Tag: Major League Soccer

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – eep! #11, too – USL Final

Midweek Edition – time to slow down, tease out ten most important matches, for us – the newish American fans of the global game – over three days.  Think of it as a soccer slow jam, if you will.   Listen to a 90’s R&B fave whilst you read.

OK, or maybe not.  That got weird.  Again.

Tuesday and Wednesday matches and results are further down.

More Thursday

11.  Louisville FC vs. Phoenix Rising – United Soccer League

Good LAWD!   You’d think Noob would learn a lesson.  I tend to scout out matches for Track inclusion five days in advance.    This FINAL  Amuricuh didn’t appear on my primary sched source because it doesn’t do TBD.  Phoenix played their Semfinal  four days ago.

But that’s the reason, not an excuse.  And at least it can be rectified now, hours before kickoff.

Louisville are the defending tournament champions.  In the Eastern Conference this year, they finished #B, well behind MLS-bound FC Cincinnati.  They get to host this one-off final.  No return to leg to Phoenix, this is it.    Phoenix Rising look becomes Phoenix Risen with an upset win.   Noob says upset because they finished 3rd in the West.

Phoenix conceded far fewer goals than many other Western clubs – including those that made the playoffs.  But they don’t play any better on that end than L’ville, and their hosts have more firepower.  Noob smells a title decided by penalty kicks, but on paper this is advantage reigning champs.   (8:00 PM, ESPN2).

RESULT:   Louisville    1-0        Hail to the champions!

Image result for close call soccer gif

 

Noob’er with the save!

 

If barely…

 

 

Thursday

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer playoffs

The Conference Semifinals continue!  This is the second match of a two-legged tie.

The five-seed Portland won the first match 2-1 at their place.  This broke #B Seattle’s five-match win streak.  Noob has suggested this was a bad matchup for Portland.  Seattle’s offense had been playing their best ball of the season and defense is where Portland had often struggled.

That Timber defense did just enough to win.  Now we get to see if they can hold up on the road.  If they had a weakness, is up the middle some.  Expect to see Seattle run at defender New Zealander Bill Poni Tuiloma to try and get to and through veteran keeper Jeff Attinella.   (10:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Seattle   3-2       And they don’t use away-goals as a tiebreaker.  Still, congrats to Portland!   They won 6-8 on penalty kicks.

  1. Portugal vs. U.S.A. – women’s international friendly

The FIFA #1-ranked ladies head to Lisbon to face the 33rd-ranked team in the world.   They’ve only ever met six times and the U.S. has won all the matches.

With a win today, the USWNT will have it’s 500th-ever program win since forming in 1985.  They should get it by a goal or two, even on the road.   (1:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   U.S.A.   0-1

Image result for America gif funny

 

‘Murican treasure Danny McBride is revved up for the game.

  1. Argentina vs. Panama – Women’s World Cup qualification playoff

Panama finished the CONCACAF World Cup qualification tournament in 4th place.  Only the top three finishers gained entry.  But Panama gets one last shot.  Like their men’s national team counterparts did last year, if the women get in, this will be their first WC ever.

Argentina finished 3rd in the Copa American Feminina, a South American tournament held once every four years.  The top two finishers qualified for WC.

This playoff is a two-legged tie, so they’ll play again on 11/13.  The teams are ranked #66 and #37 in the world, respectively.  Given the oft-seeming lack of parity in the women’s game, that difference is mammoth.  Expect Panama to win on the road outright.

RESULT:   Argentina   4-0     

Honorable Mention:   Congrats to Platense, winners of the Honduran Copa Presidente!   Noob was going to preview this match, but it was played yesterday.  My scouting had shown it slated for today.

  1. Vidi vs. PAOK – Europa League

Good thing Noob keeps back-up matches handy for such occasions.

This is Europe’s second-most prestigious international club tournament.  The Qualifying Rounds are done and the “event proper” – the Group Stage – is halfway complete.

Clubs have been divided into Groups of four each, playing double round robins.  Top two finishers in each will advance to the Knockout Stage.  And remember, the winner of the whole shebang gets an auto-pass into next year’s Champions League.

There are a slew of matches today.   Noob’s highlighting this Group L match because of how things sit in the table.  Chelsea have won all three of their matches and will not be caught.  But all three other teams are tied!

MOL Vidi qualified for the Champions League by being last year’s Hungarian top-flite winners.  They were knocked out in one of the later qualifying rounds by AEK Athens, and so have been dropped into this tournament.

PAOK were Greece’s runners-up last season.  They also qualified for Champions League, falling one win shy of making the Group Stage there.  Portugal’s Benfica housed them.

On paper, PAOK are the favorites by a fair bit.   They play out of UEFA’s 14th-ranked league compared to Hungary’s at #33.  In terms of Elo rating, the Greeks are 100 points more highly-rated.  They should probably win 5/8 of the time on a neutral pitch.

But this ain’t no neutral pitch.  More, Vidi won the first matchup in Greece, 0-2.

RESULT:   Vidi   1-0

Image result for harold and kumar at white castle

 

One of Noob’s dream’s is to own a White Castle in Vidi’s home city of Szekesfehevar.

It translates, of course, to “white castle”.

 

Wednesday

  1. CSKA Moscow vs. Roma – UEFA Champions League

Today’s slate of CL games may not quite match up with yesterday’s matches.   But Group G may be about to turn into a super-tight race if the home team

CSKA-Moscow were the runners-up in the Russian Premier League.  This is a stronger league than many realize, ranked #6 by UEFA.  They’re in 3rd, but just two points behind their visitors today and Real Madrid.

That all said, Roma are a lot better.  They finished 3rd in last year’s Serie A (#3 in UEFA).  Noob-fave for Elo ratings footballdatabase.com is back up, indicates a pretty be gulf between the two.  Even on the road, Roma should win this by goal or two.  The Soviet side just doesn’t score enough.

Roma won the first Group Stage matchup with CSKA-M 3-0.

RESULT:   Roma   1-2

Image result for funny Russian sportsCome to Moscow for the surprisingly decent soccer. 

Stay for the chessboxing.  Yep.

  1. Plaza de Amador vs. Costa del Este – Panama National League

One of Central America’s stronger leagues?   Nope.   Getting to know all our CONCACAF neighbors just the same?  Aww yeeeah.

One last round of matches and the Apertura is complete.   Noob’s sources are in conflict, sio I reserve the right to correct this after the fact ?   What I believe is that the top six clubs all make the postseason tournament.  The top two will get byes.

CdE can lead #B Tauro by three, others by four or more.  They can do no worse than #B and will get a bye.  They haven’t won any more matches than several other teams, but have earned a lot of draws and suffered only two losses.

PdA are in a three-way tie for 3rd, lead the other two on tiebreaking goal differential.  none of them can finish worse than 5th, so they’re qualified for the postseason.  This is the league’s Small Ball club – they appear to pack it in on defense and not score much themselves.

RESULT:       Noob has no idea.   It now appears this may have been a Copa match.  it may be that it ended 0-0.  Or it may have been cancelled.   The entire Copa may have been cancelled according to one source I saw.  *shrug*

  1. CD Aguila vs. Alianza – El Salvador Premier

El Sllllllllavadoooohhhhhrrrrrr!   Always am compelled to get that out of my system.

This is a bit stronger of a league.  Top eight of 12 make the Apertura postseason tournament.  Here, they have four more matches to go.

These are the #3 and #B clubs.   Aguila has almost no chance to catch Alianza, are playing to maintain their current table position.  This is a pretty well-balanced club, though perhaps a bit soft on defense.

Alianza are just a point behind #1 Santa Tecla.  They’re better than balanced.  A- defense and A++ offense.  Noob knows that’s not a real thing, but you get the idea.   They’re going to win the Apertura.

RESULT:   Alianza   1-2

Image result for el salvador gif

 

El Salvador Jr. – Mexican luchador.

Yeah,. Noob doesn’t get that, either.

 

Tuesday

  1. Napoli vs. Paris Saint-Germain – UEFA Champions League

It’s the most prestigious club competition in all world football, Europe’s championship.  The early “qualifying” rounds are long since done now and the biggest teams have joined the qualifiers here in the Group Stage.   Here, we have eight Groups of four clubs each. Top two finishers advance to the bracketed Knockout Stage.

This is where Noob very much takes liberty with the Track’s mission statement.   There are many CL matches today and nearly all are more “important” than any others anywhere.  But fans who want info on every single match aren’t typically here.   Noob and Noobite we be, and I will filter.

The most interesting match today appears to be this one.  Why?  Because PSG are really, really good.  They’re blowing away everyone at home in Ligue 1.

And they’re in 3rd in this Group.  The idea of them not advancing to the next Round is borderline unthinkable.  Yet with half the double round robin complete, they trail Liverpool by three as well as being a point behind Napoli.

Napoli – Italy’s Serie A runners-up – aren’t quite as good on paper, but not far behind.   If they can hold serve at home and get a win, that puts PSG in a bad way.

PSG has been scoring like crazy, will try to push the pace.  Napoli’s been relying on defense so far, so ball control midfield should determine who can control the pace.    (3:00 PM, TNT)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for NBA on tnt crewNoob’s starting a petition to have the Charles & Co. do the Champions League!

Might be “turrible”, but so what.

B.  Pachuca vs. CF America – Liga MX Femenil

Three matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season).   These are Group One (of Two) #1 and #B.   Top four from each make the Liguilla (postseason tournament).  These two are already in, but Pachuca can pretty much wrap up the #1 seed with a win today.   They already have a three-point lead.

Both teams are very balanced, should maintain the top two seeds no matter how things go today.  #3 Toluca scores a ton but gives up too many to likely be a threat.

RESULT:   Pachuca   3-2

  1. Tigres UANL vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX Femenil

This is also a #1-#B matchup, but maybe not quite as dramatic.  UNAL lead the Guad Squad by seven.  A win would wrap up the top spot.

This is a bad matchup for the visitors.   They’re a touch better on defense, but can’t score compared to other top Group Two clubs.

RESULT:   Tigres   2-1

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/4) soccer matches – MLS playoffs lead the way!

Noob is just 2-6 in the top division in his Scrabble tournament this weekend.  And I haven’t even faced the former national champ yet.   Welp.

So serving up the ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game – is sweet relief to me.  I’m still previewing a match from there this week, but I can’t wait to go salve my wounds with a return back to my fall-winter Sodor home next weekend.

  1. Portland Timbers vs. Seattle Sounders – Major League Soccer playoffs

It’s the Quarterfinals!   In this and the next round, teams face off in two-legged, home-and-away ties.  The lesser seed hosts first.  That’s #5 Portland.

The Timers have had quite the roller coaster season.  Their springtime was simply divine, filled with rain showers and blooming lilies and never a stormy cloud or loss to be seen.  But the summer heat made them inconsistent as could be.

Noob-reviled Sounders come in red-hot, on a five-match win streak.   The defense carried them most of the year.  Of late, it’s been their offense shouldering the load.  If that continues, this is a bad matchup for Portland, which struggled on defense compared to most Playoff clubs.   (5:30 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT:   Portland   2-1

B.  NYCFC vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer playoffs

Atlanta were annihilated in their final regular season match by defending champs yet non-playoff bound Toronto.  That cost them the East’s #1 seed and the Supporters Shield.  But as the #B team, they still got a bye into the Quarters.

The New York Blues beat Philly in both of their last two matches.   That’s good work.  But Atlanta were the scoring champs of the entire league and played just as good of defense as New York City FC.   (7:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Atl   0-1

Image result for grouchy soccer

 

 

how Noob imagines the supporters for New York and Philly — grouchy

 

3.  Wellsworth vs. Ffarquhar – Isle of Sodor Premier

Since Noob’s in Asheville, NC, I’ll miss this fun matchup in the IoSPL’s inaugural season.

Wellsworth were going to be in the bottom of the three divisions.  But they made the Quarterfinals of the first-ever FA Cup this summer.  As reward, they get to play top flite.

Ffarquhar plays in one of the larger towns of the same name, also made the Quarters.  They were slated for PL status already.

These teams were about mirror images of one another statistically.  it’s hard not to lean on the visitors as favorites.  Suddric clubs all draw pretty much from their immediate locales for players.  Wellsworth is a small village — it’s just a numbers game.

Neither played much defense in the FA Cup, even compared to other teams.  That’s saying something.  Aggressive defense is quietly considered uncouth on Sodor.

RESULT:   Ffarquhar   1-5

  1. UNAM Pumas vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

With three matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season), Noob believes at least six teams have a realistic shot at the regular season title.

These two are in 4th and 3rd place, respectively.   Cruz Azul play the league’s tightest D, but their offense has scuffled this month.  Some of that may be the extra matches as they advance deeply in the Copa MX going on.

Pumas haven’t lost a match in a couple months.  I’m not sure they will catch CF America for #1. but I’d bet on them moving up a couple spots to #B.

RESULT:   Cruz   1-2          Cruz is the new #1

Image result for six is crazyZero to do with soccer, but PersonNoob (my daughter) loves M.L.P.’s “Mane Six”.

  1. Arsenal vs. Birmingham City – England Women’s Super League

Last season, Arsenal missed a top-two finish and invite to the Champions League by just one point in the table.  And they’re still feeling raw about it.  6-0-0, 31:3 GD.  It was Chelsea pulling the unbeaten number all last season, but there’s a new leader of this pack.

Nearly all the rest of the teams struggle to score a little, and #3 Birmingham is no exception.  They’ve only allowed three goals, but may well give up that many today.

RESULT:   Arsenal   3-1       Jordan Noobs with two goals, and the coolly-named Danielle van de Donk with the other for Arsenal

  1. Cork City vs. Dundalk – FAI Cup (Ireland)

It’s the Final!

Congrats to the league champs, Dundalk, upending two-time defending champs Cork City.  And now they wrestle over another trophy today.

Dundalk lead the Premier there in goal-scoring and defense.   It’s their offense that’s the greater strength.

Cork lost too many close matches to make it a close regular season title race.  But Dundalk have only managed draws their last two away matches.  Noob suspects they probably just rested starters with title in hand, but maybe they’ve spent themselves and the road has become hard.   And while this isn’t a home match for Cork, neither is it in Dundalk.  The big national stadium in Dublin hosts this one.

RESULT:   Dundalk   1-2      hail to the victors!

Image result for FAI Cup Trophy 2018

 

 

Soooo shiny

  1. Olimpia vs. Cerro Porteño – Paraguay Pro Division

Olimpia ran away with the Apertura regular season title and are doing the same here in the Clausura (second-half season).  They’ve already guaranteed themselves a berth into the next Champions League.

C.P. again find themselves #B.  Their D is sensational.  But if that’s the immovable object, Olimpia’s firepower is the irresistible force.  And they’re more irresistible – you saucy minxes – than C.P. is immovable.

RESULT:   2-2           Naughtiness ensued at 90′!   A red card for someone on each time and Olimpia hits a penalty at that mark

  1. Portmore United vs. Tivoli Gardens – Jamaica Premier

Jamaica and Trinidad and Tobago are the strongest leagues of those in the Caribbean subgroup in CONCACAF.

Portmore crushed it during 2017-18 regular season, then went on to win the tournament title.  Tivoli finished 3rd last year.  The new season is just seven matches in, but things look largely the same.  T.G. can play defense with the best of them, but can’t put it in the back of the net like Portmore.

RESULTL   Tivolo   0-1

Image result for Jamaican crush

 

 

Impress your fave Portmore fan and/or your own Jamaican crush with a lovely gift of Jamaican Crush.

  1. Le Geldar vs. Etoile Matoury – French Guiana Honor Division

Nation a FIFA member?  Nope.  Full CONCACAF member?  You betcha.  Two-horse race last year between these two, with Le Geldar winning the trophy by one point.

And that’s an even closer margin here than in most leagues.  In French Guiana, a win is worth four points, a tie worth two for each team, or one point just for showing up to lose.  so instead of two or three table-points being distributed like in most leagues, here it’s four or five.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Scholars United vs. Roma United – Cayman Islands Premier

We finish our Track with another matchup of 2017-18 #1 and #B teams!   This was another race decided by just a point.  But this league is different than most, or was last season.

These top two were both carried by their defense.   They didn’t Small Ball, but the next four teams in the table all played about as well or better on offense.  Just not the way these things happens in most places.

RESULT:   1-1

T.E. McField Sports Centre, George Town

 

 

So long from T.E. McField Sports Center, George Town, C.I.!

home of Scholars

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday (11/2) – USL playoffs, LigaMX, then we’re off to see the world

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

On Friday’s, schedules run a little lighter.  Noob takes the opportunity to hit up the best local games, and then it’s off to soccer hinterlands less-known!

Come, jet-set with Noob.  The bags of peanuts in-flight are HYOOJ.

  1. Louisville FC vs. New York Red Bulls II – United Soccer League playoffs

Time for the Eastern Conference Final!  Defending champions Louisville host the Red Bull reserve teams.  They finished the regular season #2 and #5, respectively.

Louisville’s been clicking on both sides of both for weeks so, to the tune of nine straight wins.  The defense has been quite good, the offense – phenomenal.

NRYB Jr. have won five straight.    They’ve been comparable on defense, if not quite as dominant on offense.

It’s an interesting twist.   Through most of the regular season, they were both scoring like gangbusters, but with NYRB doing so very much at the expense of defense.  Now Red Bulls have switched their habits around.

No matter which style NY2 play, LFC are the clear fave.  Winner gets either Orange County or Phoenix for the title.   (7:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:    L’ville  5-1       Devon Williams with two goals in two minutes

Image result for letter B tiger

 

 

 

Looks like we know which club Number B is rooting for.  Awwwww!

B.  Morelia vs. UANL Tigres – Liga MX

Three matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season).  And since each of the two half-seasons are only 17 matches long, it means things in the table are tight.  Top eight make the Liguilla (postseason tournament).

Morelia’s in 7th, but their numbers don’t make them look like a Playoff team.  The offense is borderline, but the defense is bottom quartile-caliber.  Still, they’re trending the right way.  After not winning a match for more than a month straight, they’re now winners of three in a row.  Those three were against bottom-half teams, but it’s still something.

Tigres are #8.  Two teams trail them by just a point.   They’ve not won in their last four, the defense having completely fallen apart (11 goals allowed).

9th-place Pachuca is going to pass at least one of these two.  So if one of these two loses today, Noob considers it an elimination match of sorts.   (9:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

  1. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lille – France Ligue 1

Hard to believe PSG is looking like they might get eliminated from the current Champions League at the group stage.   They’re not having any trouble in their domestic league.   11-0-0, eight points up on #B Lille in the table already.

Lille sport an above average offense and defense.    No reason to think they’ll have any trouble finishing in the top three and qualify for the 2019-20 Champions League.  They just won’t look like it today.   PSG 3-1 today.

RESULT:   PSG   2-1     Mbappe with a goal and an assist

  1. Al Ahly vs. Esperance – CAF Champions League

The Final!    Two matches, home and away, for the club title in Africa.

Al Ahly are the #1 team in all Africa.  It doesn’t even seem to be particularly close.   Noob’s Elo ratings-source footballdatabase.com indicated it.  So does my newer one for Elo-ish numbers – soccerverse.com.  (The former has been down for long enough recently that I’m worried it’s gone for good.)

They’re well down the table in their domestic league so far this year, but that’s mostly by virtue of having played far fewer matches than most teams there.  The international play leads to a lot of postponements for them.   Extrapolate their basic stats out and they’re easily performing like a top-four club.

They host what may well be the #2 club on the continent.  This looks like an awful matchup for the Tunisians.  They’re struggling on defense in their league, and Ahly is just relentless on offense.   Ahly by two on their own pitch today.

RESULT:   Ahly   3-1           Walid Soliman scored twice on penalties in a match that also featured a third penalty score

Image result for math is dumb

 

Mathing.

 

I know, right?

  1. El Entag El Harby vs. Smouha – Egyptian Premier

You know, as long as we’re here!

Top two finishers qualify for the next Champions League.  Right now, these two are #B and #3, respectively.  ENEH have played a game or two more than the teams around them in the table.  They’re not going to stay this high in all likelihood.   They don’t score enough, plain and simple.

Smouha, however, look to have the firepower to at least flirt with a top-two finish.  They will be hard-pressed to catch #1 El Zamalek (best O and D in the country) or hold of Al Ahly.  But so far, Smouha looks very balanced and sound.

RESULT:   2-2        Smouha blows an 0-2 halftime lead

  1. URA vs. Nyamityobora – Uganda Premier

Uganda’s top flite Is a league on the move.  They just cracked the CAF rankings for the first time recently, appearing at #18.   They’d have to move up a few more notches to qualify two teams to Champions League, but it’s a start.

It’s too early to perhaps say much, fewer than a half dozen matches into the season.  but #5 URA appear to be a Small Ball team – pack it in on defense, don’t try to even score much themselves.

Noob believes The Nyamity-ville Horror-obora just got Promoted to top tier this year.  Judging by their utter lack of defense, they’ll be headed right back down.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for that was horrible gifWhat, the play on words there?

Quiet, Adam Scott!   Don’t you have a “Krampus” sequel to go shoot?

  1. 1 de Agosto vs. Hulia – Angola Girabola

Congrats to Angola’s domestic top league!   Big jump coming in the 2019-20 rankings – #17 all the way to #9.

1dA didn’t need the league to have an extra berth into Champions League last season like it will get soon.  They only lost one match all last season.   How?  By only giving up eight goals in 28 matches.   Stifling.

Hulia finished 6th, as perfectly average as they could be, statistically.

RESULT:         is now slated for Sun., 11/4

That African stint can be so draining.  Let’s take a break for the third-ever installment of —

Noob’s Sandwich Reviewoobs!

@MLS on Twitter asked the important, obvious question.  Essentially, is a hot dog, in fact, a sandwich?

Among most noble apes, a sandwich is defined as any meat or other filling between two SLICES of bread.  Buns are NOT slices, or Noob’s name is John Montagu.

To be fair, one can find definitions and contexts where any pieces of bread – sliced or otherwise – are called “sandwich”.  I’m not here to argue against that.

Because it’s already been establish in Amuricuhn court of LAW.

In 2006, A Worcester, MS judge ruled against Panera in a heated case regarding a non-compete clause in a mall food court.  The judge allowed the mall could rent to Qdoba, that tacos and burritos were NOT sandwiches.  His or Her Honor formally told Panera, “Sit on it, Potsy” in the ruling and summary.

What’s fun is that most of that is true.

So — is a hot dog a sandwich?  No.  Heretical.  Illegal!

@MLS, thanks for the picture of the cute kid.  But Noob rates your sandwich question  at a mere two and a half out of five sandwiches on the Noob Sandwich Reviewoob sandwich rating scale.

  1. Ballymena United vs. Glenavon – Northern Ireland Football League Premiership

Next, we jet-set to Europe.  This is one of Europe’s very weakest domestic leagues.  In fact, it’s only semi-professional.  But hey — they’re playing!

They get just the one berth into Champions League.  Glenavon are #1 now, but they only lead Linfield by a point.  They lead the league in scoring, and trail just Linfield in defensive prowess (albeit by a lot).

#3 Ballymena are nicely balanced, but are ten points behind their league-leading hosts.  At least they’re in a position to perhaps get one of the league’s two automatic invites to Europa League.

RESULT:   Bally   2-1

Image result for flying first class funny

 

 

Mr. Bean always flies first class for NIFL Premiership.

  1. Kukesi vs. Flamutari – Albania Superliga

Our second and final stop on our European league takes us to the #34 league in UEFA.  Below average, but a damn sight higher than Northern Ireland.  Wheeeeeeee!

These are the #3 and #5 clubs there currently.  Kukesi are only four points in back of league leaders Skenderbau Korce, but that team’s been the power there for forever.  Even recently getting a 10-year ban from FIFA over match-fixing hasn’t seemingly slowed that bunch much.

If recent history holds, Kukesi won’t catch the Banned Ones or #B Tirana.  Flamutari are far less likely.   When the defense gets down to league average, those clubs won’t be able to stop the perennial title contenders.

RESULT:   Flamutari   1-2

  1. Melbourne City vs. Sydney FC – Australia A-League

The league season is just getting (Down) underway in OZ.  Yet already a big trophy has been awarded.   League defending champs Sydney FC just lost in the FFA Cup final to Adelaide.

Melbourne City finished #3 last year, a nice push for a team that’s historically only average there.  They were either lucky or tough or both, too, as they didn’t score a lot compared to their peers.

RESULT:   Sydney   0-3     Paulo Retre with a goal an an assist

Image result for Melbourne australia funny

 

 

So long from Melbourne!  

Apparently so violent, their club may soon get a Copa Libertadores invitation.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (10/30-11/1) soccer matches — MLS playoffs begin!

The ten most important matches to follow, for us — the newish American fans of the global game.   For the Midweek, Noob teases out ten over the three days instead of a full slate on each.

More first round MLS Playoffs action!   *action flex pose*

But Noob isn’t all America all the time.  We’ll also get to know some more about our CONCACAF neighbors as we finish up the Midweek Track.  Tomorrow — Globetrotting Friday!

Thursday

  1. D.C. United vs. Columbus Crew – Major League Soccer playoffs

Battle of the Saved!   To keep things to Ten on the Track, just previewing this one.  The other match today is #3 LAFC versus #6 Real Salt Lake.  It’s important, absolutely.  But Noob likes to spread the love around, so just doing this one.

If you’ve followed this site or American soccer in general, you know the story arc of these two clubs’ seasons:

D.C. – stunk out loud, signed an all-time great from Europe, Saved their season.

Columbus – high-end average all year, looked like ownership would move them to Austin, Cleveland Browns swooped in recently and Saved the Crew.

Columbus looked so entrenched in #4 spot in the Eastern Conference for so long, Noob called their position a done deal weeks ago.   Then they started mostly losing and drawing matches.  Nearly all their matches.  So with their offense AWOL, they slipped into a tie with D.C.

D.C. has the same number of wins as Columbus, but wins out for the opportunity to hose this match as the #4 by virtue of the second tiebreaker – goal differential.  They haven’t lost a match since late August.  And as much as all-world Wayne Rooney was the big reason early on in their turnaround, there’s no denying it’s the defense that’s carrying them now.  They’ve conceded just two goals in their last six outings.

If Columbus are to have a shot tonight, they’ll likely need another incredible performance from striker Gyasi Zardes.  He netted all three of the Crew’s goals in their regular-season 3-2 finale over Minnesota.

Kind of funny – If Columbus had lost, they’d instead be travelling to struggling #3 NYCFC.   they’d probably have preferred that matchup over one with red-hot D.C.   (8:00 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT:   Columbus   2-2  /  2-3  PK        What a match!  Federeico Higuain with both goals for the winners.  D.C. equalized at 116′ to send it to penalties.

 

Some Ohio edumuhcation for you.

(Buhhht where’s Columbus?)

  1. Motagua vs. Herediano – CONCACAF League

It’s the second leg of the Final!   Here are some of the event details from the post a week ago.  What is this tournament?

That can be better answered to start by telling you who is (and isn’t) in it.   This is 13 really good Central American teams and three top clubs from the Caribbean region.

Who this is not are the league champions from the five best Central American leagues.  Those qualified directly for the CONCACAF Champions League.  The winner of this event gets the 16th and final spot in the Champions League

Herediano qualified for this tournament by having the best aggregate record between the Costa Rican Apertura and Clausura (first and second half-tournaments) last season.  Motagua were the runners-up in both those stages In Honduras.

Herediano are the better team in paper, but wow are they struggling in their current league season.  They’ve lost four straight, only scoring in one of the matches and dropping to midtable.

Herediano have been the favorite, despite struggling in their current league season.  They’d lost four straight matches before winning the first leg here, beating Montagua 2-0.

This had looked like a real opportunity for underdogs Motagua.  They’d not lost in six matches.   In league, their D has been A+.  But two goals is a lot to make up against Herediano today, even at home.

RESULT:   Motagua   2-0        But that means Herediano wins the tie 3-2.  Hail to the victors!   And congrats on your Champions League berth.

  1. Santa Tecla vs. Alianza – El Salvador Premier

Just six matches left in the Apertura (first half-season of the year) and Alianza are still undefeated!  But nearly half their matches have ended in draws, so they’re only two points up on #B Santa Tecla.

Noob isn’t overly impressed with Santa Tecla.  The top eight of twelve league teams make the playoffs, so sure, they’re clearly getting into that.   But title contenders?

They’re tough, gritty, but ultimately their offense is only have as good as Alianza’s.  And Aguila’s.  That club just going to be #B.  S.T. may be able to get a draw at home today, but no better.

RESULT:   Santa Tecla   2-1         Well color Noob surprised!

Image result for el infiernillo el salvadorSo long from El Infiernillo, Santa Tecla, El Salvador!

(Local club supporters now want to throw Noob into wherever that steam comes from.)

 

Wednesday   

B.  FC Dallas vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer Playoffs

Nitty Gritty:   Top six in each of the two Conferences qualified for the postseason.  The top two seeds in each get byes to the Second Round.  The format is single elimination matches hosted by the club with the better seed.

Noob initially typo’ed with “Playoofs”.  Dallas made a very loud oof-ing sound as they got figuratively kicked in the gut in their last regular season match.  They came into the match at lowly-Colorado Rapids #B in the table, with a shot at the #1 seed.

Now, #1 Kansas City didn’t lose like Dallas needed for #1 to happen for them.  But a win still leaves them #B and with a Playoff bye.   Even a draw gets them the #3 seed.

Aaaaand they crapped the bed, allowing the Rapids two goals in the last ten minutes of the match.  Colorado wins 2-1.  “The Toros” slip to #4 on the heels of a three-match losing streak.  At least they still get to host this match.

The only good news for Dallas fans is that #5 Portland has been inconsistent most of the season.  The Timbers started 2018 hot, but were up and own the last 2/3 of the year. They lost their last match toi non-Playoff-bound Vancouver, but it’s hard to read too much into that.  Portland went into the game with nothing at stake.  They were going to be the #5 seed no matter the result of the last days’ matches around the league.

The biggest Dallas name to know on offense is Maximilian Urruti.  But if you really want to impress coworkers around the water cooler, tell them Swiss international defender Reto Ziegler needs to get some energy drink going.  The center of Dallas’ defense has been awful down the stretch, but he’s been the weakest link.

For Portland, they key to their success has been midfielder Diego Valeri.  He leads the team in goals and assists both.  Striker Jeremy Ebobisse has been controlling space up front well for them late.  If this tandem are both on – and Noob thinks they will be against their fading hosts – look for a Portland road upset today.

RESULT:   Portland   1-2       Valeri with both goals.  Urrturi was up front, if not dominant.   Reto Ziegler may actually have been the strongest defender for Dallas on the night.

Image result for double letter b funny

 

 

 

Tandem Number B’s are about to make a grievous error.

 

  1. NYCFC vs. Philadelphia Union – Major League Soccer Playoffs

It’s déjà vu all over again.  These two just played in their last match, NYCFC taking it at home 3-1.  That’s particularly disconcerting for the Union because they had something to play for.  They end up with the #6 seed, but could’ve and would’ve climbed two notches up the standings with a W.

NYCFC were going to be the #3 seed no matter how that or any match went Sunday.  Perhaps they were simply motivated to get off a two-match losing skid before the postseason began.

In fact, they’d only won one match in their last nine heading into that one.  (Draws staunched some of the bleeding, and they were never going to drop far since Columbus was also dropping matches left and right.)

So what’s going to happen today?  Goodness only knows.   Philly’s once-vaunted offense pulled a Houdini act the last five weeks.  But NYCFC ‘s did the same thing.

RESULT:   NYCFC   3-1      Maxi Morales with a goal and an assist

  1. Monterrey vs. Cruz Azul – Copa MX

The Final!   And so, one last reminder of what we have here.  The two Copa tournaments each football-year align timewise with their two league half-seasons.  They aren’t like most other nations’ FA Cups, which let in teams from many or all leagues in some way.  Here, only teams from the top two tiers ever compete.

This is a single-elimination Final match, being hosted in Monterrey.  These two are #6 and #3, respectively, in the Liga MX (top tier) standings.  This should be a defensive-affair.  Cruz Azul concede the league’s fewest goals.  And Monterrey has been surprisingly quiet on offense all year.

This isn’t one Noob would want to put pesos on – very even matchup on paper.  But if you are so inclined, Monterrey is at home and the more traditional recent power.

RESULT:   Cruz Azul   0-2        Aaaaand Noob now sees that Cruz are 10-8-2 in their last 20 against Monterrey.  oopsie

Image result for funny Mexican pesos

 

That doesn’t seem ri–

No, never mind.

  1. Fiorentina vs. Chelsea Ladies – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Like the men’s version, this is the top international women’s club tournament in Europe.  They’re now in the Round of 16.  Opponents face off in two-legged home-and-away series to determine who advances.

All the R16 series are heading into their second matches.  Chelsea won 1-0 at home to begin this one.  It looks, therefore, to be the most competitive series going this round.   There’s not often a lot of parity in the women’s game.  A lot of the series are already blowouts.

Fiorentina pulled a Maverick and Goose and slid into someone else’s qualification spot.  Cue up the Kenny Loggins soundtrack.  You’re welcome, “Top Gun” fangirls.

Last year, Brescia finished #B and qualified for this.  But they sold their Serie A rights to AC Milan, who were starting a new women’s team.  That meant #3 Fiorentina gets to play CL.   But they’re not even doing that well early in their new league season.

No one beat Chelsea last year in England, but they’ve not started the new season all that well, either.  I am loath to call a winner here.  Noob’s still on a steep part of the learning curve for the women’s game.  Part of why I’m doing this nutty site!

RESULT:   Chelsea    0-6      Oh dear, that escalated quickly.

  1. Guastatoya vs. Xelaju – Guatemala National League

If one guesses there is a co-relation between how a country’s National Team stacks up against others in their confederation and how their domestic league compares, then Guatemala’s is nearly the weakest of the Central American ones.  But hey – they’re playing!  And when have you ever known Noob to not be mesmerized by the shine of a #1 versus #B matchup?

Guastatoya are responsible for most of the sparkle.  With six matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season), they lead Xelaju by seven points in the table.  Best O in the league by a little, and best defense by a wide margin.  They don’t even concede a goal every other match on average.

Xelaju are tied on points with Malacateco, lead them by one little tiebreaking goal on differential.  Top six will make the Playoffs, and top two will get byes there.  So every match is still vital for Xelaju.  Noob think’s they’ll get that #B spot when all is said and done, but at least a draw and a point today might be a necessary starting point.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for angry guatemalansCrap!  Ticked off the Guatemalans.

Is that a plastic green vuvuzela?  If so, Noob surrenders right -now-.

  1. Al-Ain vs. Sharjah Cultural Club – Arabian Gulf League

This – also often seen as “The UAE Pro-League” – is the top flite in United Arab Emirates, ranks as the 4th-best league in all Asia.  In fact, here’s how things shake out in the AFC top ten, just for fun:

China and Qatar are the two clear best club football nations.  South Korea and U.A.E. are the clear next best two.   Iran, Japan and Saudi Arabia are #5-#7.  After that, there’s a massive chasm before you get to Thailand and Australia.  Uzbekistan currently rank 10th, but Iraq and Tajikistan are very close.

#1 Sharjah are one of two undefeated clubs remaining early in this league’s season.  Al-Ain are not the other, but they’re #B just the same.    Al-Ain are the defending champs, whereas Sharjah were just average in 2017-18.

Al-Ain were tremendous on defense last year and remain so know.  But Sharjah so far have been every bit as dominant at goal-stopping.  Go, Sharjah!  it’s fun to see newer blood at the top and tight title races.

And Noobites, you’re welcome for not sticking in some stock 80’s pop music Culture Club reference.  My pattern is to put the zany images and videos on the evenly-numbered matches.  But if Sharjah stay atop the table, I make no future promises regarding restraint!  The future may hold “Church of the Poisoned Mind” references.

(“Karma Chameleon” is too easy, overdone.  Never travel in a straight line, Noobites.  Never ever.)

RESULT:   Sharjah   1-2

Tuesday

  1. Adelaide United vs. Sydney FC – FFA Cup (Australia)

The Final!

Australia’s calendar set up is unusual this way.  Most countries play their FA Cup tournaments concurrently with the league season.  Down Under, they’re only two matches into the league season, yet here they are, handing out a trophy already.

This is the first time the federation there has ever used a random draw to determine who will host.  Previously, they FFA made deliberate selections.  Probably it always went in favor of the larger of the two teams’ venues.

But Adelaide won the coin toss, or got a favorable reading of entrails or whatever upside down hoodoo they might do there.  And the Reds need the advantage.   They were a perfectly average team last year, look not much different early on now.  Sydney destroyed the league, best in the biz on both sides of the ball.

Adelaide are a bit better on defense than goal-scoring, will likely look to take the air out of the ball.  Noob’s guessing they’d be thrilled with it being 0-0 and see things decides by penalty shootout.

RESULT:   Adelaide   2-1         Congrats to the victors!    And perhaps should not be so surprised.  Despite Sydney FC being the usually dominant power in Oz, Adelaide are actually now 15-7-9 in the series’ recent  history.

Image result for upside down soccerNo, Ronaldo.

This is now how to prepare for soccer in Australia.   

You’re not leaving Juve so soon anyway.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – MLS, oodles of CONCACAF lead your Wednesday

Midweek time – that means ten matches over three days instead of ten each.

What can Noob say?   There are just so many hours in the day, and we’re expanding, adding great new features soon!

We’ve already added “Noob Sandwich Reviewoobs”.   Scroll back a couple of Tracks to see the first installment.

Also, Noob is slated to appear on the Bros Talking Soccer podcast Sunday.  We’ll keep you posted on when it’s available on the various platforms.   And no, despite being Twitter-familiar with one another, Noob’s is not sure the Bros know what they’re getting into.  It may go very “normally”.  It may be very “Noob”.   God help us either way.

Finally, Isle of Sodor Premier League coverage will begin this weekend!

Noob hasn’t negotiated exclusive rights or anything.  But no one else is covering it, so we WILL.     Noob covered their inaugural FA Cup which ended a couple months ago.  Thought someone more mainstream would grab the baton and cover IoSPL.  Nope.

So Noob’s packing his bags, ready to split some time between here and some of my fave B&B’s and such on Sodor.  It’s going to be….well, it’s going to be content.  Yay!

(Tuesday and Wednesday matches and results follow further down.)

Thursday

No real preview work today.   Real Salt Lake plays for Playoff seeding against eliminated-New England.   Remember, Noobites:  Real Salt Lake means “royal” and we carry no truck with monarchy on our soil.  None!

Wednesday

  1. D.C. United vs. Toronto FC – Major League Soccer

Not only did D.C. do it – climbing back from the Eastern Division basement, but they’ve climbed into a playoff spot (6th place) with three matches to go.  His massive price tag aside, anyone who thought it wouldn’t be worthwhile to get former all-time European great Wayne Rooney was mistaken.

This all said, there are those three matches to go.  They could climb one more spot up the table, but they could get passed by Montreal (just one point back).

How does their schedule compare with Montreal’s?  Defending champs Toronto FC and their last regular season opponents Chicago fire are bad and worse.  Sandwiched in between they’ll host much tougher (#3) NYCFC.  Montreal play Toronto and newly-eliminated from contention New England.  So Noob thinks the difference may come down to can D.C. get at least a home draw against NYCFC.

I’ve only started learning all but the biggest stars’ names here the second half of the season.  If you’re a tenured Noobite, you’ll know Rooney’s right-hand man is Luciano Acosta.   But look for impact from Russell Canouse, a young midfielder who got the only goal their last outing – a massive win over the West’s #1 FC Dallas.  He was rewarded with a slot on the MLS Team of the Week.  Which I hadn’t known was a thing.  Learningess!   (7:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   1-0   D.C. Utd.          Who else by Mr. Worth-Every-Pound Wayne Rooney

Image result for russell canouse

 

 

A ball, for Noob?  Thanks, Russ!

(Now where are Rooney and Lucky Acosta… get some serious signatures up in here.)

 

Canadia vs. U.S.A. – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Actually, but virtue of making this Final, these two have now already qualified for next tear’s WC.  Congrats, gals!   Not that they or anyone are surprised.  They’re ranked #5 and #1 the world.  Only Canadia even allowed a single goal to be scored against them.

Tobin Heath, Megan Rapinoe, Drunk-Disney Alex Morgan — we know the USWNT team some.  So here’s a shoutout to Canadia’s Christine Sinclair.   She’s a veteran, still a superstar, and trails retired U.S. player Abby Wambach by seven for all-time most international goals scored.  That’s men’s or women’s side.

She won’t get seven today.  Canadia may not score here in Frisco (greater Dallas) today.  But her presence gives them a real chance.  Noob still favors the Americans by two, but we could finally see both teams get their first competitive match in a while.   (8:00 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   U.S.A.   0-2         Hail to the victors!

  1. Panama vs. Jamaica – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

This match still matters in terms of WC entry.  The winner gets in, the loser gets absolutely none fruit cup.  None at all!  Friscoans (Friscites?) will deny them at all opportunities before the loser goes home.

They’re tanked #62 and #64.  Whichever wins, it’s that team’s first ever time making World Cup.  High drama!   (5:00 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   Jamaica   2-2  /  2-4  PK

Image result for soccer drama

 

 

Real board game.   

Noob just up started the ol’ Christmas list.

  1. Canadia vs. Dominica – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Double-dip Noob Canadiaian!

All the men’s teams in CONCACAF playing actually “qualify” for Nations League next year.   But the top ten finishers will make the next Gold Cup.  Those are our region’s championships.  There, they’ll join the six teams that made the final six for World Cup qualifying last year.

Canadia should be there.  They’re ranked #7 in all CONCACAF (if only 79th in the world), trailing only #6 Jamaica in terms of teams that have to play this event to make said Gold Cup.

Dominica are in the bottom half of CONCACAF, ranked #177 by FIFA.  In their first match, they got a draw against higher-ranked Suriname.

Noob is so torn!   Two workplaces ago, I worked with a guy both from Canadia and from Dominca.  Both were cool d00dz.  Funny, I’ve forgotten Canadiaian Ty’O’s first name.   Not sure I ever knew Dominican Julie’s last name.  But he was a laugh riot, even without my being able to understand half of what he said in his thick accent.

I remember one time having to help Julie decipher a speeding ticket, one he got for going so far over the speed limit that a court appearance was mandatory.   Ah, memories.

Wait, soccer, what?

  1. Cruzeiro vs. Corinthians – Brazil Cup

It’s the Final of the Copa do Brasil!   Second leg.  Cruziero took the first leg 1-0.

This is especially important compared to so many FA Cups the world over.  For example, in Europe, the winner is typically qualified for the second-tier Europa League.  Not Champions League.  Here, however, the winner gets into Copa Libertadores, S. America’s version of Champions League.

It’s extra super important this year because Brazil’s top league sends only six teams from there into the CL.  And these two traditional powers are somehow down in 10th and 11th place currently.  And the season there is in its home stretch.   This could be both these clubs’ only reasonable shot at CL.   (8:45 PM, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:   Cruzeiro   1-2      Whoopsie!    Listed Cruzeiro as home team.  They were the visitors for today’s second leg.  Congrats, hombres!

Image result for copa do brasil 2018

 

 

Noob’s diggin’on the trophy, too.

  1. CD Aguila vs. Santa Tecla – El Salvador Primera

Aguila are tied for #B with undefeated Alianza.  Santa Tecla lead them both by two points in the table, but have played one more match than Alianza (the best team in the league in reality).

The soccer year here is divided into Apertura and Clausura (first and second-half seasons). Of the two winners, the one with the better aggregate record will qualify for the 2020 CONCACAF Champions League.  The other champion and the runner-up with the better aggregate record will get into the CONCACAF League, a tournament through which teams can qualify for the Champions League.

The three teams listed are way ahead of everyone else here in the Apertura.

RESULT:   Aguila   1-0     Aguila and Alianza are now in a tie for 1st

  1. La Equidad vs. Tolima – Colombia Primera A

In Colombia, the two stages of the season are Apertura and Finalizacion.  The winner of the postseason knockout tournament following each makes the Copa Libertadores.  So it’s not nearly as strong a league as Brazil.  But hey – they’re playing!

Tolima finished 3rd in the Apertura regular season before winning the postseason.  They’re part of a three-way tie for #B.

Leaders La Equidad have been a surprise this Stage, as they were below average during the Apertura.  They still don’t score like the biggest boys.  Noob thinks they’re primed to get upset at home.

RESULT:   Tolima   0-1       There is now a four-way tie for 1st

Image result for insurance team funny

 

A club nicknamed “The Insurance Team” just isn’t destined to stay at the top.

 

 

Tuesday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Peru – international men’s friendly

USMNT lost last week to Colombia 4-2.  It was a match in which they came from behind, but lost in the end.  It’s a very, very young roster, and in particular the backline was raw as could be.  Today, Coach Sarachan is switching back to a veteran, former Premier League goalkeeper – Sporting Kansas City’s Brad Guzan.  Critics argue the team should push nothing but youth.

The inclusion of veteran Michael Bradley is drawing ire from this crowd.   That’s not a defensible stance.  But Noob thinks that there are enough friendlies to go around.  If you want the players to learn, experience against great opponents, is, well, great.  But mixing in some seasoned folks to teach them from their own side, in their own locker room has to be valuable, too.

Today’s match is being held at UCONN’s soccer field, an oft-used venue for USMNT.  The two teams here are ranked #22 and #21 by FIFA.  Peru just finished pounding Chile 3-0 at the Hard Rock venue in Miami.  That team is ranked #12.    (7:30 PM EST, ESPN2)

RESULT:   1-1        U.S. looked decent when pressing forward.  When they could maintain possession at all.

Image result for too much america

 

 

Noob doesn’t get it.

Get to the footyball matches any way you can, Amuricuh.

B.  Mexico vs. Chile – international men’s friendly

And Mexico’s is ranked 15th, so it’s another quality matchup!  On paper.   That 0-3 loss was telling, and what it turns out it tells us is that Chile did not bring its top stars.    It’s being held at Liga MX club FC Queretaro’s home stadium in

But that’s okay, we’re here to support our CONCACAF neighbors.  Raul Jimenez scored the winning penalty kick-goal for Mexico in their last outing over Costa Rica.   This match will feature a lot of youth on both sides of the ball, so we’re not expecting a ton of goals, but perhaps another dramatic finish just the same.   (9:45 PM, Unimas)

RESULT:   0-1   Chile          The visitors score at 90′ in what was a pretty even match

Image result for mexican neighbors funny

 

Noob’s not going political on this site.  Just not in my ken.

But it seems a border wall might be susceptible to a Ned Flanders attack.

  1. France vs. Germany – UEFA Nations League

Groups of three, top finisher only from each advance to the Playoffs.   This is a League A matchup, meaning these two are from one of the Groups that are ranked by UEFA in top dozen.

They’ve both played two of their four matches.  Germany have yet to score, though they still earned a draw in one of those games.  France lead the Netherlands by a point in the table.

These two teams are ranked as tied for #1 and #12, respectively, in the world by FIFA.   Noob’s becoming less convinced those numbers matter in this tournament.

This is a new event, one designed to add some meaning to parts of the calendar that were previously filled with simply international friendlies.  It’s a pathway to getting into the 2020 European Championships, but that may not be motivating teams of this caliber.  They’re almost certainly going to be there no matter how they do here.   (2:45 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   France   2-1      Antoine Griezmann with both goals for the home side in the come-from-behind win

’10 to Track’ soccer matches – MLS and USL playoff hunts lead the way

it’s International Break for much of the league world.  That means we get MORE America and extra CONCACAF-feination in today’s Track!

Today’s Track may not be up much in advance, but I’m now Nine-Fingered Noob.  Went all Gollum on my own left ring finger at work last night.  OK, not really, did just slice off the tiniest bit.  Typing’s been hard.  Almost left all the inadvertent caps-lock stuff in just for fun.

  1. D.C. United vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

With three regular season matches to go, #1 Dallas lead KC and LAFC by four points in the Western Conference.   Kansas City is and has been the better team on paper all season.   But they’re getting draws late, whole Dallas hasn’t lost in about six weeks.   In fact, only one team has even managed to get a goal on them in the last four matches.

Wayne Rooney & Co. are now only two points out of 6th place and the East’s final playoff berth.  They, too, haven’t lost in six weeks.  They’re success has been realized on the offensive end.  But it troubles Noob that they haven’t kept a single clean sheet in that entire stretch.

Defense travels, so I’m saying Dallas gets the road win in what is likely considered an even matchup in the District.  As badly as MLS likely wants DCU in the playoffs, today is when they’re comeback dreams die.   (4:55 PM EST, Univision)

RESULT:   D.C.   1-0

B.  Netherlands vs. Germany – UEFA Nations League

This is a League A match.  There are four separate Groups of three in League A.  In each one, the teams play four matches, double-round-robins.

France leads this one with four points after two matches.  This is the second match for these two today.  If they draw, France ends up in the driver’s seat.  Only the winner of each Group makes the Playoffs.

Since League A is pretty much the dozen best clubs on the continent, they’re all likely making the 2020 European Championships anyway.  But this event is another avenue towards qualifying for that.  In the world, they’re ranked #17 and 12.   In the Netherlands, this should be a toss-up.   (2:45 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Netherlands   3-0      

Image result for font invented in 2018

 

A new tournament deserves a new-look Number B!

(Braille typeface front)

  1. Ireland vs. Denmark – UEFA Nations League

These two are part of League B.  Mirror image of A, just the next dozen down the rankings in Europe.

Denmark are actually 10th ranked in the world today.  UEFA rankings were used from a specific date, so the Danes must’ve been more down on their luck.  If the win this Group, they get promoted for League A when this event happens again, presumably, in two years.  And they’ll win it.

Ireland are FIFA-ranked just 30th.  They lost badly to Wales in their first match in this tournament.  Eire should be considered at least a full-goal underdog today.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Reno 1868 vs. Orange County – United Soccer League

Usually Noob gives the American second division it’s due other times of week.  But so much of the world is on International Break, we have room.  With the Playoffs nearly here, perfect timing!   Teams have just this last regular season match to go.

Top eight finishers in each Conference make the Playoffs.  OC all but has the #1 seed wrapped up, home field advantage galore.  They’d have to lose today and Phoenix would have to win their last game by five goals for another tiebreaker to even come into play between them.

Reno have more on the line.  They’re #5 in the West.  They’re only a point behind Real Salt Lake, so they could still end up with the four-seed and a home game to start the postseason.  In fact, it wouldn’t necessarily even require a win.  A tie and an RSL loss-combo would do the trick.

RESULT:   Reno   3-1

Image result for reno 1868 supportersSo Noob’s jumping on the Reno bandwagon today!

Anything to go against stupidly-named Real Salt Lake.

  1. Ottawa Fury vs. Charleston Battery – United Soccer League

Charleston can’t lose or move up from the four-seed in the East.  Noob suspect they’ll rest starters given that.

Ottawa has been gritty and gutty all year – not truly good though.  They’re in 9th place, two points and a ton of tiebreaking GD behind Bethlehem for the last Playoff berth.  They should be able to net a win against the Battery reserves.  Unfortunately for them, Bethlehem hosts the hapless Tampa Bay Rowdies.  And the Steel will be motivated.  They could jump as many as three spots in the standings with a win.

RESULT:   Charleston   0-2

  1. Puerto Rico vs. Martinique – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

You can catch a few particulars in yesterday’s and previous posts.

This match is the first of four for these two teams.  Martinique aren’t members of FIFA, being part of the French football system.  But they’re in our region’s federation and they’re pretty good, considered 12th-best among national team here.

PR are just #175 in the world, well in the bottom half of CONCACAF.

RESULT:   Martinique   0-1

Image result for Puerto Rico national football team 2018

 

 

And since Puerto Ricans are Americans, Noob gives them the “gofightwin” cheer.

  1. Vorkuta vs. SC Scarborough – Canadiaian Soccer League

Welcome to the Track, CSL!   Don’t be fooled by the name though.  This league is really mostly or entirely Ontario-based teams.  Starting next year – unless it is pushed back again – the Canadian Premier League begins.   These teams won’t be a part of it, not unless they’re changing names and Noob’s missed it.

In any case, this is the playoff final for the current top league in Canadia!  It’s at a neutral stadium in Ontario, though since all the teams are from greater Ontario  *shrug*  They finished #B and #4 in the regular season, respectively.  The league was kind of top heavy.  Scarborough will do well to keep this within a goal.

RESULT:   Vorkuta   1-0

  1. Vorkuta II vs. Halton United II – Canadiaian Soccer League Division II

And here’s the undercard!   Also the playoff championship.  Same stadium, just two hours before the D1 championship.   These were the top two in the division regular season.  This match should be a little more competitive, but once again is Vorkuta who are moderately heavy favorites.

RESULT:   V II   3-2           chamPEENS!

Image result for so much canada

 

 

 

Just how much Canadia can you handle at once?

  1. DR Congo vs. Zimbabwe – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

Once again, Noobites can look at yesterday’s or past posts for some specifics on this event.

These two are both tied for the lead in their four-team Group (top two finishers make the Knockout Stage.  Congo (not DR) are tied with them, but have played one more match than these two so far.   They are ranked #40 one of Africa’s best – and #117 by FIFA.  So naturally, DRC are expected to lay waste to their guests.

RESULT:   Zimbabwe   1-2        Upset city!

  1. Central Cordoba de Santiago vs. Gimnasia LP – Copa Argentina

FA Cups are all about looking for Minnows – non-premier league underdogs.  And here in the quarterfinals we get one to root for.  Cordoba were relegated to the second division last year.  In fact, they’re below average even there early this league season.

Gimnasia are just a midtable team.  But they’re top -flite, should be considered a 1-2 goal fave on the road in this one-off match.  The winner will face River Plate in the Semis – an historically excellent team, but one that’s been more midtable themselves of late.   (2:00 PM, TyC Sports International)

RESULT:   Gimnasia   1-1  /  3-4  PK

Image result for santiago del estero funny

 

 

So long from Santiago del Estero!

Noob’s terrified to translate the parts he doesn’t know.  Blessedly rusty Spanish for meeeee.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday (10/12) soccer matches – from MLS to, well, everywhere

This was such a fun Track to write.  No one match jumps out above all others, but there’s a ton of fun and learning in today’s soccer travelog.

As always on Fridays, Noob starts us at or close to home, then we jet-set off to corners of the football globe ignored by most of the interwebs.  Feast.   Feast!!

  1. LAFC vs. Houston Dynamo – Major League Soccer

Los Angeles have pulled onto a tie for #B in the Western Conference with just three matches to go in the regular season.  Since the top two finishers get a bye out of the first round, that is high drama!   They’re actually still in 3rd, behind Sporting Kansas City on goal differential.

The Falcons suffered a puzzling loss two matches ago, getting blasted by the hapless Chicago Fire.  Even on the road, that’s not a club Playoff times should be getting blown out by.  But they did bounce back in their most recent match, skunking Colorado at their place, 0-3.

Houston have been eliminated from Playoff contention already.  They’ve played better ball of late, certainly highlighted by their U.S. Open Cup victory over Philly in the Final.  With that trophy in hand, it’s hard for Noob to imagine this the Dynamo matching LAFC’s energy, motivation.

For LAFC, the names to know have been Diego Rossi and Adama Diamonte.  The one Noob’s seen coming up more recently is Walker Zimmerman, a young defender from Georgia.  If he continues to be a consistent help in goal-scoring, this team will be hard to stop now and in the postseason.   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   LAFC 4-2         The winning goal?    Walker Zimmerman

Image result for Walker Zimmerman funny

 

 

Hey, Walker, could you talk to Heinken about sponsoring Noob?

B.  Croatia vs. England – UEFA Nations Cup

Noob’s given some details a while back on this new European tournament, but I did not revisit them when previewing matches from it during this last Midweek Edition Track.  Here’s a wee bit:

This is a new event is meant to largely replace a bunch of friendlies all the teams are already playing anyway.  UEFA plans on having this played every other year.  All the men’s national teams in Europe may participate. The top 12-ranked teams play in four Groups comprising League A.  The next dozen play in League B, and on down the line.

Noob will detail particulars another time, but teams from all the Leagues within this Cup can use this tournament as another qualifying route into the next (2020) European Championships, the premier tournament for national teams which is held every four years.

So!  Croatia and England are currently FIFA-ranked #4 and #6 in the world, respectively.  In this competition, they are in League A (top league), Group 4 (arbitrarily numbered).   Both have a lot of catching up to do with the other Group member – Spain.`

Spain beat England 1-2 on the road and walloped World Cup runners-up Croatia 6-0 at home.  Only 1st place in each of these Groups get to move on to the League Playoffs.  The other two shall receive NO fruit cup.  None whatsoever.   (2:45 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   0-0     The draw all but guarantees that Spain will win this League A Group

Image result for letter B fruit

 

 

 

Number B – taunting those who will not receive fruit cup.

  1. U.S. Virgin Islands vs. Curacao – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

The six teams that played the final 2018 World Cup qualifying event (Hexagonal) already qualify for League A in the upcoming CONCACAF Nations League.  This tournament is being used to determine which other six teams will join them in League A.  The other teams will be placed in Leagues B and C, based on how they do this in qualifying tournament.

Each of the 34 teams in this event will play four matches, so goal differential could end up meaning a lot.  They’ll each play a match against another team club from each of the quartiles, which are based on a CONCACAF Rankings Index.  In other words, each team will play a roughly even cross-section of opponents, for fairness.

U.S. Virgin Islands are at a bit of a disadvantage.  On top of being only ranked #201 in the world, they don’t get to play any true “home” matches.  This is presumably because of the damage from Hurricane Maria.  So this and their other are being played in Bradenton, Florida.  They’re in the bottom quartile, lost their first match to Canadia 8-0.

Curacao – a country a ways off the coast of Venezuela and affiliated with the Netherlands politically – has a much stronger team, ranked #81.  In this event, they’re in the second quartile.  But their 10-0 trouncing of Grenada has them in 3rd place for now.

RESULT:   Curacao   0-5

Fun Fact:   US VI are “The Dashing Eagle”

  1. Algeria vs. Benin – Africa Cup of Nations

Unlike the above two tournaments, this is the premier national teams tournament for Africa, held every to years.  it is currently in its Group Stage.  Pods of four, double round robin, top two finishers will advance to the Knockout Stage.

They’re two matches into the Group Stage.  To no one’s surprise, the Algerians are 2-0.  Perhaps to the mild surprise of some, Benin have a win and a draw.  FIFA ranks them reasonably close together (#69. #88).  But the CAF lists Algeria as the fourth best team while not even listing Benin in the rankings (top 18).

This above discrepancy makes this tough for Noob to handicap.  But Algeria is good enough in a vacuum that at home they should be easily favored by a goal.  Benin would celebrate a draw, keeping them well ahead of Togo, probably the Group’s most likely candidate to advance as runner-up.

RESULT:   Algeria   2-0

Image result for benin surprise

 

 

Has to be this guy’s, oh, third Track appearance. 

Noob wants him on staff.

  1. CSD Macara vs. Delfin – Ecuador Serie A

HooWHEE!   That was a lot of mumbo-jumbo to try and digest.   Let’s cleanse our palate with some league action.

Macara are #1 in this Second Stage of the season.  The winners of each of the two stages vie for the league title.  They finished just 8th in the First Stage, so are something of a surprise here.  The defense has looked much better.   Their GD, however, belies a club that could easily be slipping back to midtable soon.

Delfin are tied for #B with another traditional league power, First Stage champs Emelec.  Statistically, they’re a little better than Macara.  Since that’s where the match is, this should be a dandy to watch – if you have a deep enough satellite package to catch this on GOL TV (9:00 PM).

RESULT:   1-1

Fun Fact:   Macara play in the city of Ambato.  They are named for an army fort.

  1. Tajikistan vs. Palestine – Bangabandhu Cup

The Final!   But the Final of what?

This tournament is a standalone event in Bangladesh.   Their football federation hosts this event every so often as a tribute to their nation’s founder, for whom it is named.  It was last held in 2016, the year before, and then before that last in the mid-90’s.

In the past, most participating countries have sent their national men’s teams reserves squad or elite youth teams.  This year, however, five of the six nations sent their A-clubs, including our two finalists.

Tajikistan’s team is ranked #120 in the world, while Palestine’s is #100.  They both advanced out of the same Group in that Stage.  Palestine won their matchup there 2-0.  But Noob smells a penalty shootout to decide this one!

RESULT:   Palestine   0-0  /  3-4 PK        Hail to the victors!

Bangabandhu Gold Cup logo.png

 

 

 

The pure, unadulterated joy of having started your own nation.

  1. Basque Country vs Venezuela – men’s international friendly

Noob proffers as mission statement that these Track’s embody “the ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game”.  Fridays, even I must confess the matches I include may not match up with that perfectly.

But this site is the outgrowth of my own soccer learning journey.   I think this is important because I didn’t know about it.  Let’s be global-game citizens!

The story here is “Basque Country”.  This team represents the autonomous, adjacent Basque areas of both Spain and France.  That said, the players are all from top Spanish clubs right now.  This team has existed since 1930, though they’ve only played an average of maybe three matches every two years.  Early in their existence, had Elo ratings been a thing, this team would’ve ranked #4 in the world!

The biggest non-FIFA football organization in the world is CONIFA, which represents peoples and teams from autonomous regions, national and regional diasporas, and stateless peoples.  Yet Basque Country has never been a member.

But they’re trying to get into FIFA!  And there’s at least indirect precedence for a team like theirs to be represented.   The United Kingdom serves as an example of one nation with multiple countries having membership.  And then places like Faroe Islands display that an autonomous country that is still truly a part of another nation (Denmark) can have membership.

Basque Country’s situation is apples to oranges to both examples above.  Still, they have commonalities with both.

As for today’s match?  It’s a friendly.  No idea how often BQ practices together.  The result isn’t what’s important, at least to Noob.   It’s that it’s happening at all that I love.

RESULT:   Basque Country   4-2

  1. Faafu Nilandhoo vs. New Radiant – Maldives Dhivehi Premier

And now we continue our journey to comparative footyball hinterlands once again with some far-flung leagues!   Maldives is an islands-nation southwest of southern India.  Their league is ranked just below average in Asia, 24th of 46 associations.

New Radiant are in 3rd place, but look statistically like the league’s best team.  Best offense and defense both.  Faafu Nilandhoo are in 8th of 10 clubs, on spot above the Relegation line.   Noob’s simply stunned that there’s at least one more league in the Maldives to which anyone could be sent down.

RESULT:   New Radiant   0-1

Fafà Picault.jpg

 

Never mind that he’s an American born to Haitian immigrants.

Noob thinks Philadelphia’s Fafa Picault needs to someday play for Faafa Nilandhoo.

  1. RC Bobo-Dioulasso vs. Comoe – Burkina Faso Premiere Division

This west African country’s league isn’t ranked on the continent.  And these two teams are low-midtable at #10 and #11.  And the season is just a few matches in.  But hey, they’re playing!

RESULT:   0-0

Fun Fact:   The Bobo language-speaking natives of Bobo-Dioulasso refer to the city simply as “Sia”.  Soooo much easier to pronounce.

  1. Al-Jaish vs. Al-Taliya – Syria Premier

This league is so fresh into its new season, Noob looked more at last year’s standings.  Al-Jaish won the league – by one goal in differential as a tiebreaker over Al-Ittihad.  And as the #15 league in Asia, they only get one club into their Champions League.  Al-Taliya finished 6th.

RESULT:       now listed for Monday, 10/29

Image result for Damascus funny

 

 

So long from Damascus, home of Al-Jaish!

Yeah, Noob doesn’t recall any banana peel-slippage story from the New testament.

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday – the matches of Suckitude

Soccer scheds far and wide tend to run a little lighter right after the weekend.  Natch.

We here at Noob take advantage by taking you on a journey of Suckitude!  Embrace the darkness of a Monday.  Let’s get to know some teams on the edge of getting Relegated from their leagues.

Or will we see Monday Miracles?

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Houston Dynamo – Major League Soccer

Houston is about to put a wrap on their season.  They just won the U.S. Open Cup.  But they’re in 10th here in the West, need a win to stay even mathematically alive for a postseason berth (top six from each conference get in).

Noob’s hoping they can manage exactly that!   When the opponent is Seattle, Noob will root for almost any team.  Little would please Noob more than to see the Sounders just lose and lose until they drop from 5th to out of the playoffs.

Noobites, I can’t ask you to join me on this journey of scorn.  The first hardcore soccer fan I met long ago was a college T.A. of mine.  A bandwagon-jumping Seattle fan with no connection to the area.  I love to imagine his sad face when woe comes to his team.   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Seattle   4-1      Victor Romero Rodriguez with two second half goals.

B.  Cuba vs. Canadia – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Reminder:  Two Groups of four, top two finishers advance to the Knockout State.  Top three of those four make World Cup!

Cuba is not likely to be advancing.   They lost their first match 8-0.   Good LAWD.  88th in the world gets no respect.

The Canadiaians are one of the world powers, ranked #5.   Noob handicaps this match at Canada minus, oh, 15.   Unless a lot of Cuban national team fans are showing up to Edinburgh, Texas to turn it into a home-match feel.   (8:30 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   Canadia   0-12        not a typo.   really.

Image result for Canadian alphabet

 

 

Number B, a literary star the world over.

B is for bear, and bacon.  So much the bacon.

  1. Cork City vs. Bohemian FC – FAI Cup (Ireland)

The Irish FA Cup semifinal!   Winners gets runaway league champion Dundalk for the Cup.

Cork City won the 2017 league title and finished #B this year.   They’ll present a nice, clean changing facility and some lovely parting gifts to midtable Bohemian before whomping them by a goal or two.

RESULT:   Cork    2-1         On to the Final!

  1. Once Caldas vs. Leones – Colombia Primera A

Let’s move through the Sadness Soccer in order of likelihood of an upset, least to most.

Leones are last in the current league season and in the multi-year aggregate Relegation table.  They’re the only club that averages less than a point in the table earned per match.  They’re getting Booted to Primera B, if B will even have them.

Once Caldas are just a point out of 1st place currently.  Noob think’s favoring them by a goal and a half is generous.  To Leones.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for magnanimous funny

 

 

You’re darn right Noob is.

  1. Guayaquil City vs. Deportivo Cuenca – Ecuador Serie A

Seven goals in 12 matches.   Is Quayquil even trying?   Really, they need not.  Last in their stage and the season’s aggregate table.  To avoid Relegation, they have to leapfrog two teams.  The second one is 14 points ahead of them.  Quayaquil has only scored seven points this entire Stage.

Cuenca are below average themselves, so this might be one of GC’s few chances to get a full-fledged win, being at home today.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   1-1

Fun Fact:  The second time Europeans went to loot Quayaquil, they had to suddenly quit the expedition when a yellow fever epidemic broke out.

  1. Fluminense vs. Parana Clube – Brazil Serie A

Only one team in the league hasn’t scored twice as many goals as Parana, and that club misses that mark by just two scores.  The bottom four get kicked out of this league, and Parana are ten points behind second-to-last place.

They’re not just getting Relegated.  They’re going to get forced to all retire, take up Tiddlywinks.

Fluminense are utterly average, and that’s good enough to expect them to coast to a two-goal win today.   (7:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Fluminense   4-0

Image result for tiddlywinks world championship 2018

 

 

 

World Tiddlywinks Championships.  Real.

[insert joke HERE]

 

  1. Tigre vs. Estudiantes – Argentina Primera

Argentina uses a three-season table to determine which clubs offend them most.  Tigre are second-to-last in that.  But so far this early season, they’re actually playing just bad soccer, instead of their usual horrific variety.

Estudiantes are playing horrifically.  Surprising.  This is typically a midtable club.   Noob’s forced to consider this a toss-up at worst for Tigre!   (6:00 PM, TyC International)

RESULT:   Tigre   1-0

Fun Fact:  The team no longer plays in the actual town of Tigre, bur rather in Victoria, Buenos Aires.

  1. Nittaidai vs. NTV Beleza – Japan Nadeshiko 1

In Japan’s top women’s league – one of the world’s strongest – they automatically Relegate just one team.  But the next team up the table will have to play in a Relegation Playoff with a second-tier team for the right to play N1 next year.

Nittaidai are in that latter position.  The season is young, but it appears there will be a big gap between the bottom three teams and everyone else.  Noob makes no prediction on which wins this game of Melancholy Musical Chairs and survives.  They’re all equally crappy.

Oh, and Beleza win the league every year of late and should beat them by 2-3 in their own house.  Wheeee!

RESULT:   Beleza   0-4

Image result for nittaidai fc

“Yay – successful huddle!”

  1. Botosani vs. Dinamo Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

This is one of the European leagues that separates into Championship and Relegation subdivisions later in the season.  Just under a dozen matches in, it appears these two aren’t among the top candidates to actually get Relegated.  But they’re not far above them (11th and 12th of 14).

Both can actually score about as well as low-end midtable teams.  But they defend like wet papier-mache.

Not Exactly a “Fun” Fact:   The stand Dinamo’s ultras use is named after Catalan Hildan, a player who died at age 24.

RESULT:   Botosani   2-0         Maybe the tiniest of Miracles!

  1. Hapoel Tel Aviv vs. Ashdod – Israel Premier

We finish the Track with the least likely Relegation candidates that still qualify for today.   These two are two pretty average clubs that currently fall just below that Championship/Relegation line, same as Romania has.

HTA look to be trying to make every game 0-0.  It’s not an uncommon strategy for teams like them that were just Promoted, but that style of play rarely holds up over a whole season.

Ashdod don’t score much more.  Noob thinks they’re more likely to drop then climb into the top half and avoid danger.  This may be the Suckitudiest match of all, as Noob looks for it to be 0-0.

RESULT:   0-0       Ding!

Image result for hapoel tel aviv funny

 

 

 

Heavens!  Is that Hapoel’s junk just fallen clean off and sitting there IN the crest?

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sun. (10/7) – MLS playoff hunt, and an EPL doozy!

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

And today, introducing the efforts of a new staff member,  sort of.  🙂

  1. D.C. United vs. Chicago Fire – Major League Soccer

Saturday, #6 Montreal clubbed Columbus.  This leaves 7th-place D.C. United five points in back of that last Eastern Conference playoff berth.

But as late as the season is getting, this is in no way a done deal.  Montreal may have only two matches left now, but D.C. have five.  And speaking of five, that’s how many in a row DCU haven’t lost.   Chicago are down in 10th.   They haven’t won on the road since June.

But the Fire pulled a home upset last match out against the West’s #3, LAFC.  If they want to make it two surprises in a row, Serbian international Nemanja Nikolic needs to follow up on his super September.  He’s their scoring leader.  The star last in the last win was American Djordje Mihailovic.   (1:00 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT:   D.C.   2-1       Wayne Rooney strikes again.  And then again.

Image result for nemanja nikolic

 

 

 

In Amuricuh, Nemanja, we keep the pants on to play the footyball.

B.  Liverpool vs. Manchester City – English Premier League

6-1-0.  The last two undefeated clubs in England face off.  Raspberry scones for everyone!   It’s a watch party.

Defending champs Man City have to be licking their chops though.  Undefeated in the league Liverpool may be, but they’re just 0-1-2 across all competitions in their last three.  The offense has stagnated badly.

Man City have one four in a row.  They’re scoring like the pitch is a pinball machine.  That said, they haven’t faced a difficult league team mid-August.   (11:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for eating letter B

 

 

SoccerNoob’s six year-old daughter — PersonNoob! –thinks this bee is licking it’s chops and about to eat Number B.

  1. Toluca vs. Pachuca – Liga MX

Top eight will make the Liguilla (postseason).  Toluca are tied for 5th, while Pachuca lead a four-way tie for that eight-spot.

Toluca should be in better shape, but they just handed Atlas their first win of the season.   When each half-season tournament is just 17 matches long, can’t give up “easy” points.

Pachuca do look like the best of their clump of four, but Noob thinks their margin for error is extremely thin.  I don’t expect them to climb any higher than 8th.  Tigres lead them by three for 7th, are better on both sides of the ball.   (1:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-1

  1. Panama vs. U.S.A. – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Earlier this week, the American women pummeled Mexico 6-0 to open the Group Stage.  Noob’s primary source site still doesn’t list that match on the correct date.   But mea culpa.  No excuses, only reasons.  Part of my learning journey is where to get the raw info.

So!  The top two from each Group of four will advance to Knockout Stage, where three of the teams will earn their World Cup berth.  The Americans are the #1-ranked team in the world and will advance easily.

Panama is ranked just #66.  They did pull a minor upset in their opening match of this stage, taking down Trinidad and Tobago.  But the US are a whole different deal, even without being the hosts (the match will be in Cary, NC).  Noob favors them by 9.5 goals.   (5:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   U.S.A.   0-5          Wow, they held up better than Mexico

For your mid-Track listening pleasure – Panama!   But covered by Foo Fighters, so as not to be entirely cliche.  (FFW to 0:40 if you like)

  1. Mexico vs. Trinidad and Tobago – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

So if either of these teams loses the nightcap in Cary, that’s about all for them.  A draw would give both a little hope, presuming Panama doesn’t pull off an all-timer miracle in the above match.  They are ranked #24 and #52.

Given the lack of parity in the women’s game, that should mean Mexico is a two-goal fave.   (7:30 PM, FS2)

  1. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

No one has beaten or earned a draw against PSG.

Lyon are in 5th.  Noob thinks they’re at least the third-best team in the league, but it’s hard to see them proving that today.  Both teams allow just under a goal per match, so defense hypothetically gives the visitors a shot.  The problem?  PSG average’s 3.5 per of their own.

RESULT:   PSG   5-0        Mbappe with four goals

Image result for that's too many gif

 

 

Sorry, Edward Norton.  The number is what it is.

  1. Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Krasnodar – Russia Premier

Noob was surprised to see Krasnodar helping headline a #1-#B match.   But upon further review, I see they’ve finished 4th in the league three straight years.  That doesn’t put them in the league leader’s class, but not far out!   The #6-ranked league in Europe deserves and will keep getting more of our attention.

Could it be Krasnodar’s time?  They’ve won seven straight over all competitions.  Meanwhile, Zenit just lost to bottom-feeder Makhachkala before sneaking out a home win over a Czech team in the Europa League.

  1. Benfica vs. Porto – Portugal Primeira Liga

Portugal’s top domestic league is just a notch behind Russia’s, but it means they only get two into the CL.  These two perennial powerhouses are #B and tied for #3.

Despite being behind two teams, Benfica are undefeated.  #1 Braga and their guests today have each been just a touch better on offense to date.  But – stunningly to Noob – Porto haven’t lost to Benfica in seven consecutive matches.   (12:30 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   Benfica   1-0     the streak is ended!

Image result for FC porto funny

 

Noob does speak Portguese.

But I’m pretty sure “inscrever” is a foul, foul verb…

 

 

Noob?  That means “register”. 

Fine, The Management.  Spoil all my fun.

  1. Kashima Antlers vs. Kawasaki Frontale – Japan J1 League

The Management puts in long hours keeping Noob’s inanity in check.  Solid job today.  Bet ya’ sweated off five pounds.  Our Japanophile’s reward?   J1 match stays just above the honorable mention-line.

And this is an important match.  With just a half dozen matches to go, Kawasaki have pulled into a tie with suddenly-spiraling Hiroshima.  They’ve not lost in four straight matches.  But the two matches before that?  0-1-1 in the League Cup, with both matches against Kashima.

The Antlers just won the first leg of their AFC Champions League semifinal tie.  But even winning that whole shebang doesn’t get them entry into next year’s.  They’re #3 in the league and need to finish at least that high to get in.   They’ve won five consecutive domestic matches, peaking at exactly the right time.  They haven’t even allowed a league-goal in two weeks.

RESULT:   0-0

Honorable Mention:    Canadiaian Soccer League (non-FIFA, Ontario-nased)- two playoff Semifinals;  #2 Vega Real vs. #3 Atletico de SF – Dominican Republic Liga Mayor ligulla;  #1 Racing Club vs. #6 Boca Juniors – Argentina Primera;

#3 Stumbras Kaunas vs. #1 Suduva – Lithuania A Lyga;  #4 Muang Thong United vs. #2 Bangkok United – Thai League 1;  #3 Ulsan Hyundai vs. #1 Jeonbuk – South Korea K-League 1;  #1 Al-Sadd vs. #3 Al-Sailiya – Qatar Stars League

  1. Verdes vs. Bandits – Belize Premier

No mere honorable mention for Belize – we finish the track with more CONCACAF-feination!

Even just eight games in, these two are about finished with the rest of the league.  It’s #1 versus #B and the rest of the back is eight points back of the latter.  Bandits haven’t lost, but two draws have them a point behind the pacesetters.

Both score three times a game on average and give up about jack squat.  Hard to think there will be an internet streaming of this match, but let’s all try to find one.  Pirate it if you must!  Yaaaargh.

RESULT:   Bandits   0-1       And we have a new #1!    (Oh, and for the record, this match may well have been played Saturday it turns out.)

Image result for benque viejo del carmen funny

 

So long from Benque Viejo, home of Verdes!

Our Lady of Mt. Carmel church.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/29) – MLS, EPL, El Clasico lead the way

Noob tries to bring something unique to the internet landscape —

A shared, live-action learning journey of mine also meant to be one for YOU.  Learning about the best clubs, leagues, and tournaments the world over.  how it all fits together.  BUT.  Coupled with the most oddball humor-angle.

Today, at least you’re rewarded with a treasure trove of high-quality matches from the biggest leagues.   But there will still be weirdness.  I promise.  And you’ve been warned.

  1. Portland Timbers vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

Dallas and Kansas City keep going back and forth for the #1 seed in the Western Conference.  Electric boogaloo!  They’re back on top by two points with a tie to tough Columbus Crew bookended by nice (if predictable) wins versus Houston and Vancouver (who just fired their coach).   A great sign for them is that they’re succeeding playing low and high-scoring matches of late.

The #4 Timbers have trended the other way, losing two of three.  Both were on the road, but 4-1 thrashing by Houston has to be of particular concern.  Even in their home win over Columbus, they’ve played shite for defense.   At 32, is keeper Steve Clark getting a bit long in the tooth, feeling the late season lots more perhaps then his younger counterparts?   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   0-0

B.  D.C. United vs. Montreal Impact – Major League Soccer

D.C. still have five points to make up on Montreal for the East’s last Playoff slot.  It’s been an impressive second-half season comeback for the former bottom-feeders.  Wayne Rooney money appears money well-spent.

But they’ve not beaten Montreal in their last seven tries (3D, 4L).  To break that streak, they’ll look to control the pace, make it a fast and flying match.  Montreal’s success of late has been on a suddenly improving defense, peaking at the right time of year.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   D.C.   5-0        Rooney with two goals.   Acosta with a goal and three assits

Image result for letter B bird

 

 

Not the fastest-flying bird, Number B.

Yet still, nice call namedropping the Bobolink.

  1. Queretaro vs. Tigres – Liga MX

You just have to love the format in Mexico (and other Latin, South American countries) where they divide the annual league soccer calendar into two separate tournaments.  Each match is -so- important.  In fact, Noob requires your love for this!   Liga MX WILL have it.

OK, that got weird for a bit.  Welcome to Noob, if you’re new.  This match features two teams right on the edge of qualifying for the Liguilla (postseason).  Top eight clubs get in, and there’s a three-way tie for 7th-9th right now.  Wave hi, combatants.

UANL Tigres are the story here.  They haven’t lost a match since mid-August.  They’re also coming into this key road match off two clean sheets.  They’re better on both sides of the ball than Queretaro.  Which makes this match being IN Queretaro so awesome.  Noob’s absolutely finding someone with ESPN Deportes in order to catch this one (6:00 PM).

RESULT:   Tigres   0-2    A.P. Gignac with both goals

  1. Chelsea vs. Liverpool – England Premier League

These two just played a few days ago, in the EFL Trophy tournament.  (Chelsea won 1-2).  You can learn a Noob-bit about it on the Vocab page for this site.

I’d love to be able to truthfully say I didn’t include in on that day’s Track because I knew they were playing a more important league match today.  But that would make me a lie-ahh!  Noob scouted it.  Fully intended to do a mini-preview.    Crapped the bed, skipping right over it on the ol’ spreadsheet.

Oh, how long will Noob suffer his own Noobishness!  Will this Dantean circle of hell ever be written out of the accursed book?

Get a grip, Noob.  There’s no soccer in “The Inferno”. 

Oh, The Management, you cannot pull Noob from the fire and anguish in my own mind, brought on by my own footyball incompetence!

Just – do the damn mini-preview.

Right!  Liverpool are #1.  6-0-0.  Two other clubs are 5-1-0.  Chelsea is one of those.  Neither has the overall offensive striking capability of defending champs Man City, so this match is super-duper key to the league race.  Also, Liverpool hasn’t beaten them in their last four attempts.

Names to Listen For:  For Liverpool, Mo Salah is the smexy name, as he broke the league scoring record last year.  But it’s striker Daniel Sturridge that’s been keeping that engine firing of late.  Eden Hazard remains the focal point of everything Chelsea does.

There.  Feel better?  Hey now!  Put your shirt back on and that wire coat hanger away! 

The Management apologizes for needing to redact the next would-be portion of the blog, as Noob punishes himself so catastrophically as to make this the internet’s first-ever “snuff blog”.   (12:30 PM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   1-1     And guess who scored?  Hazard and then the very late one to tie it from Daniel Sturridge!

  1. Juventus vs. Napoli – Italy Serie A

Last year’s runaway #1 and #B teams from 2017-18 occupy the same two spots this year early on.  With world’s greatest player-Cristiano Ronaldo, Juve are 6-0-0 and looking unstoppable.

Napoli were soooper fun to watch for their wide-open offensive style last season, may once again pose the only real threat to Juve.  They’ve netted six goals their last two games, getting back into form.   (12:00 PM, Rai Italia)

RESULT:   Juve   3-1      Ronaldo with a pair of assits

  1. Real Madrid vs. Atletico Madrid – Spain La Liga

It’s “El Clasico” – two of the mighty powers of Spain’s always top-heavy league.  Real are tied for 1st with the current world dominator Barcelona.   They’ve had heaps of trouble with #3 Atletico in recent matches though.

Atletico like to keep the scores low, were and are a very defensive-minded group.  But if Real can find the back of the net early today at home, this is their match to lose.   (2:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for El Clasico funny

That actually looks like a fight scene from the Elijah Wood Movie “Green Street Hooligans” to Noob.

  1. USBM vs. Phare du Canal – Guadeloupe Division d’Honneur

How serious is Noob of late about us getting to know our CONCACAF brethren?   I didn’t look up and don’t even feel the need to double check my spelling of this league’s name.  Boom!

This league is unusual.  1)  They’re in CONCACAF despite being an overseas department of France. B)   They’re even part of the French football system while being in our local federation.  3)  Teams get four points for a win, two for a draw, and one for just being on the schedule (by which I mean a loss).

Ooh, and check out how close this title race was last year.  CSM beat both these teams out by a single point.  These two finished #B and #3 and were themselves separated by just one tiebreaking goal in differential for the entire season.

The season just started a week or so ago.  Noob is curious to see if the league race is wide open year to year if the same teams will be front-running again.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Thun vs. Young Boys of Bern – Switzerland Super League

FC Basel is the name Noob consistently hears on satellite radio shows regarding Switzerland.  But it’s YBB who are 8-0-0 to start.  (Check out Noobstradamus’ vision regarding YBB’s last home game to learn some history on the naming of city-Bern.  If you can pick it out through the sheer inanity!)  They’re scoring well over three goals per match and sports the league’s top defense early on.

#B Thun score second-most in the land, but have to sacrifice D to do it.  Still, this may be the top contender to Bern’s likely title.  No other club in the league even has a positive GD to date.

RESULT:   YBB   1-4

Image result for Thun Switzerland funny

 

Noob’s going to start playing lottery, win, and buy Oberhofen Castle on Lake Thun.

You’re invited to party.

  1. Riga vs. RFS – Latvia Higher League

Noobites will also see this as “Virsliga” some places.  Because Noob knows you’re going to look for Latvian football content multiple places.  *bonnnnngggg*  It’s the 42nd-ranked league in UEFA, after all.

But what can Noob say?  I’m attracted to shiny things, and nothing glistens like a 1-B matchup.   And every member country gets at least its champ into Champions League.  Noob actually does know you’ll be looking at that.

They’re about 2/3 of the way through their season already.  Riga have opened up a four-point lead on both Riga and Ventsplis.  While not unique, it is rare to see a team on top that leans so heavily on their defense only.  Their offense is actually below average compared to the entire eight-team league.

Riga had won 13 matches in a row until their scoreless draw last outing.  If not for a tough start to their season, they’d already have bought polish for the league trophy.

Meanwhile, RFS just got off a three-match, scoreless losing streak.  If they can get a W today, this league race is going to be a dandy to follow, #42-rank or not.

RESULT:   Riga FC   1-2     Noob had the home and away sides turned around

  1. APOEL Nicosia vs. AEK Larnaca – Cyprus Super Cup

One of Noob’s first-ever Twitter (@SoccerNoobUSA) followers was a proud mama of two boys who both played or maybe even still play for APOEL.  Cypriot soccer will often win a tiebreaker for Track inclusion.

Also, please join Noob in shock and amazement at not realizing how strong this league is.  I’d have guessed closer to eighteenth from the bottom than actual #18 in UEFA.

After 20 years of the event being held in Nicosia, the times have changed.  Larnaca hosts today.  They won the country’s FA Cup last season to earn their place here.  APOEL won the league title, as is often the case.  With apologies to that lovely APOEL mom, Noob thinks Larnaca’s rise will continue.  They’re winning today in AET or penalty kicks.

RESULT:   Larnaca   1-1  /  1-4  pens       Wow.  Called that one!

Image result for Catacomb of Faneromeni Church

 

 

So long from the Catacomb of Phaneroni Church, Larnaca!  

 

The city name most likely means “coffer”, referring to the massive number of sarcophagi found at this and other sites in the city.