Tag: ESPN Deportes

’10 to Track’ midweek Edition soccer matches – US Open Cup Semis lead the way

The ten most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

As the big Euro leagues start to roust themselves, it’s getting harder to justify a single Midweek Edition Track!  Soon, there will be re-expansion.

For now, Noob remains efficient.  Match previews are now posted through Wednesday.

Twitter:  @SoccerNoobUSA

Tuesday

  1. Dorados de Sinaloa vs. CF America – Copa MX

Welcome back to the Apertura (first half-season) Mexican FA Cup.   We’re still in the Group Stage – nine pods of three teams playing a single-round robin, with winners and the seven best runners-up advancing.

Veracruz lost both of their matches so far, so one of these two will win the Group.  Cups tournaments, for Noob, are all about looking for Minnow until their late stages.  Sinaloa is our underdog del dia.  They finished #B in their Clausura in the Ascenso MX (second tier) last season.

CF America is really good, so los Dorados will need all the home pitch advantage they can squeeze out of today.   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   0-0      With a match to go, these two have now both clinched at least runner-up status in the Group.  Still, two of the runners-up in this stage will not advance, so all still bears watching.

B.  Chelsea vs. Lyon – International Champions Cup

Most teams that aren’t already done are playing their third and final matches of this event.  That is the case for these two.  It’s just glorified friendlies, so the results don’t matter really, but these two are tied for 10th.  This is a home match for Chelsea, which is weird for this event.

Soon, their leagues will begin, so maybe the club will actually start their real lineups.   (3:00 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-0  /  5-4  pk

Image result for letter B sunglasses

 

 

Number B, already keepin’ it real.

Charming the ladies.  Unlike that poser Number Two.

 

Wednesday

  1. Houston Dynamo vs. LAFC – U.S. Open Cup

It’s the Semifinals of America’s FA Cup today!  This is a knockout format, so no return leg to Los Angeles.

Both teams have been on skids in MLS.  Houston has lost three in a row, sunk all the way to 10th place in the West.  Since they’re almost certainly not Playoff-bound, perhaps this means they’ll be super focused on chasing this trophy.  Not every team is necessarily.

That brings us to LAFC, who are also winless in their last three.  They’re in 4th out West, seem very much in line for a postseason berth.  That’s hardly guaranteed, but they are also shooting for a top two-seed, good for one or more home pitch Playoff games.

LAFC seems more likely to sprinkle in more reserves and/or subs today.  between that and the GD between these two not being too far apart – despite the difference in table position – and Noob finds himself believing in Houston.  Not that Noob would ever, ever root for a city built on a swamp.  Down with bad urban planning!  (Don’t judge me poorly.  That cause is JUST.)

RESULT:   Houston   3-3  /  7-6  pk       Diego Rossi had all three goals for LAFC in the loss.

  1. Utah Royals vs. Washington Spirit – National Women’s Soccer League

This isn’t likely a match with playoff implications, but expansion Utah isn’t totally out of that picture.  The top four will advance.  Utah is in 6th, and got a surprising point two matches ago against might NC Courage.  They followed that up with a solid road win at so-so Houston.

Washington has lost six straight and sit in second-to-last.  They’re so bad, Noob wonders if they would even beat MLS’ D.C. United…

OK, that was mean.  But was it unfair?

RESULT:   Utah   1-0

Image result for that was mean

 

You’re no Richard Dawson!!  

Get off Noob’s back, Harvey.

  1. UNAL Tigres vs. Tapachula – Copa MX

The Group Stage rolls onward!  Nine pods of three.  Double round robin format.  All winners and seven runners-up will advance.

Tapachula are one of the two Ascenso MX clubs in Group 9.  We Tracked them once already this stage, so we’re going to have some fun continuing to follow them. They got a draw in their first match with San Luis.  They’ve been on a great roll, having won the 2017-18 Clausura Ligulla.

UNAL needs to show why they’re a Liga MX team today, after dropping their first match to San Luis.

RESULT:   0-0     

  1. Celtic vs. AEK Athens – UEFA Champions League

This is the Third Qualifying Round.  After this, there is a Playoff Round to determine final entrants into the Group Stage, where the big boys of Europe enter the tournament.

This round is where Athens enters as the Greek Super League (15-ranked) champs.  Celtic, out of Scotland’s league (ranked #26) entered two rounds ago, has so far clobbered Armenian and Norwegian teams.

Despite the difference in league ranking, Celtic is the more accomplished team internationally in recent years, should be favored by a goal at home.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for AEK supporters riot

 

 

But are you ready for the standard Greek fans, Scotland?

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Toronto FC – Canadiaian Championship

This is just a four-team affair between Canadia’s three MLS teams and the USL’s Ottawa Fury.  The winner gets Canadia’s berth into the CONCACAF Champions League though.  As the country’s soccer federation soon has it’s own broader league (though without the MLS teams), Noob wonder’s if this Championship will field a lot more clubs in the coming years.

Vancouver is 7th place in MLS’ Western Conference, fighting for a top six regular season finish and Playoff berth.  Will they play all starters here?  Toronto are 9th in the east.  As they made the Final of the last CONCACAF CL and are less likely to get an MLS playoff berth, perhaps the will be more inclined to throw total effort into this affair.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Independiente – Sugura Bank Championship

This is a strange annual match.  It’s always in Japan, so Noob assumes sponsor Sugura Bank just pays both teams a pile of yen to show up for a glorified friendly.

This pits the J.League Cup winner – not the J.League regular season champ – from last year against the defending Copa Sudamericana (South America’s answer to Europa League) titleholder.

To give some idea of the relative strengths of the clubs, know that C.Osaka would be among the very favorites to win MLS if they played here.  And Argentina’s Independiente would probably beat them about 2/3 of the time on neutral pitches.

RESULT:   Independiente   0-1

Image result for scrooge mcduck pile of money gif

 

 

Winners get to go to the bank CEO’s house, go full Scrooge McDuck dive into a bottomless pit of yen.

  1. Home United vs. Ceres-Negros FC – AFC Cup

This is Asia’s secondary Cup tournament for clubs, though not really analogous to Europa League or Copa Sudamericana.  Clubs participating in this qualify out of countries identified by the AFC as soccer “developing” and “emerging” soccer nations.   Google up the criteria specifics if you are so inclined Noobites.  We streamline things here.

There are five geographically-based “zones” out of which clubs will advance to Inter-Zonal Finals and then final Finals.  This match is the second leg of the ASEAN (southeast Asia) Zonal Final.  They drew the first match.

Home United qualified by finishing 3rd in Singapore’s top league, which is ranked just above average in Asia.  This would not be high enough, but the champs are a Japanese club satellite team, and so ineligible for international competition.  The #B team got into AFC Champions League.

Ceres-Negros are from the Philippines, the runaway winners of their slightly better top-flite league.  It is ranked #17 in Asia.  They actually played in the pre-Group Stage of the AFC CL, but didn’t make the Group Stage, so they can still play in this one.  That’s nice.

RESULT:   Home   2-0

Thursday

  1. Cerro Porteño vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

The Round of 16 in South America’s version of Champions League is here.  This is the first match of the two-legged tie for these two.

Palmeiras qualified for the CL by finishing runner up in Brazil’s Serie A last year.  They went undefeated in the Group Stage to get to this Round, with an average match result of a two-goal victory per.

Paraguay’s top entrant finished #B in their Group, even goal differential.  They’re good.  But even at home, their only maybe an even match for their guests today.  The winner will take on either Chile’s Colo-Colo or Corinthians from Brazil – a traditional behemoth either way.

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

Image result for General Pablo Rojas Stadium

 

 

So long from La Olla Nueva, Asuncion, Paraguay!

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – double-dipping in Mexico, then spanning the planet!

Friday’s, world leagues’ schedules tend to run a little lighter.  So Noob takes the opportunity to dust off his passport and visit soccer leagues hither and yonder!

As always, we’ll start close to home.  Then it’s off to exotic footyball hinterlands!  You may not always be able to drink the water, but Noobites can safely drink in these sweet match previews.

OK, that was lame.  Onward!

  1. Cruz Azul vs. CF America – Liga MX Femenil

Welcome to the Track, mujeres!  Noob’s been long overdue to feature a match from your league.  Wish it hadn’t been because I had to dash a preview of a women’s International Champions Cup game.  Noob thought North Carolina Courage was playing Paris Saint-Germain today, but NCC won that on Thursday.

But we’re all here now, and better for it!  Like the men’s league, this one is just getting started.  Unlike it, they are divided into two separate Groups for the season, with the top two in each making the Liguilla (postseason).

CF America won their Group last Clausura (half-season) on the strength on scoring half again as many goals as the next-best club.  Cruz Azul finished in 6th, unable to hit even double-digit goals in 14 matches.  Woof.

RESULT:   America   0-3

B.  Monarcas Morelia vs. Santos – Liga MX

The 2018-19 season is just getting underway.  Santos finished 4th in least year’s Clausura (second half-season and then won that Liguilla (postseason).  Morelia finished in 8th, the only team to make the postseason with a negative goal differential.  Watch this one to see if Santos is still scoring like it’s pinball.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Morelia   3-1

Image result for letter B crown

 

 

Number B – looking royal and ready to root for Morelia

  1. Etoile du Sahel vs. Mbabane Swallows – CAF Champions League

They’re halfway through the Group Stage in Africa’s top league tournament.  Remaining are four pods of four playing double round robins.  The top two in each will advance to the Knockout Round.

Tunisia’s Etoile du Sahel are unsurprisingly the leading their Group.  Mbabane from Swaziland are not expected to advance – or weren’t!  They’re #B in that table.  du Sahel won the first matchup between these two 0-3.  Little reason to believe the runner-up in the second-best league in Africa won’t crush again today.

Fun Fact:   One of du Sahel’s nicknames is Jawharat Sahel, which translates to “Jewel Coast:.

RESULT:   EdS   2-0

  1. Lokomotiv Moscow vs. CSKA Moscow – Russia Super Cup

This is a standard Super Cup, two top teams facing off in a glorified friendly as a lead-in to the league season.  What isn’t standard is who is playing and why.

Most often, these events pit the reigning league champs against the defending FA Cup winners.  Last year, the latter was a club named FC Tosno.  But they went belly-up, despite their success.  And Premier League runners-up CSKA fill the slot.   This is being played in Moscow, though not at the home pitch of either club.

RESULT:   CSKA   0-1   AET

Image result for belly-up funny

 

 

 

One of these adorable kitties could be named Tosno.

  1. Temperley vs. Estudiantes Caseros – Argentina FA Cup

This Knockout tournament is in its Round of 64.  Temperely were demoted to the second division after last season.  Estudiantes Caseros play in one of the two third-tier leagues.  They were the runners-up least season.  The winner will play third-division Deportivo Maipu next Round.  A Caseros upset would guarantee a Minnow in the Round of 16.  Muy bueno.

On a side note, why do both my MS Word and iPhone autocorrect voice feature try to capitalize “bueno”.  Is it now common to think that things in Spanish can only be a little better than just regular-good?  Inquiring Noobites should want to know.   (4:10 PM, TyC International)

Fun Fact:  Caseros is a town in the province of Buenos Aires, which is why the club is just as commonly cited as “Estudiantes Buenos Aires” or just “Esudiantes (BA)”.

RESULT:   Temperley   1-0

  1. Atletico Pantoja vs. Moca – Dominican Republic Liga Mayor

CONCACAF me!  Noob loves to get to know our continental/regional neighbors on Fridays.

These are the 3rd and 5th-place teams in the D.R.’s top league.  The top four will have a Championship Playoff at regular season’s end.  All the top teams here play about the same level of defense.    Pantoja has the superior offense, if not by leaps and bounds.  At home, one would think this is enough.  If Moca can pull the upset, they will climb into a 4th-place tie.

RESULT:   Pantoja   1-0

Image result for pantoja neighborhood dominican republic

 

 

 

Peace Corps party in Pantajo – a neighborhood in Santo Domingo.

  1. Mlada Boleslav vs. Sigma Olomouc – Czech First League

Would it surprise you to know this is a top-15 league in Europe?

M.B. were 9th last year.  Olomouc finished in fourth, qualifying for the current Europa League.  They’re about to get to play, entering in at the Third Qualifying Round.  They don’t play nearly the offense that other top Czech clubs do, so Noob thinks the hosts have aa coin flip-chance today.

Fun Fact:  Mlada Boleslav was called Bumsla at one time by the Jews, for whom this city had become an important center.

RESULT:   Olomouc   0-4

  1. KI vs. Skala – Faroe Islands Meistardeildin

Would it surprise you to learn this league is rated #9 in all Europe?   It should.  They’re ninth from the bottom.  Hey, teeny tiny country.   And they’re playing.

Only the winner will get into Champions League, of course.  The next two will both make Europa League.  KI are #B in the table, five points out of first.  Skala is in 6th, the best of the bottom half.  There’s a massive gulf between the two halves, too, to this match may not be close.

RESULT:   KI   3-1

Image result for Klaksvíkar Ítróttarfelag 2018

 

 

Klaksvíkar Ítróttarfelag

Noob’ll just stick with “KI”.

  1. Al Merreikh vs. Hay Al Arab – Sudan Premier

This was a two-horse league last year, and Al Merrikh missed wining the title by a nose.  Still, that’s good enough in Africa’s 7th-best league to make the CAF Champions League.  But they got knockout out of that before the Group Stage.

If Hay Al Arab – last year’s 11th-place club – pull an upset, it will be with a very low score.  All last season, they did nothing but take the air out of the ball.

Fun Fact:  Al Merreikh was formed by students at former Gordon Memorial College, now part of U. of Khartoum.

RESULT:   Al Merreikh   2-1

  1. Dwangwa United vs. Civil Sporting – Malawi Super League

This league is not ranked in Africa’s top 25.  Perfect for Friday excursion!  Dwangwa are in 14th, just one spot above the Relegation line.  Noob couldn’t even quickly find the name of Malawi’s second division-league.  It is unworthy and perhaps not spoken of.  Civil are in 4th place, eight points out of 1st (Big Bullets).

This may end up a high-affair.  Neither team stops anyone.

RESULT:   Dwangwa   1-0

Image result for nkhotakota wildlife reserve

 

 

So long from Nkhotakota Wildlife Reserve (near Dwangwa Utd’s home town)!

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday soccer matches – plus World Cup schtuff

It’s Monday, embrace the suckitude!

We start with some World Cup matches, then feature our traditional Monday Relegation games.  And Noob’s had fun delving deep  into league scheds around the globe to make sure today is chock full of matchups involving teams about to get the Boot.  Let us ogle and celebrate them!

  1. Iceland vs. Slovenia – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

Reminder:  Seven Group of five.  Only the top finisher in each automatically qualifies for World Cup.  The top four in the #B finishers’ table will have a playoff for one final WC berth.

FIFA #19 Iceland trail Germany by just two points for 1st place, and they’ve played one less match.  Czech Republic – six points behind Iceland – are the only other team that could still crack the top two.  #62 Slovenia is eliminated, as are Faroe Islands.  The latter have yet to score in this event and have given up 41 goals.  Mommy.

Noobstradamus is back in action, prognosticating for YOU.  Iceland 4-0 in an utter rout.   Find your bookies, Noobites!  Cash on the barrelhead.

RESULT:   Iceland   2-0

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

When sports gambling is legal in every U.S. state, I’m winning a bazillion dollars, buying this website, and dancing around the flames I set to it.

B.  Belgium vs. Costa Rica – friendly

Belgium is the third-ranked men’s national team in the world, a quiet dark horse to make a deep run at World Cup.  They’ve kept four clean sheets in a row.  But all their friendlies going back to October have been at home.  And they have the occasional weird hiccup, like letting Bosnia & Herzegovina and Mexico score three times each.

#23 Costa Rica needs some success heading into Russia.  They’re only wins in recent are against fairly-weak Scotland and Northern Ireland.  Noob’s chosen them for his CONCACAF team for which to cheer.  I more than suspect they will be gone after the Group Stage, leaving Noob a soccer-supporting, port-less boat in a storm.  Or something.   (2:45 PM Eastern, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Belgium   4-1

Image result for letter B storm

 

 

 

But Number B is the storm!

  1. South Korea vs Senegal – friendly

#57 South Korea managed a home draw against Bolivia in their most recent friendly.  Might be the last success they see in a while.  Senegal is headed to Russia as well, but haven’t been testing themselves against very highly-ranked competition.  They need to prove to themselves they can score against this weaker S.K. side, because they haven’t against much of anyone else.

RESULT:   Senegal   2-0     Turns out the game was in Senegal

  1. Smolevichy vs. Gorodeya – Belarus Premier

#27 of 55, a perfectly good, fine and average European league.  We need to see more of them here.

Two of the 16 teams in this league will be Relegated.  10 matches into the season, there’s a five-way tie for last.  Three of them are even tied on goal differential and these are two of them.  Gorodeya occupies last place by virtue of some other tiebreaker, Smolevichy 14th.

RESULT:   Smolevichy   2-0

Image result for haradzeya

 

 

Church of Jospeh, Haradzeya (home of FC Gorodeya)

pop. not much over 4,000.

  1. Naft Matsan vs. Zakho – Iraq Premier

Iraq is considered to be just outside the top 10 of Asian leagues.  Based on clubs’ performance in international matches, they’re likely to drop some next year.

Zakho are in last with six league matches to go, all but set to be demoted to second-tier Iraqi Division 1.  Their plight is made worse by their having been docked three points in the table for a player-pay issue.  No offense sure ain’t helping.  Naft Matsan are in 11th.

Fun Fact:   Zakho is believed to have been founded on a small island surrounded on all sides by the Little Khabur River.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Kedus Giorgis vs. Woldya Kenema – Ethiopia Premier

Three teams of these 16 will get The Boot after six more matches.  Woldya are in last, yet only six points from daylight.  But it’s #3 “Saint George” they’re visiting.  Woldya doesn’t appear to have nearly the offense to climb out of trouble.

RESULT:   St. George   3-1

Image result for Biblical solomon ethiopia

 

 

Weldiya is in the Amhar region, where they claim to descend from the Biblical Solomon.

  1. Qizilqum vs. Sogdiana – Uzbekistan Super League

Uzbekistan is a top-ten Asian league and climbing.  These two likely haven’t been helping that cause, though, as they are 10th and 11th of the dozen league clubs.

Last year, five clubs were Relegated.  This year, Noob’s sources are unclear on how many will go down, but they agree that there is some sort of Relegation Round for the bottom six.  The season’s is not quite twelve games in, so they’re plenty of time for either to improve their place in the table.

Fun Fact:  Sogdiana is named for the ancient Iranian civilization of that name.

RESULT:   Qizilqum   2-0

  1. Taraz vs. Kaspiy – Kazakhstan First Division

Here’s where we start to have to dig a little deeper in the world league scheds to find Relegation sadness to celebrate.

Like Belarus, the Kazakh top league is right in the middle strength-wise in Europe.  Here, we delve into that country’s second division.

Just one team will get Relegated from this league, and so far that team looks to be Kaspiy.  They and Aktobe Jas are well behind the pack.  Kaspiy’s offense appears to be good enough to compete well enough with other lower-half league teams, but they carry the worst defense.  #B Taraz can easily handle them on their own pitch.

RESULT:   Taraz   4-0

Image result for Aktau kazakhstan block

 

Aktau (Kaspiy’s home city) doesn’t use street names, just three-number addresses.

  1. Tallinna Kalev II vs. Flora II – Estonia Esiliiga

Oh Estonia, you make Noob swoon!   Top division – Meisttrliiga.  Second division – Esiliiga.  Your double i’s shine like no diamond ever could.

Noob’s not sure about the visiting side here, but TK’s squad is an under-21 bunch.  Currently they’re in 8th place.  Whichever club finishes in that position will have to win a playoff against a third-division team for the right to stay up. Flora II is #B.

Fun Fact:   Noob is and will always be enamored with ii.  Just search the site to see my many odes to ii.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Varketili vs. Matchakhela – Georgia Liga III

Georgian third division footyball is back on the Track!   Play your sad sack teams in Mondays, you get on Noob, plain and simple.

Not sure how many teams get booted out of this league annually, but the entire bottom half (ten) will participate in a Relegation Playout event.  These two have little chance of climbing into the top half, what being in 18th and last, respectively.  Varketili can’t play D, and that D is excellent compared to Matchkhela’s O.

Image result for sulfur bath tbilisi

 

So long from Tbilisi – “warm location” named for its sulfuric hot spring baths

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (6/4) – embrace the suckitude

Ah, Monday.  Why grumble over it?  Instead, Noob suggests embracing the dark feelings it brings and celebrating the suckitude.

League schedules run lighter after the weekend (very light, as will soon be demonstrated).  So let’s mix in some matches involving teams that are perhaps about to get Relegated, get to know some before they disappear into the mist of footyball irrelevance.

  1. Real Monarchs SLC vs. Rio Grande Valley Toros – USL

#1 and Noob-reviled RM SLC host #14 Toros in the only Division One or Two match in ‘Muricuh today.  Noob will pull for the Toros since nothing royal/”real” belongs in here, but their odds don’t look good.  RGV’s goal differential is almost even, but they don’t have the offense to keep up with the league’s best side.

RESULT:   SLC   2-0

Image result for revolt against monarchy funny

 

 

Not on Noob’s watch.

B.  Italy vs. Netherlands – friendly

FIFA-ranked #20 visits #19 in a battle of two of the best teams not to qualify for World Cup late this month.  As the match is being played in Turin, Noob’s guess is they’ll console each other over fine glasses of Borolo.   (2:45 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Barolo letter B

 

 

 

Number B stands for “the king of wine, the wine of kings”.

  1. Parana Clube vs. Fluminense – Brazil Serie A

Fluminense is in 9th.  The top seven will qualify for the next Copa Libertadores, South America’s version of Champions League.  The season is still young, but this feels about right for “the tricolor”.

But it’s Parana in second-to-last which has our real attention on a Monday.  Bottom four will be Relegated.  They are one of two clubs yet to net a single win.  Three goals scored in eight games is not going to get it done.   (7:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Parana   2-1     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

  1. Hafnarfjordur vs. Keflavik – Iceland Urvalsfeild

Iceland’s top league is ranked just 35th in UEFA, sandwiched by Albania and Hungary.  The season here is even younger than in Brazil, but Keflavik have already taken over last place by going winless so far.  They’re no great shakes on D, but it’s their O that really lacks.  Hosts FH are #3.

Fun Fact:  Keflavik is named for a town that existed until 1994, when it merged with another to form Reykjanesbaer.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for keflavik

  1. Serbia vs. Chile – friendly

Chile is a top ten club in the world, yet failed to qualify for WC.  Noob’s thinking they’ll take it out on #35 Serbia, since that team is headed for Russia.  Serbia did notch a solid win against Nigeria in their most recent match.   (2:45 PM, beIN Sports En Español)

RESULT:   Chile   0-1

  1. 3 de Febrero vs. Luqueño – Paraguay Premier

3 de Febrero is going to be a Monday fixture this summer.  They were just promoted up from Division Intermedia this year, and they’re going right back down.  Points earned per game average in the table determines who gets The Boot, and 3dF average not much more than half as much as the next-worst team.

Yet this might be a chance for a W!  Their visitors are in third to last in the Relegation table.

Fun Fact:   Cuidad del Este – 3dF’s home city, is also home to a massive number of Lebanese immigrants.

RESULT:   Luqueño   0-2

Image result for ciudad de Este mosque

 

 

Umar Ibn Al Khattab mosque is the largest mosque in Paraguay (as of 2015 anyway).

  1. Barbados vs. Belize – friendly

As you might imagine, neither of these national teams are headed to World Cup.  But it’s fun to get to know teams close to home, and these two are both in CONCACAF.  Full disclosure though, it also catches Noob’s eye because his next-door neighbors are from Belize.

They’re FIFA-ranked #158 and #169, respectively.  Belize finished last in their Group in the last Copa Centroamericano.  Barbados has never qualified for a major international competition.

RESULT:   0-0     (game was played yesterday)

  1. Persipura Jayapura vs. PSM Makassar – Indonesia Liga 1

PSM are deadlocked with Barito Putera for #1 in the league, which only gets one AFC Champions League berth.  #4 Persipura actually have a higher goal differential than any of the teams ahead of them.

Only 9 points separate 1st and last in this slightly below-average Asian league.  The title race is tighter than Meg Ryan’s face.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Meg Ryan botox face

 

This feels mean, but let’s treat this as a PSA.

Botox.  Like with everything else in live, moderation is wise.

  1. Skjetten vs. Lillestrom II – Norway 3. Division

What could #10 be when #9 is a fourth-tier Norwegian match?  Hey, with so many of the “major” European leagues having concluded their seasons, Noob’s more than willing to dig as deeply as needed to find teams on the edge of getting kicked out of their leagues.

This league is divided into six divisions, presumably regionalized.  Four clubs will get Relegated and Skjetten is among those right now.  Their GD is really pretty ok, so they may flirt with climbing out of the Drop Zone.  More offense is they key for them.  Their guests today are in 3rd.

Fun Fact:   Skjetten the town had very bad gang problems for 15 years, until about 2007.  Just not something Noob thinks about with Norway.  

RESULT:   Skjetten   3-2       more Relegation Monday magic!

  1. Aragvi Dusheti vs. Bakhmaro – Georgia Liga III

Third division Georgian football?  You’re goldurn the-country-not-the-U.S.-state-right!  This country’s top-flight league is only ranked 45th of 55 in Europe.  These guys might not just be non-pros, they might have to pay to play.

The bottom half of this league are all marked as Relegation possibilities by one of Noob’s sources, so this has to be a Playoff situation when the time comes.  A.D. are in third-to-last.  Bakhmaro are #5, score nearly twice as much as their hosts.

Fun Fact:  Dusheti is the name of the currently existing town, while Aragvi is the name of the rebellious duchy that no longer exists in that same area.  They kept getting their butts kicked by the other Georgians.

RESULT:   Dusheti   3-1        a trifecta of Monday magnificence, another upset!

Image result for dusheti georgia

 

 

So long from the Ananuri Fortress, Dusheti, Georgia!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (5/28) – one lump of suckitude, or two?

With the World Cup well under a month away, get ready for an onslaught of national team-tuneups.  But don’t worry, Noobites!  Our Monday tradition of featuring teams about to be possibly Booted from their leagues still holds.

  1. U.S.A. vs. Bolivia – friendly

It’s not part of a tournament, and neither team is headed to the World Cup.  But it’s ‘Muricuh!

The teams are FIFA-ranked #24 and #57, respectively.  Not sure how much that will mean here.  Noob’s understanding is that a lot of young up-and-comers are going to get featured on the U.S. side.  Bolivia may well be doing similarly.  The match is yours at 6:30 PM, Eastern on FS1.

RESULT:   ‘Muricuh!   3-0

Image result for too patriotic

B.  Mexico vs. Wales – friendly

Now this is a World Cup tuneup for Mexico.  Wales was one of the stronger European teams to not qualify.  They are FIFA-ranked #15 and #21.   (9:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for letter B whale

 

Number B, the dragon is kind of the Welsh thing.  Not a whale

  1. Gaz Metan Medias vs. Juventus Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

For these two clubs, two matches to go in the Relegation Group in Romania. The bottom two will be auto-Booted.  #12 will get to play a Liga II team trying to displace them.

GMM are in 11th, one point up on Voluntari (who have played one more match already).  They’ve not lost in four consecutive matches, and beat J.B. 0-3 in their last meeting.  There’s no reason to think this one won’t play out much the same.  J.B. are awful, have last place sewn up already.

Fun Fact:   GMM are known as “the black wolves” and “the refinery workers”.  One is definitely cooler than the other, if more dangerous to have out on the pitch in a halftime show.

RESULTL:   GMM   3-0

  1. Poli Timisoara vs. Dinamo Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

Timisoara are in 13th, but could well still climb up to safety.  Hypothetically.  They’re only two points behind Voluntari.  Unfortunately for them, today they play the top team of this Group.  D.B. have won five straight matches, haven’t allowed a goal in the last four.

RESULT:   Dinamo   1-3

Image result for south park timmyFun Fact:   Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld are the halftime show for this match.

The Management:  No…

*bronx cheer*

  1. PSIS vs. Mitra Kukar – Indonesia Liga I

Welcome back, PSIS!   You’ve been featured here before.  Still in last place, Noob sees.  And only averaging one goal per match.  Ouch.  Mitra Kukar are maybe average.  PSIS could get a draw here, Noob suspects.

Fun Fact:   One of the PSIS main supporters groups is named “Snex”.  Which is totally going to mess with Noob’s Scrabble vocabulary.

RESULT:   PSIS   4-0     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!  They climb into second-to-last place.   (Bottom three finishers will be Demoted.)

Now for some mini-previews of international friendlies —

  1. France vs. Ireland – friendly

France rank #7 worldwide, expect to make the Knockout Stage of the World Cup.  Ireland did not qualify, are ranked #31.   (3:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   France   2-0

  1. Portugal vs. Tunisia – friendly

Both these teams made the WC.  Noob was surprised to discover how highly they’re both ranked, 4th and 14th.  Noob knew Tunisia was one of Africa’s best, but not that well-regarded.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Italy vs. Saudi Arabia – friendly

Saudi Arabia are the lowest team in the world to have qualified for Russia.  They’re ranked just 67th in the world.  20th-ranked Italy were one of the biggest surprises of the qualifying competition for WC, not getting in.

RESULT:   Italy   2-1

  1. Qabala vs. Kesla – Azerbaijan FA Cup

The Final!   Noob is surprised to not find runaway league-winner Qarabag in this match, but they got knocked out in the Quarterfinals.  League #B Qabala hosts below-average Kesla.  The visitors will do well to keep this within a goal even.

RESULT:   Kesla   0-1     Shocking!  Congrats!

  1. Botswana vs. Angola – COSAFA Cup

This is a tournament put on by the Council of Southern Africa Football Associations, being put on in South Africa.  13 nations are competing.  The strongest five teams have received byes into the Knockout Stage.

This one is a Group Stage match in Polokwane (Pietersberg), the first of three.  Angola carry the higher CAF ranking, but Botswana has already earned enough points to join them in the continental top-18 when next year’s come out.  This should be a very even matchup.

RESULT:   Botswana   2-1

Image result for Polokwane funny

 

 

 

So long from South Africa!

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (4/24-26) – bring us Champions Leagueness!

Time for Midweek Madness!   OK, Noob doesn’t really think there’s any more madness Tuesday-Thursday than any other time.  But chicks dig alliteration.  I’m sure of it.

Tuesday, 4/24

  1. Liverpool vs. AS Roma – UEFA Champions League

The Semifinals are here!  These two both surprised world soccer giants last round to advance.  This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Noobites, you can of course find all manner of highly-detailed previews on many sites.  Our purpose here is fun, learning/increased awareness, and packaged in zaniness many times.  But Noob will offer up one particular angle.

Footballdatabase.com appears to use the chess world’s ELO formula -or a modified version of it- to rate clubs.  I find it very accurate.  Today, these two rate as 1966 and 1872, respectively.  Think of, oh, borderline Grandmaster vs. very solid Expert.

So, based on evidence I’ve casually tracked since starting this site, Noob’s calling Liverpool not quite a 1.5 goal favorite today.  Take it to the bank!  (Of course, I don’t think soccer betting is run with point spreads, so maybe just stick it in an old mattress.)   (2:45 PM Eastern, FS 1)

RESULT:   Liverpool   5-2

Image result for elo rating formula

B.  Penn FC vs. Nashville FC – USL

Penn FC were Harrisburg City Islanders previously. This is not a new club, just a rebranding.  Nashville are an expansion club.

Penn did not win any of their first matches. Nashville is a .500 club so far, but Noob thinks they’ve been either lucky or gritty so far.   Penn gets their first W today.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for brand B

 

 

Gotta be honest, Number B.  Not the most creative rebranding there.

 

 

 

Deeper Dive:  any of the three Copa Libertadores matches, Bulgarian FA Cup semifinal, China FA Cup matches, or either League of Ireland (not FA) Cup match.

Wednesday, 4/25

  1. Guadalajara vs. Toronto FC – CONCACAF Champions League

The Final!  Guadalajara took the first league in Canadia 1-2.  Toronto can’t just win 0-1 today in order to tie things up.  They’d lose on the away-goals tiebreaker.

Toronto have had a miserable start to their MLS season.  They’re out of gas.  The Guad Squad is going to get to put on a show.  Rather than just sit on the ball and milk their lead, this feels to Noob like a 3-0 rout.   (9:30 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toronto 1-2 in regulation      But Guad wins the title 4-2 in pk’s.   Heartbreak for Toronto.  Guad should’ve been down a man to a red card much of the second half when one of their players punched a Toronto player right in the stomach, 10′ from a ref with a clear view.  Not even a foul called.

  1. Bayern Munich vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

Two +2000 Grandmaster clubs.  Noob might’ve thought the winner will be a heavy favorite to take the title.  But Bayern didn’t completely dominate a Sevilla team that they should’ve in the Quarters.  And Real nearly blew a big lead to Juventus.

Bayern have been scoring – at least in league play – like gangbusters.  Noob’s calling this one as 3-1 for the home side, as they can control the pace at home.   (2:45 PM, FS1, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Real   1-2

Image result for grandmaster flash

 

 

Grandmaster Flash carried an ELO rating of a billion.

  1. Boca Juniors vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League continues its group stage.  The top two finishers from each Group of four will advance.

Boca are Argentina’s #1-ranked entry into this event.  Palmeiras are the #3 from Brazil.  Yet Palmeiras are the ones leading this Group, and by two over their hosts today.  They’d take a draw in a heartbeat.

Boca will look to push and play for the win, get more distance in the table over Atletico Junior of Colombia.   (8:45 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

  1. FC Tokyo vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – J1 League

The league season is almost ten games in, yet Noob wonders if this is the first Track-worthy match we’ve seen from Japan.

Hiroshima finished near the bottom of the table last year.  Now?  They’ve not lost once. FC Tokyo finished low enough last year that Noob thought perhaps they’d just been promoted from J2.  Even at #B, they trail FCT by nine in the table.

RESULT:   Tokyo   3-1

Image result for sanfrecce mascot

 

 

Hiroshima’s mascots striking poses

  1. Zlin vs. Jablonec – Czech FA Cup

There are many FA Cups matches being played around Europe today.  The Czech Cup semifinal today pits two teams from the #13 league in Europe, the highest ranking represented this week.

Zlin are in 9th in the league this year.  Given their awful GD, Noob’s not sure how they’ve managed even that.  They’ll get all they can handle from their 6th-place guests.

Aaaand then the winner will get smooshed by Slavia Prague in the Final.    And then they’ll pee their pants, the end.

RESULT:   Jablonec   0-1

Deeper Dive:  #3 Ranheim vs. #1 Brann, Norway Eliteserien; #3 Maritzburg United vs. #1 Mamelodi Sundowns, South Africa Premier; #2 Suwon Bluewings vs. #3 Gyeongnam FC, South Korea K1 League; #4 Prachuap vs. #3 Chiangrai United, Thai 1 League; any China FA Cup matches, Brazil FA Cup Round of 16 matches, or FA Cup semis from Bulgaria, Cyprus, or Denmark

Thursday, 4/26

  1. Arsenal vs. Atletico Madrid – Europa League

UEFA’s secondary continental tournament has reached its Semifinals.  This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Arsenal better hope they get some sort of lift perhaps trying to win this thing as a tribute to now-departing manager Arsene Wenger, because Atletico is probably by far the strongest team remaining.  He’d been with the club over 20 years, but either gracefully stepped aside or was forced out less than a week ago.   (3:05 PM, FS1, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1     Atletico had a player and their manager kicked out 10 minutes into the match.  Arsenal still couldn’t take care of business.

Image result for arsene wenger sad face

  1. Lillestrom vs. Sarpsborg – Norway Super Cup

Super Cups usually happen right as the league season is beginning, pitting last year’s FA Cup champs against the defending league champs.  This one was delayed because of wintry conditions.  Shock me.

Lillestrom only finished 12th in league last year.  They qualified for this by beating Sarpsborg in the FA Cup final.  Sarpsurg has started a little slowly this season, but it’s very early.  Lillestrom – who host today – aren’t doing any better than in 2017.

RESULT:   Sarpsborg   0-1     Congrats!

  1. Al Ahly vs. El Zamalek – Egypt Premier

Noob ends the midweek Track honoring the champions of Africa’s #1 league.  With two matches to go, Al Ahly lead the next team up by a mind-boggling 21 points in the table.

Zamalek are in 3rd.  This is their final league match.  They can’t catch #B Ismaily for a Champions League berth, but they could themselves be passed by #4 Al Masry.  3rd place gets into the Confederations Cup, Africa’s version of Europa League.

RESULT:   Zamalek   1-2

Image result for mind boggling facts

 

OK, that’s mind-boggling

 

 

Deeper Dive:  any of the Copa Libertadores matches; Denmark’s FA Cup semifinal; #B Partizan vs. #4 Radnicki, Serbia Superliga, #3 Hapoel Katamon Jerusalem vs. #1 Hapoel Tel Aviv, Israel Leumit Liga (second-tier)

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (4/21) – MLS, UEFA leagues, bad Zlatan-wear

The ten most important matches for us, the newish American fans.  Things go from important to absolutely paramount in Europe when the seasons are hitting their climaxes.

Before we get to those – ‘Muricuh!

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Atlanta United – MLS

What a different a year can make!   The talk if the league is the Galaxy’s signing of international megastar striker Zlatan Ibrahimovich, but it’s actually their defense that has that #B in the West.

Atlanta United will test that defense.  They’re #3 in the tougher Eastern Conference.  The game kicks off 9:00 PM Eastern on NBA League Pass 6.

RESULT:   ATL   0-2

Image result for zlatan odd

 

 

Now that he’s in L.A., I guess he can stop wearing crazy lady’s gift sweater.

B.  Columbus Crew vs. New England Revolution – MLS

Your Major League Soccer undercard pits the #4 team in the East against #3.  The Revs have improved their defense after missing the playoffs last season.  They’d been on quite a roll until getting skunked at home by Dallas.

Columbus have been skunkier though, not scoring in consecutive matches and losing three straight.  But they’ve been creating chances, getting a little unlikely hitting wood repeatedly.  Noob strongly feels the Crew will right their ship today.   (7:30 PM, NBA League Pass 7)

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for letter B skunk

 

 

 

Number B, about to learn a hard lesson about skunkiness.

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Utah Royals – NWSL

The good news for expansion Utah – they’ve only allowed two goals in three matches.  The bad news – they’ve only scored once.  The worse news – they travel to defending regular season champions Courage today.   (3:30 PM, Lifetime)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Necaxa vs. UANL Tigres – Liga MX

Tigres are tied for 3rd with just three Clausura (second half-season) matches to go, but they have yet to secure a top-eight, postseason Liguilla spot.  Tigres are part of a three-way tie for 9th place, just a point shy of 8th.

Neither team gives up many goals.  If you like defense, this one is available to ogle at 10:00 PM on ESPN Deportes.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Mexican defense

 

 

The Mexican Hornet Defense.

Really, it’s called that.

  1. Manchester United vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – FA Cup

Noob-reviled, traitorously-named Hotspur face off against Man Utd in the Semifunal, at Wembley (neutral). Man U’s  slight edge on defense  should make them a winner today.  (12:15 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Man U   2-1

  1. Barcelona vs. Sevilla – Copa del Rey

It’s the Final!  Sevilla have had a tremendous run in Spain’s FA Cup, especially given that they’re only in 7th in La Liga.  That run ends today in Madrid, and won’t end well for them.  Barcelona have yet to lose a league match all year.  Barca by two feels right.   (3:30 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Barca   5-0

Image result for copa del rey trophy 2018

  1. RB Leipzig vs. 1899 Hoffenheim – Bundesliga

With four matches to go, that is also the number of points by which Leipzig trail 4th place Borussia Dortmund for the league’s last Champions League invite.  Hoffenheim (and Frankfurt) in turn only trail Leipzig by a point.

Leipzig are hardly falling apart, but Hoffenheim are peaking at the perfect time.  They’ve not lost in seven straight matches.  If they can push the ball today, a pivotal road win should be in their grasp.   (9:30 AM, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   2-5     Hoffenheim move into 5th

  1. SPAL 2013 vs. AS Roma – Serie A

Roma, Lazio, and Inter – one’s not going to Champions League.  The race for the last two of the four CL slot Italy is tight and then some.  Roma and Lazio are tied, with Inter lurking just a point behind.

SPAL are only one slot above the Relegation Zone, so they are not without a reason to fight.  They can’t score in general, and they’re unlikely to against defensive juggernaut Roma.   (9:00 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:  Roma 0-3

Image result for SPAL meme

 

 

Meaning?  No clue.

Terrified?  You betcha.

  1. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Vorskla – Ukraine Premier

This the #8 league in Europe, a real rising power, getting two CL berths this year.  They’ve replaced Poland as Noob’s under-the-radar league to watch.

Shakhtar are the goal-scoring giant here.  Vorskla are in 3rd, and have overachieved in getting there.  They won’t score today, get run roughshod over.

RESULT:   S.D.   4-2

  1. Phoenix Rising vs. Swope Park Rangers – USL

Noob loves him some second-tier footyball.  On the weekend, though, usually their matches give way to top-flight leagues.  I’d scouted a sweet UAE match with which to finish today’s Track, but Al Nasr has since fallen out of the top quarter of their league table.  Denied!

These both made the playoffs last year.  Just a handful of games into this season, they’re in position again.  That said, Rangers appear to have fallen off defensively.  A lot.  Noobstradamus says Phoenix’s offensive will finally break out, net them a 3-1 win today.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

Phoenix Rising are about to get hot.  But it’ll be a dry heat.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches- Weekend Edition – Premier League, MLS, all the finest

The ten most important matches for the newish North American fan to follow.  Our quest is noble.

  1. Chicago Fire vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

The Fire placed 3rd in the Eastern Division last season, and unless team make-up has changed a lot, they will play things wiiiiiide open.  KC finished 5th in the weaker Western.

The Management has strong KC ties.   Noob has yet to decide if he will openly root against The Management’s teams on principle, cheer along with him (Unlikely!), or modestly heckle.  For today, I’ll just say this:  If Chicago score first, KC will get routed.  (6:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   3-4    KC     (KC scored first)

Image result for heckling meme

 

 

Apparently, Noob’s late to this party.

B.  Tigres UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

Noob loves Liga MX more and more each passing day.  They play about the same number of games as other premier leagues (34), but when the season is divided into two separate halves, every game means so much more.

They’re 10 games into the Clausura (second half-season), and things are tight as a tick in the table.  Only eight points separate 1st from 13th.  These two are 5th and 7th.  Top eight will get to play in the postseason Liguilla.

The hosts have some trouble on the defensive side of things, but that makes this a good matchup for them.  Tijuana apparently just like to kick the ball as high as they can all game long.  Only 16 goals have been scored in their 10 matches.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes, Univision)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

Image result for mexican letter B

 

 

Number B is so ready.

  1. Manchester United vs. Liverpool – English Premier

At #B and #3, both these clubs are looking safe for a top four-finish and invites to the Champions League.  Man Utd. like a lower-scoring game, at least compared to other top clubs.  Noob looks for 1-0 Red Devils win.

RESULT:   Man Utd.    2-1

  1. Sevilla vs. Valencia – La Liga

Spain’s top-flight league gets four Champions League invites, and Valencia seem set for that 4th.  They’re six points up on 5th-place Sevilla.  They need more than a draw.  Anything but a win and they’ll for certain be settling for Europa League.

RESULT:   Valencia   0-2

Image result for sevilla fc meme

 

 

 

Layers of confusion.

 

 

Sunday, 3/11

  1. Atlanta United vs. D.C. United – MLS

What a treeee-mendous first season Atlanta had!   4th place in the brutally tough East.  Pretty much filling up the lower bowl at the NFL Falcons’ home stadium.  Just think where they might be in a few years.

Hopefully someplace good.  Unlike long-timers D.C. United.  They crapped the bed to a dismal last-place finish.   (3:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   Atlanta   3-1     The Capitol-crapping continues

  1. Borussia Dortmund vs. Eintracht Frankfurt – Bundesliga

Likely the most important game on the globe this weekend.  League titles mean a lot, but those seem to be decided for most of the big Euro leagues.  Getting to Champions League is what counts.

These two are tied for 3rd, and three more teams lurk no more than three points behind them.  American superstar Christian Pulisic and Dortmond will be looking to make this a battle of offense today.  Frankfurt won’t be able to keep up.   (1:00 PM, FS2, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Dortmund   3-2      High drama!  Frankfurt gets the equalizer a minute into stoppage time, then Dortmund gets the winner at 90+5.

Image result for christian pulisic funny

 

 

They grow up SO fast!

  1. Inter Milan vs. Napoli – Serie A

If the above is most important, it’s #7 here giving them a run.

Napoli lead the Italian league by a point, but they’ve also played one more game than #B Juventus.  Inter are just one point behind Lazio for the league’s last Champions League berth.  They play the same defense, but Napoli score half again as often.   (3:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Rangers vs. Celtic – Scottish Premiership

The sand is running out of the glass on Rangers.  They’re just six points behind Celtic for 1st (and the league’s only C.L. spot), but few other teams have the capability to beat Celtic.  They’ll only face off one more time after today.  Realistically, Rangers have to have a win and three points here.

RESULT:   2-3   Celtic

Image result for great scottish food

 

 

 

Wait, those can’t be Scottish.  They look edible.

  1. Jorge WIlstermann vs. Bolivar – Bolivia Premier

This is the Apertura (first half-season), and oh my have they changed formats.  While the Clausura will still be played under a more typical round-robin system, right now they league is split into two groups of seven.  The top four from each group will advance to a Knockout tournament.

Aaaaanyway.  These two are tied for 1st in their Group.

RESULT:   JW   4-2

  1. PAOK vs. AEK Athens – Superleague Greece

#2 hosts #1!   Just what’s needed – added pressure.  PAOK fans will fight just about anywhere, anytime as is.  The club has already had two points in the table deducted for hooligan fans.  They’re five behind AEK.

RESULT:   0-0      Best of all, Noob heard of no fan maimings

Image result for paok hooligans

Actual photo from fighting before a PAOK-AEK game.   

We should NEVER have sent Greece those Karate Kid VHS tapes.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday, 3/4 – Welcome, LAFC

No time for dawdling, the ten most important soccer matches to follow for the newish American fan await us, Noobites!

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. New York City FC – MLS

Last year’s Western Conference #5 and a The Management fave hosts the Eastern’s #2.

Noob will refrain from rooting against KC just to spite The Management.  For now.  It’s a gesture of good will with which to start the season.  (7:30 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   0-2   NYCFC

Image result for truce funny

B.  Seattle Sounders vs. Los Angeles FC – MLS

Welcome, new MLS club!   Seattle – fie on you, and you know why.  Less-tenured Noobites can search back to learn about the douchebag fan/TA first soccer fan I ever knew.  Actually, I guess that is the story.  (5:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   0-1   LAFC

Image result for B is for

 

 

Number B welcomes you to the soccer family, baby LAFC.

  1. Manchester City vs. Chelsea – English Premier

The new league champs host last year’s.  Chelsea wear the sadpants, as it’s looking likely that won’t even make top four and next year’s Champions League.  Noob hopes they can catch fire starting here, pass 4th place, traitorously-named Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur.  (11:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Man City   1-0

  1. Toluca vs. Pachuca – Liga MX

Tied for 6th hosts tied for 10th in a table so tight, the ordinal rankings just don’t matter yet.   Pachuca tends to play more wide open than most sides, so if Toluca can score first, this could turn into a rout.

In fact, Noobstradamus sees it just that way, 4-1 for the host Sausagers.  (1:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-1

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

Sausage can be conjugated that way?

Not even I saw that coming.

  1. Barcelona vs. Atletico Madrid – La Liga

Barcelona have yet to lose on the season.  A win today against #B Atletico – with just one loss of their own – likely salts the title away.  They play the league’s best defense, but Barcelona’s an absolute monster with the ball.  (10:15 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Barcelona   1-0

  1. Montpelier vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

These two faced off less than a month ago in the Coupe de France.  Montpelier lost 1-2 at home then.  Will history repeat itself?

Lyon is in 4th, five points behind Marseilles for the third and final Champions League berth.  Montpelier are tied for 6th, trying to catch Rennes for the last Europa League slot.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for history repeats itself meme

 

 

 

 

History repeating itself

  1. AC Milan vs. Inter Milan – Serie A

Welcome back to the most interesting league race going.  Inter Milan were yesterday pushed out of the top four and a Champions League berth.  Today they’ll pull even on games played, but need a win to jump back up a spot in the table.

AC Milan are tied for 6th, but out of Europa League qualification based on tiebreaking goal differential.  They don’t have the defense to be great this year.  Noob smells a road win for “The Big Grass Snake”.

RESULT:   ppd

  1. Lokamotiv Moscow vs. Spartak Moscow – Russian Premier

#1 hosts #5, but with win a win Spartak would climb all the way up to #B.  Unlikely.  There’s a serious gap in defensive capability between them and the real powers of the league.

This is now the 6th-ranked league in European play.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for poor defense soccer funny

 

 

 

Defense.  You’re doing it wrong.

  1. Legia Warsaw vs. Lech Poznan – Poland Ekstraklasa

The regular season title is up for grabs as #1 hosts #3 in Europe’s 20th-ranked league.  Poznan sports the best goal differential in the league, so should give the league leaders a tough fight.

RESULT:   Warsaw   2-1

  1. Sanarate vs. Antigua Guatemala – Guatemala National League

Antigua was the Apertura (first half season) champs and are on top again now in the Clausura.

Sanrate has seen massive improvement.  They only finished 9th,  but are now tied for #B.  They scored 14 and gave up 22 goals before.  That line is now 14-8.  Still. Noob thinks they’d be pleased with a draw today, even being at home.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for pleased funny

 

 

Wait, can you say that?  That feels wrong.