Tag: Isle of Sodor Premier League

Classic Noob revisited – “We are D-2” / “We Are the World”

Noob is preparing to morph this project into largely exclusive coverage of the inaugural Isle of Sodor Premier League coverage.    There will be joy.

In the meantime, please indulge in the D-Twos-Day Interviews.    This was the final post in that category (Page on right for all of them). 

Welcome, Noobites, to the final 2017 edition of D-Twos-Day Interview.  Noob’s had the unparalleled pleasure of interviewing coaches and myriad figures from the part of the soccer world we most celebrate: North American second division leagues!

But one of them, the North American Soccer League, is on its last legs.  They need our help!  Inspired by the 80’s classic song that raised nearly $150M in 2017-adjusted dollars to aid famine relief in Africa, Noob has gotten together an all-star cast to record a new version of”We Are the World”.

Thank you to all the surviving artists involved with the original for joining us.  Special thanks to Dominic Kinnear for not breaking out mid-song into any Rush classic.

And no, Noob has no idea how this will help.  But it WILL.  And if you don’t get this, go back and check out all the great Interviews!  The segment returns in 2018.

Lionel Richie:   There comes a time when we heed a certain call
When D-2 must come together as one.
Paul Simon:   A tier-two league is dying
And it’s time to lend a hand to NASL
Paul, Kenny Rogers:   A soccer gift for all.

Noob:  Noob can’t go on pretending day by day
That somehow, some way it’s gonna get saved
Tina Turner:   We’re all a part of D-2’s big family
Billy Joel:  And the truth, you know,
Noob, Tina, Billy:   Is this is all we neeeeeeeed

Choir:   We are D-2.  We are the coaches
We are the fans, the concerned parties
So let’s keep singing
Diana Ross:   It’s a choice we’re making
It’s not just USL
Diana Ross and NASL federal case judge Margo K. Brodie:   It takes both leagues to make a better day
Just wait and seeeeeee!

Puerto Rico FC head coach Marco Velez:   Thought Noob was my tio, but now I call him Noober
And our lives together are stronger and free
Willie Nelson:   As we have shown you, by calling him “asshat”
Willie and Marco Velez:   We’re strong.  And nothing can defeat us now!
(background: Cyndi Lauper – “but Miami FCeeeeeeee!)

Edmonton FC head coach Colin Miller:   Called him the C-word – in Scottish Gaelic
But he mailed me booze, 30 years old
Turns out Noob’s no dick!

(background: Noob – “Could we find a way to rephrase that please?)

New York Cosmos owner Rocco Commisso:  D-2 status be damned
Noob agrees with me
It’s true we should just care
About qualiteeee!

L.A. Galaxy asst. coach Dominic Kinnear:   When you’re down and out, there seems no hope at all
Huey Lewis:   But if you just believe there’s no way we can fall
Cyndi Lauper:   Well, well, well!  Let’s realize that a change can only come
Huey, Cyndi, Kim Carnes, and OKC Energy ‘Grid’ fan club prez Joseph Pugh:   When we stand together as one!
(Joseph Pugh cont.:  “WOOO!!  Do it, Nooner!)

Choir:   They went dark-arts, went Santeria
Burned rabbit bones and burned Pele’s jock
To save our leaaaaague!
Incoming USL club owner Bobby Jones:  Noob hates my teams’ name – boring Austin FC.
Jacksonville Armada owner Robert Palmer:  At least he didn’t think you were a reincarnated pop-rock arteeeeest.

(key change!)

Choir:  We are the fans, the concerned parties
So let’s keep singing
It’s a choice we’re making
It’s not just USL.
It takes both leagues to make a better day
Just wait and seeeeeee!

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/25) soccer match previews – MLS semifinals lead the way!

The ten most important matches to follow, fur us – the newish American fans of the global game.   Hopefully with just enough kick from coverage of leagues occasionally far and wide to provide a little something for our more seasoned fan-friends as well.

Note:  No Isle of Sodor Premier League this week.   With the season there set to be a few matches shorter than most European domestic leagues, they’ve scheduled a break every few weeks.    Sodor’s a laid back place, if you’ve never been.

1. Atlanta United vs. New York Red Bulls – Major League Soccer

The Semifinals! Like the quarters, these will be decided with two-legged ties (home-and-away series). And it’s between the Eastern Conference’s two top finishers. Dreamy.

Red Bulls are your Supporters Shield winners, meaning they had the best record in the regular season for the entire league. They’ve won six of seven matches, the only loss being last round to Columbus Crew. They trailed Atlanta in the Eastern Division all season, catching them just at the end. Names to know are: Tyler Adams, young, talented US Men’s National Team midfielder; Brandon Wright-Phillips, star striker; and most of all, Luis Robles. This is the best defensive team in the league and he’s the goalie.

Atlanta blew the Shield on the last day of the regular season, getting routed by non-playoff Toronto 4-1. But it’s not like they entered on a losing streak or anything, have been as hot as NYRB. They’re the scoring juggernaut of the league. Josef Martinez is their record-setting scorer, Miguel Almiron the name to know in their midfield, and USMNT veteran Brad Guzan is the netminder.

There – enough to get you through water-cooler chat, watch the game and have some info to go on. Now go, be free! If you are desirous of more in-depth preview info, it’s out there. I’m going to! But this is Noob and this level of preview is our niche.   (5:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   Atlanta   3-0         Franco Escobar with a goal and an assist

B. Portland Timbers vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

Don’t like to usually over multiple matches from any league on a given day, even MLS. Noob’s job is to filter. But it’s the Semis! An

Portland entered the Western Conference side of the playoffs as the #5 seed. They’ve been up and down since late spring, but never dropped out of the postseason mix thanks to an early, bigtime non-losing streak. But they won the Battle of Cascadia against runners-up Seattle last round. Can’t discount them.

One wonders when Kansas City might just drop from exhaustion. They were in a dogfight for the #1 seed all season long with FC Dallas. They won the U.S. Open Cup that ran concurrently with the MLS season. Noob feels winded just thinking about it. But it helps that this is the most balanced team in the league – second-best on O and D both.

They haven’t lost since September, hottest team remaining, doing it in both high and low-scoring matches. Danny Salloi might star with a goal and assist. Or USMNT man Tim Melia might and last year’s Defensive POY Ike Opara might put on a shutout.   (7:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for sleepy letter B

 

 

 

Very funny, Number B.   *yawn*   C’mon, knock it off.

3. Pumas UNAM vs. Santos – Liga MX

Match 17, the last for each in the Apertura (second half-season). Top eight teams make the Liguilla (postseason tournament). These two are tied for 3rd on points in the table, Pumas leading by a point on tiebreaking goal differential. In other words, a draw would be enough for Pumas to get that #3 seed.

UNAM have just once since September, and that was to #1 Cruz Azul. Santos are on a similar streak, though theirs is peppered with a lot more draws. It’s their offense that’d faded a bit.   (1:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   1-1      After this and all other results, there was a three-way tie in the table for 3rd.  But these two stayed where they were in the pecking order after GD tiebreaker.

4. AFC Bournemouth vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

Huzzah, Noob’s favorite two teams from EPL! Always a Fighting Cherry first. Go, home team. But Arsenal, you have a piece of my heart as well, as rivals to the traitorously-named and always-reviled Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur.

5th-place Arsenal are on a 12 match non-losing streak. Two early losses in league and no marks against them since. Top four finishers will make the next Champions League. Arsenal haven’t shown they can quite defend or score like the very best, but they’re lurking.

Bournemouth are tied for 8th, have a game in hand over the two teams that passed them yesterday. This is a small market team performing incredibly well. Sadly for Noob, talk is that their current manager Eddie Howe is likely to get hired away by a big, big club sooner rather than later for his tremendous performance there.

The magic may be fading just a little, though, as they’ve lost two in a row. Not that a couple of 2-1 losses are redefining their season or anything. They’re another notch down the scale from Arsenal on offensive prowess, but defend about as well. And they have a knack for come-from-behind wins the last couple seasons. Even if Arsenal score first, they won’t be able to just sit on the ball.   (8:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   1-2   Arsenal          AFCB did come back from down the first goal, but Arsenal is a bit better on the attacking end.   Well-played match by both sides.

Image result for fighting cherries

 

 

Infighting Cherries…

5. Lazio vs. AC Milan – Italy Serie A

The top four in Italy also qualify for the next Champions league. These are two clubs very likely to be battling for that fourth and final spot in the table. Juventus is running away with the league already, and the next two have separated themselves from the rest of the pack.

Lazio are lacking a bit of the scoring punch they had last year as they battled for the season title. Milan are more balanced, will give their hosts all they can handle and more. Before a loss to Juve last time out, they hadn’t lost in four matches.   (12:00 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   1-1

6. Beijing Gouan vs. Shandong Luneng – China FA Cup

The Final! Unlike most or all European Cup tournaments, as well as America’s, this is a two-legged, home-and-away tie. This is the first match.

China’s Super League season just ended, and these two finished in 4th and 3rd place. Those spots are good for AFC Champions League berths.

What’s strange-seeming to Noob is that the winner of these Finals will qualify for straight through to the Group Stage of CL, with the loser having to first play in qualifying round before that stage. Would these have been the stakes were these Finals being contested between clubs in other parts of the Superleague standings?

In any case, this should be a very evenly-matched Finals. Beijing are the more defensively-focused side, so look for today’s match to be lower-scoring at their place.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for confused by CHinese

 

 

If Jackie can’t figure it all out, what hope does a Noob have?

7. La Guaira vs. Lara – Venezuela Premier

Mas Finals? You betcha. This is the Clausura (second half-season) tournament. Unlike some leagues, the Apertura and Clausura champions will not meet to play for an overall title for the year.

Last week, defensive whizzes Lara did their thing, holding La Guaira scoreless. But Lara didn’t score, either. Now the #4 seed has to travel to #B and outscore them in the second leg.

RESULT:   Lara   0-1          Hail to the victors!  Lara got the only goal of the two-legged tie at 90′ mark.

8. FC Olexandria vs. Dynamo Kiev – Ukraine Premier

#3 hosts #B in Europe’s 9th ranked league. That’s high enough that they qualify two teams into the next Champions League. Good thing for these two, too, as Shakhtar Donestk is way up on the field.

D.K. Only lead upstart Olexandria by two points in the table. Dynamo are a perennial power, but FCO didn’t even make the top half of last year’s standings. Dynamo also only give up a goal a little less often than once every other match. Noob’s doubtful FCO can pressure their guests enough to get a win today.

RESULT:   Olexandria   3-2          So much for no pressure!

Image result for fc olexandria

 

 

 

FC Olexandria, getting our Cyrillic on.

9. Copenhagen vs. Midtjylland – Denmark Superliga

UEFA’s #13 league gives us a shiny #B-#1 matchup.

They’re actually tied on points in the table, with the guests today leading on GD. They’ll both easily qualify for Champions League, having separated themselves by quite a bit halfway through the season.

Midtjylland are the defending champions and current scoring leaders, the only Danish team to be clipping along at more than 2.5 goals per match.

RESULT:   Copenhagen  2-1       Jan Gregus gave up an own-goal that tied that game before scoring the winner for the league’s new #1.

10. Lechia Gdansk vs. Jagiellonia Bialystok – Poland Ekstraklasa

We finish our weekend Tracking in the #25 league in Europe. That’s only good for one Champions League berth. They’ve got one whale of a race shaping up for it.

Gdansk are the current leaders, but J.B. and one other team trail by just three points in the table. A total of six teams are within single-digit points of the lead. Still, these two are statistically the best, if not by leaps and bounds. Particularly for Gdansk and the margin they’d get, a win today could be season-defining.

RESULT:   Gdansk   3-2            Noob’s pick of Wisla Krakow to win the league is looking seriously in jeopardy 🙂

Image result for Gdansk funny

 

 

So long from Gdnask, Poland!

Come for the footyball, stay for the time of your life.  Apparently.

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/18) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads us once again

European International break doesn’t stop the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game!   Can’t even slow this train down.

1. England vs. Croatia – UEFA Nations League

Here’s the link to my brief Explainer on what this event is:

http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

This is the last match to be played in this League A group of three. Spain is done, two points up on both these teams. So if either wins, that team goes to the Playoffs. If the match ends in a draw, Spain advances.

FIFA-ranked #5 England surely had no trouble with the USMNT in their recent friendly. They haven’t lost in their last four matches overall, between this event and friendlies. And the offense has picked up, with six goals in their last two matches.

#4 Croatia will be a stern test. They struggled after losing to France in the World Cup final. But a friendly win over Jordan and 3-2 win over Spain in this tournament seem to indicate they’re back in form.

Key players to watch today will be Raheem Sterling for England (two goals in the Spain match) and Tin Jedvaj for Croatia (two goals in their Spain match).   (9:00 AM EST, ESPN2)

B. Switzerland vs. Belgium – UEFA Nations League

This is another League A match. Different Group, of course. #1-ranked Belgium – who haven’t lost in six straight – lead the Swiss by three heading into this last match. But they’re tied on goal differential, so win of any margin for #8-Switzerland puts them in the Playoffs on the GD tiebreaker.

While it can be easy to overvalue friendlies, a home 0-1 loss to Qatar in their last outing isn’t promising for Switzerland. They haven’t beaten anyone but Group-last place Iceland (twice) since June.   (2:45 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Switzerland 5-2         Playoff time for the Swiss

Image result for icelandic letter B

buRES

 

Two letter A’s in the Icelandic alphabet.  Fine.

But there’s only one Number B.

3. Guinea vs. Ivory Coast – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

The ACN is next year, Africa’s top tournament for men’s national teams. Groups of four are competing in this current event, with the top two finishers in each getting in.

Two matches to go in Group H. Guinea lead Ivory Coast by three in the table. Between the two of them, they haven’t lost in ten matches overall. They’re ranked #65 and #64 in the world, respectively.   (12:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   1-1

4. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lyon – France Division 1

This is the French women’s top flite. Lyon is the major power in all Europe, has been for years. They’re undefeated again, have outscored opponents 37-1.

Today represents their toughest test of the year. PSG are also undefeated, though someone got a draw on them. Their GD is 24-3. Noob thinks they can keep this within a goal, but no better.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for angry French women

 

Never doubt that the women of France aren’t tough tough tough.

5. SS Jeanne d’Arc vs. Besancon Football – Coupe de France

Like yesterday, we’re catching another early (7th-) round match of the French FA Cup in order to spy on a CONCACAF team.

Noob’s not sure how Reunion qualifies its two teams into this event. JdA only finished 5th in last year’s Reunion Premier. Neither did they win the territory’s own Cup tournament. They’re #B in this year’s league season, which is nearly done. They still don’t score much, but the defense has been much improved.

Besancon play in Championnat National 3, France’s fifth-tier league. This league has many regional divisions (groups). They play in Bourgogne-Franche-Comté (Group E). They’re in 5th place in their league season. They don’t score much, either. Noob’s not got the experience to handicap a match like this, but doens’t look like it’s likely to be a high-scoring affair.

RESULT:   Besancon   0-1  AET

6. Tauro vs. Arabe Unido – Panama National League

They’ve reached the Apertura (first half-season) postseason Semifinals here. This is the first match of a two-legged tie to see which will play for the title. Tauro are the #3 seed, play much more offensively than anyone else in that league. Arabe Unido won several close matches to get the #B seed. If Tauro score early in this, Noob predicts a rout will ensue.

RESULT:   Tauro   2-0

Image result for tauro fc

 

 

Noob is not down with the bull half-face thing.

That feels like nightmare-fodder.

7. Nicaragua vs. Haiti – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Six of CONCACAF’s best men’s national teams are not having to participate in this event. They will be placed in League A of the inaugural Nations League next year. All the other member nations are battling for placement in the various League levels, just like UEFA’s NL set-up. The top ten finishers in this event will also qualify for the Gold Cup, the federation’s biennial championship.

Since each team plays just four games, there’s a lot of room for volatility. And we’re getting it. Haiti are ranked just #102 in the world, yet are in 1st in this event with just this last match to go. They’ve outscored opponents 17-1.

Nicaragua are ranked even lower (#127), but also vying for a Gold Cup slot. They’re in 9th. They likely need a win to maintain their GC invitation, though a draw today doesn’t leave them out automatically. They only score half again as much as Haiti have been, are just an even match on their own pitch today.

RESULT:   Haiti   0-2

8. Brendam United vs. Brendam Harbor – Isle of Sodor Premier League

Noob’s exclusive coverage of the Isle’s inaugural FA league continues! I haven’t been able to yet give the IoSPL the attention I intended to, especially given how closely I documented the first-ever IoS FA Cup here over the summer. I’ve been hopping the pond quite a bit, soccer and other obligations keeping me stateside oft times.

Suffice it to say for now that these are historically two of the best teams on Sodor. Of course, that “history” is tons of friendlies and loose, sporadic league-like organizations that have come and gone over many years here. Now that they’re organizing their football on this national scale, it’s hard to know how much water past results hold.

Also, Harbor won the FA Cup. And on defense, a soccer virtue not typically held in particular esteem on the Isle. Shockingly, B-Utd didn’t even make it out of the Group Stage, finishing third there. Just couldn’t find the offense (four goals in three matches).

RESULT:   Brendam Utd   10-3         As often happens on Sodor, once a team is 2-3 goals late,  what little defense might’ve been happening evaporates.

Image result for what happened?

 

I don’t know.  The font just went weird.    

I blame having switched from MS Word to OpenOffice.

9. Tahiti vs. New Caledonia – Women’s World Cup qualification

Eight teams from the OFC are vying for one spot in World Cup next year. They’ve been divided into two Groups, with the top two finishers in each advancing to a Knockout Round.

This is the first match for both teams. They’re ranked #157 and #155 in the world. This makes them the fourth and third-best teams in this federation.

RESULT:    N.C.   2-4

10. Vitoria Setubal vs. Tondela – Portugal League Cup

The Taca de Liga has just reached its Group Stage, where 16 teams remain. They’ve been divided into Groups of four. Only the winners of each will advance to the Knockout Round.

This is not the country’s FA Cup, but rather a secondary Cup tournament contested by only clubs from the top two leagues. V.S. is a midtable Primeira Liga team, while Tondela is a fair bit worse. The point here isn’t so much this particular match so much as to just introduce Noobites to the tournament period.

RESULT:   Tondela   1-2

Image result for Setubal funny

 

So long from Setubal!

Come for the soccer, stay for the boutique apartments.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday – World Cup, Isle of Sodor, suckitude, and Lalas

‘T’will be an EPIC Monday.

Relegation matches, celebrating the suckitude of teams about to go down a league?  Check.  Oh, and did Noob dig deep to find them.

World Cup!  Natch.  Isle of Sodor – Knockout Round of 16 begins.

And for that last, we’ve brought in Alexi Lalas, American soccer hero.  You read that right.  The Lalas.   Noobites, it’s a special day.

  1. Mexico vs. Brazil – FIFA World Cup

Many an American has jumped on the bandwagon for “El Tri”.  Many others have bashed the former for it.  Noob holds no position.  Root for a neighbor; cheer against our rivals.  No lives or loves are lost over it.  And it anyone gives you grief, you poonch that naysayer right in the snoosage.

Noob’s research shows Mexico are 6:1 underdogs.   Brazil are the five-time champions and ranked #2 in the world, so it’s understandable.  But Mexico did beat #1 Germany (now out of the tournament), so nothing result here would be earth-shattering.

Brazil brings so much firepower, they will be hard to contain.  Neymar.  Coutinho.  Paulinho, too, if those first two get too covered up.  For Mexico, Javier Hernandez if their penalty box-prowler who will be looking for stickbacks.

And there you have it, Noobites!   Just enough to get you through water cooler chat.  Now go, be free!  Search out more in-depth analysis on the interwebs, should the Spirit move you.  Noob will.   (10:00 AM, Fox)

RESULT:   Brazil   2-0     Mexico apparently talked a lot.  Neymar, as usual, flopped a lot and got tons of calls.

Image result for water cooler gossip funny

B.  Brendam Harbor vs. Junction & Sheds – Isle of Sodor Premier

Now that the Knockout Round is here, a little about each of our competitors:

B.H hosts today’s match.  Brendam is one of the few towns seemingly large enough for two clubs, even non-professional ones on Sodor.  Brendam Harbor draws its players from the actual harbor area and southern city-proper.  Everyone on Sodor is a hard worker, but this is definitely the blue collar, working man’s team.

Brendam United plays just north of the city, further inland on this south-centrally located peninsula.  They are more “suburban”, if Sodor has what most would call truly “urban” areas.

While there isn’t much in the way of mean-spiritedness regarding much of anything on Sodor (occasional crossness, certainly), be sure that the Harbormen are happy the purported best team on the island in United didn’t make it out of the Group Stage.  Harbor are considered second-best, on the entire Isle even.  Once the first-ever IoS Premier League starts in a few months, we’ll all see who everyone truly stacks up though.

Knapford is a larger town than Brendam, one of the two “main towns” on the island. It sits on the central West Coast, just southwest across the water from southeast Isle of Man.

Just like Brendam, the town fields two clubs (Knapford Town the other).  Both have their blue-collar bases.  Historically, J&S have drawn from the eastern, more inland portion of Knapford.  The club was started by railway workers.  (Knapford Town is east “old town” Knapford, predominately dockyard and harbor territory.

Only five of the eight teams from Pot One – considered the best on the Isle – survived the Group Stage.  Here, two of them face off.  Brendam Harbor won group D with what few teams play much of on Sodor – defense.  J&S go totally the other way.  They allowed 14 goals in three Group Stage matches, still advanced with a positive goal differential.

Noob is on the Tweeterbox, and had the good fortune to get in a Q&A with an American soccer all-timer and current broadcaster recently.   His take when asked who would win the match:

“Shed’s in the bag.” – Alexi Lalas

The Lalas has spoken!   Now to find out if his words are truly, well, truth.  Let the Round of 16 begin!

RESULT:   Brendam Harbor   4-4 / 3-2 pk      What a start to the Knockout Stage!    The Lalas got it wrong.  Chalk one up for Noobstradamus!   Though I’m not sure anyone saw the unusual manner of it all coming.

Late, one of the J&S players must have misunderstood something one of the BH players said.  The Shedder replied with a very unkind comment – which will not be repeated here – about the Harborman’s Manx heritage.

For those less familiar with Sudric culture — they’re a kind people, industrious… but good golly do they dislike the Isle of Man/Manx. 

They’re long since tired out on jokes about everyone knowing Man exists, but that some think Sodor is a fictional location just because of the books and TV series set there.

So J&S played the last 15 minutes with just ten players, Brendam H. caught up, and pk’s went the way of the hosts.  The Lalas is forgiven; Noobstradamus is commended.

Image result for Alexi Lalas funnyImage result for Noobstradamus

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, so this has-been ginger is doing your prognosticating now?  We’ll see about THAT.  My vision says Brendam Harbor wins, 6-1!  I am Noobstradamus.  -I- have spoken.

  1. Huachipato vs. Deportes Copiapo – Copa Chile

Chile’s FA Cup is also in its Round of 16.  Here, they play two-legged ties instead of simply single-match Knockouts.  10-th place Premier side Huachipato won the first game 1-2.

Copiapo plays in Primera B, the nation’s second tier.  They are part of a five-way tie in the table for three of the spots in the league’s Promotion Playoff.  Their focus should largely be on league, getting up to Primera level.  Hauchi will take this match, sweep the tie.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   1-1      Huachipato advances to the Quarters!

  1. LDU de Quito vs. Universidad Catolica – Ecuador Serie A

#1 hosts #3 in a distinct clash of styles.   Quito have built their three-point lead in the table (five over Catolica) on the league’s best defense.  UdC is tied for the league’s top offense.

RESULT:   Quito   2-1

Image result for LDU de quito funny

 

 

 

Que horror, es el pirate-Noob!

  1. Samgurali II vs. Aragvi Dusheti – Georgia Liga III

Third-tier Georgian league – you keep playing on Mondays, Noob’ll make you famous(ish)!

The bottom half of this 20-club league is jousting for Relegation Playoff seeding.  Samgurali are in second-to-last, and Noob thinks it could get worse.  Dusheti is in 13th, and that looks right, based on their stats.  S-II aren’t even an even match at home here.

Fun Fact:   Stalin would visit a  Bathhouse 9 in this spa resort town (Tsqaltubo) where Samgurali clubs are based.

RESULT:   Dusheti   0-4

  1. Guria vs. Matchakhela – Georgia Liga III

Matchakhela are in last place.  Neither they nor S-II can score worth a darn, but Match are less completely-awful on defense.  Not that they will be able to stop #4 Guria.  That team’s just two points outside a berth in the Promotion playoffs.  They hear the siren call of Liga II and will not be denied today.

RESULT:   Guria   1-0

Flag of Adjara

 

 

Matchakhela’s region of Adjara is an autonomous one within Georgia.

  1. Kolkheti Khobi vs. Samegrelo – Georgia Liga III

#16 Samegrelo are an interesting case in that they’re GD could or should have them much higher in the table.  They belong in the Relegation Playoff, make no mistake, but if they’d seal some deals instead of settling for so many draws, they could jump several spots in the table.

This won’t be the day they move that direction though.  K.K. are #B, and excel on both sides of the ball.  They’ll win by a couple.

Fun Fact:  When aske, “How do you pronounce Samegrelo’s townlet of Chkhorotsku?”, the correct response is to enunciate very slowly, “I don’t.”

RESULT:   K.K.   1-0

  1. Mjolner vs. Stabaek II – Norway Second Division

This is actually the Norwegian third tier of football.  Noob told you it was a time of year to dig deeply for Relegation sensation-matches.

Mjolner are 4th in the league.  They’ve played one fewer matches than most and will likely jump two spots after pasting today’s creampuffs.

Said creampuffs are one-win Stabaek II.  They do nothing remotely well and they are in last place, as is appropriate.  They’ll be one of the three teams that gets Relegated to Norway’s Third Division.

Fun Fact:  Stabaek’s first team plays in Norway’s top flight.  They are awful.

RESULT:   Mjolner   4-3

  1. Melhus vs. Levanger II – Norway Third Division

Noob wasn’t kidding.  There’s a Trackable fourth division in Norway.  And we’re on it.  There are 84 teams at this level, broken up into six (presumably regional) Groups.

Four teams will get The Boot into the fifth division (yup, it exists!) from each Group at season’s end.  Group Five’s Levanger II are in second-to-last.  They couldn’t find the back of an opponent’s net if you set them inside it.  5th-place Melhus are pretty average, but could make a move up the table after whacking these weasels today.

Fun Fact:   Levanger (I) played in the Second Division.  They’re lousy, too!

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Lokomotiv Oslo vs. KFUM II – Norway Third Division

These are the 12th and 13th-place teams in Group One.  Noob Tracks and celebrates the downtrodden, but wouldn’t want to watch this one live.  Neither team scores much or really allows tons of goals.  This will be a zero-zero draw.

RESULT:   Lokomtiv   5-0    Well, Noob was sort of half-right…

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“Lokomotiv Oslo — we play behind a middle school.”

And their marketing department is hiring.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (6/19-21) – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup lead the way

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  Noob’s mantra.  It’s mostly Cup action for the midweek, FIFA World and Isle of Sodor.

Noob’s on a whirlwind tour of Sodor, hustling from one village or town to the next each day for matches as I continue my seemingly exclusive online coverage.  To this end, I’m posting just the two feature matches for Tuesday from here in Glennock, even though the train ride to Crovan’s Gate for tomorrow’s key game isn’t long, even by Sodor standards.

Tuesday

  1. Colombia vs. Japan – FIFA World Cup

Welcome to Group G.  All four teams here play their first match today.  Favorite Poland face off against Senegal.  #16 FIFA-ranked Colombia is likely to be the other one to advance.  Japan are just #61 in the world.

Colombia seem an interesting case.  In the last friendlies before a major event, teams begin letting their likely starters play together.  No more auditions, so to speak.  They actually beat France not long ago, but then only managed scoreless draws against Tunisia and Australia leading up to WC.

Lowly Japan actually managed a win against a decent non-Cup-Bound Paraguay side in their last match.  They haven’t tested themselves against the caliber of competition they’ll face here in Russia, and they didn’t perform well even against those teams by and large.

And there’s your water cooler chat-level mini-preview!   Now go, be free!  Dig deeper on the interwebs for more in-depth pre-game analysis.  Noob will.  But this is what we do here.   (8:00 AM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   Japan   1-2     But anything is possible when one team is down a man after just three minutes!   Colombia lost a man to a red card for a handball in the box.  Japan scored the ensuing penalty, gave up the lead, then reclaimed it in the second half.  

Senegal also upset Poland 1-2 today in this Group, so it’s going to be a wild one!

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B.  Crovan’s Gate vs. Brendam United – Isle of Sodor Premier

Welcome back to Group A.  One of the event’s favorites – Brendam Utd. lost by a bad 0-3 margin, even if it was to fellow future IoS Premier Leaguers Tidmouth Works.  We’ll see if that was a wake-up call and they put a hurting on Crovan’s Gate.

CG only lost their first Cup match by two, but it was to Toryreck – a qualifier that will be in the bottom division when leagues’ officially form and kick off in a few months.  And CG gave up five goals.  They’ll be playing in the middle of three domestic divisions.

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Here Noob comes!

 

 

Wednesday

  1. Iran vs. Spain – FIFA World Cup

Portugal and Spain played a match for the ages a few days ago, ending in a 3-3 draw.  Spain will be looking for three points here against the second-highest ranked Asian team (but FIFA-ranked just #37).  Iran got a surprising 1-0 win over Morocco.  Even a draw somehow today keeps them very much alive to advance.

This is an interesting matchup for a couple reasons style- and player-wise.   Diego Costa scored two goals for Spain against Portugal, but may not have room to operate against Iran – a tight defensively-oriented side.  A more creative player like Isco may be one to watch setting up unique opportunities in the front third.

Spain showed some defensive problems in that first match.  Some will argue that might help Iran.  But Iran is going to have trouble possessing the ball at all to try and score as Spain presses.

And there you have it, Noobites!  Water cooler chat-level mini-preview success.  Now go, be free!  Noob is out there reading more in-depth preview analysis and invites you to do likewise.   (2:00 PM, Fox)

RESULT:   Spain   0-1      Isco was your Man of the Match with his ball control, passing

  1. LAFC vs. Sacramento Republic – U.S. Open Cup

The second four matches of the Round of 16 in America’s FA Cup are all today.  This is the one that features the only non-MLS side remaining.

Sacramento Republic are out of the second division-USL.  They finished 8th in the Western Conference last year, just making the playoffs.  This season, they’re in a surprising third place– despite some offensive trouble.

MLS-expansion LAFC is all the way up in 3rd as well in their West.    They struggle on defense, but score like it’s going out of style.  It’s unfortunate for Sacramento the draw for home pitch didn’t go their way.  This may not be competitive.  But everyone loves a Minnow (non-top division underdog), so Noob’ll be pulling for ‘em!

RESULT:   LAFC   3-2     High drama!   Equalizer at 68′, then the go-ahead by aptly-named Latif Blessing at 89′.

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Boooooo.  BOOOOO!

  1. Vicarstown vs. Peel Godred – Isle of Sodor Cup

Hello from Barrow, England!  Look, Noob enjoys Vicarstown the town, but somehow being in Barrow just makes me feel more… real, somehow.  Grounded?  Maybe.  But I’ll be crossing the bridge from Cumbria to The Isle for this super duper Group H matchup!

Group favorite Peel scored a narrow victory over future-second division club Callan FC 2-1.  Now they hit the road to face Vicarstown, a team that is expected to finish at the bottom of the coming Premier League.  They were upset 1-2 at Elsbridge in their first match.

Given that the nature of football play on Sodor has been so loosely organized, it’s hard to handicap games here.  Things will be clearer after a couple years of formal league play, which starts in a few months.  They don’t formally gamble on Sodor, but Noob did throw down a few quid on V-town just because it’s home for them.  Another advantage to sleeping on the English side of Walney Channel.

RESULT:   Vicarstown   5-1          And just like an Iranian fan’s wallet did the fire-trick which he used to try and light a cigarette at his teams World Cup match against Argentina today, a women’s whole purse went up when in a similar incident outside the venue.  High drama!

  1. O’Higgins vs. Colchagua – Copa Chile

Now here’s a Minnow-match!

This is the Second Round of Chile’s FA Cup, the stage at which the 16 Premier teams enter the competition.  O’Higgins is a midtable club from that league.

Colchagua plays in the Segunda Division – the third tier of football in Chile – where they are #B in the table.  These two are from the same geographic area and are very much rivals.   The first match of this two-legged tie ended in a 1-1 draw.  Expecting Colchagua to manage as much and more on the road today is a lot.  But here’s to hoping!

RESULT:   Colchagua   0-0  /  5-6 pk      Somehow Noob had some wrong info on this one.  The first match had ended in a scoreless draw.  Still — Minnow success!

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Uh oh.

Don’t let the luck run out of that horseshoe, boys.

  1. KuPS vs. HJK – Finland Veikkausliga

The Finnish top flight is the lowest-ranked of the Nordic domestic leagues.  But hey– they’re playing!

When Noob first scouted and selected this match, it was a mighty #B/#1 matchup.  Since then, RoPS have overtaken KuPS for Bth place (boy do the Finns love their alphabet soup).  No matter.  Everyone is chasing defending champs HJK again this season.

KuPS lead the league in offense, but barely over HJK – which has the far superior defense.   If the pace is hot, KuPS can win a shootout today in front of the home fans.

RESULT:   2-2

Thursday

  1. Argentina vs. Croatia – FIFA World Cup

One of the bigger stories early on has been that Iceland managed a draw against Argentina in their first match.  The good news for Argentina:  They dominated Iceland statistically.  The bad news:  This continues a trend of not performing well in recent months against WC-level competition.  Friendlies are only that, but patterns are hard to ignore.  The #5-ranked team in the world should be doing better.

Croatia took care of business against Nigeria with a 2-0 win in their first game.  Any result here puts them in excellent position to advance.  Look for them to try and keep the game slow-paced.

Key players:  If you’re following football at all, you know Messi.  Even Noob and Noobites.  Veteran Luka Modric (who plays for Real Madrid) is the name to watch for with Croatia.  He plays midfield.

Additional note:  Croatia sent a team member home after he refused to come on as a sub in their first match.  Not the biggest controversy, but any distraction can obviously get magnified at World Cup.

RESULT:   Croatia   0-3    Argentina may be about to be out of contention to advance!   Modric salted this one away with a screamer from above the box to make it 0-2.  

The first goal happened when back-up goalkeeper Cabellero failed to clear a back pass, instead lofting a little pass, basically, to an opposing player who howled it in.

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Noob hopes this is exactly how that played out.

  1. Colo-Colo vs. Atletico Ñublense – Copa Chile

Not to make it about Noob, but if you don’t think I’m not rooting for Ñublense forever and ever just because of their club name pronunciation, you’re cray-cray.

More, they stunned the famed powerhouse Primera club 2-0 in the first match of this two-legged tie!    The Longaniza Mecánica are currently in 4th place in the second-tier Primera B.  The other teams right around them look stronger there (they struggle a bit on offense), making their progress in the Copa all the more awesome.

Colo-Colo have also had problems scoring goals in league this season.  The defending champions are in just 6th.  Still, they’re in different leagues for a reason.  Colo-Colo will win at home today.  The question is simply will they win by enough to advance to the bracketed stage next.

RESULT:    Colo Colo   2-1      And so it’s Noob-lense that advances, on aggregate 2-3!

  1. Norramby vs. Cabalnoo – Isle of Sodor Cup

Noob loves Norramby.  Reminds me of Bournemouth, which is a Noob-fave club.  Little resort town of sorts.  They’ll be playing in the inaugural second division of the three formally starting next year on Sodor.

Cablalnoo is a small village, pretty close to far larger Kirk Ronan.  They will play in the bottom division, played through qualifiers to get here.  They got a surprising 5-5 draw against their larger rivals in their first match!  Norramby played Dryaw to a scoreless draw.  They don’t play a lot of defense on Sodor, so this is the anti-double rainbow of footyball happenings here.

So, Group B is wide open.  Can little ‘Noo surprise with another result today?

RESULT:   Cabalnoo   5-10    A Sudric suprise for the soccer ages!   Norramby really need the two middle teams in Group B to have a draw in their upcoming match.

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So long from the IsleSound Cafe, Norramby!