Tag: Brendam United

Isle of Sodor Premier League – final matchday results (38) – the champs get formally crowned, last minute Relegation mayhem

Fin.    Europe’s newest Premier League has completed its inaugural season.  Isle of Sodor aren’t in FIFA.   No clubs here qualify for anything internationally.   No giant piles of money are awarded.  Blessedly, it’s just been high-scoring, fun footy.

Image result for train trophyKeep watching this space in the coming weeks.   While Noob’s site audience has been limited in reach, the Sudric FA seems content with growing their international exposure at whatever pace comes naturally.   So I have been given the option to continue exclusive coverage, which would continue with the summer’s second annual IoS FA Cup.  Or Noob may just continue living here, but work on unrelated novel and screenwriting projects already underway.  Time will tell.

Here are the Matchday 38 results.  And here’s your weekly smexy Table link.

Sunday, 5/26 – 1:00 PM UTC
#1   Dryaw                         4    vs.   5    #11  Marron
#14  Castle Rolf              5    vs.   3     #6   Crovan’s Gate
#12  Lakeside                  6    vs.   8    #18  Ulfstead
#19  Tidmouth City      9    vs.   1     #8   Wellsworth
#20  Arlesburgh Utd.   2    vs.   8    #7   East Coast Diesel

Sun., 5/25 – 4:00 PM UTC
#13  Vicarstown              3    vs.   3    #15  Brendam Harbor
#5   Junction & Sheds   1    vs.   0    #16  Ffarquhar
T9   Suddery                     3    vs.   2    #17  Brendam Utd.
#4   Kirk Ronan              4    vs.   5     #3   Knapford Town
T9   Glennock                  5    vs.   5     #2   Peel Godred

Matchday 38 in Highlights

* Relegation madness til the bitter end! Ulfstead won the shootiest shootout of the day, 6-8 at Lakeside. Coupled with Brendam United's 2-3 loss at Suddery, this means U.F.C. climb over B-Utd, sending the latter into 18th and down into next season's Championship.

* With their sixth straight win, Marron secure the last top-half finish, clawing their way over Glennock.

* The season finishes with ties at both 2nd and 4th place. (no goal differential or other tiebreakers in Sudric soccer)

* One more special highlight for champions Dryaw F.C. at the bottom of this final 2018-19 IoS PL post

Feature Match recap:  Ulfstead win match, earn Relegation reprieve

Image result for Norramby crestGotta call this one like it was.   Ulfstead‘s 6-8 win over Lakeside looked closer than it really was.   Lakeside had a three-match win streak on their side, but Ulfstead had motivation — trying to make the Premier League for 2019-20.

Image result for Lakeside FC crestThey also had revenge on their minds, having lost at home by an embarrassing 0-8 margin in the season’s first matchup with “The Quarrysiders“.  This one was 0-4 at the half, and went to 1-7 by 70′.  Lakeside‘s reserves got some goals against Ulfstead‘s bench late, made the margin respectable.

Coming into this final Matchday, U.F.C. trailed Brendam United by a point for 17th place.  Bottom three of the PL‘s 20 get Relegated to the Championship, so one might’ve thought they’d be tight at the outset.   But no, everyone was loose.   And Noob means everyone.    Seven starters scored for Ulfstead!

Ulfstead played one of the early matches, so their survival would depend on the late Suddery–Brendam Utd. match result.   Lakeside A.F.C. officials were wonderful sports, extending an invite for everyone to stay and listen to that match’s radio broadcast over the grounds sound system.  Players and fans from both clubs intermingled throughout the stands .   The concessions folks stayed late.  Lakeside folks congratulated U.F.C. on getting above the cutline as Suddery won the dramatic 3-2 barnburner.

Image result for Isle of Sodor flag

THAT is the heart of football on Sodor.  Noob can think of no finer note on which to end… except one.   🙂

Image result for Dryaw FCCongratulations one last time to 2018-19 IoS PL champions Dryaw F.C.!   Don’t ask Noob from how it was acquired, but in return for getting to be Sodor FA’s exclusive coverage home, I gifted them what they used for the classiest championship trophy ever.

Image result for BET Soul Train Award trophy

 

You’re darn tootin’ (pun intended) that’s a BET Soul Train Awards trophy.

 

Thanks for reading, Noobites.

Isle of Sodor Premier – early evening Matchday 37 results are in … and a champion is crowned!

updated 11:50 PM ET, 5/23

The celebration is on at Dryaw FC!     With just Matchday 38 to play (Sun., 5/26), they now lead Peel Godred FC by four.    Here’s a smexy link to the updated table.

Image result for Dryaw FC Dryaw may not have gotten the full three points, but coupled with PGFC‘s loss, it was enough!   The Isle of Sodor has its first ever champion of their new FA era.   Noob’s not crying.  You’re crying.

Dryaw‘s match-tying E.T. goal deprived Ffarquhar of a season-defining win.  Still, the point earned was just enough was to stake FFC a four-point lead over #18 Ulfstead.   The last Relegation slot in the table is now a battle just between Ulfstead and #17 Brendam United, who lead them by two.

**The weekend’s “Feature Match” recap is now below the results.**

Here are all the results from Wednesday’s historic day:

Wednesday, 5/22 – 6:00 PM UTC

#1     Dryaw                          3    vs.    3    #17  Ffarquhar
#6     Junction & Sheds   4    vs.    2    #15  Brendam Harbor
#20  Arlesburgh Utd.      2    vs.    4   #12  Lakeside
#4    Kirk Ronan                4    vs.    2     T9  Glennock
#13  Vicarstown                 4    vs.    3     #2   Peel Godred

Wed., 5/22 – 8:00 PM (UTC) 
#19  Tidmouth City          2    vs.     1     #14  Castle Rolf
#17  Brendam Utd.            4    vs.    2      #3   Knapford Town
#5   Crovan’s Gate             4    vs.    8    #11  Marron
#18  Ulfstead                        5    vs.    2     #7  E.C.D.
T9   Suddery                         6    vs.    6     #8  Wellsworth

Feature Match in Review:      Marron stays red hot with SIXTH straight win!

Image result for MFC crestA double brace (six goals) by Marron striker Finlay Creamer led his club to a resounding 4-8 win at then-#5 Crovan’s Gate Wednesday night.  The win is Marron‘s straight!   They remain in 11th, but are now in position to possibly overtake 10th place on the final Matchday for a top-half finish.   CGFC drops to 6th.

The Scottish national and scoring wizard danced through Crovan Gate‘s defense early and often, beginning in the 9’.   Creamer had two goals and the team four before CGFC finally broke through for one, just before the half.

Image result for CGFC crestCrovan’s Gate improved after the break.   In the first half, they simply couldn’t maintain enough possession to employ their trademark whiplash-quick changes of offensive formation.  For the second 45, Marron relaxed just a little and the hosts were able to put some things together, pulling as close as 3-5.

But Creamer & Co. were able to push through three more in the last several minutes.  CGFC had to bring everyone forward late, which allowed the rout.

Image result for amateur soccer scorerCreamer was in a class of his own, scoring in open space from distance with a rocket leg as well from up close.  He even notched an assist on a well-lofted corner kick.   Marron already knows they need to lock him up.  Home calls, and Scottish League Two club Albion Rovers (Coatbridge, North Lanarkshire) have expressed interest in acquiring him.  (Hey, when you second-to-last in Scotland’s semi-professional fourth tier of football, you look anywhere.)

The 28 year-old’s masterful performance puts him at 51 goals on the season.    (A lot by any stretch, but remember that Sudric football doesn’t focus much in defense.  At all.)

"It was something special. I took the ball and then I tried to move forward. In the box it was hard for the defense, since no one likes to touch each other," Creamer told Noob after the match, in what I can only describe as an awkward turn of phrase on his part.

Image result for Dryaw FCNext up for for Marron is their final match of the season – at #1 Dryaw FC.   It’s hard to say how Dryaw will come out, given that they’ve now wrapped up the league title, leaving this one a coronation match of sorts.  Marron trail Glennock and Suddery by just a point as they aim for a top-half league finish.

Gate travels to #14 Castle Rolf for their last outing on Sunday.  They could retake 5th place from East Coast Diesel, cannot finish lower than 6th where they stand now.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 36 (5/18-19) In Review – tie for 1st is broken, derbies decided

In the wake of winning the most important match of the season, the scene at the local Joseph Tidy’s in village Dryaw was perhaps the most raucous anyone could remember, ’twas said.

Image result for Doug BarrA dramatic win for their beloved home team.  Noob drinking partner, actor/ producer/ vintner Doug Barr of 1980’s TV series “The Fall Guy” leading the patrons in celebratory song, buying shots of Vicarstown raspberry vermouth. Image result for Hollywood and Vine Cellars Everyone excited as he shook hands with Dryaw FC‘s club president over the league’s first-ever stadium naming sponsorship deal, naming the local stadium after his Los Angeles area “Hollywood and Vine Cellars” business starting next season.  Nary a dry eye was to be found.   I was blessed just to be there.

Full weekend results:

Sat., 5/18
#10  Suddery                2    vs.     1     #5   Crovan’s Gate
#19  Tidmouth City   4    vs.    4   #20  Arlesburgh Utd.
#18  Ulfstead                0    vs.    8    #13  Lakeside
#1   Dryaw                     4    vs.    2      #3   Knapford Town
#16  Ffarquhar            4    vs.    1       #7   Wellsworth

Sun., 5/19
#11  Marron                       4    vs.    3     #9   Glennock
#15  Brendam Harbor   6    vs.    2    #17  Brendam Utd.
#8   E.C.D.                           4    vs.    3    #12  Vicarstown
#14  Castle Rolf                6    vs.    2    #2   Peel Godred
#6   Junction & Sheds    4    vs.    3    #4   Kirk Ronan

Here’s a smexy link to the updated Table.

In Review highlights

* With a 4-2 win – and coupled with Peel Godred's loss – Dryaw FC reclaim the #1 spot, leading by three points with just two Matchdays remaining.

* In the Brendam Derby II, Brendam Harbor wins 6-2, avenging their 0-7 loss to B-Utd. in the season's first edition.

* In the Walney Channel Derby II, East Coast Diesel wins a tense, sensational affair 4-3 over Vicarstown. Their match earlier this season ended in a 6-6 draw.

* Ffarquhar's win Saturday guarantees they can do no worse than tie for 18th, the last spot in the Relegation Zone. (Should there be a tie, a relegation playoff match will happen in Suddery.)

Feature Match in Review:      Dryaw FC  back alone in 1st

The fairy tale season for Dryaw is alive and well after a shiny 4-2 win over #3 Knapford Town!

Image result for Dryaw FCAs merely a larger village team, Dryaw were picked to finish well in the table’s bottom half.   Yet with two matches to play, they now lead Peel Godred (matchday 36 upset victims) by three in the table.  More, KTFC – while still 3rd – trail the leaders by five.   This inaugural IoS PL season is now a two-horse race.

Image result for Knapford Town FC Knapford Town took advantage early (8′) for an 0-1 lead thanks to sloppy defensive play from Dryaw.  A lazy pass from the center back was picked off midfield, flicked to an open man just outside the box and absolutely rocketed home.  Dryaw‘s backstop had no shot at that top corner score!

Play ping ponged all over the pitch for nearly the rest of the first half, Knapford Town creating several more chances to just two for Dryaw.  The halftime momentum looked to be all KTFC‘s when Dryaw‘s hero stemmed the tide!   Picking on a shorter defender, Christopher Wilbertson took what was a mediocre lofted ball in the box and smashed home a header at 44′.  Halftime: 1-1

All the second half, Dryaw pushed harder than ever, but could only trade single goals with the more offensively-balanced visitors.  But just as it appeared things would go beyond 90′, disaster struck for the guests.   Even with two defenders hard on Wilbertson, a third allowed himself to be lulled toward the star striker as he broke just a bit free.   The pass went to the quickly-covered POTY candidate, who then himself had only to make a simple push pass to an open winger for a wide open gimme.   3-2 (89′!)

Dryaw would add one more on a corner set piece at 93′ to make the final 4-2.  (Noob predicted a 4-3 Dryaw result — not bad!)

Image result for BHFC crestCongrats are due today to Brendam Harbor on being their city’s unofficial champs with their Brendam derby win today over United. Image result for east coast diesel crest E.C.D.’s win over Vicarstown had to feel good in the Walney Channel derby, even if not quite big enough by margin to overcome the 0-7 butt-kicking they’d taken earlier this season.

Check in every day for IoS FA news!  And remember, Matchday 37 is -Wednesday, 5/22!

Isle of Sodor Premier League – IN REVIEW – matchday 35 (5/11-12): Down to three in title hunt, more Relegation do-si-do

Image result for English Premier League trophyThe Isle of Sodor FA congratulate their English Premier League cousins on a stellar finish to a captivating season!   Manchester City ran the table after 1/29.  One-loss Liverpool finished as the runners-up with most points in EPL history.  Gofightwin.   Now, IoS PL have their own high drama to complete!

Tied-for-1st Peel Godred and Dryaw had home matches against Relegation candidate clubs they were expected to win.  The weekend’s Feature Match was #3 Knapford Town hosting the tougher #7 outfit.  Could KTFC keep  presumed pace two points back of  the co-leaders?

Here are the updated table and weekend results:

Sat., 5/11
T1   Dryaw                         2   vs.   0       #19  Tidmouth City
#11  Marron                      2   vs.   0      #20  Arlesburgh Utd.
#3   Knapford Town     11   vs.   5        #7  Wellsworth
T1   Peel Godred              7   vs.   3       T17  Ulfstead
#9   Glennock                  4   vs.   4      #14  Castle Rolf

Sun., 5/12
#12  Vicarstown              8   vs.   5      #16  Brendam Utd.
#15  Brendam Harbor   7   vs.   0     #8    East Coast Diesel
#10  Suddery                   12   vs.   4     #6    J&S
#13  Lakeside                  12   vs.   3      #5   Crovan’s Gate
T17  Ffarquhar                 3   vs.   1       #4   Kirk Ronan

Review Highlights

* Top three remain the same. #3 Knapford Town puts on an offensive clinic in beating #7 Wellsworth.

* We bid farewell to #4 Kirk Ronan as a title contender. Another loss has left them eight points behind the league leaders with just three Matchdays remaining.

* It was Ffarquhar that beat KRFC. The win vaults them out of their former tie on the Relegation line with weekend losers Ulfstead and ahead of losers Brendam United as well.

Feature Match in Review

Image result for Knapford Town FCLet’s hear it for the grounds crew at Knapford Town, credit them with this W!   Their pitch was not soggy as some others.   Last Wednesday, a storm swept over the entire Isle, leaving pitches waterlogged.  Noob predicted a 2-2 draw in the Matchday Preview post largely based on that.

But the aeration program KTFC‘s pitch caretakers put in place has been second to none!   Couple that with the fact that the underlying ground isn’t as clayey as many parts of Sodor and the pitch and conditions weren’t terribly sodden, if hardly dry.

PictureWellsworth practiced on the field, but didn’t fully process just how OK the pitch was going to be by kickoff.   They were in their poor-weather cleats.  KTFC – in their standard gear – ran absolute circles around them, figuratively and sometimes literally, scoring from all over their offensive third.  When halftime and a chance for the visitors to change into proper footwear arrived, they were already down 7-0.

Three Matchdays to go!     The FA have made a slight adjustment to the remaining sched:

Matchday 36      Sat./Sun.      5/18-19
Matchday 37      Wed.               5/22
Matchday 38*    Sun.               5/26

* previously, the matches were to be Sat./Sun. this weekend

Fin.

Isle of Sodor Premier League matchday 34 (5/4-5) Sunday recap: The unbearable tension mounts!

First, nuts and bolts.  Here is Saturday’s recap.  And here are Sunday’s results:

T17  Ulfstead          0   vs.   2      #6  Junction & Sheds
#8   E.C.D.                2   vs.   5     #12  Marron
#1   Dryaw               3   vs.   3     #10  Suddery
#3   Peel Godred   2   vs.   0      #9   Glennock
#12  Lakside           3   vs.   5     #18  Brendam Utd.

We’ll recap that bolded Feature Match in a bit.  Where does the weekend madness leave everything?    Here’s a smexy link to the updated complete table.

Image result for madness funnyWith four matches in this inaugural league season to go, we now have a tie atop the table!   More, there’s once again a tie for 17th, right on the Relegation line.  And remember, in IoS PL, even on points means even –  period.  No goal differential or other tiebreakers.   If needs be, tied teams will have a playoff match in Suddery at season’s end.

Image result for RelegationStarting at the bottom, Brendam United jumped back out of the Drop Zone again with a solid road win.    After Ffarquhar‘s home loss Saturday, fated favored B-Utd. again as Ulfstead couldn’t even score a goal at their own place.  The two losers sit on the Cutline, tied.

Image result for Peel Godred FCAt table’s top, a team other than Dryaw FC sit on the top line for the first time in months!  On a rainy day over most of the Isle that kept scores down, then-#3 Peel Godred scored two early, then played keep-away to win 2-0.

That meant Dryaw needed the full three points at home against Suddery to maintain their #1 solo status.    Here was Noob’s prediction to this Feature Match:

Noob’s call:     Dryaw haven’t overwhelmed teams all season long for the most part, so one fears them overly.   Suddery will have confidence after having beaten them in March and be no less comfortable wearing visitors’ kits today.    But with Wilbertson back, DFC won’t drop all the points.    3-3

Even former full-time website prognosticator Noobstradamus had to admit I nailed this one COLD.  

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

“Lucky schmuck.”

 

The teams traded early goals and then that rain came in and made it tough on everyone.   Visiting Suddery led 2-3 heading into stoppage time, appeared set to sweep the season series from Dryaw and perhaps ruin their championship campaign.

Related imageBut after a week off with an injured neck, Dryaw star striker Christopher Wilbertson made his move on POTY!   Clearly not 100% yet, he struggled to contribute all match long.  Just couldn’t keep pace nursing that neck.   It took a corner kick set piece to give our hero his chance.

CW hung back at the edge of the box, understandably seeming to not want to risk further neck injury in the scrum up front.   But it was trickery!    Suddery made the mistake of leaving him completely unmarked and could only ogle in wonder after CW went charging to an edge for the tying header at 93′.  The late point earned keeps them even with PGFC.

Get ready for a wild and woolly finish, Noobites, Matchday 35 will be Wednesday with all 10 teams in action!   They’ll all play the next two Wednesdays AND weekends these last two weeks to finish the amazing first-ever IoS PL season.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – IN REVIEW – matchday 33 (4/27-28): title race tightens, Relegation moves

Nothing changed in the table’s top ten this weekend (except for a tie for 8th being broken).

Yet EVERYTHING changed in the table’s top ten this weekend.  Here’s a smexy link to the updated table, which is also always available under the “More Noobishness” Pages on this site.

Sat., 4/27
#3 Peel Godred               6    vs.    2    #19  Arlesburgh Utd.
#1   Dryaw                         1     vs.    6    #11  Lakeside
#7   Wellsworth            14    vs.   10   #16  Brendam Utd.
#6   Junction & Sheds   1    vs.   5    #8     E.C.D.
#17  Ulfstead                    1    vs.    0    #4    Crovan’s Gate

Sun., 4/28
#9   Glennock                    2    vs.    3   #5   Kirk Ronan
#2   Knapford Town       3    vs.    2   #12  Castle Rolf
#14  Brendam Harbor   3    vs.    7   #14  Marron
#20  Tidmouth City       5    vs.    6   #15  Vicarstown
#10  Suddery                     2    vs.    7   T17  Ffarquhar

Review Highlights

 * #1 Dryaw FC - minus freakily injured star striker Christopher Wilbertson  - lose again to Lakeside A.F.C. 

* #B Knapford Town and #3 Peel Godred each win, now trail Dryaw by just one and two points in the table, respectively. 

* Ulfstead and Ffarquhar both win, dropping Brendam United into the Relegation Zone.

Image result for Lakeside FC crestThe key match of the weekend turned out to be Dryaw’s home loss to Lakeside A.F.C.  The league leaders were missing star striker Christopher Wilbertson.  Was it the difference?   Hard to say.   Sodor’s “L.A.F.C” held them to just one goal in their other match this season, too.

Related imageSo what happened?  Dryaw kept their injury news on the D-L.   Not hard, considering Noob – your exclusive source for all things IoS PL – returned  stateside for Easter.)   It was holiday disaster for Wilbertson.

The club held an Easter egg hunt on the stadium grounds a week ago Saturday.   Wilbertson won.   And he celebrated as he celebrates everything, once again trying to perfectly re-create the famous Klinsmann Dive.  His luck finally ran out, as he whiplashed his neck to the point of needing over a week off.

Image result for Klinsmann dive sodorDoes Noob keep recycling the same photo for this guy, post after post?

Maybe Wilbertson just always does this exactly the same way.

 

Image result for soccer easter egg hunt

 

 

(But at least call the kids got participation prizes!)

 

 

Wilbertson is expected to return next week for Dryaw’s home match versus #6 Junction & Sheds.  Noob will have updates as warranted as I am returning to the Isle midweek.

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/18) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads us once again

European International break doesn’t stop the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game!   Can’t even slow this train down.

1. England vs. Croatia – UEFA Nations League

Here’s the link to my brief Explainer on what this event is:

http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

This is the last match to be played in this League A group of three. Spain is done, two points up on both these teams. So if either wins, that team goes to the Playoffs. If the match ends in a draw, Spain advances.

FIFA-ranked #5 England surely had no trouble with the USMNT in their recent friendly. They haven’t lost in their last four matches overall, between this event and friendlies. And the offense has picked up, with six goals in their last two matches.

#4 Croatia will be a stern test. They struggled after losing to France in the World Cup final. But a friendly win over Jordan and 3-2 win over Spain in this tournament seem to indicate they’re back in form.

Key players to watch today will be Raheem Sterling for England (two goals in the Spain match) and Tin Jedvaj for Croatia (two goals in their Spain match).   (9:00 AM EST, ESPN2)

B. Switzerland vs. Belgium – UEFA Nations League

This is another League A match. Different Group, of course. #1-ranked Belgium – who haven’t lost in six straight – lead the Swiss by three heading into this last match. But they’re tied on goal differential, so win of any margin for #8-Switzerland puts them in the Playoffs on the GD tiebreaker.

While it can be easy to overvalue friendlies, a home 0-1 loss to Qatar in their last outing isn’t promising for Switzerland. They haven’t beaten anyone but Group-last place Iceland (twice) since June.   (2:45 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Switzerland 5-2         Playoff time for the Swiss

Image result for icelandic letter B

buRES

 

Two letter A’s in the Icelandic alphabet.  Fine.

But there’s only one Number B.

3. Guinea vs. Ivory Coast – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

The ACN is next year, Africa’s top tournament for men’s national teams. Groups of four are competing in this current event, with the top two finishers in each getting in.

Two matches to go in Group H. Guinea lead Ivory Coast by three in the table. Between the two of them, they haven’t lost in ten matches overall. They’re ranked #65 and #64 in the world, respectively.   (12:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   1-1

4. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lyon – France Division 1

This is the French women’s top flite. Lyon is the major power in all Europe, has been for years. They’re undefeated again, have outscored opponents 37-1.

Today represents their toughest test of the year. PSG are also undefeated, though someone got a draw on them. Their GD is 24-3. Noob thinks they can keep this within a goal, but no better.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for angry French women

 

Never doubt that the women of France aren’t tough tough tough.

5. SS Jeanne d’Arc vs. Besancon Football – Coupe de France

Like yesterday, we’re catching another early (7th-) round match of the French FA Cup in order to spy on a CONCACAF team.

Noob’s not sure how Reunion qualifies its two teams into this event. JdA only finished 5th in last year’s Reunion Premier. Neither did they win the territory’s own Cup tournament. They’re #B in this year’s league season, which is nearly done. They still don’t score much, but the defense has been much improved.

Besancon play in Championnat National 3, France’s fifth-tier league. This league has many regional divisions (groups). They play in Bourgogne-Franche-Comté (Group E). They’re in 5th place in their league season. They don’t score much, either. Noob’s not got the experience to handicap a match like this, but doens’t look like it’s likely to be a high-scoring affair.

RESULT:   Besancon   0-1  AET

6. Tauro vs. Arabe Unido – Panama National League

They’ve reached the Apertura (first half-season) postseason Semifinals here. This is the first match of a two-legged tie to see which will play for the title. Tauro are the #3 seed, play much more offensively than anyone else in that league. Arabe Unido won several close matches to get the #B seed. If Tauro score early in this, Noob predicts a rout will ensue.

RESULT:   Tauro   2-0

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Noob is not down with the bull half-face thing.

That feels like nightmare-fodder.

7. Nicaragua vs. Haiti – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Six of CONCACAF’s best men’s national teams are not having to participate in this event. They will be placed in League A of the inaugural Nations League next year. All the other member nations are battling for placement in the various League levels, just like UEFA’s NL set-up. The top ten finishers in this event will also qualify for the Gold Cup, the federation’s biennial championship.

Since each team plays just four games, there’s a lot of room for volatility. And we’re getting it. Haiti are ranked just #102 in the world, yet are in 1st in this event with just this last match to go. They’ve outscored opponents 17-1.

Nicaragua are ranked even lower (#127), but also vying for a Gold Cup slot. They’re in 9th. They likely need a win to maintain their GC invitation, though a draw today doesn’t leave them out automatically. They only score half again as much as Haiti have been, are just an even match on their own pitch today.

RESULT:   Haiti   0-2

8. Brendam United vs. Brendam Harbor – Isle of Sodor Premier League

Noob’s exclusive coverage of the Isle’s inaugural FA league continues! I haven’t been able to yet give the IoSPL the attention I intended to, especially given how closely I documented the first-ever IoS FA Cup here over the summer. I’ve been hopping the pond quite a bit, soccer and other obligations keeping me stateside oft times.

Suffice it to say for now that these are historically two of the best teams on Sodor. Of course, that “history” is tons of friendlies and loose, sporadic league-like organizations that have come and gone over many years here. Now that they’re organizing their football on this national scale, it’s hard to know how much water past results hold.

Also, Harbor won the FA Cup. And on defense, a soccer virtue not typically held in particular esteem on the Isle. Shockingly, B-Utd didn’t even make it out of the Group Stage, finishing third there. Just couldn’t find the offense (four goals in three matches).

RESULT:   Brendam Utd   10-3         As often happens on Sodor, once a team is 2-3 goals late,  what little defense might’ve been happening evaporates.

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I don’t know.  The font just went weird.    

I blame having switched from MS Word to OpenOffice.

9. Tahiti vs. New Caledonia – Women’s World Cup qualification

Eight teams from the OFC are vying for one spot in World Cup next year. They’ve been divided into two Groups, with the top two finishers in each advancing to a Knockout Round.

This is the first match for both teams. They’re ranked #157 and #155 in the world. This makes them the fourth and third-best teams in this federation.

RESULT:    N.C.   2-4

10. Vitoria Setubal vs. Tondela – Portugal League Cup

The Taca de Liga has just reached its Group Stage, where 16 teams remain. They’ve been divided into Groups of four. Only the winners of each will advance to the Knockout Round.

This is not the country’s FA Cup, but rather a secondary Cup tournament contested by only clubs from the top two leagues. V.S. is a midtable Primeira Liga team, while Tondela is a fair bit worse. The point here isn’t so much this particular match so much as to just introduce Noobites to the tournament period.

RESULT:   Tondela   1-2

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So long from Setubal!

Come for the soccer, stay for the boutique apartments.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday – World Cup, Isle of Sodor, suckitude, and Lalas

‘T’will be an EPIC Monday.

Relegation matches, celebrating the suckitude of teams about to go down a league?  Check.  Oh, and did Noob dig deep to find them.

World Cup!  Natch.  Isle of Sodor – Knockout Round of 16 begins.

And for that last, we’ve brought in Alexi Lalas, American soccer hero.  You read that right.  The Lalas.   Noobites, it’s a special day.

  1. Mexico vs. Brazil – FIFA World Cup

Many an American has jumped on the bandwagon for “El Tri”.  Many others have bashed the former for it.  Noob holds no position.  Root for a neighbor; cheer against our rivals.  No lives or loves are lost over it.  And it anyone gives you grief, you poonch that naysayer right in the snoosage.

Noob’s research shows Mexico are 6:1 underdogs.   Brazil are the five-time champions and ranked #2 in the world, so it’s understandable.  But Mexico did beat #1 Germany (now out of the tournament), so nothing result here would be earth-shattering.

Brazil brings so much firepower, they will be hard to contain.  Neymar.  Coutinho.  Paulinho, too, if those first two get too covered up.  For Mexico, Javier Hernandez if their penalty box-prowler who will be looking for stickbacks.

And there you have it, Noobites!   Just enough to get you through water cooler chat.  Now go, be free!  Search out more in-depth analysis on the interwebs, should the Spirit move you.  Noob will.   (10:00 AM, Fox)

RESULT:   Brazil   2-0     Mexico apparently talked a lot.  Neymar, as usual, flopped a lot and got tons of calls.

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B.  Brendam Harbor vs. Junction & Sheds – Isle of Sodor Premier

Now that the Knockout Round is here, a little about each of our competitors:

B.H hosts today’s match.  Brendam is one of the few towns seemingly large enough for two clubs, even non-professional ones on Sodor.  Brendam Harbor draws its players from the actual harbor area and southern city-proper.  Everyone on Sodor is a hard worker, but this is definitely the blue collar, working man’s team.

Brendam United plays just north of the city, further inland on this south-centrally located peninsula.  They are more “suburban”, if Sodor has what most would call truly “urban” areas.

While there isn’t much in the way of mean-spiritedness regarding much of anything on Sodor (occasional crossness, certainly), be sure that the Harbormen are happy the purported best team on the island in United didn’t make it out of the Group Stage.  Harbor are considered second-best, on the entire Isle even.  Once the first-ever IoS Premier League starts in a few months, we’ll all see who everyone truly stacks up though.

Knapford is a larger town than Brendam, one of the two “main towns” on the island. It sits on the central West Coast, just southwest across the water from southeast Isle of Man.

Just like Brendam, the town fields two clubs (Knapford Town the other).  Both have their blue-collar bases.  Historically, J&S have drawn from the eastern, more inland portion of Knapford.  The club was started by railway workers.  (Knapford Town is east “old town” Knapford, predominately dockyard and harbor territory.

Only five of the eight teams from Pot One – considered the best on the Isle – survived the Group Stage.  Here, two of them face off.  Brendam Harbor won group D with what few teams play much of on Sodor – defense.  J&S go totally the other way.  They allowed 14 goals in three Group Stage matches, still advanced with a positive goal differential.

Noob is on the Tweeterbox, and had the good fortune to get in a Q&A with an American soccer all-timer and current broadcaster recently.   His take when asked who would win the match:

“Shed’s in the bag.” – Alexi Lalas

The Lalas has spoken!   Now to find out if his words are truly, well, truth.  Let the Round of 16 begin!

RESULT:   Brendam Harbor   4-4 / 3-2 pk      What a start to the Knockout Stage!    The Lalas got it wrong.  Chalk one up for Noobstradamus!   Though I’m not sure anyone saw the unusual manner of it all coming.

Late, one of the J&S players must have misunderstood something one of the BH players said.  The Shedder replied with a very unkind comment – which will not be repeated here – about the Harborman’s Manx heritage.

For those less familiar with Sudric culture — they’re a kind people, industrious… but good golly do they dislike the Isle of Man/Manx. 

They’re long since tired out on jokes about everyone knowing Man exists, but that some think Sodor is a fictional location just because of the books and TV series set there.

So J&S played the last 15 minutes with just ten players, Brendam H. caught up, and pk’s went the way of the hosts.  The Lalas is forgiven; Noobstradamus is commended.

Image result for Alexi Lalas funnyImage result for Noobstradamus

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, so this has-been ginger is doing your prognosticating now?  We’ll see about THAT.  My vision says Brendam Harbor wins, 6-1!  I am Noobstradamus.  -I- have spoken.

  1. Huachipato vs. Deportes Copiapo – Copa Chile

Chile’s FA Cup is also in its Round of 16.  Here, they play two-legged ties instead of simply single-match Knockouts.  10-th place Premier side Huachipato won the first game 1-2.

Copiapo plays in Primera B, the nation’s second tier.  They are part of a five-way tie in the table for three of the spots in the league’s Promotion Playoff.  Their focus should largely be on league, getting up to Primera level.  Hauchi will take this match, sweep the tie.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   1-1      Huachipato advances to the Quarters!

  1. LDU de Quito vs. Universidad Catolica – Ecuador Serie A

#1 hosts #3 in a distinct clash of styles.   Quito have built their three-point lead in the table (five over Catolica) on the league’s best defense.  UdC is tied for the league’s top offense.

RESULT:   Quito   2-1

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Que horror, es el pirate-Noob!

  1. Samgurali II vs. Aragvi Dusheti – Georgia Liga III

Third-tier Georgian league – you keep playing on Mondays, Noob’ll make you famous(ish)!

The bottom half of this 20-club league is jousting for Relegation Playoff seeding.  Samgurali are in second-to-last, and Noob thinks it could get worse.  Dusheti is in 13th, and that looks right, based on their stats.  S-II aren’t even an even match at home here.

Fun Fact:   Stalin would visit a  Bathhouse 9 in this spa resort town (Tsqaltubo) where Samgurali clubs are based.

RESULT:   Dusheti   0-4

  1. Guria vs. Matchakhela – Georgia Liga III

Matchakhela are in last place.  Neither they nor S-II can score worth a darn, but Match are less completely-awful on defense.  Not that they will be able to stop #4 Guria.  That team’s just two points outside a berth in the Promotion playoffs.  They hear the siren call of Liga II and will not be denied today.

RESULT:   Guria   1-0

Flag of Adjara

 

 

Matchakhela’s region of Adjara is an autonomous one within Georgia.

  1. Kolkheti Khobi vs. Samegrelo – Georgia Liga III

#16 Samegrelo are an interesting case in that they’re GD could or should have them much higher in the table.  They belong in the Relegation Playoff, make no mistake, but if they’d seal some deals instead of settling for so many draws, they could jump several spots in the table.

This won’t be the day they move that direction though.  K.K. are #B, and excel on both sides of the ball.  They’ll win by a couple.

Fun Fact:  When aske, “How do you pronounce Samegrelo’s townlet of Chkhorotsku?”, the correct response is to enunciate very slowly, “I don’t.”

RESULT:   K.K.   1-0

  1. Mjolner vs. Stabaek II – Norway Second Division

This is actually the Norwegian third tier of football.  Noob told you it was a time of year to dig deeply for Relegation sensation-matches.

Mjolner are 4th in the league.  They’ve played one fewer matches than most and will likely jump two spots after pasting today’s creampuffs.

Said creampuffs are one-win Stabaek II.  They do nothing remotely well and they are in last place, as is appropriate.  They’ll be one of the three teams that gets Relegated to Norway’s Third Division.

Fun Fact:  Stabaek’s first team plays in Norway’s top flight.  They are awful.

RESULT:   Mjolner   4-3

  1. Melhus vs. Levanger II – Norway Third Division

Noob wasn’t kidding.  There’s a Trackable fourth division in Norway.  And we’re on it.  There are 84 teams at this level, broken up into six (presumably regional) Groups.

Four teams will get The Boot into the fifth division (yup, it exists!) from each Group at season’s end.  Group Five’s Levanger II are in second-to-last.  They couldn’t find the back of an opponent’s net if you set them inside it.  5th-place Melhus are pretty average, but could make a move up the table after whacking these weasels today.

Fun Fact:   Levanger (I) played in the Second Division.  They’re lousy, too!

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Lokomotiv Oslo vs. KFUM II – Norway Third Division

These are the 12th and 13th-place teams in Group One.  Noob Tracks and celebrates the downtrodden, but wouldn’t want to watch this one live.  Neither team scores much or really allows tons of goals.  This will be a zero-zero draw.

RESULT:   Lokomtiv   5-0    Well, Noob was sort of half-right…

Image result for lokomotiv oslo 2018

 

“Lokomotiv Oslo — we play behind a middle school.”

And their marketing department is hiring.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (6/19-21) – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup lead the way

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  Noob’s mantra.  It’s mostly Cup action for the midweek, FIFA World and Isle of Sodor.

Noob’s on a whirlwind tour of Sodor, hustling from one village or town to the next each day for matches as I continue my seemingly exclusive online coverage.  To this end, I’m posting just the two feature matches for Tuesday from here in Glennock, even though the train ride to Crovan’s Gate for tomorrow’s key game isn’t long, even by Sodor standards.

Tuesday

  1. Colombia vs. Japan – FIFA World Cup

Welcome to Group G.  All four teams here play their first match today.  Favorite Poland face off against Senegal.  #16 FIFA-ranked Colombia is likely to be the other one to advance.  Japan are just #61 in the world.

Colombia seem an interesting case.  In the last friendlies before a major event, teams begin letting their likely starters play together.  No more auditions, so to speak.  They actually beat France not long ago, but then only managed scoreless draws against Tunisia and Australia leading up to WC.

Lowly Japan actually managed a win against a decent non-Cup-Bound Paraguay side in their last match.  They haven’t tested themselves against the caliber of competition they’ll face here in Russia, and they didn’t perform well even against those teams by and large.

And there’s your water cooler chat-level mini-preview!   Now go, be free!  Dig deeper on the interwebs for more in-depth pre-game analysis.  Noob will.  But this is what we do here.   (8:00 AM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   Japan   1-2     But anything is possible when one team is down a man after just three minutes!   Colombia lost a man to a red card for a handball in the box.  Japan scored the ensuing penalty, gave up the lead, then reclaimed it in the second half.  

Senegal also upset Poland 1-2 today in this Group, so it’s going to be a wild one!

Image result for water cooler chat funny

B.  Crovan’s Gate vs. Brendam United – Isle of Sodor Premier

Welcome back to Group A.  One of the event’s favorites – Brendam Utd. lost by a bad 0-3 margin, even if it was to fellow future IoS Premier Leaguers Tidmouth Works.  We’ll see if that was a wake-up call and they put a hurting on Crovan’s Gate.

CG only lost their first Cup match by two, but it was to Toryreck – a qualifier that will be in the bottom division when leagues’ officially form and kick off in a few months.  And CG gave up five goals.  They’ll be playing in the middle of three domestic divisions.

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Here Noob comes!

 

 

Wednesday

  1. Iran vs. Spain – FIFA World Cup

Portugal and Spain played a match for the ages a few days ago, ending in a 3-3 draw.  Spain will be looking for three points here against the second-highest ranked Asian team (but FIFA-ranked just #37).  Iran got a surprising 1-0 win over Morocco.  Even a draw somehow today keeps them very much alive to advance.

This is an interesting matchup for a couple reasons style- and player-wise.   Diego Costa scored two goals for Spain against Portugal, but may not have room to operate against Iran – a tight defensively-oriented side.  A more creative player like Isco may be one to watch setting up unique opportunities in the front third.

Spain showed some defensive problems in that first match.  Some will argue that might help Iran.  But Iran is going to have trouble possessing the ball at all to try and score as Spain presses.

And there you have it, Noobites!  Water cooler chat-level mini-preview success.  Now go, be free!  Noob is out there reading more in-depth preview analysis and invites you to do likewise.   (2:00 PM, Fox)

RESULT:   Spain   0-1      Isco was your Man of the Match with his ball control, passing

  1. LAFC vs. Sacramento Republic – U.S. Open Cup

The second four matches of the Round of 16 in America’s FA Cup are all today.  This is the one that features the only non-MLS side remaining.

Sacramento Republic are out of the second division-USL.  They finished 8th in the Western Conference last year, just making the playoffs.  This season, they’re in a surprising third place– despite some offensive trouble.

MLS-expansion LAFC is all the way up in 3rd as well in their West.    They struggle on defense, but score like it’s going out of style.  It’s unfortunate for Sacramento the draw for home pitch didn’t go their way.  This may not be competitive.  But everyone loves a Minnow (non-top division underdog), so Noob’ll be pulling for ‘em!

RESULT:   LAFC   3-2     High drama!   Equalizer at 68′, then the go-ahead by aptly-named Latif Blessing at 89′.

Image result for minnow love

 

 

 

Boooooo.  BOOOOO!

  1. Vicarstown vs. Peel Godred – Isle of Sodor Cup

Hello from Barrow, England!  Look, Noob enjoys Vicarstown the town, but somehow being in Barrow just makes me feel more… real, somehow.  Grounded?  Maybe.  But I’ll be crossing the bridge from Cumbria to The Isle for this super duper Group H matchup!

Group favorite Peel scored a narrow victory over future-second division club Callan FC 2-1.  Now they hit the road to face Vicarstown, a team that is expected to finish at the bottom of the coming Premier League.  They were upset 1-2 at Elsbridge in their first match.

Given that the nature of football play on Sodor has been so loosely organized, it’s hard to handicap games here.  Things will be clearer after a couple years of formal league play, which starts in a few months.  They don’t formally gamble on Sodor, but Noob did throw down a few quid on V-town just because it’s home for them.  Another advantage to sleeping on the English side of Walney Channel.

RESULT:   Vicarstown   5-1          And just like an Iranian fan’s wallet did the fire-trick which he used to try and light a cigarette at his teams World Cup match against Argentina today, a women’s whole purse went up when in a similar incident outside the venue.  High drama!

  1. O’Higgins vs. Colchagua – Copa Chile

Now here’s a Minnow-match!

This is the Second Round of Chile’s FA Cup, the stage at which the 16 Premier teams enter the competition.  O’Higgins is a midtable club from that league.

Colchagua plays in the Segunda Division – the third tier of football in Chile – where they are #B in the table.  These two are from the same geographic area and are very much rivals.   The first match of this two-legged tie ended in a 1-1 draw.  Expecting Colchagua to manage as much and more on the road today is a lot.  But here’s to hoping!

RESULT:   Colchagua   0-0  /  5-6 pk      Somehow Noob had some wrong info on this one.  The first match had ended in a scoreless draw.  Still — Minnow success!

Image result for colchagua football crest

 

 

Uh oh.

Don’t let the luck run out of that horseshoe, boys.

  1. KuPS vs. HJK – Finland Veikkausliga

The Finnish top flight is the lowest-ranked of the Nordic domestic leagues.  But hey– they’re playing!

When Noob first scouted and selected this match, it was a mighty #B/#1 matchup.  Since then, RoPS have overtaken KuPS for Bth place (boy do the Finns love their alphabet soup).  No matter.  Everyone is chasing defending champs HJK again this season.

KuPS lead the league in offense, but barely over HJK – which has the far superior defense.   If the pace is hot, KuPS can win a shootout today in front of the home fans.

RESULT:   2-2

Thursday

  1. Argentina vs. Croatia – FIFA World Cup

One of the bigger stories early on has been that Iceland managed a draw against Argentina in their first match.  The good news for Argentina:  They dominated Iceland statistically.  The bad news:  This continues a trend of not performing well in recent months against WC-level competition.  Friendlies are only that, but patterns are hard to ignore.  The #5-ranked team in the world should be doing better.

Croatia took care of business against Nigeria with a 2-0 win in their first game.  Any result here puts them in excellent position to advance.  Look for them to try and keep the game slow-paced.

Key players:  If you’re following football at all, you know Messi.  Even Noob and Noobites.  Veteran Luka Modric (who plays for Real Madrid) is the name to watch for with Croatia.  He plays midfield.

Additional note:  Croatia sent a team member home after he refused to come on as a sub in their first match.  Not the biggest controversy, but any distraction can obviously get magnified at World Cup.

RESULT:   Croatia   0-3    Argentina may be about to be out of contention to advance!   Modric salted this one away with a screamer from above the box to make it 0-2.  

The first goal happened when back-up goalkeeper Cabellero failed to clear a back pass, instead lofting a little pass, basically, to an opposing player who howled it in.

Image result for go to your room funny

Noob hopes this is exactly how that played out.

  1. Colo-Colo vs. Atletico Ñublense – Copa Chile

Not to make it about Noob, but if you don’t think I’m not rooting for Ñublense forever and ever just because of their club name pronunciation, you’re cray-cray.

More, they stunned the famed powerhouse Primera club 2-0 in the first match of this two-legged tie!    The Longaniza Mecánica are currently in 4th place in the second-tier Primera B.  The other teams right around them look stronger there (they struggle a bit on offense), making their progress in the Copa all the more awesome.

Colo-Colo have also had problems scoring goals in league this season.  The defending champions are in just 6th.  Still, they’re in different leagues for a reason.  Colo-Colo will win at home today.  The question is simply will they win by enough to advance to the bracketed stage next.

RESULT:    Colo Colo   2-1      And so it’s Noob-lense that advances, on aggregate 2-3!

  1. Norramby vs. Cabalnoo – Isle of Sodor Cup

Noob loves Norramby.  Reminds me of Bournemouth, which is a Noob-fave club.  Little resort town of sorts.  They’ll be playing in the inaugural second division of the three formally starting next year on Sodor.

Cablalnoo is a small village, pretty close to far larger Kirk Ronan.  They will play in the bottom division, played through qualifiers to get here.  They got a surprising 5-5 draw against their larger rivals in their first match!  Norramby played Dryaw to a scoreless draw.  They don’t play a lot of defense on Sodor, so this is the anti-double rainbow of footyball happenings here.

So, Group B is wide open.  Can little ‘Noo surprise with another result today?

RESULT:   Cabalnoo   5-10    A Sudric suprise for the soccer ages!   Norramby really need the two middle teams in Group B to have a draw in their upcoming match.

Image result for isle of man cafe

 

 

 

So long from the IsleSound Cafe, Norramby!