Tag: NBA League Pass

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (6/2) – ConIFA World Cup is on! Plus MLS, FIFA friendlies

The FIFA World Cup begins in less than two weeks.  You’re here, you knew.

But there’s another soccer organization in the world called ConIFA.  They are the Confederation of Independent Football Associations.  Smaller, newer nations, stateless peoples, diaspora, underrepresented minorities… check out ConIFA.org for more specifics.

16 teams are competing in London.  In this opening stage, four groups of four teams each play each other in a round-robin.  Top two finishers move on to the Knockout Stage.  Each team has played one game already, and the third games will follow in just a day or two.  This event moves fast, probably for cost-reasons.

Do these matches necessarily fit into Noob’s ‘ten most important matches’ mantra?  Arguably at best.  But though Noob and Noobite we may be, this space has always also been devoted to exploring soccer worldwide.  These teams and the areas they come from are fascinating.

We start the Track there.

  1. Barawa FA vs. Cascadia – ConIFA World Cup

So where and what is Cascadia?  The team consists of players from Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia.  The players are largely U.S. tier-four players and some that play several levels down the soccer pyramid in England.   They are unranked with ConIFA, though members.

There exists a Cascadia Independence movement for the three to become their own country.  Two of the big reasons are bioregionalism and not feeling best served by eastern federal governments.

Barawa is a city in southern Somalia.  Barawa FA however, represents the Somali diaspora in England.  The organization has as part if its mission developing football in Barawa city.  Noob doesn’t have the impression there’s any active movement regarding the Somali city and independence.  This team also has many players in intermediate and lowers levels in England.

Bawara is 11th in the organization world rankings.  They won their first match 4-0.  Cascadia is not ranked, lost their first match 1-4.

RESULT:  Cascadia   1-2

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Check out those awesome Cascadia soccer Doug-socks!

 B.  Panjab vs. Western Armenia – ConIFA World Cup

Panjab is a team representing the Punjabi diaspora in England.  They won their first match 8-0 and are the #1-ranked team in ConIFA.

Western Armenia refers to a region of eastern Turkey.  The indigenous people there were largely moved or exterminated a century ago roughly.  Armenia currently claims no rights to the region, but there is a revolutionary party there that would.  Their 10th-ranked side earned a draw against the excellent United Koreans of Japan team in their first match.

RESULT:  WA   0-1

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  1. Northern Cyprus vs. Tibet – ConIFA World Cup

Northern Cyprus is considered – by other than Turkey – to be a de facto and puppet state.  All other nations regard the nation of Cyprus to be the whole island.  The Turkish military protects the Northern area.  FIFA member nations are not allowed to play them.  They are 3rd-ranked, yet only managed a draw in their first match against unranked and late fill-in team Karpatalja.

Tibet, well, you probably know a fair bit about Tibet and China.  If not, do some reading from a more specifically knowledgeable source than this old hack blogger.  It is interesting to note that some of the players live in exile due to the political situation.  They lost their first match 0-3, are ranked #13.

RESULT:  NC   3-1

  1. Padania vs. Tuvalu – ConIFA World Cup

Padania is considered by those who recognize it as the Po Valley in Italy, or a region of northern and some of central Italy.  There is a political party (Lega Nord) that favors independence, but the sentiment doesn’t seem to run strongly with most of the populace.  Their representative football team is ranked 2nd, comprised largely of fourth-division Italian players and below.  They won their first match 6-1.

Tuvalu has tried to get into FIFA, but the primary issue seems to be the lack of a single regulation pitch that meets standards.  They are ranked 33rd in ConIFA, lost their first match 0-4.

RESULT:  Padania 8-0

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  1. Ireland vs. USA – friendly

Neither is going to World Cup, but it’s another chance to see how the young players on the USMNT can do.  Ireland just got housed by France a couple days ago.  The two are ranked #34 and #21 by FIFA.

RESULT:  Ireland   2-1

  1. Dallas vs. LAFC – MLS

#B hosts #3 in the West.  Dallas is tied with Sporting Kansas City for the conference’s best defense, while expansion LAFC is tied with KC for the second-best offense.  No wonder KC is #1…   Dallas haven’t lost since late April, while LAFC hasn’t won since early May.  They racked up all those goals early in the season.

RESULT:  Dallas   2-1

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Ummmm…..

  1. NYCFC vs. Orlando City – MLS

The Eastern Conference is finally seeing some justice.  Noob and The Management-reviled Swamp City Orlando has lost three straight!  Choke on ‘em, mice-men.  Bad urban planning is never rewarded.  They’re still in the playoff picture at #5 for now.  Hopefully #3 NYCFC can stop their own lesser struggles with a resounding W today.   (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 10)

RESULT:   NYC   3-0

  1. Mexico vs. Scotland – friendly

FIFA #15 Mexico has stepped up its level of opponents the last two matches, and it hasn’t gone so well.  They drew against Wales and lost to Croatia.  Scotland is ranked just 34th in the world, should represent a chance for “El Tri” to get a win and some confidence heading into Russia.   (9:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:  Mexico   1-0

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Relevant?  Not really.  Does Noob require relevance?  *bonnnnnggg*

  1. England vs. Nigeria – friendly

Many a pundit seem to think #13 England won’t even make it out of the World Cup group stage.  They can’t seem to score a lick, but their goal-defense is astounding.  They haven’t lost a match in their last seven.

Nigeria is WC-bound as well.  They’re ranked just 47th, have lost two of three as the tournament looms.  It appears they won’t have the offensive firepower to get out of the group stage.   (12:15 PM, Fox Deportes, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:  England   2-1

  1. Johor Darul Ta’zim vs. Perak – Malaysia Super Liga

We conclude the Track with #1 vs. #B, as should be!  Does it matter that it’s from a league that’s not even quite in the top quarter of associations in Asia?  It does not.

JDT have opened up a seven-point lead in the table by virtue of an absolutely stifling defense.  They’ve allowed just five goals in a dozen games – twice as good as the next best.  Perak can put it in the net, but play only middling D.  3rd-place Pahang is better.  At home, JDT should take this by two goals.

RESULT:  Johor  2-0

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So long from Johor Bahru!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Wednesday (5/16) – MLS and Champions Leagues-ness lead!

‘Tis a strange T2T today.  OK, strange in a different way than usual.  Though it’s strange in the usual way, too…

The American portion of the ‘ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game’ aren’t chock full of the most high-end squads.  Still, we track and we learn the breadth of our local game!

The European and rest of the world-matches, weh-heh-hell, they’re quite the basket of goodies-  let’s gorge!

  1. Marseille vs. Atletico Madrid – Europa League

The Final!   And while it’s not in Marseille, it is in France (Lyon).  The winner gets a shiny trophy, and even better, an automatic invitation to the next Champions League.   (2:45 PM Eastern, FS1)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that the Spanish club gets better experience playing in a deeper league.  They’ll cruise today, 1-3, even on French soil.

RESULT:   Atleti   0-3

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Even Marseille fans in the French soil will be upset.

B.  Vancouver Whitecaps vs. San Jose Earthquakes – MLS

Vancouver are in 5th place, SJ -10th.  Top six in each conference will make the playoffs, though that’s a ways off.

San Jose just got off a three-game losing skid, beating Minnesota Utd. on the road.  Vancouver, meanwhile, have been moving the wrong direction in the table since a reasonably nice start to the season.   (10:30 PM, NBA League Pass 6)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …the ‘Quakes keeping Toronto’s star from Sierra Leone – Kei Kamara – in check, getting an 0-1 road upset!

RESULT:   2-2     My prognostication powers are not supposed to be for evil!  I tweeted the MLS After Dark pod guys/’Quakes fans when SJ led 1-2.   The game was immediately tied again.

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My vision also shows me the MLS After Dark pod duo will treat themselves to magnificently aged whiskey after the S.J. victory.

  1. Bethlehem Steel vs. New York Red Bulls II – USL

The top eight from each conference in the U.S. second division league makes the post season.  NY Red Bulls are 6th and should climb if their offense and goal differential continue as they are.

13th-place Bethlehem are not at all bad themselves, but the Eastern Conference is by far the tougher this season.

Noobstradamus Sees:   NYRB 1-2

RESULT:   Bethlehem   3-0

  1. Atlanta United II vs. Toronto II – USL

For as awesome as second-year MLS club Atlanta have been, their reserve team has sure been abysmal.  Yet they should be favored over winless Toronto II.  They haven’t even averaged a goal every other game.  These two are at the bottom of the East.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Surprisingly – goals!  2-2

RESULT:   ATL2   5-4    Many goals!

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Surprise!…

  1. Seacoast United Phantoms vs. Elm City Express – U.S. Open Cup

This is the Second Round of America’s FA Cup.  At this stage, USL clubs enter the competition.  To this point, Local Qualifying teams, and fourth-tier teams from PDL and NPSL have been vying.  The match Noob opt to feature today Is the only one from two dozen today that doesn’t feature a USL club.

Seacoast are officially from New Hampshire (“seacoast”, really?) but play their home games in Massachusetts.  They won the 1017 Northeast Division of the PDL.  Elm City entered the NPSL last year and one the whole shebang!  They play on Yale University’s campus.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that Elm City won the first match on the road, while it took the Phantoms penalties to advance on their own pitch.   Express 0-2.

RESULT:   Elm City   0-2     Soothsaying success!

  1. Flamengo vs. Emelec – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League is close to completing its Group Stage.  Four teams are in each Group, top two move on to the Knockout Round.

Ecuadorian Emelec – the country’s top entrant – are in last.  They probably need to win both their remaining games to get to #B.  Flamengo are the 5th-best entry from Brazil.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that Flamengo need to win out to possibly catch #1 River Plate out of Argentina.  They win in a rout today, 4-0.

RESULT:   Flamengo   2-0

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Knock-knock.  Who’s there?

Emelec.  Until they’re eliminated.

  1. Shanghai SIPG vs. Kashima Antlers – AFC Champions League

This is the Round of 16 in Asia’s CL.  Each of these clubs finished #B in their domestic leagues last year.  Kashima won the first match of this two-legged tie big, 3-1.

Noobstrdamus Sees:  Kashima have too much offense for SIPG to make up this kind of deficit.  2-2 today.

RESULT:   SIPG   2-1     Kashima advances!

  1. Suwon Bluewings vs. Ulsan Hyundai – AFC Champions League

These are the 3rd and 4th-place clubs from South Korea’s K1 League last year.  Ulsan won the first leg 1-0.

Noobstrdamus Sees:   Ulsan have been very average this season, and can’t score easily.  Suwon can and will, winning 2-0 today to advance.

RESULT:   Suwon   2-0   More success for my prognostication!

Image result for ulsan hyundai fc funny

 

 

What?

  1. Etoile du Sahel vs. Zesco United – CAF Champions League

The tournament is only a match or two in for everyone.  Africa’s CL, too, starts with Groups of four, with the top two finishers moving on to the Knockout Stage.

Tunisian EdS are finished #B last season in Africa’s best league not named Egyptian Premier.  Zesco won the last Zambian top-flight league title.

Noobstrdamus Sees:   Zambia’s league is barely ranked top-10.  Noob’s not convinced there’s tons of parity in Africa.  Etoile wins 2-0.

RESULT:   Etoile   2-1

  1. AEK Larnaca vs. Apollon Limassol – Cypriot Cup

Let’s end the Track today with a Final!  It will be played at a neutral site, Cyprus’ biggest stadium, in Nicosia.  These two are #3 and #B in this year’s First Division.

Noobstrdamus Sees:   that despite not being in 1st currently, Apollon Limassol have only lost once all season.  Larnaca just don’t have the defensive chops to stay in it today.  1-3 Apollon Limassol.

RESULT:   Larnaca   2-1    Congrats to the Cup winners!

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So long from Loufa Fun Park, Nicosia!

Will Noob enter the giant chicken?

Need you ask?

 

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (5/12) – MLS, top UEFA league’s drama, and more FA Cup Finals!

The ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – brook no nonsense (ok, maybe a little nonsense…) on the weekends.  There’s hardware to be passed out today, so let’s dive in.

  1. Columbus Crew vs. Chicago Fire – MLS

Noob originally had Dallas and LA Galaxy for the top game today, but it’s a save over the crossbar!  Correct best game identified.

Columbus are #4 in the Eastern Conference, have seemingly righted their ship.  They lost three straight matches before this unbeaten streak of four.  Chicago are having trouble on offense.  Four assists out of their aged Euro-star Bastian Schweinsteiger isn’t bad, but he’s stuck on one goal for the season.   (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Columbus 1-0 on an early goal.   Columbus doesn’t score much, either, but they’re tied for the conference lead in goal defense.

RESULT:   Columbus 3-0

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Do you have a question, Bastian?   Noob’s spot-on.

B.  Portland Thorns vs. Orlando Pride – NWSL

Orlando have won four in a row!  That’s pushed them to 5th place, but Noob thinks the soccer gods are lulling them into a false sense of accomplishment.    (3:30 PM, Lifetime)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …#4 Portland repeating their 2-1 home win from earlier this season versus the Pride.  Down with cities built on swamps!

RESULT:   Orlando   1-2

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Number B – menacing with a thorny look

  1. Middlesbrough vs. Aston Villa – English Championship

The battle is on to determine which of the #3-6 clubs will get the third and final Promotion into Premier League for next season!  This is the first leg of a semifinal between, as you might imagine, two very even sides.

Noobstrdamus Sees:   1-1.  Saving the real drama for the return leg at Aston Villa.

RESULT:   Aston Villa 0-1

  1. 1899 Hoffenheim vs. Borussia Dortmund – Bundesliga

This is the last weekend of matches in Germany!  Reminder:  Four Champions League berths for this league.

#3 Dortmund are all but guaranteed one now, as they lead #4’s Hoffenheim and Leverkusen by three points each.  Might explain why they lost to lowly Mainz at home last match.

Hoffenheim is hoping their hosts today will be sleeping again.  Leverkusen play at home against also-ran Hannover today.   (9:30 AM, KTBC)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Hoffenheim 2-0, leaving Leverkusen having to utterly blowout Hannover to pass them.

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   3-1

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He’s even in a yellow BVB jersey, see?

  1. AS Monaco vs. St. Etienne – Ligue 1

Monaco are tied for 3rd place and the final CL slot for France.  But they’ve got this and one more match to play, whereas their peer Marseille are down to just one.

St. Etienne may be #6 and fighting to hold onto their Europa League slot, but there’s a massive gulf in ability between the league’s top four and everyone else.   (3:00 PM, TV5MONDE)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Monaco leaving nothing to chance.  5-1.

RESULT:   1-0

  1. Inter Milan vs. Sassuolo – Serie A

With two matches to go in Italy, it’s Inter who are losing the game of musical chairs.  They’re in 5th, two points out of 4th and the final CL spot.  They have a possibly sneaky-tough matchup today as #12 Sassuolo have only lost once since mid-March.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that the competition Sassy-pants have been playing of late is decidedly not the league’s strongest.  Inter 3-0.

RESULT:   Sassuolo   1-2

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Snausages!

Noob neither has nor needs any reason.

  1. Galatasaray vs. Yeni Malatyaspor – Turkey Super Lig

Hiccup Watch game.  Y.M. are 10th place, should be fodder for tied-for-1st Galatasaray.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Galatasaray – who have two matches left to just one for co-#1 Istanbul Basaksehir – not giving up that advantage.  4-1.

RESULT:   Galatasaray   2-0

  1. AEK Athens vs. PAOK – Greek Cup

The Final!  Athens get to host, no neutral site business here.  And it’s the league #1 vs. #B, as is good, right, and proper.   (1:30 PM, Antenna 20 Years)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Massive fires in Athens, a couple of maimings… it’s Greece!   Oh, and PAOK gets the upset, 1-1, then taking it in PK’s.  So make that several maimings.

RESULT:   PAOK   0-2

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Hold up.   Did someone say snausages?   Yummaaaay.

  1. HJK vs. FC Inter – Finnish Cup

Another Final!   This one shouldn’t be dramatic, truth be told.  HJK Helsinki are the league defending champions.  FC Inter are a bottom-half club who achieved nicely by getting to this match.

Noobstradamus Sees:   HJK 11-1.

  1. Sporting Cristal vs. Huancayo – Peru Premier

Let’s end the Track with one more Final!   This is the championship for the Verano (first of three regular season stages).  Cristal earned a 1-1 draw on the first leg of this two-match tie.  They are likely considered a full goal-better than Huancayo on their own pitch.   (9:30 PM, Peru Magico)

Noobstrdamus Sees:  …that funny things happen in footyball!  2-2 today, then the visitors take the title in penalty kicks.

RESULT:   Cristal 1-0     chamPEENS!

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So long from Peru–  from Noob and controversial Peruvian TV character “Peasant Jacinta”!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (5/11) – from MLS to around the planet!

TGIGF!

Please keep your trays in the upright and locked position.  Your about to jet off with Noob on our weekly football adventure!  Buckle up.  It will get weird.    Again.

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Houston Dynamo – MLS

Everyone in the Western Conference is chasing KC and LAFC. The Whitecaps so far are the best of the rest.  For #6 Houston to eke out a road win, look for Argentinian national midfielder Tomas Martinez to need a big game.   (10:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Houston 2-1, with a goal and assist for Martinez

RESULT:   2-2     Martinez did get a goal.  Houston scored the go-ahead goal in 89′ and then Vancouver tied it right back up at 90′!

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And welcome to the Track, Tomas.

B.  Pittsburgh Riverhounds vs. Indy Eleven – USL

Your division two-undercard is also a #3 versus #6.  This is likely to be a defensive slog, er, artistic performance by both sides.

Noobstrdamus Sees:  Pittsburgh’s surprising undefeated streak continuing as they claim 1st place.  They have yet to lose all season.

RESULT:   0-0

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Noob…doesn’t see how going incognito has a bird is relevant, Number B.

  1. Derby County vs. Fulham – English Championship

Wolverhampton and Cardiff City finished in the top two spots in England’s second division, earning automatic promotion to Premier League next season.  Now it’s time for the next four in the table to battle for the third and final spot.

#6 Derby Co. has bounced back from a mostly-catastrophic April (three straight losses) to not lose in their last three.  Fulham lost their last match – one that didn’t matter to them in the table – and before that last lost in early January.

Noobstradamus Sees:   The allure of something like a quarter billion pounds in added Premier League revenue being a strong, strong motivator.  Derby Co. overcomes a deficit at home, wins the first leg of this quarterfinal 3-2.

RESULT:   Derby Co.   1-0

  1. Guingamp vs. Marseille – Ligue 1

Noob once had a nasty case of Guingamp on his left foot.  That stuff will eat the flesh right to the bone if you’re not careful!

The Management here, apologizing once again for the randomly-non sequitur ramblings of Noob.  Is this something Farside comic-ish related to a foot disease like necrotizing fasciitis?

I like dogs.   I forget math sometimes.

Weirdo.  Anyway, this match is important because Marseille are one point outside of 3rd place and the league’s last CL berth with two league matches to go.  Don’t make me do your job, Noobstra-dumbass.

RESULT:   3-3     Marseille went down to ten men due to a red card at 66′.  Guingamp scored the go-ahead at 70′, but Marseille tied it back up at 81′.

  1. Reims vs. Nimes – Ligue 2

Where Noob deems nothing is as it seems.  *Noob beams*.

What the actual f– um, fruit?  The Management wonders if we need to talk to Human Resources.  #1 and #2, er, “#B” in France’s second division.

RESULT:   2-2    And that ends the regular season in France’s second division!  These two are promoted for next year to Ligue 1.  Next come the playoffs for the next three teams in the table to see which other club moves up.

  1. Antalyaspor vs. Istanbul Basaksehir – Turkey Super Lig

Turkey’s clubs have just two matches each to go, and nothing is decided at the table’s top.  Istanbul Basaksehir is tied for #B (3rd on tiebreaker though), trailing #1 Galatasaray by three and leading Besiktas by just one in the standings.

This is definitely a Hiccup Watch match.  Antalyaspor are in 12th and have done nothing against any of the top four clubs this season.  But anything can happen on the road, and I.B. cannot afford a Hiccup here.   (1:00 PM, beIN Sports En Español)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Istanbul eking this one out.  They’re offense is the weakest of the four top teams, but Antalyaspor can’t stop a beach ball generally.   I.B. 1-3, with a the third being a meaningless late one.

RESULT:   I.B.   0-2

Image result for turkey club sandwich

 

Yup.  Turkey club on top of a table.

No apologies.

  1. Erzurum BB vs. Umraniyespor – Turkey First League

Welcome to the Track, Turkey second division!   Just like in England’s second tier, the top two get auto-promoted, while the next four duke it our for a third slot moving up.  These two finished #5 and #4, respectively.  Both have been rolling.

Noobstradamis Sees:  …Erzurum’s freaky two-headed bird crest emblem.  Not a vision, just a plain old nightmare.  Umraniyespor wins 1-8.  Maybe.

RESULT:  EBB   4-3

Büyükşehir Belediye Erzurumspor logo.png

 

  1. Leipaja vs. RFS – Latvia Higher League

it’s very early in this European summer league, where these two are #1 and #3, and are tied for the largest GD so far (+10).  Let’s have a shootout!

Noobstradamus Sees:   Leipaja 4-3

RESULT:   RFS   3-5

  1. Ismaily vs. Al Masry – Egypt Premier League

Perennial powerhouse Al Ahly has already claimed the title, but this league gets two berths into the next CAF Champions League.  #B Ismaily is up on #3 Al Masry by five in the table, but this is the host team’s last match of the season.  Al Masry have one more after this in which to earn points.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that Ismaily hasn’t lost since February.  it will be hard-fought by Al Masry, but the final will be 2-2, securing ismaily’s CL invite.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Al-Jazeera vs. Al-Wehdat – Jordan Premier

Let’s end the Track with a celebratory congrats to Al-Wehdat, you’re 2017-18 Jordanian champs!  This is the last match of the season for these two.  Al-Wehdat are tied for #B and Noob presumes a Confederations Cup slot (think: Europa League for Africa).

Noobstradamus Sees:  ….a grand party for Al-Wehdat!

RESULT:   Al-Wehdat   0-4

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And so long from Amman, Jordan!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Wednesday (5/9) – a tidal waves of FA Cups

So much hardware is being handed out today, the sun glaring off it all will be blinding.  FA Cups galore!

But the ten most important games for us – the newish American fans – begins closer to home.  Then, on to the Cup Finals!

  1. Atlanta United vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

You can’t ask for better than the two Conference leaders facing off.  Atlanta are two points better in the overall table, chase for the Supporters’ Shield.  Home field should mean everything tonight, as Atlanta lead the league in average attendance, too.  Not bad for a second-year club.   (7:30 PM, NBA League Pass 6, Fox Sports South)

Noobstradamus Sees:  …The Management filled with ire and rage for his in-house prognosticator!  The spirit world from which the visions come is not biased, Boss-Man.  Atlanta  2-1.

RESULT:   KC   0-2   Happy The Management!

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Noob will help you through this, The Management.

B.  Utah Royals vs. Orlando Pride – NWSL

#6 Utah is unusual for an expansion team, as they’re really good on team defense, but struggle a touch on offense.  Orlando looks the same.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …himself making no prediction here, instead deferring to Number B.

RESULT:   0-0

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But don’t let it go to your head, Number B.

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Newcastle United – English Premier

Noob-reviled Hotspur now only lead Chelsea by two points in the table for the fourth and final Champions League invitation.  Two matches to go.

Newcastle are earning the “class prize” of sorts.  They’re in a four-way tie for 10th, easily the best position of any of the three clubs that were promoted to Premier this season.

Noobstrdamus Sees:  0-0!   Hotspur is playing sketchy ball down the stretch (yay!), while Newcastle have lost three straight – and not even to terribly strong competition.

RESULT:   Hotspur   1-0

  1. Juventus vs. AC Milan – Coppa Italia

The Final, at the Olympic Stadium in Rome!

AC Milan is 6th in league play.  Despite winning their last two matches, they have falling out of contention for even a Europa League berth.  This is the one game they have left that matters.

Juventus are now up six points over Napoli with two matches to go.  Any inkling they might’ve had to rest any starters is probably shoved aside now.  (3:00 PM, GOL TV)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Juve 2-1.  A late AC Milan goal will give them a few moments of hope.

RESULT:   Juve   4-0

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Juve’s version of Justin Timberlake is decidedly not bringing sexy back.

  1. Tosno vs. Avangard Kursk – Russian Cup

Another Final!  Volgograd is the neutral site for this odd matchup.

Tosno were promoted to Premier last year, and are in position now to head right back to second-tier.  Kursk are a below-average team from the second-tier.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …a nation not caring much about this Final probably, not with their hosting of the World Cup imminent.

RESULT:   Tosno   2-1   chamPEEENS!

  1. Dynamo Kyiv vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – Ukrainian Cup

More Final?  Yes, please!   And this is a Final as it should be, with the historic and current league powerhouses coming together.  Dinipro is the neutral site city.

Last they played, in league, DKyiv won 0-1 at Shakhtar’s.   They’ve been scalding hot, not losing a league match since late February.  Donetsk have beaten all comers since that loss to DKyiv.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Kyiv 1-1, winning in pk’s.  Scoring for both has slowed some the last couple matches.

RESULT:   Shakhtar   0-2    Trophy time!

Image result for noobstradamus

 

But the prowess of Noobstradamus’ prognostication-ability never wanes!

That sounded cool, right?   Right?…

  1. Sturm Graz vs. Salzburg – Austrian Cup

Klagenfurt am Worthersee.  That’s fun to say.  It is where this Final is being held (neutral).

These two finished #B and #1 in league, but it wasn’t a close race.  Salzburg only lost twice, while SG did so 5x as often.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …a statement game-finish for Salzburg, 5-2.  SG’s weakness was easily goal-defense all season.

RESULT:   Sturm Graz   1-0  in AET

  1. Slavia Prague vs. Jablonec – Czech Cup

The barrage of Finals continues!  The neutral site city for this one is Mlada Boleslav.  They are #2 and #4 in the country’s best league, one with a pretty tight table up top.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Slavia Prague 3-2, in a barrage of goals!

RESULT:   Slavia Prague   3-1   (Hey, was close on one!)

Image result for czech cup funny

 

 

Admit it – you’re feelings for Czech football are moving in a positive direction.

  1. Beitar Jerusalem vs. Hapoel Haifa – Israeli Cup

Here’s a Final that’s actually not at a neutral site.  If league #B Beitar can control the pace, this would be a nifty one to watch.  They score and give up goals in spades.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …that defense travels!  Hapoel Haifa gets the upset, 1-2.

RESULT:   H Haifa   1-3    Woohoo!

  1. Slavia Sofia vs. Levski Sofia – Bulgarian Cup

This Final is at the national stadium in Sofia, though this season it’s also been Levski’s home pitch as well.

Levski looks like they will finish #3 in the league, get to play another final of sorts for a Europa League slot.  Slavia are “the best of the rest”, as they narrowly missed making the league championship subdivision.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Levski controlling the pace and getting a 0-0 draw, but then losing in PK!

RESULT:   Slavia Sofia   0-0 / 4-2 PK     OK, that was stunning.  Nailed it!

Image result for sofia bulgaria funny

 

So long from Sofia, Bulgaria!

Noob overpacked.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday – from MLS to a Saudi surprise

TGIGF!

‘The ten best matches for us – the newish American fans – to track’ takes its usual Friday bent, as we Trot the Globe!  Today, we’ll start in locales familiar, then jetset to four continents for footyball action!

There must be a crack in the airplane window today.  Nothing but a low oxygen level explains Noob’s weirdness this round…

  1. Toronto vs. Philadelphia Union – MLS

Philadelphia, we’re used to you being ungoodly.  8th in conference last year, same this season.

But Toronto?!   The defending champs are in last place in the Western Conference.  Apologists will say they had been putting most of their early season effort into the CONCACAF Champions League (in which they lost in the Final).  Contrarians might contend their stars are getting long in the tooth.   (8:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Philly 0-1.   On a late penalty kick.  After a bad call.

RESULT:   Toronto   3-0

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It’s about time I was co-lead of this shite soccer site.  

Time to clean stuff up!

B.  Brighton & Hove Albion vs. Manchester United – English Premier

It will be interesting to see which side brings the energy today.  #B Man Utd. have already locked up their Champions League berth for next year.  BHA are in 14th, but could still be fighting hard for a top half finish.  Plus, each position up in the table is worth an average of about 2M pounds.  Not that Noob knows if the players get it.

BHA’s issue all season has been goal-scoring.  For a table-top team, Man Utd don’t score in droves, either.    (3:00 PM, NBCSN)

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1     BHA scores early, Man Utd decides late that they’d like a point.

RESULT:   BHA   1-0

Image result for happy letter B

 

Noob hopes that’s a BHA fan, supporting the quest of Number B!

  1. Real Salt Lake City vs. Orange County – USL

Division Two this may be, but what a matchup.  The current 3rd-place and defending Western Conference champs take on #1 OC.

Real SLC trail OC by three in the table, but have played two fewer games.  But that’s not the only reason OC lead.  They are tied for the league’s best offense and sport the #1 defense as well.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Real 3-2.   Which sucks.  Because tenured Noobites know how Noob feels about anything royal/”real” in Muricuh!   Did we fight the Revolutionary War for no reason?

RESULT:   Real   2-1

  1. Al Ahly vs. Esperance – CAF Champions League

Africa’s Champions League group stage begins!  Four groups of four, top two finishers in each advance to the quarterfinals.

And Group A is your “Group of Death”.  These two clubs are why.   They are the runaway winners of the continent’s best two leagues (Egypt, Tunisia).

The other two in this group are a Botswanan club that had to get through a qualifying round and the champs out of Uganda – a mediocre, one-entrant league.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Al Ahly  4-1      The “Red Castle” are going to make a statement right out of the gate.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for group of death funny

  1. Braga vs. Boavista – Primeira Liga (UEFA #7)

Two league matches to go in Portugal, and things are scalding hot at top of table.

Braga trail the #3 and #B clubs by just three points.  To get a Champions League berth, they’ll have to pass both.  The good news for them is that they would likely hold the goal differential-tiebreaker over one of them should that come into play.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Braga having no trouble with #8 Boavista.  Too much firepower up front.  Braga 3-1.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Dynamo Kyiv vs. Mariupol – Ukraine Premier (UEFA #8)

D.K. lag behind #1 Shakhtar Donetsk by five points.  Even with surely a dominating performance today versus #5 Mariupol, they’re unlikely to catch up.  But Ukraine gets two into Champions League, so their weeping for what is lost will be short-lived.

Noobstradamus Sees:   D.K.  2-0

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for weep for what is lost

  1. Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Sivasspor – Turkey Super Lig (UEFA #10)

If Portugal is “scalding hot”, Turkey is pure lava!  The top four in Turkey are separated by all of four points.

Top two get into Champions league, and Besiktas is #B with three league matches to go.  But they face the toughest test this weekend among those top four, the #7 Spartans of Sivasspor.

Noobstradamus has had a stunning vision!

“I dreamt I was in the movie “Meet the Spartans”.  Kevin Sorbo and Diedrich Bader were doing battle in a gladiatorial stadium.  I looked on with Carmen Electra as the two combatants pelted one another with petrified baklava.  We delighted in the blood and faux-chocolatey spatter as they danced their dance of death.”

“In truth, the battle was very one-sided.   Sorbo, in a Sivasspor football kit, stood over the prone, dessert-covered Bader in his Istanbul gear.  Just before slamming the fatal shard into his heart, Sorbo shouted, ‘1-2’!”

It was a pretty abrupt ending to a terribly strange dream.  But Noobstradamus is only a host for the visions, not the controller.   Sivasspor deal a mighty blow today to Istanbul’s title hopes.

RESULT:   1-1     Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten chilidogs and watched Hercules and Outsourced back-to-back so late…

Image result for Kevin Sorbo Diedrich Bader

 

 

But in real life —

Best frehhhnds!

  1. Waterford vs. Dundalk – League of Ireland Premier (UEFA #38)

#3 hosts #2 in one of Europe’s “summer leagues”.  They’re only maybe 2/3 of the way through their season, not in the last matches like the “bigger” UEFA leagues.

Cork City is #1, but not running away with the title like last season.  Dundalk trails them by three, and surprising Waterford is just three more back.

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1    This will only be the fifth goal Dundalk has conceded all season.

RESULT:   Waterford   2-1

  1. Barcelona SC vs. LDU de Quito – Ecuador Serie A

If this looks familiar, it’s because it should.  These two just played on 4/29 in a Noob-featured match.  Quito hosted and won 2-1.  They now lead BSC by a point in the table.  But now BSC hosts.

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1     Quito is better on both sides of the ball, if not by leaps and bounds.

RESULT:   Quito   0-1

  1. Al Kawkab vs. Al-Raed – Saudi Pro League qualification

It’s a Final!  And Noob would be willing to bet no one else in the English-speaking world is previewing this match.

Al-Kawkab finished 4th in the second-division First League.  And they got whupped in the first leg by top-tier bottom feeder Al-Raed, 4-1.

If Kawkab has hope, it is that Raed played the worst defense in their league, and they played among the best offense in their own.  And Kawkab did score in that first road leg.  Noob suspects the player who got that – Senegalese forward Mignane Diouf – will have to catch fire.

Noobstrdamus Sees:   Kawkab   2-1     Good, but not good enough

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for goodbye from Saudi Arabia

 

 

And goodbye from Saudi Arabia!

‘10 to Track’ for Sat., 4/27 – from MLS and Liga MX to Europe and beyond, it’s a Noobstradamus-day!

Noobstradamus, did you hit the Sativa instead of the Indica?   It’s a tidal wave today of prognostication excellence (*cough cough*) from our resident ancient seer!

Here are the 10 most important games to track today, for us, the newish American fans.

  1. New England Revolution  vs Sporting Kansas City – MLS

KC has a five-point lead in the West, but the next two behind them have played two fewer games.   Things will tighten up. The Revs are in 4th in the East, a far sight better than last season.

Noob looks for the high-powered Kansas City side to score early and often.  New England’s defense is solid, but KC lead the entire league in goals made.       (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   New England   1-0

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Why hate when I can prognosticate?

1-2 Kansas City is the today’s future.

 

B.    Orlando Pride vs Seattle Thorns- NWSL

Noobstradamus says 0-1, Seattle over Swanp City.  Down with bad urban planning!

RESULT:   1-1

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I foresee Number B replacing that archaic Number to in lists, thanks to this quest.  Archaic things, meh!

Wait, I’m archaic…

 

3.  Tigres vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

Both have qualified for the postseason Liguilla heading into this final regular season match.  But seeding is still very much in the air.  They are 4th and 3rd now, but either could jump to #B with a win tonight.

Tigres will try to keep the pace slow.  They can’t take Monterrey in a goal-fest.   Noobstradamus sees all, sees a 1-1 draw.  (8:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   2-2

4.  Inter Milan vs Juventus – Serie A

Juve is only a point up on #B Napoli.  Inter is in 5th, just outside the Champions League slots.  But they trail the next two teams up by just one in the table.  Juve are better on both sides of the ball, and loads better on offense.    (2:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Juve   2-3    Good LAWD!   Juve was watching their title slip away, down 2-1 with three minutes plus added time to go.  They scored twice more before 90′.

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Inter will run out of gas now and going forward.   0-1 Juve today

5.  Bayer Leverkusen vs Stuttgart – Bundesliga

Will the pressure get to Leverkusen?  They’re 4th, barely in a CL slot  they SHOULD handle 10th place Stuttgart.  (12:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Stuttgart   0-1

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2-1 Leverkusen.  Stuttgart is German for “stuttering child”.  You don’t need other-worldly powers to see their going to lose.

The Management here:  Noobstra-dumbass doesn’t know German.

6.  Swansea vs Chelsea – English Premier

Four matches to go and 5th place Chelsea still trails #4, Noob-reviled Hotspur by five points in the table.

Meanwhile, Swansea are fighting for their Premier lives at the other end of the standings.  They’re only one slot above the Relegation line, though at least they have a four-point lead on the next club down.  They can’t score.  They have the best defense among the league’s worst teams, but that’s quite the qualifier.   (12:30 PM, Universo)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-1

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1-3 Chelsea.

I also predict Hotspur will  be Relegated for being named for a historic traitor.

7.  Lyon vs Nantes – Ligue 1

Hiccup Watch match for #3 Lyon. France only gets three into CL nowadays   Pummeling #9 Nantes will give them relief.   Noobstradamus says Lyon 3-0.

RESULT:   Lyon   2-0

8.  Herediano vs Saprissa – Costa Rica Premier

The top two collide in the postseason!  Noobstradamus predicts concussions.  Ouch.

RESULT:   Herediano   1-0

9.  Sendai vs. Sapporo – J 1 League

The Management must be given his Japan-fix.   The league is just far enough in now for Noob to pay attention.

Noobstradamus has no score prediction, but prognosticates The Management will today bring up in conversation a culturally subversive animated show from there that features an office worker Red Panda that fights off existential ennui by performing in a death metal band at night.

Noob isn’t kidding.  It’s so disorienting, all I can do is figuratively projectile-vomit out number #10 – Reno and OKC in USL action.  Reno scores LOTS. They’ll win…14-3 today. Maybe.

RESULTS:   J1 League match ends 2-2;  Reno   2-0

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (4/21) – MLS, UEFA leagues, bad Zlatan-wear

The ten most important matches for us, the newish American fans.  Things go from important to absolutely paramount in Europe when the seasons are hitting their climaxes.

Before we get to those – ‘Muricuh!

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Atlanta United – MLS

What a different a year can make!   The talk if the league is the Galaxy’s signing of international megastar striker Zlatan Ibrahimovich, but it’s actually their defense that has that #B in the West.

Atlanta United will test that defense.  They’re #3 in the tougher Eastern Conference.  The game kicks off 9:00 PM Eastern on NBA League Pass 6.

RESULT:   ATL   0-2

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Now that he’s in L.A., I guess he can stop wearing crazy lady’s gift sweater.

B.  Columbus Crew vs. New England Revolution – MLS

Your Major League Soccer undercard pits the #4 team in the East against #3.  The Revs have improved their defense after missing the playoffs last season.  They’d been on quite a roll until getting skunked at home by Dallas.

Columbus have been skunkier though, not scoring in consecutive matches and losing three straight.  But they’ve been creating chances, getting a little unlikely hitting wood repeatedly.  Noob strongly feels the Crew will right their ship today.   (7:30 PM, NBA League Pass 7)

RESULT:   2-2

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Number B, about to learn a hard lesson about skunkiness.

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Utah Royals – NWSL

The good news for expansion Utah – they’ve only allowed two goals in three matches.  The bad news – they’ve only scored once.  The worse news – they travel to defending regular season champions Courage today.   (3:30 PM, Lifetime)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Necaxa vs. UANL Tigres – Liga MX

Tigres are tied for 3rd with just three Clausura (second half-season) matches to go, but they have yet to secure a top-eight, postseason Liguilla spot.  Tigres are part of a three-way tie for 9th place, just a point shy of 8th.

Neither team gives up many goals.  If you like defense, this one is available to ogle at 10:00 PM on ESPN Deportes.

RESULT:   1-1

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The Mexican Hornet Defense.

Really, it’s called that.

  1. Manchester United vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – FA Cup

Noob-reviled, traitorously-named Hotspur face off against Man Utd in the Semifunal, at Wembley (neutral). Man U’s  slight edge on defense  should make them a winner today.  (12:15 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Man U   2-1

  1. Barcelona vs. Sevilla – Copa del Rey

It’s the Final!  Sevilla have had a tremendous run in Spain’s FA Cup, especially given that they’re only in 7th in La Liga.  That run ends today in Madrid, and won’t end well for them.  Barcelona have yet to lose a league match all year.  Barca by two feels right.   (3:30 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Barca   5-0

Image result for copa del rey trophy 2018

  1. RB Leipzig vs. 1899 Hoffenheim – Bundesliga

With four matches to go, that is also the number of points by which Leipzig trail 4th place Borussia Dortmund for the league’s last Champions League invite.  Hoffenheim (and Frankfurt) in turn only trail Leipzig by a point.

Leipzig are hardly falling apart, but Hoffenheim are peaking at the perfect time.  They’ve not lost in seven straight matches.  If they can push the ball today, a pivotal road win should be in their grasp.   (9:30 AM, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   2-5     Hoffenheim move into 5th

  1. SPAL 2013 vs. AS Roma – Serie A

Roma, Lazio, and Inter – one’s not going to Champions League.  The race for the last two of the four CL slot Italy is tight and then some.  Roma and Lazio are tied, with Inter lurking just a point behind.

SPAL are only one slot above the Relegation Zone, so they are not without a reason to fight.  They can’t score in general, and they’re unlikely to against defensive juggernaut Roma.   (9:00 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:  Roma 0-3

Image result for SPAL meme

 

 

Meaning?  No clue.

Terrified?  You betcha.

  1. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Vorskla – Ukraine Premier

This the #8 league in Europe, a real rising power, getting two CL berths this year.  They’ve replaced Poland as Noob’s under-the-radar league to watch.

Shakhtar are the goal-scoring giant here.  Vorskla are in 3rd, and have overachieved in getting there.  They won’t score today, get run roughshod over.

RESULT:   S.D.   4-2

  1. Phoenix Rising vs. Swope Park Rangers – USL

Noob loves him some second-tier footyball.  On the weekend, though, usually their matches give way to top-flight leagues.  I’d scouted a sweet UAE match with which to finish today’s Track, but Al Nasr has since fallen out of the top quarter of their league table.  Denied!

These both made the playoffs last year.  Just a handful of games into this season, they’re in position again.  That said, Rangers appear to have fallen off defensively.  A lot.  Noobstradamus says Phoenix’s offensive will finally break out, net them a 3-1 win today.

RESULT:   2-2

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Phoenix Rising are about to get hot.  But it’ll be a dry heat.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (4/20) – MLS, NWSL, Liga MX keep us closer to home

TGIGF!  yet today, we won’t be hitting the soccer hinterlands quite like usual.  This is a rare Friday sched that’s chock full of great matches, in leagues Noob covers and you crave.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

Nearly every team has played five games, an arbitrary benchmark Noob uses to stop leaning on the previous seasons’ stats so heavily and look at what’s in front of us.

So what’s in front of us?  KC is #1 in the West, and they’re doing it with a wide-open style.  They lead the league in offense.  Vancouver is in 3rd.  They’re two road wins this early are impressive.  But ultimately, this team isn’t scoring enough goals.  Bad matchup for them today.

Noob’s thinking KC 3-0.  The Management should be pleased, since he is pro-all things KC.   (9:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass)

RESULT:   KC   6-0

Image result for happy Manager funny

 

Where were you hiding that cake, The Management?

Noob likes chocolate cake.  Noob will root for KC.

B.  Washington Spirit vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL

In 2 Corinthians, Paul writes of a thorn in his flesh.  Three times he prayed for its removal.  Each time, the Lord told him His grace would be sufficient instead.

Noob’s not quite sure how this can fit here, but I will say Washington needs to pray here.  The Capitol gals finished in last in 2017.  Just three games in this year they are better.  But they aren’t playing any defense, and that’s not going to bode well against the defending champs.

RESULT   1-1

Image result for holy letter B

 

 

Number B,. any chance that Holy Spirit-dove is Washington’s mascot?

  1. Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX

Two matches two go in the Clausura (second half-season).  America sit in 3rd, and are all but mathematically guaranteed a Liguilla slot, top-eight finish.

Puebla are in 13th – not out, but on life support.  Their GD isn’t all that bad, but their guests today are tied for the best defense in the league.   Must win for “The Sweet Potatoers”.     (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Puebla   3-1      Puebla pulls into a three-way tie for 9th, just a point behind the two teams tied for 8th

  1. Dijon vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

France’s slip in the UEFA rankings this year means they only get three Champions League invites now.  This has Lyon sweating bullets.  They’re tied for 3rd with Marseille.  Dijon shouldn’t present a problem today, except that the game is there.  One never knows what the road may bring.    (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Lyon   2-5

Image result for mustard problem

 

 

 

Lies!  Clearly there is a problem related to mustard.

  1. Connah’s Quay vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier

It’s #B vs. #1!   That’s always eye-catching for Noob, even if The New Saints have already claimed the league title.  TNS score close to twice as much as anyone else, but will they be motivated now?

CQ are in position to get the only automatic Europa League berth here, but only lead Bangor City by three in the table.

RESULT:   TNS   1-3

  1. Millwall vs. Fulham – English Championship League

This may only be second-tier football, but this league has ranked as high as 14th before in the overall UEFA rankings.  And this match should be a doozy.

Millwall are in 6th, with competition hot on their heels for that last spot in the Promotion Playoffs.  Fulham are in 3rd and guaranteed at least a PP spot already.  But they’re also only a point behind #B Cardiff City.  If they can pass them, they’ll be automatically moved up to Premier League.

RESULT:   Fulham   0-3     Fulham climb to #B by two points, though one must note they’ve played two more matches than #3 Cardiff.  

Image result for hot british heels

 

“Hot on their heels”.  English Sexy Pointed Toe Shoes.

Not bad, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.  But find some better ankles next time.

  1. Braga vs. Maritimo – Primeira Liga

Portugal’s is the highest-ranked league (#7) to only get two Champions League slots.  This means Braga has work to do.  They’re in 4th, six points behind #B Benfica.  Maritimo are tied for 5th, but they’re merely playing to be the best of the rest.  Big gap between the top four and all others here.

RESULT:   Braga   2-0     Braga move into a tie for 3rd.  They’ve played one more match than Sporting CP with whom they’re tied though.

  1. Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Kayserispor – Turkey Super Lig

A reminder:  This is a top 10 league in Europe.  We pay attention.

Galatasaray – 60, Besiktas 59, Istanbul 59.  Fenerbahce 57.  Say hello to the most dramatic league finish coming.  Five matches remain for everyone.  Just two will make CL.

I.B. are better on both sides of the ball than the #6 visitors today, should take care of business.  Kayser aren’t playing for any Euro-postseason.

RESULT:   Istanbul   3-1   I.B. move into 1st.  They’ve played one more match than the teams right behind them though.

Image result for giant turkey leg

 

 

Um, Dan the Intern-o Inferno?  Turkey Super Lig.  LIG.

Cute though.

  1. Reims vs. AC Ajaccio – Ligue 2

Congrats, Ligue 2!  Noob had a Paraguayan game scouted for this slot today, but Independiente fell out of the top quarter of their league.  Denied!

France’s second division automatically promotes two to Ligue 1 annually.  Reims are #1 and they’re unlikely to be caught now.  ACA are #3.  That’s good to make the league’s Promotion Playoffs, but they’re also just a point behind #B Nimes.

RESULT:   Reims   1-0

  1. Melbourne City vs. Brisbane Roar – Australia A-League

More denial!  Noob had an Algerian Ligue 1 match all lined up, but Hussein Day fell off the radar like Independiente.

Instead, we finish our globetrotting Down Under.  It’s the Playoffs!  The top two regular season finishers are getting byes.  Four more face off in Knockout matches to see who plays the league leaders.

Melbourne City finished third, Brisbane 6th.  Noob has confirmed that the Playoff champions – not the regular season champion – gets an Asian Champions League invite.  While not confirmed, Noob assumes the loser of the Playoff final will get the other invite.

RESULT:   Melbourne City   2-0

Image result for denied funny

 

 

 

Good thing this makes sense.

’10 to Track’ for Globetrotting Friday (4/13) – from Liga MX to…Macau?

Noob is travelling 600 miles for a wedding this weekend.  Yet how many frequent miles are we going to collect trotting the globe for our footyball fix today?   So, so many more.

We start the Ten today close to home, then flit away to soccer hinterlands!

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. LAFC – MLS

So far it looks like MLS’ one expansion team this season – LAFC – is fortunate to be a Western Conference club.  The East looks much stronger.  Still, being a shiny new team and having made the biggest signing of the season gets their game the #1 slot in today’s Track.

Despite finishing 3rd in their conference last season, Vancouver looked merely average last season.  This season the number seems similar, yet there they are in #B (though it’s early).

RESULT:   LAFC   0-2

B.  Philadelphia Union vs. Orlando City – MLS

Your MLS undercard is two teams that didn’t make the playoffs last year.   Orlando, at least, are playing better this young season, in the top six.  Philly isn’t scoring or allowing much, and the strategy isn’t working for them so far.

But remember!  The most important thing is to never, ever root for a Swamp City team.  Looking at you, Orlando.  In the words of the philosophy’s founder, The Management: “Orlando is a giant strip mall raised out of the swamp by a bunch of mice-men.”

We look forward to your comments, central Floridians!  (8:00 PM, ESPN)

RESULT:   Orlando   0-2

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Get to higher ground – like Georgia.  Can root for Atlanta Utd. then at least.

  1. Tijuana vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX

Guadalajara just advanced to the CONCACAF Champions League final a couple nights ago.  Yet they’re only in 15th in Liga MX.  While only three points out of eighth and a postseason playoff (Liguilla) berth, they just have too many teams to jump in their last three matches.

Tijuana are in a three-way tie for 7th.  They’re the best of those three.  Plus, it will be interesting to see of the Quad Squad doesn’t rotate some back-ups in, save up for the first leg of the CCL Final in four days.  (10:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Tijuana   3-0

  1. Hamrun Spartans vs. Lija Athletic – Malta Premier

Historically strategic militarily?  You betcha!  Soccer powerhouse?   Well… the league ranks 47 out of 55 in Europe.  Yet this is why we trot the globe.

Malta’s top league has been dominated by three teams through the years.   These ain’t them.  Hamrun are a middling team.  Lija will be trotting back down to the country’s second division forthwith.  They’ve won just one game all season.

Fun Fact:  Longtime Spartan Stefan Sultana is the league’s all-time leading scorer, with 252 goals.

RESULT:   1-1

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His stare and jawline are responsible for 159 of the goals.

  1. Gjilani vs. Feronikeli – Kosovo Super League

Kosovo’s is UEFA’s newest league.   They rank last, technically because they just haven’t accumulated any international play-points.  It’s still probably realistic.  Let’s get to know the new neighbors!

Drita lead the league.  While not running away with it, they’re only very close competition is Prishtina, which is the best club from the former Yugoslavian league to play in Kosovo’s.  These two featured today are 7th and 5th-place.

Fun Facts:  The city Gjilan has a pop. of over 50,000 and over 90,000 in the municipality.  Their stadium seats an impressive 10,000.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Ismaily vs. Al Masry – Egypt Premier

Africa’s highest-ranked league sports a fine matchup today.  #B hosts #4 in a battle for the league’s second CAF Champions League berth.  (Historic powerhouse Al Ahly has already claimed 1st place).

Ismaily is eight points up on their guests, but only six up on the team in between.  They’ve not lost since mid-February.  Al Masry has only lost twice since 2018 began.

RESULT:     ppd

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One of Ismaily’s club nicknames is “The Mango”.

Maybe not the Chris Kattan-Mango…

  1. Al Anwar vs. Al Hilal – Libya Premier

Libya’s top league is ranked 14th, and that’s not awful.  The top dozen earn two invites to CL.  The league is divided into four Groups for much of the season.  The winners of each will play off to determine who earns berths into CL and Confederation Cup (Africa’s version of Europa League).

They’re only a few games into their season, but Hilal are #B and just three points out of 1st.  Anwar is 4th, doesn’t seem to score enough to look like a threat.

  1. Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Shangahi Shenhua – Chinese Super League

Time for Asia’s #1 league!   The season there is just five games old.   Last year’s champ, Evergrande, is #B.  Shenhua is an interesting case.  They only finished 11th last year, yet won the country’s FA Cup.  Currently they are in 4th.

RESULT:   2-2

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  1. Tak Chun Ka I vs. CPK – Macau Liga de Elite

Macau is a tiny little city near Hong Kong, an autonomous region in and of China.  Well, tiny in geographic size.  It’s 650,000 residents make it the most densely-populated place in the world.  Their league is ranked #35 out of 46 in Asia.  These are the #5 and #B teams in their young season.

Fun Fact:  Ka I won the league three straight years, 2012-14.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Safa vs. Al Akhaa Al Ahli – Lebanon Premier

We finish the Track with the #21 league in Asia.  These two are 3rd and 4th-place, respectively.  They’re both way behind the top two in the table.

Fun Fact:  Safa are the club supported by the Druze ethno-religious of the country.  Theirs is a faith that descents from a branch of Islam, though is not generally thought of as Islamic.

RESULT:    AAAA   1-2

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A flowchart from druzenet