Liga MX Archives - Soccernoob

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday (1/11) – Liga MX, Asian Up, CAF Champions League lead the way

Noob’s return continues! Last Monday we celebrated Relegation matches of suckitude for the first time since the holidays. Today, we return to our Globetreotting ways. When the biggest leagues provide a little less, we spend our Friday perusing matches far and wide!

Come, Noobites! Let’s discover a world of soccer. As always, we start close to home —

1. Atlas vs. CF America – Liga MX

CONCACAF league rank: doesn’t have ’em, but this is #1
Table position: Apertura #15, #2 and Liguilla winner
Time of season: early

Atlas won their first match of the Clausura (second half-season of the Mexican football year). They needed a hot start after crapping the bed for first half-season. After getting just 11 goals that whole time, they already have two.

This is America’s first match. They’re awesome and will almost certainly perform terrible deeds upon their host tonight. View the carnage at 10:00 PM on Univision Deportes.

Fun Fact: La Barra 51 are Atlas’ primary supporters group, named for 1951 – the last time and I think only time they ever won the top-flight championship.

RESULT: America 1-2

B. Palestine vs. Australia – Asian Cup

This is the quadrennial championship for the AFC. The qualification rounds are done and the Group Stage is at hand. All the remaining matches are being held in U.A.E. Six pods of four teams each each duke it in a round robin out for two slots in the next, bracketed round.

Defending champs Australia (#41 in the world, #2 in the AFC) actually lost their first match. HYOOJ. Jordan also won their second match, so it’s looking like one slot will be theirs.

Palestine are rated the 16th-best national team in Asia, #99 overall by FIFA. They had a scoreless draw with Syria to open this stage.

RESULT: Socceroos 0-3

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Number B- enticing you to join the question to be done with Number 2.

3. Leeds vs. Derby County – EFL Championship

UEFA league rank: n/a; second-tier league in England
Table positions: #1, #6
Teams promoted: 3
Time of season: middle

Even as only England’s second-highest league, this is probably a top-15 league talent-wise in Europe. The top two teams will be Promoted to Premier League, with the next four having a playoff for one last slot.

Leeds still lead the league, but they’ve allowed it to be a tight race after losing two league matches in a row (and their recent FA Cup match as well). Both were road losses, but six goals conceded is bad against Nottingham and QPR.

Derby have kept their hopes afloat with a lot of draws of late. They don’t appear to have the defense to hold a top-six position, recently or over the season as a whole so far. Noob predicts a shootout today. First one to three goals wins!

RESULT: Leeds 2-0

One of Noob’s all-time favorite crests.

So many design elements here give it a three-dimensional look. This would make a fine ornamental piece.

4. Lobi Stars vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

If it seems like the last iteration of this tournament just ended, you’re not wrong. They’re moving from a Feb-Nov. timeframe to an Aug.-May format in 2019. So this 2018-19 version is the tweener, running Dec.-May.

The qualification round is done, and this is the first day of the Group Stage. Four pods of four clubs each compete in a double round robin for two slots each in the next, bracketed round.

Lobi won last year’s Nigerian Premier. This league is ranked #13 in Africa. Just a notch higher and they would’ve qualified the maximum two teams into this event. The Stars’ success is predicated more on defense than scoring.

The Sundowns are one of two teams from the #6-ranked South African Premier. Their league season is about halfway over. They;re in 4^th place, but have 3-4 matches in hand over the teams above them. They’re also undefeated, though with lots of draws. They’re even more defensive-minded than Lobi.

If either teams scores, it will be Mamelodi. They should be considered a 1-2 goal favorite today.

RESULT: Lobi 2-1

Image result for soccer compression socks funny

Soccer compression socks.

5. Mantab vs. Conaree – Saint Kitts and Nevis Premier

CONCACAF league rank: n/a; prolly not in the top few Caribbean ones
Table positions: #8, #5
Clubs relegated: 2
Time of season: over 1/3 done

The winner of this league will probably qualify for the next Caribbean Club Shield – a new second-tier tournament for semi-pro and amateur clubs in that region. But neither of these two are likely to be vying for that.

Conaree aren’t bad, but don’t have the offense to nearly compete for international competition. Mantab are just trying to stay in the country’s top flite. The bottom two here will be demoted to First Division next season. Mantab couldn’t score even with the help of a map to the back of an opponent’s net. They’re above the cutline now, barely, and in real danger.

Fun-nish Fact: Mantab’s home city of Basseterre – the SKN capital – has been destroyed seemingly countless times by war and natural disaster.

RESULT: 1-1

6. Somerset Trojans vs. Robin Hood – Bermuda Premier

CONCACAF league rank: n/a; perhaps a little stronger than SKN
Table positions: last, first
Clubs relegated: 2
Time of season: middle

Undefeated Robin Hood are in a dead heat with Pembroke Hamilton for the league lead, tied on table points and goal differential. Noob tends to favor well-balanced teams like Robin Hood, but P.H. are the defensive stalwarts of the country.

Should be a fabulous title race, especially with wide-open styled X-Roads Warriors close in 3^rd. Noob thinks this is one of the region’s fully professional leagues, which means they’ll be able to send up to two clubs to the Caribbean Club Championship.

Somerset have yet to win their first match. Their stats aren’t much worse than other bottom teams here, but they’re deep in last just the same. Defense is their undoing.

RESULT: Robin Hood 3-5

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Forget the footyball!

Noob’s down for learning that.

7. Tefana vs. Central Sport – Tahiti Ligue 1

OFC league ranking: n/a; probably about 4^th INHO
Table positions: #4, #2
Stakes: top four make league playoffs, top two make OFC CL
Time of season: almost halfway

Noob estimates this league’s strength based on guessing that national team and league strength probably corelate with smaller nations like these.

There’s actually a three-way tie for #B right now. Defending champs Central don’t bother with defense so much, but score like gangbusters in league.

Seven of the 10 league teams are very much in the hunt. It will be interesting to see if Tefana cam hang on to a spot. They’re well-balanced, but lack enough on offense to make Noob guess no. Manu Ura, more traditional powers Pirae or both will pass them eventually.

Fun Fact: Tefana are one of two clubs to advance as far as the OFC CL final (2012).

RESULT: 2-2

8. Al Hilal vs. Al Raed – Saudi Pro League

AFC league ranking: #7
Table positions: #1, #9
Stakes: top three make AFC CL
Time of season: middle

It’s not quite a two-horse race in Saudi Arabia, but it’s close to being such. Defending champs Al Hilal should be able to maintain their position atop the table hosting a midtable club.

Al Raed have overachieved to date this season. The second-worst offense in the league should be a lodestone around their necks that drags them down close to, if not into, the Relegation Zone.

RESULT: 1-1

WATCH: Al-Hilal supporters pull off freakishly good Mortal Kombat mosaic

Pretty cool “Mortal Kombat” mosaic the Hilal supporters pulled off.

9. Police vs. AS Kigali – Rwanda Premier

CAF league ranking: unranked
Table positions: #5, #6
Stakes: one berth in CAF CL
Time of season: almost halfway

Rwanda’s top flite may not be ranked at present, but they are slated to be #17 next version! That will still only be good enough for one league berth into the Champions League there though.

These two are all but out of the running. Police are nine points out of first in the table, still have maybe a glimmer of hope. Kigali are three points further back. Too many draws there. But for anyone to catch the top two, someone’s going to have to figure out how to score on them anyway. They’ve combined to allow just seven goals between them all season.

Fun Fact: The Police F.C. manager’s first name is “Innocent”.

RESULT: 2-2

10. Adama Kenema vs. Dire Dawa City – Ethiopia Premier

CAF league ranking: tied for #13
Table positions: #9, #10
Clubs Relegated: 3
Time of season: earlyish

Like aforementioned Nigeria, Ethiopia’s league needs to climb just one more notch in the rankings to earn a second Champions League invitation. Neither of these clubs are likely to be there. They’re below average of the 16, making them slightly more likely candidates to to be Relegated.

Kenema’s going to be the better team, perhaps finish in the top half, given their offense. Dire Dawa will likely stay just where they are, scuffling along as they neither score many goals nor give up too many.

RESULT: Adama 1-0

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So long from Adama!

Adama University – cool building

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (12/4-6) soccer match previews – Copa Argentina Final completes our Track

The Midweek Edition now stands complete at ten. There was just one match needed for Thursday to complete the set.

Tuesday and Wednesday’s matches and results now follow further down.

Please consider following Noob on Twitter @SoccerNoobUSA.com. Inquire for details on how to possibly join footyball discussions with cool cats on Bros Talking Soccer’s new Slack. And click an ad , if you are so inclined. Some of the stuff is even soccer-related!

Back again tomorrow for Globetrotting Friday!

Thursday

10. Rosario Central vs. Gimnasia LP – Copa Argentina

The Final! And this match is a one-off in Mendoza – a neutral location. Noob is continually surprised that outside Europe in particular that such otherwise weak-seeming teams advance to title matches. Rosario are in 14^th of 28 Primera league teams and Gimnasia in 21^st. The winner gets much more than a few pesos and a trophy. There’s a qualification to the next Copa Libertadores up for grabs!

Trying to get excited for this one, but it may be tough to watch. Rosario doesn’t score much, and they look like an offensive juggernaut compared to Gimnasia. Catch this one at 7:10 PM Eastern on TyC Sports International if you dare. And have a deep enough satellite TV package.

RESULT: Rosario 1-1 / 4-1 PK’s All hail the Argentine champs!

Image result for Mendoza argentina weird So long from Mendoza!

At least you can stay in a cool vineyard “hotel” when visiting.

Wednesday

3. Monterrey vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

Semifinals time in the Apertura (first half-season) Liguilla (playoffs)!

This this Round will also feature two-legged ties, same as the Quarters did. Regular season #1 Cruz Azul gets the honor of hosting the second leg of the home-and-away series, which means they open in Monterrey today.

Cruz Azul haven’t lost since October 20. They’d won five straight matches until finishing off their quarterfinal draw with a 1-1 draw last time out. Plenty of teams score as much or more than C.A., but none defend like them (just 13 goals given up in the 17-match regular season).

Monterrey haven’t proven to be quite as good on either side of the ball. But as one would imagine, they’re not that far off C.A.’s pace, given that they made the playoffs. They’ve not lost in five matches. But they’ve not beaten Cruz Azul in nine consecutive tries.

RESULT: Monterrey 1-0 Make that once in their last ten tries!

4. Manchester United vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

Arsenal just had a big, God-ordained win in the North London derby. After doing the Lord’s work in defeating named-for-an-historical-traitor (Harry Percy) Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur, can they get pumped up again for Man Utd.?

Man Utd have had a dismal year compared to expectations, the usual-title contenders wallowing in 8^th place right now. They haven’t won a league match in a month. None of this has been a fluke, either, as they’re struggling on both sides of the ball. For this team to rise again, the great goalkeeper David de Gea is going to need to lead the way. Defense has been even weaker than offense on the season.

Arsenal are in 4^th, which is the number of clubs EPL will qualify for the next Champions League. One would point out their offense as the best around if it weren’t for league #1 Man City blowing everyone out of the water in that department. Defense has been spotty for them, too, at least compared to other table-top clubs. German international Bernd Lemo has decidedly been the weak link. Looking for a shootout today. (3:00 PM Eastern, NBCSN)

RESULT: 2-2

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Sir Topham Hatt cannot be cross so soon after a Hotspur loss.

5. Atletico Junior vs. Atletico PR – Copa Sudamericana

The Final! And crap on a cracker, Noob would’nt have been passing on covering this event had I not had bad info stuck in my head.

This tournament is the equivalent of Europa League, a tournament below the level of Champions League – or, in South America – Copa Libertadores. Noob did not think the winner of Sudamericana automatically qualified for the following years Libertadores, but they do. And that’s some high stakes.

Columbia’s Junior started in the this year’s Libertadores. After finishing 3^rd place in their pod in the Group Stage there, they were dropped into this event. They’ve been very strong in their domestic league statistically, yet are just in 6^th place right now. Trouble closing out the close matches, anyone?

Atletico Paranaense only qualified for this event, were not dropped down from following a Libertadores round. They just finished the Brazilian season one spot (7^th) out of qualifying for the next Libertadores already.

Based on general knowledge of the pecking order of domestic leagues in South America and Elo ratings from footballdatabase.com, it seems fair to say Junior are an even match at best at home today.

RESULT: 1-1

6. Zamora vs. Deportivo Lara – Venezuela Premier

This is the second leg of the Serie Final, which pits the playoff champions from the Apertura and Clausura stages of the season against one another. The first match was played at Lara and ended in a 1-1 draw.

If one is interested in a couple extra details, scroll down to the Leg One match preview from 12/2. Suffice it to say here and now that Zamora are the hotter team the second half of the year and most definitely favored today at home.

RESULT: Zamora 4-1 2018 Venezuelan chamPEEENS will dance with that sexy disco robot from the future of 1984

Winners get to party at KirovBar, Barinas (home of Zamora FC) for disco and with this guy….thing!

7. Ulsan Hyundai vs. Daegu FC – (South) Korean FA Cup

The Final! First leg, anyway. Second one will be at Daegu. In Europe, FA Cup winners typically just qualify for the secondary Europa League tournament. Here, the winner not only qualifies for the next AFC Champions League, they’ll enter at the Group Stage (the latest any team enters).

Ulsan finished the K League 1 in third place. That’s just high enough to net them an AFC CL berth, but not as late as the Group Stage. They have to play their way into that as things stand now, via a “playoff round”.

Daegu finished just 7^th, didn’t qualify for squat. They’re not nearly as good on either side of the ball as Ulsan, but particularly trail them in goal-scoring.

That said, Daegu haven’t lost in any of their last seven matches across all competitions. They enter vastly hotter than Ulsan. Noob thinks Daegu are easily an even match for Ulsan, maybe even should be favored, given all the momentum they have.

RESULT: Daegu 1-2 #7 in the league, but #1 in our FA Cup-hearts!

8. Northeast United vs. Bengaluru – India Super League

Reminder: India has two top-flite leagues. The other is the I-League. ISL is the one that does not have promotion/relegation. It was created under more of an MLS-like franchise model to promote soccer in the country. They do not qualify teams into international competition like AFC Champions League.

But that doesn’t mean this #B-#1 matchup is any less shiny and alluring! Top four will make the league playoffs. Bengalaru are still undefeated eight matches into the season. They have a game in hand on Northeast, on top of leading them by four points in the table. These teams are the cream of the crop defensively, so look for a low-scoring affair today. (9:00 AM, Asianet Movies)

RESULT: 1-1 Bengaluru saved their undefeated record at 90′ with a goal

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That… doesn’t feel relevant…

Who’s doing images around here now, anyway?

Noob missed Dan the Intern-Inferno.

9. Turbine Potsdam vs. VfL Wolfsburg – Frauen-Bundesliga

Lyon may be the #1 women’s team in Europe, but it’s Germany’s top league that ranks most highly. And no German team is mightier than Wolfsburg – 10-0-0 so far.

Top two will qualify for the next women’s UEFA Champions League. That second slot looks likely to either go to Potsdam or Bayern Munich. No one’ going to get Wolfsburg though. After all, they’ve outscored opponents 46-2 so far. Good golly.

RESULT: 1-1 The leaders can bleed, they’re human!

Tuesday

1. UANL vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX Femenil

Time for the second leg of the Apertura (first half-season) Semfinals! All four teams are in action today. This matchup intrigues Noob a little more because UANL are undefeated. Guadalajara got a 1-1 draw at their own place, no small feat.

Matching up with the league’s best on their own turf likely to be a whole other matter. UANL scored over three goals per match during the regular season, 2/3 again as many as Guadalajara, and while playing about the same caliber of defense.

RESULT: UANL 5-3 On to the finals!

B. Montpelier vs. Lille – Ligue 2

Paris Saint-Germain are still undefeated, miles ahead of the pack. So the race is on for just two more Champions League berths. Lille have fallen to 4^th, not having one in any of their last five outings. They’ve been outscored 8-3 over that time. Montpelier are #B in the table.

RESULT: Lille 0-1 Lille jump up to # B

But wait, just two matches to start the week? Yup. Sounds like more high-quality content that soccer lovers everywhere want. It’s time for a —

NOOB SANDWICH REVIEWOOB!

Last installment of NOOB SANDWICH REVIEWOOB, Noob took Subway to task over there new steak sandwich on sunflower bread, a catastrophe if ever there was one.

Today’s featured sammich is much close to home for Noob. My six year-old daughter – PersonNoob -created this one recently.

What you’re seeing is four pieces of wheat bread in a

single stack. Each is liberally covered with strawberry jelly. Here pictured, I’ve removed the top layer to show what she has smashed inside — a Little Bites “birthday cake”-flavored mini-muffin.

We know from “Fizzy’s Lunch Lab” television program that “wheat is sweet”. But four pieces? I applaud PersonNoob’s creativity, but one only needs more than two if you’re layering the sammich in different ways between slices. I blame myself as a parent.

The mini-muffins are fine as prepackaged fare goes. Certainly eaten my share of ones PN hasn’t finished on our way to her school.

To my surprise, the sweet jam and the “birthday” aspect of the muffin didn’t make this sickeningly sweet, at least not at the first bite. Yes, I tried it, though only ventured that one bite. As you might imagine, the texture was just straight up waaaay too much bread.

So does Noob dare really rate a sandwich his own sweet daughter created? You betcha. And while this is the highest rating I’ve yet given a sandwich, the finished product still didn’t do all that well.

On the Noob Sammich Review sammich rating scale of one to five Sammiches, I rate the “Extra-Tall Wheat Jelly and Birthday Cake Mini-Muffin Sandwich” at just 1.5 Sammiches.

’10 to Track’ Sunday (12/2) soccer match previews – Liga MX, Premier League derbies lead the way

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Noob starts local and with Western Europe, but never ignores the world at large. I hope that means there’s something here for any fan, not just Noobites.

Follow on the tweeterbox @SoccerNoobUSA. Check back for match results. And remember to never travel in a straight line. Noob keeps things weird.

Note: Noob’s sources for some CONCACAF things are…inconsistent. The Ascenso MX (Mexican second division) Apertura Finals second leg may be today. Really good league, probably one of the best five in CONCACAF. Use your Google machine powers to find out more.

Also, there may be a Nicaraguan semifinal today. Same CONCACAF weirdness issue on the interblag.

1. Pumas UNAM vs. Tigres UANL– Liga MX

Opening round of the playoffs, leg two! The top eight from the Apertura (first half-season) qualified. Pumas are the third seed, Tigres sixth. The first leg was at UANL and they won 2-1.

All the momentum is with Tigres. They’ve won four straight. Pumas have only managed one win in their last four tries. Winner will get either CF America or underdog Toluca. (1:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: Pumas 3-1 And so they take the series 4-3 and advance

B. Arsenal vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

This is the North London derby. Remember to pronounce that “ar” instead of “er”. You wouldn’t won to sound literate! For the rawest of Noobites, a derby means they’re bigtime rivals.

Being one of Europe’s best leagues, four clubs will qualify from it for the next UEFA Champions League. Noob-dreaded Hotspur are #3, Arsenal #5 with the season just over 1/3 over.

Arsenal lost their first two league matches of the season but quickly righted their ship and haven’t lost since. This, despite the fact that they don’t play quite the same caliber of defense that the other title-contenders do.

Hotspur have won six straight across all competitions. They have proven capable of winning both high and low-scoring affairs, may well be the top threat to #1 Manchester City. They are also named for historic traitor to multiple kings Harry Percy, are worthy of our scorn. Not that this is likely to affect a match result. Noob just can’t help but throw it in there. (9:05 AM, Telemundo)

RESULT: Arsenal 4-2 for great justice

Image result for fat controller pissed off

Sir Topham Hatt is displeased by the Harry Percy fawners.

3. RB Leipzig vs. Borussia Monchengladbach – Bundesliga

Germany’s top league has had a topsy turvy table compared to normal this season. Things are starting to look closer to normal, but M’Gladbach is a club they’re not used to seeing so high up. The enter today #B in the table, and it’s no fluke. Good offense, sterling defense. And they’ve won four in a row over all competitions.

Leipzig either play whatever is better than sterling for defense or parks the bus and doesn’t worry much about scoring. Either way, it worked for them early in the season. They’ve lost three of their last four now though and they sit in 5^th place. Top four get into the 209-20 Champions League. (9:30 AM, FS1)

RESULT: Leipzig 2-0

4. Alaves vs. Sevilla – La Liga

Spain’s is another top flite that’s table has been filled with less-familiar names at the top. Last year, these were the 7^th and 14th-placed teams, respectively. Currently they sit #4 and #1. Top four here, too, qualify for the next CL.

Alaves have lost two of three. They’re not consistently dominating teams much further down the table. They appear to have the defense to perhaps flirt with a top-four finish, but Noob’s not banking on it.

Sevilla are really well-balanced. If it weren’t for hard-charging Barcelona, Noob might think they could truly contend for the title. Plus, Real Madrid appear to be waking from their early season slumber. They’re 5^th and will climb higher. For the moment, we get enjoy a breath of fresh air, some new scenery at the top of the table. (2:45 PM, beIN Sports en Español)

RESULT: 1-1

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Eventually we’ll need these again.

5. Celtic vs. Aberdeen – Scottish League Cup

FA Cup – every club that’s a member or associate members of the Scottish Football Association. Challenge Cup – teams from levels 2-4 of the Scottish football pyramid, plus some lower clubs and a few non-Scottish invites.

And then there’s this one! It’s been being contested by the teams from the top four leagues. This is their one-off Final match. It’s in Glasgow, but not at Celtic’s actual home stadium. Not like they need a home-pitch advantage probably, either. They’ve been leading the Premier League there, while Aberdeen are down in 7^th.

Celtic have only allowed six league goals all season, 15 matches. That’s insane. But while Celtic should be favored no matter what, Noob doesn’t have a sense of how big a deal this particular Cup is there. Some tournaments, some places, clubs use these as chances to give playing time to bench players.

RESULT: Celtic 1-0 trophy time!

6. Manchester City vs. Arsenal – England Women’s Soccer League

It’s a battle of the two undefeated teams in the ladies’ top league in England! No one’s even gotten a draw with Arsenal, either. No wonder, they average over four goals per match.

Three teams have gotten draws with Man City. They score over twice as often as any other team in the league – yet only ¾ as much as Arsenal.

RESULT: Man City 2-0

Wish I could find the match on TV.

Ready to party with leftover White Castle.

7. Heredinao vs. Alajuense – Costa Rica Premier

The Final! Noob loves some Costa Rican soccer. This league is every bit as strong as MLS. This is for the Apertura (first half-season) title. And this is the first leg, so they’ll play another match at Alajuense in a few days to complete things.

Alajuense tied for 1st in the regular season table, but lost out on goal differential. They had a quirky 22 matches in that not a single one ended in a draw. No other club had fewer than three.

Herediano tied for 3^rd, but entered these Playoffs as the #4 seed, also losing out on GD. They’re a more traditional power there, but weren’t as strong on either side of the ball as their guests today.

RESULT: Herediano 2-1

8. Deportiva Lara vs. Zamora – Venezuela Premier

Like most or perhaps all Latin American leagues, Venezuela divides their soccer year into separate Apertura and Clausura half-seasons. And for each half, they have a playoffs, crown a champions. But unlike many of those others, here the two tournaments champions face off at year’s end to decide an overall champion. Noob like-y.

Lara won the Clausura playoffs, despite finishing just 4^th in the regular season. Zamora finished #B and then won the Apertura playoffs, but weren’t nearly so strong during the Clausura. There, they finished just 7^th.

This is a two-legged, home-and-away series for the title. Zamora gets the honor of hosting the second leg, presumably by having the better overall record on the year. Both teams have already qualified for the next Copa Libertadores, so this is strictly for the shiny trophy.

RESULT: 1-1

Image result for shiny trophy funny

The runner-up trophy.

Maybe…

9. Emelec vs. LDU Quito – Ecuador Serie A

Ecuador call their two half-seasons simply Opening and Closing Stages. Concept is the same as Apertura and Clausura though. Or maybe they use those words there and Noob’s sources are just goofy about not translating for Ecuador for some reason. The world is weird.

In any case, there are just two matches to go in the Closing Stage. Opening Stage champions LDU de Quito trail Emelec by two points in the table. As many as four other teams appear mathematically alive for 1^st, but one of these two is going to win it.

Emelec haven’t lost in six straight matches. De Quito have also been on a tear. Well, save for a weird loss for soon-to-be-Relegated Tecnico Universitario.

This one’s a big enough match that GOL TV is actually airing it internationally. You’d have to have a deep, deep satellite package to get it here stateside, but it’s on at 12:00 PM.

RESULT: 0-0

10. Basel vs. Young Boys of Bern – Swiss Super League

We finish our Track back in Europe. Noob’s saved this one for last because while it’s an irresistible #B-#1 matchup, there’s no title race going on here.

YBB are ahead by a whopping 13 points in the table less than halfway through the season. That said, Switzerland are a highly-enough ranked league in Europe that they’ll qualify two club into the next Champions League.

Basel have been the more recent studs, but might really only be the fourth-best team this season. The defense is down this season, the offense not enough to make up for that lack.

RESULT: YBB 1-3

Image result for Basel funny

So long from the Christmas Market in Basel, Switzerland!

Home of creepy, nightmare-inducing holiday mushroom figurines.

You’re welcome.

Extra Credit: Liverpool vs Everton – English Premier League, any of the Second Round English FA Cup matches, #3 Hearts vs #2 Rangers – Scottish Premiership, #4 Anderlecht vs #B Genk – Belgian First Division A

#2 Vidi vs #3 Budapest Honved – Hungarian NB 1, #3 Academy Pandev vs. #B Vardar Skpje – Macedonian Prva Liga, #3 Feyenoord vs. #1 PSV Eindhoven – Dutch Eredivisie, #4 Besiktas vs #3 Galatasaray – Turkish Super Lig

#5 Independiente vs. #6 Boca Juniors – Argentinian Primera, a Peruvian Primera semfinal, #B Al Nassr vs. #4 Al-Wehda – Saudi Premier, #4 Etoile du Sahel vs. #B Sfaxien – Tunisian Ligue 1

Quarterfinal matches from El Salvador and Guatemala, a semifinal from Honduras, #1 Village Superstars vs. #3 St. Paul’s United – St. Kitts and Nevis Premier, plus maybe a final from Panama. Info on Panama is the worst.

’10 to Track’ Saturday (12/1) soccer match previews – Liga MX, Premier League lead the way

Noob could choose to define the mantra here of “the ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game” any number of ways.

But in the quest to learn soccer, I’ve learned I want to embrace the game everywhere its found. Today’s Track proudly sports matches from all six continents and federations.

1. Santos vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

This is the second leg of the opening, Quarterfinal round of the Apertura (first half-season) Liguilla (postseason tournament). Tonight’s match completes the home-and-away series.

These are the #4 and #5 seeds. They finished in a three-way tie with another club during the regular season and statistically look very much alike. Monterrey won the first leg at their place, 1-0. Best aggregate score will advance in the bracket.

All the momentum is on the side of Monterrey right now. They haven’t lost in four matches and have conceded only two goals over that stretch. Santos haven’t win in four matches, only score three times over those games.

The winner will almost certainly face #1 Cruz Azul in the Semifinals. They’re up 2-0 in their Quarterfinal and have yet to host their match. (10:00 PM Eastern, Univision)

RESULT: Monterrey 0-2 on to the Semis to face Cruz Azul

B. Manchester City vs. AFC Bournemouth – English Premier League

This may be the English match today involving the collectively two highest teams in the table, but it sure doesn’t look competitive. Man City are the world’s greatest club running at the moment.

Bournemouth are tied for 8^th. More, Noob’s Fighting Cherries have lost three straight, all by 2-1 scores. They had an extremely hot streak to start the year, but that magic has cooled. (10:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT: Man City 3-1

Image result for letter B cherry

Noob’s been faithful to the quest for Number B.

Number B stays loyal with me in support of the Fighting Cherries of Bournemouth.

3. Lille vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

Once you get past 14-0-0 PSG, there’s quite a race going on in France! Lyon are #B. Lille is one of three teams trailing them by just a point. Top three will make the next Champions league.

Noob doesn’t think Lyon have the defensive ability to maintain their table position, will be one of the odd teams out for a top three finish. Defense is Lille’s greater strength and so they should be expected to get a result here at home.

RESULT: 2-2

4. Flamengo vs. Atletico PR – Brazil Serie A

The last round of matches begins in Brazil now. #B versus #7 isn’t usually shiny enough to capture Noob’s fickle gaze, but this is one with specific meaning.

Flamengo can’t catch Palmeiras (and hail to the champs!), nor can they be passed by anyone. They’re headed to the next Copa Libertadores, qualifying straight through to the Group Stage.

Atletico Paranaense right now are the odd team out of the CL mix. Top six get in and they’re in 7^th. APR have lacked on defense compared to teams like Flamengo all year. But with the hosts having essentially nothing to play for, who knows – they may start all scrubs.

Noob’s guess is that APR gets a result today and is still stuck in 7^th, headed to Copa Sudamericana – South America’s version of Europa League.

RESULT: Atletico PR 1-2 But Atletico MG also one, so no Copa Libertadores for Paraense

Image result for Flamengo youth soccer

Meet Flamengo’s U10 squad.

They’re probably starting this match.

5. Nigeria vs. South Africa – Africa Women Cup of Nations

Let’s get someone a trophy – it’s the Final! This is the most prestigious tournament for national teams in Africa and is held every other year. This match is a one-off in Ghana, where the whole tournament has been being hosted.

Nigeria are the defending champs and #1 team in the CAF, and it’s not even terribly close. South Africa rate fourth-best (#38 and #50 worldwide). It’s worth noting, however, that South Africa beat Nigeria 0-1 in the Group Stage.

RESULT: Nigeria 0-0 / 4-3 pk Nigeria are chamPEEENS!

6. Olimpia vs. Real España – Honduras National League

This is the second leg of the Apertura playoff Semifinals. Regular season runners-up Olimpia earned a 2-2 draw on the road in the first match of this home-and-away series. Real are high-octane – all O, no D. At home, the better-balanced Olimpia-ns should take care of business.

RESULT: 0-0 so with the aggregate score tied at two, Olimpia advances on away-goals

Image result for high octane funny

If he does “The Pigeon”, Noob’s going on a killing spree.

7. San Pedro vs. Verdes – Belize Premier

Is this match, this league “important” in the football world? Probably not by most anyone’s standards. It’s one of the weaker leagues of Central America. But Noob is bound and determined that we will gain at least a passing familiarity with all other CONCACAF member leagues. Hallooo, neighbors!

More, this is a Semifinal! As the lesser, #3 seed, San Pedro host the first leg of the home-and-away series. They’re not out of their class when comparing defenses here.

But Verdes tied for first in the Opening Stage (like Apertura) regular season, only missing 1^st by lesser goal differential. And this league was never anything but a two-team race. Verdes are light years better on offense.

RESULT: it now appears this was slated for 11/30 but was postponed

8. Fiji vs. New Zealand – OFC Nations Cup

Oceania’s confederation host this tournament just once every four years. It serves as the qualifier for both World Cup and the Olympics.

And here’s your final! It’s a one-off match, being played in New Caledonia, as was the whole tournament. These are the only OFC teams to rank in the top 100 worldwide. New Zealand are the defending champs and 20th-rated team anywhere by FIFA. Fiji are ranked #89 and will have to try and be happy with second place. Because they’re about to get wrecked.

RESULT: New Zealand 0-8 Wrecked indeed

Image result for New Zealanders funny

Well that explains it then.

9. Consadole Sapporo vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – Japan J1 League

Just like Brazil’s top flite, this league is now in it’s last round of matches. The top three all qualify for the next AFC Champions League. Only champs (and congrats!) Kawasaki qualify directly to the Group Stage there. The next two will have to play in earlier rounds.

Hiroshima are #B, up just a point in the table on newly-minted AFC CL-titleholders Kashima and two above Sapporo. And what the fruit happened to Hiroshima? At one point they led the entire league by nine points. They’ve now lost seven straight matches. If they can manage a draw today, they’ll finish no worse than 3^rd place and still qualify for the next CL. Even if they lose, Kashima has to win to pass them and knock them out of the top three.

Sapporo have won three of four and been reported by the Japan Times to be seen licking their chops endlessly in anticipation of this match.

RESULT: 2-2 And so Kawasaki win the league, Hiroshima hold on to second, and Kashima finish 3rd. Sapporo – no AFC CL for yooooou.

10. Ballymena United vs. Linfield – Northern Ireland Premier

We finish our Track today with a shiny #B-#1 matchup. Does Noob care that it’s in one of the weakest leagues in all Europe? Not at all! (OK, maybe a little. They’ve fallen behind Gibraltar for goodness’ sake, which has the population of like Ames, Iowa.)

Anyway, the season is halfway complete in this semi-pro league. The race is shaping up to be a dramatic one. Linfield lead their hosts today by just a point in the table. Glenavon are just a point farther back, and defending champs Crusaders are just six back of their familiar spot.

The top four all average about two goals per game. But in this offensively-leaning league, it’s only Linfield that can defend as well. They’re the only club giving up less than a goal per game average.

RESULT: Ballymena 1-2 We have a new leader in the NIFL Premier!

Image result for Slemish Mountain Saint Patrick So long from Slemish Mountain, Ballymena – said to be first irish home of Saint Patrick.

This guy’s just a Sean Astin-wannabe though.

Extra Credit: Any of the many second round English FA Cup matches, #5 Sheffield United vs. #B Leeds United – English Championship, #5 Grenoble vs. #1 Metz – France’s Ligue 2

#B Legia Warsaw vs. #4 Korono Kielce – Poland Ekstraklasa, #3 Zilinia vs. #B DAC 1904 Dunajska Streda – Slovakia Super Liga, #3 Domzale vs. #1 Maribor – Slovenia Prva Liga, #3 Malaga vs. #4 Granada – Spain’s Segunda Liga, today’s AFF Cup and women’s EAFF-1 matches

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (11/27-29) soccer match previews – MLS Semis end the MWE!

“The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game” – hit their peak of importance today. MLS Semifinals! After tonight, we’ll know who’s playing for the big trophy.

Tuesday and Wednesday’s match results follow below. Remember you can always check back for results on every single day, plus often a note or two about who starred, or how the results affected what was at stake.

Thursday

9. Sporting Kansas City vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer

Second leg of the Western Conference Finals! While any team would of course like to get a road win every time, #1 KC got the draw in Portland in the first match of this two-game series. Now they have the chance to take care of business at home.

But that scoreless draw has to be troubling for them. Goalkeeper Tim Melia of USMNT fame played well and Graham Zusi was a monster on the back defensive line. But Noob highlighted Daniel Salloi for that first match and instead of starring, he was the weak link, losing duels and not being terribly good with passes.

The 5th-seed Portland was better on passing, held the ball longer, and created more shots on goal. That didn’t and won’t matter if they can’t get better play from striker Jeremy Ebobisse though.

Ultimately, it’s hard to beat home cookin’. KC did what was necessary, if just, and should be a moderate to heavy favorite at home. (9:30 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT: Portland 2-3 Diego Valeri with two Timbers goals, including the game winner at 90′

10. New York Red Bulls vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

Some are calling the Eastern Conference finals the de facto league finals. Both teams had several more point in the the table than K.C.

#B Atlanta laid the smack down at their place in the first leg of this overall Semi, 3-0. Franco Escobar was the slightly-surprisng star with both a goal and an assist. This club has the best offense in the entire league. It will be interesting to see if they keep dancing with the girl that brought them and continue attacking, or try to take the air out of the ball with such a big lead from the first leg.

NYRB have a HYOOJ hole to dig themselves out of. Lots of goals will certainly mean the involvement of BrandonWright-Phillips, who looked like an MVP the first half of the MLS season. Not that he tanked after that, but his effectiveness definitely diminished. But if the right side of Red Bulls’ back line get manhandled again (Tim Parker, Michael Murillo), BWP’s possible resurgence won’t matter. (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT: NYRB 1-0 But it’s not enough! ATL will host the single-match Final versus Portland.

Image result for the world of red bull funny So long from…wherever the Red Bull box cart races were held.

Yeeeah. Wow.

Extra Credit: Two Liga MX qf’s, a couple dozen group stage Europa league matches, Copa Sudamericana sf, El Salvador and Guatemala qf’s, second round Arab Club Championship

Wednesday

3. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Inter Milan – UEFA Champions League

You can scroll down to the Tuesday portion of the Midweek Track for a few extra details on the event, should you be a completely unseasoned Noobite.

Noob-reviled Hotspur is nearly out of Champions League, as is good, right and appropriate. When your club is named for an historic traitor (Harry Percy), good things cannot follow.

The scourge of England’s Premier League, Hotspur trail Inter by three points in the table and won the first match between them (tiebreaker). Since Hotspur’s remaining match other than this one is at #1 Barcelona, they’re in desperate need of a win today.

Hotspur are winners of five straight across all competitions. Inter are in just 5^th in Italy’s Serie A. Where Hotspur lack a little offensive punch compared to many other top teams, Inter have been sagging on defense. Bad matchup for the visitors, sadly. (3:00 PM Eastern, TNT)

RESULT: Hotspur 1-0

Image result for sir topham hatt furious

Sir Topham Hatt — flexing the pimp hand. Gotta keep it strong for those Hotspur COYS.

4. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League

This is the most competitive Group going here. Liverpool and Napoli are tied for first. PSG are just a point behind and Red Star Belgrade only a point behind them in turn.

PSG are running roughshod over Ligue 1 – no losses or draws. Yet many people Noob reads suggest the league is not very good this year. Liverpool have yet to lose in Champions League, putting them in second place there. Neither team allow goals.

Both teams are stronger than the ones in Track Match three here. If either doesn’t qualify for the Knockout Round, that’s big news. (3:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: PSG 2-1

5. Porto vs. Schalke – UEFA Champions League

Three matches from one event? Thought you were filtering event like these, Noob.

Oh, but I am. But I won’t ignore important ones this late in the Group Stage just for the sake of it. Porto is Portugal’s #1 team. That doesn’t make them one of the very strongest clubs remaining, but they won’t be a pushover for anyone next round. They’re dominating the Primeira Liga and can score and defend amazingly.

Germany’s Schalke trail Porto by two in the Group C table. An upset win today would guarantee them a berth in the Knockout Round. And it would be a remarkable upset at that. In the Bundesliga, they’re playing so darn badly that they’re fighting just to stay out of the Relegation Zone.

They don’t defend half badly, but they didn’t wow on offense last year and don’t score much at all now. Still, they lead the Group 3rd-place team by four, seem likely to sneak out of the Group Stage no matter how today goes.

RESULT: Porto 3-1

Image result for schalke 04 funny

Is that the German Mr. Magoo?

6. Monterrey vs. Santos – Liga MX

Let the playoffs begin! This is the Liguilla. The eight best teams from the Apertura (first half-season) qualified. This is a bracketed tournament. Each pair of teams will play two-legged, home-and-away series.

It is seeded just like the NCAA basketball tourney would be, and this is your 4/5 matchup. Santos has been a shade better on both sides of the ball. More, they haven’t lost to Monterrey in their last three matches. But Monterrey haven’t lost in three matches, while Santos didn’t win in any of their last three. (10:06 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT: Monterrey 1-0

7. Saprissa vs. Herediano – Costa Rica Premier

This is CONCACAF’s third-strongest league. They might argue they’re better than MLS. Mexicans might argue their second division league is better. Regardless, this is a sneaky-good football league.

And the Playoffs are already underway! The top four qualified for this postseason tournament. Apertura regular season champs Saprissa host this second match of the home-and-away Semifinal series. Herediano – the other perennial power here – finished 4^th, won the first leg 1-0 at their place.

Saprissa was better on both sides of the ball all Apertura, but particularly so on offense. That one-goal deficit should be one they can overcome today, move on to the Final.

RESULT: Saprissa 1-0 …which means the series was tied and they moved on to penalty kicks! Herediano advances to the final on those, 2-4

Image result for costa rica premier logo

One foot-sport, one heart.

But the logo’s more than a little puffy-nipply. No.

8. Portmore United vs. Tivoli Gardens – Jamaica Premier

This, too, is one of CONCACAF’s stronger domestic leagues – almost certainly the best of the island nations in our federation. Hallooo, neighbors! Noob’s making a concerted effort to get to know ya. May I borrow a cup of sugar?

The top six finishers here will make the Playoffs, with the top two getting byes into the Semifinals. They’re a dozen matches into the season, and rhese two are #1 and #3. This is a classic best offense versus best defense scenario. An upset win wouldn’t move Gardens into 1^st, but would tighten up an already good-looking race.

RESULT: Portmore 2-0

Extra Credit: the other UEFA Champions League matches, Costa Rican semifinal, Liga MX qf;

Also, Spain’s Copa del Rey round of 32 match, Copa Argentina sf, Copa Sudamericana sf, Czech Cup Round of 16, Guatemala National League sf

Also, #1 Shkendija vs. #3 Academy Pandev in Macedonai’s Prva Liga, Russian FA Cup qf, very early round CAF Champions League, #3 Brittania vs. #2 Nacional in Aruba’s Division di Honor, second round Arab Club Championship

Tuesday

1. Lyon vs. Manchester City – UEFA Champions League

But make no mistake, I’m glad it’s back, baybeeeeee! A quick reminder for the newest Noobites what the it is:. League champions and other top teams of Europe in the crown jewel of all club tournaments. They’re currently in the Group Stage. Pods of four playing double round robins. Top two finishers from each will advance to the Knockout (single elimination, bracket-style) Stage. Everybody’s got two matches to go.

Man City is thought by many to be the #1 team in the world currently. They’re undefeated in Premier League play, lead Lyon by three point in the Group F table. But they’ve lost one match.

To Lyon. At Man City! The French team is a distant #B to undefeated Paris Saint-Germain in Ligue 1 there, but #B nonetheless. They haven’t lost to anyone, anywhere, besides PSG since August. Yet strangely, that win over Man City is their only win in Group F. All their other matches have ended in draws.

So what’s at stake? Noob’s laser-focused of late on stakes, letting you know why any given match is important. Man City are almost 100% to advance to the Knockout Round now, and any result (win or draw) will seal that deal.

A win for Lyon would do the same. Anything else, and the door is very much open for the other two Group F clubs, trailing by three and four points, respectively. So yes, remaining undefeated with a draw would leave the, in jeopardy yet. What a tournament.

Oh, and based on ELO ratings (thank you, footballdatabase.com), Noob thinks Man City will win easily, 1-2 goal margin, in France.

RESULT: 2-2 Maxwell Cornet with a goal and an assist for Lyon as they blew two leads.

B. AS Roma vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

Noob is often reluctant to feature multiple matches from the same league or tournament on a given day. I wish to act as filter for we newish fans, allow us to focus on the most important things, yet with a broad gaze. Eight matches today for UEFA CL. We can do two.

It’s an easy decision when the three-time defending champions are in the mix, too. Real and Roma are tied for the Group G lead. The next team down is five points behind. Look, these two are going through to the Knockout Stage no matter how the match ends today. But finishing 1^st or runner-up matters for seeding in the next Round, so this match is still monster.

Defending champs or not, this isn’t the same Real team of recent years. Losing the greatest active player in the world – Cristiano Ronaldo – will have that effect. They’re in just 5^th place in La Liga and just suffered a blistering 3-0 loss to Eibar. If you don’t know that name, that’s the point. And their newfound issues are on both sides of the ball.

Yet after a 3^rd place Italian Serie A finish last year, Roma have slipped as many places as Real – down to 7^th at present. They’d appeared to have the righted their ship to some degree of late, but than lost to Udinese last time out. Once again, if you don’t know that club, that’s the point.

Real’s crash back to earth this year has been the steeper fall. Still, Noob wouldn’t put Roma at any better than an even match for them at home.

RESULT: Real 0-2

New feature! EXTRA CREDIT will appear with some frequency now – these are events, matches Noob scouted for a given date but that didn’t make the cut for the Track.

Extra Credit: Early round-Coupe de France, Scotland’s FA Cup, very early round 2018-19 CAF Champions League, later round EFL Cup (tournament of tertiary importance in England), and Semifinals of Africa’s women’s Cup of Nations – all are in action.

ALSO! Congrats to Guadalajara, UANL, America and Pachuca of Liga MX Femenil. They all just qualified for the Semifinals of the Apertura (first half-season) there.

Noob’s trying to learn women’s and more CONCACAF soccer in general, but the site I use (for the moment) screws up dates something fierce. I’d scouted the Quarterfinals I thought were today, but they’re in the books already. Part of the learning for Noob is finding the best resources.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday – Liga MX, Ligue 1, and soccer hinterlands of wonder

International Break is over. Football club fans can breathe again. Hey, UEFA Nations league turned out pretty hawt in its Group Stage though.

Now we’re back into the club scene. On Friday’s, the scheds always run fairly light. But that just gives is a chance to jet-set around the world together.

The Track starts close to home, as always. Pretty Eurocentric all the way around, though we’ll bounce to some less-visited leagues there before we meander even farther.

Turn ON electronic devices, smoke ’em if you got ’em and don’t wait – help yourself to the drink cart in back. Let’s take off!

1. Morelia vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

We ease out of International Break – when so many of the top domestic leagues everywhere have been off so that players can take part on their home National Teams’ matches – with a dandy in Mexico.

Every club is about to play their last match of the Apertura. (That’s the first half-season. Most of Latin America has two separate league tournaments each year.) The top half the league (eight clubs) will qualify for the Liguilla (postseason tournament).

Cruz Azul lead second-place CF America by three points in the table. That means if they can manage any kind of result (win or draw, worth three points and one, respectively), they will have wrapped up the #1 seed. True to form from all season, Cruz Azul has only allowed two goals in their last five matches, all wins and draws for them.

Morelia are currently #8, clinging to that last Liguilla berth. Obviously, this is a daunting last match, but at least they get to host it. With a win, they could actually climb as high as 5^th place. A loss or even a draw opens the door for the two teams which are two points behind them.

Morelia are as good on offense as their defensively-leaning guests today. But they allow about twice as many goals. Noob thinks they’re good for no better than a draw on their own pitch today. (8:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: Cruz 0-2

B. Lyon vs. St. Etienne – France Ligue 1

This is the best European match of the day, though there are only three being held in the top leagues there. It comes from a league that’s catching a lot of criticism this year. The league has been slipping in the UEFA rankings, and now only its top three clubs will qualify for the next Champions League (the pinnacle of international club tournament competition).

Also, it’s considered a one-club league for quality this year. Paris Saint-Germain are 13-0-0. The other 19 clubs are being referred to as a “farmer’s league”.

** A what? Noob had this answered for us on the Bros Talking Soccer podcast recently as a listener question they fielded. It’s a demeaning term for amateur or semi-pro clubs or leagues in which the players all have day jobs. Think “beer league” or “rec league” as a rough American equivalent from softball or other sports, though those aren’t quite as disparaging. **

In what is otherwise a very tight table, these two are in 4^th and 5^th place. Lyon have been the more successful team recently, as their competing in the currently-running Champions League. In their last 10 league matches, they only lost one to someone other than PSG. Still, the defense has only been meh.

St. Etienne get a lot of low-scoring draws, don’t appear to have the firepower to compete for a top-three spot. But they’ve not lost in their last four matches, and so can’t be discounted, even in on the road. (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT: Lyon 1-0 Though those around them now have a game in hand over Lyon, the win today puts them in #B.

Number B sees no issue with idea of a farmers league.

3. Go Ahead Eagles vs. TOP Oss – Netherlands Eerste Divisie

This is from one of Europe’s better footballing countries, though not its top league. Eerste is the Dutch second division.

Coolly-named Go Ahead Eagles (who were originally “Be Quick”. Really.) are in 1^st. That’s the only table position guaranteed to get Promoted to Eredivisie (the Dutch Premier League). At least one other will move up, but there will be playoffs at season’s end to determine what club or clubs get to move up as well.

Top OSS are in 4^th. They don’t play “small ball”, but concede the fewest goals in the league at the expense of scoring a very pedestrian amount of goals themselves. They’re not the direct threat for the title that #B Sparta Rotterdam is.

RESULT: Oss 0-1 With the upset, Oss remain in 4th, but now only two points behind the three co-leaders.

4. Olimpija Ljubljana vs. Mura – Slovenia Prva Liga

Now we deep further down the UEFA domestic rankings to league #30. That’s a touch below average, but remember that Europe’s is the top confederation in the world. And hey – they’re playing. It’s Friday 😛

The majority of leagues qualify just one club to Champions League, which is the case here. Only two teams are at all competing for the title. Ljubljana and Maribor are the two perennial powerhouses and current leaders. Ljubljana trail them by four points in the table here at about the season’s halfway point.

The second-best European international tournament for clubs is the Europa League. Mura is in 3^rd right now, just high enough to snag one of those slots. Noob thinks Domzale is going to pass them soon, after the drubbing Mura will endure today.

RESULT: 2-2 Mura with the come-from-behind W! Goals for them at 89′ and 90′. Your a bright, shining star, Tomi Horvat!

Slovenia! Come for the footyball, stay for the…stern-looking comedy clubs?

That’s comedian Marjan Sarec.

5. Flamutari vs. Partizani Tirana – Albania Super League

So the top 30 is about as far down the rankings as Noob looks in Europe for matches with which to intrigue and delight. But now is when we begin our true Friday Globetrotting, Noobites!

Albania’s league is just a little further down the ladder from Slovenia’s (#34). Naturally, they also get just one team into Champions League. Tirana are #1, two points up on Skenderbeu Korce. These are the only two realistic title-chasers.

If you recognize the name Skenderbeu, congratulations! They’ve been on Noob before, noteworthy for having been banned 10 years from international competion for match-fixing. Flamutari are in 6^th.

RESULT: Falmutari 1-0 Upset City!

6. Balzan vs. Hamrun Spartans – Malta Premier

Couple o’ midtable teams from Malta. #47 league in Europe. Let’s just Fun Fact these bad boys.

Fun Fact: The village of Balzan is only a few thousand people. But it’s part of an area known as Three Villages and borders the city of Birkirkara (country’s second-largest).

Fun Fact: Hamrun are also nicknamed tas-sikkina, meaning “of the knife”, roughly. It might refer to many people from there being stevedores on the docks, or to Sicilians living there illegally in the 1500’s who were known to do dances that involved pulling the stiletto knives from their socks and waving them around.

RESULT: 2-2

7. Gibraltar United vs. Glacis United – Gibraltar Premier

League #51 of 55! When you’ve only got a population of maybe 35,000 people, hard to climb very high. Gibraltar United is in 3^rd. They’re fewer than ten matches into the season, but it already appears they won’t have the defense to keep up with the usual championship suspects – Europa FC and Lincoln Red Imps. Glacis are in 7^th.

RESULT: United 2-1

8. Ferizaj vs. Prishtina – Kosovo Premier

Kosovo’s league is #53. That’s so low, the country only gets two clubs into the Europa League instead of the more usual three.

But this may be mostly due to how new specifically-Kosovar football is. They’ve only had their own recognize football federation since the 2016-17, and didn’t start earning points for ranking until a year after that. With a population of about two million, they should be able to raise the league to a a higher profile in time.

Ferizaj are in second-to-last place, a position that would get them Relegated at season’s end. So yes, there is at least one more level if football there. Prishtina wouldn’t know. They’re in 1^st, having only given up four goals in fifteen matches.

RESULT: 0-0

Prishtina was the best club from what is now Kosovo back in the Yugoslav First League days.

9. Aiglon vs. New Star – Martinique Division d’Honneur

That southern European weather was dreamy for a couple matches there. Kosovo? Eh. So to the Carribbean we go!

Powerhouse league? Nah. But despite being a French Overseas Territory (and so non-FIFA member), in CONCACAF. Hallooooo, neighbors.

The top two finishers in this league will qualify for the Caribbean Football Union (subgroup of CONCACAF) Club Championship. That event, in turn, serves as a qualifier for the CONCACAF Champions League. It’s very early, but Aiglon are #B and the numbers indicate they’ll stay there and have only one threat for the title. New Star are 5th place.

RESULT: Aiglon 2-1

10. Al Hudod – Al Quwa Al Jawiya – Iraq Premier

We finish our Trekking Track in Asia! This isn’t quite a top-ten league there, but close, and high enough that they qualify the maximum two teams into the AFC Champions League.

Al Jawiya were runners-up last year, 6-0-0 so for this season. Early results indicate Al Shorta likely to be their top threat. It certainly won’t be Al Hudod, wallowing down in 13^th. Why so bad? See that there? Noob just scored on Hudod. There, it happened again. Bless you. Someone sneezed and scored on ’em. You get the idea.

RESULT: Hudod 1-0 A clean sheet? Well, well!

So long from Baghdad, home of Al Hudod!

Statue of Karahmana and the forty jars

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/11) soccer matches – MLS playoffs lead the way

Don’t forget to check back on any Track’s matches later for results!

Also, the newest of Noobites may always check the Vocab page to the right on the main page.

New York Red Bulls vs. Columbus Crew – Major League Soccer

After leading the field most of the regular season, Atlanta United slipped late and lost the Supporters Shield to NYRB. That means Red Bulls had the most points in the standings of any team in the league. And in most leagues in the world, that club would be the champions for the season.

But in Amuricuh, we do Playoffs! They’ve reached the Conference Semifinals, the second round. Here (and next round), the opponents face off in two-legged, home and away ties. The East’s #5 seed, Columbus, won their home match 1-0.

Red Bulls scored nearly half again as much than the Crew throughout the season. It’s hard to imagine them being held done a second match in a row, especially in the Big Apple.

New York’s last seven goals have all been scored by different players. Noob thinks early-season leader Brandon Wright-Phillips will reemerge. But all the momentum belongs to the visitors. Columbus haven’t lost to Red Bulls in their last four matches. (7:30 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT: NYRB 3-0 On to the Conference Finals for Red Bulls! Daniel Royer with two goals and an assist.

B. Manchester City vs. Manchester United – English Premier League

Derby time!

After a dreadful start to the season, Man Utd are perhaps finally snapping out of their funk. They’ve climbed into 8^th place, won three matches in a row across all competitions, including a massive Champions League victory over Juventus. All have been 2-1 or 1-2 wins.

Meanwhile, Man City just jeeps trucking along, undefeated in league. Over the course of their six-match win streak, they’ve outscored opponents by a staggering 23-1 margin. It’s hard to believe they only lead the next three clubs by two points each in the table. (11:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT: Man City 3-1 Bernado Silva with a goal and an assist

Image result for alphabet race

Now THAT’S a derby.

Number B, victor!

Santos vs. CF America – Liga MX

With two matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season), these two have already guaranteed themselves top half-finishes. That means they’ll play in the Liguilla (postseason tournament) no matter what.

But seeding matters a lot. They trail #1 Cruz Azul by five and four points in the table, respectively. In all likelihood, they’re fighting for the runners-up position.

CF America’s defense is the tale today. They’ve ratcheted that up a notch their last three matches, allowing just one goal over that span. They’re a regular league powerhouse. Noob thinks they get the road upset today and will win the Liguilla no matter what seed they go in with. (7:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: 1-1

AC Milan vs. Juventus – Serie A

Remember that Champions League loss Juventus took to Manchester City? Well, no one’s managed that in Serie A all season. They’re second-best in Italy on both sides of the ball, three points up on Napoli, and likely to win on the road today.

Milan are tied for 5^th and just don’t have the backline to withstand Cristiano Ronaldo & Co. (2:30 PM, Rai Italia)

RESULT: Juve 0-2

Image result for cristiano ronaldo funny

Artist thought Ronaldo had taken one too many headers.

Sevilla vs. Espanyol – La Liga

Espanyol are the city of Barcelona’s “other team”. Barcelona-the club are still #1 in the league, but their little sisters are on the rise!

Last year they finished just 11^th, but now they sit in 3^rd place. Their success comes on defense, though they’re not completely deficient when it comes of scoring. That’s where they look a little stronger this year.

Sevilla are just one notch back in the table. They’re high-end scoring comes at the expense of giving up too many goals to perhaps compete with Barcelona for the title. At home, however, they’re not likely to have trouble with upstarts Espanyol. It’s a bad matchup for today’s guests. (12:30 PM, beIN Sports en Español)

RESULT: Sevilla 2-1 Ever Banega with two assits

Vicarstown vs. Crovan’s Gate – Isle of Sodor Premier

Crovan’s Gate made the Semifinals of the first-ever IoS FA Cup this summer. As the three Divisions were being planned for this inaugural PL season, The Gate were slated for the second tier. More, it was thought they wouldn’t even be in the top half of clubs there! But play on the Isle, historically, has been loosely organized at best.

The new FA knew it might be tough to really gauge relative club strengths, regardless of town or village sizes. To their credit, they decided to place all the Quarterfinalists in Premier level to start out.

In typical Sudric fashion, neither team plays a ton of D. Bigger Vicarstown comes in the favorites today. But there’s a reason British betting houses haven’t started offering lines on Sodor matches. There’s just no league history and performance for them (or us) to go off of.

RESULT: 4-4

Arsenal vs. Moulien – Guadeloupe Division d’Honneur

Noob’s quest to get to know all our CONCACAF neighbors a little better rolls on! The “other Arsenal” are #1, Moulien #B. Amical Club are just behind them and all three are undefeated after six league matches. It’s too early to know much, but worth pointing out that Arsenal have only beaten Moulien once in their last six matches.

The top two finishers will qualify for the Caribbean Club Championships. That, in turn, is a qualifying event for CONCACAF Champions League.

Nacional vs. Peñarol – Uruguay Premier

The Final!

Uruguay’s season is divided into two main stages, just like much of Latin America. These two each won one of those. They won 26 matches each, with Peñarol scoring all of one more point on the whole year. Both teams call Montevideo home. This is where today’s one off Final is being played, though not on either club’s home pitch.

The second half of the year, Peñarol started to really flex, becoming the best team on both sides of the ball. No reason to think that won’t make them the favorite on a neutral grounds. (2:30 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT: Peñarol 1-2 Congrats to the national champs! Cristiano Rodriguez with the go-ahead goal via penalty in AET.

Image result for so many letter U

Sooo many U’s…

NK Lokomotiva vs. Dinamo Zagreb – Croatia First Division

Statistically, the teams look nearly identical. but it’s Zagreb who are still undefeated with close to half the season in the books.

It’s not exactly must-win for Lokomotiva, but if they drop this home match, they’re then eight behind Zagreb. That’s a lot for any team to make up in a half season in any league. Either team can score in bunches, but defense is where both really set themselves apart.

Croatia’s top flight is ranked #16 by UEFA. Were they just one spot higher, the league would qualify two teams into the Champions league. As is, just one.

RESULT: Dinamo 0-1

Suduva vs. Zalgiris Vilnius – Lithuania A Lyga

We finish our Track much farther down the European league rankings. But it’s still a #1-#B matchup, no matter the Lyga is just #41 in UEFA.

There is no competition there for these two. Suduva lead everyone’s favorite Superman movie villain-sounding club by five points in the table with the season winding down. The next best team is two dozen points farther back.

Unlike Croatia’s best, these two are much more offensively-minded. Both average more than two goals per game, so a shootout looks to be in store.

RESULT: Z.V. 1-2 Domantas Simkus with the game-winner at 90′

So long from Marijampole, home of club Suduva!

The Millennia Monument

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/10) soccer matches – Champions Leagues, give us more!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Quirkly little slogan for the Track, the backbone feature of this project. What does it mean, what is Noob?

The goal is to give starter-level preview several times a week on the most important matches for newer fans to follow. Nothing taxing, yet informative on what’s going on in America, North America, England and beyond. Local first, never local only.

And it’s all done with hopefully enough weirdness to bring something to even more seasoned fans. The Quest for Number B. Sandwich Reviewoobs. Scorning “real” named teams that aren’t deserving. Isle of Sodor Premier League coverage. Hopefully soon a Stolen Mailbag feature soon.

Saturdays are a little less weirdness, a little more footyball. Dig in!

Boca Juniors vs. River Plate – Copa Libertadores

South America’s Champions League has reached its Final! This is the first match of the two-legged, home and away tie. Not that either will be travelling far. Both are based in Buenos Aires.

This is one of the fiercest rivalries in sports anywhere in the world. The fact that the teams are only in 8^th and 10^th, respectively, in the Argentine Premier so far means nothing here and now. These are two historical powers in the country and on the continent.

They’re only about ten matches into the league season. River Plate will climb. The offense might not be quite everything it could be, but the defense is #1 in the league. Juniors have gone the other way so far – top four-offense, struggling on D.

Two quick Fun Facts about this matchup. A year ago, it couldn’t have even happened as a Final. Previously, if two teams from the same country reached the Semis, they had to face one another. The goal was to try and ensure the Finals were a multi-nation affair, help the ratings. That rule was just removed.

Also, both teams were formed in Boca, the same barrio of Buenos Aires. River Plate are now based in Belgrano, a northern barrio. (3:00 PM EST, Fox Deportes)

RESULT: suspended due to rain; now slated for 2:00 PM EST tomorrow on Deportes

B. Persepolis vs. Kashima Antlers – AFC Champions League Final

Another Final! And this time, the trophy’s being handed out. Japan’s 2016-17 J1 League runners-up Kashima won the first leg 0-2.

Today, they try and finish things off against the defending Iranian domestic league champions. By Elo rating, Kashima is the better team. But the difference is small enough that Persepolis should be considered the favorite at home. But by two goals? Not likely.

RESULT: 0-0 Kudos to the champs! Kashima takes the title

Crystal Palace vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

Three clubs remain undefeated in England. Hotspur is not one of them, but rather right behind them in 4^th. If they can maintain a position at least that high in the table, they’ll qualify for next year’s Champions League. Palace are down in 14^th.

They’re on a three-match win streak across all competitions, but haven’t kept a clean sheet in five. That’s rather the opposite of their league season to date. The defense has been quite solid, but the offense isn’t what the truer title contenders have shown.

Tenured Noobites know how Noob feels about Hotspur. The club is named for historical multi-king traitor Harry Percy. Rather than spew my usual bile and vitriol over this fact, I’ll use this as an opportunity to preview a hopefully-upcoming feature. Noob is working on an interview with Will Rivard, creator of website Tottenham Hotspur World (Twitter: @WorldHotspur).

I hope it will be a chance at a slightly deeper dive than Noob gives for individual clubs, the sort of site to which newer fans graduate from Noob. Perhaps a little club history, news on the current state of the team and where it’s headed, maybe even an explanation on why it’s named for such a cretinous yahoo as Harry “Hotspur” Percy.

Whoops. I said no bile and vitriol. Just look for it soon, Noobites. It should be a treat.

RESULT: Hotspur 1-0

Wow, Sir Topham Hatt looks something other than cross for once!

Tigres UANL vs. Puebla – Liga MX

Two matches left for these two in the Apertura (first half-season). The top half of the league (eight clubs) will qualify for the Liguilla (postseason tournament).

Puebla are in 11^th place. They’re just three points behind 8^th-place Pachuca. Still, they likely need to win both they’re remaining matches to leapfrog the necessary clubs and climb three steps in the table. Trouble is, they’ve allowed 2+ goals in seven consecutive matches. They’ve been bottom-four defensively to date.

Tigres are in 7^th. They just broke a three-match non-winning streak with a road W over midtable Morelia. Before that clean sheet, they’d allowed 11 goals over their last four matches. (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT: Tigres 6-1

Metropolitan Police vs. Newport County – England FA Cup

Yesterday, Noob featured a Minnow Watch and here we get another! This is the first round of the “Competition Proper”, where teams as high as the third-tier of English football enter the tournament. Previously, teams from the lower divisions have been battling to get to this point.

Metropolitan Police are one of three seventh-tier teams to have survived those qualifying rounds. They are out of the Southern League Premier Division South, based in Surrey. They’re just midtable there, and playing dreadful defense.

Newport Town come calling today, from level four of the English football pyramid. They’re tied for 5^th in League Two, though it’s hard to see how. They make their host’s defense look divine.

Too just look at stats in their respective leagues, this could be a shootout. Or given the gap in pyramid level, Newport may just come in and crush them.

RESULT: Newport 0-2

Higher-league teams could take a lesson from the fine crest-work.

FC Porto vs. Braga – Portugual Primeira Liga

Braga are the lone undefeated team remaining here in UEFA’s #7-ranked league. Tied with them – FC Porto. Both lead the rest of the league on both offense and defense. Top two finishers make the Champions League next year.

A draw would leave both vulnerable to fellow powerhouse Sporting CP just behind. A win for either gives them a real leg up in the title race, even here early in the season.

RESULT: Porto 1-0

Connah’s Quay vs. Barry Town – Welsh Premier

The Welsh top flite may be one of Europe’s weakest, but Noob’s always down for more tied-for-1^st place action!

Connah’s Quay is no surprise. They finished 3^rd last year, about as low as Noob’s seen in my brief time closely following the footsball.

Barry Town? Yeah, they were in 7^th last year. They’ve won seven of eight matches running, though every win but one by a single goal. Soccer may not be a high-scoring affair typically, but that’s unusual even in this sport. They’re not strong enough up front to keep this up all season long, will drop to midtable.

RESULT: 2-2

Audax Italiano vs. Palestino – Copa Chile

What an odd Final. With a Copa Libertadores berth going to the FA Cup winner, one would think the best teams would be getting here. Audax and Palestino are well down the Premier League table in Chile, 11^th and 13^th, respectively.

Heck, Palestino is only two spots clear of the Relegation Zone! Noob wonders if a team has ever qualified for the CL and been Demoted in the same season.

This is the first leg of the two-legged, home and away Final. Between the higher table position and actually having a positive goal differential, Noob supposed Audax has to be the favorite.

RESULT: Palestino 0-1

Mediterranean Chickpea Chili

C’mon, that’s odd chili.

*sigh* Who’s running images here with Dan the Intern-o Inferno gone?

Zrinjski Mostar vs. FK Sarajevo – Bosnia and Herzegovina Premier

We return to Europe for a #B-#1 matchup. The league is only ranked #40 (of 55) by UEFA, yet that only rachets up the drama. Only one club can earn a Champions League invite.

Sarajevo made a late push to finish even 3^rd last season. Now, they lead the pack by five points. They’ve averaged over two goals per match, which is astounding. More so, because they’re among the league leaders at goal-stopping, too.

This isn’t must-win for Mostar, as the season is only halfway done. Yet falling behind by eight points should they take the L at home today would have them in a bad way. They’re the #B offense in the league, but by a lot. It will be curious to see if they try pushing the pace at home, or take some of the air out of the ball. Noob thinks if they make the game wide-open, they’re going to go down.

RESULT: 2-2

Newcastle Jets vs. Sydney FC – Australia A-League

We finish the Saturday track down under in a top-ten Asian League. Yes, Noob knows they’re their own continent. They left the OFC for the AFC some years ago.

The season is so young Down under that we’re better served looking at last year’s table. it was a weird one. Sydney FC blew everyone out. Even so, Newcastle had no close competition for runners-up position.

Three matches in this year, Sydney have yet to lose. Newcastle sits in dead last. They’ve only scored twice. Maybe they should try wresting Usain Bolt away from Central Coast Mariners since he hasn’t yet completed a contract with them. (Yes, that Usain Bolt. He’s been training with CCM for a while now.)

RESULT: 1-1 Jets’ Nicholas Cowburn equalizes at 87′

So long from Newcastle!

Home of Electrofringe, part of the annual This Is Not Art festival.

experimental electronic and technologically-based art

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/4) soccer matches – MLS playoffs lead the way!

Noob is just 2-6 in the top division in his Scrabble tournament this weekend. And I haven’t even faced the former national champ yet. Welp.

So serving up the ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game – is sweet relief to me. I’m still previewing a match from there this week, but I can’t wait to go salve my wounds with a return back to my fall-winter Sodor home next weekend.

Portland Timbers vs. Seattle Sounders – Major League Soccer playoffs

It’s the Quarterfinals! In this and the next round, teams face off in two-legged, home-and-away ties. The lesser seed hosts first. That’s #5 Portland.

The Timers have had quite the roller coaster season. Their springtime was simply divine, filled with rain showers and blooming lilies and never a stormy cloud or loss to be seen. But the summer heat made them inconsistent as could be.

Noob-reviled Sounders come in red-hot, on a five-match win streak. The defense carried them most of the year. Of late, it’s been their offense shouldering the load. If that continues, this is a bad matchup for Portland, which struggled on defense compared to most Playoff clubs. (5:30 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT: Portland 2-1

B. NYCFC vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer playoffs

Atlanta were annihilated in their final regular season match by defending champs yet non-playoff bound Toronto. That cost them the East’s #1 seed and the Supporters Shield. But as the #B team, they still got a bye into the Quarters.

The New York Blues beat Philly in both of their last two matches. That’s good work. But Atlanta were the scoring champs of the entire league and played just as good of defense as New York City FC. (7:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT: Atl 0-1

Image result for grouchy soccer

how Noob imagines the supporters for New York and Philly — grouchy

3. Wellsworth vs. Ffarquhar – Isle of Sodor Premier

Since Noob’s in Asheville, NC, I’ll miss this fun matchup in the IoSPL’s inaugural season.

Wellsworth were going to be in the bottom of the three divisions. But they made the Quarterfinals of the first-ever FA Cup this summer. As reward, they get to play top flite.

Ffarquhar plays in one of the larger towns of the same name, also made the Quarters. They were slated for PL status already.

These teams were about mirror images of one another statistically. it’s hard not to lean on the visitors as favorites. Suddric clubs all draw pretty much from their immediate locales for players. Wellsworth is a small village — it’s just a numbers game.

Neither played much defense in the FA Cup, even compared to other teams. That’s saying something. Aggressive defense is quietly considered uncouth on Sodor.

RESULT: Ffarquhar 1-5

UNAM Pumas vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

With three matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season), Noob believes at least six teams have a realistic shot at the regular season title.

These two are in 4^th and 3^rd place, respectively. Cruz Azul play the league’s tightest D, but their offense has scuffled this month. Some of that may be the extra matches as they advance deeply in the Copa MX going on.

Pumas haven’t lost a match in a couple months. I’m not sure they will catch CF America for #1. but I’d bet on them moving up a couple spots to #B.

RESULT: Cruz 1-2 Cruz is the new #1

Image result for six is crazy Zero to do with soccer, but PersonNoob (my daughter) loves M.L.P.’s “Mane Six”.

Arsenal vs. Birmingham City – England Women’s Super League

Last season, Arsenal missed a top-two finish and invite to the Champions League by just one point in the table. And they’re still feeling raw about it. 6-0-0, 31:3 GD. It was Chelsea pulling the unbeaten number all last season, but there’s a new leader of this pack.

Nearly all the rest of the teams struggle to score a little, and #3 Birmingham is no exception. They’ve only allowed three goals, but may well give up that many today.

RESULT: Arsenal 3-1 Jordan Noobs with two goals, and the coolly-named Danielle van de Donk with the other for Arsenal

Cork City vs. Dundalk – FAI Cup (Ireland)

It’s the Final!

Congrats to the league champs, Dundalk, upending two-time defending champs Cork City. And now they wrestle over another trophy today.

Dundalk lead the Premier there in goal-scoring and defense. It’s their offense that’s the greater strength.

Cork lost too many close matches to make it a close regular season title race. But Dundalk have only managed draws their last two away matches. Noob suspects they probably just rested starters with title in hand, but maybe they’ve spent themselves and the road has become hard. And while this isn’t a home match for Cork, neither is it in Dundalk. The big national stadium in Dublin hosts this one.

RESULT: Dundalk 1-2 hail to the victors!

Image result for FAI Cup Trophy 2018

Soooo shiny

Olimpia vs. Cerro Porteño – Paraguay Pro Division

Olimpia ran away with the Apertura regular season title and are doing the same here in the Clausura (second-half season). They’ve already guaranteed themselves a berth into the next Champions League.

C.P. again find themselves #B. Their D is sensational. But if that’s the immovable object, Olimpia’s firepower is the irresistible force. And they’re more irresistible – you saucy minxes – than C.P. is immovable.

RESULT: 2-2 Naughtiness ensued at 90′! A red card for someone on each time and Olimpia hits a penalty at that mark

Portmore United vs. Tivoli Gardens – Jamaica Premier

Jamaica and Trinidad and Tobago are the strongest leagues of those in the Caribbean subgroup in CONCACAF.

Portmore crushed it during 2017-18 regular season, then went on to win the tournament title. Tivoli finished 3^rd last year. The new season is just seven matches in, but things look largely the same. T.G. can play defense with the best of them, but can’t put it in the back of the net like Portmore.

RESULTL Tivolo 0-1

Image result for Jamaican crush

Impress your fave Portmore fan and/or your own Jamaican crush with a lovely gift of Jamaican Crush.

Le Geldar vs. Etoile Matoury – French Guiana Honor Division

Nation a FIFA member? Nope. Full CONCACAF member? You betcha. Two-horse race last year between these two, with Le Geldar winning the trophy by one point.

And that’s an even closer margin here than in most leagues. In French Guiana, a win is worth four points, a tie worth two for each team, or one point just for showing up to lose. so instead of two or three table-points being distributed like in most leagues, here it’s four or five.

RESULT: 0-0

Scholars United vs. Roma United – Cayman Islands Premier

We finish our Track with another matchup of 2017-18 #1 and #B teams! This was another race decided by just a point. But this league is different than most, or was last season.

These top two were both carried by their defense. They didn’t Small Ball, but the next four teams in the table all played about as well or better on offense. Just not the way these things happens in most places.

RESULT: 1-1

T.E. McField Sports Centre, George Town

So long from T.E. McField Sports Center, George Town, C.I.!

home of Scholars

’10 to Track’ Saturday (10/20) soccer matches – USL Playoffs, Liga MX, Premier League lead the way

When I became a man I put away childish things – 1 Corinthians 13:11

Noob spends a lot of the week on nuttiness. That doesn’t change on weekends. But today’s ‘ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game’ gets at least comparatively serious.

Today’s matches are a cavalcade of wonder and quality. Feast. Feast!!

Pittsburgh Riverhounds vs. Bethlehem Steel – United Soccer League Playoffs

Except for one match from yesterday, all the opening Round of 16 matches are being played today. The format is knockout – no home and away series. Noob’s selected this one because intrastate rivalry adds an extra layer of fun.

They are the #3 and #6 seeds, respectively. Noob as a hard time necessarily saying Pittsburgh are the “best” defense in the league. They allowed the fewest goals all season, so it’s quite possible. But they didn’t score much compared to their postseason-qualifying peers.

Noob’s calling for the upset today! I don’t believe in the small ball-strategy teams like the Riverhounds try to stand on. Yes, it’s served them well this season. But Noob thinks more balanced teams reign in crunch time. In the Eastern Conference, no team was more balanced than Bethlehem.

I believe all the playoff matches are available online via ESPN+ (7:00 PM EST).

RESULT: Bethlehem 2-2 / 7-8 pk

Image result for zoolander bethlehem steel

With Stiller’s help, Bethlehem are ready to let the beast out of the cage.

B. Chelsea vs. Manchester United – English Premier League

Chelsea are part of an undefeated, three-way tie for 1^st. Good defense, exceptional on goal-scoring. They’re on a mission after missing out on the current Champions League because of their 5^th-place finish last season.

Man Utd. have only won one of their last five matches across all competitions. When a team with the caliber of players they have isn’t D-ing up, it can be a sign of motivation, off-field troubles. And whoa have United been dealing with that. The power struggle between one of their superstars (Pogba) and head coach (Mourinho) continues unabated.

At least they’ve won three of four specifically in the EPL. Still, Chelsea should handle them with relative ease at home, a couple goals says I.

On a side note, The Management pointed me to a fine article on the current state of the EPL power structure, why no one is going to touch Man City again this year, that they should dominate by even more than during their record-setting 2017-18 season:

https://www.theringer.com/soccer/2018/10/19/17995886/the-premier-league-standings-are-lying-to-you

Goodness but Noob hates giving The Management any credit for anything. I will now take a “Crying Game”-scalding hot shower to try and rid myself of the awful feeling. (7:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT: 2-2 Chelsea gets the equalizer at 90+6′! Anthony Martial with both goals for Man Utd.

Queretaro vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

#1 Cruz Azul are coming back down to earth a little, winning and losing two of their last four outings. The Apertura (first half-season is 2/3 of the way through and they lead the next teams down by two points in the table.

Queretaro are just trying to finish in the top half of the standings, make the Liguilla (Playoffs). They lead a three-way tie for the eight and final berth. But they haven’t won a league match since the end of August. The offense has simply vanished, and to quote the Shawshank warden, like a fart in the wind.

RESULT: Queretaro 2-0

Barcelona vs. Sevilla – La Liga

Alaves lead the league after a win yesterday, but have nowhere near the firepower to remain there long. They’ve now played one more match than the likely real contenders, like these two here.

Tied-for-3^rd Barcelona started the league season with four straight wins, but haven’t won one since. It’s possible they’re stretching themselves a bit thin with Champions League right now is all. Sevilla are #B and have trended the other way, winning all four of their latest league games.

Both have the offense to stay table-top. But will they be able to hold off the more defensive-minded big Madrid teams lurking just down the table? (6:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT: Barcelona 4-2

Image result for almost sounded smart funny

Noob almost sounded smart there, eh?

But now back to vocab and counting work...

W Connection vs. Central – Trinidad and Tobago Pro League

I’ve watched so much “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” with my daughter, “PersonNoob”, that I’ve been more inspired than ever in recent months to get to know our CONCACAF neighbors. And this is the best matchup going, a shiny #1 versus #B face-off.

The league champions and runners-up will qualify for next year’s Caribbean Club Championship. The winner of that will, in turn, qualify for the 2020 CONCACAF Champions League.

This is a very offense-centric league. W score theirs and then some, but are the only club there that plays more than seemingly token defense (.5 goals allowed per game-average). Central are tied for #B. They’re one of the worst league culprits, though, when it comes to turnstyle-defense.

RESULT: ppd

T.N.S. vs. Connah’s Quay – Welsh Premier League

Is this a strong European league? Nope! #50 ranking in UEFA. But they’re on the rise, will climb a couple notches when the 2019’s are out. And Noob gives propers to all top U.K. leagues.

Two traditional heavyweights lead there again. The New Saints look like the best team in paper, but CQ lead them by two in the table after a run of five straight league wins.

Barry Town is right there, too, but that is a very temporary thing. No one else but these two will challenge for the title. Both their defenses are twice as good as anyone else’s, and the same can nearly be said of the offenses.

RESULT: TNS 3-0

Image result for Welsh kung fu

Your soccer is weak, Wales, as is your tiny kung fu!

Ludogorets Razgrad vs. Levski Sofia – Bulgaria First Pro League

We move well up the UEFA league ladder to find Bulgaria’s perfectly average one. This one’s turning into a three-horse race, and these two are the leaders.

Razgrad like to go up and down more than anyone in the country. But Levski can run with them and still manage to play fair D. Noob’s looking for #1 Levski Sofia to get a key road win, which should good and piss off #3 CSKA-Sofia.

RESULT: Razgrad 2-1

Universidad Catolica vs. Unversidad de Concepcion – Chile Primera

Chile’s league is starting to lose a little luster lately in South America. But it’s still one of the better ones in CONMEBOL, if no Brazil or Argentina. It’s rare or perhaps even unique that they don’t divided into multiple partial seasons within a full year, unlike most Latin American leagues do.

The top three will qualify for the next Copa Libertadores, S. America’s version of Champions League. the university teams are always excellent, and this year is no exception. These are the #1 and #B teams. Catolica would be putting some distance between themselves and the pack, but just suffered a surprise bushwhacking by midtable-at-best Huachipato.

RESULT: Catolica 1-0

Image result for south american geography funny

Don’t confuse Noob, cartographers!

Noob needs no help from you on that front.

Nacional vs. Peñarol – Uruguay Primera

Nacional won the first half-season, qualifying themselves for the Championship Playoff to take place at the end of this current, second stage of the year. Now they’re #B, trailing their visitor’s today by four in the table with the stage soon ending,

No reason to think that these two won’t be the Championship players when all is said and done. Peñarol found their defensive stride and have absolutely throttled teams the last couple months. (2:00 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT: 1-1

Honorable Mention: Zurich is hosting Young Boys of Bern in another #B-#1 matchup today, in the Swiss Super League. But YBB are the only “super” ones. They’re so much better than everyone else this year, they should easily be considered a two-goal fave on the road today.

RESULT: Noob wouldn’t normally include an HM result, but YBB had to make a big comeback to draw 3-3

Buducnost Podgorica vs. OFK Titograd – Montenegro First League

We finish today’s Track with yet another in the parade of 1-B matchups today! This league is no stronger than Wales’, but hey – they’re playing.

B.P. are one of the two clubs with which Noob is at all familiar from this league (Sutjeska being the other). Yet it’s Titograd that are #1! Not only that, but B.P. haven’t beaten them in their last four tries. That includes a 1-0 loss this season.

But Tito have only a draw to show for their last two outings. The teams look pretty similar statistically so far, but B.P. reclaiming their familiar spot atop the table after today feels likely.

RESULT: BP 2-1

So long from Podgorica’s Cathedral of the Resurrection!

Really unique architecture, not mimicking the more common High-Byzantine style like so many Orthodox ones.

1. Atlas vs. CF America – Liga MX

B. Palestine vs. Australia – Asian Cup

3. Leeds vs. Derby County – EFL Championship

4. Lobi Stars vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

5. Mantab vs. Conaree – Saint Kitts and Nevis Premier

6. Somerset Trojans vs. Robin Hood – Bermuda Premier

7. Tefana vs. Central Sport – Tahiti Ligue 1

8. Al Hilal vs. Al Raed – Saudi Pro League

9. Police vs. AS Kigali – Rwanda Premier

10. Adama Kenema vs. Dire Dawa City – Ethiopia Premier

10. Rosario Central vs. Gimnasia LP – Copa Argentina

3. Monterrey vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

4. Manchester United vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

5. Atletico Junior vs. Atletico PR – Copa Sudamericana

6. Zamora vs. Deportivo Lara – Venezuela Premier

7. Ulsan Hyundai vs. Daegu FC – (South) Korean FA Cup

8. Northeast United vs. Bengaluru – India Super League

9. Turbine Potsdam vs. VfL Wolfsburg – Frauen-Bundesliga

1. UANL vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX Femenil

B. Montpelier vs. Lille – Ligue 2

1. Pumas UNAM vs. Tigres UANL– Liga MX

B. Arsenal vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

3. RB Leipzig vs. Borussia Monchengladbach – Bundesliga

4. Alaves vs. Sevilla – La Liga

5. Celtic vs. Aberdeen – Scottish League Cup

6. Manchester City vs. Arsenal – England Women’s Soccer League

7. Heredinao vs. Alajuense – Costa Rica Premier

8. Deportiva Lara vs. Zamora – Venezuela Premier

9. Emelec vs. LDU Quito – Ecuador Serie A

10. Basel vs. Young Boys of Bern – Swiss Super League

1. Santos vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

B. Manchester City vs. AFC Bournemouth – English Premier League

3. Lille vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

4. Flamengo vs. Atletico PR – Brazil Serie A

5. Nigeria vs. South Africa – Africa Women Cup of Nations

6. Olimpia vs. Real España – Honduras National League

7. San Pedro vs. Verdes – Belize Premier

8. Fiji vs. New Zealand – OFC Nations Cup

9. Consadole Sapporo vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – Japan J1 League

10. Ballymena United vs. Linfield – Northern Ireland Premier

9. Sporting Kansas City vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer

10. New York Red Bulls vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

3. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Inter Milan – UEFA Champions League

4. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League

5. Porto vs. Schalke – UEFA Champions League

6. Monterrey vs. Santos – Liga MX

7. Saprissa vs. Herediano – Costa Rica Premier

8. Portmore United vs. Tivoli Gardens – Jamaica Premier

1. Lyon vs. Manchester City – UEFA Champions League

B. AS Roma vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

1. Morelia vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

B. Lyon vs. St. Etienne – France Ligue 1

3. Go Ahead Eagles vs. TOP Oss – Netherlands Eerste Divisie

4. Olimpija Ljubljana vs. Mura – Slovenia Prva Liga

5. Flamutari vs. Partizani Tirana – Albania Super League

6. Balzan vs. Hamrun Spartans – Malta Premier

7. Gibraltar United vs. Glacis United – Gibraltar Premier

8. Ferizaj vs. Prishtina – Kosovo Premier

9. Aiglon vs. New Star – Martinique Division d’Honneur

10. Al Hudod – Al Quwa Al Jawiya – Iraq Premier

New York Red Bulls vs. Columbus Crew – Major League Soccer

B. Manchester City vs. Manchester United – English Premier League

Santos vs. CF America – Liga MX

AC Milan vs. Juventus – Serie A

Sevilla vs. Espanyol – La Liga

Vicarstown vs. Crovan’s Gate – Isle of Sodor Premier

Arsenal vs. Moulien – Guadeloupe Division d’Honneur

Nacional vs. Peñarol – Uruguay Premier

NK Lokomotiva vs. Dinamo Zagreb – Croatia First Division

Suduva vs. Zalgiris Vilnius – Lithuania A Lyga

Boca Juniors vs. River Plate – Copa Libertadores

B. Persepolis vs. Kashima Antlers – AFC Champions League Final

Crystal Palace vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

Tigres UANL vs. Puebla – Liga MX

Metropolitan Police vs. Newport County – England FA Cup

FC Porto vs. Braga – Portugual Primeira Liga

Connah’s Quay vs. Barry Town – Welsh Premier

Audax Italiano vs. Palestino – Copa Chile

Zrinjski Mostar vs. FK Sarajevo – Bosnia and Herzegovina Premier

Newcastle Jets vs. Sydney FC – Australia A-League