’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (11/27-29) soccer match previews – MLS Semis end the MWE!

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game” – hit their peak of importance today. MLS Semifinals! After tonight, we’ll know who’s playing for the big trophy.

Tuesday and Wednesday’s match results follow below. Remember you can always check back for results on every single day, plus often a note or two about who starred, or how the results affected what was at stake.

Thursday

9. Sporting Kansas City vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer

Second leg of the Western Conference Finals! While any team would of course like to get a road win every time, #1 KC got the draw in Portland in the first match of this two-game series. Now they have the chance to take care of business at home.

But that scoreless draw has to be troubling for them. Goalkeeper Tim Melia of USMNT fame played well and Graham Zusi was a monster on the back defensive line. But Noob highlighted Daniel Salloi for that first match and instead of starring, he was the weak link, losing duels and not being terribly good with passes.

The 5th-seed Portland was better on passing, held the ball longer, and created more shots on goal. That didn’t and won’t matter if they can’t get better play from striker Jeremy Ebobisse though.

Ultimately, it’s hard to beat home cookin’. KC did what was necessary, if just, and should be a moderate to heavy favorite at home.   (9:30 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   Portland    2-3           Diego Valeri with two Timbers goals, including the game winner at 90′

10. New York Red Bulls vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

Some are calling the Eastern Conference finals the de facto league finals. Both teams had several more point in the the table than K.C.

#B Atlanta laid the smack down at their place in the first leg of this overall Semi, 3-0. Franco Escobar was the slightly-surprisng star with both a goal and an assist. This club has the best offense in the entire league. It will be interesting to see if they keep dancing with the girl that brought them and continue attacking, or try to take the air out of the ball with such a big lead from the first leg.

NYRB have a HYOOJ hole to dig themselves out of. Lots of goals will certainly mean the involvement of BrandonWright-Phillips, who looked like an MVP the first half of the MLS season. Not that he tanked after that, but his effectiveness definitely diminished. But if the right side of Red Bulls’ back line get manhandled again (Tim Parker, Michael Murillo), BWP’s possible resurgence won’t matter.   (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   NYRB   1-0         But it’s not enough!    ATL will host the single-match Final versus Portland.

Image result for the world of red bull funnySo long from…wherever the Red Bull box cart races were held.

Yeeeah.  Wow.

 

Extra Credit: Two Liga MX qf’s, a couple dozen group stage Europa league matches, Copa Sudamericana sf, El Salvador and Guatemala qf’s, second round Arab Club Championship

Wednesday

3. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Inter Milan – UEFA Champions League

You can scroll down to the Tuesday portion of the Midweek Track for a few extra details on the event, should you be a completely unseasoned Noobite.

Noob-reviled Hotspur is nearly out of Champions League, as is good, right and appropriate. When your club is named for an historic traitor (Harry Percy), good things cannot follow.

The scourge of England’s Premier League, Hotspur trail Inter by three points in the table and won the first match between them (tiebreaker). Since Hotspur’s remaining match other than this one is at #1 Barcelona, they’re in desperate need of a win today.

Hotspur are winners of five straight across all competitions. Inter are in just 5th in Italy’s Serie A. Where Hotspur lack a little offensive punch compared to many other top teams, Inter have been sagging on defense. Bad matchup for the visitors, sadly.   (3:00 PM Eastern, TNT)

RESULT:   Hotspur   1-0

Image result for sir topham hatt furious

 

 

Sir Topham Hatt — flexing the pimp hand.  Gotta keep it strong for those Hotspur COYS.

 

4. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League

This is the most competitive Group going here. Liverpool and Napoli are tied for first. PSG are just a point behind and Red Star Belgrade only a point behind them in turn.

PSG are running roughshod over Ligue 1 – no losses or draws. Yet many people Noob reads suggest the league is not very good this year. Liverpool have yet to lose in Champions League, putting them in second place there. Neither team allow goals.

Both teams are stronger than the ones in Track Match three here. If either doesn’t qualify for the Knockout Round, that’s big news.   (3:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   PSG   2-1

5. Porto vs. Schalke – UEFA Champions League

Three matches from one event? Thought you were filtering event like these, Noob.

Oh, but I am. But I won’t ignore important ones this late in the Group Stage just for the sake of it. Porto is Portugal’s #1 team. That doesn’t make them one of the very strongest clubs remaining, but they won’t be a pushover for anyone next round. They’re dominating the Primeira Liga and can score and defend amazingly.

Germany’s Schalke trail Porto by two in the Group C table. An upset win today would guarantee them a berth in the Knockout Round. And it would be a remarkable upset at that. In the Bundesliga, they’re playing so darn badly that they’re fighting just to stay out of the Relegation Zone.

They don’t defend half badly, but they didn’t wow on offense last year and don’t score much at all now. Still, they lead the Group 3rd-place team by four, seem likely to sneak out of the Group Stage no matter how today goes.

RESULT:   Porto   3-1

Image result for schalke 04 funny

 

 

 

Is that the German Mr. Magoo?

 

6. Monterrey vs. Santos – Liga MX

Let the playoffs begin! This is the Liguilla. The eight best teams from the Apertura (first half-season) qualified. This is a bracketed tournament. Each pair of teams will play two-legged, home-and-away series.

It is seeded just like the NCAA basketball tourney would be, and this is your 4/5 matchup. Santos has been a shade better on both sides of the ball. More, they haven’t lost to Monterrey in their last three matches. But Monterrey haven’t lost in three matches, while Santos didn’t win in any of their last three.   (10:06 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Monterrey    1-0

7. Saprissa vs. Herediano – Costa Rica Premier

This is CONCACAF’s third-strongest league. They might argue they’re better than MLS. Mexicans might argue their second division league is better. Regardless, this is a sneaky-good football league.

And the Playoffs are already underway! The top four qualified for this postseason tournament. Apertura regular season champs Saprissa host this second match of the home-and-away Semifinal series. Herediano – the other perennial power here – finished 4th, won the first leg 1-0 at their place.

Saprissa was better on both sides of the ball all Apertura, but particularly so on offense. That one-goal deficit should be one they can overcome today, move on to the Final.

RESULT:   Saprissa   1-0       …which means the series was tied and they moved on to penalty kicks!    Herediano advances to the final on those, 2-4

Image result for costa rica premier logo

 

 

One foot-sport, one heart.  

But the logo’s more than a little puffy-nipply.   No.

8. Portmore United vs. Tivoli Gardens – Jamaica Premier

This, too, is one of CONCACAF’s stronger domestic leagues – almost certainly the best of the island nations in our federation. Hallooo, neighbors! Noob’s making a concerted effort to get to know ya. May I borrow a cup of sugar?

The top six finishers here will make the Playoffs, with the top two getting byes into the Semifinals. They’re a dozen matches into the season, and rhese two are #1 and #3. This is a classic best offense versus best defense scenario. An upset win wouldn’t move Gardens into 1st, but would tighten up an already good-looking race.

RESULT:   Portmore   2-0

Extra Credit:   the other UEFA Champions League matches, Costa Rican semifinal, Liga MX qf; 

Also, Spain’s Copa del Rey round of 32 match, Copa Argentina sf, Copa Sudamericana sf, Czech Cup Round of 16, Guatemala National League sf

Also, #1 Shkendija vs. #3 Academy Pandev in Macedonai’s Prva Liga, Russian FA Cup qf, very early round CAF Champions League, #3 Brittania vs. #2 Nacional in Aruba’s Division di Honor, second round Arab Club Championship

Tuesday

1. Lyon vs. Manchester City – UEFA Champions League

But make no mistake, I’m glad it’s back, baybeeeeee! A quick reminder for the newest Noobites what the it is:. League champions and other top teams of Europe in the crown jewel of all club tournaments. They’re currently in the Group Stage. Pods of four playing double round robins. Top two finishers from each will advance to the Knockout (single elimination, bracket-style) Stage. Everybody’s got two matches to go.

Man City is thought by many to be the #1 team in the world currently. They’re undefeated in Premier League play, lead Lyon by three point in the Group F table. But they’ve lost one match.

To Lyon. At Man City! The French team is a distant #B to undefeated Paris Saint-Germain in Ligue 1 there, but #B nonetheless. They haven’t lost to anyone, anywhere, besides PSG since August. Yet strangely, that win over Man City is their only win in Group F. All their other matches have ended in draws.

So what’s at stake? Noob’s laser-focused of late on stakes, letting you know why any given match is important. Man City are almost 100% to advance to the Knockout Round now, and any result (win or draw) will seal that deal.

A win for Lyon would do the same. Anything else, and the door is very much open for the other two Group F clubs, trailing by three and four points, respectively. So yes, remaining undefeated with a draw would leave the, in jeopardy yet. What a tournament.

Oh, and based on ELO ratings (thank you, footballdatabase.com), Noob thinks Man City will win easily, 1-2 goal margin, in France.

RESULT:   2-2         Maxwell Cornet with a goal and an assist for Lyon as they blew two leads.  

B. AS Roma vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

Noob is often reluctant to feature multiple matches from the same league or tournament on a given day. I wish to act as filter for we newish fans, allow us to focus on the most important things, yet with a broad gaze. Eight matches today for UEFA CL. We can do two.

It’s an easy decision when the three-time defending champions are in the mix, too. Real and Roma are tied for the Group G lead. The next team down is five points behind. Look, these two are going through to the Knockout Stage no matter how the match ends today. But finishing 1st or runner-up matters for seeding in the next Round, so this match is still monster.

Defending champs or not, this isn’t the same Real team of recent years. Losing the greatest active player in the world – Cristiano Ronaldo – will have that effect. They’re in just 5th place in La Liga and just suffered a blistering 3-0 loss to Eibar. If you don’t know that name, that’s the point. And their newfound issues are on both sides of the ball.

Yet after a 3rd place Italian Serie A finish last year, Roma have slipped as many places as Real – down to 7th at present. They’d appeared to have the righted their ship to some degree of late, but than lost to Udinese last time out. Once again, if you don’t know that club, that’s the point.

Real’s crash back to earth this year has been the steeper fall. Still, Noob wouldn’t put Roma at any better than an even match for them at home.

RESULT:   Real   0-2

New feature! EXTRA CREDIT will appear with some frequency now – these are events, matches Noob scouted for a given date but that didn’t make the cut for the Track.

Extra Credit: Early round-Coupe de France, Scotland’s FA Cup, very early round 2018-19 CAF Champions League, later round EFL Cup (tournament of tertiary importance in England), and Semifinals of Africa’s women’s Cup of Nations – all are in action.

ALSO! Congrats to Guadalajara, UANL, America and Pachuca of Liga MX Femenil. They all just qualified for the Semifinals of the Apertura (first half-season) there.

Noob’s trying to learn women’s and more CONCACAF soccer in general, but the site I use (for the moment) screws up dates something fierce. I’d scouted the Quarterfinals I thought were today, but they’re in the books already. Part of the learning for Noob is finding the best resources.

 

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/18) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads us once again

European International break doesn’t stop the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game!   Can’t even slow this train down.

1. England vs. Croatia – UEFA Nations League

Here’s the link to my brief Explainer on what this event is:

http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

This is the last match to be played in this League A group of three. Spain is done, two points up on both these teams. So if either wins, that team goes to the Playoffs. If the match ends in a draw, Spain advances.

FIFA-ranked #5 England surely had no trouble with the USMNT in their recent friendly. They haven’t lost in their last four matches overall, between this event and friendlies. And the offense has picked up, with six goals in their last two matches.

#4 Croatia will be a stern test. They struggled after losing to France in the World Cup final. But a friendly win over Jordan and 3-2 win over Spain in this tournament seem to indicate they’re back in form.

Key players to watch today will be Raheem Sterling for England (two goals in the Spain match) and Tin Jedvaj for Croatia (two goals in their Spain match).   (9:00 AM EST, ESPN2)

B. Switzerland vs. Belgium – UEFA Nations League

This is another League A match. Different Group, of course. #1-ranked Belgium – who haven’t lost in six straight – lead the Swiss by three heading into this last match. But they’re tied on goal differential, so win of any margin for #8-Switzerland puts them in the Playoffs on the GD tiebreaker.

While it can be easy to overvalue friendlies, a home 0-1 loss to Qatar in their last outing isn’t promising for Switzerland. They haven’t beaten anyone but Group-last place Iceland (twice) since June.   (2:45 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Switzerland 5-2         Playoff time for the Swiss

Image result for icelandic letter B

buRES

 

Two letter A’s in the Icelandic alphabet.  Fine.

But there’s only one Number B.

3. Guinea vs. Ivory Coast – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

The ACN is next year, Africa’s top tournament for men’s national teams. Groups of four are competing in this current event, with the top two finishers in each getting in.

Two matches to go in Group H. Guinea lead Ivory Coast by three in the table. Between the two of them, they haven’t lost in ten matches overall. They’re ranked #65 and #64 in the world, respectively.   (12:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   1-1

4. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lyon – France Division 1

This is the French women’s top flite. Lyon is the major power in all Europe, has been for years. They’re undefeated again, have outscored opponents 37-1.

Today represents their toughest test of the year. PSG are also undefeated, though someone got a draw on them. Their GD is 24-3. Noob thinks they can keep this within a goal, but no better.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for angry French women

 

Never doubt that the women of France aren’t tough tough tough.

5. SS Jeanne d’Arc vs. Besancon Football – Coupe de France

Like yesterday, we’re catching another early (7th-) round match of the French FA Cup in order to spy on a CONCACAF team.

Noob’s not sure how Reunion qualifies its two teams into this event. JdA only finished 5th in last year’s Reunion Premier. Neither did they win the territory’s own Cup tournament. They’re #B in this year’s league season, which is nearly done. They still don’t score much, but the defense has been much improved.

Besancon play in Championnat National 3, France’s fifth-tier league. This league has many regional divisions (groups). They play in Bourgogne-Franche-Comté (Group E). They’re in 5th place in their league season. They don’t score much, either. Noob’s not got the experience to handicap a match like this, but doens’t look like it’s likely to be a high-scoring affair.

RESULT:   Besancon   0-1  AET

6. Tauro vs. Arabe Unido – Panama National League

They’ve reached the Apertura (first half-season) postseason Semifinals here. This is the first match of a two-legged tie to see which will play for the title. Tauro are the #3 seed, play much more offensively than anyone else in that league. Arabe Unido won several close matches to get the #B seed. If Tauro score early in this, Noob predicts a rout will ensue.

RESULT:   Tauro   2-0

Image result for tauro fc

 

 

Noob is not down with the bull half-face thing.

That feels like nightmare-fodder.

7. Nicaragua vs. Haiti – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Six of CONCACAF’s best men’s national teams are not having to participate in this event. They will be placed in League A of the inaugural Nations League next year. All the other member nations are battling for placement in the various League levels, just like UEFA’s NL set-up. The top ten finishers in this event will also qualify for the Gold Cup, the federation’s biennial championship.

Since each team plays just four games, there’s a lot of room for volatility. And we’re getting it. Haiti are ranked just #102 in the world, yet are in 1st in this event with just this last match to go. They’ve outscored opponents 17-1.

Nicaragua are ranked even lower (#127), but also vying for a Gold Cup slot. They’re in 9th. They likely need a win to maintain their GC invitation, though a draw today doesn’t leave them out automatically. They only score half again as much as Haiti have been, are just an even match on their own pitch today.

RESULT:   Haiti   0-2

8. Brendam United vs. Brendam Harbor – Isle of Sodor Premier League

Noob’s exclusive coverage of the Isle’s inaugural FA league continues! I haven’t been able to yet give the IoSPL the attention I intended to, especially given how closely I documented the first-ever IoS FA Cup here over the summer. I’ve been hopping the pond quite a bit, soccer and other obligations keeping me stateside oft times.

Suffice it to say for now that these are historically two of the best teams on Sodor. Of course, that “history” is tons of friendlies and loose, sporadic league-like organizations that have come and gone over many years here. Now that they’re organizing their football on this national scale, it’s hard to know how much water past results hold.

Also, Harbor won the FA Cup. And on defense, a soccer virtue not typically held in particular esteem on the Isle. Shockingly, B-Utd didn’t even make it out of the Group Stage, finishing third there. Just couldn’t find the offense (four goals in three matches).

RESULT:   Brendam Utd   10-3         As often happens on Sodor, once a team is 2-3 goals late,  what little defense might’ve been happening evaporates.

Image result for what happened?

 

I don’t know.  The font just went weird.    

I blame having switched from MS Word to OpenOffice.

9. Tahiti vs. New Caledonia – Women’s World Cup qualification

Eight teams from the OFC are vying for one spot in World Cup next year. They’ve been divided into two Groups, with the top two finishers in each advancing to a Knockout Round.

This is the first match for both teams. They’re ranked #157 and #155 in the world. This makes them the fourth and third-best teams in this federation.

RESULT:    N.C.   2-4

10. Vitoria Setubal vs. Tondela – Portugal League Cup

The Taca de Liga has just reached its Group Stage, where 16 teams remain. They’ve been divided into Groups of four. Only the winners of each will advance to the Knockout Round.

This is not the country’s FA Cup, but rather a secondary Cup tournament contested by only clubs from the top two leagues. V.S. is a midtable Primeira Liga team, while Tondela is a fair bit worse. The point here isn’t so much this particular match so much as to just introduce Noobites to the tournament period.

RESULT:   Tondela   1-2

Image result for Setubal funny

 

So long from Setubal!

Come for the soccer, stay for the boutique apartments.

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/17) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads the way once again

This site serves two purposes, or such is Noob’s intent.   We learn about the leagues and tournaments of the world through the lens of a newish American fan.  And it’s all presented with pretty oddball humor oft times, something for fans Noobite and veteran alike (hopefully).

Weekends, though, the zaniness gets comparatively left by the wayside.  Even during this, the European International Break – which in turn affects most of the world – Saturday and Sunday will offer the best matches of the week.

So let’s dig in and see what goodies the day has to offer.

1. Italy vs. Portugal – UEFA Nations League

Here’s a direct link to understand the basics of what this tournament is: http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

Portugal are in the driver’s seat to win the Group and make the Playoffs. They already lead Italy by two in the table and still have a match to play after this. For Italy, this is fourth and final Group Stage match.

Italy must have a win today and than likely are forced to root for Poland to beat Portugal in the final match for those two. If Italy win by more than two today, than a Poland-Portugal draw would suffice. If Italy can at least get a draw today, they will have avoided any possibility of being Relegated to the League B for the next incarnation of this tournament in 2020-21.

Italy have dropped to #19 in the FIFA rankings and failed to even qualify for the last 2018 World Cup. In getting an 0-1 win over Poland in this tournament, they had their first win of any kind since March, a streak of six matches. Just like our U.S. men’s national team, they’re trending towards younger players in a reset, and it’s showing.

Portugal made it all the way to the World Cup quarterfinals, are ranked #7 in the world. They beat the Italians 1-0 in their first meeting of this event and have one three straight matches. (2:45 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   0-0

B. Serbia vs. Montenegro – UEFA Nations League

This one is in League C, yet that means there’s more at stake, in a way. Those League A teams are all likely to qualify for the 2020 European Championships through a variety of channels. Not so necessarily with teams down here. Each League’s winner automatically qualifies for the Euros, and this may be the only realistic shot for some teams.

Both these teams have played four of their six matches. League C groups have four teams each, unlike the three-team pods in League A, so their double round-robin is longer. Serbia are a point clear of Montenegro and two ahead of Romania.

The teams are ranked #35 and #39, respectively. Given that Serbia won the first match between them on the road 0-2, it’s hard not to see them as the favorite today.

RESULT:   Serbia   2-1

Image result for unrealistic letter B

 

The Number B brings unmitigated joy!

No Number Two ever prompted that degree of delight.

3. Palestino vs. Audax Italiano – Copa Chile

It’s the second leg of the Final! And the stakes are high. The winners qualify for the next Copa Libertadores (South American Champions League). Neither of these teams was anywhere near the top of the country’s Premier League standings, so this has been there only possible path.

In the first leg, Palestino scored the only goal at 90 +3′. Now they have the chance to take care of business at home for the title. But they’re particularly challenged on defense typically, so don’t look for them to be able to take the air out of the ball and hold on for a 0-0 draw for the match.

RESULT:   Palestino   3-2        Victors!    Congrats on Copa Libertadores invite

4. UPNFM vs. Platense – Honduras National League

Honduras’ football season is divided into separate Apertura and Clausura halves. The Apertura regular season is completed and the Playoffs have begun. The top six make these Playoffs, with the top two seeds getting byes.

These two enter as the #3 and #6 seeds. UPNFM earned a 1-1 draw in the first match of this two-legged quarterfinal tie. They’ll likely look to push the pace at home, which is going to be very hard on the visitors. Platense didn’t score much all regular season. Anything but an 0-1 win for Platense is probably doom.

RESULT:   Platense   0-1      On to the Semifinals!

Image result for soccer doom

5. Namibia vs. Guinea Bassau – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

The CAF’s premier national team competition is next year. This tournament is the play-in for that. Groups of four, each clubs plays a home-and-away round robine. Top two finishers in each get invites to the ACN.

South Africa hosting Nigeria might be the best game from this event today. But more is at stake in this one. These two are tied for 1st after four matches. More, the two teams below them in their Group each have a win and a draw. And Zambia is easily the highest-ranked team in the group, so one can expect them to make a push their last two matches.

Namibia’s been the best of this bunch on defense, G-B on offense. Midfield control may well decide this one. A low-scoring draw would serve both reasonably well, giving both a four-point lead over the others. That feels an unlikely conspiracy though. A win for either all but guarantee a top-two finish.

RESULT:    0-0       low-scoring draw it is

6. Barry Town vs. T.N.S – Wales Premier

It’s International Break in Europe, but that’s not keeping the Welsh top flite from gearing up. Surprising Barry Town are merely average on both sides of the ball, yet sit tied for 1st nearly halfway through the season. They even just pulled off a very solid road draw against co-leaders Connah’s Quay.

Perennial power The New Saints have been perhaps even more surprising, at least of late. They’ve dropped two matches in a row to midtable clubs and only got a draw against another just before that. The studly offense has simply vanished somehow.

This is one of Europe’s weaker leagues, so only the winner will get a berth in the next Champions League.

RESULT:   T.N.S.   0-2

Image result for surprising gif

 

Steve Carrell is pleasantly surprised by Barry Town.  Perhaps.

7. ASE Matoury vs. US Concarneau – Coupe de France

The French FA Cup is just getting underway. Well, the Regional Leagues’ amateur clubs have been competing to get to this, the Seventh Round. This is where qualifying teams from France’s overseas territories enter in, as well as the pro teams from League Two.

The overseas territories’ entries are the reason Noob is choosing to start highlighting this competition so early on. Some of those territories are CONCACAF members, and I’m more focused than ever on our getting familiar with our neighbors.

Noob’s not certain how ASE Matoury qualified from French Guiana. They and US Matoury finished #B and #3 in 2017-18 Division d’Honneur and are playing the Coupe, but not winners Le Geldar.

US Concarneau play out of the third division Championnat National league, where they’re struggling on defense and sitting midtable. Noob doesn’t have any sense of how the leagues and clubs compare, so it will be fun to see how the overseas territorial clubs do.

RESULT:   Concarneau   2-3

8. Edinburgh City vs. Alloa Athletic – Scotland Challenge Cup

Teams from levels two through five of the Scottish football pyramid compete in this Knockout tournament. They also invite a handful of teams from other nearby countries.

This is a quarterfinal match. Hosts Edinburgh are from the fourth-tier Scottish League Two, for the moment. They’re winning it, would be promoted if they finish #1.

Alloa are struggling in the second division Championship league, having just been promoted themselves. Still, Noob would easily favor the visitors to win by a goal or two here on the road.

RESULT:   Edinburgh City   2-2  /  4-3   pk            Upset City!   E.C. climbs back from an 0-2 whole to take it in penalty kicks.

Image result for edinburgh city fc 2018

9. Tolima vs. Santa Fe – Colombia Premier

The top eight make the Clausura (second half-season) here. This is the second leg of a quarterfinal two-legged tie between the #1 and #8 seeds. Tolima won the first match 2-1. Even on the road, Santa Fe still shouldn’t be counted out though. Statistically, these teams aren’t that far apart.

Colombia determines its entrants into Copa Libertadores by aggregate table, combining the Apertura and Clausura regular season records. That takes a tiny bit of the shine off things for these Playoffs, but but not much.

RESULT:   Santa Fe   0-1        But it’s Tolima who advance, 4-3 on penalty kicks

10. Hassania Agadir vs. Raja Casablanca – Morocco Botola Pro

We finish out Track in one of Africa’s best leagues. The most recent rankings as this sixth-best on the content, and their on pace to climb as high as #B by 2020.

This match features the current league leader against #10. Wait, 10? Yep. International Break means slimmer pickings, but this is an important match there, too. Raja Casablanca have only played half as many matches as many clubs there because of having been playing in the Champions League. They’ve not lost any of their four matches and are statistically the best team.

Agadir can really defend, are likely to be near the table’s top all season long, competing for one of the two CL berths for next year. But R.C. defend just as well and score a lot more.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for agadir funny

 

 

So long from Agadir!

 

not trick photography

goats climb Argan trees for the fruit in Agadir.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Tuesday (5/8) – US Open Cup leading the way

Wednesday in particular is going to be SO chock full of exceptional matches that Noob is expanding the usual three-day, one-post Midweek Edition into three full days!

I’ll wait for the applause to die down.

OK, splendid.  Onward and upward to the ten most important matches for us, the newish Americans fans of the global game – to follow!

  1. Portland Timbers U23 vs. Kitsap Pumas – U.S. Open Cup

It’s not so much that this one particular match is “important”, but Noob felt it was past time to post that the event had started.  And it’s the only match from the event today.

This is America’s FA Cup.  Competing are the 20 US-based MLS clubs, 22 of the second-division USL teams.  Also in – through qualification rounds – are 41 teams from the unofficial fourth tier (there is no “third tier”) NPSL and PDL and 13 from local amateur leagues.

Kitsap (Bremerton, WA) are here from the Northwest Conference of the NPDL, winners of the playoffs there.  Portland’s most seasoned youth squad won the Northwest Division playoffs in the PDL to get in.  This is the First Round.  The winner will take on Reno 1868 out of the USL.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Nothing.  I have a policy of not prognosticating when kiddins are involved.

RESULT:   PTU23   5-0

Image result for kids gambling funny

 

 

 

 

Only madness can ensue from such.

B.  Swansea City vs. Southampton – English Premier

Probably about a quarter billion pounds on the line.  Two matches to go, and these two are tied in the table for 17th.  Southampton lead on GD.  Bottom three of the 20 clubs get Relegated to the second tier Championship League next season, so they’re straddling that line.

Swansea haven’t won a match since early March.  Southampton actually have a win and a draw in their last two games.   (2:45 PM Eastern, NBCSN)

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1.  More tension!

RESULT:   Southampton   0-1   And with that, West Brom are now Relegated along with Stoke City.  One more to be determined.

Image result for letter B gif

 

 

Number B, adding to the tension and high drama.

  1. Les Herbiers vs. Paris Saint-Germain – Coupe de France

Minnow madness!   Les Herbiers are from the third tier of French football.  And they’re on the edge of being Relegated down another level this season.  Yet here they are!   Technically, this is at a neutral site, but only in that it is not on PSG’s home pitch.  But it is in Paris.   (3:05 PM, beIN Sports)

Noobstradus Sees:   I’m not telling!  Because I want to be wrong.  PSG are tops in all France.

RESULT:   PSG   0-2

  1. Aberdeen vs. Rangers – Scottish Premier

Two matches to go, and these two are #B and #3, separated in the table by just a point.  Hibernian lurk just two more points back, looking to steal one of their Europa League bids should either falter.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Aberdeen 2-0        Rangers are going to be a mess, as their going through a late-season managerial change.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for aragorn fallen off cliff

 

Falling off a cliff will mess up a Ranger as well.

  1. Buriram United vs. Jeonbuk – AFC Champions League

It’s the Round of 16, first leg.  These two are entrants from the #9 and #4 leagues in Asia.  Noob’s doubtful either can reach beyond the next round, so let’s pay them attention while we can.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Jeonbuk 1-2     The top leagues in Asia are simply much better.

RESULT:   Buriram   3-2

  1. Al-Ain vs. Al-Duhail – AFC Champions League

Your undercard today from this tournament is a tough one to handicap.  Al-Ain – from UAE – only snuck in because the qualifying 3rd-place team from the top league there last year merged with a different club.  They have to exist as they are for three years to be eligible.

Duhail are here by virtue of winning last year’s top league in Qatar.

Noobstradamus Sees:   The crystal ball is cloudy.  Either there’s not enough of a sample size with Al-Ain to know how good they might be, or I need to find some Windex.

RESULT:   Duhail   2-4

Image result for bad merger funny

 

 

Crazy-bad merger idea

  1. Debrecen vs. Puskas FK Academy – Hungary FA Cup

These two mid-table teams from Hungary’s top division are facing off in a Semifinal.  Puskas took the first leg 4-0.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Puskas 1-3     Until their last match, they’d been in a seven-match unbeaten streak.  Debrecen have been going the opposite way.

RESULT:   Debrecen   2-0    But Puskas advance on aggregate, 4-2.

  1. Cobh Ramblers vs. Longford Town – League of Ireland Cup

This is not the country’s FA Cup.  Rather, mostly only teams from the top two divisions complete.  They invite a few lower division and even junior teams sometimes to round things out.  This is a Quarterfinal, featuring two second-tier sides.  They are #8 and #6 in their league, respectively.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Longford  0-1!   Apparently Rambling doesn’t involve scoring much, but Cobh hasn’t much all season.

RESULT:   Cobh   2-0

Image result for rambling bad funny

 

 

 

[insert self-deprecating joke about Noob’s own rambling HERE]

  1. Atletico MG vs. San Lorenzo – Copa Sudamericana

It seems odd to Noob these two would be meeting in the First Stage.  These are the top two entrants from South America’s top two countries, Brazil and Argentina.   Maybe it’s a completely random draw.  Weirdness.  Also, it’s the only one of the three matches from this event today not televised on a network one might get here in America.  More weirdness.

Aaaanywho, this is South America’s equivalent of Europa League.  San Lorenzo won the first leg 1-0.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …this very even matchup ending as it should.  Atletico 1-0. then winning it in PK’s.

RESULT:   0-0    San Lorenzo advances on aggregate, 1-0.

  1. Al Quwa Al Jawiya vs. Al Ahed – AFC Cup

This isn’t really analogous to Europa League, other than that this is a secondary tournament to the AFC Champions League.  Top teams from leagues in what their confederation has deemed “developing soccer countries” play in this one.

AQAJ – out of the Iraqi Premier – have won the last two years.   They are also the defending champions of AFC’s #11 league.  Ahed are undefeated this year in the Lebanese Premier (league #21).

Noobstradamus Sees:  Nothin’.  Qawa Jawiya are messing with the Scrabble-part of my prognosticating brain.

RESULT:   AQAJ   3-1

Image result for iraq goodbye funny

 

 

 

So long from Iraq, Noobites!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Thursday, 3/1 – Noob scorns Seattle Sounders

The ten most super matches to follow for we the newish American soccer fans lie just below.  They are packed with goodness, but spiced with scorn!

Tip o’ the day:  Noobites, please consider following on Twitter, @SoccerNoobUSA.

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Santa Tecla – CONCACAF Champions League

El Salvador’s current second-place league team lead 1-2 after the first match of this two-legged tie (two-match series).  On paper, Sounders should be an even match for them at home.  But MLS hasn’t quite begun, so that rust leaves visitors the favorites INHO.

And that’s with no bias from Noob.  This, despite the fact that the first diehard soccer fan I ever met was a college T.A. / massive bag of douche.  Noob is forever soured on the Sounders.

RESULT:   Seattle   4-0

Image result for douchebag funny

 

 

Home soil usually gets Noob’s support, but here’s looking at you, Sounder.

B.  NY Red Bulls vs. Olimpia – CONCACAF Champions League

Olimpia, from Honduras, are the superior team.  But they only managed a 1-1 draw against NYRB at their own place, and now the road awaits.

Actually, Noob wonders if home field advantage for this second leg will mean much.  This wouldn’t be the first time an Amuricuhn side had quieter supporters than the visitors.

RESULT:   NYRB   2-0

Image result for snazzy letter B

 

Name:  Number B        

(Join the quest for change, Noobites.)

  1. Arsenal vs. Manchester City – English Premier

Arsenal are in 6th, and far enough back of even 5th in the table that their fate seems sealed – Europa League.  Burnley won’t catch them.  Man City are riding high after winning the EFL Cup, should be favored here on the road by a goal.

RESULT:   Man City   0-3

  1. Alianza Lima vs. Boca Juniors – Copa Libertadores

This is the first match of the Group Stage for these two in South America’s Champions League.  Full disclosure: this match probably won’t be close.  A.Lima is more on par with a good MLS team.  Boca Juniors are an Argentinian behemoth.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for full disclosure funny

 

Just what are you trying to tell Noob, interwebs?

  1. Caen vs. Lyon – Coupe de France

These two are 13th and 4th place in Ligue 1, respectively.  Caen’s hope lies in that Lyon may be far more focused on league play.  Only the top three will get into Champions League, and Lyon is close-ish at five points out of 4th.  This is Quarterfinal match.

RESULT:   Caen   1-0

  1. Midtjylland vs. Brondby – Denmark Superliga

These two are in an absolute dogfight for the regular season title, #B Brondby trailing by just three points with four matches to go.  Then the league title playoffs begin, for which these two have already qualified.

RESULT:   Brondby   0-1

Image result for danish dogfight

 

 

[See caption 4.]

  1. Besiktas vs. Fenerbahce – Turkey FA Cup

League 3rd place hosts 4th in this Semifinal, which should be one of the most competitive matches of the day.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. AE Larissa vs. AEK Athens – Greece FA Cup

This is the first leg of the Semifinal.    Larissa doesn’t score a lick, which is why they’re 13th place in league play.  AEK only give up a goal every other game on average, and the league Bth-place side won’t give one up today.

RESULT:  AEL   2-1 !

Image result for ae larissa funny

Actual AEL match photo.

AEL, you’re doing…whatever that is… wrong.

  1. Esteghlal vs. Persepolis – Persian Gulf Pro League

Esteghlal is in a five-team logjam for 3rd place.  This will make for a wild and wooly finish, as exactly the top three league finishers will make the AFC Champions League.  They have a huge lead in goal differential, but that’s unlikely to matter which so many clubs in that mix.

Also, they’re going to get bushwhacked by runaway league-leader Persepolis.   Noobstradamus divines a 1-3 thrashing.

RESULT:   Esteghlal   1-0      Noob fail

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

Judging by my facial expression, might I be experiencing a logjam of my very own right now?

  1. Al-Ain vs. Al-Wahda – UAE Pro League

This also seems to be known or have been known as Arabian Gulf Pro League.  I wish this and some other leagues around the globe would make up their darn minds.  I am Noob!   Don’t confuse me.  Noob does not need your help on that front.

That said, the match should be a doozy.  #1 hosts #B, separated by only one point in the table.  The top three will get into AFC Champions League.  But since UAE will be the host country later this year, the league champ will also get into the Club World Cup.  Enticing!

RESULT:   Al Ain   6-2

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Wednesday, 8/27 – FA Cups, throwing shade at SheBelieves, and Evil Flower-Elmo…

The ten most important soccer matches for the newish American soccer fan to follow.  T2T are the spine of this project.  Noob hopes it is helpful and fun.

Tenured soccer fans, come on in and stay a while!  There;’s always a little to learn for everyone.

And the comedy attempt-aspect is NOT weird, confusing, or inappropriate.  Not ever.  *bonnnngggg*

  1. FC Dallas vs. Tauro – CONCACAF Champions League

The First Round continues.  Panamanian Tauro took down Dallas 1-0 in the first leg.  To advance, Dallas has to not only win, but they must win by at least two goals is Tauro gets one (tiebreaker rule – away goals).

Dallas is better on paper, looks like the favorite.  But it’s important to remember that the non-Amuricuhn clubs have been playing their league seasons for some time.  U.S. teams start their league this weekend, aren’t nearly as in form yet.

RESULT:   Dallas   3-2     But Tauro advances!  Aggregate ends 3-3, the Panamanians advancing on away-goal tiebreaker.

Image result for FC Dallas supporters

 

One stripper for the young Dallas supporter, one for the bull.

Noob’s terrified on multiple fronts..

B.  Guadalajara vs. Cibao – CONCACAF Champions League

The Mexican side won the away leg of this tie 0-2.  Now they get to finish off Ciabo from the Dominican Republic at home.    (8:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Guadalajara   5-0

Image result for dominican letter B

 

 

 

Cardi B (and her Dominican dad) are thrilled this match is Number B.

  1. CF America vs. Saprissa – CONCACAF Champions League

Noob has often thought Costa Rica’s Saprissa was one of the sneaky-best clubs in the federation.  Well, they got not-so-sneaky clobbered 1-5 in the first leg of this fiasco.  CFA may win today 2-0 just by accident.    (10:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1      CFA advances on aggregate.

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Rochdale – English FA Cup

The Fifth Round Proper has another Replay to do.  Third-tier Rochdale had a stunning finish to equalize in the first go-‘round between these two.  Their reward will seemingly be to get thrashed at Wembley, but at least they get to split the gate!  Noob fervently wishes for the upset, of course.    (2:45 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Hotspur   6-1      This was actually a match at halftime, 1-1.

Image result for death of harry hotspur

 

 

Die 1000 more times, traitorous Harry “Hotspur” Percy!

  1. Alebrijes Oaxaca vs. Puebla – Copa MX

This is the last game of the Group Stage for these two.  Second-division Oaxaca lead by a point.  Puebla is in second.  Most second-place teams from these Groups of three will advance.  But the worst-performing two of the nine will not, and right now Liga MX side Puebla are among those two.

Oaxaca would be fine with a draw.  Puebla has to win.  It will be entertaining to see which club can control the pace.

RESULT:   1-1     So Oaxaca advances, and Puebla -as the worst-finishing second place Group finisher – is out.

  1. Japan vs. Netherlands – Algarve Cup

Previously, this has been the premier invitational women’s tournament in the world.  The SheBelieves Cup has taken some of its luster, however, by siphoning off four of the very best national teams.

Noob is not pleased with this development over the last three years.  Algarve is a lovely region of Portugal, and tradition is wonderful.

Still, 12 teams play in Portugal, divided into Groups of four to start.  These two are ranked 9th and 7th by FIFA.

RESULT:   Netherlands   2-6      So much for Noob having tried to pick a competitive match from this event to feature

Image result for shebelieves cup 2018

 

Noob Believes She not believing in a space between two words makes She looks silly.

  1. Lazio vs. AC Milan – Coppa Italia

Lazio kept things scoreless in the first leg of this Semifinal tie.  Milan now has their work cut out for them for their road trip.  That said, if they can score an away-goal today, then Lazio has to get at least two to advance.

These two are 4th and 7th place in Serie A, respectively.    (2:45 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   AC Milan   1-1  /  4-5   pk

  1. Millonarios vs. Corinthians – Copa Libertadores

This is the first Group Stage match for these two.  Here, clubs are divided into Groups of four each.  The top two finishers in each advance, while the 3rd-place sides will get dropped down to Copa Sudamericana (South America’s version of Europa League).

Millonarios are the second-highest qualifying team from Colombia.  Corinthians are sort of the #1 qualifier from Brazil.  (Defending champions Gremio are from Brazil, go in automatically.)

Noobstradamus attests that home field advantage will be enough today, Millonarios will net a 2-1 last-minute, thrilling victory!

RESULT:   0-0      A thrilling prognostication failure…

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

I also Believe a serious backlash is coming for ripping on SheBelieves.

Goodness.  That name does look stupid.

  1. Chambly vs. Strasbourg – Coupe de France

Minnow Alert!   Chambly may be stinking up Championnat National (third-tier) joint and be about to get Relegated, but they’ve made a surprise run to the Quarterfinal in this FA Cup.

Strasbourg are having a poor, forgettable year in Ligue 1, but they’re still Ligue 1 and so should whomp this team in their own house.    (12:30 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Chambly   1-0     Minnow success!

  1. Aves vs. Caldas – Taca de Portugal

Noob finds this arrangement strange.  Usually the higher-ranking team gets to host the second leg of a tie.  But for this Semifinal, Primeira Liga Aves hosts first.

Aves was promoted to Portugal’s top flight just this year.  They’re the best of the worst this season, on top of a tight group of clubs in the bottom of the table.  Caldas are a third-division team, sitting in the middle of one of the Campeonato subdivisions.

RESULT:   Aves   1-0

Image result for floral arrangement funny

 

 

Speaking of strange arrangements…