascots of Cerezo Osaka.

 

  1. Navbahor vs. Pakhtakor – Uzebekistan Super League

Welcome to Asia’s 10th-ranked domestic league.  Where they know how to create some league drama.

Like many across the world, this league divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions about 2/3 of the way into its season.  But like a minority of those, they throw out the records at that point.

Navbahor finished 4th, but are in 1st now.  They lagged on offense, but now are on par with the other best clubs.  Pakhtor finished 1st, are a close 3rd now.  And they still are best on GD.  They’re not scoring at the astonishing clip they once were, but play stonewall defense.

Noob believes just one qualifies for 2019 AFC CL.

Fun Fact:   Navabahor means “new spring”; their home city is Namangan.

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Khatlon vs. Kuktosh – Tajikistan Vysshaya Liga

This league climbed to #12 in the AFC rankings, and so will get a team into the next CL.   This year, they don’t have even one.  Instead a couple of their clubs qualified for the Asia Cup.

The season is 20 matches in, and it appears to be a two-horse race.  Kuktosh are 3rd, but a dozen points behind the leaders.  They’d need an historic run to jump both teams.  Even one of them, really.

Khatlon are in 6th and probably a bit better than that.   They’re no worse than an even match for their guests today.

RESULT:   Khatlon   1-0

Image result for ajina-tepa

 

A Buddhist cloister (Ajina-Tepa) near Khatlon club’s home city of Qurghonteppa.

  1. Kopetdag Asgabat vs. Merw – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

In Asia’s perfectly average (#23) league, even the champ doesn’t get a sniff of the AFC CL.  They head to the secondary Asia Cup.  Not that either of today’s combatants will be there, either.   #7 hosts #5.  The good news for them is no one gets Relegated from this league.

Fun Fact:   OK, these guys are just looking to mess up my Scrabble game now.  Merw??  Srsly?

RESULT:   K.A.   2-0

  1. Mwadui vs. Azam – Tanzania Premier

After that extended run through Asia, we finish today’s Globetrotting Track in Africa.  This league cracks the top 24, but needs to be twice as good to get two berths into the CAF Champions League.

Their season is just getting started.  Azam finished #B last year.  1st-place Simba SC outscored them by nearly a 2:1 margin.  Mwadui were 10th of 16.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for shinyanga diamond mine

 

So long from Shinyanga, Tanzania!

Home of FC Mwadui and where the first big diamond find was made outside S.A.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – spanning the globe for soccer-ness

Fridays are a little light on the world scheds, so Fridays here at Noob we steal Samsonite’s luggage and head off to see the world!

As always, the Track will start at or close to home, then it’s off to footyball hinterlands of wonder.

Please don’t forget to check back for results, follow on Twitter at SoccerNoobUSA.  And in the name of all that’s holy, stop assuming the drink cart carries absinthe.

  1. Houston Dash vs. Washington Spirit – National Women’s Soccer League

Just top the four from the NWSL make the playoffs.  Washington are long-since eliminated.  7th-place Houston is just four points behind 4th-place Orlando.  That’s a lot of teams to have to leapfrog, but hope lives.

The Dash have been winning and losing every other match like clockwork for weeks.  If pattern holds, they’re due for a loss today.  But the Spirit have lost seven in a row.  And they score only about goal every other game on average.  And they’re really bad.  And they won’t win today.

But Noob roots against you, Houston Dash?  Why?

RESULT:   Houston   4-0

Image result for daft to build a castle in a swamp

 

You can’t build cities on swamps and expect good things.

B.  Atlas vs. Monarcas Morelia – Liga MX

Little Billy Donovan from Springfield writes:

Dear Mr. Noob,

I’m in grade school and I can count.  Well. 

So, what is up with never using a Number Two and putting in Number B instead?

First of all, Little Billy, thanks for being a great Noobite.  No questions are dumb here, because Noob doesn’t anthropomorphize sentences.

Depending on how one chooses to look at it, Number Two has been the victim or instigator of problems people have when listing off points for time immemorial.   Say someone’s having an argument and trying to logically list points.  So often, things spin out of control:

“Why am I leaving your sorry ass??  One!   You always leave the toilet seat up.  B!  You never answer my texts within 0.45 seconds when you’re at work.  Three!  You –

     — Ha!   You can’t even make a list right.  You went ‘One’ and then ‘B’ as if you’d labeled your first point ‘A’.  So fine, leave!  You’re a dysfunctional albatross around my neck anyway.”

See the issue, Billy?  So Noob says, “Why not just replace Number Two with Number B In all lists, permanently and forever?”  More, Noob doesn’t likely need to tell a grade schooler of all people about the negative connotation of “Number Two”.  So –

1, B, 3, 4, etc. when it comes to lists.    But Noob’s not crazy.  Still count normally in non-list contexts.   You would still say, “I have two apples in my Grizzly Adams lunchbox”.

RESULT:   Morelia   0-1

Image result for grizzly adams lunch box

  1. Birmingham City vs. Swansea City – English Championship

No English Premier League matches today doesn’t mean we can’t get our British footyball fix.  Though this is equal part Welsh, thanks to Swansea.  They were Relegated after last season.  They couldn’t kick a ball and hit the broad side of a barn.

Birmingham City was on the fringe of Relegation discussions last year themselves.  Opposite problem.  Second-worst defense in the ECL.

But it’s a new season, and everyone will dream of climbing back up to the Premier League and the bajillions of tv dollars that come with it.

Fun Fact:   Birmingham were the first English club to play in European competition, losing to Barcelona in the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup of 1956.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Schweinfurt 05 vs. Schalke 04 – Germany FA Cup

Most anywhere else Noobites will find this game written about, the tournament will be referred to as “DFB-Pokal”.   The tournament participants are of a strange makeup to me.  All the clubs from the top two leagues.  That makes sense.  Only four from the third-tier league.  But then 24 teams come out of lower, regional divisions.

Schweinfurt is one of the last group.  They play out of the Bayern Regional League, which is fourth-tier.  They finished second in it last season.  They qualified for this event by winning the Bayern Cup tournament.

And today they get last year’s #B team from Bundesliga.  At least they had enough luck to get to host the match.  Minnows are fun to root for, but Schalke by two today.

RESULT:   Schalke   0-2

Willy Sachs Stadion 001.jpg

 

Schweinfurt play at Willy-Sachs Stadion.

Sometimes jokes are too easy.  Noob chooses to exercise a little grace.

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

Africa’s CL is in it’s Group Stage still.   The 16 remaining teams are divided into pods of four, in which they play double-round robins.  All winners and runners-up advance to the Knockout Stage.

Wydad are the defending champions and lead their current Group.  They are a Noob-fave because of their unique name, being for a famous Egyptian actress-singer.  Which is odd, given that the team is in Morocco.

Mamelodi are out of South Africa’s Premier League.  They’re tied with a Guinean team for #B in the Group right now, though they lead on away-goal tiebreaker.  By rating (footballdatabase.com), this would be a very even matchup on a neutral pitch.  The defending titlists have to be favored on their home pitch today.

RESULT:   Wydad   1-0

  1. Martizburg United vs. Kaizer Chiefs – South Africa Premier

So let’s move cross-continent in our Globetrotting!   South Africa’s Premier is 5th-rated on the continent.  It’s also getting the 2018-19 season started.

These two finished 4th and 3rd in last year’s edition, narrowly missing out on the two CL berths afforded the country.  It will be especially interesting to see if Chiefs can stay near the table’s top again.  Based on goal differential, they overachieved, and only had an average offense at best.

RESULT:   0-0

Please enjoy this musical interlude from the U.K.’s Kaiser Chiefs.

  1. JS Saoura vs. MC Oran – Algeria Ligue 1

Algeria’s top flite ranks 4th in Africa, so we’re still seeing major quality on our trek today.

JS Souara may also get Tracked sooner or later for being in the current CAF Champions League, as they finished #B in this league last season.  MC Oran came in at fourth, but never truly threatened.  They score almost at will, but Noob’s not sure they play a goalie based on the numbers.

Fun Fact:   Saoura are based in the town of Meridja.  That’s Arabic for “little swamp”.

Didn’t we just cover how we feel around here about Swamp Cities.  Bad urban planning!  Down with them and the teams that inhabit them!

RESULT:   Saoura   2-0

  1. Deportivo Maipu vs. Temperley – Copa Argentina

It’s the Round of 32 now in this single-match Knockout FA Cup.  Maipu play in Torneo Federal A, one of the nation’s two third-tier leagues.  Temperley got mercifully Relegated out of the Premier last year.

Maipu host today.  They’ve also already beaten Chacarita Juniors, another team that got booted down to second-division last season.  Minnow watch!

RESULT:   Temperley   0-4

Image result for Argentinian wine rack

 

Maipu are known as “los Botelleros” – “the wine racks”.

Weird.  But Noob likes malbecs ok, so ok.

  1. Skenderbau Korce vs. Partizani Tirana – Albania Superliga

The 34th-ranked league in UEFA, really Noob?  Oh yes.  There’s a special reason for this inclusion.

Skenderbau, in March, was banned for 10 years from international UEFA competitions.  They had to forfeit their spot in the current Champions League to Kukesi.  This is the stiffest penalty ever handed out.  Match-fixing was the issue.

Applying mathematical algorithms to gambling patters is a or perhaps THE big new way match-fixing is discovered now.  Skenderbau are fighting the ban, and it will be fascinating to see just how accepted the methodology is.

RESULT:   S.K.   1-0

  1. Buxoro vs. Lokomotiv – Uzbekistan Super League

We take out rest from jet-setting at last in Asia.  This is the 10th-best league there.  As such, they will receive two berths into the next AFC Champions League.

Lokomotiv aren’t quite in line for one, but they’re threatening – tied for 3rd.  Buxoro are in 5th, not likely to make a big move.  Negative GD, and they have particular trouble putting the ball in the back of nets.  In the table, they’re problem is a lack of draws.  They actually have more losses than most teams in the entire league.

RESULT:   Lokomotiv   0-1

Image result for buxoro funny

 

So long from the “old town” of Buxoro!

(As if the whole town isn’t ancient.  People living there for 5000+ years.)