Tag: CONCACAF

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – USWNT leads the way

The Midweek Edition Track finishes with two more matches for Thursday.

There’s not much in the way of preview for the matches proper.  But you’ll learn about two brand spanking new tournaments themselves.  Enough to get you through high-end water cooler-level chat.

Thursday

  1. Germany vs. France – UEFA Nations League

“Nations League.   Here I thought I was really starting to know club and national team football around the globe.   But I’ve never heard of this league!   You have failed all Noobites.  You are a scalawag, cretinous yahoo, ne’er-do-well.  You are declared outlaw!”

Outlaw as adjective originally meant living outside the law.  People could do anything to you with no consequences, including murdering you.  So why don’t we hold up and give ol’ Noober a chance to explain.

Perhaps I should’ve mentioned this tournament before, given you a heads up.  This is a new biennial tournament.  All 55 member teams of UEFA have been divided into four leagues, based on their UEFA rankings (as of pre-2018 World Cup Group Stage).  Those leagues, in turn, are subdivided into four smaller groups.  Within each Group, they’ll play standard home-and-away double-round robin format.

Example:   League A is the top 12 teams in UEFA.  The four Groups within League A are relatively even cross-sections in terms of ranking.

The Group Stage games are now through November.  The winners of each Group in League A will play for the Nations League championship.  That bracketed stage will be in June of next year, location TBD.

Leagues B, C, and D will not have their own bracketed championships.  Their journeys end with the Group matches.  However, the Group winners get Promoted to the next highest League for the next incarnation of this tournament in two years.  The poorest Group performers are Relegated in turn.

The Perceived Good:   This event is largely replacing intra-European “friendlies”, provide more competitive matches.  Also, this event will serve as another qualifying means for national teams to make the 2020 European Championships.  It’s an extra chance for smaller/weaker teams to perhaps get in.

The Critique:  This is an extra chance for smaller/weaker teams to qualify for the 2020 European Championships.

Noob’s not going to delve into the particulars of this event as qualifier for the Euros.  There are other sites for that.  The self-assigned job here is to make you aware of basics.  So go, be free!   Use your Google machine powers to learn finer details.  Noob will, too, in time.

Today’s Track’ed Match: 

Germany and defending World Cup champions France are UEFA-ranked 4th and 5th, respectively, as of today.   Noob phrases is that way because UEFA used the rankings as of right before World Cup Group Stage began to seed all the teams for this event.  These two were 1st and 5th-ranked at that time.

Either way it’s two of the best teams in the world.  Though yes, Germany struggled at WC.  Here stateside, we can watch it on Univision Deportes at 2:45 PM EST with great joy.

Hopefully this spares Noob a mob lynching, you rascally animals.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Dominica vs. Suriname – 2019-20 CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Yup!   This tournament is new, too.   It doesn’t truly start until next year.  This is a qualifying tournament.  As such, Noob will keep things even simpler about the whole thing for now.

The top six-ranked national teams in CONCACAF have already automatically qualified for actual Nations League next year.

34 of the 35 other member nations’ teams play in this qualification event (Guatemala are nawtee, suspended).  They are divided into four Pots, based on rankings.  Each team will play four matches, two home and two away.  Each team will play one match against a team from each Pot.

All the teams’ results will be in just one aggregate table.  The top six finishers will qualify for Nations League A, joining the six teams that auto-qualified, as mentioned earlier.  The other teams will be divided in half, into League B and League C.

(The CONCACAF Nations League is a qualifying event of its own, putting teams into something called CONCACAF Gold Cup, which in turn qualifies teams for the FIFA Confederations Cup.  Interestingly, the top ten finishers from this qualification event being played now automatically qualify for Gold Cup regardless of how they do in Nations League.  Oy veh.)

Today’s Track’ed Match:

These two are ranked 25th (Pot C) and 12th (Pot B) in CONCACAF.  They’re #177 and #153 in all FIFA.  Should be a pretty even matchup since is in Dominca.

The match is actually being held in Guadeloupe, not Dominica.  Curious.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Les Abymes

 

 

So long from Les Abymes, Point au Pitre, Guadeloupe!

 

Wednesday

  1. NYCFC vs. New England – Major League Soccer

NYCYC have won just once their last six outings.  They’re settling into the #3 seed in the East as the regular season approaches its final stretch.

New England now sit in 8th, five points out of the sixth and final playoff berth in their conference.  That they can still even smell the postseason as a mathematical possibility is a testament to how improved they’d appeared in the season’s first half.  They just got a draw at home against a solid Portland side, but that’s now nine straight matches and no victories.

NYCFC will be missing goal-scoring leader Ismael Tajouri-Shradi.   He’s on international duty this week, as are several of his club teammates.  He is Libyan by birth, but Noob presumes is with the Austrian national team now, as he holds citizenship there.   (7:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Revs   0-1

Image result for football international duty funny

 

 

Speaking of international duty, did this mascot-guy just get vomited out after finally agreeing to go to Ninevah?

  1. Oaxaca vs. Morelia – Copa MX

Noobites can find a bit about the format below in the Tuesday Copa match mini-preview.

Guadalajara has already advanced as this Group’s winner, with ease.

Liga MX side Morelia lead the Ascenso’s Oaxaca by two points in the table.  Morelia only need a draw to finish #B in the table, but only a draw almost certainly still leaves them out of the next Round.  Even a win for Oaxaca probably leaves them among the bottom two Group runners-up and out of this tournament.

Both sides have been scuffling in their respective league seasons, sitting midtable.  Morelia likely takes this one by a goal on the road.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1      And with that, both teams are eliminated.

  1. Indy Eleven vs. NYRB II – United Soccer League

Former NASL-side Indy are tied for 5th in the East, two points up on NYRB.   The top eight from each conference make the Postseason.

Indy doesn’t score much, have stayed afloat with a lot of draws.  Red Bulls’ reserve squad have even more draws.  That’s surprising, given that they play such a wide-open style, eschewing defense almost entirely.

RESULT:   Indy   3-0       Evgeni Starikov with two goals, and Indy climbs to 4th place.

 

Is it just Noob, or does this look like an entrance to kinda nowhere?

  1. Internacional vs. Flamengo – Brazil Serie A

It’s #B and #3 in South America’s best domestic league!

Internacional trail only Gremio in defensive prowess, haven’t allowed a goal in seven consecutive matches.  That said, they’ve only achieved draws in their last two games.

Flamengo are more balanced.  They’re coming off a sleepy home loss to newly-promoted, weak Ceara.   (8:00 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   Internacional   2-1       The winners now lead the entire league, while Flamengo drops to 4th place.

Tuesday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Chile – international friendly

Déjà vu all over again.  They played a few days ago, are now back to battle today.  Noob guesses Chile have been training in – perhaps even with – the USWNT.  The Americans won the first one 3-0 in Carson (L.A.).   Tonight, they play in San Jose.

Fun Fact:  The San Jose Earthquakes played a friendly last night against Chile’s children’s Special Olympic side and lost 0-14.   SJ were not sandbagging, by all accounts.

Pardon the interruption, this is The Management.  I apologize on behalf of Noob.  We’re not even sure they have Special Olympics in Chile.  Said friendly did not occur. 

And if it had, a more likely score would be 1-14.  The ‘Quakes wouldn’t get shut out completely at home.

*gasp*    The Management, throwing shade on San Jose!  Is Noob dreaming?   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN2)

RESULT:   USA   4-0       Carli Lloyd with a pair in the second half

B.  Chicago Red Stars vs. Sky Blue FC – National Women’s Soccer League

Three of the four Playoff teams are set.  Two regular season matches to go for #4 Chicago.   They’re two points up on Utah and Houston.

One of Noob’s primary sources indicates Houston is already eliminated though.  That feels unlikely, even given head-to-heads are the first tiebreaking criterion.

And since they’re playing winless Sky Blue, a Chicago result and postseason berth seem likely.

Aaaaand then they’ll get slaughtered by the world’s best women’s team, North Carolina Courage in the Playoffs.

RESULT:   Chicago   5-0       Alyssa Mautz with the first two goals

Image result for letter B horror

 

 

Number B, expressing the carnage that awaits Chicago or Utah in the postseason.

  1. Zacatecas vs. Queretaro – Copa MX

They’re also down to the last match in each of the three-team Groups in this opening stage of the Apertura (first half-season) Copa in Mexico.  All nine winners will advance, plus seven of the runners-up.

Second-division Clausura regular season champs Zacatecas trail Queretaro and Leon by three points.  So Los Mineros have to win today just to get tiebreakers into it.  Leon has played all their matches already, so three-way tie.  Go, Minnows!

Zacatecas are having trouble scoring, even as they win games so far this year in Ascenso MX.  Queretaro should be at least a one-goal favorite on the road today.  They’re near the top of the Liga MX table themselves.

RESULT:   Queretaro   1-2

  1. Netherlands vs. Norway – UEFA women’s World Cup qualification

The Group Stage is down to its last matches here, too.  The winners of all seven qualify for 2019 WC.  The four best runners-up will have a Playoff for one more berth.

In Group 3, these are your top two and no one else can catch them.  They’ve outscored opponents 21-0 and 0-3 and are FIFA-ranked #9 and #14, respectively.  Nothing appears guaranteed for whichever team finishes #B in the group.

Now, check out this mockumentary done by Norwegian women’s national team.  I’m sure is the current team, but regardless, this is priceless.

RESULT:   Norway   2-1     had the home/away mixed up

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (9/2) – MLS, Liga MX, more theme song work

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  A theme song is deserved.   Yesterday’s attempt was… well, let’s try again.

“Soccernoob rockin’ Amur-IH-cuh-huhuh /

Analysis!  *clap clap*/

Ten matches! *clap clapclap* /

Ordid Noobmiscooowwwwwnt?!  /  *crickets*

Soccernoob rockin’ Amur-IH-CUUUHHHHH!

  1. D.C. United vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

Atlanta’s non-loss streak is up to seven, and yet New York Red Bulls have overtaken them for 1st place.  That they haven’t kept one clean sheet in their last six is mildly troubling, but mitigated by them scoring 2+ in them all.

Ever since Noob pointed out DCU’s unbeaten streak since playing all time English great Wayne Rooney, they’ve done nothing but lose.   It’s only two matches, but they were the only two in this period where they’ve faced really good competition.  It was a nice run up from the Eastern Conference basement to 8th, but the playoffs are looking unlikely now.

(Oh, and next D.C. travels to NYCFC.  Good luck with that.)   (7:30 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT:   D.C.   3-1     Rooney scored or assisted on every goal

Image result for Wayne Rooney annoyed

 

Got something to say to Noob, Rooney?

Go beat a Playoff-caliber team.

B.  Toluca vs. Santos – Liga MX

#10 hosts #4 in match Noob wouldn’t try picking if you threatened him with a whack-a-mole mallet.   (1:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-1

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

I’ll make a prediction.  MY calling, after all, Noob.  Don’t make me come over there.

Noobstradamus divines  a win for Santos after their three consecutive draws.

  1. Trinidad and Tobago vs. Jamaica – CONCACAF women’s World Cup qualification

Reminder:  This is also the CONCACAF championships.  Two great footyball tastes tasting great together.  The top three finishers from this Caribbean Zone group of five advance to the “competition proper”, where the North American teams enter this event.

Jamaica is hosting all the matches and their national team leads the Group.  In fact, with just this fourth and final match to play in this stage, they’ve already qualified to advance.  T&T only need a draw to secure their own berth.  A loss and they leave the door open for Bermuda.

These two are FIFA-ranked #’s 50 and 71, respectively.  Jamaica has run roughshod over everyone so far.  T&T must keep the score low to hope for any kind of result.

RESULT:   Jamaica   1-4       Both teams advance to the next round

  1. Burnley vs. Manchester United – English Premier League

Last season, Man U had a fine enough season finishing #B, even as their intracity rivals at City were having a record one.

But right now they are a hot mess.  Starting the season with a home win over Leicester was expected.  A road loss to Brighton and Hove Albion was far less so.  Giving up three goals was a red flag.  Then getting crushed at home by Noob-reviled and traitorously named Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur 0-3 has to have them wondering if their new head coach is paying attention.

Burnley have stunk.  Who will right their ship?   0-0 draw anyone?   (11:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Man Utd.   0-2

Image result for Sir Topham Hatt pissed off

 

 

Wow, just think how cross Sir Topham Hatt gets when Hotspur’s actually playing.

  1. Celtic vs. Rangers – Scottish Premiership

There are basically ever two named to know in Scotland – these.   #1 and #B last season.  It’s very early in this campaign, but they’re both just sitting midtable.  The issue for both has been middling defensive play.

RESULT:   Celtic   1-0

  1. Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Spartak Moscow – Russian Premier

Here in Europe’s 6th-ranked league, traditional powers are performing as they should.  Zenit are running people over, 5-0-0 with a 10-1 GD.  Spartak are tied for #B, have played one less game than peer Rostov.  Their offense is not Zenit’s, but the defense has been just as good.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Russian football funny

 

 

Is it too late for Noob to get 2018 World Cup souvenir Matryoshka dolls?

  1. Dinamo Zagreb vs. Rijeka – Croatia First Division

For al Croatia’s success in the World Cup, their domestic league is still trying to catch up a wee bit with the bigger boys.   At UEFA-ranking #16, they are the best league that still gets just one invitation to Champions League.

With one less match played than Osijek, D.Z. is still tied with them for #1.  Rijeka are also a match off and are just two points back in 3rd.  These two will overtake the table’s top, and sooner rather than later.    Dinamo sport the top D in the land, while Rijeka have the best balance.  (Osijek’s mediocre defense will catch up to them.)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Hapoel Be’er Sheva vs. Maccabi Tel Aviv – Israel Premier

Last year’s #1 and #B face off here at beginning of Europe’s (well, UEFA’s) #18 league.  If little to nothing has changed, MTA will have a hard time scoring today.  Everyone had that trouble last year with HBS.

MTA were the second-best D, so this match may not see lots of goals.  But it’s a desperately important match, even this early in their season.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for geography wrong funny Israel

Hey, you let Israel play in UEFA and all bets are OFF.

  1. Ferencvaros vs. MOL Vidi – Hungary NB 1

Not that Hungarian football is on the radar of many (UEFA rank #36), but just in case:   MOL Vidi was Videoton last year.   Sponsorship change = name change.

These two finished 2017-18 #B and #1, and that is always on Noob’s radar!  Statistically they were nearly carbon copies of one another.  No other clubs threatened them.  They’re also both undefeated early this season.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Nomme JK Kalju vs. Flora Tallinn – Estonia MeistrilIIga

The capital I’s in the league name are Noob’s own addition.  Just look at them.  A symmetrical, beautiful pair.  Perfection.

With ¾ of the season in the books, Kalju have a five-point lead in the table on today’s visitors.  The only other team in contention is FCI Levadia.   This match is the classic best offense versus best defense.  If Flora loses, that may mean the title is all but decided.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for pope john paul ii eyes

 

 

 

 

Pope John Paul II is down with the double i’s.

  1. Gyeongnam vs. Jeonbuk – South Korea K-League 1

What madness is this?  11??

Occasionally, it’s just too hard to pare down to ten.   Just look at the matches I had to cut:

Three USL matches (though none of highest import; AS Monaco vs. Marseille (last year’s Ligue 1 #B vs. #4); Alajuense vs. Saprissa (Costa Rica’s #1 and #3); Brondby vs. Midtjylland (Denmark’s #3 and #B); Siroki Brijeg vs. Zeljeznicar (Bosnia and Herzegovina’s #3 and #B); and two top-four matchups from Norway’s Eliteserien.

This is yet another #B versus #1 match.  Even though Jeonbuk have already sown up 1st place, such still gets Noob’s salivary glands watering.

Plus, The Management is in South Korea right now!  He flew into Incheon, which has the worst football club there this year.  I tried to tell him where the better footyball was being played, but does he listen to Noob?

RESULT:   Jeonbuk   0-3

Image result for eurwangni beach

 

 

So long from Erwangni Beach, Incheon, Korean Republic!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/1) – and working on a theme song

“Soccer Noob rockin Amuricuuuhhh! /

Mini-previews!  *clap clap* /

Insight!  *clap clapclap* /

O.K.notreallythatsecondwuuhhhhn!   /  *crickets*

Soccernoob rockin’ Amur-I-CUHHH!”

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

Really, Track match No. 1 is all MLS.   This might be the most intriguing matchup, but all but two slated for today met Noob’s standards of high interest.  Good you up some ‘Muricuhn action today, Noobites.

Those goldurn Sounders Noob reviles so have won seven straight.  The first half of their season was so pitiful that this now has them in just a tie for the last Playoff berth (6th) in the Western Conference. They Haven’t allowed multiple goals in a match since their last loss.  On June 30th.

Tenured-Noobites will recall that Noob’s first exposure to a hardcore ‘Muricuhn soccer fan was a douchebag TA in college who was a bandwagon-jumping Seattle supporter.   And I’d still be rooting alongside The Management for KC today, given his ties to that area.  But the Sounders’ turnaround has been simply epic.  Much respect.

Sporting could do absolutely nothing right in July.  Noob would’ve best against them hosting mid-table FC Seoul (picked as a nod to The Management’s current business trip).   But now they’ve won four in a row themselves, are only a point or two from retaking 1st place back from FC Dallas.  They haven’t allowed ANY goals over that stretch.

This match might be a defensive slugfest.   But it’s going to be more than worth the view.  4:00 PM EST today online with ESPN+ or broadcast on Univision Deportes.

RESULT:   Seattle   3-1       So much for defense.  KC scored at 2′, though it was all Sounders after that.

B.  Cincinatti vs. Pittsburgh Riverhounds – United Soccer League

Yup.  We’re shifting to a second-division matchup instead of a second MLS one.  We’ll spread our love through multiple leagues.

And it is a doozy.  Cinci has all but wrapped up the Eastern Conference.  No surprise, as they’re making the move to MLS next year.

Meanwhile, Pittsburgh is in a tie for #B!   Noob adds the exclamation point because they’ve flown under my radar all year.   They were near the very bottom of the standings last season.  They couldn’t score then, and they don’t do much of it now.  But they’ve conceded just 14 goals all season.  To quote Tom Cruise from “The Firm”, “It’s not sexy, but it’s got teeth.”

You know, I never found that line quite so disturbing as I do now.  Must be seeing it written.

RESULT:   Cinci   2-1      But Pitt made them work for it.   FCC got it’s two goals in the last 10 minutes of regular time.

Image result for tom Cruise weird

 

Cruise without teeth.

Good LAWD.   This was an error in judgement.

Should’ve put in a Number B-image.

  1. Leon vs. UNAM Pumas – Liga MX

One of the radio hosts I listen to regularly pronounces the “MX” letters as they would be in Spanish.

We’re in Amuricuh.  We can say just “em. ecks.”   It’ll be fine.

(tied-for-8th versus tied-for-5th)  (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Pumas   1-2         Felipe Mora with a pair of goals

  1. Chelsea vs. AFC Bournemouth – English Premier League

Leicester City hosting Liverpool might have a shade more cache, but Noob’s giving the edge to his Fighting Cherries!  Given that they’re one of the three matches being given stateside TV coverage (10:00 AM, NBCSN).

Chelsea have been electric on offense in their first three matches, winning them all.  Bournemouth should’ve beaten Everton to get a third win, too, after they’d gone a man up.  My guys will do well to get a draw at one of the mammoth-budgeted teams grounds today.

RESULT:   Chelsea   2-0       Noob has read and heard some are encouraged by AFCB’s keeping the match scoreless most of the way.  I say you’ll rarely if ever get a result possessing the ball just 27% of the game.  Oy veh.

Image result for aFC bournemouth funny

 

Guys!   I’m pretty sure “standing on one’s head” is an expression regarding goalies.

Noob is worried.

  1. Washington Spirit vs. Sky Blue – National Women’s Soccer League

Four of the eight teams make the postseason.  These two have been out of the running all summer.  So why Track it?   It’s the only domestic top-flite ladies’ match today.  Also, Sky Blue is running out of chances to get their first win of the season.  This may be as close as they get.

RESULT:      ppd

  1. France vs. Mexico – international women’s friendly

France are the host country for the 2019 women’s World Cup, so they’re not having to play in the UEFA qualifying tournament.  Mexico needs the tuneup before they enter at the final stage of the CONCACAF qualifying event going on now.

They are ranked #3 and #25, respectively, by FIFA.  (3:00 PM, TV5MONDE)

RESULT:   France   4-0       Eugenie Le Sommer with two goals in the second half

Image result for waiting gif

 

They must wait, Inigo.  

We must all wait sometimes.

  1. Iceland vs. Germany – UEFA women’s World Cup qualification

Germany are #3 in FIFA and ranked #1 in Europe.  Yet they trail Iceland by a point in their Group table with just two matches left to play.  Only the winners automatically qualify, and only about half the runners-up will get to vie for one last berth in their own mini-tournament.

Iceland are only ranked 29th in the world.  But they upset Germany on the road 2-3 in the first match they played of this double-round robin.   Germany must get at least a draw today, or they could be sitting at home for WC 2019.

RESULT:   Germany   0-2       Svenja Huth with two scores

  1. Slavia Prague vs. Viktoria Plzen – Czech First League

I was just reading up today on the 80’s-90’s new jack swing group ‘Wreckx-n-Effect”.  Checking oneself before the possibility of wrecking oneself comes recommended, by them and Noob both.  Safety first.

What I did not know was that the group’s name originally was not spelled with an X in it.  That was only added after one of their members was shot, symbolic of his absence.

(League #1 versus #2)

RESULT:   Slavia Prague   4-0      S.P. take over 1st now on GD.   Tomas Soucek scored twice.  Plzen had a tough go of it after going down to ten men in the 1st half (red card).

Image result for wreckx n effect

 

 

 

Rest in Power, Brandon Mitchell.

  1. Consadole Sapporo vs. Vissel Kobe – Japan J1 League

4th versus 5th doesn’t quite match Noob’s criterion coming out of an 18-team league.   But The Management must be appeased.  Since he’s a Japanophile, Match Nine is a sop to him.

Only the top three from Japan make the AFC Champions League.  With the season 2/3 over, this isn’t quite and elimination match, but both sides will likely play like it’s one.  And they should.

Neither has quite the defense to match up properly with the top three teams, yet Noob thinks both teams will be tight and we’ll have a low-scoring affair here today.

RESULT:   Sapporo   3-1      Kobe lost a player to a red card right at the half.

  1. Metz vs. Lens – France Ligue 2

At time of scouting, this was a 1-2 matchup.  But Niort just climbed to #B in the table as Noob was writing, so it’s #1 versus #3. But Niort have played one or two more games than these clubs, so they’re cheaters and we’re Tracking this. ?

I thought about going back and featuring Columbus vs. NYCFC.  But variety is the spice of life.  And since there’s spice, we’re letting the French cook.  Not Ohioans.

Last season in Ligue 1, an attacking side of The Management, Dan the former Intern-o Inferno and I could’ve scored on Metz.  And so they finished last and were unceremoniously Relegated.  Lens were a bottom-feeder in this league, but stayed afloat with enough draws.

And look at them now!  Metz says they’re ready to go right back up, are 5-0-0, scoring at will.    Lenz have yet to let anyone score on them.  Viva la France!  Top three will all get automatically Promoted to Ligue 1 at season’s end.

RESULT:   Metz   2-0      It’s a Track full of red cards!   Lens lost a man mid-first half.

Image result for cathedrale st etienne metz stained glass

So long from Metz, Lorraine!

Cathedrale St. Etienne – home of perhaps the world’s broadest stained glass collection.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (8/26) – the best of footyball, home and abroad!

Noob tends to get more than a bit silly covering and learning about soccer.

Noobstradamus, in-house prognosticator.  Always fighting with The Management.  Screaming about Tottenham Hotspur being named for an historic traitor.  Lamenting teams from cities built on Swamps.  The quest to displace Number Two with Number B in all lists…

But weekends, things get (comparatively) serious.   End your weekend relishing in the umami-like rich goodness of Sunday’s mini-previews.  You’ll laugh a little, you’ll learn more.

Please considered following Noob on twitter: SoccerNoobUSA.com, and remmeber to check back for match results.

  1. Portland Timbers vs. Seattle Sounders – Major League Soccer

Rivalry Week has saved one of it’s heartiest hate-matches for last.  On top of the intra-regional malice, there’s a lot at stake.

Six from each conference make the Playoffs.  Right now, Portland sits in 6th, just two points up on Seattle.

Please, Timbers, turn things around!  Long-tenured Noobites may recall that my first ever experience with a hardcore soccer fan was a college TA/Sounders bandwagon jumper.  I want that wagon to fall off a cliff!  Noob may not be stable or normal, but I am consistent and sincere.

The problem is, Seattle’s been playing extraordinary ball for two months, not having lost a match since late June.  No one’s scored twice on them over this period. Portland, meanwhile, has lost three straight games.  Two of those were against teams not likely to make the Playoffs themselves.  Timbers have conceded nine goals in those matches.

If Portland are to do as they should, they’ve got to get the heart of their defense right.  International centerback Larrys Mabiala has been épouvantable, while goalkeeper Jeff Attinella has been just as abysmal.   (9:30 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT:   Seattle   0-1

Image result for larrys Mabiala funny

 

Larry’s started believing he’s Keanu Reeves in “The Matrix”.

May be the issue.

B.  New York Red Bulls vs. D.C. United – Major League Soccer

English all-time great Wayne Rooney has been everything D.C. could’ve dreamt.  Since he’s arrived midseason, they’ve won five, drawn one, and lost no matches.  They’re still six points out of the six and final Playoff slot in the East, but are now 8th.  Given that they were in the basement for the entire first half of the season, that’s incredible.

The Red Bulls were playing like the league’s best team midsummer.  And they haven’t lost in their last four outings.  And they’re still #B in the conference.  Still, are they fading a tiny bit?  Road draws against NYCFC and non-playoff Vancouver are okay.  A workmanlike road win against awful Chicago is good enough, just.  A close home win over good-but-fading-themselves LAFC…

Maybe it’s just the road being hard.  Yes, Noob’s imagining NYRB’s imminent demise.   (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   NYRB   1-0

Image result for imagine letter BNumber B, doing some messed up reimagining of self.

Is it not enough to merely be usurping Number Two’s place?

  1. Newcastle vs. Chelsea – English Premier League

Last season, Newcastle surprised with a 10th-place finish, having just been Promoted from the second division.   But they’ve followed up on that so far.  A loss Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – even at home – is clearly forgivable.  The home, scoreless draw to just-Promoted Cardiff is less so.

Chelsea have won their first two against pedestrian competition.  After a disappointing 5th-place finish in defense of their previous league title, they won’t be sleeping on anyone.  Missing out on Champions League (top four get invites) will have that effect.   (11:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Chelsea   1-2

  1. Santos vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

What a gigante match!  #3 hosts the only undefeated remaining and #1.  They’ve scored 22 goals in their six matches.  This doesn’t guarantee a shootout though.  Cruz Azul have only allowed one.   (7:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for giant soccer ball

 

 

Gigante!!

Hey, no hands.   I don’t see you in-net.

  1. Cray Valley Paper Mills vs. Ashford Town – English FA Cup

It’s not so much that this individual math is “important” that it’s neat to know that the FA Cup has already begun.  The big-league clubs won’t enter the competition for some time.

In truth, teams from this far down the football pyramid are unlikely to get anywhere near the Round where the Premier League clubs start playing.  But who knows, maybe we’ll have a history-making Minnow!

CVPM play out of the 9th-tier Southern Counties East League (formerly known as “Kent League”), in which they finished 6th in the higher of its two divisions.  They’re from Eltham, which is in the Greenwich Borough (southeast greater London).

Ashford town finished 12th in the 8th-tier Southern League Division One last season.  This year, they’ve made a lateral move to the Isthmian League.  They’re from Stanwell – just northeast of greater London – in the Surrey area of Spelthorne Borough.

RESULT:   Cray Valley   4-1

  1. Marseille vs. Rennes – Ligue 1

The French top league is already three matches into their season, but this is the first one that’s featured two teams from the top quarter of last season’s table.  These two finished in 4th and 5th, meaning they were the best two to not get invites to Champions League.

At least Marseille only missed the CL berth by a point in the table.  There was a massive gulf in the table between them and Rennes.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for you are not invited

 

 

Would it make a difference if Noob and Rennes brought delicious scones?

 

  1. Jamaica vs. Antigua and Barbuda – women’s World Cup qualification (CONCACAF)

Reminder:  This is also the women’s CONCACAF Championship, doubling as qualification for next year’s WC.

This is the second round of Group Stage.  To get here, each had to win their previous group.   FIFA-ranked #133 A&B didn’t allow a goal in the previous stage’s three matches, but only scored five themselves.  #71 Jamaica, meanwhile, had a GD of 18-2.  Home team by a couple goals today, easily.

RESULT:   Jamaica   9-0         not a typo

  1. Dorados de Sinaloa vs. Correcaminos UAT – Ascenso MX

Welcome to the Track, Mexican second division!   Noob’s making a concerted effort to stay closer to home, with more CONCACAF/Western Hemisphere/North Amuricuhn matches than ever before.

Sinaloa are in 12th of 15 teams this Apertura (first-half season).  UAT are in 8th.   Noob sources are conflicted as to whether seven or eight team will qualify for the postseason Liguila, but either way, Correcaminos are right on that line.

Los Dorados have yet to win a match, but it’s early.  Noob thinks they will get a result at home today.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for welcome and fuck off

 

 

Yes, um, it’s Ascenso league coverage.

Do what now?

  1. Club Brugge vs. Anderlecht – Belgium First Division A

Club Brugge more or less ran away and hid from the pack over the regular season.  When it came time to play the last 10 matches in a Championship division, they fell back to earth a little, but still win the title.

Anderlecht went from second to third over that same stretch, seemingly having hit a wall, finishing those last ten matches with a negative GD even.  If they want to have a shot of their own at the hardware, they’ll have to have improved defense in 2018-19.  The were easily the worst in that regard of all the top clubs, and didn’t have offense that made up for it.

RESULT:   Brugge   2-1

  1. Qarabag vs. Neftchi – Azerbaijan Premier

We finish today’s Track in UEFA’s #23-ranked league.  Like most other European domestic leagues, they’re just getting started.

If you don’t already, get to know the name Qarabag.  They are the perennial power in here, easily the favorite to once again decimate all before them and get the league’s one CL berth.  Their offense is good.  They’re defense was about impenetrable.  They conceded less than a goal every other game on average last season.  Neftchi was 3rd.

RESULT:   1-1

 

So long from Baku, home of Qarabag!

Is that a Death Star they’re building or a seven-star hotel?

(Both!)

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (8/25) – MLS, NWSL, Noob’s fave Fighting Cherries

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Plenty of ‘Muricuh, North ‘Muricuh, Caribbean spice and then footyball flavors from the world over.   Savory.  Let’s eat.

  1. Philadelphia Union vs. New England Revolution – Major League Soccer

Hard to believe New England are still in the playoff hunt, just four points behind Philadelphia for 6th and the last postseason berth.  They haven’t won a match since June and have given up multiple goals every match but the first in this nasty streak of seven.

The Union, meanwhile, have won three in a row, including one that puts them in the Final for the US Open Cup next month.  The defense has been good, but the offense has been superb.  If the teams continue to trend as they have, this match could get out of hand in a hurry.

If New England hope to right the ship, Matt Turner’s got to get it together in goal.  But Noob thinks that the weak link in the back line has been on the right side.  Andrew Farrell was an all-star in 2016, but he’s playing like an all-stooge right now.   (7:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Philly   1-0       Statistically, Farrell and Turner were the second and third-worst defenders for either team today.

Image result for andrew farrell new england revolution funny

 

 

Somehow, Andrew just doesn’t look… ready.

B.  Seattle Reign vs. North Carolina Courage – National Women’s Soccer League

A quite probable preview of the postseason Final is on tonight for NWSL.   With two matches to go in the regular season, North Carolina has (long since) clinched the Supporters Shield and.   Seattle is also now guaranteed a playoff spot, #B in the standings, up four on Portland.

Noob thinks they’ll both play like this IS the playoffs, not rest many or any starters.  If so, Seattle is only an even match at best tonight, even at home.  NCC score nearly twice as much.

RESULT:   1-1     The Courage got the equalizer at 90′

Image result for BB

 

 

Twice the Number B?

What’s not to love?

  1. Monterrey vs. Morelia – Liga MX

Plain and simple, two of Mexico’s best face off tonight.  Everyone’s chasing Cruz Azul right now, but these two are #B and #4.  The story tonight might be Morelia’s defense.   Every win but their first has been by just one goal, with only one clean sheet over that stretch.   (10:06 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   2-2

  1. AFC Bournemouth vs. Everton – English Premier League

Noob tries not to play favorites in determining which matches are track-worthy.  But it truly looks like my Fighting Cherries hosting last year’s #8 in Everton is the best, most competitive British match o’ the day!

AFC finished in 12th, tied with a couple teams that had better GD’s, last season.  This year, they’re one of six clubs to have one their first two matches.  Everton are 1-1-0, and this is the sort of match they didn’t always win last year – and need to – if they want to climb even just one more notch in the table and get at least a Europa League berth.

RESULT:   2-2      What a wild one.  Everton went down a man just before the half, but took the lead in the second.   Then a Cherry got a red card and Everton scored again.  Two late-ish goals – including one from kit model-Josh King, earned AFCB the draw.

AFC Bournemouth home

 

 

Josh King, sporting the new AFCB kit

  1. Juventus vs. Lazio – Serie A

These are last year’s Italian champs and #5 finishers, respectively.  This could be one wild, woolly match.

Juventus now have the world’s best player, Cristiano Ronaldo.  They add him to what was already the best offense in the league, save one club.  And that one club was Lazio, though they scored very much at the expense of their defense.

Juventus barely beat lowly ChievoVerona 2-3 in their opening match, getting the game-winner in the 93’.  Lazio lost their first on the road at last season’s runner-up, Napoli.  Talk about your tough matches to start a year.   (12:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Juve   2-0

  1. Cuba vs. Trinidad and Tobago – women’s World Cup qualification

This is the CONCACAF Women’s Championship, dually serving as WC qualifying event.  The first qualifying group stage just concluded.  Five Groups of Caribbean national teams played, out of which only the winners advanced.

In this next qualifying round, those five all play in one pod.  Three will advance to the final round.  (Another pod of Central American teams also starts play at this round, out of which two will advance.)

Cuba is ranked just 85th  in the world, while T&T is 50th.  Cuba outscored opponents last round 22-3.  T&T surpassed even that, racking up a 27-1 to one margin (and still only advancing on tiebreaker!).

RESULT:   T&T   2-3

Image result for Trinidad and Tobago women's soccer 2018

 

 

T&T women’s national team

  1. Benfica vs. Sporting CP – Portugal Primeira Liga

Portugal’s top flite league has held steady in the UEFA rankings at #7.  That means they’re the best league that will still get only two Champions League berths.

Last season, Benfica got the second one, with Sporting just missing out in 3rd.  Benfica were a lot better on offense and Sporting’s equal on defense, more or less.  They’ve each one both their matches to start to the 2018-19 campaign.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – Japan J1 League

A 1-5 matchup in a league this size isn’t usually quite shiny enough to capture Noob’s wandering gaze.  But this site has its the Management and he is a Japanophile and must be appeased!

The top three will make the next AFC Champions League, and there’s a seven-point gap between 3rd and the rest with two thirds of the season in the books.  Hiroshima had a chance to practically wrap up the league title with a win their last match out, but current #B beat them on their own pitch.

C.Osaka statistically aren’t really much better than average, and so are probably just an even shot to win or draw at home today.

RESULT:   Hiroshima   0-1

Image result for management funny

 

 

Do you see, do you see what Noob must live with?

  1. Atletico Junior vs. Independiente Medellin – Colombia Primera A

In Colombia, the top eight (of 20) clubs will make the postseason tournament.  These two are part of a three-way tie for 3rd just a few matches into the Finalizacion (second half-season, same as a Clausura in other leagues).

You probably need a pretty deep satellite package to get RCN Tele Nuestre, but the match will be there at 9:00 PM.

RESULT:   Junior   2-1

  1. BATE Borisov vs. FK Vitebsk – Belarus Premier

Let’s end the Track with a 1 versus B-matchup!

Just over halfway through the season, BATE are up seven points in the table on both their guests today and Dinamo Minsk.  All three play about the same defense, but these two are a load better than D.Minsk on offense.  This will be a two-horse race soon enough.

RESULT:   1-1     BATE gets the equalizer right at 90′

Image result for Barysaw Belarus

 

 

So long from Borisov Stadium!

’10 to Track’ Jetsetting Friday soccer matches – spanning the globe for footyball fun

Noob knows this is usually called “Globetrotting Friday”.  AND that “jetsetting” may not really be a word.   But we’re trying it on for size just the same.

With world scheds running a little lighter right before the weekend proper, Noob uses it as a chance for us to soccer-sightsee!  Let’s check out some local matches of import, than hit the tarmac and head for soccer hinterlands.

  1. LA Galaxy vs. LAFC – Major League Soccer

Rivalry Week!  “El Trafico”.  Los Angeles.  The Holy Spirit.  Soft sheets.  Counting.  Science.  Foodstuffs.

Whoa.  Noob started just free-associating there.   No belief in the necessity for editing here.

Better believe that the Galaxy need to get it together though.  They’ve been in a softer stretch of schedule this month and are not getting it done.  No wins in four matches has them tied for 5th.  The Remember: Only the top six in each conference get into the Playoffs.

LAFC are in 3rd, having recovered from their own tailspin.  Home cooking against Colorado and Real Salt Lake was tasty.

If the Galaxy are going to pull it together to stay afloat for a postseason, perhaps they should find a consistent lineup and formation on defense.  They’ve started wholly different folks and moved some around every match of late.

Perhaps Noob shouldn’t question Sigi Shmid – who has the most coaching wins in MLS history.  But he can come to me if he has an issue with it.   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT:   1-1       Zlatan got a goal in the first half, and should’ve been given a second yellow and sent off later.  Shenanigans!

Image result for twizzle la galaxy mascot

 

 

 

Fun Fact:   This is Twizzle, the original Galaxy mascot.

His replacement is a less humanoid-looking guy named Cozmo.

B.  Atlas vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX

Guadalajara was so bad last season, Mexico’s football federation changed the rules concerning promotion and relegation just to make sure this big money club didn’t get stuck down in the Ascenso league.  They’re looking much better, average early this season.  9th place currently.

Atlas.  Noob would chastise you not winning a game yet.  But before we can even get to that stage, score a goal.  Their next will be their first of 2018-19.  And it’s not like the defense is any good, either.  I waggle my finger at you, Atlas.   (10:00 PM, Unimas)

RESULT:   Guad Squad   0-1

Image result for letter B map

 

 

Not bad, Number B!    Looking atlas page-y today.

  1. Queretaro vs. Necaxa – Liga MX Femenil

Perhaps the gals of Necaxa could lend Atlas some advice.  After all, they’ve scored this season.  Once…

Now, Queretaro actually find the back of the net more than once per match on average.  But if they’re going to be anything but low-end mediocre, they’ve got to stop giving up almost three game.  What’s Spanish for “oof dah”?

Fun Fact:   One older translation of “Queretaro” is “island of blue salamanders”.  Odd-seeming, for an area in the middle of the country.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Motagua vs. Portmore United – CONCACAF League

The winner of this tournament gets into the CONCACAF Champions League.  The participants are all from Central America and the Caribbean subregions.  The matchups are all two-legged ties, and they’re in the Quarterfinals now.

Honduras’ top entrant is Motagua.  Last Round, they put the kibosh hard on Costa Rica’s Santos de Guapiles.  Portmore qualified by finishing third in the Jamaican Premier.  In the Round of 16, they squeaked by Belmopan Bandits out of Belize.

Even the rawest of Noobites will surely recognize Motagua is a heavy favorite, especially at home here in the first match of the tie.

RESULT:    Motagua   3-2       The hosts went up 2-0 in the first half, then had to get a second goal from Juan Pablo Montes at 90’+5 to win.

C.D. Motagua badge.png

 

 

Frustrating Fact:   Darn birds are always stealing soccer balls!

  1. Bayern Munich vs. TSG Hoffenheim – Bundesliga

The opening match of Germany’s season!  And we get a shiny one.  Bayern ran away with the league title last season.  They scored half again as many goals are 3rd-place TSG and gave up only half as many goals.  But it’s a new year, and if any club can make a contender’s claim, it’s the visitors today.   (2:30 PM, FS1)

Fun Fact:  In the 1990’s. Bayern was given the nickname “FC Hollywood”, as they were not playing well but the players were all over the tabloids.

RESULT:   Bayern   3-1

  1. Middlesbrough vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Championship

To England!  No Premier League action today, but the lone ECL match includes a club that was just demoted from there last year.  West Brom didn’t average even a goal per game in finishing last.

Middlesbrough made a run last year at getting Promoted up to Premier status.  They finished 5th in the league, got to play in a fo- team mini-tournament for the right to advance.  For second division, their offense was very good and their defense even a little better.  They’ll be in the running for Promotion again in all likelihood.

RESULT:   Middlesbrough   1-0

Image result for Middlesbrough fc female supporters

 

Fun Fact:   Middlesbrough have one of the highest percentage female fan bases in all England.

  1. CIE Ranch vs. University College Dublin FC – FAI Cup (Ireland)

Ireland’s FA Cup is in its Second Round, and here we have a battle of 1st-place squads.  UCD lead the countries second division league by four points.   But these Cups are all about finding Minnows, underdogs to root for!

CIE Ranch play In the Leinster Senior League., which is all greater Dublin-clubs.  Noob thinks this puts them in the third tier in the country, if they play in the top division within that league.  Theirs is the Sunday Premier division, so it likely is.  And they lead it by seven points, on the backs of their leading defense.

Ultimately, we’re talking about pros – even the collegiate UCD ones – versus amateurs.  Still, goooOOOO Fighting Inchicorians!  (Did Noob get the suburban demonym correct?)

Morbid Fact:   The jail in or near Inchicore is where the leaders of the historic Easter Rising were executed.

RESULT:   UCD   2-6       Weird match!   The Ranch actually went up 2-0 early!  UCD got one back still in the first half.    Then at 75′, a Ranch’er got a red card.  You can see what happened after that.

  1. Kopetdag Asgabat vs. Energetik – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

Turkmenistan’s top league is halfway down the Asian rankings.  That’s deep enough that they don’t even get an automatic entry into the next AFC Champions League.

Not that these two would get it anyway.  They’re 7th and 4th (of eight) halfway or so through the league season.  Good thing there’s no Relegation in this league.  Asgabat can’t score a lick.

RESULT:   Energetik   0-1

Image result for kopet dag mountains

 

 

Fun Fact:  Ashgabat is the city name, while Kopet Dag are the mountains seen here.

  1. Ventspils vs. Riga FC – Latvia Higher League

It’s a tie for #B in table in UEFA’s 41st-ranked league.  Hey – they’re playing.   On Fridays, these are the fun ones for Noob.

RFS – the city of Riga’s top team – is likely hoping these two will just draw.  They lead both by seven in the table.  FC play small ball, so if they can control the pace, a 0-0 tie is certainly a reasonable expectation.  Ventsplis relies a little more on their own D than goal-scoring as well.

Fun Fact:  Venstspils is the wealthiest city in the country, thanks to its ice-free port on the Baltic sea.

RESULT:   Riga FC   0-1

  1. Floriana vs. Silema Wanderers – Malta Premier

Just a couple notches further down the European league rankings we find Malta.   This match doesn’t carry quite the importance in the standings as Latvia’s featured match, but it’s no less fun to go exploring.

The Maltese league season is just starting anew.  Last year, these two were 6th and 7th place.  That said, there was a fair bit of a gap between them in points, and a larger one in GD.  If their relative strengths remain the same, Floriana should have more than enough firepower to get the W today.

RESULT:   Silema   0-1

Image result for jason derulo funny

 

So long from Noob and Jason Derulo!

Floriana the town has hosted MTV Europe’s “Isle of MTV” festival 11 years running.”  Derulo will headline this year.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (8/11) – MLS, NWSL, soccer eye candy galore

“The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.”

Weekends are where Noob has a cornucopia of delicious match choice to offer.  Welcome to the Splendid Footyball Buffer.  Take a clean plate up, please, when Noob puts up Sunday’s Track matches.

  1. LAFC vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

The top two seeds in each contest will get byes in when the Playoffs come around.  These two tied for 3rd in the Western Conference right now.   Both have been even higher, but had or have been slipping of late.

LAFC still sports the most goals scored in the West.  They suffer for it defensively though.  They just lost a thrilling US Open Cup semifinal to Houston Dynamo, have not won any league matches out of their last four.

Kansas City was on a three-match losing skid themselves.  But they got out of their tailspin last match.  Which was against and at Houston.  They hadn’t allowed fewer than two goals and won since June before this 0-1 win.

The Management, what which his KC tied, will be pulling for Sporting.  Noob thinks it will be a happy day for him, that LAFC will do no better than a draw at home today.  Legs just won’t be as fresh after the Cup match.

RESULT:   KC   0-2

B.  Orlando Pride vs. Portland Thorns – National Women’s Soccer League

The Pride are in 3rd, but have played the most league matches.  Portland is 4th and just a point back.  Top four clubs in the league make the Postseason, where North Carolina will squash everyone like bugs.

OK, here’s what’s really on Noob’s mind here at Number B.  I was recently vacationing in Florida and wound up at the Orlando Science Museum.  It was very nice.  I astonished at what could be done with a tax base like that city has.  I would go back.

Is Noob an unforgiveable hypocrite?  One of this site’s very open sub-quests has been to denounce cities built on swamps.  Bad urban planning!   I’ve done nothing but spew bile and vitriol at Orlando and cities like them, awaiting the days when they suddenly start sinking into he moors below, never to return.

Orlando Science Museum, at the very least, thank you for reminding Noob that not everything in life is black and white.  You’re something wonderful in a place where Noob expected nothing of the sort.

But you’re still going to sink with the rest of the ill-fated city.  Run, Orlando Science Museum!  Your fate is already set.  Can’t fight science.

RESULT:   Portland   0-2

Image result for letter B swamp monster

 

 

Number B agrees that a Swamp City’s fate is terrifying to behold.

  1. CF America vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

In the 2017-18 Clausura (second half-tournament), these two tied for runners-up in the league, separated by only one goal in differential.  They’re just three matches into the new season, but these two are near the top again.

Monterrey is the really fun team to watch, assuming a Noobite enjoys offense.  You can do just that tonight at 10:00 (EST)  on Univision.

RESULT:   CFA   3-0

vs Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier

Premier League is back!

These two finished 10th and 3rd last season.  Both will need to have procured more offensive firepower to make the leap to their next goals (vying for Europa League invite, winning the league).

For Noobites who weren’t with us last season, here’s the most crucial need to know.  Hotspur was the nickname of Harry Percy, an historical English figure who was a traitor several times over.  If Novichok had been around, someone would’ve sneaked it into his liquor.

Noob carries no truck with such!  Name your club after a spineless coward?   How their star Harry Kane hasn’t demanded a trade anywhere else for the shame of it all is beyond Noob.

RESULT:   1-2   Traitorous Ones   *shakes fist*

Image result for sir topham hatt angry

 

 

Noob refuses to use Hotspur’s full name.

They make the Fat Controller very cross.

  1. Phoenix Rising vs. Orange County FC – United Soccer League

Perhaps noob can control his blood pressure after that fit by returning to some soothing second division American footyball.

Orange County is on a hot streak, not having in over a month.  Phoenix have come off of their midsummer run, been up and down here during the dog days.   They are #B and #3 in the tougher Western Conference.  The top eight in each make the Playoffs, so today for them is about doing more to secure some home pitch advantage.

RESULT:   the O.C.   3-4

  1. CD Marathon vs. CD Olimpia – Honduras National League

CONCACAF me, baybeeeee.   Noob always likes to shine the light on teams from our confederation.

Marathon narrowly won both the last Clausura and the postseason tournament.  But thery’re nowhere near a runaway-best.  And Olimpia finished 3rd and had the best GD, so this should be a dandy matchup.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for honduras funny

 

 

It’s going to be a long season for some Noobites.

  1. Shakhtar Donestsk vs. Vorskla – Ukraine Premier

Noob always feels the need to defend spending space on Ukraine.  It likely comes from not having myself been aware just how good the league is before starting this site.  Theirs is the #8-ranked league in UEFA, ahead of nations like Netherlands, Turkey, Belgium and Denmark.

That said, it is very much a top-heavy league.  Today’s hosts and Dynamo Kyiv are the only powers there.  Donetsk won the 2017-18 campaign.

Vorskla finished a distant third, the best of the rest.  If they gave any chance of an upset today, it will be playing their trademark defense.  They’re not holding their breath in Potlava on this possibility.

RESULT:   Donetsk   4-1

  1. Blarney United vs. Derry City – FAI Cup (Ireland)

Ireland’s FA Cup is in its First Round, though this is actually the second round of the event.  32 teams remain in the competition.

Blarney play out of the second division of three in the nationally third-tier Munster Senior League.  If you like Minnows, this is a team for you.  They got a fortunate draw and get to host this single-match knockout match.  They’ll still be mighty underdogs to midtable Premier side Derry.

RESULT:   Derry   2-12     See, guys — that’s just mean.

Image result for blarney united fc

 

 

Noob’s no engineer, but it feels like maybe sound structural principals were tossed to the wayside here.

  1. Union La Calera vs. Universidad Catolica – Chile Premier

OK, so maybe some MLS match featuring a couple also-rans might still be “more important” to Noob’s mission statement-target demo – “the newish American fans of the global game”.   The word “global” in there is no accident, more than just filler.  Here, we’re always going to be soccer-citizens of the world, learn a little about leagues and teams everywhere.

So without further adieu, welcome to the Track, La Carera!  First-time here, almost certainly since they were just promoted from the second division this season.  And here they are in 3rd, and just four points behind the two league leaders in the table.  Impressive debut!

This league’s season is halfway through.  La Carera didn’t beat either of the top two clubs, and U. Catolica is one of those.  Even though that first match went just 1-0 to the traditional powerhouse, it’s hard for Noob to imagine ULC can hang on to this table position a whole year.  It’s been a nice run, and Noob hopes he’s wrong about the demise I think you’re about to meet.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Consadole Sapporo vs. Cereso Osaka – Japan J1 League

Despite finishing in the bottom half of the league last year, Cerezo Osaka won the Emperor’s Cup and League Cup both.  As winners of the latter, they got to play in a money match with Argentina’s Independiente, the Sugura Bank Championship (but lost).  They’re currently just 7th in the league.

Sapporo are in 4th place, though well back of the league’s two primary leaders.  This isn’t normally a match Noob would Track, based on their table positions.  But The Management must be appeased.

The Management is a Japanophile. Noob likes to keep him sated by tossing him the occasional bone when it’s been too long since this league has offered up a premium matchup.

On a side note, he just got to meet or at least see Japanese soccer legend Keisuke Honda.  Keisuke is the only Japanese player to have scored in three different World Cups, including one against Senegal just a couple months ago.  He was most recently with CSKA Moscow, but signed with Aussie juggernauts Melbourne Victory just days ago.

Noob’s waiting on getting a signed something-or-other.  A napkin, but of toilet tissue – Noob’s has no pride.  And I will be holding my breath awaiting its arrival.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for keisuke honda funny

 

 

So long ’til tomorrow, from Noob and Keisuke!

 

Um, should we put on an R. Kelly slow jam, Mr. Honda?

’10 to Track” for Globetrotting Friday (8/10) – NWSL, Liga MX’s, and 2018-19 English Premier! lead the way

Globetrotting Friday!   Passports ready?  Wunderbar.

Since league schedules the world over tend to run a little light, Noob spends Fridays jetsetting the world over with you, ogling soccer near and in far-flung hinterlands.

Strap in tightly, and don’t forget to please follow Noob on Twitter:  @SoccerNoobUSA.  Thanks for your consideration and readership!

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. North Carolina Courage – National Women’s Soccer League

They’re about ¾ of the way through the regular season in America’s top pro women’s league.  The top four teams will make the Playoffs.

Chicago is in tied for 5th with Utah Royals and trail Portland Thorns by just a point.  They’ve played two fewer matches than both those teams, so Red Stars are looking okay.

In fact, only the Courage have beaten Chicago since May.  If they play there starters today, Noob would still favor they by a goal, even on the road.  NC has already won the Supporters’ Shield, being sooooo far out in front in the standings.

Fun Fact:   Progress, Towers, Union, Blues, 1871,and Wind were all considered as nicknames before Red Stars win in a landslide on a fan-ballot.

RESULT:   1-1

B.  New York Red Bulls II vs. Louisville City – United Soccer League

Defending league champs Louisville are in 4th place right now in the Eastern Conference.  That’s good for a home playoff match when the Playoffs come.  NYRB reserve team trail them by just a point though.  Red Bulls II lead the league in goal-scoring by a wide margin.  Can Louisville control the pace on the road?

RESULT:   Louisville   4-6      Cameron Lancaster with three goals for the winners

Image result for B is for bullshitNumber B!  We don’t run blue here.

But Noob does wonder what’s up with the dolphin.  And in a classroom but with a graduation cap on…

  1. Monarcas Morelia vs. Necaxa – Liga MX

“How does Noob decide which league matches are worthy of Track status early in that league’s season?”

Thanks for writing in, little Billy Connelly of Springfield.  Once all clubs in a league have played five matches, Noob looks at that season’s standings.  In non-North American leagues, both teams have to be in the top quarter (top three for the smallest ones) of the table to warrant Track-consideration.  Prior to that point, Noob uses the last complete season’s standings in that same way.

“Why won’t my mommy and daddy let me sleep with them in their bed every single night?”

Little Billy, as wise as Noob is, I am hesitant to answer questions of this nature.

But since you went to the trouble!   Your mom and dad are likely cooking up meth in there.  Are they stuffing the gap under the door with towels?  If so, sneak outside some night late and see if the windows are open.

“Thanks, Mr. Noob!”

I’m here to help.  Oh, and this football matchup features last Clausura’s (second half season’s) #8 and #11 teams.  Necaxa had a great goal differential, despite missing the Liguilla (postseason tournament), but had a mind-boggling ten draws in their 17 matches.  Gotta get W’s to play for the title.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

Fun Fact:  Noob is a rapscallion and ne’er-do-well, a cretinous yahoo on all accounts.

RESULT:   Morelia   2-1

  1. Queretaro vs. Santos Laguna – Liga MX Femenil

For claiming to be focused on soccer close to home, Noob didn’t give the Mexican’ top women’s league much coverage in the first year of this site.  Starting to change that.

All the men’s clubs but two field a top-flite women’s team.  These two finished 10th and tied for 7th in the aggregate table last year.  But the women’s side only sends four clubs each to the postseason, so both have lots of improvement to have done.

Querataro need to up the ante on their defensive efforts in particular.  They were woeful in that department during the 2017-18 Clausura.

RESULT:   Queretaro   3-1

Image result for foghorn leghornI say-I say-I say:    Queretaro are “the White Roostahs”.   Foghorn Leghorn is the official mascot.

 

(OK, that bit was half-true)

  1. Real España vs. Tauro – CONCACAF League

The Central American and Caribbean countries of our region have their own tournament to qualify a club for the next CONCACAF Champions League.  16 teams compete for a single berth.  This is the opening round of this Bracketed event where each pair of teams play two-legged ties.

Real España are the second entrant out of Honduras.  Tauro only qualified as one of the two wildcards out of Panama.  The latter won the first leg 1-0.  R.E. should be considered a full-goal favorite at home.  So, noob expects this one to come down to away-goals tiebreaker or penalty kicks.

The winner will play Walter Ferretti out of Nicaragua in the Quarterfinals.  That team at a surprisingly tough time getting past Martinique’s Clubs Franciscain, the fourth and final entrant out of the Caribbean qualifiers.

Fun Fact:   Real España are the only club to be named Real (“royal”) by a Spanish monarch  that is not from Spain

RESULT:   1-1     And so Tauro advances on 1-2 aggregate.

  1. Manchester United vs. Leicester City – English Premier League

In many ways, this is perhaps the most important match in the world today.  The greatest league in the world (pipe down, Bundesliga fans, Noob knows the argument is valid) begins its campaign today.  This is the best match of those kicking things off there today.

Man Utd. finished #B last year, distantly so to their intracity rivals Man City.  If they want to make a move on the title, it’s their offense that will need to have been kicked up a notch.  Or two.

The big question for today’s match is whether the teams’ World Cup players will play much or at all.  Players go on holiday rather than get right back into training with their clubs after WC.  Man United may have to press guys like Pogba and Lukaku into quick action, however, as they’re already somehow facing a rash of injuries to other projected starters.   (3:00 PM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Man Utd.   2-1

Image result for newton heath

 

 

Fun Fact:  This was the founding year and crest of what is now Manchester United FC.

 

  1. Winslow United vs. Easington Sports – English FA Cup

This is the oldest recognized soccer tournament in the world.  Teams from all the way down to level 10 in Britain’s soccer pyramid can qualify to play.  This is the Extra Preliminary Round, the very first matches of the Qualifying Competition.  The “Competition Proper” won’t be considered to have begun for months, until all the professional clubs through Premier League have entered the fray.

These two have never played in FA Cup before.  Winslow United qualified out of the Spartan South Midlands Football League, level 10 in the pyramid.  Actually, they play in the First Division of that league.  The next step up in the pyramid (9) is the SSMFL’s Premier Division.  Last year, they finished 3rd of 20 teams, just missing promotion.

Easington Sports position in the English soccer world is the same.  They play in the Hellenic League, out of the First Division West, level 10.  A promotion would put them in that same league’s Premier.  Last year, they finished 3rd out of 14 clubs, also narrowly missing promotion.

The fun in FA Cups is largely considered watching out for Minnow – .underdogs from lower divisions that make runs into the Compeition Proper.  It’s unlikely one would come from this far down, so the point of Tracking them is largely just to let Noobites know that the event has even started.

Fun Fact:   To give some perspective, Winslow is a town of about 4,000.

RESULT:   1-1     In the event of a tie, the teams will have a Replay.  It will be at Easington.

  1. KI vs. HB – Faroe Islands Meistardieldin

And then lots of the fun of Globetrotting Friday is to visit places that simply don’t merit Tracking the rest of the week!

Faroe Islands’ top league just had a banner year, though even so they only climbed a notch in the UEFA domestic league rankings.  Now they’re 51st of 55.  But hey, they’re playing.

These are the only two clubs there in serious contention for the league title and country’s only Champions League berth.  KI lead by two in the table.  Statistically, these two are pretty much identical.  Very good offense, great defense.

RESULT:   HB   0-1

Image result for klaksvik faroe islands

 

 

Fun Fact:  Klaksvik – KI’s home town – is on one of the northernmost Faroe Islands.

  1. Samtredia vs. Sioni – Georgia Erovnuli Liga

Just a touch further up the European league rankings we find Georgia’s best, #46 on the continent (well, plus Eurasia).

These two teams don’t help the cause certainly.  They’re the weakest two (but hey, they’re playing!).  Kolkheti Poti is in last and in line currently for the league’s lone automatic Relegation only because they were deducted six points in the table.  Probably some sort of financial nawtiness.

Today’s featured combatants, should the remain in 8th and 9th-places, will be part of a four-team Relegation Playoff at season’s end.  They’ll battle with Liga II’s #B and #3 finishers for the right to play in the top league next season.

And Noob says “will” and not “would” because these two sad sacks aren’t going anywhere, waaaay down the table from the rest of the pack.

Fun Fact:   Noob wishes FC Samtredia would pick up the nickname “Fighting Mulberries”.  Their region produces many.

RESULT:   Sioni   0-4

  1. Posta Rangers vs. Gor Mahia – Kenya Premier

For 2018-19 CAF rankings, Kenya’s top league will move in at #22.  It’s not historically a very strong soccer country.

Gor Mahia haven’t mathematically wrapped up 1st place at the league’s only CL invitation, but they’re close.  2/3 of the way through the season or so here they lead the next-best by nine points in the table.  They ran away with the trophy last year, too.

Posta Rangers finished 4th, but currently are down in 10th place.  They weren’t great at scoring last season, and that weakness has seriously bitten them this year.

RESULT:   Gor Mahia   1-2

Image result for Nairobi funny

 

 

 

So long from Nairobi, home of Gor Mahia!

’10 to Track’ midweek Edition soccer matches – US Open Cup Semis lead the way

The ten most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

As the big Euro leagues start to roust themselves, it’s getting harder to justify a single Midweek Edition Track!  Soon, there will be re-expansion.

For now, Noob remains efficient.  Match previews are now posted through Wednesday.

Twitter:  @SoccerNoobUSA

Tuesday

  1. Dorados de Sinaloa vs. CF America – Copa MX

Welcome back to the Apertura (first half-season) Mexican FA Cup.   We’re still in the Group Stage – nine pods of three teams playing a single-round robin, with winners and the seven best runners-up advancing.

Veracruz lost both of their matches so far, so one of these two will win the Group.  Cups tournaments, for Noob, are all about looking for Minnow until their late stages.  Sinaloa is our underdog del dia.  They finished #B in their Clausura in the Ascenso MX (second tier) last season.

CF America is really good, so los Dorados will need all the home pitch advantage they can squeeze out of today.   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   0-0      With a match to go, these two have now both clinched at least runner-up status in the Group.  Still, two of the runners-up in this stage will not advance, so all still bears watching.

B.  Chelsea vs. Lyon – International Champions Cup

Most teams that aren’t already done are playing their third and final matches of this event.  That is the case for these two.  It’s just glorified friendlies, so the results don’t matter really, but these two are tied for 10th.  This is a home match for Chelsea, which is weird for this event.

Soon, their leagues will begin, so maybe the club will actually start their real lineups.   (3:00 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-0  /  5-4  pk

Image result for letter B sunglasses

 

 

Number B, already keepin’ it real.

Charming the ladies.  Unlike that poser Number Two.

 

Wednesday

  1. Houston Dynamo vs. LAFC – U.S. Open Cup

It’s the Semifinals of America’s FA Cup today!  This is a knockout format, so no return leg to Los Angeles.

Both teams have been on skids in MLS.  Houston has lost three in a row, sunk all the way to 10th place in the West.  Since they’re almost certainly not Playoff-bound, perhaps this means they’ll be super focused on chasing this trophy.  Not every team is necessarily.

That brings us to LAFC, who are also winless in their last three.  They’re in 4th out West, seem very much in line for a postseason berth.  That’s hardly guaranteed, but they are also shooting for a top two-seed, good for one or more home pitch Playoff games.

LAFC seems more likely to sprinkle in more reserves and/or subs today.  between that and the GD between these two not being too far apart – despite the difference in table position – and Noob finds himself believing in Houston.  Not that Noob would ever, ever root for a city built on a swamp.  Down with bad urban planning!  (Don’t judge me poorly.  That cause is JUST.)

RESULT:   Houston   3-3  /  7-6  pk       Diego Rossi had all three goals for LAFC in the loss.

  1. Utah Royals vs. Washington Spirit – National Women’s Soccer League

This isn’t likely a match with playoff implications, but expansion Utah isn’t totally out of that picture.  The top four will advance.  Utah is in 6th, and got a surprising point two matches ago against might NC Courage.  They followed that up with a solid road win at so-so Houston.

Washington has lost six straight and sit in second-to-last.  They’re so bad, Noob wonders if they would even beat MLS’ D.C. United…

OK, that was mean.  But was it unfair?

RESULT:   Utah   1-0

Image result for that was mean

 

You’re no Richard Dawson!!  

Get off Noob’s back, Harvey.

  1. UNAL Tigres vs. Tapachula – Copa MX

The Group Stage rolls onward!  Nine pods of three.  Double round robin format.  All winners and seven runners-up will advance.

Tapachula are one of the two Ascenso MX clubs in Group 9.  We Tracked them once already this stage, so we’re going to have some fun continuing to follow them. They got a draw in their first match with San Luis.  They’ve been on a great roll, having won the 2017-18 Clausura Ligulla.

UNAL needs to show why they’re a Liga MX team today, after dropping their first match to San Luis.

RESULT:   0-0     

  1. Celtic vs. AEK Athens – UEFA Champions League

This is the Third Qualifying Round.  After this, there is a Playoff Round to determine final entrants into the Group Stage, where the big boys of Europe enter the tournament.

This round is where Athens enters as the Greek Super League (15-ranked) champs.  Celtic, out of Scotland’s league (ranked #26) entered two rounds ago, has so far clobbered Armenian and Norwegian teams.

Despite the difference in league ranking, Celtic is the more accomplished team internationally in recent years, should be favored by a goal at home.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for AEK supporters riot

 

 

But are you ready for the standard Greek fans, Scotland?

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Toronto FC – Canadiaian Championship

This is just a four-team affair between Canadia’s three MLS teams and the USL’s Ottawa Fury.  The winner gets Canadia’s berth into the CONCACAF Champions League though.  As the country’s soccer federation soon has it’s own broader league (though without the MLS teams), Noob wonder’s if this Championship will field a lot more clubs in the coming years.

Vancouver is 7th place in MLS’ Western Conference, fighting for a top six regular season finish and Playoff berth.  Will they play all starters here?  Toronto are 9th in the east.  As they made the Final of the last CONCACAF CL and are less likely to get an MLS playoff berth, perhaps the will be more inclined to throw total effort into this affair.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Independiente – Sugura Bank Championship

This is a strange annual match.  It’s always in Japan, so Noob assumes sponsor Sugura Bank just pays both teams a pile of yen to show up for a glorified friendly.

This pits the J.League Cup winner – not the J.League regular season champ – from last year against the defending Copa Sudamericana (South America’s answer to Europa League) titleholder.

To give some idea of the relative strengths of the clubs, know that C.Osaka would be among the very favorites to win MLS if they played here.  And Argentina’s Independiente would probably beat them about 2/3 of the time on neutral pitches.

RESULT:   Independiente   0-1

Image result for scrooge mcduck pile of money gif

 

 

Winners get to go to the bank CEO’s house, go full Scrooge McDuck dive into a bottomless pit of yen.

  1. Home United vs. Ceres-Negros FC – AFC Cup

This is Asia’s secondary Cup tournament for clubs, though not really analogous to Europa League or Copa Sudamericana.  Clubs participating in this qualify out of countries identified by the AFC as soccer “developing” and “emerging” soccer nations.   Google up the criteria specifics if you are so inclined Noobites.  We streamline things here.

There are five geographically-based “zones” out of which clubs will advance to Inter-Zonal Finals and then final Finals.  This match is the second leg of the ASEAN (southeast Asia) Zonal Final.  They drew the first match.

Home United qualified by finishing 3rd in Singapore’s top league, which is ranked just above average in Asia.  This would not be high enough, but the champs are a Japanese club satellite team, and so ineligible for international competition.  The #B team got into AFC Champions League.

Ceres-Negros are from the Philippines, the runaway winners of their slightly better top-flite league.  It is ranked #17 in Asia.  They actually played in the pre-Group Stage of the AFC CL, but didn’t make the Group Stage, so they can still play in this one.  That’s nice.

RESULT:   Home   2-0

Thursday

  1. Cerro Porteño vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

The Round of 16 in South America’s version of Champions League is here.  This is the first match of the two-legged tie for these two.

Palmeiras qualified for the CL by finishing runner up in Brazil’s Serie A last year.  They went undefeated in the Group Stage to get to this Round, with an average match result of a two-goal victory per.

Paraguay’s top entrant finished #B in their Group, even goal differential.  They’re good.  But even at home, their only maybe an even match for their guests today.  The winner will take on either Chile’s Colo-Colo or Corinthians from Brazil – a traditional behemoth either way.

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

Image result for General Pablo Rojas Stadium

 

 

So long from La Olla Nueva, Asuncion, Paraguay!

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – UEFA Champions League, Copa MX lead the way

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  This is Noob’s mission, our mantra, a recipe for learning successness.

America, Mexico, CONCACAF, Western and all of Europe, South America, and anywhere at all in the world.  This is Noob’s very general guideline for measuring that importance from out perspective.

(Matches are grouped in reverse chronological order by day.)

Thursday

  1. LAFC vs. L.A. Galaxy – Major League Soccer

As a famous Spanish derby is nicknamed “El Clasico”, so the City of Angels have decided their intracity rivalry is “El Trafico”.  This time around, we even get a match that actually matters in league terms!

Expansion-LAFC continue to impress.  They score the most in the Western Conference, league-wide are only surpassed by Atlanta United.  They trail FC Dallas by just four point for 1st place.

Only four more points and two slots in the standings we find the surging L.A. Galaxy.   They may actually be playing better offense than anyone now, including LAFC.  They haven’t been held scoreless in a league match in 14 straight matches.  They’ve won three in a row, and no one (outside U.S. Open Cup) has beaten them since May 30.

LAFC gets scoring from all manner of places nowadays, but there’s no denying that Zlatan is the catalyst.  He leads the team in scoring, despite not starting the year with them.  The one-time (perhaps) best player in the world and still comically-egomaniacal, talented Swede opens things up for everyone.  Midfielder Chris Pontius has seen particularly huge benefits – a name to continue to look for in the stat line if they are make a push to be a Playoff #1 seed.   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT:   2-2    LAFC blows a big lead at home, giving up goals in the 81′ and 86′.

Image result for dinosaurs playing soccer

 

 

Suggested reading.  Alternate title — “El Jurassico”.

  1. U.S.A. vs. Japan – Tournament of Nations

This event is an annual invitational with just four teams.  The matches are friendlies – no bearing on any other events.  they’re playing a round robin and that will be that.   But apart from being Amuricuh and our interest automatically being peaked, this match features the #1 and #6-ranked teams in the world.  Color me intrigued.  This is one’s in Kansas City.   (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   USA   4-2    Alex Morgan goes for three goals

Image result for America jingoism funny

 

 

Steven Colbert is ready for Muricuhn soccer, are you?

  1. Atletico Madrid vs. Arsenal – International Champions Cup

You know the story now for this event.  Pile of big European top clubs, glorified friendlies.   These two finished #B and a disappointing #6 in their respective leagues last season.

Noob’s intrigued to see this one on TV.  Singapore’s National Stadium just opened a few years ago.  The tiny nation is really pushing to upgrade the quality of their football.   (7:30 AM, ESPNU)

RESULT:   Atletico   1-1  /  3-1  pk

  1. Gremio vs. Sao Paulo – Brazil Serie A

Noob might not normally feature this match.  But #7 versus #B still really matters there.  And Gremio is really in a three-way tie for 5th, just happen to be down on goal differential.  As the top-rated league in South America, Brazil gets six teams into Copa Libertadores (think: Champions League).  Throw in that Gremio are the defending Libertadores champions and we’re in.

Sao Paulo didn’t even make that Copa last year, but they’ve won four in a row to climb within three of the league-leaders (Palmeiras).  Gremio continue to play small ball, and it’s hard to argue with last year’s 4th-place league finish and the continent’s top trophy in their case.  It will be fun to see if a traditional powerhouse can stem the momentum of their streaking hosts.   (6:30 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Gremio   2-1     Come from behind win, two goals for player simply named “Everton”.

Image result for streaking Frank the Tank gif

 

So long from Noob, and a streaking Frank the Tank!

 

Wednesday

  1. Houston Dynamo vs. Philadelphia Union – Major League Soccer

Here we have two clubs scrapping for playoffs berths, which go to the top six in each of the two divisions.  So far, it’s not been working out.

Houston must’ve fallen even farther than Noob had realized.  They’ve actually not lost in five straight matches, yet are still in just 8th place in the West.  Over this stretch, they’ve been winning high and low-scoring games – good signs for a team that has disappointed compared to expectations to date.

#7 Philly just went down to surprising surging L.A. Galaxy in their own house.   Prior to that, though, they’d two consecutive wins!  A road upset wouldn’t move them into the East’s top six, but the Union would be knocking on the door.

A victory today would move the Dynamo in a playoff slot.  Veteran midfielder Romell Quioto from Honduras leads the team in assists.  His name has been popping up a lot in the stats sheet recently for those and his own goals.   Houston needs his play to stay elevated for their climb to continue.   (9:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Philly   1-3     Houston scored first, but the Union tied before the half.  in H2, Dynamo lost a star player to a questionable straight red car and went down easily with just ten men for the remainder.

Philadelphia remains in 7th, Houston slips to 8th because of other match results.

  1. Veracruz vs. Dorados de Sinaloa – Copa MX

When Noob features league games, teams both from about the top quarter of a league meet the standard.    But when it comes to Cup/Copa tournaments – especially early I love to shine a light on Minnow.  These are underdogs from lower divisions, often in positions to maybe earn an upset.

The first of Mexico’s two season Copas is just beginning.  27 clubs from the top two divisions of football divided into Groups of three compete for 16 spots in the Knockout Round.   Veracruz finished very low in Liga MX standings during last season’s Clausura (second half-season.), averaging well under a goal per game.

Meanwhile, Sinaloa finished #B in the Ascenso.  They sported one of the best defenses at that level.  Noob’s not sure how many changes these clubs make in their shortened off-seasons, but if their makeups largely remained the same, Dorados could perhaps earn a draw here.   Any result is necessity for advancement, as neither of these clubs is going to beat Club America in this Group.

RESULT:   Dorados 1-2     Sinaloa with the upset after starting down 0-1.

Image result for Mexico funny

 

 

Noob truly hopes so.

I’ll bet those birds played futsal when they were little to learn that ball control.

  1. Celtic vs. Rosenborg – UEFA Champions League

Noob has perhaps a bad habit in re-explaining each event in each post in more details than is necessary for Noobites who read here regularly.  So, see match #1 in this Track for a few general details.

Once again, Noob’s selected a match to feature here out of many slated for today simply because this one involves the westernmost team in action.

Celtic are the super-dominant Scottish powerhouse perennially.  This hasn’t translated into tons of international tournament success.  But they destroyed an Armenian squad last round 6-0 in two matches and they carry a higher Elo rating (footballdatabase.com) than Norwegian champs Rosenborg.

Rosenborg’s one advantage today is that they are in form, halfway through their league season.  The Scottish Premier hasn’t started up yet.  Still, they’d be satisfied with a draw today and then taking their chances at home in the second match of this two-legged tie.

Their leagues are both middle of the road in the UEFA rankings.  The winner gets AEK Athens in the next round, which enter the competition at that stage.

RESULT:   Celtic   3-1

  1. AC Milan vs. Manchester United – International Champions Cup

Reminder:  ICC is a big pile of really good European clubs playing in the US and around the world playing friendly, warming up for their domestic leagues about to begin.  So it’s hard to handicap them, as any given club is as likely to be playing reserves as starters.

Still, they’re big names, and the games in the U.S. draw very well.  This one is at the Stub Hub Center in L.A. (Carson).  The teams finished #6 and #B in their leagues last year, respectively.   (11:00 PM, ESPN)

RESULT:   Man Utd   1-1  /  8-9  pk     Wait, why are they using penalty shootout in a non-knockout tournament?

Image result for big pile funny

 

Phil Hartman.  Not soccer-relevant.

Noob neither has no needs a reason.

 

Tuesday

  1. PAOK (Greece) vs. FC Basel (Switzerland) – UEFA Champions League

The best thing about PAOK playing outside Greece is that maybe their hooligan fans won’t be in so riled up and in such force.  Noob and The Management cheer for Basel.  Just because he saw their stadium once.   And they’re not Greek soccer hooligans.

This is the Second Qualifying Round.  The event-proper isn’t considered to be really starting until the Group Stage begins.  There are several matches from this tournament today.  Noob rather arbitrarily chose this one by virtue of it involving the westernmost club of the bunch.

These two qualified to enter at this round, did not have to play the First QR.  These and two other clubs entering here got in by finishing runners-up in their domestic leagues.  This is called the “League Path”, as opposed to the “Champions Path”.  Really doesn’t matter as far as Noob can see.

Their leagues are rated 16th and 12th, respectively, within UEFA.   Their Elo-ratings (footballdatabase.com) are pretty close as well.  This two-legged tie should be a very competitive one.  The winner will take on Standard Liege, Belgium’s FA Cup winner, in the Third QR.

RESULT:   PAOK   2-1

Image result for PAOK hooligans

 

News outlets probably just keep violent PAOK soccer supporter-footage a button-click away at all times.

B.  Zacatecas vs. Leon – Copa MX

Just as Mexico’s Liga and Ascenso MX seasons Apertura (first half-season) are beginning, so is their Apertura Copa tournament.  The Group Stage is nine pods of three clubs each.  The winners and the seven best runners-up will all advance to the Knockout Stage.

Noob’s chosen to feature this match out of several today because it looks like the best chance for an upset.  Leon finished just 13th in the 2017-18 regular season Clausura, being ghastly on defense.  Zacatecas won the second division Ascenso.

Zacatecas would’ve been Promoted to Liga MX for this year, but Noob heard Mexico’s FA changed the rules in some way so they couldn’t potentially see big-money Guadalajara get Relegated.  So no club’s moved between the two.  Noob thinks “The Miners” can get a draw today.

RESULT:   Zacatecas   4-3     Leon came on fast and furious with two late goals to make this a riveting match.

Image result for letter B in trouble

 

Not soccer-relevant, but we also quest to learn about Number B here.  

Funny how Number B’s belly gets pointed out, but Letter D’s big backside gets a pass.

 

Tuesday and Wednesday

Coming soon!