Tag: FIFA

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (6/19-21) – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup lead the way

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  Noob’s mantra.  It’s mostly Cup action for the midweek, FIFA World and Isle of Sodor.

Noob’s on a whirlwind tour of Sodor, hustling from one village or town to the next each day for matches as I continue my seemingly exclusive online coverage.  To this end, I’m posting just the two feature matches for Tuesday from here in Glennock, even though the train ride to Crovan’s Gate for tomorrow’s key game isn’t long, even by Sodor standards.

Tuesday

  1. Colombia vs. Japan – FIFA World Cup

Welcome to Group G.  All four teams here play their first match today.  Favorite Poland face off against Senegal.  #16 FIFA-ranked Colombia is likely to be the other one to advance.  Japan are just #61 in the world.

Colombia seem an interesting case.  In the last friendlies before a major event, teams begin letting their likely starters play together.  No more auditions, so to speak.  They actually beat France not long ago, but then only managed scoreless draws against Tunisia and Australia leading up to WC.

Lowly Japan actually managed a win against a decent non-Cup-Bound Paraguay side in their last match.  They haven’t tested themselves against the caliber of competition they’ll face here in Russia, and they didn’t perform well even against those teams by and large.

And there’s your water cooler chat-level mini-preview!   Now go, be free!  Dig deeper on the interwebs for more in-depth pre-game analysis.  Noob will.  But this is what we do here.   (8:00 AM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   Japan   1-2     But anything is possible when one team is down a man after just three minutes!   Colombia lost a man to a red card for a handball in the box.  Japan scored the ensuing penalty, gave up the lead, then reclaimed it in the second half.  

Senegal also upset Poland 1-2 today in this Group, so it’s going to be a wild one!

Image result for water cooler chat funny

B.  Crovan’s Gate vs. Brendam United – Isle of Sodor Premier

Welcome back to Group A.  One of the event’s favorites – Brendam Utd. lost by a bad 0-3 margin, even if it was to fellow future IoS Premier Leaguers Tidmouth Works.  We’ll see if that was a wake-up call and they put a hurting on Crovan’s Gate.

CG only lost their first Cup match by two, but it was to Toryreck – a qualifier that will be in the bottom division when leagues’ officially form and kick off in a few months.  And CG gave up five goals.  They’ll be playing in the middle of three domestic divisions.

Image result for Crovan's gate

 

 

Here Noob comes!

 

 

Wednesday

  1. Iran vs. Spain – FIFA World Cup

Portugal and Spain played a match for the ages a few days ago, ending in a 3-3 draw.  Spain will be looking for three points here against the second-highest ranked Asian team (but FIFA-ranked just #37).  Iran got a surprising 1-0 win over Morocco.  Even a draw somehow today keeps them very much alive to advance.

This is an interesting matchup for a couple reasons style- and player-wise.   Diego Costa scored two goals for Spain against Portugal, but may not have room to operate against Iran – a tight defensively-oriented side.  A more creative player like Isco may be one to watch setting up unique opportunities in the front third.

Spain showed some defensive problems in that first match.  Some will argue that might help Iran.  But Iran is going to have trouble possessing the ball at all to try and score as Spain presses.

And there you have it, Noobites!  Water cooler chat-level mini-preview success.  Now go, be free!  Noob is out there reading more in-depth preview analysis and invites you to do likewise.   (2:00 PM, Fox)

RESULT:   Spain   0-1      Isco was your Man of the Match with his ball control, passing

  1. LAFC vs. Sacramento Republic – U.S. Open Cup

The second four matches of the Round of 16 in America’s FA Cup are all today.  This is the one that features the only non-MLS side remaining.

Sacramento Republic are out of the second division-USL.  They finished 8th in the Western Conference last year, just making the playoffs.  This season, they’re in a surprising third place– despite some offensive trouble.

MLS-expansion LAFC is all the way up in 3rd as well in their West.    They struggle on defense, but score like it’s going out of style.  It’s unfortunate for Sacramento the draw for home pitch didn’t go their way.  This may not be competitive.  But everyone loves a Minnow (non-top division underdog), so Noob’ll be pulling for ‘em!

RESULT:   LAFC   3-2     High drama!   Equalizer at 68′, then the go-ahead by aptly-named Latif Blessing at 89′.

Image result for minnow love

 

 

 

Boooooo.  BOOOOO!

  1. Vicarstown vs. Peel Godred – Isle of Sodor Cup

Hello from Barrow, England!  Look, Noob enjoys Vicarstown the town, but somehow being in Barrow just makes me feel more… real, somehow.  Grounded?  Maybe.  But I’ll be crossing the bridge from Cumbria to The Isle for this super duper Group H matchup!

Group favorite Peel scored a narrow victory over future-second division club Callan FC 2-1.  Now they hit the road to face Vicarstown, a team that is expected to finish at the bottom of the coming Premier League.  They were upset 1-2 at Elsbridge in their first match.

Given that the nature of football play on Sodor has been so loosely organized, it’s hard to handicap games here.  Things will be clearer after a couple years of formal league play, which starts in a few months.  They don’t formally gamble on Sodor, but Noob did throw down a few quid on V-town just because it’s home for them.  Another advantage to sleeping on the English side of Walney Channel.

RESULT:   Vicarstown   5-1          And just like an Iranian fan’s wallet did the fire-trick which he used to try and light a cigarette at his teams World Cup match against Argentina today, a women’s whole purse went up when in a similar incident outside the venue.  High drama!

  1. O’Higgins vs. Colchagua – Copa Chile

Now here’s a Minnow-match!

This is the Second Round of Chile’s FA Cup, the stage at which the 16 Premier teams enter the competition.  O’Higgins is a midtable club from that league.

Colchagua plays in the Segunda Division – the third tier of football in Chile – where they are #B in the table.  These two are from the same geographic area and are very much rivals.   The first match of this two-legged tie ended in a 1-1 draw.  Expecting Colchagua to manage as much and more on the road today is a lot.  But here’s to hoping!

RESULT:   Colchagua   0-0  /  5-6 pk      Somehow Noob had some wrong info on this one.  The first match had ended in a scoreless draw.  Still — Minnow success!

Image result for colchagua football crest

 

 

Uh oh.

Don’t let the luck run out of that horseshoe, boys.

  1. KuPS vs. HJK – Finland Veikkausliga

The Finnish top flight is the lowest-ranked of the Nordic domestic leagues.  But hey– they’re playing!

When Noob first scouted and selected this match, it was a mighty #B/#1 matchup.  Since then, RoPS have overtaken KuPS for Bth place (boy do the Finns love their alphabet soup).  No matter.  Everyone is chasing defending champs HJK again this season.

KuPS lead the league in offense, but barely over HJK – which has the far superior defense.   If the pace is hot, KuPS can win a shootout today in front of the home fans.

RESULT:   2-2

Thursday

  1. Argentina vs. Croatia – FIFA World Cup

One of the bigger stories early on has been that Iceland managed a draw against Argentina in their first match.  The good news for Argentina:  They dominated Iceland statistically.  The bad news:  This continues a trend of not performing well in recent months against WC-level competition.  Friendlies are only that, but patterns are hard to ignore.  The #5-ranked team in the world should be doing better.

Croatia took care of business against Nigeria with a 2-0 win in their first game.  Any result here puts them in excellent position to advance.  Look for them to try and keep the game slow-paced.

Key players:  If you’re following football at all, you know Messi.  Even Noob and Noobites.  Veteran Luka Modric (who plays for Real Madrid) is the name to watch for with Croatia.  He plays midfield.

Additional note:  Croatia sent a team member home after he refused to come on as a sub in their first match.  Not the biggest controversy, but any distraction can obviously get magnified at World Cup.

RESULT:   Croatia   0-3    Argentina may be about to be out of contention to advance!   Modric salted this one away with a screamer from above the box to make it 0-2.  

The first goal happened when back-up goalkeeper Cabellero failed to clear a back pass, instead lofting a little pass, basically, to an opposing player who howled it in.

Image result for go to your room funny

Noob hopes this is exactly how that played out.

  1. Colo-Colo vs. Atletico Ñublense – Copa Chile

Not to make it about Noob, but if you don’t think I’m not rooting for Ñublense forever and ever just because of their club name pronunciation, you’re cray-cray.

More, they stunned the famed powerhouse Primera club 2-0 in the first match of this two-legged tie!    The Longaniza Mecánica are currently in 4th place in the second-tier Primera B.  The other teams right around them look stronger there (they struggle a bit on offense), making their progress in the Copa all the more awesome.

Colo-Colo have also had problems scoring goals in league this season.  The defending champions are in just 6th.  Still, they’re in different leagues for a reason.  Colo-Colo will win at home today.  The question is simply will they win by enough to advance to the bracketed stage next.

RESULT:    Colo Colo   2-1      And so it’s Noob-lense that advances, on aggregate 2-3!

  1. Norramby vs. Cabalnoo – Isle of Sodor Cup

Noob loves Norramby.  Reminds me of Bournemouth, which is a Noob-fave club.  Little resort town of sorts.  They’ll be playing in the inaugural second division of the three formally starting next year on Sodor.

Cablalnoo is a small village, pretty close to far larger Kirk Ronan.  They will play in the bottom division, played through qualifiers to get here.  They got a surprising 5-5 draw against their larger rivals in their first match!  Norramby played Dryaw to a scoreless draw.  They don’t play a lot of defense on Sodor, so this is the anti-double rainbow of footyball happenings here.

So, Group B is wide open.  Can little ‘Noo surprise with another result today?

RESULT:   Cabalnoo   5-10    A Sudric suprise for the soccer ages!   Norramby really need the two middle teams in Group B to have a draw in their upcoming match.

Image result for isle of man cafe

 

 

 

So long from the IsleSound Cafe, Norramby!  

 

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday soccer matches – World Cup, US Open, Isle of Sodor, and suckitude!

Since the FIFA World Cup is likely bringing fresh Noobite eyes to this humble site, allow Nob to explain:

On Mondays, world soccer schedules tend to be lighter than other times.  Stands to reason, given the weekend is heavy.  So the usual ‘ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – takes this turn:

A few top matches get featured, but we mostly embrace the suckitude, preview matches in which at least one club is in position to be Relegated to a lower league st season’s end.  Come, get to know some sad sack-squads before they fade away!

  1. Tunisia vs. England – FIFA World Cup

Welcome to Group G.  These two have been drawn with Belgium (the favorites) and Panama (very not favored).  This is the first match for these teams.  Reminder:  Round-robin in each Group, top two finishers advance.

The most likely drama in G is between these two for finishing behind Belgium and advancing to the Knockout Stage.  Tunisia is the top-ranked team out of Africa (FIFA #21).  England are tied for 12th with Denmark.

England have not won the World Cup since 1966, always seem to feel lots of pressure and then underperform in major tournaments.  This team isn’t as star-studded as some of the past, as they focus on a youth movement and defense.  What offense they do manage to produce will probably run through  Tottenham  Sir Toppem Hatt Hotspur star Harry Kane.  (Yes, Noob still loathes Hotspur — named for a historical traitor!)  Other star Marcus Rashford seems to be over his recent injury.

And there you have it, you’re water cooler chat-level mini-preview.  Be free!   Go search out more in-depth coverage should you desire, Noobites.  I’m doing so.   (2:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   England   1-2    Harry Kane with a brace (two goals)!

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You’re a poor man’s Ryan Gosling, Harry Kane.

 B.  Houston Dynamo vs. Minnesota United – U.S. Open Cup

The American FA Cup has reached its Round of 16.  Only one non-MLS team advanced this far, Sacramento Republic of the USL (and formerly NASL).

Here, we get two Western Conference clubs on the outside looking in right now for league postseason berths.  They’re in 7th and 9th place, respectively.  Dreaded Houston (down with cities built on swamps!) is much better than shown in the table so far though.  Mark Noob’s words:  They’ll not only make the playoffs, they’ll have home pitch advantage for at least one game.

Minnesota can’t score worth a lick.  They will be lambasted this Round of the Cup.

RESULT:   Houston   1-0

Image result for letter B cup

 

 

 

Number B enjoys the Cup matches as a cup, of sorts.

  1. Glennock vs. Junction & Sheds – Isle of Sodor Cup

Noob’s exclusive coverage of the Isle of Sodor inaugural Cup returns!  Hello from the small village of Glennock, located well inland in the east-central portion of the country.  They are one of the four clubs to advance out of qualifiers that took place in the spring.  They will play in the third and bottom division of the Sodor football pyramid when everything launches this coming season.

The larger town of Knapford sends one of their two teams for battle today.  Talk Noob catches locally indicates J&S will probably be a lower midtable team in the coming Premier League.  They are the favorites to win Group F.

RESULT:   J&S   1-8     Kary Hanesworth scored for Glennock scored first, but after that it was all carnage

  1. Dinamo Minsk vs. Vitebsk – Belarus Premier

Belarus’ top league falls smack into the middle of UEFA’s associations rankings.  Usual powerhouse BATE Borisov have a wide lead built, given that they’re not halfway through their season.

The most likely club to possibly catch them appears to be #B Dinamo Minsk.  They’ve got the defense, but no one’s offense there measures up to BATE’s.  #4 Vitebsk isn’t many points further back, but they’re just not traditionally at the table’s top.

RESULT:   1-1

And now we embrace the suckitude with Relegation matches!

Image result for Dinamo Minsk

 

 

Noob likes the crest, even if it does look like could be a brand logo on ice cream or something.

  1. Gomel vs. Smolevichy – Belarus Premier

Welcome back to the Track, Smolevichy!  They’re in an easier part of their schedule, as Noob recently featured them on a Monday playing another league bottom-feeder.

Talkin’ ‘bout you, Gomel.  Can’t score more than about a goal every three games on average, gonna get Relegated.  They’re in a three-way tie for the two Relegation spots now.  Still, this might be a gettable match for them.  Smolevichy plays small ball, so to speak, so this will be a low-scoring game.  First side to score – at all – wins.

Not-So-Fun Fact:  Gomel is close enough to Chernobyl that it was part of the radiation zone.  The population had been declining all the way until the early 2000’s.

RESULT:   Smoley   0-2

  1. Kyzylzhar Petropavlovsk vs. Shakhtar Karagandy – Kazakhstan Premier

My Scrabble dictionary just broke up with me for typing your club name.  Thanks, K.P.

The home side is tied for 10th, which would put them in a Playoff with a top second-division team trying to move up and usurp their place.  They also play so little defense, Noob’s not convinced they formally play a goalie.  Karagandy is in 8th.

Fun Fact:  Petropavl is named for the Christian apostles Peter and Paul

RESULT:   K.P.   1-0     Funner Fact:   It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

Image result for angry book

 

 

Fine, Noob will just rebound with a Bartlett’s Book of Quotations.

  1. Independiente de Valle vs. Deportivo Cuenca – Ecuador Serie A

8th place hosts second-to-last in our one South American stop today.  IdV is only 8th, but Cuenca…. maybe they could pool their money with Karagandy above and split a goalie’s services.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   IdV   3-1

  1. Notre Dame vs. BDF – Barbados Premier

When Noob Tweets his regular announcement promoting the Track, if you don’t think I’m not hashtagging Notre Dame, you’re crazy.

The top tier league in Barbados just expanded this season from a ten-team, single group affair to a divided, two-“zone”, 12-team league.   Noobs Barbados source indicates that the bottom two teams in each Zone are below a line.  It seems doubtful they’re giving a third of the league The Boot, so more likely is that the four clubs will have a mini-tournament to determine which one or two move down

If Notre Dame can kick their offense up a notch, they may overtake one of the two teams just ahead of them.  That won’t happen today though.  BDF is the Zone 2 leader by a billion miles.  Noob would handicap this match by granting ND four goals.

RESULT:   BDF   0-6     Not a typo.   At four goals, Noob didn’t handicap Notre Dame enough.  Yikes.

Fun Fact:   Notre Dame play on the south side of the capital, Bridgetown – which used to be called The Town of St. Michael.  The area parish still carries that name.

Image result for Notre Dame university funny

 

 

 

 

Right, what she said.  Signed.  Whatever.

  1. Zakho vs. Naft – Iraq Premier

This is to Mondays in a row, Zakho.  In last by six points, Noob suspects you’ll be here enough I have to charge you rent.  Worse luck, you play the #4 and best defensive team in the league today.  Good luck with that.

Fun Fact:   “Zakho” might well mean either “victory” or “river of blood”, either likely stemming from an ancient Roman-Persian battle there.

RESULT:   Naft   0-2

  1. Shukura vs. WIT Georgia – Georgia Erovnuli Liga 2

Hey, Noob’s featured the third tier TWICE.  This is a step up in, er, toward relevance.

This league is strange.  Other than second-place Norchi Dinamo, every team here looks about the same on offense, statistically.  Last-place Shukura, however, seemingly enjoys just watching balls flutter by into their goal.  Only one team gets Dropped from this league at season’s end, and Shukura look like it by a wide berth.  #1 WIT Georgia will get the road W, riding their supreme defense.

Fun Fact:   Shukura are based in Kobuleti, a seaside resort town that’s super-popular with Armenian tourists.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Kobuleti beautiful

 

 

Were Noob not in Sodor, I’d be saying so long from Hotel Chveni Ezo in Kobleti.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (6/15) – give Noobites more World Cup, Isle of Sodor footyball!

TGIGF!  “The ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow.”  Noob hopes the advent if the World Cup has brought many new patrons so that you can learn some fun stuff about the game, its leagues and such.

There are three World Cup matches today, and it goes without saying that all are “more important” than anything else going on in the football-world.  Noob plans on just previewing one each day early on, with priority given to CONCACAF, top-ranked Euro, South American, and other world teams, in that order.

Noob will continue to spend much of this space on top matches from other domestic leagues and cup tournaments, if for no other reason than to be different from the myriad of other soccer coverage out there.

  1. Portugal vs Spain – FIFA World Cup

#4 versus #10 FIFA-ranked teams in the world face off here.  These two are expected to advance as the top finishers in this Group, and easily.  The question will be who actually wins the Group, which will matter for Knockout Round seeding.

Ronaldo for Portugal and Silva for Spain are the two biggest stars playing today in a match bursting with them.  Also, and strangely – Spain fired their undefeated head coach two days ago.  What the fruit?

There.  Just enough to get you through water cooler-level chat.  Noob knows more in-depth coverage is out there.  I’ll be checking it out and learning myself!

RESULT:   3-3        A match for the ages!   Ronaldo with all three goals for Spain and Diego Costa with a pair for Portugal.

Image result for water cooler chat funny

B.  Castle Rolf vs. Suddery – Isle of Sodor Premier Cup

Three matches today in the IOS Cup.  This is the best one, as two Group E teams from the Premier League clash.  Castle Rolf finished 5th in the last PL table.  Suddery has an uncharacteristically poor year, sliding to 9th.

Castle Rolf have the closest thing to a good defense on Sodor.  They gave up just 1.1 goals per match  last season.  Suddery seemed to be victims of bad luck, leading the league in shots that hit woodwork by a wide margin (39!)

RESULT:   4-4

Image result for Rowlf muppets

 

Wrong.  Rolf.

At least Noob assumes so.  Sodor is an odd place…

3.  Cobresal vs. CD Everton – Copa Chile

It’s the Second Round in Chile’s FA Cup and 32 teams remain.  This match should be a doozie.  Cobresal are the top performer this year in the country’s second division.  C.D. Everton are in dead last in the Primera Division.

The first match of this two-legged tie at C.D.E. ended in a scoreless draw.  Noob still thinks Cobresal will be over-performing if they keep this one a draw again and force penalty kicks.  They’re in different leagues for a reason, plain and simple.

Fun Fact:  El Salvador, Actama, Chile is more mining camp than anything else, where Cobresal are from.

RESULT:   Cobresal   1-1  /  4-5 pk

  1. Ventsplis vs. Spartaks – Latvian Higher League

Welcome to the 41st-ranked league (of 54) in Europe.  Impressive?  Perhaps not.  But as Noob is taking to saying this time of year – hey, they’re playing!

These two are #B and #3 in this eight-team league.  They’re pretty even statistically.  RFS is the class and goal-scoring machine of this league.

RESULT:   Spartaks   1-2

FK Ventspils.png

 

 

Ventsplis’ crest is solid enough, yet would look even better as a key chain.

  1. Plavinas DM vs. Auda – Latvia Cup

Let’s double dip in Lativia!  Second Round action, 32 teams remain.  Unlike in Chile, this tournament is Knockout – one match and done.

Noob doesn’t have a lot to add for this one; just know that it’s happening.  Plavinas DM are a third-tier team, but I have no idea of what quality.  Auda are a second-division side, 8th place.

Fun Fact:  On Mythbusters, the idea that double-dipping a chip into dip spread as much bacteria as just sticking one’s whole mouth in the dip was debunked.

RESULT:   Auda   1-9    not a typo

  1. Brittons Hill vs. Weymouth Wales – Barbados Premier

This league is divided into what they label “zones”, as opposed to divisions.  These two are 1st and 3rd in one of them.

Each zone this year has one team absolutely laying waste to the rest.  Weymouth Wales is one of those.  They’ve outscored teams this year by a ridiculous 36-5 margin.  They’ll be playing Barbados Defence Force from the other zone for the league title eventually.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for 2018 Brittons Hill FC

 

 

The best players in Barbados can shoot Spidey-webs..

  1. APR vs. Rayon Sports – Rwanda National League

Rwandan top-flight teams have done just enough to move into the CAF rankings for next year, moving into a tie for 26th.  Hey, they’re playing!

APR are #B and part of a two-team race for this league’s title and CAF Champions League berth.  Rayon Sports are just a spot back, but seven points behind them and the season is over two dozen matches in.  Apr are better on both sides of the ball, if not by leaps and bounds.  This is a key home match to not blow if they want to keep pace with AS Kigali.

Fun Fact:  APR stands for Armée Patriotique Rwandaise (FC)

RESULT:   APR   2-1

  1. Sporting de Cabinda vs. Kabuscorp – Angola Girabola

Angola’s top league climbed to #13 in this year’s continental rankings – just one spot shy of earning themselves a second CAF Champions League berth.

Kabuscorp are in a three-way tie for 1st place.  Noob read somewhere that this club had been penalized table points for financial naughtinesses, but such is not reflected in the table out there Noob most trusts.

Kabuscorp is the offensive terror of the league.  This is a bad matchup for mid-table SdC, as they have trouble scoring.

RESULT:     now slated for tomorrow

Cabinda (red), exclave of Angola

 

 

 

That shaded area is the exclave province of Cabinda, separated from the country by DR Congo territory.

  1. Cheng Fung vs. Alfandega – Macao Premier

This is the 33rd-ranked league in Asia, of 46 associations.  The real battle in this one will be between #B and 3rd place.  Cheng Fung is in 4th.  Today is a day they can start to make a move on placing, Alfandega are last place with just one win and no draws in 15 matches.

Noob handicaps this match at +5 goals.  Alfandega have only scored 5 all year while allowing a staggering 79.

Fun Fact:  That’s a really, really bad goal differential.

RESULT:   Cheng Fung   1-0     Everybody have fun tonight.  Everybody Cheng Fung.

  1. Guarani vs. Sao Bento – Brazil Serie B

10th versus 6th doesn’t sound like much, but the top four get promoted to Serie A at season’s end.  Sao Bento haven’t shown yet that they have offense to compete with the top contenders here.  These need to pick up evenly-matched road games like these to hope to make the climb.

Fun Fact:  Sao Bento’s club was founded by horse tack manufacture employees.

RESULT:   0-0

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So long from Cateye-witness News newscat and me.  Sorocaba, Sao Bento, Brazil.  Signing off.

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday soccer matches – plus World Cup schtuff

It’s Monday, embrace the suckitude!

We start with some World Cup matches, then feature our traditional Monday Relegation games.  And Noob’s had fun delving deep  into league scheds around the globe to make sure today is chock full of matchups involving teams about to get the Boot.  Let us ogle and celebrate them!

  1. Iceland vs. Slovenia – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

Reminder:  Seven Group of five.  Only the top finisher in each automatically qualifies for World Cup.  The top four in the #B finishers’ table will have a playoff for one final WC berth.

FIFA #19 Iceland trail Germany by just two points for 1st place, and they’ve played one less match.  Czech Republic – six points behind Iceland – are the only other team that could still crack the top two.  #62 Slovenia is eliminated, as are Faroe Islands.  The latter have yet to score in this event and have given up 41 goals.  Mommy.

Noobstradamus is back in action, prognosticating for YOU.  Iceland 4-0 in an utter rout.   Find your bookies, Noobites!  Cash on the barrelhead.

RESULT:   Iceland   2-0

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When sports gambling is legal in every U.S. state, I’m winning a bazillion dollars, buying this website, and dancing around the flames I set to it.

B.  Belgium vs. Costa Rica – friendly

Belgium is the third-ranked men’s national team in the world, a quiet dark horse to make a deep run at World Cup.  They’ve kept four clean sheets in a row.  But all their friendlies going back to October have been at home.  And they have the occasional weird hiccup, like letting Bosnia & Herzegovina and Mexico score three times each.

#23 Costa Rica needs some success heading into Russia.  They’re only wins in recent are against fairly-weak Scotland and Northern Ireland.  Noob’s chosen them for his CONCACAF team for which to cheer.  I more than suspect they will be gone after the Group Stage, leaving Noob a soccer-supporting, port-less boat in a storm.  Or something.   (2:45 PM Eastern, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Belgium   4-1

Image result for letter B storm

 

 

 

But Number B is the storm!

  1. South Korea vs Senegal – friendly

#57 South Korea managed a home draw against Bolivia in their most recent friendly.  Might be the last success they see in a while.  Senegal is headed to Russia as well, but haven’t been testing themselves against very highly-ranked competition.  They need to prove to themselves they can score against this weaker S.K. side, because they haven’t against much of anyone else.

RESULT:   Senegal   2-0     Turns out the game was in Senegal

  1. Smolevichy vs. Gorodeya – Belarus Premier

#27 of 55, a perfectly good, fine and average European league.  We need to see more of them here.

Two of the 16 teams in this league will be Relegated.  10 matches into the season, there’s a five-way tie for last.  Three of them are even tied on goal differential and these are two of them.  Gorodeya occupies last place by virtue of some other tiebreaker, Smolevichy 14th.

RESULT:   Smolevichy   2-0

Image result for haradzeya

 

 

Church of Jospeh, Haradzeya (home of FC Gorodeya)

pop. not much over 4,000.

  1. Naft Matsan vs. Zakho – Iraq Premier

Iraq is considered to be just outside the top 10 of Asian leagues.  Based on clubs’ performance in international matches, they’re likely to drop some next year.

Zakho are in last with six league matches to go, all but set to be demoted to second-tier Iraqi Division 1.  Their plight is made worse by their having been docked three points in the table for a player-pay issue.  No offense sure ain’t helping.  Naft Matsan are in 11th.

Fun Fact:   Zakho is believed to have been founded on a small island surrounded on all sides by the Little Khabur River.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Kedus Giorgis vs. Woldya Kenema – Ethiopia Premier

Three teams of these 16 will get The Boot after six more matches.  Woldya are in last, yet only six points from daylight.  But it’s #3 “Saint George” they’re visiting.  Woldya doesn’t appear to have nearly the offense to climb out of trouble.

RESULT:   St. George   3-1

Image result for Biblical solomon ethiopia

 

 

Weldiya is in the Amhar region, where they claim to descend from the Biblical Solomon.

  1. Qizilqum vs. Sogdiana – Uzbekistan Super League

Uzbekistan is a top-ten Asian league and climbing.  These two likely haven’t been helping that cause, though, as they are 10th and 11th of the dozen league clubs.

Last year, five clubs were Relegated.  This year, Noob’s sources are unclear on how many will go down, but they agree that there is some sort of Relegation Round for the bottom six.  The season’s is not quite twelve games in, so they’re plenty of time for either to improve their place in the table.

Fun Fact:  Sogdiana is named for the ancient Iranian civilization of that name.

RESULT:   Qizilqum   2-0

  1. Taraz vs. Kaspiy – Kazakhstan First Division

Here’s where we start to have to dig a little deeper in the world league scheds to find Relegation sadness to celebrate.

Like Belarus, the Kazakh top league is right in the middle strength-wise in Europe.  Here, we delve into that country’s second division.

Just one team will get Relegated from this league, and so far that team looks to be Kaspiy.  They and Aktobe Jas are well behind the pack.  Kaspiy’s offense appears to be good enough to compete well enough with other lower-half league teams, but they carry the worst defense.  #B Taraz can easily handle them on their own pitch.

RESULT:   Taraz   4-0

Image result for Aktau kazakhstan block

 

Aktau (Kaspiy’s home city) doesn’t use street names, just three-number addresses.

  1. Tallinna Kalev II vs. Flora II – Estonia Esiliiga

Oh Estonia, you make Noob swoon!   Top division – Meisttrliiga.  Second division – Esiliiga.  Your double i’s shine like no diamond ever could.

Noob’s not sure about the visiting side here, but TK’s squad is an under-21 bunch.  Currently they’re in 8th place.  Whichever club finishes in that position will have to win a playoff against a third-division team for the right to stay up. Flora II is #B.

Fun Fact:   Noob is and will always be enamored with ii.  Just search the site to see my many odes to ii.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Varketili vs. Matchakhela – Georgia Liga III

Georgian third division footyball is back on the Track!   Play your sad sack teams in Mondays, you get on Noob, plain and simple.

Not sure how many teams get booted out of this league annually, but the entire bottom half (ten) will participate in a Relegation Playout event.  These two have little chance of climbing into the top half, what being in 18th and last, respectively.  Varketili can’t play D, and that D is excellent compared to Matchkhela’s O.

Image result for sulfur bath tbilisi

 

So long from Tbilisi – “warm location” named for its sulfuric hot spring baths

’10 to track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches (6/9-10) – so much ‘Muricuh!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – have red, white and blue all over them this weekend.  Both US Nationals teams are in play, and there are a hot bunch of league matches stateside.   Ogle the previews with a hand over your Noobite heart.

  1. France vs. U.S.A. – friendly

The USMNT has scheduled themselves a nice little sequence for the late spring and early summer.  Bolivia was a team they should beat, Ireland then was a team with whom they were roughly on par, and now they get a severe test with #7 FIFA-ranked France.

Bolivia they beat, Ireland was a close but competitive loss.  And all this is colored by the fact that they’re playing many younger guys since they didn’t qualify for World Cup.  Meanwhile, France will likely be playing their WC starting lineup, tuning up for the start in Russia in a few days.   (3:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   1-1     Not at all bad for basically an American U23 side

Image result for way too America funny

 

 

 

Muricuh!!

 

B.  Northern Cyprus vs. Karpatalja – ConIFA World Cup

The Final!  Search keyword “ConIFA” on the front page of this site hit the last few posts that have mentioned this organization and event.  The first one will have more detail, though you can also visit ConIFA.org.

After a first Knockout round blowout of host organization Barawa (8-0), Padania gave them all they could handle before succumbing 2-3.  Late fill-in entrant Karpatalja have surprised and then some.  They beat Szekely Land 4-2 to earn their shot at the hardware.

This event as been so exciting for me to follow.  In my endeavor to learn more about the soccer world, this event has led me to learn a lot more about the world in general.  Noob and Noobite we may be, but we may end up more learned than veteran fans.

RESULT:   Karpatalja   0-0  /  3-2 pk     The Turkish nationals and emigrants almost certainly made it a home field advantage for Northern Cypress, but late fill-in entrant Karpatalja is your champion – congrats!

Image result for letter B is best

 

 

Number B gives the finalists and all ConIFA his approval!

  1. NYCFC vs. Atlanta United – MLS

#B hosts #1 in the oh-so-tough Eastern Conference.

NYCFC is coming off a harrowing loss to New York Red Bulls in the U.S. Open Cup – a 4-0 drubbing.  Atlanta, too, has been a little up and down in recent matches.  But they took care of business against USL’s Richmond in the Cup and got a solid enough win over Philly at home before that.

Oddly, both have struggled at home, at least compared to what one might expect.  Could that actually mean advantage: Atlanta?  (12:30 PM, ESPN+, Fox Sports Southwest)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Columbus Crew vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

As solid a season as they’re having, the big story with the Crew is still whether or not their owner is moving them to Austin.  The most recent word was surprisingly a nudge in favor of them staying on Ohio.  The owner wants a bunch of money spent by Austin and folks there aren’t looking ready to pony up.

The Crew are in 3rd, hosting #4 NYRB.  Columbus hasn’t lost since April but a lot of draws (including three straight) have kept them from the top of the table.   (5:00 PM, ESPN)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for funny Columbus Crew fans

 

Bandito kerchief-wearing, wrong-color Iron Man says the Crew should stay in Columbus.

  1. Portland Timbers vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

Now we head out West to see two scalding-hot sides, #’s 5 and 1 in the table.  Neither have lost in about two months.  Both find success riding their defenses, so this may not be the most exciting match for we laypeople to watch live, but it will be an important one nonetheless.   (3:30 PM, ESPN+, ROOT Sports Northwest)

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Denmark vs. Mexico – friendly

More World Cup calisthenics!  FIFA-ranked #12 hots #15.

it’s weird to read and hear from so many pundits and personalities in media that rooting for Mexico in the World Cup as an American is a bad thing.  Noob says anything that gets us watching – whether cheering for or against Mexico – is a very good thing.

Me?  Costa Rica.  Why?  Other than they’re in CONCACAF, not sure.  Maybe it’s because they’re right next to the US world ranking.   (2:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   Denmark   2-0

Image result for costa rica funny

 

 

 

Thanks?

  1. Sacramento Republic vs. Phoenix Rising – USL

Tied for #B.  We need more Number B!

In the West, everyone is chasing Noob-dreaded “royal”/Real Monarchs SLC.  Phoenix looks like the far more likely candidate to make a push.  They have the top offense in the conference, and that’s really saying something when one considers Reno (record-breaking O last year).

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Atletico Nacional vs. Tolima – Colombia Premier

The Apertura (first half-season) Final, the second leg!

Atletico Nacional won the first match of this two-legged tie 0-1.  They won the Apertura regular season, had the best defense in the league, and were a mite better on offense than Tolima.  There’s not a lot of reason to think Tolima can make up a deficit on the road here.

RESULT:   Tolima   1-2      An Atletico player got a red card at the end of the game, and then Tolima scored the winning goal!   That made the aggregate 2-2, and then Tolima went on to win the title 2-4 in penalties. 

Image result for tiburon willy gif

 

Noob thinks the gal-mascot pertains to Tolima. 

Whether or no, good LAWD.

  1. Tunisia vs. Spain – friendly

#21 and Africa’s top-rated national team takes on the world #10 in a tuneup before they head to Russia

Spain may have only managed a draw against Switzerland, but those guys are a top-10 team themselves.  And it’s hard to forget how they ran absolutely roughshod over world power Argentina 6-1 the match before.

Tunisia continue to rack up non-losses. though the level of competition hasn’t been treeeemendous.

RESULT:   Spain   0-1

Sunday, 6/11

  1. Canadia vs. Germany – women’s friendly

Just a friendly, yes.  but these are the 3rd and 4th-ranked squads in the world.  Certainly a possible final or semifinal matchup preview.  The lofty number aside, neither has had much success against their peers of late, though Germany did beat the French side two attempts ago.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for Hamilton Ontario funny

 

 

So long from Hamilt– GAH!!!

*pees self*

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (6/4) – embrace the suckitude

Ah, Monday.  Why grumble over it?  Instead, Noob suggests embracing the dark feelings it brings and celebrating the suckitude.

League schedules run lighter after the weekend (very light, as will soon be demonstrated).  So let’s mix in some matches involving teams that are perhaps about to get Relegated, get to know some before they disappear into the mist of footyball irrelevance.

  1. Real Monarchs SLC vs. Rio Grande Valley Toros – USL

#1 and Noob-reviled RM SLC host #14 Toros in the only Division One or Two match in ‘Muricuh today.  Noob will pull for the Toros since nothing royal/”real” belongs in here, but their odds don’t look good.  RGV’s goal differential is almost even, but they don’t have the offense to keep up with the league’s best side.

RESULT:   SLC   2-0

Image result for revolt against monarchy funny

 

 

Not on Noob’s watch.

B.  Italy vs. Netherlands – friendly

FIFA-ranked #20 visits #19 in a battle of two of the best teams not to qualify for World Cup late this month.  As the match is being played in Turin, Noob’s guess is they’ll console each other over fine glasses of Borolo.   (2:45 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Barolo letter B

 

 

 

Number B stands for “the king of wine, the wine of kings”.

  1. Parana Clube vs. Fluminense – Brazil Serie A

Fluminense is in 9th.  The top seven will qualify for the next Copa Libertadores, South America’s version of Champions League.  The season is still young, but this feels about right for “the tricolor”.

But it’s Parana in second-to-last which has our real attention on a Monday.  Bottom four will be Relegated.  They are one of two clubs yet to net a single win.  Three goals scored in eight games is not going to get it done.   (7:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Parana   2-1     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

  1. Hafnarfjordur vs. Keflavik – Iceland Urvalsfeild

Iceland’s top league is ranked just 35th in UEFA, sandwiched by Albania and Hungary.  The season here is even younger than in Brazil, but Keflavik have already taken over last place by going winless so far.  They’re no great shakes on D, but it’s their O that really lacks.  Hosts FH are #3.

Fun Fact:  Keflavik is named for a town that existed until 1994, when it merged with another to form Reykjanesbaer.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for keflavik

  1. Serbia vs. Chile – friendly

Chile is a top ten club in the world, yet failed to qualify for WC.  Noob’s thinking they’ll take it out on #35 Serbia, since that team is headed for Russia.  Serbia did notch a solid win against Nigeria in their most recent match.   (2:45 PM, beIN Sports En Español)

RESULT:   Chile   0-1

  1. 3 de Febrero vs. Luqueño – Paraguay Premier

3 de Febrero is going to be a Monday fixture this summer.  They were just promoted up from Division Intermedia this year, and they’re going right back down.  Points earned per game average in the table determines who gets The Boot, and 3dF average not much more than half as much as the next-worst team.

Yet this might be a chance for a W!  Their visitors are in third to last in the Relegation table.

Fun Fact:   Cuidad del Este – 3dF’s home city, is also home to a massive number of Lebanese immigrants.

RESULT:   Luqueño   0-2

Image result for ciudad de Este mosque

 

 

Umar Ibn Al Khattab mosque is the largest mosque in Paraguay (as of 2015 anyway).

  1. Barbados vs. Belize – friendly

As you might imagine, neither of these national teams are headed to World Cup.  But it’s fun to get to know teams close to home, and these two are both in CONCACAF.  Full disclosure though, it also catches Noob’s eye because his next-door neighbors are from Belize.

They’re FIFA-ranked #158 and #169, respectively.  Belize finished last in their Group in the last Copa Centroamericano.  Barbados has never qualified for a major international competition.

RESULT:   0-0     (game was played yesterday)

  1. Persipura Jayapura vs. PSM Makassar – Indonesia Liga 1

PSM are deadlocked with Barito Putera for #1 in the league, which only gets one AFC Champions League berth.  #4 Persipura actually have a higher goal differential than any of the teams ahead of them.

Only 9 points separate 1st and last in this slightly below-average Asian league.  The title race is tighter than Meg Ryan’s face.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Meg Ryan botox face

 

This feels mean, but let’s treat this as a PSA.

Botox.  Like with everything else in live, moderation is wise.

  1. Skjetten vs. Lillestrom II – Norway 3. Division

What could #10 be when #9 is a fourth-tier Norwegian match?  Hey, with so many of the “major” European leagues having concluded their seasons, Noob’s more than willing to dig as deeply as needed to find teams on the edge of getting kicked out of their leagues.

This league is divided into six divisions, presumably regionalized.  Four clubs will get Relegated and Skjetten is among those right now.  Their GD is really pretty ok, so they may flirt with climbing out of the Drop Zone.  More offense is they key for them.  Their guests today are in 3rd.

Fun Fact:   Skjetten the town had very bad gang problems for 15 years, until about 2007.  Just not something Noob thinks about with Norway.  

RESULT:   Skjetten   3-2       more Relegation Monday magic!

  1. Aragvi Dusheti vs. Bakhmaro – Georgia Liga III

Third division Georgian football?  You’re goldurn the-country-not-the-U.S.-state-right!  This country’s top-flight league is only ranked 45th of 55 in Europe.  These guys might not just be non-pros, they might have to pay to play.

The bottom half of this league are all marked as Relegation possibilities by one of Noob’s sources, so this has to be a Playoff situation when the time comes.  A.D. are in third-to-last.  Bakhmaro are #5, score nearly twice as much as their hosts.

Fun Fact:  Dusheti is the name of the currently existing town, while Aragvi is the name of the rebellious duchy that no longer exists in that same area.  They kept getting their butts kicked by the other Georgians.

RESULT:   Dusheti   3-1        a trifecta of Monday magnificence, another upset!

Image result for dusheti georgia

 

 

So long from the Ananuri Fortress, Dusheti, Georgia!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (6/3) – ConIFA World Cup rolls on, FIFA WC teams keep friendly-ing

The Track continues to pay homage to the ConIFA World Cup, featuring four of the eight matches today.   Your not imagining things, these teams are playing for the second straight day.  The timeframe for this event is really compact.

To learn a little about this event (and some of the other teams), scroll down to yesterday’s Track.

But don’t worry, FIFA afficionados!  The rest of the previews are MLS, NWSL, Bolvian final, and WC warmups.

  1. Tamil Eelam vs. Cascadia – ConIFA World Cup

Tamil Eelam are already guaranteed last place in Group A, cannot advance to the next stage.  Let’s get to know a touch about them before they head home from London.

The team is made up of players residing in Canada, Switzerland, and the U.K.  They are all Tamil (or perhaps of Tamil descent.  The Tamils are the indigenous population of Sri Lanka.  They would like to have their own country on the island nation, and in fact parts of it are under control of the Tamil Tigers political-military group.

RESULT:   Cascadia   0-6    They and Barawa advance out of Group A, both just beating Ellan Vannin (Isle of Man Manx team) on GD tiebreaker.

B.  Abkhazia vs. Northern Cypress – ConIFA World Cup

Abkhazia is a disputed state in northern Georgia.  Russia is one of the only countries that recognize it formally.  Georgia’s federal government considers it to only be an autonomous region within the nation.  Their representative football team is ranked 8th and they won this event in 2016.

RESULT:   2-2     Abkhazia nets the equalizer with a penalty at 90′, but it doesn’t save their tournament.  Northern Cypress and Karpatalja advance from Group B.

Image result for abkhazia football 2018

  1. Padania vs. Szekely Land – ConIFA World Cup

Szekely Land is an area within Romania that is populated predominately by the Szekelys – an ethnic subgroup of Hungarians.  There are movements there working to gain autonomy for the region.  Noob’s uncertain if this means they want an independent state or to still remain politically part of Romania.  Their team is ranked #5.

RESULT:   Padania   3-1     Both advance out of Group C.

  1. Western Armenia vs. Kabilya – ConIFA World Cup

Kabilya is a cultural and ethnic region of Algeria, in the north of the country.  There is a movement there for independence, which started many decades ago when the post-colonial, single-party governmental system was in place.  The Kabilye team is not ranked.

RESULT:   Western Armenia   4-0     They and Panjab advance from Group D.

Image result for kabilya football 2018

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Minnesota United – MLS

Red-hot FC Dallas have passed KC for #1 in the Western Conference.  Not that KC has been playing poorly – they’re unbeaten in their last four matches.  Minnesota are in 9th, yet not entirely out of the playoff picture (top six in conference).

If Minnesota are to make a move towards the postseason, they’ve got to crank up their offense.  19 year-old forward Christian Ramirez (“Superman”) led the team in scoring last year – the club’s first season.  He also leads this year, but that’s with just three goals.  He may need more help from current forward and former midlfielder (and much older, 28) Ethan Finlay.  (8:30 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   KC   4-1     So for now, they return to the top spot

  1. Seattle Reign vs. Orlando Pride – NWSL

North Carolina Courage are decimating the league.  The race is tight for the other three playoff spots, as six of the eight other clubs are within four points of one another.

#B Seattle only managed to split their last two matches, against two of the league’s least teams.  But they have the defense to take care of business at home against #3 Orlando.  (Boooo, Swamp-City!)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Swamp monster funny

 

 

 

Even this cute little swamp monster can’t make us cheer for Orlando

  1. Jorge Wilstermann vs. The Strongest – Bolivia Premier

The Final!   Bolivia’s Apertura (first half-season) is coming to a close.  These two have already played the first match of a two-legged tie to decide the champion.  The Strongest (such the douchebaggy name) won that 2-1.  JW are the far stronger offensive unit, should be able to come back and take hardware on their own pitch.

RESULT:   JW   2-1    Since the tie is even, they will play one more time, at a neutral stadium in Sucre on 6/6.

  1. Spain vs. Switzerland – friendly

Here’s a surprise – the Swiss national team actually holds the higher ranking between these two!   They are 6th to Spain’s 8th.  Both have qualified for World Cup.   (3:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Swiss surprise

 

 

Noob’s daughter’s fave Swiss surprise

  1. Costa Rica vs. Northern Ireland – friendly

WC-bound and #25-ranked Costa Rica takes on FIFA #27 in this one.  Costa Rica and the U.S. are about even in league strength.  They’ve lost four of their last five matches, managing a win against only Scotland.

RESULT:   Costa Rica   3-0

  1. Brazil vs. Croatia – friendly

Here we get a peek at one of the favorites going into Russia in #B-ranked Brazil.  Croatia are no slouches at #18, are headed to WC as well.  They’ve been winning most of their matches – including their most recent, a win over Mexico. They’re playing it at Liverpool’s home stadium.   (10:00 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Brazil   2-0

Image result for Liverpool funnySo long from Anfield in Liverpool!  

The yellow and Where’s Waldo-clad supporters may or may not attend.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (6/2) – ConIFA World Cup is on! Plus MLS, FIFA friendlies

The FIFA World Cup begins in less than two weeks.  You’re here, you knew.

But there’s another soccer organization in the world called ConIFA.  They are the Confederation of Independent Football Associations.  Smaller, newer nations, stateless peoples, diaspora, underrepresented minorities… check out ConIFA.org for more specifics.

16 teams are competing in London.  In this opening stage, four groups of four teams each play each other in a round-robin.  Top two finishers move on to the Knockout Stage.  Each team has played one game already, and the third games will follow in just a day or two.  This event moves fast, probably for cost-reasons.

Do these matches necessarily fit into Noob’s ‘ten most important matches’ mantra?  Arguably at best.  But though Noob and Noobite we may be, this space has always also been devoted to exploring soccer worldwide.  These teams and the areas they come from are fascinating.

We start the Track there.

  1. Barawa FA vs. Cascadia – ConIFA World Cup

So where and what is Cascadia?  The team consists of players from Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia.  The players are largely U.S. tier-four players and some that play several levels down the soccer pyramid in England.   They are unranked with ConIFA, though members.

There exists a Cascadia Independence movement for the three to become their own country.  Two of the big reasons are bioregionalism and not feeling best served by eastern federal governments.

Barawa is a city in southern Somalia.  Barawa FA however, represents the Somali diaspora in England.  The organization has as part if its mission developing football in Barawa city.  Noob doesn’t have the impression there’s any active movement regarding the Somali city and independence.  This team also has many players in intermediate and lowers levels in England.

Bawara is 11th in the organization world rankings.  They won their first match 4-0.  Cascadia is not ranked, lost their first match 1-4.

RESULT:  Cascadia   1-2

Image result for Cascadia soccer

 

 

 

Check out those awesome Cascadia soccer Doug-socks!

 B.  Panjab vs. Western Armenia – ConIFA World Cup

Panjab is a team representing the Punjabi diaspora in England.  They won their first match 8-0 and are the #1-ranked team in ConIFA.

Western Armenia refers to a region of eastern Turkey.  The indigenous people there were largely moved or exterminated a century ago roughly.  Armenia currently claims no rights to the region, but there is a revolutionary party there that would.  Their 10th-ranked side earned a draw against the excellent United Koreans of Japan team in their first match.

RESULT:  WA   0-1

Image result for Panjab London

  1. Northern Cyprus vs. Tibet – ConIFA World Cup

Northern Cyprus is considered – by other than Turkey – to be a de facto and puppet state.  All other nations regard the nation of Cyprus to be the whole island.  The Turkish military protects the Northern area.  FIFA member nations are not allowed to play them.  They are 3rd-ranked, yet only managed a draw in their first match against unranked and late fill-in team Karpatalja.

Tibet, well, you probably know a fair bit about Tibet and China.  If not, do some reading from a more specifically knowledgeable source than this old hack blogger.  It is interesting to note that some of the players live in exile due to the political situation.  They lost their first match 0-3, are ranked #13.

RESULT:  NC   3-1

  1. Padania vs. Tuvalu – ConIFA World Cup

Padania is considered by those who recognize it as the Po Valley in Italy, or a region of northern and some of central Italy.  There is a political party (Lega Nord) that favors independence, but the sentiment doesn’t seem to run strongly with most of the populace.  Their representative football team is ranked 2nd, comprised largely of fourth-division Italian players and below.  They won their first match 6-1.

Tuvalu has tried to get into FIFA, but the primary issue seems to be the lack of a single regulation pitch that meets standards.  They are ranked 33rd in ConIFA, lost their first match 0-4.

RESULT:  Padania 8-0

Image result for padania map

  1. Ireland vs. USA – friendly

Neither is going to World Cup, but it’s another chance to see how the young players on the USMNT can do.  Ireland just got housed by France a couple days ago.  The two are ranked #34 and #21 by FIFA.

RESULT:  Ireland   2-1

  1. Dallas vs. LAFC – MLS

#B hosts #3 in the West.  Dallas is tied with Sporting Kansas City for the conference’s best defense, while expansion LAFC is tied with KC for the second-best offense.  No wonder KC is #1…   Dallas haven’t lost since late April, while LAFC hasn’t won since early May.  They racked up all those goals early in the season.

RESULT:  Dallas   2-1

Image result for Dallas funny

 

 

Ummmm…..

  1. NYCFC vs. Orlando City – MLS

The Eastern Conference is finally seeing some justice.  Noob and The Management-reviled Swamp City Orlando has lost three straight!  Choke on ‘em, mice-men.  Bad urban planning is never rewarded.  They’re still in the playoff picture at #5 for now.  Hopefully #3 NYCFC can stop their own lesser struggles with a resounding W today.   (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 10)

RESULT:   NYC   3-0

  1. Mexico vs. Scotland – friendly

FIFA #15 Mexico has stepped up its level of opponents the last two matches, and it hasn’t gone so well.  They drew against Wales and lost to Croatia.  Scotland is ranked just 34th in the world, should represent a chance for “El Tri” to get a win and some confidence heading into Russia.   (9:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:  Mexico   1-0

Image result for Scottish hooligans funny

Relevant?  Not really.  Does Noob require relevance?  *bonnnnnggg*

  1. England vs. Nigeria – friendly

Many a pundit seem to think #13 England won’t even make it out of the World Cup group stage.  They can’t seem to score a lick, but their goal-defense is astounding.  They haven’t lost a match in their last seven.

Nigeria is WC-bound as well.  They’re ranked just 47th, have lost two of three as the tournament looms.  It appears they won’t have the offensive firepower to get out of the group stage.   (12:15 PM, Fox Deportes, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:  England   2-1

  1. Johor Darul Ta’zim vs. Perak – Malaysia Super Liga

We conclude the Track with #1 vs. #B, as should be!  Does it matter that it’s from a league that’s not even quite in the top quarter of associations in Asia?  It does not.

JDT have opened up a seven-point lead in the table by virtue of an absolutely stifling defense.  They’ve allowed just five goals in a dozen games – twice as good as the next best.  Perak can put it in the net, but play only middling D.  3rd-place Pahang is better.  At home, JDT should take this by two goals.

RESULT:  Johor  2-0

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So long from Johor Bahru!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (6/1) – MLS, World Cup pre-matches lead the way

TGIGF!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – spans the globe once again!  As always, we start close to home, then jetset off for important matches worldwide, plus find some hinterland footyball action in some corner of the globe.

  1. Colorado Rapids vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

Colorado are in last place in the West.   The issue isn’t their goalkeeping, as they have one of the all-time American greats in backstop Tim Howard.  They just can’t score.  They’re not Seattle Sounders-bad on offense, but not at all good.

Vancouver sits in 7th, just outside the playoff picture.   They may be about to get starting goalkeeper – New Zealander Stefan Marinovic – back from a knee injury that’s kept him out nearly all of May.  Backup Brian Rowe has been a disaster.   (9:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6, Altitude Sports)

RESULT   Vancouver   1-2

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We know, Stefan.  May’s been tough to watch.

B.  RoPS vs. HJK – Finland Veikkausliga

Defending league champs and #1 visits #B in match Number B.    This is how it should be.  if you enjoy European soccer, get to know the Laplandic leagues.  They’re going to be some of our main summer fare.  You know, outside World Cup, of course.

Fun Fact:   RoPS is infamous for its relatively recent history of being involved in match-fixing.  Some Singaporean jerk-o actually got two years in prison.

RESULT:   HJK   1-2

Image result for Finnish letter B

Number B, hanging out on the skin of Finnish fighter plane.

  1. Cork City vs. Waterford – League of Ireland Premier

Waterford had a brilliant and surprising start to their season, but are falling back from the top two now.  They did beat 4th-place Derry City in their most recent match.  But a week ago against the second-to-last club…Noob must express himself in rhyme.

Waterford lost to Limerick/ by a score to make anyone sick/ 3-6 at their place/ cover your face!/ Maybe poetry isn’t Noob’s shtik…

Fun Fact:  Waterford’s name seems redundant, but the first part actually comes from an Old Norse word for “ram”.

RESULT:   Cork   3-0

  1. France vs. Italy – friendly

You think the ‘Muricuhns are upset about missing out on the World Cup for the first time since 1986?  The Italians are having what will be a summer-long conniption.  They invented football.  The French side has looked good in wins against Russia and Ireland, both sides of the ball.   (3:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   3-1

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You would do well to embrace your pain, young one.

  1. Australia vs. Czech Republic – friendly

Australia are headed to WC, and this is a good match for them.  It won’t prepare them for the level of competition they’ll face most of the time in Russia, but they’re both ranked in the 40’s by FIFA.  Good competition that won’t overwhelm them.

RESULT:   Australia   4-0

  1. Tunisia vs. Turkey – friendly

Noob thought Egypt was up there, but Cup-bound Tunisia is far and away the best-ranked national side in Europe (#14).  They haven’t lost a match since at least last June, and eked out a draw a few days ago against a really strong Portugal side (ranked #4).  Turkey are #37.

RESULT:   2-2

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Forgiveness will be long in coming over your abandonment of Star Wars sets, Tunisia.

  1. Egypt vs. Colombia – friendly

Speak of the devil!  Egypt is also heading to Russia, but they haven’t performed that well of late.  Just a week ago, they only managed a draw against Kuwait.  Kuwait!   FIFA-#146, exactly 100 spots lower.

Colombia are pretty average for a South American team, but still top-20 worldwide.  They won’t be facing a particularly tough Group to start at World Cup.  And they just notched an impressive win over France.  Expectations are rising.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. South Korea vs. Bosnia and Herzegovina – friendly

South Korea will have a much tougher time when WC play starts.  Germany, Mexico, even Sweden are all of a much higher quality.  B&H are about on par with Sweden, so this will give S.K. a taste of what they’ll face on the lower end.

RESULT:   B&H   1-3

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Psy is more excited about this than his national team.

  1. Botswana vs. Mauritius – COSAFA Cup

Reminder:  This is a tournament for nations in southern Africa being hosted in South Africa.  The top six ranked participating teams got byes into the quarterfinals.  The other eight have been competing in two Groups of four each.  The two winners will advance.

Botswana lead their Group by a point over Mauritius and Angola as they all head into their third and final match of this stage.  Malawi was the highest-ranked of these four coming in, but they are out of the mix.

RESULT:   6-0

  1. US Forces Armees vs. Etoile Filante – Burkina Faso Premier

What Globetrotting Friday would be complete without heading off to at least one exotic locale for a league match?  This is not one of Africa’s better national leagues, but who cares!  Heading into the weekend, we’re about learning here.

AS Fonctionnaires have already wrapped up the title with two matches to go.  But the battle for #B is as tight as they come!   Etoile Filante lead two teams by just a point in the table and then two more by two points.  USFA is one of the latter.  Filante play the league’s best D.  USFA score well, but play no D at all just about.  Pace control decides this one today.

RESULT:   2-2

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So long from Polokwane, South Africa!

Home of the best ideas ever…

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (5/28) – one lump of suckitude, or two?

With the World Cup well under a month away, get ready for an onslaught of national team-tuneups.  But don’t worry, Noobites!  Our Monday tradition of featuring teams about to be possibly Booted from their leagues still holds.

  1. U.S.A. vs. Bolivia – friendly

It’s not part of a tournament, and neither team is headed to the World Cup.  But it’s ‘Muricuh!

The teams are FIFA-ranked #24 and #57, respectively.  Not sure how much that will mean here.  Noob’s understanding is that a lot of young up-and-comers are going to get featured on the U.S. side.  Bolivia may well be doing similarly.  The match is yours at 6:30 PM, Eastern on FS1.

RESULT:   ‘Muricuh!   3-0

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B.  Mexico vs. Wales – friendly

Now this is a World Cup tuneup for Mexico.  Wales was one of the stronger European teams to not qualify.  They are FIFA-ranked #15 and #21.   (9:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   0-0

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Number B, the dragon is kind of the Welsh thing.  Not a whale

  1. Gaz Metan Medias vs. Juventus Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

For these two clubs, two matches to go in the Relegation Group in Romania. The bottom two will be auto-Booted.  #12 will get to play a Liga II team trying to displace them.

GMM are in 11th, one point up on Voluntari (who have played one more match already).  They’ve not lost in four consecutive matches, and beat J.B. 0-3 in their last meeting.  There’s no reason to think this one won’t play out much the same.  J.B. are awful, have last place sewn up already.

Fun Fact:   GMM are known as “the black wolves” and “the refinery workers”.  One is definitely cooler than the other, if more dangerous to have out on the pitch in a halftime show.

RESULTL:   GMM   3-0

  1. Poli Timisoara vs. Dinamo Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

Timisoara are in 13th, but could well still climb up to safety.  Hypothetically.  They’re only two points behind Voluntari.  Unfortunately for them, today they play the top team of this Group.  D.B. have won five straight matches, haven’t allowed a goal in the last four.

RESULT:   Dinamo   1-3

Image result for south park timmyFun Fact:   Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld are the halftime show for this match.

The Management:  No…

*bronx cheer*

  1. PSIS vs. Mitra Kukar – Indonesia Liga I

Welcome back, PSIS!   You’ve been featured here before.  Still in last place, Noob sees.  And only averaging one goal per match.  Ouch.  Mitra Kukar are maybe average.  PSIS could get a draw here, Noob suspects.

Fun Fact:   One of the PSIS main supporters groups is named “Snex”.  Which is totally going to mess with Noob’s Scrabble vocabulary.

RESULT:   PSIS   4-0     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!  They climb into second-to-last place.   (Bottom three finishers will be Demoted.)

Now for some mini-previews of international friendlies —

  1. France vs. Ireland – friendly

France rank #7 worldwide, expect to make the Knockout Stage of the World Cup.  Ireland did not qualify, are ranked #31.   (3:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   France   2-0

  1. Portugal vs. Tunisia – friendly

Both these teams made the WC.  Noob was surprised to discover how highly they’re both ranked, 4th and 14th.  Noob knew Tunisia was one of Africa’s best, but not that well-regarded.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Italy vs. Saudi Arabia – friendly

Saudi Arabia are the lowest team in the world to have qualified for Russia.  They’re ranked just 67th in the world.  20th-ranked Italy were one of the biggest surprises of the qualifying competition for WC, not getting in.

RESULT:   Italy   2-1

  1. Qabala vs. Kesla – Azerbaijan FA Cup

The Final!   Noob is surprised to not find runaway league-winner Qarabag in this match, but they got knocked out in the Quarterfinals.  League #B Qabala hosts below-average Kesla.  The visitors will do well to keep this within a goal even.

RESULT:   Kesla   0-1     Shocking!  Congrats!

  1. Botswana vs. Angola – COSAFA Cup

This is a tournament put on by the Council of Southern Africa Football Associations, being put on in South Africa.  13 nations are competing.  The strongest five teams have received byes into the Knockout Stage.

This one is a Group Stage match in Polokwane (Pietersberg), the first of three.  Angola carry the higher CAF ranking, but Botswana has already earned enough points to join them in the continental top-18 when next year’s come out.  This should be a very even matchup.

RESULT:   Botswana   2-1

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So long from South Africa!