Tag: Cerezo Osaka

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – exploring our football world

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  This is Noob’s reason for being.  Learning and sharing are fuhn!

Fridays, scheds tend to run a little lighter.  So Noob takes us on a planet-crossing trek of footyball wonder!   As always, we’ll start closer to home, then jet-set off to soccer hinterlands unknown.

(And yes, tenured Noobites – the “Jetsetting Friday” moniker has been scrapped after two weeks.  We’re back to Trotting the Globe, baybeeee.)

  1. Pachuca vs. Toluca – Liga MX Femenil

Listing the ladies first isn’t about political correctness.  Noob has little room for such the quest for learning and sharing.  This is about two teams tied for first!  In their Group, anyway.  Mexico’s top league is divided into two for the entire season.

In truth, there’s a chance this ends in a blowout.  Toluca score over twice as much as their hosts today, and play just as well on defense.  This could well be Pachuca’s one chance to keep true Group title hopes alive.

Top two from each group make the playoffs, but there are four good to great teams in this Group 1.  A home loss would sting more than a little for Pachuca.

RESULT:   Toluca   1-2

B.  Veracruz vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Copy and pasted from yesterday, when Noob thought this match was being played.  Turns out there was a meaningless Copa MX match yesterday instead.   (One team was already advancing as from the Group stage as a runner-up, the other already eliminated.)

With the International Break over, Liga MX returns with a lone match tonight.

It’s not the smexiest of matchups, truth be told.  Veracruz is near the league bottom, sporting easily the league’s worst defense.

Toluca, at least, could be liguilla (playoffs)-bound.  They’re tied for 7th, and eight teams will qualify.  Defense hasn’t been a virtue across the table this Apertura (half-season) for the most part.   If they or any team can shore theirs up even a little, that will be the difference-maker.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-3       It’s double-dipping into the guac bowl of victory for Toluca today!

Veracruz came back to tie it from down 0-2 before losing someone to a red card late.  Whoops.

Image result for letter B sexy

 

 

 

Number B, a sexy part of the all-caps font created by Irina Baktova

  1. Birmingham City vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Football Championship

Time to check in on one the Premier League teams that was banished to second division!  Last we saw our heroes, WBA were dead last in the PL.   They weren’t the worst on offense or defense, or even overall GD.   Perhaps they lacked some grittiness, guttiness that could’ve kept them above the line.

These days, they’re 9th in the ECL table.  Best offense down there, but still struggling on D.  But Birmingham are solid chance for a road win.  They’re winless, in 20th place (of 24).  That’s not the Relegation Zone, but they can feel it lurking close beneath them.

Noob smells an 0-2 road win for “The Baggies”.  And remember:  While only the top two get automatically Promoted, the next four have a playoff for one more move up.

  1. ES Setif vs. Wydad Casablanca – CAF Champions League

It’s the Semifinals in Africa!   This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Wydad, out of Morocco, are the defending champions.  Their league season is just one match on.  Algeria’s ES Setif are in first place in their domestic league, though theirs is only a few games in.

Setif is probably only an even match at home against Wydad.  They need to make some hay on their own ground before the return leg road trip.

It’s worth noting that Africa’s most highly-rated club – Egypt’s Al Ahly – are also in action today.  They get overachieving Guinean club Horoya though.  That match will only be as close as Ahly let it be, even on the road.

Image result for making hay funny

 

 

 

You’re doing it wrong.

No matter what the “it” is.

  1. Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Beijing Gouan – Chinese Super League

B.G. are #1 at just past the 20-match mark in this league’s season.   Excellent, especially considering they were just 9th-place in 2017.

At some point, their lack of defense is going cost them dearly.  Today is likely that day.  The defending champs play host, and their GD is 50% better.  They score nearly every bit as much.

Top two will make the AFC Champions League group stage.  3rd-place finisher will get in, but have to play a qualifying round.

Fun Fact:   City Guangzhou is perhaps more familiar to us by an alternate name – Canton.

RESULT:   Evergrande   1-0       G.E. are #B now, while B.G. have dropped to #3.

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Jubilo Iwata – Japan J1 League

This match doesn’t quite pass Track muster for inclusion (~both clubs in top quarter of a league).  But Noob likes to throw The Management a bone many a time, and he’s a Japanophile.  (In fact, he’s vacationing in Tokyo right now, post-Seoul business trip.)

C.Osaka finished 3rd last year, making the AFC CL group stage.  Iwata were 6th.  Both teams are a bit lower in 2018 though – 5th and 10th currently.

Still, even the 4th-place team gets a qualifying stage CL berth, so C.Osaka are not irrelevant.  But they need to get over the hump in some matches, as they lead the league in draws.  Get tough, “Cherry Blossoms”!

RESULT:   1-1       C.Osaka remain in 5th, Iwata moves into 9th.

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Lobby and Madame Lobina are both official mascots of Cerezo Osaka.

 

  1. Navbahor vs. Pakhtakor – Uzebekistan Super League

Welcome to Asia’s 10th-ranked domestic league.  Where they know how to create some league drama.

Like many across the world, this league divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions about 2/3 of the way into its season.  But like a minority of those, they throw out the records at that point.

Navbahor finished 4th, but are in 1st now.  They lagged on offense, but now are on par with the other best clubs.  Pakhtor finished 1st, are a close 3rd now.  And they still are best on GD.  They’re not scoring at the astonishing clip they once were, but play stonewall defense.

Noob believes just one qualifies for 2019 AFC CL.

Fun Fact:   Navabahor means “new spring”; their home city is Namangan.

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Khatlon vs. Kuktosh – Tajikistan Vysshaya Liga

This league climbed to #12 in the AFC rankings, and so will get a team into the next CL.   This year, they don’t have even one.  Instead a couple of their clubs qualified for the Asia Cup.

The season is 20 matches in, and it appears to be a two-horse race.  Kuktosh are 3rd, but a dozen points behind the leaders.  They’d need an historic run to jump both teams.  Even one of them, really.

Khatlon are in 6th and probably a bit better than that.   They’re no worse than an even match for their guests today.

RESULT:   Khatlon   1-0

Image result for ajina-tepa

 

A Buddhist cloister (Ajina-Tepa) near Khatlon club’s home city of Qurghonteppa.

  1. Kopetdag Asgabat vs. Merw – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

In Asia’s perfectly average (#23) league, even the champ doesn’t get a sniff of the AFC CL.  They head to the secondary Asia Cup.  Not that either of today’s combatants will be there, either.   #7 hosts #5.  The good news for them is no one gets Relegated from this league.

Fun Fact:   OK, these guys are just looking to mess up my Scrabble game now.  Merw??  Srsly?

RESULT:   K.A.   2-0

  1. Mwadui vs. Azam – Tanzania Premier

After that extended run through Asia, we finish today’s Globetrotting Track in Africa.  This league cracks the top 24, but needs to be twice as good to get two berths into the CAF Champions League.

Their season is just getting started.  Azam finished #B last year.  1st-place Simba SC outscored them by nearly a 2:1 margin.  Mwadui were 10th of 16.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for shinyanga diamond mine

 

So long from Shinyanga, Tanzania!

Home of FC Mwadui and where the first big diamond find was made outside S.A.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (8/25) – MLS, NWSL, Noob’s fave Fighting Cherries

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Plenty of ‘Muricuh, North ‘Muricuh, Caribbean spice and then footyball flavors from the world over.   Savory.  Let’s eat.

  1. Philadelphia Union vs. New England Revolution – Major League Soccer

Hard to believe New England are still in the playoff hunt, just four points behind Philadelphia for 6th and the last postseason berth.  They haven’t won a match since June and have given up multiple goals every match but the first in this nasty streak of seven.

The Union, meanwhile, have won three in a row, including one that puts them in the Final for the US Open Cup next month.  The defense has been good, but the offense has been superb.  If the teams continue to trend as they have, this match could get out of hand in a hurry.

If New England hope to right the ship, Matt Turner’s got to get it together in goal.  But Noob thinks that the weak link in the back line has been on the right side.  Andrew Farrell was an all-star in 2016, but he’s playing like an all-stooge right now.   (7:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Philly   1-0       Statistically, Farrell and Turner were the second and third-worst defenders for either team today.

Image result for andrew farrell new england revolution funny

 

 

Somehow, Andrew just doesn’t look… ready.

B.  Seattle Reign vs. North Carolina Courage – National Women’s Soccer League

A quite probable preview of the postseason Final is on tonight for NWSL.   With two matches to go in the regular season, North Carolina has (long since) clinched the Supporters Shield and.   Seattle is also now guaranteed a playoff spot, #B in the standings, up four on Portland.

Noob thinks they’ll both play like this IS the playoffs, not rest many or any starters.  If so, Seattle is only an even match at best tonight, even at home.  NCC score nearly twice as much.

RESULT:   1-1     The Courage got the equalizer at 90′

Image result for BB

 

 

Twice the Number B?

What’s not to love?

  1. Monterrey vs. Morelia – Liga MX

Plain and simple, two of Mexico’s best face off tonight.  Everyone’s chasing Cruz Azul right now, but these two are #B and #4.  The story tonight might be Morelia’s defense.   Every win but their first has been by just one goal, with only one clean sheet over that stretch.   (10:06 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   2-2

  1. AFC Bournemouth vs. Everton – English Premier League

Noob tries not to play favorites in determining which matches are track-worthy.  But it truly looks like my Fighting Cherries hosting last year’s #8 in Everton is the best, most competitive British match o’ the day!

AFC finished in 12th, tied with a couple teams that had better GD’s, last season.  This year, they’re one of six clubs to have one their first two matches.  Everton are 1-1-0, and this is the sort of match they didn’t always win last year – and need to – if they want to climb even just one more notch in the table and get at least a Europa League berth.

RESULT:   2-2      What a wild one.  Everton went down a man just before the half, but took the lead in the second.   Then a Cherry got a red card and Everton scored again.  Two late-ish goals – including one from kit model-Josh King, earned AFCB the draw.

AFC Bournemouth home

 

 

Josh King, sporting the new AFCB kit

  1. Juventus vs. Lazio – Serie A

These are last year’s Italian champs and #5 finishers, respectively.  This could be one wild, woolly match.

Juventus now have the world’s best player, Cristiano Ronaldo.  They add him to what was already the best offense in the league, save one club.  And that one club was Lazio, though they scored very much at the expense of their defense.

Juventus barely beat lowly ChievoVerona 2-3 in their opening match, getting the game-winner in the 93’.  Lazio lost their first on the road at last season’s runner-up, Napoli.  Talk about your tough matches to start a year.   (12:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Juve   2-0

  1. Cuba vs. Trinidad and Tobago – women’s World Cup qualification

This is the CONCACAF Women’s Championship, dually serving as WC qualifying event.  The first qualifying group stage just concluded.  Five Groups of Caribbean national teams played, out of which only the winners advanced.

In this next qualifying round, those five all play in one pod.  Three will advance to the final round.  (Another pod of Central American teams also starts play at this round, out of which two will advance.)

Cuba is ranked just 85th  in the world, while T&T is 50th.  Cuba outscored opponents last round 22-3.  T&T surpassed even that, racking up a 27-1 to one margin (and still only advancing on tiebreaker!).

RESULT:   T&T   2-3

Image result for Trinidad and Tobago women's soccer 2018

 

 

T&T women’s national team

  1. Benfica vs. Sporting CP – Portugal Primeira Liga

Portugal’s top flite league has held steady in the UEFA rankings at #7.  That means they’re the best league that will still get only two Champions League berths.

Last season, Benfica got the second one, with Sporting just missing out in 3rd.  Benfica were a lot better on offense and Sporting’s equal on defense, more or less.  They’ve each one both their matches to start to the 2018-19 campaign.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – Japan J1 League

A 1-5 matchup in a league this size isn’t usually quite shiny enough to capture Noob’s wandering gaze.  But this site has its the Management and he is a Japanophile and must be appeased!

The top three will make the next AFC Champions League, and there’s a seven-point gap between 3rd and the rest with two thirds of the season in the books.  Hiroshima had a chance to practically wrap up the league title with a win their last match out, but current #B beat them on their own pitch.

C.Osaka statistically aren’t really much better than average, and so are probably just an even shot to win or draw at home today.

RESULT:   Hiroshima   0-1

Image result for management funny

 

 

Do you see, do you see what Noob must live with?

  1. Atletico Junior vs. Independiente Medellin – Colombia Primera A

In Colombia, the top eight (of 20) clubs will make the postseason tournament.  These two are part of a three-way tie for 3rd just a few matches into the Finalizacion (second half-season, same as a Clausura in other leagues).

You probably need a pretty deep satellite package to get RCN Tele Nuestre, but the match will be there at 9:00 PM.

RESULT:   Junior   2-1

  1. BATE Borisov vs. FK Vitebsk – Belarus Premier

Let’s end the Track with a 1 versus B-matchup!

Just over halfway through the season, BATE are up seven points in the table on both their guests today and Dinamo Minsk.  All three play about the same defense, but these two are a load better than D.Minsk on offense.  This will be a two-horse race soon enough.

RESULT:   1-1     BATE gets the equalizer right at 90′

Image result for Barysaw Belarus

 

 

So long from Borisov Stadium!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (8/11) – MLS, NWSL, soccer eye candy galore

“The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.”

Weekends are where Noob has a cornucopia of delicious match choice to offer.  Welcome to the Splendid Footyball Buffer.  Take a clean plate up, please, when Noob puts up Sunday’s Track matches.

  1. LAFC vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

The top two seeds in each contest will get byes in when the Playoffs come around.  These two tied for 3rd in the Western Conference right now.   Both have been even higher, but had or have been slipping of late.

LAFC still sports the most goals scored in the West.  They suffer for it defensively though.  They just lost a thrilling US Open Cup semifinal to Houston Dynamo, have not won any league matches out of their last four.

Kansas City was on a three-match losing skid themselves.  But they got out of their tailspin last match.  Which was against and at Houston.  They hadn’t allowed fewer than two goals and won since June before this 0-1 win.

The Management, what which his KC tied, will be pulling for Sporting.  Noob thinks it will be a happy day for him, that LAFC will do no better than a draw at home today.  Legs just won’t be as fresh after the Cup match.

RESULT:   KC   0-2

B.  Orlando Pride vs. Portland Thorns – National Women’s Soccer League

The Pride are in 3rd, but have played the most league matches.  Portland is 4th and just a point back.  Top four clubs in the league make the Postseason, where North Carolina will squash everyone like bugs.

OK, here’s what’s really on Noob’s mind here at Number B.  I was recently vacationing in Florida and wound up at the Orlando Science Museum.  It was very nice.  I astonished at what could be done with a tax base like that city has.  I would go back.

Is Noob an unforgiveable hypocrite?  One of this site’s very open sub-quests has been to denounce cities built on swamps.  Bad urban planning!   I’ve done nothing but spew bile and vitriol at Orlando and cities like them, awaiting the days when they suddenly start sinking into he moors below, never to return.

Orlando Science Museum, at the very least, thank you for reminding Noob that not everything in life is black and white.  You’re something wonderful in a place where Noob expected nothing of the sort.

But you’re still going to sink with the rest of the ill-fated city.  Run, Orlando Science Museum!  Your fate is already set.  Can’t fight science.

RESULT:   Portland   0-2

Image result for letter B swamp monster

 

 

Number B agrees that a Swamp City’s fate is terrifying to behold.

  1. CF America vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

In the 2017-18 Clausura (second half-tournament), these two tied for runners-up in the league, separated by only one goal in differential.  They’re just three matches into the new season, but these two are near the top again.

Monterrey is the really fun team to watch, assuming a Noobite enjoys offense.  You can do just that tonight at 10:00 (EST)  on Univision.

RESULT:   CFA   3-0

vs Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier

Premier League is back!

These two finished 10th and 3rd last season.  Both will need to have procured more offensive firepower to make the leap to their next goals (vying for Europa League invite, winning the league).

For Noobites who weren’t with us last season, here’s the most crucial need to know.  Hotspur was the nickname of Harry Percy, an historical English figure who was a traitor several times over.  If Novichok had been around, someone would’ve sneaked it into his liquor.

Noob carries no truck with such!  Name your club after a spineless coward?   How their star Harry Kane hasn’t demanded a trade anywhere else for the shame of it all is beyond Noob.

RESULT:   1-2   Traitorous Ones   *shakes fist*

Image result for sir topham hatt angry

 

 

Noob refuses to use Hotspur’s full name.

They make the Fat Controller very cross.

  1. Phoenix Rising vs. Orange County FC – United Soccer League

Perhaps noob can control his blood pressure after that fit by returning to some soothing second division American footyball.

Orange County is on a hot streak, not having in over a month.  Phoenix have come off of their midsummer run, been up and down here during the dog days.   They are #B and #3 in the tougher Western Conference.  The top eight in each make the Playoffs, so today for them is about doing more to secure some home pitch advantage.

RESULT:   the O.C.   3-4

  1. CD Marathon vs. CD Olimpia – Honduras National League

CONCACAF me, baybeeeee.   Noob always likes to shine the light on teams from our confederation.

Marathon narrowly won both the last Clausura and the postseason tournament.  But thery’re nowhere near a runaway-best.  And Olimpia finished 3rd and had the best GD, so this should be a dandy matchup.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for honduras funny

 

 

It’s going to be a long season for some Noobites.

  1. Shakhtar Donestsk vs. Vorskla – Ukraine Premier

Noob always feels the need to defend spending space on Ukraine.  It likely comes from not having myself been aware just how good the league is before starting this site.  Theirs is the #8-ranked league in UEFA, ahead of nations like Netherlands, Turkey, Belgium and Denmark.

That said, it is very much a top-heavy league.  Today’s hosts and Dynamo Kyiv are the only powers there.  Donetsk won the 2017-18 campaign.

Vorskla finished a distant third, the best of the rest.  If they gave any chance of an upset today, it will be playing their trademark defense.  They’re not holding their breath in Potlava on this possibility.

RESULT:   Donetsk   4-1

  1. Blarney United vs. Derry City – FAI Cup (Ireland)

Ireland’s FA Cup is in its First Round, though this is actually the second round of the event.  32 teams remain in the competition.

Blarney play out of the second division of three in the nationally third-tier Munster Senior League.  If you like Minnows, this is a team for you.  They got a fortunate draw and get to host this single-match knockout match.  They’ll still be mighty underdogs to midtable Premier side Derry.

RESULT:   Derry   2-12     See, guys — that’s just mean.

Image result for blarney united fc

 

 

Noob’s no engineer, but it feels like maybe sound structural principals were tossed to the wayside here.

  1. Union La Calera vs. Universidad Catolica – Chile Premier

OK, so maybe some MLS match featuring a couple also-rans might still be “more important” to Noob’s mission statement-target demo – “the newish American fans of the global game”.   The word “global” in there is no accident, more than just filler.  Here, we’re always going to be soccer-citizens of the world, learn a little about leagues and teams everywhere.

So without further adieu, welcome to the Track, La Carera!  First-time here, almost certainly since they were just promoted from the second division this season.  And here they are in 3rd, and just four points behind the two league leaders in the table.  Impressive debut!

This league’s season is halfway through.  La Carera didn’t beat either of the top two clubs, and U. Catolica is one of those.  Even though that first match went just 1-0 to the traditional powerhouse, it’s hard for Noob to imagine ULC can hang on to this table position a whole year.  It’s been a nice run, and Noob hopes he’s wrong about the demise I think you’re about to meet.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Consadole Sapporo vs. Cereso Osaka – Japan J1 League

Despite finishing in the bottom half of the league last year, Cerezo Osaka won the Emperor’s Cup and League Cup both.  As winners of the latter, they got to play in a money match with Argentina’s Independiente, the Sugura Bank Championship (but lost).  They’re currently just 7th in the league.

Sapporo are in 4th place, though well back of the league’s two primary leaders.  This isn’t normally a match Noob would Track, based on their table positions.  But The Management must be appeased.

The Management is a Japanophile. Noob likes to keep him sated by tossing him the occasional bone when it’s been too long since this league has offered up a premium matchup.

On a side note, he just got to meet or at least see Japanese soccer legend Keisuke Honda.  Keisuke is the only Japanese player to have scored in three different World Cups, including one against Senegal just a couple months ago.  He was most recently with CSKA Moscow, but signed with Aussie juggernauts Melbourne Victory just days ago.

Noob’s waiting on getting a signed something-or-other.  A napkin, but of toilet tissue – Noob’s has no pride.  And I will be holding my breath awaiting its arrival.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for keisuke honda funny

 

 

So long ’til tomorrow, from Noob and Keisuke!

 

Um, should we put on an R. Kelly slow jam, Mr. Honda?

’10 to Track’ midweek Edition soccer matches – US Open Cup Semis lead the way

The ten most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

As the big Euro leagues start to roust themselves, it’s getting harder to justify a single Midweek Edition Track!  Soon, there will be re-expansion.

For now, Noob remains efficient.  Match previews are now posted through Wednesday.

Twitter:  @SoccerNoobUSA

Tuesday

  1. Dorados de Sinaloa vs. CF America – Copa MX

Welcome back to the Apertura (first half-season) Mexican FA Cup.   We’re still in the Group Stage – nine pods of three teams playing a single-round robin, with winners and the seven best runners-up advancing.

Veracruz lost both of their matches so far, so one of these two will win the Group.  Cups tournaments, for Noob, are all about looking for Minnow until their late stages.  Sinaloa is our underdog del dia.  They finished #B in their Clausura in the Ascenso MX (second tier) last season.

CF America is really good, so los Dorados will need all the home pitch advantage they can squeeze out of today.   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   0-0      With a match to go, these two have now both clinched at least runner-up status in the Group.  Still, two of the runners-up in this stage will not advance, so all still bears watching.

B.  Chelsea vs. Lyon – International Champions Cup

Most teams that aren’t already done are playing their third and final matches of this event.  That is the case for these two.  It’s just glorified friendlies, so the results don’t matter really, but these two are tied for 10th.  This is a home match for Chelsea, which is weird for this event.

Soon, their leagues will begin, so maybe the club will actually start their real lineups.   (3:00 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-0  /  5-4  pk

Image result for letter B sunglasses

 

 

Number B, already keepin’ it real.

Charming the ladies.  Unlike that poser Number Two.

 

Wednesday

  1. Houston Dynamo vs. LAFC – U.S. Open Cup

It’s the Semifinals of America’s FA Cup today!  This is a knockout format, so no return leg to Los Angeles.

Both teams have been on skids in MLS.  Houston has lost three in a row, sunk all the way to 10th place in the West.  Since they’re almost certainly not Playoff-bound, perhaps this means they’ll be super focused on chasing this trophy.  Not every team is necessarily.

That brings us to LAFC, who are also winless in their last three.  They’re in 4th out West, seem very much in line for a postseason berth.  That’s hardly guaranteed, but they are also shooting for a top two-seed, good for one or more home pitch Playoff games.

LAFC seems more likely to sprinkle in more reserves and/or subs today.  between that and the GD between these two not being too far apart – despite the difference in table position – and Noob finds himself believing in Houston.  Not that Noob would ever, ever root for a city built on a swamp.  Down with bad urban planning!  (Don’t judge me poorly.  That cause is JUST.)

RESULT:   Houston   3-3  /  7-6  pk       Diego Rossi had all three goals for LAFC in the loss.

  1. Utah Royals vs. Washington Spirit – National Women’s Soccer League

This isn’t likely a match with playoff implications, but expansion Utah isn’t totally out of that picture.  The top four will advance.  Utah is in 6th, and got a surprising point two matches ago against might NC Courage.  They followed that up with a solid road win at so-so Houston.

Washington has lost six straight and sit in second-to-last.  They’re so bad, Noob wonders if they would even beat MLS’ D.C. United…

OK, that was mean.  But was it unfair?

RESULT:   Utah   1-0

Image result for that was mean

 

You’re no Richard Dawson!!  

Get off Noob’s back, Harvey.

  1. UNAL Tigres vs. Tapachula – Copa MX

The Group Stage rolls onward!  Nine pods of three.  Double round robin format.  All winners and seven runners-up will advance.

Tapachula are one of the two Ascenso MX clubs in Group 9.  We Tracked them once already this stage, so we’re going to have some fun continuing to follow them. They got a draw in their first match with San Luis.  They’ve been on a great roll, having won the 2017-18 Clausura Ligulla.

UNAL needs to show why they’re a Liga MX team today, after dropping their first match to San Luis.

RESULT:   0-0     

  1. Celtic vs. AEK Athens – UEFA Champions League

This is the Third Qualifying Round.  After this, there is a Playoff Round to determine final entrants into the Group Stage, where the big boys of Europe enter the tournament.

This round is where Athens enters as the Greek Super League (15-ranked) champs.  Celtic, out of Scotland’s league (ranked #26) entered two rounds ago, has so far clobbered Armenian and Norwegian teams.

Despite the difference in league ranking, Celtic is the more accomplished team internationally in recent years, should be favored by a goal at home.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for AEK supporters riot

 

 

But are you ready for the standard Greek fans, Scotland?

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Toronto FC – Canadiaian Championship

This is just a four-team affair between Canadia’s three MLS teams and the USL’s Ottawa Fury.  The winner gets Canadia’s berth into the CONCACAF Champions League though.  As the country’s soccer federation soon has it’s own broader league (though without the MLS teams), Noob wonder’s if this Championship will field a lot more clubs in the coming years.

Vancouver is 7th place in MLS’ Western Conference, fighting for a top six regular season finish and Playoff berth.  Will they play all starters here?  Toronto are 9th in the east.  As they made the Final of the last CONCACAF CL and are less likely to get an MLS playoff berth, perhaps the will be more inclined to throw total effort into this affair.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Independiente – Sugura Bank Championship

This is a strange annual match.  It’s always in Japan, so Noob assumes sponsor Sugura Bank just pays both teams a pile of yen to show up for a glorified friendly.

This pits the J.League Cup winner – not the J.League regular season champ – from last year against the defending Copa Sudamericana (South America’s answer to Europa League) titleholder.

To give some idea of the relative strengths of the clubs, know that C.Osaka would be among the very favorites to win MLS if they played here.  And Argentina’s Independiente would probably beat them about 2/3 of the time on neutral pitches.

RESULT:   Independiente   0-1

Image result for scrooge mcduck pile of money gif

 

 

Winners get to go to the bank CEO’s house, go full Scrooge McDuck dive into a bottomless pit of yen.

  1. Home United vs. Ceres-Negros FC – AFC Cup

This is Asia’s secondary Cup tournament for clubs, though not really analogous to Europa League or Copa Sudamericana.  Clubs participating in this qualify out of countries identified by the AFC as soccer “developing” and “emerging” soccer nations.   Google up the criteria specifics if you are so inclined Noobites.  We streamline things here.

There are five geographically-based “zones” out of which clubs will advance to Inter-Zonal Finals and then final Finals.  This match is the second leg of the ASEAN (southeast Asia) Zonal Final.  They drew the first match.

Home United qualified by finishing 3rd in Singapore’s top league, which is ranked just above average in Asia.  This would not be high enough, but the champs are a Japanese club satellite team, and so ineligible for international competition.  The #B team got into AFC Champions League.

Ceres-Negros are from the Philippines, the runaway winners of their slightly better top-flite league.  It is ranked #17 in Asia.  They actually played in the pre-Group Stage of the AFC CL, but didn’t make the Group Stage, so they can still play in this one.  That’s nice.

RESULT:   Home   2-0

Thursday

  1. Cerro Porteño vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

The Round of 16 in South America’s version of Champions League is here.  This is the first match of the two-legged tie for these two.

Palmeiras qualified for the CL by finishing runner up in Brazil’s Serie A last year.  They went undefeated in the Group Stage to get to this Round, with an average match result of a two-goal victory per.

Paraguay’s top entrant finished #B in their Group, even goal differential.  They’re good.  But even at home, their only maybe an even match for their guests today.  The winner will take on either Chile’s Colo-Colo or Corinthians from Brazil – a traditional behemoth either way.

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

Image result for General Pablo Rojas Stadium

 

 

So long from La Olla Nueva, Asuncion, Paraguay!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (5/20) – MLS, La Liga Final lead us!

Gotta be honest.  Noob’s as weird here as ever with the match previews, and pretty scattershot to boot.   Madonna, Grover, a love-lorn Noob.   None of it related, all of it bizarre.

Still, these are the ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow.  Noob will never compromise, despite the packaging. 🙂

  1. Atlanta United vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

#1 hosts #5 in a matchup that’s even more exciting than that!  NYRB have played 1-4 fewer games than most teams in the Eastern Conference, will very likely climb the table.

But likely not today.  Atlanta’s home field advantage – thanks to league-leading attendance – has to loom large.  If Red Bulls are to pull off a road upset today, they’ll need to keep scoring like they’ve been, get a big game from British national forward Bradley Wright-Phillips.   (7:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   1-3   NYRB     Two goals for Wright-Phillips.  Red Bulls climb to 4th place.

Image result for Bradley Wright-Phillips

 

 

 

Congratulations…?

B.  Toluca vs. Santos – Liga MX

The Final!   League #4 Santos won the first leg 2-1.  But now they get to deal with the league’s regular season-leading defense and champs in Toluca.  In their last meeting outside this Liguilla (postseason tournament),Toluca stymied Santos’ usually-impressive offense 2-0.   (6:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   1-1    Your Clausura champions are Santos!  1-2 on aggregate

Image result for letter B singing

 

Number B is in a musical mood.  Super.

Noob’ll work in some Madonna for no reason whatsoever!

  1. Lazio vs. Inter Milan – Serie A

Italy gets four clubs into Champions League and Lazio is sitting on that last one.  Inter only trail them by three.  If Inter win, then they win the first tiebreaker, which is head-to-head points.  (They drew in their other match this season.)

Catch this one on beIN Sports (2:45 PM) if you can, Noobites.  Lazio lead the league in scoring, but also gave up way more goals than any other team anywhere near top of the table.

Image result for lazio defense

 

 

“Strike a pose/ there’s nothing to it…”

  1. Aves vs. Sporting CP – Taca de Portugal

It’s an FA Cup Final!   They’ll play it in Lisbon, if not on Sporting’s home pitch.

Desportivo das Aves have had a wonderful run in this event, but it looks to end here.  They finished 13th in Primeira Liga for a reason.  #3 Sporting are more defensively-styled themselves, but should have little trouble permeating Aves’ poor defense.

RESULT:   Aves   2-1    After finishing 3rd in the league, Sporting CP fans basically rioted at the team HQ.   Noob is terrified what they’ll do after this result.

Image result for desportivo das aves funny

“I can feel your heart beat/ for the very first tiiiime…”

*head bop*

Enough of that now.

  1. Saprissa vs. Herediano – Costa Rica Premier

A Final!   Noob may not understand how exactly Saprissa qualified for it, but they’re here!  Herediano won both the Apertura and Clausura (first and second half-season tournaments).  Saprissa finished #B in the aggregate table for both.  The first leg between these two went 1-1 at Herediano.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …needing to find someone to edumuhcate me on Costa Rican league format.  Que lastima.

RESULT:   Saprissa   0-0 /  4-3 PK      So away-goals wasn’t a tiebreaker in Costa Rica.  In any case, kudos to the champs!

  1. Alianza vs. Santa Tecla – El Salvador Premier

This Final is interesting because it’s played as a two-legged tie, but both ties are at a neutral site.  Well, technically.  It’s not their home pitch, but they’re in San Salvador, Alianza’s home city.  Perhaps that helped them win the first leg 2-0.

These two finished in #1 and #B in the Clausura, respectively.  A bit strangely, it’s #B Santa Tecla that boasted both the top offense and defense.   (5:00 PM, Centroamerica TV)

RESULT:    Alianza   1-0     

Image result for El Salvador football funny

Noob thinks this is a zing of some kind.  I wish Grover there would translate.  (Grover??)

  1. Universidad de Concepcion vs. Universidad Catolica – Chile Premier

Catolica are #1, having only allowed eight goals all season.  That’s almost twice as good as the next-best teams.  Meanwhile, #3 Concepcion have won an astounding nine consecutive matches.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Concepcion moving into a tie for the league lead, 2-1.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Hammarby vs. AIK – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Pass the pitted drupes, it’s #1 vs. #B!  Neither has lost yet, though AIK has drawn in nearly half their games.  Hammarby finished merely 9th last year.   This season, they’ve ramped up the offense and then some.  Their defense is still sketchy at best, so perennial power AIK can’t be counted out.

RESULT:   AIK   0-1

Image result for pitted drupes

 

 

They know their stone fruits in Sweden.  Snack on.

  1. Sanfrecce Hiroshima vs. Cerezo Osaka – Japan J1 League

Japanophile The Management must be appeased!   Well, plus Noob likes to spread his coverage-love around geographically.   And this is a sterling matchup.

Hiroshima have won 13 of their 15 matches.  They barely missed being Relegated a year ago!  The difference?  Defense.  Just five goals conceded in thus far.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Well, more feels that C.Osaka have overachieved in winning three straight matches.  Hiroshima continues it’s league onslaught, 4-1.

RESULT:   Cerezo Osaka   0-2

  1. Tampines Rovers vs. Albirex Niigata – Singapore S. League

Double I’s.  Noob is once again transfixed.  Why do you torture me so?  I know my love for you is unreturned, double I’s.  Do you even know Noob?  Would you look at me if we passed each other along the Marina Bay waterfront?

Oh yes, and #B faces #1.

RESULT:   Albirex Niigata   3-4

Top 7 Romantic Attractions in Singapore

 

So long from Marina Bay, Singapore!

Where Noob waits beyond hope for double-i’s…

’10 to Track’ – Relegation Monday starts 2018

Glory be!  Noob starts off the new year with with our Monday tradition – celebrating and getting to know teams that are performing so poorly, their leagues will soon give them the heave-ho.

As always, we start off with a few non-Relegation games of import:

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Yokohama F. Marinos – Emperor’s Cup (Japan)

RESULT:   Cerezo Osaka 2-1  aet      Congratulations to the cherry blossoms!  Getting the hardware in extra time.

The Final!  Japan’s top league Cup comes down to a one-off between the league’s 3rd and 5th place teams.   Cerezo is better on both sides of the ball, but that just points out tough and gritty Yokohama was winning close games all season.

This game gets held at neutral site Saitama, host city for Noob-fave Urawa Red Diamonds.

Image result for the situation abs

 

“Jersey Shore” star The Situation here.  I may be glorifying my abs, but I’m crying on the inside.  

They can’t have a game in Tokyo’s version of Jersey and not have Urawa playing.  They just can’t.

 

B.  Derby County vs. Sheffield United – English Championship League

RESULT:   1-1      Derby remain in 2nd, Sheffield Utd. slip to 7th

Primo second-tier matchup.   Derby County is in 2nd, one of two in position to be promoted to Premier League automatically at season’s end.  But two teams lurk a just a point behind.

3rd through 6th-place sides qualify for a playoff to determine what third team gets moved up.  Sheffield Utd. are in a dead heat for that last spot right now.

  1. USMM Hadjout vs. RC Oued Rhiou – Algerian FA Cup

A really bad tier-three team hit the road to take on a club Noob thinks is at the same level.   So, get ready to rock out with your Hadjout, Noobites.

RESULT:   Oued Rhiou 1-2      The Fighting Scrabble Vowel-Dumps move on to the round of 32!

Image result for hadj

 

Is someone gonna get on that stage and rock “Freebird”?

  1. Bolton Wanderers vs. Hull City – English Championship League

RESULT:   Bolton   1-0      Wanderers climb out of the Drop Zone

Bolton, are you about to stop sucking?  Three teams will get dropped from this league, and the Wanderers are in that group – but barely.  They’re only behind Sunderland on goal differential, who are above the line.  And this game is winnable, as Hull City is only in 19th.

Fun Fact:   Bolton were also known as “the Trotters”.  One argued derivation is that players used to have to trot through pigpens at their old field when the ball went out of bounds.

  1. Scunthorpe United vs. Bury – League One

RESULT:   Scunthorpe   1-0

Bury is in last place in England’s this tier-league.  And since four clubs will get Dropped into League two, things look dark for them.  A road game at #4 Scunthorpe isn’t going to help them start the new year off right.

Less-than-Fun Fact:  The town Bury used to be known for tripe, the stomachs of farm animals.  As food.  Maybe this is arbitrary of Noob, since we eat other aminal parts, but that’s awful.

Image result for tripe

 

Is this what that Will Smith movie was about?

  1. Ballinamallard United vs. Crusaders – Northern Ireland Premier

RESULT:   Crusaders   0-3

Only one team from this league gets automatically Relegated, and it’s Ballinmallard by a landslide right now.  Crusaders are #2 in the league, just two points out of 1st and the only Champions League berth to be had here.

Fun Fact:  Ballinamallard the village is only an eighth the size of the very close-by town of Ennniskillen.  Despite this, the town’s football club doesn’t appear to be even in the top four levels of Northern Ireland’s pyramid.

  1. Aberystwyth Town vs. Carmarthen Town – Welsh Premier League

RESULT:   Carmarthen   1-2      More Relegation Monday suckcess!  Though they’re still in last

Two teams will get Relegated to one of two lower leagues after this season.  Carmarthen has only half as many wins as the second-to-last club.  Still, if they have any chance of a road win this year, it’s this match.  Aberystwyth is only in 8th.

Fun Fact:  Carmarthen translates to “Merlin’s fort”.  Arthurian legend arguably puts Merlin’s birthplace just outside this town.

Image result for Merlin fort carmarthen

 

“You shall not pass… to that body shop!!”

(Noob’s mixing his wizards and does not care.)

  1. Bnei Sakhnin vs. Maccabi Tel Aviv – Israeli Premier

RESULT:   MTA   0-1

The bottom eight of the 14 teams in this league will play in a Relegation-avoidance tournament at season’s end.  Sakhnin is in 8th, yet they’re too many points down to have a real chance at climbing into the top six.  And they just can’t score.  MTA are in 4th.

Fun Fact:  Sakhnin is the most successful Arab Israeli team in history.

  1. Mwadui vs. Ruvu Shooting – Tanzania Premier

RESULT:   Mwadui   2-1      The winners climb all the way to 9th! 

14th hosts 13th here.  Either of these sides could end up getting the Boot.

  1. Five Islands vs. Empire – Antigua and Barbuda Premier

RESULT:   2-2      Turns out this was played on 12/30

Here, 1st hosts last place.  Empire is one of what look like seven teams that play at the same stadium in St. John’s.

Image result for empire football antigua and barbuda

 

 

Empire Football- the ones with bowling shoes.

’10 to Track’- Fri 12/21 – Premier League soccer to hitting on Betty White

TGIGF — Thank goodness it’s Globetrotting Friday!  With T2T, Noob daily points out the best matchups from top leagues of the world.  They glisten like dewdrops on a spring morn.

Fridays, we wax a different kind of poetically.  With “big leagues” not offering as much, we go in search of diamonds in the rough.  Noob always starts us off with more familiar locales, but then we jet off to parts less known and heralded.

Come, Noobites, let’s safari into the footyball jungle.

  1. Arsenal vs. Liverpool – English Premier

EPL sends its top four to next year’s Champions League.  With Manchester City nearly running away with the title now, top four is the goal.

These two are in 5th and 4th place respectively, separated by just one point in the table.  Arsenal haven’t lost in their last four league matches, but Liverpool better than doubles that.

There’s a rumor that the winners will get to feast on unlimited figgy pudding.   That rumor exists because Noob just started it.

RESULT:   3-3

Image result for world record figgy pudding

 

We don’t need no water, let the figgy pudding burn.

 

Burn figgy pudding, burn.

 

B.  Vitoria de Setubal vs. Braga – Portugal League Cup

The remaining 16 teams in this event are divided into Groups of four, where they play a round-robin.  Only the winners of each Group advance.

Even though they’ve only played one of their three games, if VdS can win today, they win their Group.  This would be a nice salve on a awful league season.  They’re in dead last.   Braga is in 4th in the Primeira Liga.

RESULT:    Setubal   2-1      VdS will advance!

  1. Lugo vs. Rayo Vallecano – Spain Segunda Division

4th place hosts 5th in Spain’s second division.   The top two from this league are automatically promoted to La Liga.  The next four play in a mini-tournament for a promotion.

The top seven in this league are in an absolute dogfight in the table.  Just second division?  Sure.   But the chance to get moved up into arguably the world’s best league make this intense.

Fun(ny) fact:  Lugo is nicknamed O xogo bonito – “the Beautiful Game”.  You know, what soccer itself is nicknamed.  Noob thinks you need to be a LOT higher in world stature to hold that moniker down.

RESULT:   Vallecano   1-2

Image result for bad nickname funny

 

Betty!!  

(Care to “Track Noob’s ten”?)

 

  1. Telstar vs. De Graafschap – Dutch Eerste Divisie

This Netherlands league only auto-promotes its champion into the top tier, the Eredivisie.   Eight teams from here, plus to in the top-flight, have a postseason playoff to see which two teams move/stay up.

These two are in good shape so far, in 4th and 5th place.  More, one of the teams ahead of them is an ineligible-for-promotion reserve team.   Telstar actually have a negative goal differential, however, could be a candidate to start falling.   Noobstradamus smells a road win in the works.

RESULT:   Telstar   3-2

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Vissel Kobe – Japan Emperor’s Cup

This is essentially Japan’s FA Cup, and it has reached the Semifinals.

Presumably C.Osaka is hosting by virtue of its higher league finish this season (3rd).  Kobe finished in 9th, so this has been a surprising run for them.  It likely ends here.  The hosts were better in league by nearly a goal per game, and beat them 3-1 a month ago.

RESULT:   Cerezo   1-3 (AET)     What a match!   Each team scored in at 90′, and then C.Osaka added two more in extra time.

Image result for beat you again

  1. Kuwait vs. Saudi Arabia – Arabian Gulf Cup

Noob previously labeled this “Gulf Cup of Nations”.  The above appears to be the more official name.  This confederation includes seven Gulf nations, plus Yemen.  The event is just starting its Group Stage – two groups of four each.  The top two finishers from each will advance.

After much political to-do, they finally decided to hold it in Kuwait this year.   Despite getting to play this match at home, Kuwait is in trouble here.  They are three times farther down the FIFA rankings than the Saudis.

RESULT:   Saudi Arabia   1-2

  1. United Arab Emirates vs. Oman – Arabian Gulf Cup

UAE should definitely be favored, but this one should at least be more competitive.  They are FIFA-ranked #73 and #101 respectively.

RESULT:   UAE   1-0

Image result for oman funny

 

 

 

With some sports, everyone’s a loser.

 

 

  1. Pirae vs. Dragon – Tahiti Ligue 1

Yep!   They run around and sweat profusely, even in paradise.  This match up features #2 hosting #1.  Looking at GD and with Pirae hosting, this looks to be a very even matchup.  Dragon lights it up, scoring at a four games per goal pace.   I don’t care what nation league it’s in, that’s incredible.

Fun fact:   Pirae were the first French Polynesia Club to ever win the OCF (Oceania) Champions League, back in ’06.

RESULT:   Dragon   2-5

Image result for tahiti soccer

 

The only soccer that should be allowed in Tahiti.  

 

  1. Jinja SSS vs. SC Villa – Uganda Super League

This doesn’t seem to be a very high-scoring league.   Villa is on top of the table, but doesn’t average even two goals per contest.   Jinja sits in 9th.

Fun Fact:  The city of Jinja’s largest employer is a sugar works (Kakira).

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for kakira sugar works

  1. Kamza vs. Flamurtari – Albania Superliga

Back to Europe to close things out!   Noob’s initial scouting had included an Egyptian Premier match, but ENPPI fell too far in the standings for me to give a poop about them now.  Be gone, “the Petroleum Team”!

League #3 hosts #5.  Skënderbeu Korçë is running away with the leagues one Champions League berth.   The Europa League slot the 2nd and 3rd place teams will get an open race though.   Kamza was just promoted from the second-tier First Division last year, so they’re doing well to just be two points out of one of those.

RESULT:   Flamurtari   0-3

Image result for can't unseeNo kidding.  Noob Googled “Team Petroleum”.  

Judgement error.