Tag: muppets

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (6/15) – give Noobites more World Cup, Isle of Sodor footyball!

TGIGF!  “The ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow.”  Noob hopes the advent if the World Cup has brought many new patrons so that you can learn some fun stuff about the game, its leagues and such.

There are three World Cup matches today, and it goes without saying that all are “more important” than anything else going on in the football-world.  Noob plans on just previewing one each day early on, with priority given to CONCACAF, top-ranked Euro, South American, and other world teams, in that order.

Noob will continue to spend much of this space on top matches from other domestic leagues and cup tournaments, if for no other reason than to be different from the myriad of other soccer coverage out there.

  1. Portugal vs Spain – FIFA World Cup

#4 versus #10 FIFA-ranked teams in the world face off here.  These two are expected to advance as the top finishers in this Group, and easily.  The question will be who actually wins the Group, which will matter for Knockout Round seeding.

Ronaldo for Portugal and Silva for Spain are the two biggest stars playing today in a match bursting with them.  Also, and strangely – Spain fired their undefeated head coach two days ago.  What the fruit?

There.  Just enough to get you through water cooler-level chat.  Noob knows more in-depth coverage is out there.  I’ll be checking it out and learning myself!

RESULT:   3-3        A match for the ages!   Ronaldo with all three goals for Spain and Diego Costa with a pair for Portugal.

Image result for water cooler chat funny

B.  Castle Rolf vs. Suddery – Isle of Sodor Premier Cup

Three matches today in the IOS Cup.  This is the best one, as two Group E teams from the Premier League clash.  Castle Rolf finished 5th in the last PL table.  Suddery has an uncharacteristically poor year, sliding to 9th.

Castle Rolf have the closest thing to a good defense on Sodor.  They gave up just 1.1 goals per match  last season.  Suddery seemed to be victims of bad luck, leading the league in shots that hit woodwork by a wide margin (39!)

RESULT:   4-4

Image result for Rowlf muppets

 

Wrong.  Rolf.

At least Noob assumes so.  Sodor is an odd place…

3.  Cobresal vs. CD Everton – Copa Chile

It’s the Second Round in Chile’s FA Cup and 32 teams remain.  This match should be a doozie.  Cobresal are the top performer this year in the country’s second division.  C.D. Everton are in dead last in the Primera Division.

The first match of this two-legged tie at C.D.E. ended in a scoreless draw.  Noob still thinks Cobresal will be over-performing if they keep this one a draw again and force penalty kicks.  They’re in different leagues for a reason, plain and simple.

Fun Fact:  El Salvador, Actama, Chile is more mining camp than anything else, where Cobresal are from.

RESULT:   Cobresal   1-1  /  4-5 pk

  1. Ventsplis vs. Spartaks – Latvian Higher League

Welcome to the 41st-ranked league (of 54) in Europe.  Impressive?  Perhaps not.  But as Noob is taking to saying this time of year – hey, they’re playing!

These two are #B and #3 in this eight-team league.  They’re pretty even statistically.  RFS is the class and goal-scoring machine of this league.

RESULT:   Spartaks   1-2

FK Ventspils.png

 

 

Ventsplis’ crest is solid enough, yet would look even better as a key chain.

  1. Plavinas DM vs. Auda – Latvia Cup

Let’s double dip in Lativia!  Second Round action, 32 teams remain.  Unlike in Chile, this tournament is Knockout – one match and done.

Noob doesn’t have a lot to add for this one; just know that it’s happening.  Plavinas DM are a third-tier team, but I have no idea of what quality.  Auda are a second-division side, 8th place.

Fun Fact:  On Mythbusters, the idea that double-dipping a chip into dip spread as much bacteria as just sticking one’s whole mouth in the dip was debunked.

RESULT:   Auda   1-9    not a typo

  1. Brittons Hill vs. Weymouth Wales – Barbados Premier

This league is divided into what they label “zones”, as opposed to divisions.  These two are 1st and 3rd in one of them.

Each zone this year has one team absolutely laying waste to the rest.  Weymouth Wales is one of those.  They’ve outscored teams this year by a ridiculous 36-5 margin.  They’ll be playing Barbados Defence Force from the other zone for the league title eventually.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for 2018 Brittons Hill FC

 

 

The best players in Barbados can shoot Spidey-webs..

  1. APR vs. Rayon Sports – Rwanda National League

Rwandan top-flight teams have done just enough to move into the CAF rankings for next year, moving into a tie for 26th.  Hey, they’re playing!

APR are #B and part of a two-team race for this league’s title and CAF Champions League berth.  Rayon Sports are just a spot back, but seven points behind them and the season is over two dozen matches in.  Apr are better on both sides of the ball, if not by leaps and bounds.  This is a key home match to not blow if they want to keep pace with AS Kigali.

Fun Fact:  APR stands for Armée Patriotique Rwandaise (FC)

RESULT:   APR   2-1

  1. Sporting de Cabinda vs. Kabuscorp – Angola Girabola

Angola’s top league climbed to #13 in this year’s continental rankings – just one spot shy of earning themselves a second CAF Champions League berth.

Kabuscorp are in a three-way tie for 1st place.  Noob read somewhere that this club had been penalized table points for financial naughtinesses, but such is not reflected in the table out there Noob most trusts.

Kabuscorp is the offensive terror of the league.  This is a bad matchup for mid-table SdC, as they have trouble scoring.

RESULT:     now slated for tomorrow

Cabinda (red), exclave of Angola

 

 

 

That shaded area is the exclave province of Cabinda, separated from the country by DR Congo territory.

  1. Cheng Fung vs. Alfandega – Macao Premier

This is the 33rd-ranked league in Asia, of 46 associations.  The real battle in this one will be between #B and 3rd place.  Cheng Fung is in 4th.  Today is a day they can start to make a move on placing, Alfandega are last place with just one win and no draws in 15 matches.

Noob handicaps this match at +5 goals.  Alfandega have only scored 5 all year while allowing a staggering 79.

Fun Fact:  That’s a really, really bad goal differential.

RESULT:   Cheng Fung   1-0     Everybody have fun tonight.  Everybody Cheng Fung.

  1. Guarani vs. Sao Bento – Brazil Serie B

10th versus 6th doesn’t sound like much, but the top four get promoted to Serie A at season’s end.  Sao Bento haven’t shown yet that they have offense to compete with the top contenders here.  These need to pick up evenly-matched road games like these to hope to make the climb.

Fun Fact:  Sao Bento’s club was founded by horse tack manufacture employees.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Sorocaba funny

 

 

 

So long from Cateye-witness News newscat and me.  Sorocaba, Sao Bento, Brazil.  Signing off.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches- Weekend Edition – Premier League, MLS, all the finest

The ten most important matches for the newish North American fan to follow.  Our quest is noble.

  1. Chicago Fire vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

The Fire placed 3rd in the Eastern Division last season, and unless team make-up has changed a lot, they will play things wiiiiiide open.  KC finished 5th in the weaker Western.

The Management has strong KC ties.   Noob has yet to decide if he will openly root against The Management’s teams on principle, cheer along with him (Unlikely!), or modestly heckle.  For today, I’ll just say this:  If Chicago score first, KC will get routed.  (6:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   3-4    KC     (KC scored first)

Image result for heckling meme

 

 

Apparently, Noob’s late to this party.

B.  Tigres UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

Noob loves Liga MX more and more each passing day.  They play about the same number of games as other premier leagues (34), but when the season is divided into two separate halves, every game means so much more.

They’re 10 games into the Clausura (second half-season), and things are tight as a tick in the table.  Only eight points separate 1st from 13th.  These two are 5th and 7th.  Top eight will get to play in the postseason Liguilla.

The hosts have some trouble on the defensive side of things, but that makes this a good matchup for them.  Tijuana apparently just like to kick the ball as high as they can all game long.  Only 16 goals have been scored in their 10 matches.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes, Univision)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

Image result for mexican letter B

 

 

Number B is so ready.

  1. Manchester United vs. Liverpool – English Premier

At #B and #3, both these clubs are looking safe for a top four-finish and invites to the Champions League.  Man Utd. like a lower-scoring game, at least compared to other top clubs.  Noob looks for 1-0 Red Devils win.

RESULT:   Man Utd.    2-1

  1. Sevilla vs. Valencia – La Liga

Spain’s top-flight league gets four Champions League invites, and Valencia seem set for that 4th.  They’re six points up on 5th-place Sevilla.  They need more than a draw.  Anything but a win and they’ll for certain be settling for Europa League.

RESULT:   Valencia   0-2

Image result for sevilla fc meme

 

 

 

Layers of confusion.

 

 

Sunday, 3/11

  1. Atlanta United vs. D.C. United – MLS

What a treeee-mendous first season Atlanta had!   4th place in the brutally tough East.  Pretty much filling up the lower bowl at the NFL Falcons’ home stadium.  Just think where they might be in a few years.

Hopefully someplace good.  Unlike long-timers D.C. United.  They crapped the bed to a dismal last-place finish.   (3:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   Atlanta   3-1     The Capitol-crapping continues

  1. Borussia Dortmund vs. Eintracht Frankfurt – Bundesliga

Likely the most important game on the globe this weekend.  League titles mean a lot, but those seem to be decided for most of the big Euro leagues.  Getting to Champions League is what counts.

These two are tied for 3rd, and three more teams lurk no more than three points behind them.  American superstar Christian Pulisic and Dortmond will be looking to make this a battle of offense today.  Frankfurt won’t be able to keep up.   (1:00 PM, FS2, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Dortmund   3-2      High drama!  Frankfurt gets the equalizer a minute into stoppage time, then Dortmund gets the winner at 90+5.

Image result for christian pulisic funny

 

 

They grow up SO fast!

  1. Inter Milan vs. Napoli – Serie A

If the above is most important, it’s #7 here giving them a run.

Napoli lead the Italian league by a point, but they’ve also played one more game than #B Juventus.  Inter are just one point behind Lazio for the league’s last Champions League berth.  They play the same defense, but Napoli score half again as often.   (3:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Rangers vs. Celtic – Scottish Premiership

The sand is running out of the glass on Rangers.  They’re just six points behind Celtic for 1st (and the league’s only C.L. spot), but few other teams have the capability to beat Celtic.  They’ll only face off one more time after today.  Realistically, Rangers have to have a win and three points here.

RESULT:   2-3   Celtic

Image result for great scottish food

 

 

 

Wait, those can’t be Scottish.  They look edible.

  1. Jorge WIlstermann vs. Bolivar – Bolivia Premier

This is the Apertura (first half-season), and oh my have they changed formats.  While the Clausura will still be played under a more typical round-robin system, right now they league is split into two groups of seven.  The top four from each group will advance to a Knockout tournament.

Aaaaanyway.  These two are tied for 1st in their Group.

RESULT:   JW   4-2

  1. PAOK vs. AEK Athens – Superleague Greece

#2 hosts #1!   Just what’s needed – added pressure.  PAOK fans will fight just about anywhere, anytime as is.  The club has already had two points in the table deducted for hooligan fans.  They’re five behind AEK.

RESULT:   0-0      Best of all, Noob heard of no fan maimings

Image result for paok hooligans

Actual photo from fighting before a PAOK-AEK game.   

We should NEVER have sent Greece those Karate Kid VHS tapes.