Tag: Kayserispor

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (5/7) – suckitude powers, engage!

Monday, Noob will not fight you.  Never have, never will.  Instead, I embrace your dark side.

Join me, Noobites, in getting to know some teams that are about to get Departed from their current league.  May they rest in peace in lower leagues.

But first, three non-Relegation matches of varying import —

  1. Penn FC vs. Ottawa Fury – USL

If the U.S. had promotion/relegation, these two would be candidates to go down to the third tier.

Penn FC are the previously-named Harrisburg City Islanders.  Rebranding, meh.  Spend time scouting some players who can score instead.  (Five goals in seven games)   You’re in 13th.

Ottawa is one of the NASL clubs that have moved over this season from that currently non-operational league.  They stunk there, they stink in USL.  Last place.  They’re offense makes Penn’s look hyoooooj.  (Two goals in six games)

So why Track it?   Honestly?  Because it’s the only U.S. match at either of the top two levels today.  Muricuh!

Noobstradamus Sees:   Penn 1-0, in front of a crowd of dozens.  Rebranding, haha.

RESULT:   Ottawa   0-1   Game-winner scored in the 87′

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Soooo much Muricuh it’s blinding.

B.  Al-Sadd vs. Al Ahli – AFC Champions League

The Group Stage survivors now begin the knockout Round of 16.

Al-Sadd finished #B in their Group.  They also finished #B in Qatar’s top-flight league (#3-ranked in Asia) and won the nation’s FA Cup.  Al Ahli finished #B in the Saudi Premier (#7-ranked).

Noobstradamus Sees:   2-2     Al Ahli are better, but Al-Sadd has been scoring like on a pinball machine.

RESULT:   Al-Sadd   2-1

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Number B, retro-cool

  1. Besiktas vs. Kayserispor – Turkey Super League

Europe’s most dramatic league finish is in Turkey.  The top three clubs are separated by just three points.

#4 Besiktas have played one fewer matches than the leaders, can move within a point of #B/#3 with a win today.  #8 Kayserispor have overachieved to even be that high in the table.

Noobstradamus Sees:  The home Black Eagles winning 3-1.

RESULT:   Besiktas   2-0

  1. Anzhi Makhachkala vs. FK Akhmat – Russia Premier

Makhachkala are in a precarious position with just one league match to play.

In this 16-team league, they are tied for 14th (ahead on GD).  The bottom two will be automatically relegated.  The next two play in a Relegation Playoff for a chance to stay in Premier.

Noobstradamus Sees:   #11 Akhmat getting the road win, 1-2.  The hosts can’t defend worth a lick.

RESULT:   Akhmat   0-2

Fun Fact:  Anhzi means “pearl” in a somewhat local Turkic language

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Speaking of no defense…

  1. Pacos de Ferreira vs. Rio Ave – Primeira Liga

It’s a party at the bottom of Portugal’s top-flight table– there’s a three-way tie for last!  PdF have the best chance of avoiding The Boot though, as they have two matches to play.  Their peers are down to just one.

The bad news is that Rio Ave is #5 in the league, play the best defense outside of the league’s runaway top four.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Rio Ave  0-2

RESULT:   0-0

Fun Fact:  PdF are “the Beavers”.

  1. Sepsi OSK vs. Concordia Chiajna – Romania Liga I

Chiajna are in third-to-last place.  Whichever club finishes in that spot will play the 3rd-place team from Liga II for the right to be in Liga I next season.  Sepsi are two points up the table.   This league has several matches still to play, and things at the bottom are tight.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Chiajna 0-2    Sepsi returns to their woeful offense-ways after a stretch of decent football.

RESULT:   Chiajna   0-2    See, Noobstradamus sees all!  Well, some.  A little…

Fun Fact:  Chiajna is really three villages, with a combined pop. of less than 9000.

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Chiajna Monastery

  1. Etar vs. Pirin Blagoevgrad – Bulgaria First Pro League

Bulgaria’s Relegation system is so unnecessarily drawn out.  Noob started to spell it all out here, but it was dizzying.

Here’s the need-to-know.  The worst four teams now play in a bracketed Relegation Playoff.  these are two of those.  They will be joined in the end by the #B and #3 Liga II teams.  Win two games, you’re saved.  Otherwise, demoted.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Stars, and a spinning room.  Bulgaria, clean this crap up.

RESULT:   Etar   2-1

Fun Fact:   No Fun Fact for you, Bulgaria!  Clean.  This.  Up.

  1. Sirius vs. Orebro – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

This summer league is just beginning.  Still, Sirius is near the bottom, trying to ramp up their league-worst offense.  Orebro are in 5th, one of three still-undefeated teams.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Orebro 0-2

RESULT:   Orebro   2-4

Fun Fact:  IK Sirius is also the name of a bandy club, bandy being basically ice hockey, but with a ball.   Noob’s sirius.

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  1. Banfield vs. Chacarita Juniors – Argentina Premier

All four sides to be Relegated here are already determined.  So long “Undertakers”.  What a weird nickname, Chacarita.  (6:00 PM Eastern, TyC Sports International)

Noobstrdamus Sees:   0-0    Banfield are below average themselves.

Fun Fact:  The shortest word you can play in Scrabble using all the letters in “Chacarita” is “tachycardia”.

RESULT:   Banfield   2-1

  1. Johor Darul Ta’zim II vs. Sarawak FA – Indonesia Premier

They’re only about ten games into the season, but JDT II have got to start scoring if they’re going to get their first win of the year.  Sarawak are mid-table.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …you surprised to find out that despite the “Premier” name, this is not Malaysia’s top league!  That would be their “Super League”.  This doubles as the Fun Fact.

RESULT:   JDT2   2-0

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So long, from Johor Bahru, Indonesia!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (4/20) – MLS, NWSL, Liga MX keep us closer to home

TGIGF!  yet today, we won’t be hitting the soccer hinterlands quite like usual.  This is a rare Friday sched that’s chock full of great matches, in leagues Noob covers and you crave.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

Nearly every team has played five games, an arbitrary benchmark Noob uses to stop leaning on the previous seasons’ stats so heavily and look at what’s in front of us.

So what’s in front of us?  KC is #1 in the West, and they’re doing it with a wide-open style.  They lead the league in offense.  Vancouver is in 3rd.  They’re two road wins this early are impressive.  But ultimately, this team isn’t scoring enough goals.  Bad matchup for them today.

Noob’s thinking KC 3-0.  The Management should be pleased, since he is pro-all things KC.   (9:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass)

RESULT:   KC   6-0

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Where were you hiding that cake, The Management?

Noob likes chocolate cake.  Noob will root for KC.

B.  Washington Spirit vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL

In 2 Corinthians, Paul writes of a thorn in his flesh.  Three times he prayed for its removal.  Each time, the Lord told him His grace would be sufficient instead.

Noob’s not quite sure how this can fit here, but I will say Washington needs to pray here.  The Capitol gals finished in last in 2017.  Just three games in this year they are better.  But they aren’t playing any defense, and that’s not going to bode well against the defending champs.

RESULT   1-1

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Number B,. any chance that Holy Spirit-dove is Washington’s mascot?

  1. Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX

Two matches two go in the Clausura (second half-season).  America sit in 3rd, and are all but mathematically guaranteed a Liguilla slot, top-eight finish.

Puebla are in 13th – not out, but on life support.  Their GD isn’t all that bad, but their guests today are tied for the best defense in the league.   Must win for “The Sweet Potatoers”.     (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Puebla   3-1      Puebla pulls into a three-way tie for 9th, just a point behind the two teams tied for 8th

  1. Dijon vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

France’s slip in the UEFA rankings this year means they only get three Champions League invites now.  This has Lyon sweating bullets.  They’re tied for 3rd with Marseille.  Dijon shouldn’t present a problem today, except that the game is there.  One never knows what the road may bring.    (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Lyon   2-5

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Lies!  Clearly there is a problem related to mustard.

  1. Connah’s Quay vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier

It’s #B vs. #1!   That’s always eye-catching for Noob, even if The New Saints have already claimed the league title.  TNS score close to twice as much as anyone else, but will they be motivated now?

CQ are in position to get the only automatic Europa League berth here, but only lead Bangor City by three in the table.

RESULT:   TNS   1-3

  1. Millwall vs. Fulham – English Championship League

This may only be second-tier football, but this league has ranked as high as 14th before in the overall UEFA rankings.  And this match should be a doozy.

Millwall are in 6th, with competition hot on their heels for that last spot in the Promotion Playoffs.  Fulham are in 3rd and guaranteed at least a PP spot already.  But they’re also only a point behind #B Cardiff City.  If they can pass them, they’ll be automatically moved up to Premier League.

RESULT:   Fulham   0-3     Fulham climb to #B by two points, though one must note they’ve played two more matches than #3 Cardiff.  

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“Hot on their heels”.  English Sexy Pointed Toe Shoes.

Not bad, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.  But find some better ankles next time.

  1. Braga vs. Maritimo – Primeira Liga

Portugal’s is the highest-ranked league (#7) to only get two Champions League slots.  This means Braga has work to do.  They’re in 4th, six points behind #B Benfica.  Maritimo are tied for 5th, but they’re merely playing to be the best of the rest.  Big gap between the top four and all others here.

RESULT:   Braga   2-0     Braga move into a tie for 3rd.  They’ve played one more match than Sporting CP with whom they’re tied though.

  1. Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Kayserispor – Turkey Super Lig

A reminder:  This is a top 10 league in Europe.  We pay attention.

Galatasaray – 60, Besiktas 59, Istanbul 59.  Fenerbahce 57.  Say hello to the most dramatic league finish coming.  Five matches remain for everyone.  Just two will make CL.

I.B. are better on both sides of the ball than the #6 visitors today, should take care of business.  Kayser aren’t playing for any Euro-postseason.

RESULT:   Istanbul   3-1   I.B. move into 1st.  They’ve played one more match than the teams right behind them though.

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Um, Dan the Intern-o Inferno?  Turkey Super Lig.  LIG.

Cute though.

  1. Reims vs. AC Ajaccio – Ligue 2

Congrats, Ligue 2!  Noob had a Paraguayan game scouted for this slot today, but Independiente fell out of the top quarter of their league.  Denied!

France’s second division automatically promotes two to Ligue 1 annually.  Reims are #1 and they’re unlikely to be caught now.  ACA are #3.  That’s good to make the league’s Promotion Playoffs, but they’re also just a point behind #B Nimes.

RESULT:   Reims   1-0

  1. Melbourne City vs. Brisbane Roar – Australia A-League

More denial!  Noob had an Algerian Ligue 1 match all lined up, but Hussein Day fell off the radar like Independiente.

Instead, we finish our globetrotting Down Under.  It’s the Playoffs!  The top two regular season finishers are getting byes.  Four more face off in Knockout matches to see who plays the league leaders.

Melbourne City finished third, Brisbane 6th.  Noob has confirmed that the Playoff champions – not the regular season champion – gets an Asian Champions League invite.  While not confirmed, Noob assumes the loser of the Playoff final will get the other invite.

RESULT:   Melbourne City   2-0

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Good thing this makes sense.