Isle of Sodor Premier League – the marathon becomes a sprint at the end with midweek Matchweek 37

It’s the penultimate Matchday of the inaugural IoS PL season.  For extra challenge here at the end, the FA scheduled the last three matchdays over eight days.    (Matchday 38 is slated for Sunday, 5/26, for all 20 clubs.)

Everyone’s in action!  That said, there aren’t any super-compelling matches, not on paper.  #1 Dryaw should handle Relegation possibility #16 Ffarquhar at home.   The #2 and #3 clubs have road matches, but against bottom half teams.

Here’s the full slate, as well as smexy link to the table:

Wed., 5/22 – 6:00 PM – (UTC)
#1   Dryaw                          vs.     #16  Ffarquhar
#6   Junction & Sheds    vs.    #15  Brendam Harbor
#20  Arlesburgh Utd.     vs.     #12  Lakeside
#4   Kirk Ronan                vs.      T9  Glennock
#13  Vicarstown               vs.       #2   Peel Godred

8:00 PM – (UTC)
#19  Tidmouth City    vs.    #14  Castle Rolf
#17  Brendam Utd.      vs.     #3  Knapford Town
#5   Crovan’s Gate       vs.    #11  Marron
#18  Ulfstead                 vs.     #7   East Coast Diesel
T9   Suddery                   vs.     #8   Wellsworth

Feature Match preview:        #5 Crovan’s Gate vs. #11 Marron

Image result for CGFC crestSo absent an obvious mega-match to highlight today, hello from Crovan’s Gate!  Despite having lost two in a row and three of four, a top-four finish in still within reach.   That doesn’t mean anything in this PL like in England and other big European domestic leagues, but it still has a certain cache.   Marron can still finish in the table’s top half and will not be lying down either.

Image result for sir topham hatt gifLet’s get to know the team and village!   Even if the club has tried to attach itself to dreaded Tottenham Sir Toppem Hatt Hotspur by using their Latin motto slogan.  Longtime Noobites know Noob loathes TH, named for Harry “Hotspur” Percy, an historic traitor of England.  Noob carries no water for such, nor their sycophantic copycats.

Crovan’s Gate’s not one of the biggest villages, but an important one in the east-southeast region of Sodor.   It’s a hub for transportation repairs.  (Yes, the real Isle has a superb public train system.  No, the engines aren’t creepy-faced or capable of speech.)   It’s also where a lot of timber starts making its way around Sodor, cut from the big forest just north.

Image result for Godred CrovanHistory buffs:     It’s possible or even probable that this town is named after some Crovan that was part of the line of the ruling family on the Isle of Man some, oh, 900 years ago.   Given that IoM is west of Sodor, it is unlikely a member of the actual ruling family fled directly here after the coup that unseated them.  It’s a last name that’s found some here and elsewhere on the Isle, but no Crovan’s have ruled Sodor at any point in history.

At 5th in the League, CGFC aren’t in contention for the title.   But this is hardly a shabby position for a team that ten months ago wasn’t even going to be in the Premier.   They were slated for the second-tier Championship, thought to be a team that could perhaps vie for that title, earn Promotion into the PL for 2019-20.

But the FA switched things up and decided that more than mere village or town size would be factored in determining which clubs started in which league.  Last summer’s FA Cup results, it was announced, would be weighted heavily.  Crovan’s Gate benefited perhaps more than anyone, as they made the Semifinals, losing to eventual champion Brendam Harbor 0-2..

Image result for grumpy passengersAnd they have not disappointed.   How have “The Grumpy Passengers” (yes, a nod to the children’s TV show based on and in Sodor) found success?   They’ve had a bigger player base to draw from than would’ve been thought, for one thing.   Crovan’s Gate is only of average size for a village, but they have no competition for players for many miles.   They draw from smaller villages and hamlets scattered most every direction.

Like most clubs on Sodor, they don’t play aggressive defense.  But they’ve separated themselves offensively.  They’ll press six or seven forward like most clubs often enough, but they switch strategies, formations at the drop of a hat.   They’ll suddenly drop eight back and wait for counters, then push everyone up again in a blink.   4-4-2, 4-3-3, 4-2-4 — teams never know what’s coming from one possession to the next.

Noob’s call:    Getting to know Crovan’s Gate today has been fun.  Hope you’ve had a fun read.   But Marron have quietly won FIVE in a row.   No one’s scoring on them (by Sudric standards).   A month ago, there was a chasm in the table between 10th and 11th.  Not now.   Marron are a’comin’.  Marron   1-3.

Arlesburgh United target sacked Leicester FC coach Claude Puel

Arlesburgh, Isle of Sodor – February 26, 2019

Image result for Arlesburgh United crestBefore the rumor mill starts swirling over his next job possibilities, Isle of Sodor Premier League club Arlesburgh United are taking their shot at a big target – Claude Puel.

Image result for funny Claude Puel

“I’m a coaching target thihhhs bihhhg.”

Puel was sacked as manager on Feb. 24 by Leicester FC.   That same day, 96 year old Arlesburgh United coach Pete Mylchreest his retirement.  Coincidence?  (Almost certainly.  But what the hell.)

So how does a club from somewhere like Sodor go after a manager with a legitimate big league pedigree–  Lille, Lyon, Nice, Southampton, Sunderland, Leicester City…Arlesburgh?   You point out the pros and let the chips fall where they may.  With Noob’s help.

  • Claude, you’ve never been able to hang onto elite talent anywhere you’ve coached.  No problem in Arlesburgh!  The Pirates are in last here in the IoS PL’s inaugural season.  No talent to be found here, even by Sudric standards.  Image result for senior citizens soccer team
  • Arlesburgh are certainly getting demoted to the IoS Championship.   A year to get your feet under you in a new country should sound relaxing.
  • Then you get to be the hero probably getting the Promoted back to Premier!   Trust Noob.  Village teams like Cabalnoo and others that even devotees of “Thomas the Tank Engine” would be hard-pressed to find on a map won’t present a manager of your stature any problem.
  • You don’t like to give much to the press.  Noob’s the exclusive coverage guy here!   And I’ll leave you alone.   I’m more of a Sodor east coast kind of fellow.  Arlesburgh is too close to the Isle of Mann for me  The Manx smell awful and can’t be trusted.

Image result for suspicious looking old people

 

These Manx children have poisoned lips, I promise.   Manx children murder old ladies all the time.

  • Arlesburgh is the oldest settlement on the Isle.  The folk residing here run really old.   And the ones who aren’t old dress up as such for matches (supporters group is ‘The Ancients’).   At 57 years old, you’ll feel right at home, and they’ll likely find you a breath of fresh air.
  • Do you really want to get stuck in England’s Championship?  You’re not getting another Premier job right away, if ever.  Besides, the whole Brexit thing sounds nasty.
  • Would you really want to return to France?   Taking a non-PSG job in that farmer’s league is worse than England’s Championship.  Just say no. Image result for england vs france funny

 

 

But coach in Sodor.   You don’t want to wait up to a year and end up with the Philadelphia Union.   *shudders*

 

  • Think of this as semi-retirement.  Mostly retirement, less even “semi-“.  Everyone dies somewhere.
  • There’s a water wheel that’s cool to look at, and it’s bigger than “the world’s biggest” over in Laxey, Isle of Man, whatever they claim.   Again, you can’t trust those Manx louts.  Not ever.
  • The public transit is amazing, featuring state-of-the-art talking trains.  OK, no talking trains.  That’s the silly, fun tv show.  But it’s based on the real Isle, and the train system really is quite good.

When reached for a comment, Puel said through his representative: “Where?  That’s….unbelievable.”   So, um, you’re coming then?