Tag: Champions League

’10 to Track’ soccer matches midweek edition: UEFA Champions League returns!

Relegation Monday saw an astounding three upsets from yesterday’s feature matches.  And now we get to huddle around the life-giving light that is UEFA Champions League.

Rejoice, give thanks… and watch out for the armed Lapalandic culinary madman at post’s end…

Tuesday, 2/13

  1. Juventus vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – UEFA Champions League

The Knockout Round begins!  We’re down to 16 teams.  The eight Group Stage winners will each face off against a randomly-drawn second place-finishesr.  Each pair will play a two-legged tie (two-match series, home and away) to determine who advances.

Hotspur carry the slightly-lesser international rating, but have been on fire in arguably the world’s toughest league. They also didn’t lose any Group Stage matches.

Juve recently took over first place in Italy’s Serie A.  Noob’s calling this one for the home team, and hopes it’s not his anti-Hotspur bias clouding his senses.

RESULT:   2-2      Reviled Hotspur actually dominated this game, but fell behind 0-2 early.

B.  Basel vs. Manchester City – UEFA Champions League

During the Group Stage and other international events, Noob sang the praises of the surprising Swiss.  But this is Man City, top of the English Premier heap.  Basel would do well to keep within a goal, even at home.

RESULT:   Man City   0-4

Image result for singing letter B

 

 

Number B sings, too.  

Even if she’s lyrically-challenged.

 

  1. CF América vs. Morelia – Liga MX

The hosts are #B in the league, one of two clubs to have not yet lost early here in the Clausura (second half-season).  They sport the best defense this go-round.  Morelia are not far behind, in 5th.

And the “Monarchs” will lose, MUST lose.   No kings and queens in North America!  Noob’s quest to tear down all monarch-named teams is right up there with the same for Hotspur and the quest for the world to accept Number B in all lists and rankings.

RESULT:   America   3-1

Honorable mention:   Crvena Zvezda/CSKA Moscow (Europa League), any AFC Champions League or Copa Sudamericana match, Santiago Wanderers/Santa Fe (Copa Libertadores qualification)

Wednesday, 2/14

  1. Real Madrid vs. Paris Saint-Germain – UEFA Champions League

Real Madrid are the defending champions, but only finished #B in their Group.  This matches up with them having slipped to 4th place in La Liga.

Meanwhile, PSG won their Group and has run away with the French top league title.  They’ve been a goal-scoring beast, and Noobstradamus is making this is Prognostication O’ the Week.  Real’s struggles continue with a home embarrassment – PSG:  0-2.

RESULT:   Real   3-1      PSG scored first, but that woke Real up, apparently

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

 

As embarrassing as my choice in head gear and my Forrest Whitaker-eye

  1. Porto vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League

Unlike the aforementioned Swiss, Portuguese teams have by and large failed to impress Noob on the world stage in recent months.  On paper, at home, they’re an even match for Liverpool.   Noob thinks this match will mirror the one above though.

RESULT:   Liverpool   0-5      FC Porto-potty.  Wow.

  1. Santos vs. León – Liga MX

Noob’s leaning toward León of late, for having signed American legend Landon Donovan midyear.  But apparently the move isn’t helping much on defense.  They may be in 6th, but teams are putting up pinball-numbers on them.  Santos is in 4th, and should hold serve at home.

RESULT:   Santos   5-1

Image result for Landon Donovan Leon

 

 

Es ella la domadora de leones?

  1. Independiente vs. Grêmio – Recopa Sudamericana

Wait, Noober – we know about Copa Sudamericana, but what in tarnation is this?

A fair question.  But don’t you think “Noober” is a little informal?  I am Noob!

The Management:   To whom are you even “talking”?

Write checks and stay quiet.  I’m the talent here.

The Management:  Using that term a little loosely, aren’t you, Noobstra-dumbass?

That hurts me to my core.   Hush now.

Anyway!   Last year’s Copa Libertadores and Copa Sudamericana champions play a two-legged tie for a trophy.  Why?   Because they’re shiny, and soccer players are like squirrels.  *nod*  The Argentinian side hosts Leg One.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Kashima Antlers vs. Shanghai Shenhua – AFC Champions League

Asian teams are playing their first games of the Group Stage in their C.L.

Kashima are the two-time defending J1 League champions.  Shenhua qualified by virtue of winning China’s FA Cup.  They really overachieved in that, given that they only managed to finish 11th of 16 teams in the Super League.  The Antlers are about to mess up their s—stuff.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for japan mess you up funny

 

 

NO clue.

But now MY stuff is certainly messed up.

  1. Shkëndia vs. Vardar Skopje – Macedonia First Football League

UEFA only rates this league #37 of 55 leagues on the continent.  So why bother?  It’s #1 versus #B!   Noob endeavors to never ignore such.  And though we be Noob and Noobite, we will broaden our footyball horizons even as we learn about the biggest and closest-to-home leagues.

These two have scored more than any other four teams in this league.  And the hosts are responsible for far more than their fair share of that.  Still, they only lead Vardar by six points in the table, with over 1/3 of the season to go.  And the visitors have the best defense, if not by leaps and bounds.

RESULT:   1-1

Honorable Mention:    Either of the two Copa Libertadores qualification matches today

Thursday, 2/15

  1. Östersunds vs. Arsenal – Europa League

Europe’s second-most prestigious international tournament enters its Round of 32 now.  The eight third-place Group Stage clubs from Champions League get booted down to join the two dozen 1st and Bth (second, if you must) -place finishers in the Knockout Round.

Swedish Ostersunds qualified by winning their FA Cup, just as Arsenal did.  English football is a weeee bit tougher.  Arsenal 1-3 seems proper, unless they don’t go full-bore here, try saving their energies for Premier League.

RESULT:   Arsenal   0-3

Dan the Intern-o Inferno and resident Swede-ophile, when asked for comment on this match, said he fervently hopes chicken boom boom will be available at the concessions.

Honorable Mention:   Any of the 14 other Europa League matches, Copa Libertadores qualification and Copa Sudamericana matches, Esperance/Etoile du Sahel (Tunisia)

’10 to Track’ soccer games for weekend! 2/3-4: post-Deadline Premier League leads the way

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”  Globetrotting Friday was sweet.  But now we can get downright bacchanalian on the weekend’s ten most worthwhile matches for us, the newish American fans!

Tip of the day:  Check back to any previous T2T to see the post-match results.

Saturday, 2/3

  1. Arsenal vs. Everton – English Premier League

Noob normally avoids getting in the weeds on specific players.  We are Noob and Noobite, and our focus for newish American fans like us here is teams and leagues.  But —

Trade/Transfer Deadline Day just passed in England, and #6 Arsenal made two big moves.  They picked up offensive superstar Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang from Borussia Dortmund for a massive pile of money.  Noob gathers there was also some question as to whether they would hold onto star Mesut Ōzil.  They did.

6th place is only good for maybe qualifying for Europa League.  They’ve fallen six points behind Noob-reviled Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur for 5th, a slot which would guarantee them that berth.  They’re eight points out of 4th place and a Champions League invite.  Will their new acquisition be enough to get them over the hump?  They should at least be able to keep 9th-place Everton’s weak offense muffled.

RESULT:   Arsenal   5-1

OTOH, some of us don’t want to get over the hump…

B.  Monterrey vs. Leon – Liga MX

In the Apertura half of the 2017-18 season, these two finished #B and #7 respectively.  A few games into the Clausura, they’re in 1st and 8th.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.

RESULT:   Monterrey   5-1

Image result for hip hop letter B

 

 

Old school!   Graffiti font Number B.

  1. FC Porto vs. Braga – Primeira Liga

Portugal’s top league has slipped just enough in the FIFA rankings that they lost a Champions League berth, so now only get two teams in.

Porto is #B right now, but have played one less game than 1st-place Sporting and only trail them by a point.  Defending league champ Benfica are hot on their heels, just two points back.  4th place-Braga will remain such to the end, Europa-bound.

Honorable mention today:  Borussia M’Gladbach vs. RB Leipzig, Sampdoria vs. Torino, Eibar vs. Sevilla, Benfica vs. Rio Ave

RESULT:   Porto   3-1

Sunday, 2/4

  1. Liverpool vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

First Liverpool traded their offensive superstar.  Now at the Deadline they’ve been woefully outbid by a bottom-rung team (West Brom) for their own star defender.

Liverpool is tied in the table for 3rd/4th with Chelsea, and the traitorously-named Hotspur club just two points behind them.  Since it’s the top four that get into Champions League, it may not be unfair to say this is the most interesting and perhaps important match of the year so far.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for cross Fat Conductor

 

 

Would you be less cross with Noob if I paid compliment on your pocket square?

  1. UNAM Pumas vs. UANL Tigres – Liga MX

UNAM finished last in the Apertura, but look at the Pumas now!  Sure, it’s just four games into the Clausura, but tied for 1st is shiny just the same.  Los Tigres finished 2nd, but are in 6th now, have had a tough defensive start to the second half.

RESULT:   UNAM   2-0

  1. AS Monaco vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

Monaco is in 4th, on the outside looking in for a Champions League berth.  But they’re only a single point behind #B’s Lyon and Marseille.

Lyon just lost 3-1 to Bordeaux, a missed opportunity to create some space for themselves.  But they beat Monaco 2-3 in the Coupe de France just over a week ago.  Noobstradamus knows the limits of his prognosticating power, is staying clear of all this madness.

RESULT:   Monaco   3-2

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

 

Wouldn’t touch this one with a 10-meter baguette.

  1. Atlético Madrid vs. Valencia – La Liga

Atlético is #B and has enough points to feel safe in their Champions League quest, as the top four Spanish clubs get invited.

Valencia is in 3rd, and it’s a good bet that defending league champ Real Madrid will right their ship soon and pass them.  Can Valencia stay clear of Villareal would be the real question.

RESULT:   Atletico   1-0

  1. Club Brugge vs. Sporting Charleroi – Belgium First Division A

The top six teams here make the league championship playoffs.  Club Brugge have all but won the league already.  Will Charleroi be able to hang on to #B and the other bye in the playoffs?  Anderlecht trail them by just a point in the table.

RESULT:   3-3

Image result for hang on funny

 

This is so close to feeling relevant.

And yet so far…

  1. Macabbi Tel Aviv vs. Hapoel Be’er Sheva – Israeli Premier

Same deal in Israel as in Belgium – top six make the league playoffs.  #B hosts league #1.  Can Tel Aviv hold off Beitar Jerusalem for a bye?   They are about identical to Be’er Sheva in record and stats, so should hold serve today at least.

RESULT:   Tel Aviv   1-0

  1. San Lorenzo vs. Boca Juniors – Superliga Argentina

We finish strong, Noobites!  Three in a row where a #B faces off against  numero uno.   They’re not much more than a dozen games into the season there, but Juniors are already starting to get some distance from the field, and their goal differential proves it can last.  Unstoppable offense.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for unstoppable funny

 

 

Grabber-armed t-rex returns!

 

 

 

 

Honorable Mention matches:   Augsburg vs. Eintracht Frankfurt, Udinese vs. AC Milan, Olympiacos vs. AEK Athens, Plateau United vs. Sunshine Stars

’10 to Track’, weekend edition – hating Hotspur, exalting Amuricuh

Saturday, 1/20

1.  Burnley vs. Manchester United – English Premier League

How are Burnley still in 7th?   They haven’t won a match since 12/12.  Man Utd may be in comfortable shape at #2, but even if they come in relaxed they should house Burnley in front of their own fans.

RESULT:   Man Utd   0-1

Image result for soccer losing funny

 

 

Burnley will try anything to end this skid…

B.  Cruz Azul vs. Leon – Liga MX

Leon is one of only two teams to win their first two Clausura (second half-season) matches.  Cruz Azul is just behind them at 1-1-0.  If Leon can shore up their defense some, they have the offense to stay up in the table.  These two finished 6th and 7th respectively in the Apertura (first half-season).

This game will have America’s attention, as Leon just signed all-time great Landon Donovan out of retirement.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Coleraine vs. Crusaders – Northern Irish Premier League

Yellowman for everyone!   It’s #2 v #1 and Noob brings the celebratory snacks.   It’s also best defense versus best offense.  Semiprofessional league or not, this is the best matchup today.

RESULT:   3-3    Crusaders had this one in hand 3-1 when they went down to ten men after a red card.

Image result for yellowman food

 

 

Like honeycomb, but more Northern Irish-y

 

 

Sunday, 1/21

Image result for America freedom awesome

 

Freedom survey, Amuricuh–

Hot or horrifying?

RESULT:   5-1    USA      And horrifying.

  1. USA vs. Denmark – women’s international friendly
  2. Santos vs. Morelia – Liga MX

Santos finished way down in the Apertura standings, courtesy of an astonishing nine draws.   They only play 17 matches each half season.

In Noob’s book, the Monarchs of Morelia can stow it.   Mexico has no kings or queens.   You’re a federal republic.  Get it together and make some sense!  But I’m just warming up…

RESULT:   Santos   1-0

  1. Southampton vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

Southampton are just one spot out of the Relegation Zone.   Here’s to hoping they can improve on that, since that would be done by beating loathsome Hotspur!

They should never have made Tottenham namesake Harry “Hotspur” Percy a Knight of the Garter.   He was a traitorous villain and cretinous yahoo to boot.  Scorn!  Bile and vitriol!

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for slow your roll

 

 

Dan “the Intern-o Inferno” thinks a chill, roller skating turtle can quell Noob’s rage?

  1. Lyon vs. Paris-Saint Germain – Ligue 1

PSG may have nearly a double-digit lead on the pack, but this match is HYOOJ.

Lyon is in 3rd, in line for France’s last 2018 Champions League berth.  They’re nipping at Marseille’s heels for #2, which would allow them to skip a CL qualifying round and enter right into the Group Stage.  But in turn, underachieving AS Monaco is breathing down their necks.

RESULT:   Lyon   2-1

  1. Inter Milan vs. AS Roma – Serie A

The top two in Italy have all but bronzed their Champions League berths.  These two and Lazio are battling it out for the last two CL spots.

5th place Roma hasn’t shown the offense to move up, but Inter aren’t tons better in that regard.  This may end up a defensive slog, but it will be a highly-competitive one.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for bronzed Italian

 

Signore grasse italiane abbronzate

What’s Italian for “ewww”.

  1. Antwerp vs. Club Brugge – Belgium First Division A

Brugge already have enough points to qualify for the end-of-season six-team league Championship Playoff.  Antwerp is in 4th, fighting for seeding.  They lead KAA Gent by just two in the table.  Even at home, they’ll be doing well to even earn a draw here.

RESULT:   2-2      Antwerp blew this one.   Brugge got their goals in the last two minutes.

  1. APOEL Nicosia vs. AEK Larnaca – Cypriot First Division

With seven games to go, APOEL has already guaranteed themselves a spot in the postseason league championship playoffs.  But there are three teams not far off their pace, so they’ll be playing hard to maintain #1 seed.

Larnaca is tied for 2nd, and in a dogfight.   APOEL is better on both sides of the ball, but Noob’s still predicting that when all the kicking is done, Larnaca will have that #2 seed.   They have too much offense for their current peers to keep up.

RESULT:   APOEL   3-1

Image result for top gun dogfight quotes

 

Despite Noob’s best efforts, I’m not sure we can count on Anthony Edwards-intervention here.

Midweek ’10 to Track’ – three days of perfectly-mixed league and Cup matches

What is T2T?  The ten goldarn best, most important matches to follow for us, the newish American soccer fans.   And let more-seasoned fans fear us, Noobites!   We’ll end up more knowledgeable than they.  Muahaha.

Relegation Monday was a sweet success, as we witnessed two mighty league upsets.  But now Noob returns us to our regularly scheduled, traditionally-“important” games for Tue-Thurs.

Tuesday, 12/19

  1. Leicester City vs. Manchester City – EFL Cup

So many Cups!   Fear not, Noobites.  This is a safe place.   EFL Cup is one vied for by just the top four tiers in the English football pyramid. It is also often referred to by its sponsor name, “The Carabao Cup”.  Easy peasy.

This year’s is now in the Quarterfinals.   Leicester’s been making moves up the Premier League table in recent weeks, but no one’s been a match for Man City all year.  If L.C. hopes to catch they’re guests napping, they’ll still need to shore up their very dodgy defense.

RESULT:   Man City   1-1  /  3-4 pk

B.  Carlisle United vs. Gillingham – English FA Cup

The FA Cup is the most popular one.  Teams all the way down to the 20th level have been competing.  This one’s in its Second Round Proper (Proper referring to the stage when Premier League teams start playing this even).

This is a Replay.  These two faced off about a week ago and had a 1-1 draw at tier-three Gillingham.  Rather than settle it with penalty kicks, they play again.  But this time, it’s at the tier-four side’s place.   Either way, we’re treated to a Minnow (over-achieving lower-tiered team) in the next Round.

RESULT:    Carlisle   3-1       The tier-four side is through to the Round of 64!

Image result for carlisle united funny

 

 

Those bend-y lights and giant soccer ball are pretty humorous.

  1. Paderborn vs. Ingolstadt – DFB Pokal (German FA Cup)

Round of 16 time.  3. Bundesliga (third tier) Paderborn is your Minnow, facing a top-flight team.

Paderborn have been as high as 2. Bundesliga as recently as two seasons ago.  They would’ve been Relegated last season into the tier-four Regional Leagues, but a team from 2. Bundesliga was sent down two levels instead.  Probably for naughtiness.

RESULT:   Paderborn   1-0      Minnow success!   

Wednesday, 12/20

  1. Bristol Rovers vs. Manchester United – EFL Cup

Bristol is the only non-Premier League team left alive here in the Quarterfinals.  They’re’ in 3rd place in the ECL (English second tier), but facing a Man club is another universe.

RESULT:   Bristol 2-1      Upset!  The Championship League team is through!

Image result for another universe funny

 

 

Wouldn’t you love to see someone try diving into that and finding a stud?

  1. AS Monaco vs. Rennes – Ligue 1

2nd place hosts 7th here.  This one is closer-looking in the table than it will be on the field.  Rennes is having a .500 year.  Monaco is tied for 2nd with Lyon, but nine points in back of Paris-Saint-Germain.  If they dream of a title push, they know they must lock down home games like these.

RESULT:   Monaco   2-1

  1. AS Roma vs. Torino – Coppa Italia (FA Cup)

Italy doesn’t appear to do a random draw for who hosts during the bracketed portion of its FA Cup.  They’re down to 16 teams, and the eight good Serie A teams all get to host these elimination matches.

This game match has at least a fair chance of us seeing an upset.  Torino is in 10th in league play, Roma in 4th.  Roma have given up the fewest goals in league, just ten in 16 games.

RESULT:   Torino   1-2      Best chance realized – upset!

Image result for Torino football funny

 

Utter fear, mild surprise, and– whatever that is…

Torino football fever!

  1. Anorthosis vs. APOEL Nicosia – Cyprus First Division

APOEL is a name tenured Noobites may recognize.   They competed in the Champions League Group Stage.  They didn’t advance, but weren’t expected to.   If they want to make it again next year, they have some work to do, being in 4th place currently.   But they’ve played fewer league games because of their international play, so even travelling to #1 and undefeated Anorthosis isn’t too bleak a prospect.

RESULT:   APOEL   0-3

  1. Union Española vs. Universidad de Concepcion – Chile Premier

The Chilean format is a little blurry for Noob, but we can get this down to brass tacks.   This is the second match of a Runners-Up Playoff for a spot in next year’s Copa Libertadores.   Concepcion had the best second half record of all teams not already qualified for CL next year.   Española had the second-best record for the overall season (and perhaps second-best in the Apertura/first half-season).

It’s two pretty good teams that didn’t quite qualify in other ways for C.L.   There!   Much easier.  Concepcion won the first match of this two-legged tie 1-0.

RESULT:   Concepcion   1-2      And they win on aggregate 3-1, on to next year’s Copa Libertadores!

Image result for clarity in communication funny

Thursday, 12/21

  1. Monterrey vs. Pachuca – Apertura 2017 Copa MX

If this event seems familiar, it may be because it started all the way back in July.  The big earthquake derailed football there for a time.

Mexico is a country that basically plays two FA Cups per season.  Each only involves teams from the top two leagues.

This is a one-off match for the Apertura (first half-season) Copa title, and fittingly between the top league #1 and #2 sides.   Monterrey’s been dominant in league, but Pachuca has been demolishing opponents in this tournament.  Can they go into the lion’s den and rip away the trophy?

RESULT:   Monterrey   1-0      The favorites have done it – Apertura Copa MX chamPEEEEEENS!

  1. Gent vs. Sporting Charleroi – Belgium First Division A

This league likely only gets two berths in next year’s Champions League.  The top six teams here make the league playoffs.

Gent have an excellent goal differential, but apparently have been winning big but losing close, as they’re just in 5th place.   Charleroi won’t catch Club Brugge for the #1 seed, but a big road win would gain them a firmer grip on the #2.

RESULT:   Gent   1-0       Gent move up to 4th place.

Image result for grip strength exercises funny

 

Step 1.)  Do steps 2-4 for a LONG time BEFORE picking up a baby.

Ten to Track (8/11/17)

Around the Western World in 10 Games!   The weekend’s first evening is usually a little light, but here are your still pretty solid matchups —

1. Arsenal vs. Leicester City –  English Premier League

The Premiere is back! I may be Noob, but even I know to get excited.

I started tracking soccer – just a little – two seasons ago, towards the end of Leicester’s championship campaign. I now understand just how much of a breath of fresh air it was, as the league is normally dominated by seven particular teams, and Leicester ain’t one.

B. Atlas vs. America – Liga MX

Amuricuh!

And it’s a matchup of two top half teams from last season’s Clausura (second half! Nooooooooob learningness), this should be the more competitive of the this league’s offerings this date.

3. Stade Rennes vs. Lyon –  Ligue 1

Lyon just missed out on making this year’s UEFA Champion’s League last season, finishing 4th. Stade Rennes was a top half club.

4. Edmonton vs. NY Cosmos – North American Soccer League

NASL is the much smaller Tier Two League, compared to USL, and so their postseason only has four teams. The fabled Cosmos finished third in the leagues Spring Season, and so is in decent position to perhaps finish with one of the two best overall non-division champion records and get in the playoff mix. Edmonton, Canadia should fall to them, even at home.

5. Zulte-Waregem vs. Brugge – Belgian Jupiler League

Last season’s #2 hosts #3.

UEFA ranks’s Belgiums’s top flite league as 8th best on the continent, right behind surprising-to-me-is-this-high Russia and surprisingly-low-to-me Portugal.

6. Ballymena vs. Crusaders – Northern Irish Premiership

Crusaders were the only team to seriously challenge Linfield last season for this group’s Champions League slot. But like Crusaders, Ballymena also got into the Europa League, with a 4th place finish.

7. Bangor City vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier

The New Saints lapped the field last season, though have already lost in the early stages of the 2017-18 Champions League. Bangor City finished 4th and achieved a Europa League slot.

8. America de Cali vs. Deportivo Cali – Copa Colombia

The battle for Santiago de Cali is on! This semifinal FA Cup match is the second of the two-legged tie. Deportivo leads 1-0 on aggregate.

9. FCI Tallinn vs. Levadia Tallinn – Estonian Meistriliiga

This league’s top four teams are all from Tallinn. This matchup features #3 and #4.

10. Maribor vs. Donzale – Slovenian Prva Liga

Maribor is the superpower of this league, should handle last season’s #4 squad easily.

 

Ten to Track (8/8/2017)

1. Real Madrid vs. Manchester United – UEFA Super Cup

Last season’s Champions League and Europa League winners face off in an event which confuses the Noob mightily. Europa League is like the American NCAA basketball NIT – for league also-rans. So the winner of the second-rate event vs. the best in the world? The Noob will track it for the names, but is confused mightily.

Also worth noting:  host city Skopje, Macedonia rated with Trip Advisor as the #4 City in the World that Makes You Say “Whowhere?”

B. Yeovil Town vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – EFL Cup (first round)

The Noob is learning! I now understand the EFL Cup is not the FA Cup. This one is restricted to teams in The Football League – the top four divisions of play in England.

Yeovil is from League Two, the fourth tier in England. Prior to achieving this level, they had one of the best records in the FA Cup for “non-league” (below fourth tier) teams. The Noob loves big little guys, and so The Glovers are adopted.

3. Red Star vs. Auxerre – Coupe de la Ligue (first round)

More learningness! This is France’s equivalent of the EFL Cup. Only teams from their top three leagues can qualify.

Red Star is a small, Division 3 Parisian team from the northern burbs; a working class team to be sure. Their name is not translated from French.  It’s the actual name. It’s like the Norman linguistic invasion, but in reverse. Or not…

4. Necaxa vs. Morelia – Copa MX

Best combination of teams in group stage play this day.

5. Hibernian vs. Ayr United – Scottish League Cup

I -think- this is analogous to the two Cups above, where there’s another FA Cup that is broader in scope at some point in the year. Ayr U. is the reining 3rd Division champ, might have a puncher’s chance against a lower-rung Premier League side.

6. Lanus vs. The Strongest – Copa Libertadores (round of 16)

Bracketed play begins in the Copa, though this one’s not knockout/single match. This match is the second “leg” of the two-legged “tie” between these two clubs, a home and home affair. “Aggregate” is knotted at 1-1.

7. Real Esteli vs. Aguila – CONCACAF League (group stage)

-Not- the CONCACAF Champions League, though related. Qualifying teams from Latin American and the Caribbean face off in this tournament for a slot in the actual federation Champions League. Mexico, Costa Rica and the U.S. are the only countries that likely matter there.

8. Orlando Pride vs. Washington Spirit – NWSL

The Management does not enjoy teams from cities built on swamps! The Noob is inclined to go along, whether out of fear or likeness of mind.

Orlando is in 6th place, in striking distance of a league postseason top four slot. But time is running out on their comparatively short season.

9. Orange County SC vs. Colorado Springs Switchbacks – USL

The Switchbacks – a nickname we love, but is not enough for Noob Adoption Status yet – tenuously hold the 6th and final league postseason spot.

10. Harrisburg City Islanders vs. Rochester Rhinos – USL

The Noob has is surprised about the Islander nickname for Harrisburg, and wonders if he should be embarrassed about that. They have a shot at home against 5th place Rochester. Away from “the island”, H City sucks out loud.