Tag: Copa Chile

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/17) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads the way once again

This site serves two purposes, or such is Noob’s intent.   We learn about the leagues and tournaments of the world through the lens of a newish American fan.  And it’s all presented with pretty oddball humor oft times, something for fans Noobite and veteran alike (hopefully).

Weekends, though, the zaniness gets comparatively left by the wayside.  Even during this, the European International Break – which in turn affects most of the world – Saturday and Sunday will offer the best matches of the week.

So let’s dig in and see what goodies the day has to offer.

1. Italy vs. Portugal – UEFA Nations League

Here’s a direct link to understand the basics of what this tournament is: http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

Portugal are in the driver’s seat to win the Group and make the Playoffs. They already lead Italy by two in the table and still have a match to play after this. For Italy, this is fourth and final Group Stage match.

Italy must have a win today and than likely are forced to root for Poland to beat Portugal in the final match for those two. If Italy win by more than two today, than a Poland-Portugal draw would suffice. If Italy can at least get a draw today, they will have avoided any possibility of being Relegated to the League B for the next incarnation of this tournament in 2020-21.

Italy have dropped to #19 in the FIFA rankings and failed to even qualify for the last 2018 World Cup. In getting an 0-1 win over Poland in this tournament, they had their first win of any kind since March, a streak of six matches. Just like our U.S. men’s national team, they’re trending towards younger players in a reset, and it’s showing.

Portugal made it all the way to the World Cup quarterfinals, are ranked #7 in the world. They beat the Italians 1-0 in their first meeting of this event and have one three straight matches. (2:45 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   0-0

B. Serbia vs. Montenegro – UEFA Nations League

This one is in League C, yet that means there’s more at stake, in a way. Those League A teams are all likely to qualify for the 2020 European Championships through a variety of channels. Not so necessarily with teams down here. Each League’s winner automatically qualifies for the Euros, and this may be the only realistic shot for some teams.

Both these teams have played four of their six matches. League C groups have four teams each, unlike the three-team pods in League A, so their double round-robin is longer. Serbia are a point clear of Montenegro and two ahead of Romania.

The teams are ranked #35 and #39, respectively. Given that Serbia won the first match between them on the road 0-2, it’s hard not to see them as the favorite today.

RESULT:   Serbia   2-1

Image result for unrealistic letter B

 

The Number B brings unmitigated joy!

No Number Two ever prompted that degree of delight.

3. Palestino vs. Audax Italiano – Copa Chile

It’s the second leg of the Final! And the stakes are high. The winners qualify for the next Copa Libertadores (South American Champions League). Neither of these teams was anywhere near the top of the country’s Premier League standings, so this has been there only possible path.

In the first leg, Palestino scored the only goal at 90 +3′. Now they have the chance to take care of business at home for the title. But they’re particularly challenged on defense typically, so don’t look for them to be able to take the air out of the ball and hold on for a 0-0 draw for the match.

RESULT:   Palestino   3-2        Victors!    Congrats on Copa Libertadores invite

4. UPNFM vs. Platense – Honduras National League

Honduras’ football season is divided into separate Apertura and Clausura halves. The Apertura regular season is completed and the Playoffs have begun. The top six make these Playoffs, with the top two seeds getting byes.

These two enter as the #3 and #6 seeds. UPNFM earned a 1-1 draw in the first match of this two-legged quarterfinal tie. They’ll likely look to push the pace at home, which is going to be very hard on the visitors. Platense didn’t score much all regular season. Anything but an 0-1 win for Platense is probably doom.

RESULT:   Platense   0-1      On to the Semifinals!

Image result for soccer doom

5. Namibia vs. Guinea Bassau – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

The CAF’s premier national team competition is next year. This tournament is the play-in for that. Groups of four, each clubs plays a home-and-away round robine. Top two finishers in each get invites to the ACN.

South Africa hosting Nigeria might be the best game from this event today. But more is at stake in this one. These two are tied for 1st after four matches. More, the two teams below them in their Group each have a win and a draw. And Zambia is easily the highest-ranked team in the group, so one can expect them to make a push their last two matches.

Namibia’s been the best of this bunch on defense, G-B on offense. Midfield control may well decide this one. A low-scoring draw would serve both reasonably well, giving both a four-point lead over the others. That feels an unlikely conspiracy though. A win for either all but guarantee a top-two finish.

RESULT:    0-0       low-scoring draw it is

6. Barry Town vs. T.N.S – Wales Premier

It’s International Break in Europe, but that’s not keeping the Welsh top flite from gearing up. Surprising Barry Town are merely average on both sides of the ball, yet sit tied for 1st nearly halfway through the season. They even just pulled off a very solid road draw against co-leaders Connah’s Quay.

Perennial power The New Saints have been perhaps even more surprising, at least of late. They’ve dropped two matches in a row to midtable clubs and only got a draw against another just before that. The studly offense has simply vanished somehow.

This is one of Europe’s weaker leagues, so only the winner will get a berth in the next Champions League.

RESULT:   T.N.S.   0-2

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Steve Carrell is pleasantly surprised by Barry Town.  Perhaps.

7. ASE Matoury vs. US Concarneau – Coupe de France

The French FA Cup is just getting underway. Well, the Regional Leagues’ amateur clubs have been competing to get to this, the Seventh Round. This is where qualifying teams from France’s overseas territories enter in, as well as the pro teams from League Two.

The overseas territories’ entries are the reason Noob is choosing to start highlighting this competition so early on. Some of those territories are CONCACAF members, and I’m more focused than ever on our getting familiar with our neighbors.

Noob’s not certain how ASE Matoury qualified from French Guiana. They and US Matoury finished #B and #3 in 2017-18 Division d’Honneur and are playing the Coupe, but not winners Le Geldar.

US Concarneau play out of the third division Championnat National league, where they’re struggling on defense and sitting midtable. Noob doesn’t have any sense of how the leagues and clubs compare, so it will be fun to see how the overseas territorial clubs do.

RESULT:   Concarneau   2-3

8. Edinburgh City vs. Alloa Athletic – Scotland Challenge Cup

Teams from levels two through five of the Scottish football pyramid compete in this Knockout tournament. They also invite a handful of teams from other nearby countries.

This is a quarterfinal match. Hosts Edinburgh are from the fourth-tier Scottish League Two, for the moment. They’re winning it, would be promoted if they finish #1.

Alloa are struggling in the second division Championship league, having just been promoted themselves. Still, Noob would easily favor the visitors to win by a goal or two here on the road.

RESULT:   Edinburgh City   2-2  /  4-3   pk            Upset City!   E.C. climbs back from an 0-2 whole to take it in penalty kicks.

Image result for edinburgh city fc 2018

9. Tolima vs. Santa Fe – Colombia Premier

The top eight make the Clausura (second half-season) here. This is the second leg of a quarterfinal two-legged tie between the #1 and #8 seeds. Tolima won the first match 2-1. Even on the road, Santa Fe still shouldn’t be counted out though. Statistically, these teams aren’t that far apart.

Colombia determines its entrants into Copa Libertadores by aggregate table, combining the Apertura and Clausura regular season records. That takes a tiny bit of the shine off things for these Playoffs, but but not much.

RESULT:   Santa Fe   0-1        But it’s Tolima who advance, 4-3 on penalty kicks

10. Hassania Agadir vs. Raja Casablanca – Morocco Botola Pro

We finish out Track in one of Africa’s best leagues. The most recent rankings as this sixth-best on the content, and their on pace to climb as high as #B by 2020.

This match features the current league leader against #10. Wait, 10? Yep. International Break means slimmer pickings, but this is an important match there, too. Raja Casablanca have only played half as many matches as many clubs there because of having been playing in the Champions League. They’ve not lost any of their four matches and are statistically the best team.

Agadir can really defend, are likely to be near the table’s top all season long, competing for one of the two CL berths for next year. But R.C. defend just as well and score a lot more.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for agadir funny

 

 

So long from Agadir!

 

not trick photography

goats climb Argan trees for the fruit in Agadir.

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/10) soccer matches – Champions Leagues, give us more!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Quirkly little slogan for the Track, the backbone feature of this project.  What does it mean, what is Noob?

The goal is to give starter-level preview several times a week on the most important matches for newer fans to follow.   Nothing taxing, yet informative on what’s going on in America, North America, England and beyond.  Local first, never local only.

And it’s all done with hopefully enough weirdness to bring something to even more seasoned fans.  The Quest for Number B.  Sandwich Reviewoobs.  Scorning “real” named teams that aren’t deserving.  Isle of Sodor Premier League coverage.  Hopefully soon a Stolen Mailbag feature soon.

Saturdays are a little less weirdness, a little more footyball.  Dig in!

  1. Boca Juniors vs. River Plate – Copa Libertadores

South America’s Champions League has reached its Final!   This is the first match of the two-legged, home and away tie.  Not that either will be travelling far.  Both are based in Buenos Aires.

This is one of the fiercest rivalries in sports anywhere in the world.  The fact that the teams are only in 8th and 10th, respectively, in the Argentine Premier so far means nothing here and now.  These are two historical powers in the country and on the continent.

They’re only about ten matches into the league season.  River Plate will climb.  The offense might not be quite everything it could be, but the defense is #1 in the league.  Juniors have gone the other way so far – top four-offense, struggling on D.

Two quick Fun Facts about this matchup.  A year ago, it couldn’t have even happened as a Final.  Previously, if two teams from the same country reached the Semis, they had to face one another.  The goal was to try and ensure the Finals were a multi-nation affair, help the ratings.  That rule was just removed.

Also, both teams were formed in Boca, the same barrio of Buenos Aires.  River Plate are now based in Belgrano, a northern barrio.   (3:00 PM EST, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:     suspended due to rain; now slated for 2:00 PM EST tomorrow on Deportes

B.  Persepolis vs. Kashima Antlers – AFC Champions League Final

Another Final!   And this time, the trophy’s being handed out.  Japan’s 2016-17 J1 League runners-up Kashima won the first leg 0-2.

Today, they try and finish things off against the defending Iranian domestic league champions.  By Elo rating, Kashima is the better team.  But the difference is small enough that Persepolis should be considered the favorite at home.   But by two goals?  Not likely.

RESULT:   0-0      Kudos to the champs!  Kashima takes the title

  1. Crystal Palace vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

Three clubs remain undefeated in England.  Hotspur is not one of them, but rather right behind them in 4th.   If they can maintain a position at least that high in the table, they’ll qualify for next year’s Champions League.   Palace are down in 14th.

They’re on a three-match win streak across all competitions, but haven’t kept a clean sheet in five.  That’s rather the opposite of their league season to date.   The defense has been quite solid, but the offense isn’t what the truer title contenders have shown.

Tenured Noobites know how Noob feels about Hotspur.  The club is named for historical multi-king traitor Harry Percy.  Rather than spew my usual bile and vitriol over this fact, I’ll use this as an opportunity to preview a hopefully-upcoming feature.  Noob is working on an interview with Will Rivard, creator of website Tottenham Hotspur World (Twitter: @WorldHotspur).

I hope it will be a chance at a slightly deeper dive than Noob gives for individual clubs, the sort of site to which newer fans graduate from Noob.  Perhaps a little club history, news on the current state of the team and where it’s headed, maybe even an explanation on why it’s named for such a cretinous yahoo as Harry “Hotspur” Percy.

Whoops.  I said no bile and vitriol.  Just look for it soon, Noobites.   It should be a treat.

RESULT:   Hotspur   1-0

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Wow, Sir Topham Hatt looks something other than cross for once!

  1. Tigres UANL vs. Puebla – Liga MX

Two matches left for these two in the Apertura (first half-season).  The top half of the league (eight clubs) will qualify for the Liguilla (postseason tournament).

Puebla are in 11th place.  They’re just three points behind 8th-place Pachuca.  Still, they likely need to win both they’re remaining matches to leapfrog the necessary clubs and climb three steps in the table.  Trouble is, they’ve allowed 2+ goals in seven consecutive matches.  They’ve been bottom-four defensively to date.

Tigres are in 7th.  They just broke a three-match non-winning streak with a road W over midtable Morelia.  Before that clean sheet, they’d allowed 11 goals over their last four matches.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Tigres   6-1

  1. Metropolitan Police vs. Newport County – England FA Cup

Yesterday, Noob featured a Minnow Watch and here we get another!   This is the first round of the “Competition Proper”, where teams as high as the third-tier of English football enter the tournament.  Previously, teams from the lower divisions have been battling to get to this point.

Metropolitan Police are one of three seventh-tier teams to have survived those qualifying rounds.  They are out of the Southern League Premier Division South, based in Surrey.  They’re just midtable there, and playing dreadful defense.

Newport Town come calling today, from level four of the English football pyramid.  They’re tied for 5th in League Two, though it’s hard to see how.  They make their host’s defense look divine.

Too just look at stats in their respective leagues, this could be a shootout.  Or given the gap in pyramid level, Newport may just come in and crush them.

RESULT:   Newport   0-2

SmallMetPolicelogo.png

 

 

Higher-league teams could take a lesson from the fine crest-work.

  1. FC Porto vs. Braga – Portugual Primeira Liga

Braga are the lone undefeated team remaining here in UEFA’s #7-ranked league.  Tied with them – FC Porto.   Both lead the rest of the league on both offense and defense.  Top two finishers make the Champions League next year.

A draw would leave both vulnerable to fellow powerhouse Sporting CP just behind.  A win for either gives them a real leg up in the title race, even here early in the season.

RESULT:   Porto   1-0

  1. Connah’s Quay vs. Barry Town – Welsh Premier

The Welsh top flite may be one of Europe’s weakest, but Noob’s always down for more tied-for-1st place action!

Connah’s Quay is no surprise.  They finished 3rd last year, about as low as Noob’s seen in my brief time closely following the footsball.

Barry Town?  Yeah, they were in 7th last year.  They’ve won seven of eight matches running, though every win but one by a single goal.  Soccer may not be a high-scoring affair typically, but that’s unusual even in this sport.  They’re not strong enough up front to keep this up all season long, will drop to midtable.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Audax Italiano vs. Palestino – Copa Chile

What an odd Final.  With a Copa Libertadores berth going to the FA Cup winner, one would think the best teams would be getting here.  Audax and Palestino are well down the Premier League table in Chile, 11th and 13th, respectively.

Heck, Palestino is only two spots clear of the Relegation Zone!   Noob wonders if a team has ever qualified for the CL and been Demoted in the same season.

This is the first leg of the two-legged, home and away Final.  Between the higher table position and actually having a positive goal differential, Noob supposed Audax has to be the favorite.

RESULT:   Palestino   0-1

Image result for odd chili

 

Mediterranean Chickpea Chili

C’mon, that’s odd chili.

*sigh*  Who’s running images here with Dan the Intern-o Inferno gone?

  1. Zrinjski Mostar vs. FK Sarajevo – Bosnia and Herzegovina Premier

We return to Europe for a #B-#1 matchup.  The league is only ranked #40 (of 55) by UEFA, yet that only rachets up the drama.  Only one club can earn a Champions League invite.

Sarajevo made a late push to finish even 3rd last season.  Now, they lead the pack by five points.  They’ve averaged over two goals per match, which is astounding.  More so, because they’re among the league leaders at goal-stopping, too.

This isn’t must-win for Mostar, as the season is only halfway done.  Yet falling behind by eight points should they take the L at home today would have them in a bad way.  They’re the #B offense in the league, but by a lot.  It will be curious to see if they try pushing the pace at home, or take some of the air out of the ball.  Noob thinks if they make the game wide-open, they’re going to go down.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Newcastle Jets vs. Sydney FC – Australia A-League

We finish the Saturday track down under in a top-ten Asian League.   Yes, Noob knows they’re their own continent.  They left the OFC for the AFC some years ago.

The season is so young Down under that we’re better served looking at last year’s table.  it was a weird one.  Sydney FC blew everyone out.  Even so, Newcastle had no close competition for runners-up position.

Three matches in this year, Sydney have yet to lose.  Newcastle sits in dead last.  They’ve only scored twice.  Maybe they should try wresting Usain Bolt away from Central Coast Mariners since he hasn’t yet completed a contract with them.   (Yes, that Usain Bolt.  He’s been training with CCM for a while now.)

RESULT:   1-1            Jets’ Nicholas Cowburn equalizes at 87′

Image result for Electrofringe newcastleSo long from Newcastle!

Home of Electrofringe, part of the annual This Is Not Art festival.

experimental electronic and technologically-based art

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday – World Cup, Isle of Sodor, suckitude, and Lalas

‘T’will be an EPIC Monday.

Relegation matches, celebrating the suckitude of teams about to go down a league?  Check.  Oh, and did Noob dig deep to find them.

World Cup!  Natch.  Isle of Sodor – Knockout Round of 16 begins.

And for that last, we’ve brought in Alexi Lalas, American soccer hero.  You read that right.  The Lalas.   Noobites, it’s a special day.

  1. Mexico vs. Brazil – FIFA World Cup

Many an American has jumped on the bandwagon for “El Tri”.  Many others have bashed the former for it.  Noob holds no position.  Root for a neighbor; cheer against our rivals.  No lives or loves are lost over it.  And it anyone gives you grief, you poonch that naysayer right in the snoosage.

Noob’s research shows Mexico are 6:1 underdogs.   Brazil are the five-time champions and ranked #2 in the world, so it’s understandable.  But Mexico did beat #1 Germany (now out of the tournament), so nothing result here would be earth-shattering.

Brazil brings so much firepower, they will be hard to contain.  Neymar.  Coutinho.  Paulinho, too, if those first two get too covered up.  For Mexico, Javier Hernandez if their penalty box-prowler who will be looking for stickbacks.

And there you have it, Noobites!   Just enough to get you through water cooler chat.  Now go, be free!  Search out more in-depth analysis on the interwebs, should the Spirit move you.  Noob will.   (10:00 AM, Fox)

RESULT:   Brazil   2-0     Mexico apparently talked a lot.  Neymar, as usual, flopped a lot and got tons of calls.

Image result for water cooler gossip funny

B.  Brendam Harbor vs. Junction & Sheds – Isle of Sodor Premier

Now that the Knockout Round is here, a little about each of our competitors:

B.H hosts today’s match.  Brendam is one of the few towns seemingly large enough for two clubs, even non-professional ones on Sodor.  Brendam Harbor draws its players from the actual harbor area and southern city-proper.  Everyone on Sodor is a hard worker, but this is definitely the blue collar, working man’s team.

Brendam United plays just north of the city, further inland on this south-centrally located peninsula.  They are more “suburban”, if Sodor has what most would call truly “urban” areas.

While there isn’t much in the way of mean-spiritedness regarding much of anything on Sodor (occasional crossness, certainly), be sure that the Harbormen are happy the purported best team on the island in United didn’t make it out of the Group Stage.  Harbor are considered second-best, on the entire Isle even.  Once the first-ever IoS Premier League starts in a few months, we’ll all see who everyone truly stacks up though.

Knapford is a larger town than Brendam, one of the two “main towns” on the island. It sits on the central West Coast, just southwest across the water from southeast Isle of Man.

Just like Brendam, the town fields two clubs (Knapford Town the other).  Both have their blue-collar bases.  Historically, J&S have drawn from the eastern, more inland portion of Knapford.  The club was started by railway workers.  (Knapford Town is east “old town” Knapford, predominately dockyard and harbor territory.

Only five of the eight teams from Pot One – considered the best on the Isle – survived the Group Stage.  Here, two of them face off.  Brendam Harbor won group D with what few teams play much of on Sodor – defense.  J&S go totally the other way.  They allowed 14 goals in three Group Stage matches, still advanced with a positive goal differential.

Noob is on the Tweeterbox, and had the good fortune to get in a Q&A with an American soccer all-timer and current broadcaster recently.   His take when asked who would win the match:

“Shed’s in the bag.” – Alexi Lalas

The Lalas has spoken!   Now to find out if his words are truly, well, truth.  Let the Round of 16 begin!

RESULT:   Brendam Harbor   4-4 / 3-2 pk      What a start to the Knockout Stage!    The Lalas got it wrong.  Chalk one up for Noobstradamus!   Though I’m not sure anyone saw the unusual manner of it all coming.

Late, one of the J&S players must have misunderstood something one of the BH players said.  The Shedder replied with a very unkind comment – which will not be repeated here – about the Harborman’s Manx heritage.

For those less familiar with Sudric culture — they’re a kind people, industrious… but good golly do they dislike the Isle of Man/Manx. 

They’re long since tired out on jokes about everyone knowing Man exists, but that some think Sodor is a fictional location just because of the books and TV series set there.

So J&S played the last 15 minutes with just ten players, Brendam H. caught up, and pk’s went the way of the hosts.  The Lalas is forgiven; Noobstradamus is commended.

Image result for Alexi Lalas funnyImage result for Noobstradamus

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, so this has-been ginger is doing your prognosticating now?  We’ll see about THAT.  My vision says Brendam Harbor wins, 6-1!  I am Noobstradamus.  -I- have spoken.

  1. Huachipato vs. Deportes Copiapo – Copa Chile

Chile’s FA Cup is also in its Round of 16.  Here, they play two-legged ties instead of simply single-match Knockouts.  10-th place Premier side Huachipato won the first game 1-2.

Copiapo plays in Primera B, the nation’s second tier.  They are part of a five-way tie in the table for three of the spots in the league’s Promotion Playoff.  Their focus should largely be on league, getting up to Primera level.  Hauchi will take this match, sweep the tie.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   1-1      Huachipato advances to the Quarters!

  1. LDU de Quito vs. Universidad Catolica – Ecuador Serie A

#1 hosts #3 in a distinct clash of styles.   Quito have built their three-point lead in the table (five over Catolica) on the league’s best defense.  UdC is tied for the league’s top offense.

RESULT:   Quito   2-1

Image result for LDU de quito funny

 

 

 

Que horror, es el pirate-Noob!

  1. Samgurali II vs. Aragvi Dusheti – Georgia Liga III

Third-tier Georgian league – you keep playing on Mondays, Noob’ll make you famous(ish)!

The bottom half of this 20-club league is jousting for Relegation Playoff seeding.  Samgurali are in second-to-last, and Noob thinks it could get worse.  Dusheti is in 13th, and that looks right, based on their stats.  S-II aren’t even an even match at home here.

Fun Fact:   Stalin would visit a  Bathhouse 9 in this spa resort town (Tsqaltubo) where Samgurali clubs are based.

RESULT:   Dusheti   0-4

  1. Guria vs. Matchakhela – Georgia Liga III

Matchakhela are in last place.  Neither they nor S-II can score worth a darn, but Match are less completely-awful on defense.  Not that they will be able to stop #4 Guria.  That team’s just two points outside a berth in the Promotion playoffs.  They hear the siren call of Liga II and will not be denied today.

RESULT:   Guria   1-0

Flag of Adjara

 

 

Matchakhela’s region of Adjara is an autonomous one within Georgia.

  1. Kolkheti Khobi vs. Samegrelo – Georgia Liga III

#16 Samegrelo are an interesting case in that they’re GD could or should have them much higher in the table.  They belong in the Relegation Playoff, make no mistake, but if they’d seal some deals instead of settling for so many draws, they could jump several spots in the table.

This won’t be the day they move that direction though.  K.K. are #B, and excel on both sides of the ball.  They’ll win by a couple.

Fun Fact:  When aske, “How do you pronounce Samegrelo’s townlet of Chkhorotsku?”, the correct response is to enunciate very slowly, “I don’t.”

RESULT:   K.K.   1-0

  1. Mjolner vs. Stabaek II – Norway Second Division

This is actually the Norwegian third tier of football.  Noob told you it was a time of year to dig deeply for Relegation sensation-matches.

Mjolner are 4th in the league.  They’ve played one fewer matches than most and will likely jump two spots after pasting today’s creampuffs.

Said creampuffs are one-win Stabaek II.  They do nothing remotely well and they are in last place, as is appropriate.  They’ll be one of the three teams that gets Relegated to Norway’s Third Division.

Fun Fact:  Stabaek’s first team plays in Norway’s top flight.  They are awful.

RESULT:   Mjolner   4-3

  1. Melhus vs. Levanger II – Norway Third Division

Noob wasn’t kidding.  There’s a Trackable fourth division in Norway.  And we’re on it.  There are 84 teams at this level, broken up into six (presumably regional) Groups.

Four teams will get The Boot into the fifth division (yup, it exists!) from each Group at season’s end.  Group Five’s Levanger II are in second-to-last.  They couldn’t find the back of an opponent’s net if you set them inside it.  5th-place Melhus are pretty average, but could make a move up the table after whacking these weasels today.

Fun Fact:   Levanger (I) played in the Second Division.  They’re lousy, too!

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Lokomotiv Oslo vs. KFUM II – Norway Third Division

These are the 12th and 13th-place teams in Group One.  Noob Tracks and celebrates the downtrodden, but wouldn’t want to watch this one live.  Neither team scores much or really allows tons of goals.  This will be a zero-zero draw.

RESULT:   Lokomtiv   5-0    Well, Noob was sort of half-right…

Image result for lokomotiv oslo 2018

 

“Lokomotiv Oslo — we play behind a middle school.”

And their marketing department is hiring.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (6/19-21) – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup lead the way

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  Noob’s mantra.  It’s mostly Cup action for the midweek, FIFA World and Isle of Sodor.

Noob’s on a whirlwind tour of Sodor, hustling from one village or town to the next each day for matches as I continue my seemingly exclusive online coverage.  To this end, I’m posting just the two feature matches for Tuesday from here in Glennock, even though the train ride to Crovan’s Gate for tomorrow’s key game isn’t long, even by Sodor standards.

Tuesday

  1. Colombia vs. Japan – FIFA World Cup

Welcome to Group G.  All four teams here play their first match today.  Favorite Poland face off against Senegal.  #16 FIFA-ranked Colombia is likely to be the other one to advance.  Japan are just #61 in the world.

Colombia seem an interesting case.  In the last friendlies before a major event, teams begin letting their likely starters play together.  No more auditions, so to speak.  They actually beat France not long ago, but then only managed scoreless draws against Tunisia and Australia leading up to WC.

Lowly Japan actually managed a win against a decent non-Cup-Bound Paraguay side in their last match.  They haven’t tested themselves against the caliber of competition they’ll face here in Russia, and they didn’t perform well even against those teams by and large.

And there’s your water cooler chat-level mini-preview!   Now go, be free!  Dig deeper on the interwebs for more in-depth pre-game analysis.  Noob will.  But this is what we do here.   (8:00 AM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   Japan   1-2     But anything is possible when one team is down a man after just three minutes!   Colombia lost a man to a red card for a handball in the box.  Japan scored the ensuing penalty, gave up the lead, then reclaimed it in the second half.  

Senegal also upset Poland 1-2 today in this Group, so it’s going to be a wild one!

Image result for water cooler chat funny

B.  Crovan’s Gate vs. Brendam United – Isle of Sodor Premier

Welcome back to Group A.  One of the event’s favorites – Brendam Utd. lost by a bad 0-3 margin, even if it was to fellow future IoS Premier Leaguers Tidmouth Works.  We’ll see if that was a wake-up call and they put a hurting on Crovan’s Gate.

CG only lost their first Cup match by two, but it was to Toryreck – a qualifier that will be in the bottom division when leagues’ officially form and kick off in a few months.  And CG gave up five goals.  They’ll be playing in the middle of three domestic divisions.

Image result for Crovan's gate

 

 

Here Noob comes!

 

 

Wednesday

  1. Iran vs. Spain – FIFA World Cup

Portugal and Spain played a match for the ages a few days ago, ending in a 3-3 draw.  Spain will be looking for three points here against the second-highest ranked Asian team (but FIFA-ranked just #37).  Iran got a surprising 1-0 win over Morocco.  Even a draw somehow today keeps them very much alive to advance.

This is an interesting matchup for a couple reasons style- and player-wise.   Diego Costa scored two goals for Spain against Portugal, but may not have room to operate against Iran – a tight defensively-oriented side.  A more creative player like Isco may be one to watch setting up unique opportunities in the front third.

Spain showed some defensive problems in that first match.  Some will argue that might help Iran.  But Iran is going to have trouble possessing the ball at all to try and score as Spain presses.

And there you have it, Noobites!  Water cooler chat-level mini-preview success.  Now go, be free!  Noob is out there reading more in-depth preview analysis and invites you to do likewise.   (2:00 PM, Fox)

RESULT:   Spain   0-1      Isco was your Man of the Match with his ball control, passing

  1. LAFC vs. Sacramento Republic – U.S. Open Cup

The second four matches of the Round of 16 in America’s FA Cup are all today.  This is the one that features the only non-MLS side remaining.

Sacramento Republic are out of the second division-USL.  They finished 8th in the Western Conference last year, just making the playoffs.  This season, they’re in a surprising third place– despite some offensive trouble.

MLS-expansion LAFC is all the way up in 3rd as well in their West.    They struggle on defense, but score like it’s going out of style.  It’s unfortunate for Sacramento the draw for home pitch didn’t go their way.  This may not be competitive.  But everyone loves a Minnow (non-top division underdog), so Noob’ll be pulling for ‘em!

RESULT:   LAFC   3-2     High drama!   Equalizer at 68′, then the go-ahead by aptly-named Latif Blessing at 89′.

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Boooooo.  BOOOOO!

  1. Vicarstown vs. Peel Godred – Isle of Sodor Cup

Hello from Barrow, England!  Look, Noob enjoys Vicarstown the town, but somehow being in Barrow just makes me feel more… real, somehow.  Grounded?  Maybe.  But I’ll be crossing the bridge from Cumbria to The Isle for this super duper Group H matchup!

Group favorite Peel scored a narrow victory over future-second division club Callan FC 2-1.  Now they hit the road to face Vicarstown, a team that is expected to finish at the bottom of the coming Premier League.  They were upset 1-2 at Elsbridge in their first match.

Given that the nature of football play on Sodor has been so loosely organized, it’s hard to handicap games here.  Things will be clearer after a couple years of formal league play, which starts in a few months.  They don’t formally gamble on Sodor, but Noob did throw down a few quid on V-town just because it’s home for them.  Another advantage to sleeping on the English side of Walney Channel.

RESULT:   Vicarstown   5-1          And just like an Iranian fan’s wallet did the fire-trick which he used to try and light a cigarette at his teams World Cup match against Argentina today, a women’s whole purse went up when in a similar incident outside the venue.  High drama!

  1. O’Higgins vs. Colchagua – Copa Chile

Now here’s a Minnow-match!

This is the Second Round of Chile’s FA Cup, the stage at which the 16 Premier teams enter the competition.  O’Higgins is a midtable club from that league.

Colchagua plays in the Segunda Division – the third tier of football in Chile – where they are #B in the table.  These two are from the same geographic area and are very much rivals.   The first match of this two-legged tie ended in a 1-1 draw.  Expecting Colchagua to manage as much and more on the road today is a lot.  But here’s to hoping!

RESULT:   Colchagua   0-0  /  5-6 pk      Somehow Noob had some wrong info on this one.  The first match had ended in a scoreless draw.  Still — Minnow success!

Image result for colchagua football crest

 

 

Uh oh.

Don’t let the luck run out of that horseshoe, boys.

  1. KuPS vs. HJK – Finland Veikkausliga

The Finnish top flight is the lowest-ranked of the Nordic domestic leagues.  But hey– they’re playing!

When Noob first scouted and selected this match, it was a mighty #B/#1 matchup.  Since then, RoPS have overtaken KuPS for Bth place (boy do the Finns love their alphabet soup).  No matter.  Everyone is chasing defending champs HJK again this season.

KuPS lead the league in offense, but barely over HJK – which has the far superior defense.   If the pace is hot, KuPS can win a shootout today in front of the home fans.

RESULT:   2-2

Thursday

  1. Argentina vs. Croatia – FIFA World Cup

One of the bigger stories early on has been that Iceland managed a draw against Argentina in their first match.  The good news for Argentina:  They dominated Iceland statistically.  The bad news:  This continues a trend of not performing well in recent months against WC-level competition.  Friendlies are only that, but patterns are hard to ignore.  The #5-ranked team in the world should be doing better.

Croatia took care of business against Nigeria with a 2-0 win in their first game.  Any result here puts them in excellent position to advance.  Look for them to try and keep the game slow-paced.

Key players:  If you’re following football at all, you know Messi.  Even Noob and Noobites.  Veteran Luka Modric (who plays for Real Madrid) is the name to watch for with Croatia.  He plays midfield.

Additional note:  Croatia sent a team member home after he refused to come on as a sub in their first match.  Not the biggest controversy, but any distraction can obviously get magnified at World Cup.

RESULT:   Croatia   0-3    Argentina may be about to be out of contention to advance!   Modric salted this one away with a screamer from above the box to make it 0-2.  

The first goal happened when back-up goalkeeper Cabellero failed to clear a back pass, instead lofting a little pass, basically, to an opposing player who howled it in.

Image result for go to your room funny

Noob hopes this is exactly how that played out.

  1. Colo-Colo vs. Atletico Ñublense – Copa Chile

Not to make it about Noob, but if you don’t think I’m not rooting for Ñublense forever and ever just because of their club name pronunciation, you’re cray-cray.

More, they stunned the famed powerhouse Primera club 2-0 in the first match of this two-legged tie!    The Longaniza Mecánica are currently in 4th place in the second-tier Primera B.  The other teams right around them look stronger there (they struggle a bit on offense), making their progress in the Copa all the more awesome.

Colo-Colo have also had problems scoring goals in league this season.  The defending champions are in just 6th.  Still, they’re in different leagues for a reason.  Colo-Colo will win at home today.  The question is simply will they win by enough to advance to the bracketed stage next.

RESULT:    Colo Colo   2-1      And so it’s Noob-lense that advances, on aggregate 2-3!

  1. Norramby vs. Cabalnoo – Isle of Sodor Cup

Noob loves Norramby.  Reminds me of Bournemouth, which is a Noob-fave club.  Little resort town of sorts.  They’ll be playing in the inaugural second division of the three formally starting next year on Sodor.

Cablalnoo is a small village, pretty close to far larger Kirk Ronan.  They will play in the bottom division, played through qualifiers to get here.  They got a surprising 5-5 draw against their larger rivals in their first match!  Norramby played Dryaw to a scoreless draw.  They don’t play a lot of defense on Sodor, so this is the anti-double rainbow of footyball happenings here.

So, Group B is wide open.  Can little ‘Noo surprise with another result today?

RESULT:   Cabalnoo   5-10    A Sudric suprise for the soccer ages!   Norramby really need the two middle teams in Group B to have a draw in their upcoming match.

Image result for isle of man cafe

 

 

 

So long from the IsleSound Cafe, Norramby!  

 

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (6/15) – give Noobites more World Cup, Isle of Sodor footyball!

TGIGF!  “The ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow.”  Noob hopes the advent if the World Cup has brought many new patrons so that you can learn some fun stuff about the game, its leagues and such.

There are three World Cup matches today, and it goes without saying that all are “more important” than anything else going on in the football-world.  Noob plans on just previewing one each day early on, with priority given to CONCACAF, top-ranked Euro, South American, and other world teams, in that order.

Noob will continue to spend much of this space on top matches from other domestic leagues and cup tournaments, if for no other reason than to be different from the myriad of other soccer coverage out there.

  1. Portugal vs Spain – FIFA World Cup

#4 versus #10 FIFA-ranked teams in the world face off here.  These two are expected to advance as the top finishers in this Group, and easily.  The question will be who actually wins the Group, which will matter for Knockout Round seeding.

Ronaldo for Portugal and Silva for Spain are the two biggest stars playing today in a match bursting with them.  Also, and strangely – Spain fired their undefeated head coach two days ago.  What the fruit?

There.  Just enough to get you through water cooler-level chat.  Noob knows more in-depth coverage is out there.  I’ll be checking it out and learning myself!

RESULT:   3-3        A match for the ages!   Ronaldo with all three goals for Spain and Diego Costa with a pair for Portugal.

Image result for water cooler chat funny

B.  Castle Rolf vs. Suddery – Isle of Sodor Premier Cup

Three matches today in the IOS Cup.  This is the best one, as two Group E teams from the Premier League clash.  Castle Rolf finished 5th in the last PL table.  Suddery has an uncharacteristically poor year, sliding to 9th.

Castle Rolf have the closest thing to a good defense on Sodor.  They gave up just 1.1 goals per match  last season.  Suddery seemed to be victims of bad luck, leading the league in shots that hit woodwork by a wide margin (39!)

RESULT:   4-4

Image result for Rowlf muppets

 

Wrong.  Rolf.

At least Noob assumes so.  Sodor is an odd place…

3.  Cobresal vs. CD Everton – Copa Chile

It’s the Second Round in Chile’s FA Cup and 32 teams remain.  This match should be a doozie.  Cobresal are the top performer this year in the country’s second division.  C.D. Everton are in dead last in the Primera Division.

The first match of this two-legged tie at C.D.E. ended in a scoreless draw.  Noob still thinks Cobresal will be over-performing if they keep this one a draw again and force penalty kicks.  They’re in different leagues for a reason, plain and simple.

Fun Fact:  El Salvador, Actama, Chile is more mining camp than anything else, where Cobresal are from.

RESULT:   Cobresal   1-1  /  4-5 pk

  1. Ventsplis vs. Spartaks – Latvian Higher League

Welcome to the 41st-ranked league (of 54) in Europe.  Impressive?  Perhaps not.  But as Noob is taking to saying this time of year – hey, they’re playing!

These two are #B and #3 in this eight-team league.  They’re pretty even statistically.  RFS is the class and goal-scoring machine of this league.

RESULT:   Spartaks   1-2

FK Ventspils.png

 

 

Ventsplis’ crest is solid enough, yet would look even better as a key chain.

  1. Plavinas DM vs. Auda – Latvia Cup

Let’s double dip in Lativia!  Second Round action, 32 teams remain.  Unlike in Chile, this tournament is Knockout – one match and done.

Noob doesn’t have a lot to add for this one; just know that it’s happening.  Plavinas DM are a third-tier team, but I have no idea of what quality.  Auda are a second-division side, 8th place.

Fun Fact:  On Mythbusters, the idea that double-dipping a chip into dip spread as much bacteria as just sticking one’s whole mouth in the dip was debunked.

RESULT:   Auda   1-9    not a typo

  1. Brittons Hill vs. Weymouth Wales – Barbados Premier

This league is divided into what they label “zones”, as opposed to divisions.  These two are 1st and 3rd in one of them.

Each zone this year has one team absolutely laying waste to the rest.  Weymouth Wales is one of those.  They’ve outscored teams this year by a ridiculous 36-5 margin.  They’ll be playing Barbados Defence Force from the other zone for the league title eventually.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for 2018 Brittons Hill FC

 

 

The best players in Barbados can shoot Spidey-webs..

  1. APR vs. Rayon Sports – Rwanda National League

Rwandan top-flight teams have done just enough to move into the CAF rankings for next year, moving into a tie for 26th.  Hey, they’re playing!

APR are #B and part of a two-team race for this league’s title and CAF Champions League berth.  Rayon Sports are just a spot back, but seven points behind them and the season is over two dozen matches in.  Apr are better on both sides of the ball, if not by leaps and bounds.  This is a key home match to not blow if they want to keep pace with AS Kigali.

Fun Fact:  APR stands for Armée Patriotique Rwandaise (FC)

RESULT:   APR   2-1

  1. Sporting de Cabinda vs. Kabuscorp – Angola Girabola

Angola’s top league climbed to #13 in this year’s continental rankings – just one spot shy of earning themselves a second CAF Champions League berth.

Kabuscorp are in a three-way tie for 1st place.  Noob read somewhere that this club had been penalized table points for financial naughtinesses, but such is not reflected in the table out there Noob most trusts.

Kabuscorp is the offensive terror of the league.  This is a bad matchup for mid-table SdC, as they have trouble scoring.

RESULT:     now slated for tomorrow

Cabinda (red), exclave of Angola

 

 

 

That shaded area is the exclave province of Cabinda, separated from the country by DR Congo territory.

  1. Cheng Fung vs. Alfandega – Macao Premier

This is the 33rd-ranked league in Asia, of 46 associations.  The real battle in this one will be between #B and 3rd place.  Cheng Fung is in 4th.  Today is a day they can start to make a move on placing, Alfandega are last place with just one win and no draws in 15 matches.

Noob handicaps this match at +5 goals.  Alfandega have only scored 5 all year while allowing a staggering 79.

Fun Fact:  That’s a really, really bad goal differential.

RESULT:   Cheng Fung   1-0     Everybody have fun tonight.  Everybody Cheng Fung.

  1. Guarani vs. Sao Bento – Brazil Serie B

10th versus 6th doesn’t sound like much, but the top four get promoted to Serie A at season’s end.  Sao Bento haven’t shown yet that they have offense to compete with the top contenders here.  These need to pick up evenly-matched road games like these to hope to make the climb.

Fun Fact:  Sao Bento’s club was founded by horse tack manufacture employees.

RESULT:   0-0

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So long from Cateye-witness News newscat and me.  Sorocaba, Sao Bento, Brazil.  Signing off.

Ten to Track (8/9/2017)

1. Sporting Kansas City vs. San Jose Earthquakes – U.S. Open Cup

It’s not clear to me how seriously teams take this event since it’s during the MLS regular season. I suspect they care more than European teams do over their Super Cups.

B. Juarez vs. Guadalajara – Copa MX (group stage)

Juarez finished 4th in the tier two Ascenso MX last season (Well, half season. More on that another time.). They’ve probably got a lot more than they can handle in last season’s Liga MX 5th place side. But Juarez gets to host, so fun to see if this minnow can swim.

I know they call smaller league teams minnows in England. I wonder if it’s used in Mexico. “Pececillos”. Let’s practice.

“Por que tengo pececillos in mis pantalones?” *nod*

Excelente.

3. Palmeiras vs. Barcelona SC – Copa Libertadores

Most competitive-looking of the Round of 16 games slated for today.

4. Colchester United FC vs. Aston Villa – EFL Cup

Colchester plays in League Two, three levels off Premiere. The Noob thinks they reside in the professional dregs because of their crappy nickname – “the U’s”. They were or are also The Eagles, and their badge actually has a Roman eagle standard. Infinitely cooler.

Image result for roman eagle standard

[Actual photo preceding The Battle of Teuteborg Forest]

The Noob loves his history.

5. Vissel Kobe vs. Kashima Antlers – J-League

The Management, as we’ve learned previously, is a big Japanophile. The Noob is afeared of mighty retribution if he fails to Track a J-League game and one or more is available. His wrath may be swift and terrible!

Maybe we can crowdfund a gift certificate to a soapland for The Management’s trip to Land of the Rising Sun.

6. Honduras Progreso vs. Chorrillo – CONCACAF League (group stage)

Count thy blessings, Panamanian Chorrillo team. You’re only in this thing because The National Football Federation of Guatemala was suspended from all international competitions over political interference of some kind by your actual government.

Oh and leave Belize alone.  American Realtors have 6% to keep earning.

Image result for belize independence

 

7. Ludogorets Razgrad vs. Botev Plovdiv – Bulgairan Super Cup

You can’t end so many words in V, Bulgarian Soccer! Learn you some American.

8. APOEL Nicosia vs. Apollon Limassol – Cypriot Super Cup

I -think- this in @ Nicosia. I blame Turkey for interfering, as usual in Cyprus.

9. Unversidad de Catolica vs. Talca – Copa Chile (Round of 16)

If you don’t think the Noob likes writing “Cope Chile”, you don’t know me. Of course, I don’t know me. I’m so tired all the time.

Night/overnight job.

Kindergartner daughter.

Severe sleep apnea.

What is this place? Where are my pants? Did I have a good time?

10. Toronto FC II vs. Charlotte Independence – USL

Because American Tier Two soccer r00ls. And Canadia.