Tag: Corinthians

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – MLS, oodles of CONCACAF lead your Wednesday

Midweek time – that means ten matches over three days instead of ten each.

What can Noob say?   There are just so many hours in the day, and we’re expanding, adding great new features soon!

We’ve already added “Noob Sandwich Reviewoobs”.   Scroll back a couple of Tracks to see the first installment.

Also, Noob is slated to appear on the Bros Talking Soccer podcast Sunday.  We’ll keep you posted on when it’s available on the various platforms.   And no, despite being Twitter-familiar with one another, Noob’s is not sure the Bros know what they’re getting into.  It may go very “normally”.  It may be very “Noob”.   God help us either way.

Finally, Isle of Sodor Premier League coverage will begin this weekend!

Noob hasn’t negotiated exclusive rights or anything.  But no one else is covering it, so we WILL.     Noob covered their inaugural FA Cup which ended a couple months ago.  Thought someone more mainstream would grab the baton and cover IoSPL.  Nope.

So Noob’s packing his bags, ready to split some time between here and some of my fave B&B’s and such on Sodor.  It’s going to be….well, it’s going to be content.  Yay!

(Tuesday and Wednesday matches and results follow further down.)

Thursday

No real preview work today.   Real Salt Lake plays for Playoff seeding against eliminated-New England.   Remember, Noobites:  Real Salt Lake means “royal” and we carry no truck with monarchy on our soil.  None!

Wednesday

  1. D.C. United vs. Toronto FC – Major League Soccer

Not only did D.C. do it – climbing back from the Eastern Division basement, but they’ve climbed into a playoff spot (6th place) with three matches to go.  His massive price tag aside, anyone who thought it wouldn’t be worthwhile to get former all-time European great Wayne Rooney was mistaken.

This all said, there are those three matches to go.  They could climb one more spot up the table, but they could get passed by Montreal (just one point back).

How does their schedule compare with Montreal’s?  Defending champs Toronto FC and their last regular season opponents Chicago fire are bad and worse.  Sandwiched in between they’ll host much tougher (#3) NYCFC.  Montreal play Toronto and newly-eliminated from contention New England.  So Noob thinks the difference may come down to can D.C. get at least a home draw against NYCFC.

I’ve only started learning all but the biggest stars’ names here the second half of the season.  If you’re a tenured Noobite, you’ll know Rooney’s right-hand man is Luciano Acosta.   But look for impact from Russell Canouse, a young midfielder who got the only goal their last outing – a massive win over the West’s #1 FC Dallas.  He was rewarded with a slot on the MLS Team of the Week.  Which I hadn’t known was a thing.  Learningess!   (7:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   1-0   D.C. Utd.          Who else by Mr. Worth-Every-Pound Wayne Rooney

Image result for russell canouse

 

 

A ball, for Noob?  Thanks, Russ!

(Now where are Rooney and Lucky Acosta… get some serious signatures up in here.)

 

Canadia vs. U.S.A. – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Actually, but virtue of making this Final, these two have now already qualified for next tear’s WC.  Congrats, gals!   Not that they or anyone are surprised.  They’re ranked #5 and #1 the world.  Only Canadia even allowed a single goal to be scored against them.

Tobin Heath, Megan Rapinoe, Drunk-Disney Alex Morgan — we know the USWNT team some.  So here’s a shoutout to Canadia’s Christine Sinclair.   She’s a veteran, still a superstar, and trails retired U.S. player Abby Wambach by seven for all-time most international goals scored.  That’s men’s or women’s side.

She won’t get seven today.  Canadia may not score here in Frisco (greater Dallas) today.  But her presence gives them a real chance.  Noob still favors the Americans by two, but we could finally see both teams get their first competitive match in a while.   (8:00 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   U.S.A.   0-2         Hail to the victors!

  1. Panama vs. Jamaica – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

This match still matters in terms of WC entry.  The winner gets in, the loser gets absolutely none fruit cup.  None at all!  Friscoans (Friscites?) will deny them at all opportunities before the loser goes home.

They’re tanked #62 and #64.  Whichever wins, it’s that team’s first ever time making World Cup.  High drama!   (5:00 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   Jamaica   2-2  /  2-4  PK

Image result for soccer drama

 

 

Real board game.   

Noob just up started the ol’ Christmas list.

  1. Canadia vs. Dominica – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Double-dip Noob Canadiaian!

All the men’s teams in CONCACAF playing actually “qualify” for Nations League next year.   But the top ten finishers will make the next Gold Cup.  Those are our region’s championships.  There, they’ll join the six teams that made the final six for World Cup qualifying last year.

Canadia should be there.  They’re ranked #7 in all CONCACAF (if only 79th in the world), trailing only #6 Jamaica in terms of teams that have to play this event to make said Gold Cup.

Dominica are in the bottom half of CONCACAF, ranked #177 by FIFA.  In their first match, they got a draw against higher-ranked Suriname.

Noob is so torn!   Two workplaces ago, I worked with a guy both from Canadia and from Dominca.  Both were cool d00dz.  Funny, I’ve forgotten Canadiaian Ty’O’s first name.   Not sure I ever knew Dominican Julie’s last name.  But he was a laugh riot, even without my being able to understand half of what he said in his thick accent.

I remember one time having to help Julie decipher a speeding ticket, one he got for going so far over the speed limit that a court appearance was mandatory.   Ah, memories.

Wait, soccer, what?

  1. Cruzeiro vs. Corinthians – Brazil Cup

It’s the Final of the Copa do Brasil!   Second leg.  Cruziero took the first leg 1-0.

This is especially important compared to so many FA Cups the world over.  For example, in Europe, the winner is typically qualified for the second-tier Europa League.  Not Champions League.  Here, however, the winner gets into Copa Libertadores, S. America’s version of Champions League.

It’s extra super important this year because Brazil’s top league sends only six teams from there into the CL.  And these two traditional powers are somehow down in 10th and 11th place currently.  And the season there is in its home stretch.   This could be both these clubs’ only reasonable shot at CL.   (8:45 PM, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:   Cruzeiro   1-2      Whoopsie!    Listed Cruzeiro as home team.  They were the visitors for today’s second leg.  Congrats, hombres!

Image result for copa do brasil 2018

 

 

Noob’s diggin’on the trophy, too.

  1. CD Aguila vs. Santa Tecla – El Salvador Primera

Aguila are tied for #B with undefeated Alianza.  Santa Tecla lead them both by two points in the table, but have played one more match than Alianza (the best team in the league in reality).

The soccer year here is divided into Apertura and Clausura (first and second-half seasons). Of the two winners, the one with the better aggregate record will qualify for the 2020 CONCACAF Champions League.  The other champion and the runner-up with the better aggregate record will get into the CONCACAF League, a tournament through which teams can qualify for the Champions League.

The three teams listed are way ahead of everyone else here in the Apertura.

RESULT:   Aguila   1-0     Aguila and Alianza are now in a tie for 1st

  1. La Equidad vs. Tolima – Colombia Primera A

In Colombia, the two stages of the season are Apertura and Finalizacion.  The winner of the postseason knockout tournament following each makes the Copa Libertadores.  So it’s not nearly as strong a league as Brazil.  But hey – they’re playing!

Tolima finished 3rd in the Apertura regular season before winning the postseason.  They’re part of a three-way tie for #B.

Leaders La Equidad have been a surprise this Stage, as they were below average during the Apertura.  They still don’t score like the biggest boys.  Noob thinks they’re primed to get upset at home.

RESULT:   Tolima   0-1       There is now a four-way tie for 1st

Image result for insurance team funny

 

A club nicknamed “The Insurance Team” just isn’t destined to stay at the top.

 

 

Tuesday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Peru – international men’s friendly

USMNT lost last week to Colombia 4-2.  It was a match in which they came from behind, but lost in the end.  It’s a very, very young roster, and in particular the backline was raw as could be.  Today, Coach Sarachan is switching back to a veteran, former Premier League goalkeeper – Sporting Kansas City’s Brad Guzan.  Critics argue the team should push nothing but youth.

The inclusion of veteran Michael Bradley is drawing ire from this crowd.   That’s not a defensible stance.  But Noob thinks that there are enough friendlies to go around.  If you want the players to learn, experience against great opponents, is, well, great.  But mixing in some seasoned folks to teach them from their own side, in their own locker room has to be valuable, too.

Today’s match is being held at UCONN’s soccer field, an oft-used venue for USMNT.  The two teams here are ranked #22 and #21 by FIFA.  Peru just finished pounding Chile 3-0 at the Hard Rock venue in Miami.  That team is ranked #12.    (7:30 PM EST, ESPN2)

RESULT:   1-1        U.S. looked decent when pressing forward.  When they could maintain possession at all.

Image result for too much america

 

 

Noob doesn’t get it.

Get to the footyball matches any way you can, Amuricuh.

B.  Mexico vs. Chile – international men’s friendly

And Mexico’s is ranked 15th, so it’s another quality matchup!  On paper.   That 0-3 loss was telling, and what it turns out it tells us is that Chile did not bring its top stars.    It’s being held at Liga MX club FC Queretaro’s home stadium in

But that’s okay, we’re here to support our CONCACAF neighbors.  Raul Jimenez scored the winning penalty kick-goal for Mexico in their last outing over Costa Rica.   This match will feature a lot of youth on both sides of the ball, so we’re not expecting a ton of goals, but perhaps another dramatic finish just the same.   (9:45 PM, Unimas)

RESULT:   0-1   Chile          The visitors score at 90′ in what was a pretty even match

Image result for mexican neighbors funny

 

Noob’s not going political on this site.  Just not in my ken.

But it seems a border wall might be susceptible to a Ned Flanders attack.

  1. France vs. Germany – UEFA Nations League

Groups of three, top finisher only from each advance to the Playoffs.   This is a League A matchup, meaning these two are from one of the Groups that are ranked by UEFA in top dozen.

They’ve both played two of their four matches.  Germany have yet to score, though they still earned a draw in one of those games.  France lead the Netherlands by a point in the table.

These two teams are ranked as tied for #1 and #12, respectively, in the world by FIFA.   Noob’s becoming less convinced those numbers matter in this tournament.

This is a new event, one designed to add some meaning to parts of the calendar that were previously filled with simply international friendlies.  It’s a pathway to getting into the 2020 European Championships, but that may not be motivating teams of this caliber.  They’re almost certainly going to be there no matter how they do here.   (2:45 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   France   2-1      Antoine Griezmann with both goals for the home side in the come-from-behind win

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – USMNT, El Tri lead the way

Noob’s had to quick-and-dirty the Thursday mini-previews.   My new work sched continues to wreak havoc with my sleep sched.  It os, of course, the fault of The Management.

Um, Noob?  That’s your “real” job.  The only sched I try to keep you to is the one related to taking your clearly under-dosing head-meds.

Just because you’re right, The Management, doesn’t mean you don’t need to pipe down.

Tuesday and Wednesday match results follow further down now.

To arms!

Thursday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Columbia – men’s international friendly

#22 and #14-ranked in world by FIFA, facing off for the nineteenth time since 1961.  Americans have one just four.

After the U.S. failed to qualify for World Cup, new, interim coach Sarachan has been mixing in a lot of youth.  This may be a particularly challenging evening for the U.S. on the defensive side.  Three of the backline players are getting their first USMNT experience tonight.

With top offensive threat Christian Pulisic out with an injury, the player to watch may be his fill-in.  Fafa Picualt played six years for Italian club Cagliari before returning stateside where he has remained.  He currently stars for the Philadelphia Union.   (7:30 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT:   Colombia   2-4         The U.S. actually fought back to take a 2-1 lead after falling behind 0-1.

  1. Mexico vs. Costa Rica – men’s international friendly

#15 hosts #37.   Mexico is mixing in a lot of youth as well.  They made the world cup, and even had a win over Germany.  Still, they feel it’s time for something of a changing of the guard as well.

A couple interesting side notes on this one.   Mexico typically prefers to play the in the U.S. (which they just did) as much as possible during the annual international break during October.   They sell an absolute crapton of tickets.

Also, this is the first time in three years their men’s team has played a friendly anywhere but Mexico City.   This match will be at club team UANL Tigres’ stadium in Monterrey.   (9:30 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   Mexico   3-2

  1. Costa Rica vs. Canadia – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Canadia the second Group of four clubs here in the Group Stage.  Heading into this last match, they haven’t mathematically wrapped up a top-two finish, which would send them to the Knockout Stage.  But they’re 2-0 and have outscored opponents 14-0.  They’re going.

To not make it, they’d have to lose by 8+ today.  it’s more likely to be the other way around.  Also, Jamaica would have to beat Cuba by 15+.  Given how awful Cuba’s team is (outscored 0-20 so far), that’s not an impossibility.

Costa Rica and Jamaica are tied on points in the table, but C.R. lead by eight on tie-breaking GD.  These two are ranked #34 and #5, respectively, by FIFA.   (Edinburgh, TX – 10:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Canadia   1-3

  1. Israel vs. Scotland – UEFA Nations Cup

UEFA’s newest league returns!   Noob is pressed for time at this hour, so Noobites will want to do a site search (or span the interwebs) for some details on this tournament, what and why it is.

These two are in League C of this event.  32 men’s national teams ranked above them are playing in A and B.  The three-team Group they’re assigned to within their League also features Albania.  They’re playing a double-round-robin.  The winner will get promoted to League B for next year, provided UEFA decides to continue with this event.

Scotland beat Albania 2-0 in their first and only match so far.  Israel lost to Albania 0-1.  FIFA ranks them #94 and #39, respectively.  In Europe they may be close-ish together ordinally, but that’s quite a gulf really.  Israel should consider it a moral victory if they can keep with a goal of the Scots.

RESULT:   Israel   2-1      Come from behind upset

Wednesday

  1. Trinidad and Tobago vs. U.S.A. – CONCACAF Women’s Championships / World Cup qualification

Teams are now heading into their last matches of this Group Stage.  The world #1-ranked U.S. women have already advanced to the Knockout Stage, outscoring their two opponents so far 11-0.  T&T carried the third-best FIFA-ranking (#52) in this group of four, but are already eliminated.  They’ve been outscored 7-1.

This match will not be competitive.  But that doesn’t mean it won’t be a treat to watch!   Catch the blowout in Cary, NC on FS1 at 7:30 PM EST tonight.

RESULT:   U.S.A.   0-7       Ms. Morgan and Rose Lavelle with two goals apiece

Image result for Alex Morgan drunkLadies, keep Alex Morgan from trying to catch a flight to Orlando to celebrate after.

(Kicked out of Disney World last year, drunk and screaming.)

 

(Google you up some particulars on this 2017 gem of a story at your convenience, Noobites.)

  1. Panama vs. Mexico – CONCACAF Women’s Championships / World Cup qualification

Now this one is a lot more meaningful.  Only the top two advance to the Knockout Stage, and these two are in the same Group as the teams above.

#66 Panama and #24 Mexico are knotted up at three points each.  Panama leads on goal differential by one teeny tiny goal.  If they draw tonight, Panama gets the surprise berth in the next Round.  Meanwhile, the Mexican women will wear the sad pants.  No World Cup.   (5:00 PM, FS2)

RESULT:    Panama   2-0       They’ll still have to win a match in two tries in the Knockout Round to earn a bid to World Cup.   But what a year for Panama!    First, their men’s team makes their first-ever WC, and now the ladies are on the doorstep.

Image result for wearing the sad pants

 

 

What does Noob mean by “the sad pants”?

Let’s address more important pants-questions first.

  1. Cruziero vs. Corinthians – Copa do Brazil

Brazil’s FA Cup has reached its Final!   This is the first match of a home and away two-legged tie for the title.  The winner automatically qualifies for next year’s Copa Libertadores (S. America’s version of Champions League).

This should be fiercely fought.  These are storied clubs, but neither is nearly high enough in their league table to qualify for CL without this title.  Both have struggled mightily to score all season, leaving them in 9th and 11th place, respectively.

Cruziero just fell to Argentinian Boca Juniors in the current CL, managing just one goal in the two matches.  And Juniors aren’t even playing that well in their own league this year.  Corinthians haven’t scored a goal since three outings ago.  It may be a defensive slog, but the action is available on Fox Soccer Plus at 8:45 PM.

RESULT:   Cruziero   1-0

Tuesday

  1. Louisville FC vs. North Carolina FC – United Soccer League

No MLS matches these three days, so we turn to the second division for our fix of American league action.  None of the matches over the Midweek feature playoff-slotted (top eight in conference) clubs.   So instead we have a Hiccup Watch.

Defending champs Louisville are currently #B in the East, which should be good for two home postseason matches.  They’ve scored 14 goals in their last four matches, of which three were on the road.

North Carolina are down in 10th.  But they should be plenty motivated – only two points behind 8th-place New York Red Bulls II.  And their GD is positive, even higher than Indy Eleven’s, and that club is in 4th!

So, we Track to see if Louisville can avoid having a Hiccup here, potentially falling behind Pittsburgh.

RESULT:   L’ville   2-1      Come-from-behind win for the favorites.  Cameron Lancater with two second half goals.

B.  Monterrey vs. Queretaro – Copa MX

Second-tier Juarez lost here in the Quarterfinals Round, so we’re down to all Liga MX clubs.   The winner of this last QF match will face 11th-in-the-league Pachuca in the Semis.

Monterrey and Queretaro are 6th and 8th-place in the league currently.  Given that only the top eight teams make the league’s postseason tournament, Noob is forced to wonder if Queretaro will partially or completely rest some starters.  League seems to always trump club in importance, anywhere you go.

On the other hand, Monterrey have been on a skid of late.  They’ve only won once in their last six matches across all competitions.   This could be a wild match and Noob dares not make any kind of prediction.

But guess who would?!   Resident prognosticator Noobstradamus has had a Vision.    Lay it on us unseeing mortals, oh, ancient one.

RESULT:   Monterrey   1-0        Guess it was the raw goat meat and cervezas after all, eh, Noobstradamus?

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

 

I am, indeed, older than dirt.   Thanks for the reminder.  But the setting of my Vision regarding this game was set in modern Monterrey. 

 

I was jamming with famous local alt-rock band Plastina Mosh, right on the Santa Lucia Riverwalk.  We were pounding out “los Oxidados” – the opening song from “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”.  I was on bongos, extending that instrumentation beyond the traditional intro and wailing away throughout!

Suddenly Jonás and the boys shifted into a slow, surprisingly sad, nameless norteño tune.  The bongos didn’t belong in this.  I shrugged my silent question of why at Alejandro.  A tear ran down his eye as he nodded towards the drum kit.  The bass drum now had painted on it “Queretaro 1-2”.

It was a powerful seeing, one I trust completely.  Except that I vaguely remember pounding Tecates the night before, and partaking in what was surely undercooked cabrito.   I often confuse food-related illness-born hallucinations  and Visions.  No one’s perfect.

OhhhhKAY.   While we try to ourselves divine what the fruit THAT was, please enjoy a musical interlude.  “Los Oxidados!”

  1. Switzerland vs. Belgium – UEFA Women’s World Cup qualification

The Group Stage is done and the winners of those seven pods of four have qualified for World Cup next year.  The top four second-place finishers from that round now start competing for one final berth.

So in these semifinal “Playoff Rounds”, the series will be two-legged ties, home and away.  Switzerland carried the higher FIFA ranking (#18), but they’re hosting this first leg.  Belgium aren’t far behind with a #23 ranking.  But given the lack of parity often seen in the women’s game, the Swiss should be considered a full-goal favorite today.

RESULT:   1-1       The two-legged tie ends 3-3.  Switzerlands advances on away-goals tiebreaker!

Wednesday and Thursday

coming soon!

 

’10 to Track’ for Saturday (8/18) – ten match previews for your ogling pleasure

The most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Our collective soccer education.  Noob’s unstable mind and left field-humor.   A combination almost as good as chocolate-almond-coconut ice  cream served by a Brazilian agriculture student.

Read on to have THAT explained.  Check back for results, too.  On matches, not the Brazilian girl.   And follow Noob on Twitter at SoccerNoobUSA.com.  Thanks.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer

As the regular season moves into its final third, it appears eight Western Conference teams are vying for the six postseason berths allotted them.  Just ten points separate the last of that group from first.

(Minnesota United fans, Noob looks forward to your emails of bile and vitriol.  Your club is trading away its talent now.  Management knows it’s over this year.  Embrace the pain.)

Portland are in 5th now, but not playing like they’ll stay there.  Two losses in a row to non-playoff bound competition don’t bode well.  Admittedly, that D.C. United team looks frisky this week, but were in last for a long time for a reason.  Reasons.

Kansas City have their groove back.  They’ve been in a brutal stretch of schedule, had lost three straight to fall to 4th.  Now, they’ve won back-to-back games against solid competition and have #1 Dallas in their sights, who dangle just three points ahead.

The key to recovering from their tailspin has been the back line.  Unsurprisingly, it has been spearheaded by MLS’ 2017 Defender of the Year award winner Ike Opara.   (8:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   KC   3-0

Image result for Ike Opara

 

Defense:  Top-notch

Ike’s head wear choice:

YOU make the call.

B.  Philadelphia Union vs. NYCFC – Major League Soccer

Things are shaping up a little differently in the East.  The top three seeds look secure, though in what order they’ll finish is up for grabs.  Columbus will be the #4 seed.  NYCFC and NY Red Bulls are tied for #B, just two in back of Atlanta.

The last two Playoff slots are down to four clubs realistically.  Here, we find Philly, tied for 5th.  They just bagged a big win over peer New England.  Since they’re hosting, Noob’s calling this match a tossup today.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Philly   2-0

Image result for B is for bag

 

 

 

And for “blue” and for “Noob” spelled backwards.

Tres chic, Number B.

  1. Portland Thorns vs. Chicago Red Stars – Nationals Women’s Soccer League

Three matches to go in the regular season.  Here’s what we know:  North Carolina kick butt.  What we think we know:  Seattle are going to get the #B seed.

Five teams remain alive for the other two Playoff spots.  Portland are in the driver’s seat for the coveted #3 seed.  Not having to play NC in the opening round is a big deal.  Chicago and Orlando are tied for 4th.

Portland have won four of five and Chicago haven’t lost in four consecutive outings.   Check out this humdinger on ESPNEWS at 10:30 PM.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Monterrey vs. UNAM Pumas – Liga MX

We’re essentially at the quarter mark for the Apertura (first half-season) already!   Noob loves just 17 matches.  Every single one is so important.  And so it’s time for Noob to stop using last season’s results as a crutch and look at what we really have in Mexico now.

Pumas went from 14th to 7th between the 2017-18 half-season tournaments.  And look at UNAM now!  1st place.  One of two clubs with no losses.  Tied for the best offense in the league.  They grow up so fast!  *sniffle*

in 5th, we find Monterrey.  They finished in 1st and 3rd last year in the two tournaments.  They’re matches have been low-scoring to start out this Apertura, a surprise.  This one’s at 10:06 PM on FS2 to see of Pumas can continue to hold the top spot.

RESULT:   Monterrey   1-0

Image result for that's a thing?

 

 

Yes, Fox Sports 2 is a real channel.

We’re not to “The Ocho” yet, but all in good time.

  1. Chelsea vs. Arsenal – English Premier

Early here in the EPL season we get a matchup between last year’s two best teams that were disappointments.  At 5th and 6th place, they just missed out on Champions League berths.

The stories about these teams that will get you through Level One water cooler-chat:

Both teams have new coaches.  Chelsea expectedly won their first game while Arsenal lost to the defending champs to start this season.  And Chelsea star Eden Hazard should join the starting lineup now.  He’s gotten some rest after his run with his World Cup team in Belgium.  (12:30 PM, NBC)

RESULT:   Chelsea   3-2      Chelsea squandered a 2-0 early lead before closing this one out late.

  1. Lazio vs. Napoli – Serie A

Nearly all the talk this European off-season has been about Cristiano Ronaldo moving from Real Madrid to Juventus.  But don’t miss this match.

Napoli gave Juve everything they could handle in last season’s title race.  And Lazio – who are really fun to watch with the ball in the opponent’s third – finished 5th, losing out on a Champions League berth by tiebreaker.

RESULT:   Napoli   1-2

Image result for lazio funny

 

 

 

Plastic bottle-gladiator guy on the Lazio Plaza.

Hopefully he’s selling those to hot, thirsty footyball fans.

  1. Difaa al Jadida vs. MC Alger – CAF Champions League

And speaking of CL, let’s head to Africa’s.  A reminder of where we are:  Group Stage.  Four pods of four clubs each play double-round robins.  Top two from each will advance to the Knockout Stage.  Most everyone is four matches into their six.

In Group B, Congolese club TP Mazembe has already earned 1st place.  MC Alger is one of two Algerian clubs vying for runner-up, and they lead ES Setif by just a point.

DaJ aren’t out of it entirely, but have to earn more than draws to have any shot.  They’re actually the slightly more accomplished team internationally.  Between that, home pitch advantage, and plain old desperation, Noob looks for El Jadida to nab the W today.

RESULT:   El Jadida   2-0

  1. Royal Pari vs. The Strongest – Bolivia Premier

Welcome to the Track, Royal Pari!  Congrats on getting Promoted to Premier after last season.

In the Apertura, they finished in the bottom half of their division, if just.  Not bad for newbs.  And now in the Clausura – when the league plays all one division – (Bolivia is strange that way), they’re #B and have no losses!  Muy bueno.  But now, the real test.  The Strongest are 6-0-0.

These are the two highest goal-scoring offenses in the league.   To catch it, though, Noobites will likely have to try Googling up some internet streamage.  Maybe even pirated.  Yaaarrrgh.

RESULT:   R.P.   1-0

Image result for pirates computers

 

 

 

Yup.  Went there.

  1. Corinthians vs. Gremio – Brazil Serie A

#7 versus #4.  Two teams that will probably move up the table before all is said and done.   (6:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

Noob recently took his daughter and a neighbor kid out for a day, and that included a downtown ice cream shop near the local University.  The new girl working the counter was Brazilian.  Wonderful!  Buuhhht turns out she doesn’t care for football.  The footyball gods taunt Noob.

Noob learned a few interesting things though:

—  “Corinthians” might be pronounced with more of almost a “ch” than a “th” in Brazil.   Or our server might’ve had a speech impediment.  Noob didn’t ask.  Never mess with people handling your food.

—  The neighbor kid I had in tow told me I have a new girlfriend now, since I chatted her up so much.

Look, child.  Noob’s married and old enough to chat up an attractive, exotic, visiting postgrad intern without any nefarious intentions. What’s more, I— I— Oh my.  It’s true.   I am now my father.

—  One not need add much of any coconut to chocolate-almond to get the appropriate flavor effect.  Well-done, ice cream peoples.

RESULT:   Gremio   0-1

10.  FC Cincinatti vs. Charleston Battery – United Soccer League

Noob bookends today’s Track by bringing our gaze back stateside, to the second division.  Since the top eight in each conference will make the Playoffs, these are in excellent shape.  Cinci – who will be joining MLS next year – lead the East by five.  Charleston is tied with Pittsburgh Riverhounds for #B.

Charleston haven’t lost a league match since June 6.  And that’s as long as Cinci’s gone!  Primo matchup.  Noob wishes DII would get on the t00b.  Maybe the matches are carried locally and can be found on the interwebs.

RESULT:   Cinci   3-0

Image result for Cincinnati weird

 

 

 

So long from The Mushroom House,  Hyde Park, Cinci!

’10 to Track’ midweek Edition soccer matches – US Open Cup Semis lead the way

The ten most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

As the big Euro leagues start to roust themselves, it’s getting harder to justify a single Midweek Edition Track!  Soon, there will be re-expansion.

For now, Noob remains efficient.  Match previews are now posted through Wednesday.

Twitter:  @SoccerNoobUSA

Tuesday

  1. Dorados de Sinaloa vs. CF America – Copa MX

Welcome back to the Apertura (first half-season) Mexican FA Cup.   We’re still in the Group Stage – nine pods of three teams playing a single-round robin, with winners and the seven best runners-up advancing.

Veracruz lost both of their matches so far, so one of these two will win the Group.  Cups tournaments, for Noob, are all about looking for Minnow until their late stages.  Sinaloa is our underdog del dia.  They finished #B in their Clausura in the Ascenso MX (second tier) last season.

CF America is really good, so los Dorados will need all the home pitch advantage they can squeeze out of today.   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   0-0      With a match to go, these two have now both clinched at least runner-up status in the Group.  Still, two of the runners-up in this stage will not advance, so all still bears watching.

B.  Chelsea vs. Lyon – International Champions Cup

Most teams that aren’t already done are playing their third and final matches of this event.  That is the case for these two.  It’s just glorified friendlies, so the results don’t matter really, but these two are tied for 10th.  This is a home match for Chelsea, which is weird for this event.

Soon, their leagues will begin, so maybe the club will actually start their real lineups.   (3:00 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-0  /  5-4  pk

Image result for letter B sunglasses

 

 

Number B, already keepin’ it real.

Charming the ladies.  Unlike that poser Number Two.

 

Wednesday

  1. Houston Dynamo vs. LAFC – U.S. Open Cup

It’s the Semifinals of America’s FA Cup today!  This is a knockout format, so no return leg to Los Angeles.

Both teams have been on skids in MLS.  Houston has lost three in a row, sunk all the way to 10th place in the West.  Since they’re almost certainly not Playoff-bound, perhaps this means they’ll be super focused on chasing this trophy.  Not every team is necessarily.

That brings us to LAFC, who are also winless in their last three.  They’re in 4th out West, seem very much in line for a postseason berth.  That’s hardly guaranteed, but they are also shooting for a top two-seed, good for one or more home pitch Playoff games.

LAFC seems more likely to sprinkle in more reserves and/or subs today.  between that and the GD between these two not being too far apart – despite the difference in table position – and Noob finds himself believing in Houston.  Not that Noob would ever, ever root for a city built on a swamp.  Down with bad urban planning!  (Don’t judge me poorly.  That cause is JUST.)

RESULT:   Houston   3-3  /  7-6  pk       Diego Rossi had all three goals for LAFC in the loss.

  1. Utah Royals vs. Washington Spirit – National Women’s Soccer League

This isn’t likely a match with playoff implications, but expansion Utah isn’t totally out of that picture.  The top four will advance.  Utah is in 6th, and got a surprising point two matches ago against might NC Courage.  They followed that up with a solid road win at so-so Houston.

Washington has lost six straight and sit in second-to-last.  They’re so bad, Noob wonders if they would even beat MLS’ D.C. United…

OK, that was mean.  But was it unfair?

RESULT:   Utah   1-0

Image result for that was mean

 

You’re no Richard Dawson!!  

Get off Noob’s back, Harvey.

  1. UNAL Tigres vs. Tapachula – Copa MX

The Group Stage rolls onward!  Nine pods of three.  Double round robin format.  All winners and seven runners-up will advance.

Tapachula are one of the two Ascenso MX clubs in Group 9.  We Tracked them once already this stage, so we’re going to have some fun continuing to follow them. They got a draw in their first match with San Luis.  They’ve been on a great roll, having won the 2017-18 Clausura Ligulla.

UNAL needs to show why they’re a Liga MX team today, after dropping their first match to San Luis.

RESULT:   0-0     

  1. Celtic vs. AEK Athens – UEFA Champions League

This is the Third Qualifying Round.  After this, there is a Playoff Round to determine final entrants into the Group Stage, where the big boys of Europe enter the tournament.

This round is where Athens enters as the Greek Super League (15-ranked) champs.  Celtic, out of Scotland’s league (ranked #26) entered two rounds ago, has so far clobbered Armenian and Norwegian teams.

Despite the difference in league ranking, Celtic is the more accomplished team internationally in recent years, should be favored by a goal at home.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for AEK supporters riot

 

 

But are you ready for the standard Greek fans, Scotland?

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Toronto FC – Canadiaian Championship

This is just a four-team affair between Canadia’s three MLS teams and the USL’s Ottawa Fury.  The winner gets Canadia’s berth into the CONCACAF Champions League though.  As the country’s soccer federation soon has it’s own broader league (though without the MLS teams), Noob wonder’s if this Championship will field a lot more clubs in the coming years.

Vancouver is 7th place in MLS’ Western Conference, fighting for a top six regular season finish and Playoff berth.  Will they play all starters here?  Toronto are 9th in the east.  As they made the Final of the last CONCACAF CL and are less likely to get an MLS playoff berth, perhaps the will be more inclined to throw total effort into this affair.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Independiente – Sugura Bank Championship

This is a strange annual match.  It’s always in Japan, so Noob assumes sponsor Sugura Bank just pays both teams a pile of yen to show up for a glorified friendly.

This pits the J.League Cup winner – not the J.League regular season champ – from last year against the defending Copa Sudamericana (South America’s answer to Europa League) titleholder.

To give some idea of the relative strengths of the clubs, know that C.Osaka would be among the very favorites to win MLS if they played here.  And Argentina’s Independiente would probably beat them about 2/3 of the time on neutral pitches.

RESULT:   Independiente   0-1

Image result for scrooge mcduck pile of money gif

 

 

Winners get to go to the bank CEO’s house, go full Scrooge McDuck dive into a bottomless pit of yen.

  1. Home United vs. Ceres-Negros FC – AFC Cup

This is Asia’s secondary Cup tournament for clubs, though not really analogous to Europa League or Copa Sudamericana.  Clubs participating in this qualify out of countries identified by the AFC as soccer “developing” and “emerging” soccer nations.   Google up the criteria specifics if you are so inclined Noobites.  We streamline things here.

There are five geographically-based “zones” out of which clubs will advance to Inter-Zonal Finals and then final Finals.  This match is the second leg of the ASEAN (southeast Asia) Zonal Final.  They drew the first match.

Home United qualified by finishing 3rd in Singapore’s top league, which is ranked just above average in Asia.  This would not be high enough, but the champs are a Japanese club satellite team, and so ineligible for international competition.  The #B team got into AFC Champions League.

Ceres-Negros are from the Philippines, the runaway winners of their slightly better top-flite league.  It is ranked #17 in Asia.  They actually played in the pre-Group Stage of the AFC CL, but didn’t make the Group Stage, so they can still play in this one.  That’s nice.

RESULT:   Home   2-0

Thursday

  1. Cerro Porteño vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

The Round of 16 in South America’s version of Champions League is here.  This is the first match of the two-legged tie for these two.

Palmeiras qualified for the CL by finishing runner up in Brazil’s Serie A last year.  They went undefeated in the Group Stage to get to this Round, with an average match result of a two-goal victory per.

Paraguay’s top entrant finished #B in their Group, even goal differential.  They’re good.  But even at home, their only maybe an even match for their guests today.  The winner will take on either Chile’s Colo-Colo or Corinthians from Brazil – a traditional behemoth either way.

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

Image result for General Pablo Rojas Stadium

 

 

So long from La Olla Nueva, Asuncion, Paraguay!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (5/13) – led by MLS double-feature!

The ten most important soccer matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow.   For all the rampant caaamedy, there’s actual football nougat inside this candy bar!   Come, savor it, Noobites.

  1. Orlando City vs. Atlanta United – MLS

The Management and Noob shake our collective fist at you, Orlando City!   Constructing a city on a swamp is the worst idea ever, but footyball facts are undeniable.  The #3 team in the East is en fuego.  They’ve won six consecutive matches, including an impressive 4-3 win over New York Red Bulls.

Can Atlanta rekindle their fire after a road loss to Western #1 Sporting Kansas City?  Probably!  They’re #1 for a reason.

Noobstradamus Sees:   MLS #1-ranked (tied with Tim Howard, COL) Brad Guzan standing on his head today and shutting down The Orlando City Lions Bad Urban Planners.   ATL 0-2.

RESULT:   ATL   1-2.   Any man alive were Orlando fans upset at the end of that one.  Throwing bottles all over the field.  Stay classy, central Florida.

Image result for bad urban planning funny

 

 

 

Orlando, FL Urban Planning Office

B.  LAFC vs. NYCFC – MLS

The Alphabet Soup Derby – could it catch on as a moniker?  Noobites, let’s get this silliness done.  Today, it’s a battle of #B’s, too.  They’re both second place in their respective divisions.

LAFC has been so impressive for a first-year expansion club.  Uruguayan national Diego Rossi is their big goal-scorer to have an eye on.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that the early season crown of being #1 lay too heavy on the heads of NYCFC.  They’ve lost two of three, including an 0-4 curbstomping by NY Red Bulls.  Momentum.  LAFC 1-0.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for letter B swarm

 

 

No need to fear Number B’s.

Unless you like Number Two.

Then you shall feel the stinging wrath!

3.  Toluca vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

Tijuana mildly surprised by winning the first leg of this postseason Liguilla semifinal, 2-1.  Going to ten-time champions Toluca’s house today is another matter entirely though.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …the defensive battle I thought the first leg would be.  Toluca 1-0, with a goal just before the half.

RESULT:   Toluca   4-1   They advance!

  1. Newcastle United vs. Chelsea – English Premier

Chelsea really screwed the pooch last match, drawing lowly Hudderfield come to their stadium and achieve a draw.  Now they’re two points behind Liverpool for 4th and the league’s final Champions League berth.  To be fair, they’d been on a five-win tear right before that.

Newcastle seem to have thrown in the towel on the season two weeks ago, losing four straight.  But all Liverpool need to hang on to 4th is a draw at home against the Brighton & Hove Albion Nobodies.  (Nickname verified.)

(The Management here:  Nickname verified as false, asshat.)

Noobstadamus Sees:  Trouble brewing at the office between me and The Management.  Let’s rumble!

RESULT:   Newcastle   3-0     And The Management and Noob ended up doing a test run of a movie review podcast, so all is well.

Image result for fighting with management funny

 

 

 

Quarter neither asked nor given, The Management!!

  1. Maritimo vs. Sporting CP – Primeira Liga

Things are looking grim, if not impossible, for Sporting CP and their CL aspirations.  Portugal’s league gets two berths.  They’re tied for #B, but down insurmountably on goal differential.  And today they get a reasonably tough test on the road at #7 Maritimo.  Far worse, Benfica (fellow #B) have a gimme against low-run Moirirense at home.

Noobstrdamus Sees:  …Europa League in Sporting’s future, even with a 1-2 win today.

RESULT:   Maritimo   2-1    So it’s Europa League for Sporting CP

  1. Standard Liege vs. Club Brugge – Belgium First Division A

This has become won of the best title races in Europe!

Standard Liege just took down Anderlecht, now get their shot at the #1 club.  But they trail by four points in the table, and there’s just one league match to be played after this.  This is must-win for SL regarding title hopes.  Of more concern might be that they’re only ahead of Anderlecht by a point for the second and only other CL invite.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …that Standard Liege has been unbeatable since the league split into championship and relegation subdivisions.  They ratchet up the high drama with a 4-2 win today!

RESULT:   1-1     And so, congrats to Club Brugge, your 2017-18 league champion!

Image result for stoner drama funny

 

 

There may be confusion about “high drama”.

  1. Nurnburg vs. Fortuna Dusseldorf – 2. Bundeliga

For the league title!  So what if it’s second-tier.  This still may well be one of the top-half quality leagues in Europe.

These two are tied and this is the last match of the season.  Someone in charge of scheduling knew what they were doing a year ago!  Nurnburg lead on GD, so FD has to have the win to get the hardware.   But they’re both Promoted to Bundesliga next year, so they’’ll probably go out drinking together afterwards no matter what happens.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …hangovers for everyone!

RESULT:   Dusseldorf   2-3    The game-winner at 90′!   Kudos, champions.

  1. Motagua vs. Marathon – Honduras National League

The Final!  Leg one anyway.  They were #B and #1 in the Clausura (second-half) regular season, deservedly made it through the postseason bracket to duke it out here.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that, once again, defense travels!  0-1 Marathon.  They’ve the best in the country.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for honduran military funny

 

Honduran defense confused by clown.

It doesn’t HAVE to make sense.  This is Noob.

  1. Saprissa vs. Alajuense – Costa Rica Premier

It’s the last game of the season, and these two are tied in the “Quadrangular”.  The top four from the Clausura regular season have been playing a double round robin.  Saprissa leads on GD, so Alajuense must win on the road to net the title.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Saprissa taking the title, 2-0.   Saprissa are one of North America’s sneaky-best clubs.

RESULT:   1-1  

  1. Corinthians vs. Palmeiras – Brazil Serie A

They’re only a few matches into the season in Brazil, so Noob features last seasons #1 and #B titans facing off!

RESULT:   Corinthians   1-0

Bonus matches:   #1 and league champ Celtic are hosting #B Aberdeen in Scotland.  Also, I’ll offer The Management an olive branch after the earlier rumbling and mention that #2 FC Tokyo is hosting #3 Consadole Sapporo in J1 League.  Happy?

Image result for sao paulo odd

 

 

 

So long from Sao Paulo!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Wednesday, 8/27 – FA Cups, throwing shade at SheBelieves, and Evil Flower-Elmo…

The ten most important soccer matches for the newish American soccer fan to follow.  T2T are the spine of this project.  Noob hopes it is helpful and fun.

Tenured soccer fans, come on in and stay a while!  There;’s always a little to learn for everyone.

And the comedy attempt-aspect is NOT weird, confusing, or inappropriate.  Not ever.  *bonnnngggg*

  1. FC Dallas vs. Tauro – CONCACAF Champions League

The First Round continues.  Panamanian Tauro took down Dallas 1-0 in the first leg.  To advance, Dallas has to not only win, but they must win by at least two goals is Tauro gets one (tiebreaker rule – away goals).

Dallas is better on paper, looks like the favorite.  But it’s important to remember that the non-Amuricuhn clubs have been playing their league seasons for some time.  U.S. teams start their league this weekend, aren’t nearly as in form yet.

RESULT:   Dallas   3-2     But Tauro advances!  Aggregate ends 3-3, the Panamanians advancing on away-goal tiebreaker.

Image result for FC Dallas supporters

 

One stripper for the young Dallas supporter, one for the bull.

Noob’s terrified on multiple fronts..

B.  Guadalajara vs. Cibao – CONCACAF Champions League

The Mexican side won the away leg of this tie 0-2.  Now they get to finish off Ciabo from the Dominican Republic at home.    (8:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Guadalajara   5-0

Image result for dominican letter B

 

 

 

Cardi B (and her Dominican dad) are thrilled this match is Number B.

  1. CF America vs. Saprissa – CONCACAF Champions League

Noob has often thought Costa Rica’s Saprissa was one of the sneaky-best clubs in the federation.  Well, they got not-so-sneaky clobbered 1-5 in the first leg of this fiasco.  CFA may win today 2-0 just by accident.    (10:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1      CFA advances on aggregate.

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Rochdale – English FA Cup

The Fifth Round Proper has another Replay to do.  Third-tier Rochdale had a stunning finish to equalize in the first go-‘round between these two.  Their reward will seemingly be to get thrashed at Wembley, but at least they get to split the gate!  Noob fervently wishes for the upset, of course.    (2:45 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Hotspur   6-1      This was actually a match at halftime, 1-1.

Image result for death of harry hotspur

 

 

Die 1000 more times, traitorous Harry “Hotspur” Percy!

  1. Alebrijes Oaxaca vs. Puebla – Copa MX

This is the last game of the Group Stage for these two.  Second-division Oaxaca lead by a point.  Puebla is in second.  Most second-place teams from these Groups of three will advance.  But the worst-performing two of the nine will not, and right now Liga MX side Puebla are among those two.

Oaxaca would be fine with a draw.  Puebla has to win.  It will be entertaining to see which club can control the pace.

RESULT:   1-1     So Oaxaca advances, and Puebla -as the worst-finishing second place Group finisher – is out.

  1. Japan vs. Netherlands – Algarve Cup

Previously, this has been the premier invitational women’s tournament in the world.  The SheBelieves Cup has taken some of its luster, however, by siphoning off four of the very best national teams.

Noob is not pleased with this development over the last three years.  Algarve is a lovely region of Portugal, and tradition is wonderful.

Still, 12 teams play in Portugal, divided into Groups of four to start.  These two are ranked 9th and 7th by FIFA.

RESULT:   Netherlands   2-6      So much for Noob having tried to pick a competitive match from this event to feature

Image result for shebelieves cup 2018

 

Noob Believes She not believing in a space between two words makes She looks silly.

  1. Lazio vs. AC Milan – Coppa Italia

Lazio kept things scoreless in the first leg of this Semifinal tie.  Milan now has their work cut out for them for their road trip.  That said, if they can score an away-goal today, then Lazio has to get at least two to advance.

These two are 4th and 7th place in Serie A, respectively.    (2:45 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   AC Milan   1-1  /  4-5   pk

  1. Millonarios vs. Corinthians – Copa Libertadores

This is the first Group Stage match for these two.  Here, clubs are divided into Groups of four each.  The top two finishers in each advance, while the 3rd-place sides will get dropped down to Copa Sudamericana (South America’s version of Europa League).

Millonarios are the second-highest qualifying team from Colombia.  Corinthians are sort of the #1 qualifier from Brazil.  (Defending champions Gremio are from Brazil, go in automatically.)

Noobstradamus attests that home field advantage will be enough today, Millonarios will net a 2-1 last-minute, thrilling victory!

RESULT:   0-0      A thrilling prognostication failure…

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

I also Believe a serious backlash is coming for ripping on SheBelieves.

Goodness.  That name does look stupid.

  1. Chambly vs. Strasbourg – Coupe de France

Minnow Alert!   Chambly may be stinking up Championnat National (third-tier) joint and be about to get Relegated, but they’ve made a surprise run to the Quarterfinal in this FA Cup.

Strasbourg are having a poor, forgettable year in Ligue 1, but they’re still Ligue 1 and so should whomp this team in their own house.    (12:30 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Chambly   1-0     Minnow success!

  1. Aves vs. Caldas – Taca de Portugal

Noob finds this arrangement strange.  Usually the higher-ranking team gets to host the second leg of a tie.  But for this Semifinal, Primeira Liga Aves hosts first.

Aves was promoted to Portugal’s top flight just this year.  They’re the best of the worst this season, on top of a tight group of clubs in the bottom of the table.  Caldas are a third-division team, sitting in the middle of one of the Campeonato subdivisions.

RESULT:   Aves   1-0

Image result for floral arrangement funny

 

 

Speaking of strange arrangements…