’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (4/24-26) – bring us Champions Leagueness!

Time for Midweek Madness!   OK, Noob doesn’t really think there’s any more madness Tuesday-Thursday than any other time.  But chicks dig alliteration.  I’m sure of it.

Tuesday, 4/24

  1. Liverpool vs. AS Roma – UEFA Champions League

The Semifinals are here!  These two both surprised world soccer giants last round to advance.  This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Noobites, you can of course find all manner of highly-detailed previews on many sites.  Our purpose here is fun, learning/increased awareness, and packaged in zaniness many times.  But Noob will offer up one particular angle.

Footballdatabase.com appears to use the chess world’s ELO formula -or a modified version of it- to rate clubs.  I find it very accurate.  Today, these two rate as 1966 and 1872, respectively.  Think of, oh, borderline Grandmaster vs. very solid Expert.

So, based on evidence I’ve casually tracked since starting this site, Noob’s calling Liverpool not quite a 1.5 goal favorite today.  Take it to the bank!  (Of course, I don’t think soccer betting is run with point spreads, so maybe just stick it in an old mattress.)   (2:45 PM Eastern, FS 1)

RESULT:   Liverpool   5-2

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B.  Penn FC vs. Nashville FC – USL

Penn FC were Harrisburg City Islanders previously. This is not a new club, just a rebranding.  Nashville are an expansion club.

Penn did not win any of their first matches. Nashville is a .500 club so far, but Noob thinks they’ve been either lucky or gritty so far.   Penn gets their first W today.

RESULT:   0-0

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Gotta be honest, Number B.  Not the most creative rebranding there.

 

 

 

Deeper Dive:  any of the three Copa Libertadores matches, Bulgarian FA Cup semifinal, China FA Cup matches, or either League of Ireland (not FA) Cup match.

Wednesday, 4/25

  1. Guadalajara vs. Toronto FC – CONCACAF Champions League

The Final!  Guadalajara took the first league in Canadia 1-2.  Toronto can’t just win 0-1 today in order to tie things up.  They’d lose on the away-goals tiebreaker.

Toronto have had a miserable start to their MLS season.  They’re out of gas.  The Guad Squad is going to get to put on a show.  Rather than just sit on the ball and milk their lead, this feels to Noob like a 3-0 rout.   (9:30 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toronto 1-2 in regulation      But Guad wins the title 4-2 in pk’s.   Heartbreak for Toronto.  Guad should’ve been down a man to a red card much of the second half when one of their players punched a Toronto player right in the stomach, 10′ from a ref with a clear view.  Not even a foul called.

  1. Bayern Munich vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

Two +2000 Grandmaster clubs.  Noob might’ve thought the winner will be a heavy favorite to take the title.  But Bayern didn’t completely dominate a Sevilla team that they should’ve in the Quarters.  And Real nearly blew a big lead to Juventus.

Bayern have been scoring – at least in league play – like gangbusters.  Noob’s calling this one as 3-1 for the home side, as they can control the pace at home.   (2:45 PM, FS1, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Real   1-2

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Grandmaster Flash carried an ELO rating of a billion.

  1. Boca Juniors vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League continues its group stage.  The top two finishers from each Group of four will advance.

Boca are Argentina’s #1-ranked entry into this event.  Palmeiras are the #3 from Brazil.  Yet Palmeiras are the ones leading this Group, and by two over their hosts today.  They’d take a draw in a heartbeat.

Boca will look to push and play for the win, get more distance in the table over Atletico Junior of Colombia.   (8:45 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

  1. FC Tokyo vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – J1 League

The league season is almost ten games in, yet Noob wonders if this is the first Track-worthy match we’ve seen from Japan.

Hiroshima finished near the bottom of the table last year.  Now?  They’ve not lost once. FC Tokyo finished low enough last year that Noob thought perhaps they’d just been promoted from J2.  Even at #B, they trail FCT by nine in the table.

RESULT:   Tokyo   3-1

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Hiroshima’s mascots striking poses

  1. Zlin vs. Jablonec – Czech FA Cup

There are many FA Cups matches being played around Europe today.  The Czech Cup semifinal today pits two teams from the #13 league in Europe, the highest ranking represented this week.

Zlin are in 9th in the league this year.  Given their awful GD, Noob’s not sure how they’ve managed even that.  They’ll get all they can handle from their 6th-place guests.

Aaaand then the winner will get smooshed by Slavia Prague in the Final.    And then they’ll pee their pants, the end.

RESULT:   Jablonec   0-1

Deeper Dive:  #3 Ranheim vs. #1 Brann, Norway Eliteserien; #3 Maritzburg United vs. #1 Mamelodi Sundowns, South Africa Premier; #2 Suwon Bluewings vs. #3 Gyeongnam FC, South Korea K1 League; #4 Prachuap vs. #3 Chiangrai United, Thai 1 League; any China FA Cup matches, Brazil FA Cup Round of 16 matches, or FA Cup semis from Bulgaria, Cyprus, or Denmark

Thursday, 4/26

  1. Arsenal vs. Atletico Madrid – Europa League

UEFA’s secondary continental tournament has reached its Semifinals.  This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Arsenal better hope they get some sort of lift perhaps trying to win this thing as a tribute to now-departing manager Arsene Wenger, because Atletico is probably by far the strongest team remaining.  He’d been with the club over 20 years, but either gracefully stepped aside or was forced out less than a week ago.   (3:05 PM, FS1, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1     Atletico had a player and their manager kicked out 10 minutes into the match.  Arsenal still couldn’t take care of business.

Image result for arsene wenger sad face

  1. Lillestrom vs. Sarpsborg – Norway Super Cup

Super Cups usually happen right as the league season is beginning, pitting last year’s FA Cup champs against the defending league champs.  This one was delayed because of wintry conditions.  Shock me.

Lillestrom only finished 12th in league last year.  They qualified for this by beating Sarpsborg in the FA Cup final.  Sarpsurg has started a little slowly this season, but it’s very early.  Lillestrom – who host today – aren’t doing any better than in 2017.

RESULT:   Sarpsborg   0-1     Congrats!

  1. Al Ahly vs. El Zamalek – Egypt Premier

Noob ends the midweek Track honoring the champions of Africa’s #1 league.  With two matches to go, Al Ahly lead the next team up by a mind-boggling 21 points in the table.

Zamalek are in 3rd.  This is their final league match.  They can’t catch #B Ismaily for a Champions League berth, but they could themselves be passed by #4 Al Masry.  3rd place gets into the Confederations Cup, Africa’s version of Europa League.

RESULT:   Zamalek   1-2

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OK, that’s mind-boggling

 

 

Deeper Dive:  any of the Copa Libertadores matches; Denmark’s FA Cup semifinal; #B Partizan vs. #4 Radnicki, Serbia Superliga, #3 Hapoel Katamon Jerusalem vs. #1 Hapoel Tel Aviv, Israel Leumit Liga (second-tier)

10 to Track soccer matches for midweek – Champions League, plus name-calling Noob learned from a M*A*S*H legend

Let your gaze linger below, as long as you like.  The ten most important matches for the newish American soccer fan to follow don’t mind a bit.  In fact, they’ve gotten dolled up just for you.

Noob’s back to a three-day midweek format, despite there being so many great matches.  Two days, really.  Take Thursday to do a deeper dive into any of the many Europa League matches, should a Noobite’s heart desire.

Tuesday, 3/6

1.  Liverpool vs. Porto – UEFA Champions League

Round of 16, Leg Two.  Liverpool won the first leg 0-5, so Tracking this will simply be watching a Quarterfinal coronation.

RESULT:   0-0     Liverpool advances

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Interwebs, you creep Noob out.

B.  PSG vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

PSG at home are no better than an even match for Real. That’s bad.  They lost the first leg 1-3.

RESULT:   1-2   Real        The reigning champs move on

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Old Number 2, trying to look cool and be seen with  sympathetic children.

Sorry, but it is Number B’s time.

3.  Tijuana vs. NY Red Bulls – CONCACAF Champions League

Tijuana had a tough Apertura (first half-season) in Liga MX, but have ratcheted up their defense here in the Clausura.  RB will be lucky to only leave Mexico down a goal in this Quarterfinal’s first leg.  MLS teams just aren’t in form yet.

RESULT:   NYRB   0-2   Goalkeeper Robles makes about 40.000 saves and the Red Bulls STUN!

4.  CF America vs. Tauro – CONCACAF Champions League

The Panamanians will have it much tougher, as they visit a real Mexican powerhouse club.

RESULT:   CFA   4-0

5.  Shrewsbury vs. Yeovil – EFL Trophy

Reminder:  This is not the FA Cup, nor even the EFL Cup.   This one only involves the third and fourth-tier leagues (plus some higher leagues’ academy clubs).

Two Noob-Adopted teams. The joy!  But the horror!!  Semifinal.  Shrewsbury is in League One, having a brilliant season.  Yeovil will have a tough time on the road, can concentrate in trying to stay above the Relelgation line in League Two should they lose.

RESULT:   Shrewsbury   1-0

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Being the death-site of the traitorous Harry “Hotspur” Percty forever makes  Shrewsbury hallowed ground.

 

Wednesday, 3/7

The Algarve Cup final matches are today as well.  Ranked out of the Groups Stage, 1st plays #B, 3rd plays 4th, etc.  Title match is Netherlands vs. Sweden

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Juventus – UEFA Champions League

Speak of the devil.  Grumblekins!  Hotspur earned a draw at Juve in the first leg, now have the advantage on their own pitch.

Look, their namesake switched sides so often, Noob hurls his favorite insult at Harry “Hotspur” Percy and each club supporter:  cretinous yahoo!   Give no quarter, Juventus!

RESULT:   1-2   Juve      Oh happy day!   Juventus score two in the second half to advance 3-4 on aggregate.  

Image result for david ogden stiers cretinous yahoo mash

 

R.I.P., David Ogden Stiers.  As Winchester on M*A*S*H, you gave me my favorite insult for someone.

  1. Manchester City vs. Basel – UEFA Champions League

Noob has made mention on many occasions that Switzerland seems to be something of a rising power on the international stage.  Well, their stage show was Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark-level flop in the first leg.  Man City pummeled them in their own place, 0-4.  Since they’ve already all but won the Premier League, they could go all out and disgrace Basel for sheer entertainment value.

RESULT:   1-2   Basel     The Swiss save some face.  Man City advances.

  1. Toronto FC vs. Tigres – CONCACAF Champions League

This is a Quarterfinal, but is the matchup one many would’ve preferred for the Final.  Toronto is just starting defense of their MLS crown.  Tigres won the postseason Liga MX Apertura Liguilla.

It may get the most attention of any match in this event this year, but Tigres should dominate both games in the two-legged tie (two-game series).

RESULT:   Toronto   2-1     Well Noob’ll be darned!   TFC goal in 88′ nets them the victory.

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Dizzam, Seattle!  Hope you stretched.

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Guadalajara – CONCACAF Champions League

Based on past performance, Guadalajara should be an even match on the road for last year’s MLS runner-up.  But they were not good in their league Apertura, and have been flat-out awful in the Clausura now.  Seattle may have a real chance.

Still, Noob thinks anything less than a 2-0 win and Sounders will still be in trouble.

RESULT:   Seattle   1-0

  1. U.S.A. vs. England – SheBelieves Cup

This is an invitational tournament, hosted by the US and competed in by three other top-tier women’s national teams.  The four sides each play each other once over a week to determine the winner.

The Americans and English are FIFA-ranked #1 and #3 in the world, and they’re tied on points heading into this final match.  But all England must do to win the trophy is earn a draw, as they’re ahead on the goal differential-tiebreaker.

RESULT:   USA   1-0

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SheBelieves her space bar was working.

SheWas mistaken.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Thursday, 3/1 – Noob scorns Seattle Sounders

The ten most super matches to follow for we the newish American soccer fans lie just below.  They are packed with goodness, but spiced with scorn!

Tip o’ the day:  Noobites, please consider following on Twitter, @SoccerNoobUSA.

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Santa Tecla – CONCACAF Champions League

El Salvador’s current second-place league team lead 1-2 after the first match of this two-legged tie (two-match series).  On paper, Sounders should be an even match for them at home.  But MLS hasn’t quite begun, so that rust leaves visitors the favorites INHO.

And that’s with no bias from Noob.  This, despite the fact that the first diehard soccer fan I ever met was a college T.A. / massive bag of douche.  Noob is forever soured on the Sounders.

RESULT:   Seattle   4-0

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Home soil usually gets Noob’s support, but here’s looking at you, Sounder.

B.  NY Red Bulls vs. Olimpia – CONCACAF Champions League

Olimpia, from Honduras, are the superior team.  But they only managed a 1-1 draw against NYRB at their own place, and now the road awaits.

Actually, Noob wonders if home field advantage for this second leg will mean much.  This wouldn’t be the first time an Amuricuhn side had quieter supporters than the visitors.

RESULT:   NYRB   2-0

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Name:  Number B        

(Join the quest for change, Noobites.)

  1. Arsenal vs. Manchester City – English Premier

Arsenal are in 6th, and far enough back of even 5th in the table that their fate seems sealed – Europa League.  Burnley won’t catch them.  Man City are riding high after winning the EFL Cup, should be favored here on the road by a goal.

RESULT:   Man City   0-3

  1. Alianza Lima vs. Boca Juniors – Copa Libertadores

This is the first match of the Group Stage for these two in South America’s Champions League.  Full disclosure: this match probably won’t be close.  A.Lima is more on par with a good MLS team.  Boca Juniors are an Argentinian behemoth.

RESULT:   0-0

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Just what are you trying to tell Noob, interwebs?

  1. Caen vs. Lyon – Coupe de France

These two are 13th and 4th place in Ligue 1, respectively.  Caen’s hope lies in that Lyon may be far more focused on league play.  Only the top three will get into Champions League, and Lyon is close-ish at five points out of 4th.  This is Quarterfinal match.

RESULT:   Caen   1-0

  1. Midtjylland vs. Brondby – Denmark Superliga

These two are in an absolute dogfight for the regular season title, #B Brondby trailing by just three points with four matches to go.  Then the league title playoffs begin, for which these two have already qualified.

RESULT:   Brondby   0-1

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[See caption 4.]

  1. Besiktas vs. Fenerbahce – Turkey FA Cup

League 3rd place hosts 4th in this Semifinal, which should be one of the most competitive matches of the day.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. AE Larissa vs. AEK Athens – Greece FA Cup

This is the first leg of the Semifinal.    Larissa doesn’t score a lick, which is why they’re 13th place in league play.  AEK only give up a goal every other game on average, and the league Bth-place side won’t give one up today.

RESULT:  AEL   2-1 !

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Actual AEL match photo.

AEL, you’re doing…whatever that is… wrong.

  1. Esteghlal vs. Persepolis – Persian Gulf Pro League

Esteghlal is in a five-team logjam for 3rd place.  This will make for a wild and wooly finish, as exactly the top three league finishers will make the AFC Champions League.  They have a huge lead in goal differential, but that’s unlikely to matter which so many clubs in that mix.

Also, they’re going to get bushwhacked by runaway league-leader Persepolis.   Noobstradamus divines a 1-3 thrashing.

RESULT:   Esteghlal   1-0      Noob fail

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Judging by my facial expression, might I be experiencing a logjam of my very own right now?

  1. Al-Ain vs. Al-Wahda – UAE Pro League

This also seems to be known or have been known as Arabian Gulf Pro League.  I wish this and some other leagues around the globe would make up their darn minds.  I am Noob!   Don’t confuse me.  Noob does not need your help on that front.

That said, the match should be a doozy.  #1 hosts #B, separated by only one point in the table.  The top three will get into AFC Champions League.  But since UAE will be the host country later this year, the league champ will also get into the Club World Cup.  Enticing!

RESULT:   Al Ain   6-2

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Wednesday, 8/27 – FA Cups, throwing shade at SheBelieves, and Evil Flower-Elmo…

The ten most important soccer matches for the newish American soccer fan to follow.  T2T are the spine of this project.  Noob hopes it is helpful and fun.

Tenured soccer fans, come on in and stay a while!  There;’s always a little to learn for everyone.

And the comedy attempt-aspect is NOT weird, confusing, or inappropriate.  Not ever.  *bonnnngggg*

  1. FC Dallas vs. Tauro – CONCACAF Champions League

The First Round continues.  Panamanian Tauro took down Dallas 1-0 in the first leg.  To advance, Dallas has to not only win, but they must win by at least two goals is Tauro gets one (tiebreaker rule – away goals).

Dallas is better on paper, looks like the favorite.  But it’s important to remember that the non-Amuricuhn clubs have been playing their league seasons for some time.  U.S. teams start their league this weekend, aren’t nearly as in form yet.

RESULT:   Dallas   3-2     But Tauro advances!  Aggregate ends 3-3, the Panamanians advancing on away-goal tiebreaker.

Image result for FC Dallas supporters

 

One stripper for the young Dallas supporter, one for the bull.

Noob’s terrified on multiple fronts..

B.  Guadalajara vs. Cibao – CONCACAF Champions League

The Mexican side won the away leg of this tie 0-2.  Now they get to finish off Ciabo from the Dominican Republic at home.    (8:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Guadalajara   5-0

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Cardi B (and her Dominican dad) are thrilled this match is Number B.

  1. CF America vs. Saprissa – CONCACAF Champions League

Noob has often thought Costa Rica’s Saprissa was one of the sneaky-best clubs in the federation.  Well, they got not-so-sneaky clobbered 1-5 in the first leg of this fiasco.  CFA may win today 2-0 just by accident.    (10:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1      CFA advances on aggregate.

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Rochdale – English FA Cup

The Fifth Round Proper has another Replay to do.  Third-tier Rochdale had a stunning finish to equalize in the first go-‘round between these two.  Their reward will seemingly be to get thrashed at Wembley, but at least they get to split the gate!  Noob fervently wishes for the upset, of course.    (2:45 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Hotspur   6-1      This was actually a match at halftime, 1-1.

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Die 1000 more times, traitorous Harry “Hotspur” Percy!

  1. Alebrijes Oaxaca vs. Puebla – Copa MX

This is the last game of the Group Stage for these two.  Second-division Oaxaca lead by a point.  Puebla is in second.  Most second-place teams from these Groups of three will advance.  But the worst-performing two of the nine will not, and right now Liga MX side Puebla are among those two.

Oaxaca would be fine with a draw.  Puebla has to win.  It will be entertaining to see which club can control the pace.

RESULT:   1-1     So Oaxaca advances, and Puebla -as the worst-finishing second place Group finisher – is out.

  1. Japan vs. Netherlands – Algarve Cup

Previously, this has been the premier invitational women’s tournament in the world.  The SheBelieves Cup has taken some of its luster, however, by siphoning off four of the very best national teams.

Noob is not pleased with this development over the last three years.  Algarve is a lovely region of Portugal, and tradition is wonderful.

Still, 12 teams play in Portugal, divided into Groups of four to start.  These two are ranked 9th and 7th by FIFA.

RESULT:   Netherlands   2-6      So much for Noob having tried to pick a competitive match from this event to feature

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Noob Believes She not believing in a space between two words makes She looks silly.

  1. Lazio vs. AC Milan – Coppa Italia

Lazio kept things scoreless in the first leg of this Semifinal tie.  Milan now has their work cut out for them for their road trip.  That said, if they can score an away-goal today, then Lazio has to get at least two to advance.

These two are 4th and 7th place in Serie A, respectively.    (2:45 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   AC Milan   1-1  /  4-5   pk

  1. Millonarios vs. Corinthians – Copa Libertadores

This is the first Group Stage match for these two.  Here, clubs are divided into Groups of four each.  The top two finishers in each advance, while the 3rd-place sides will get dropped down to Copa Sudamericana (South America’s version of Europa League).

Millonarios are the second-highest qualifying team from Colombia.  Corinthians are sort of the #1 qualifier from Brazil.  (Defending champions Gremio are from Brazil, go in automatically.)

Noobstradamus attests that home field advantage will be enough today, Millonarios will net a 2-1 last-minute, thrilling victory!

RESULT:   0-0      A thrilling prognostication failure…

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I also Believe a serious backlash is coming for ripping on SheBelieves.

Goodness.  That name does look stupid.

  1. Chambly vs. Strasbourg – Coupe de France

Minnow Alert!   Chambly may be stinking up Championnat National (third-tier) joint and be about to get Relegated, but they’ve made a surprise run to the Quarterfinal in this FA Cup.

Strasbourg are having a poor, forgettable year in Ligue 1, but they’re still Ligue 1 and so should whomp this team in their own house.    (12:30 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Chambly   1-0     Minnow success!

  1. Aves vs. Caldas – Taca de Portugal

Noob finds this arrangement strange.  Usually the higher-ranking team gets to host the second leg of a tie.  But for this Semifinal, Primeira Liga Aves hosts first.

Aves was promoted to Portugal’s top flight just this year.  They’re the best of the worst this season, on top of a tight group of clubs in the bottom of the table.  Caldas are a third-division team, sitting in the middle of one of the Campeonato subdivisions.

RESULT:   Aves   1-0

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Speaking of strange arrangements…