Tag: Number B

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/15) – the most footyball ever covered on Noob

“The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game”.  Oh ho, Noob’s cheating today.

The list of the previews-proper are still ten   But we’re directly acknowledging three times as many Track-worthy matches today!

Gorge, Noobites.  Feeeast!!

  1. Portland Thorns vs. Seattle Reign – National Women’s Soccer League Playoffs

At last, the postseason!  These are the #B and #3 seeds of the four teams participating.

In their last match of the regular season, Portland beat Seattle to secure their runner-up status.  Their reward is getting to host today’s one-off.  There will be no return trip to Seattle.  The other two times they met in 2018, the matches were in Seattle, which won them both.

Portland is the more offensively-minded group by far, will look to push the pace hard.  The most likely names to see pairing up for scores are Lindsey Horan and Tobin Heath, second and first in league goals and assists, respectively.

For Seattle, their defensive player of the year Rebekah Scott will have her hands full.   She plays outside back, a position from which she can often feed their offensive threat, Megan Rapinoe.  Noob’s not sure she’ll be anything but pinned back on defense today though.   (3:00 PM EST, Lifetime)

RESULT:   Portland   2-1       Horan and Heath each scored.  

B.  FC Dallas vs. Columbus Crew – Major League Soccer

This is just one of three Track-worthy MLS matches on the day.  Noob’s highlighting this one for a couple reasons.

First – Dallas are still #1 in the Western Conference, having wrested the spot away from Kansas City midseason.  Surprising – their play has been incredibly spotty.  They just had a nice home win over rivals Houston last match, yet have lost twice to San Jose since August.  (The ‘Quakes can’t beat almost anyone else.  Ever.)  The offense and defense both come and go.

Second – how much longer will Noob get to type “Columbus Crew” without it being an historical reference?  Their ownership moving them to Austin is hardly a done deal, but it remains a likelihood.

As for their current season, they’re #4 in the East with plenty of table-space above and below.  They just got a big confidence boost taking down #3 NYCFC.  Noob wonders if they might night find today’s a trap game of sorts.    (8:00 PM, ESPN+)

Other MLS matches:   *Philadelphia Union vs. Montreal Impact – The East’s #5 and #6 fight to stay there, the conference’s final playoff spots;  *Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Seattle Sounders – the West’s #6 and #7, separated by one little point in the table.  Seattle have won eight straight.

Image result for bbb

 

Yes, Number B.  You got to feature three matches.

And so three of you.  Well-done.

  1. CF America vs. Monarcas Morelia – Liga MX

It warms the cockles of a Noob-heart to see Morelia struggling.   While I feel far more strongly anti-royalty with American-named clubs than Mexico, there’s still no kings and queens in N.A.  Foolishness!  Go, CFA!

Club America are in a four-way tie for 3rd place at nearly the halfway point here in the Apertura (first half-season).  They’re the strongest of them, too, in goal differential and INHO.  They’d been struggling a touch, but a trip to lowly Lobos BUAP was just what was needed last match (0-2 win).

Morelia hasn’t won in a month.  Their defense makes the sad.   (8:00 PM, Univision)

Other Mexican matches of note:   *Pumas UNAM vs. Tijuana  — in Liga MX Femenil, Pumas are #4 in their Group.  Top two from each will make the playoffs.  They’re in the mix, but the least of the best there.   Tijuana are in 6th;   Zacatecas vs. Atlante – second-division Ascenso MX #1 and #3.

RESULT:   CF America   2-1

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Credit to Dan – the former Intern-o Inferno – for showing us just how lowly BUAP truly is.

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Liverpool – English Premier League

Last year’s #3 and #4 face off.

Liverpool have won all four of their early matches this season, though the toughest team they’ve faced is probably Leicester (meh).   Hotspur thrashed Man Utd – on the road, no less – then turned right around and threw it away with a loss to Watford.  They’re both likely to be in the title chase for a while, contend for top-four finishes, Champions League berths.

Since it’s a new season, allow Noob to explain to less-tenured Noobites about the strikethrough.   Tottenham Hotspur is named for Harry “Hotspur” Percy.  He was an historic traitor, flipflopping multiple times with his loyalties.  He was a scalawag and ne’er-do-well and Noob will carry no truck with such!

Good thing that didn’t get weird at the end…   (7:30 AM, NBCSN)\

RESULT:   Liverpool   1-2

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Shewsbury – the site of Percy’s death by arrow – is hallowed ground 

  1. 1 de Agosto vs. TP Mazembe – CAF Champions League

This is the first leg of a Quarterfinal tie.

Angola’s representative host first.   Their domestic league is on the rise, looks to jump from 17th to a top-10 spot in the African rankings next year.  TP Mazembe plays out of DR Congo’s top league, #3-best in Africa.  1dG would be doing well to get a draw at home.  To have a chance at advancing, they’ll have to.

Today’s other QF:   Esperance vs. Etoile du Sahel – Tunisia’s two best clubs face off.  They don’t keep them apart in the draws there I guess.  They’re both a lot better than the two featured teams above.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. FC Olexandria vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – Ukraine Premier

Ukraine’s top flight have climbed to #8 among domestic league in Europe.  Noobites should know something about this bunch.  We feature matches from their frequently.

And so, welcome to the Track, FCO!   Almost 100% sure this is the first time they’ve been featured.   They were mid-table all last season.  Seven matches into 2018-19, they’re #B.  But the current and historic #1 comes to town today to test their mettle.    Shakhtar average 2.5 goals a match, roughly.

Other top #1-#B UEFA matchups:  *Slovan Bratislava vs. Dunajska Streda — #1 hosts #B in what should be a shootout in Slovakia’s Super Liga;  Ferencvaros vs. Budapest Honved — #1 hosts #B in the Hungarian NB 1.  Honved will try and slow down the only team in the league averaging over two goals per match.

RESULT:   Donetsk   0-2

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No, FC Olexandria – Noob applauds YOU for being Track-worthy

  1. Stjarnan vs. Breioablik – Iceland FA Cup

Their league might not be even as highly-rated as the honorable mentions in Track match #6, but Noob’s always down for a Cup Final!

A question plaguing Noob is:  how much do these clubs care about the FA Cup?   It can be legitimately asked anywhere, at least by those of us who are truly noob.  Nowhere have I heard or read thy’re considered anything but a moderate to distant second in importance to the league title.

It’s especially relevant here, as Iceland’s Urvalsdeild league gets only one Champions League invite and these two are #B and #3.  Stjarnan, in fact, is just a point behind league-leaders Valur.  Will they play all starters in pursuit of this trophy, or save energy for the home stretch of their league season?

Today’s championship match is at the National Stadium in Reykjavik.  If they’re both playing full strength, Stjarnan have to be considered at last a 3:2 fave to win in regulation.

RESULT:   Stjarnan   0-0  /  4-1   pens

  1. Santa Gema vs. Independiente – Panama Football League

Noob’s been making a concerted effort here during the second year of this site to pay greater attention to all CONCACAF leagues.  And #1-#B matches shine like the sun.   This is one!

If the current pattern holds, this league is going to have one heckuva title race in 2018-19.   They’re just a few matches in, but good golly these teams end their matches in lots of draws!   Noob’s not sure if the league as a whole lacks offensive talent or if the general strategy employed there is defense.  Either way, they don’t see a ton of goals.

Saint Gema are the only undefeated team remaining, but have won just four of seven.  Independiente trail them by three points in the table.

RESULT:   Independiente    0-2       And we have a new #1!

The other #1-#B CONCACAF matchup:  *Fruta Conquerors vs. Guyana Defense Force – Guyana’s GFF Elite League – The Conquerors have an outrageous 48-5 GD.  Still, halfway through the season, they lead GDF by just five in the table.

Image result for pay attention soccer funny

 

Noob just said CONCACAF leagues are getting more attention here.  

Warning unwarranted.

  1. Kawasaki Frontale vs. Consadole Sapporo – Japan J1 League

The defending champs from Kawasaki are #B now, 2/3 of the way through the 2018 season.  Even so, they’re way off Hiroshima’s pace.

Sapporo were below mid-table last year, have improved mightily to be the current #4.  Last season, that would’ve been good enough to get them into the AFC Champions League.  Not this year.  Just the top three now.

Noob’s uncertain if the AFC is distributing more bids to lower-ranked countries’ leagues now, or if J1 League lost a slot due to a drop in confederation ranking.  Regardless, Sapporo need to play far better defense if they want to be in any postseason discussion.

RESULT:   Kawasaki   7-0    not a typo

Before we hit #10, Noob’s including some Honorable Mention matches.  Every one one of them involves two teams in the top quarter (or top three) of their leagues (at least as of five days ago), or there are specific playoff implications:

*USL – conference #2 Pittsburgh Riverhounds vs. #4 Louisville FC, plus #6 Swope Park Rangers vs. #9 Saint Louis FC;  Poland Ekstraklasa — Wisla Krakow vs. Lechia Gdansik was a #1 vs. #B when scouted a few days ago, but two teams which have played an extra match leapfrogged W.K.;  English Football Championship — #6 Bristol City and #3 Sheffield United would be in the second-divisions Promotion playoff tournament were the season over today.

Belgium First Division A — #B Genk vs. #3 Anderlecht;  Norway Eliteserien – #B FK Haugesund vs. #3 Brann;  Belarus Premier – #4 Shakhtyor Soligorsk vs. #3 Dinamo Minsk;  Slovenia Prva Liga — #B Aluminij vs. #3 Gorica;  Uruguay Primera – #B Nacional vs. #3 Montevideo Wanderers; two other Cup tournaments in early action include Portugal’s Taca de Liga and the Swiss FA Cup.

  1. Maldives vs. India – SAFF Championship

The Final!

Asia’s continental football confederation also has several sub-associations.  The South Asian Football Federation holds a Championship every other year.  It’s a standalone event for the current seven member nations, meaning it has no effect on qualifying for any other tournaments.

These are national teams that just aren’t going to see much of any success in most any other field of play.  Three of the seven are in the bottom ten in all Asia.  Two are the very bottom.  Our Finalists are the most-highly ranked in the world, just #150 and #96.  India would be even better, but.  You know.  Cricket.

RESULT:   Maldives   2-1    Upset city!

Image result for Dhaka weirdThey’ve been hosting this tournament Dhaka, Blangadesh.

Come back, Bear Grylls!

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday (9/10) soccer matches – Embrace the sadness!

With schedules lighter around the world on Mondays, Noob starts your workweek with a bunch o’ matches featuring clubs about to get Relegated.

Let’s get to know them before they are dropped into oblivion!

First, a few matches of happier import.

  1. Portugal vs. Italy – UEFA Nations League

Please scroll down to the most recent Midweek Edition for more details on this event.

At #21, Noob understands this is the lowest Italy has been in the FIFA rankings since they started putting them out.  They have a youth-heavy roster now as they rebuild.  Portugal are #7 in the world.

Italy drew with Poland in their first and only match so far.  This is the first match for Portugal, who Noob likes easily by a goal today.   (2:45 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Portugal   1-0

B.  St. Kitts and Nevis vs. Puerto Rico – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Again, head down to the Midweek for more event details.

Noob is mildly surprised to find that SKnN are more highly-ranked than Puerto Rico.  They are #135 and #173.  I’d favor the home team here even were this at a neutral site.   First match of the event for both teams.

RESULT:   SKN   1-0

Image result for letter B surprise

 

 

 

The real surprise is that Number B is displacing Number Two.

Get on the train.

  1. Morelia vs. Queretaro – Liga MX Femenil

Only the top two from each of this league Group’s make the postseason.  These two are #6 and #5.  Neither side is likely to crack the top three even.

This is a quirky matchup.  Queretaro don’t score much at all, but don’t give up tons and tons.  That Queretaro score nearly twice as often isn’t even impressive, and that they give have far and away the Group’s worst defense.

RESULT:   Queretaro   1-2

  1. Gambia vs. Togo – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

Groups of four.  Top two from each make the Cup.

The surprise two matches into this Group is Benin.  They’re tied with favorite Algeria at four table points each.  Gambia and Togo have just one each.  But they play six each, so there’s a ways Togo.  Still, a loss for either of these two might mean lights out.

FIFA ranks them as #172 and #124.  Togo by a goal on the road today.

RESULT:     no score found           Different sources Noob uses indicate either the game really was slated as yesterday but report no score, or that it’s next month.   

Image result for Benin surprise

 

 

Surprise!!

 

\

And now, bad teams!  Wheeee!

  1. Guayaquil City vs. Independiente del Valle – Ecuador Serie A

Here in the Second Stage of Ecuador’s season, these two are last and second-to-last place.  IdV did well enough in the First Stage that they are not in the bottom two in the season’s aggregate table.  Those two will be Relegated.

QC, however, are last place everywhere you can look.  Noob doesn’t think they can do better than a draw at home today.  Based on GD, de Valle remain a mid-table team probably.

Fun Fact:   Guayquil is home to other top-division clubs — Emelec and Barcelona SC.

RESULT:     ppd

  1. Merreikh Kosti vs. Merreikh Nyala – Sudan Premier

Don’t you quit on Sudan, Noobites!   This is the #7-ranked domestic league in Africa and they consistently love them some Monday matches.

The bottom ten teams are playing in their own Relegation subdivision here in the last part of the regular season.  Four will be automatically dropped.  Last-place Nyala will be one of them, plain and simple.

Kosti play enough defense that from 8th place, they can see murky daylight.  Noob says “murky”, because even if they climb above the auto-cutline, they next two teams in the table will have to play in a Relegation Playout match.

RESULT:     ppd

Image result for Mahdist

 

 

Kosti the town was founded by Greeks at the start of the 20 C.

This was not many years after the native Mahdist regime had been overthrown by Anglos and Egyptians.

  1. Universitatea Cluj vs. Aerostar Bacau – Romania Liga II

With the premier-level leagues in much of the Western World on international break, we delve down a tier in some countries for more Matches of Suckitude.

Bacau are in dead last.  But it’s very early in the season.   If their offense can improve some without sacrificing their mediocre defense, they can climb some in the table.  Can they climb five spots and avoid getting The Boot?  Dubious.

U. Cluj give up very few goals, but they pack it in on D and don’t score much themselves. Midtable and unlikely to climb with that style of play.

RESULT:   U. Cluj   3-2

Fun Fact.  Well, Sort Of:   Bacau went bankrupt in 1993-4, reformed in ’95.

8.  Borac Cacak vs. Sindelic Beograd – Serbia Prva Liga

They’re also only a few matches into the season here in Serbia’s second tier.   Four will get Dropped in a few months.

Right now, Cacak are tied for 12th, right on the line. But so far they’ve displayed the worst offense in the league, so don’t look for them to get out of trouble any time soon.  S.B. are in 5th, another one of these small-ball teams.  Score little, try to give up even less.

RESULT:   1-1

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Borac Cacak are “The Zebras”

  1. Elva vs. Tartu Santos – Estonia Esiliiga A

Oh, sweet double I’s.  You will never lose your luster to Noob!   That Esiliiga is second-division ball doesn’t mar your shine at all.

Here, two teams will be automatically dropped.  Tartu Santos are just above that line, in 8th, yet not at all out of direct danger.  If they stay there, they’ll have to play a third-tier team for the right to stay in A.

With their subpar defense, Noob would consider them at home no better than an even match for midtable Elva.  And this is at Elva.

Fun Fact:  Tartu the town boasts a professional handball team.  It plays in the second division of pro ball in the country.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. KTP vs. Klubi-04 – Finland Ykkonen

We finish our weekly Track of Sadness with a second northern European league, where the seasons are nearing their ends.

Klubi-04 is at the table bottom, deep, and two will get Relegated.  They’re the only ones who aren’t averaging even a goal per match.  KTP are in 7th, and score very little more than their guests.   This would be a terrible slog of a match to watch.

Fun Fact:   Klubi-o4 are the reserve team for HJK, the best club in all Finland.

RESULT:   Klubi-04   1-3    After a couple weeks without, we have a Relegation Monday miracle!

They’re still in last.  Still sport the worst GD in the league by over 50%.   But that just makes the win all the more miraculous.

Image result for Helsinki weird

 

So long from Helsinki, home of Klubi-o4!

Kamppi Chapel, “The Chapel of Silence”

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – USWNT leads the way

The Midweek Edition Track finishes with two more matches for Thursday.

There’s not much in the way of preview for the matches proper.  But you’ll learn about two brand spanking new tournaments themselves.  Enough to get you through high-end water cooler-level chat.

Thursday

  1. Germany vs. France – UEFA Nations League

“Nations League.   Here I thought I was really starting to know club and national team football around the globe.   But I’ve never heard of this league!   You have failed all Noobites.  You are a scalawag, cretinous yahoo, ne’er-do-well.  You are declared outlaw!”

Outlaw as adjective originally meant living outside the law.  People could do anything to you with no consequences, including murdering you.  So why don’t we hold up and give ol’ Noober a chance to explain.

Perhaps I should’ve mentioned this tournament before, given you a heads up.  This is a new biennial tournament.  All 55 member teams of UEFA have been divided into four leagues, based on their UEFA rankings (as of pre-2018 World Cup Group Stage).  Those leagues, in turn, are subdivided into four smaller groups.  Within each Group, they’ll play standard home-and-away double-round robin format.

Example:   League A is the top 12 teams in UEFA.  The four Groups within League A are relatively even cross-sections in terms of ranking.

The Group Stage games are now through November.  The winners of each Group in League A will play for the Nations League championship.  That bracketed stage will be in June of next year, location TBD.

Leagues B, C, and D will not have their own bracketed championships.  Their journeys end with the Group matches.  However, the Group winners get Promoted to the next highest League for the next incarnation of this tournament in two years.  The poorest Group performers are Relegated in turn.

The Perceived Good:   This event is largely replacing intra-European “friendlies”, provide more competitive matches.  Also, this event will serve as another qualifying means for national teams to make the 2020 European Championships.  It’s an extra chance for smaller/weaker teams to perhaps get in.

The Critique:  This is an extra chance for smaller/weaker teams to qualify for the 2020 European Championships.

Noob’s not going to delve into the particulars of this event as qualifier for the Euros.  There are other sites for that.  The self-assigned job here is to make you aware of basics.  So go, be free!   Use your Google machine powers to learn finer details.  Noob will, too, in time.

Today’s Track’ed Match: 

Germany and defending World Cup champions France are UEFA-ranked 4th and 5th, respectively, as of today.   Noob phrases is that way because UEFA used the rankings as of right before World Cup Group Stage began to seed all the teams for this event.  These two were 1st and 5th-ranked at that time.

Either way it’s two of the best teams in the world.  Though yes, Germany struggled at WC.  Here stateside, we can watch it on Univision Deportes at 2:45 PM EST with great joy.

Hopefully this spares Noob a mob lynching, you rascally animals.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Dominica vs. Suriname – 2019-20 CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Yup!   This tournament is new, too.   It doesn’t truly start until next year.  This is a qualifying tournament.  As such, Noob will keep things even simpler about the whole thing for now.

The top six-ranked national teams in CONCACAF have already automatically qualified for actual Nations League next year.

34 of the 35 other member nations’ teams play in this qualification event (Guatemala are nawtee, suspended).  They are divided into four Pots, based on rankings.  Each team will play four matches, two home and two away.  Each team will play one match against a team from each Pot.

All the teams’ results will be in just one aggregate table.  The top six finishers will qualify for Nations League A, joining the six teams that auto-qualified, as mentioned earlier.  The other teams will be divided in half, into League B and League C.

(The CONCACAF Nations League is a qualifying event of its own, putting teams into something called CONCACAF Gold Cup, which in turn qualifies teams for the FIFA Confederations Cup.  Interestingly, the top ten finishers from this qualification event being played now automatically qualify for Gold Cup regardless of how they do in Nations League.  Oy veh.)

Today’s Track’ed Match:

These two are ranked 25th (Pot C) and 12th (Pot B) in CONCACAF.  They’re #177 and #153 in all FIFA.  Should be a pretty even matchup since is in Dominca.

The match is actually being held in Guadeloupe, not Dominica.  Curious.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Les Abymes

 

 

So long from Les Abymes, Point au Pitre, Guadeloupe!

 

Wednesday

  1. NYCFC vs. New England – Major League Soccer

NYCYC have won just once their last six outings.  They’re settling into the #3 seed in the East as the regular season approaches its final stretch.

New England now sit in 8th, five points out of the sixth and final playoff berth in their conference.  That they can still even smell the postseason as a mathematical possibility is a testament to how improved they’d appeared in the season’s first half.  They just got a draw at home against a solid Portland side, but that’s now nine straight matches and no victories.

NYCFC will be missing goal-scoring leader Ismael Tajouri-Shradi.   He’s on international duty this week, as are several of his club teammates.  He is Libyan by birth, but Noob presumes is with the Austrian national team now, as he holds citizenship there.   (7:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Revs   0-1

Image result for football international duty funny

 

 

Speaking of international duty, did this mascot-guy just get vomited out after finally agreeing to go to Ninevah?

  1. Oaxaca vs. Morelia – Copa MX

Noobites can find a bit about the format below in the Tuesday Copa match mini-preview.

Guadalajara has already advanced as this Group’s winner, with ease.

Liga MX side Morelia lead the Ascenso’s Oaxaca by two points in the table.  Morelia only need a draw to finish #B in the table, but only a draw almost certainly still leaves them out of the next Round.  Even a win for Oaxaca probably leaves them among the bottom two Group runners-up and out of this tournament.

Both sides have been scuffling in their respective league seasons, sitting midtable.  Morelia likely takes this one by a goal on the road.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1      And with that, both teams are eliminated.

  1. Indy Eleven vs. NYRB II – United Soccer League

Former NASL-side Indy are tied for 5th in the East, two points up on NYRB.   The top eight from each conference make the Postseason.

Indy doesn’t score much, have stayed afloat with a lot of draws.  Red Bulls’ reserve squad have even more draws.  That’s surprising, given that they play such a wide-open style, eschewing defense almost entirely.

RESULT:   Indy   3-0       Evgeni Starikov with two goals, and Indy climbs to 4th place.

 

Is it just Noob, or does this look like an entrance to kinda nowhere?

  1. Internacional vs. Flamengo – Brazil Serie A

It’s #B and #3 in South America’s best domestic league!

Internacional trail only Gremio in defensive prowess, haven’t allowed a goal in seven consecutive matches.  That said, they’ve only achieved draws in their last two games.

Flamengo are more balanced.  They’re coming off a sleepy home loss to newly-promoted, weak Ceara.   (8:00 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   Internacional   2-1       The winners now lead the entire league, while Flamengo drops to 4th place.

Tuesday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Chile – international friendly

Déjà vu all over again.  They played a few days ago, are now back to battle today.  Noob guesses Chile have been training in – perhaps even with – the USWNT.  The Americans won the first one 3-0 in Carson (L.A.).   Tonight, they play in San Jose.

Fun Fact:  The San Jose Earthquakes played a friendly last night against Chile’s children’s Special Olympic side and lost 0-14.   SJ were not sandbagging, by all accounts.

Pardon the interruption, this is The Management.  I apologize on behalf of Noob.  We’re not even sure they have Special Olympics in Chile.  Said friendly did not occur. 

And if it had, a more likely score would be 1-14.  The ‘Quakes wouldn’t get shut out completely at home.

*gasp*    The Management, throwing shade on San Jose!  Is Noob dreaming?   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN2)

RESULT:   USA   4-0       Carli Lloyd with a pair in the second half

B.  Chicago Red Stars vs. Sky Blue FC – National Women’s Soccer League

Three of the four Playoff teams are set.  Two regular season matches to go for #4 Chicago.   They’re two points up on Utah and Houston.

One of Noob’s primary sources indicates Houston is already eliminated though.  That feels unlikely, even given head-to-heads are the first tiebreaking criterion.

And since they’re playing winless Sky Blue, a Chicago result and postseason berth seem likely.

Aaaaand then they’ll get slaughtered by the world’s best women’s team, North Carolina Courage in the Playoffs.

RESULT:   Chicago   5-0       Alyssa Mautz with the first two goals

Image result for letter B horror

 

 

Number B, expressing the carnage that awaits Chicago or Utah in the postseason.

  1. Zacatecas vs. Queretaro – Copa MX

They’re also down to the last match in each of the three-team Groups in this opening stage of the Apertura (first half-season) Copa in Mexico.  All nine winners will advance, plus seven of the runners-up.

Second-division Clausura regular season champs Zacatecas trail Queretaro and Leon by three points.  So Los Mineros have to win today just to get tiebreakers into it.  Leon has played all their matches already, so three-way tie.  Go, Minnows!

Zacatecas are having trouble scoring, even as they win games so far this year in Ascenso MX.  Queretaro should be at least a one-goal favorite on the road today.  They’re near the top of the Liga MX table themselves.

RESULT:   Queretaro   1-2

  1. Netherlands vs. Norway – UEFA women’s World Cup qualification

The Group Stage is down to its last matches here, too.  The winners of all seven qualify for 2019 WC.  The four best runners-up will have a Playoff for one more berth.

In Group 3, these are your top two and no one else can catch them.  They’ve outscored opponents 21-0 and 0-3 and are FIFA-ranked #9 and #14, respectively.  Nothing appears guaranteed for whichever team finishes #B in the group.

Now, check out this mockumentary done by Norwegian women’s national team.  I’m sure is the current team, but regardless, this is priceless.

RESULT:   Norway   2-1     had the home/away mixed up

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – an exhausted Noob says “mea culpa” for late Tuesday entry

Note:  Match previews and the usual inanity are now UP through Thursday.   And for Noob’s mea culpa, I have included two bonus match-previews.  Oh ho, you’re so welcome, interwebs!

Noob is human.  And so this is the latest into a day of matches I’ve ever posted a mini-previews.  16 hours on the job last night, I just couldn’t hold thoughts together long enough in last  night’s wee hours.

But this is a reason only, never an excuse.  If you’re interested and kind enough to be here, then Noob has happy obligation.

There were some interesting CAF Champions League matches earlier in the day.  Activate your Google powers to see how the end of the Group Stage of that event turned out.   Noob will pass on “previewing” them after the fact, start today with a match just in progress as I write.

  1. Bayern Munich vs. Chicago Fire – international friendly

Bayern are one of the best clubs in the world.  Chicago have been a line of port-o’-potties conflagration all MLS season.

Noob’s perfectly confused as to why this match is happening and at this time of season for both.  Bundesliga is just beginning and Chicago aren’t hoping to play up to this level of competition and suddenly become competent.  If they are, they are fools.   Let us not suffer such gladly.

RESULT:   Bayern   4-0

Image result for dumpster fire funnyNoob originally wrote “dumpster Fire” for the pun.

Noobites, never travel in a straight line.  And never settle 🙂

B.  Reno 1868 vs. Las Vegas Lights – United Soccer League

El Clasico.  El Trafico.  The Hudson River Derby.   Meet “The Gamblers Anonymous Derby”.  Help Noob in getting this one to catch on.

How?  Oh, I’ve no idea.

Reno are fighting for their playoff lives -tied for 6th – in the Western Conference.  Top eight will get to the postseason.  Clubs are really clumped in this part of the table.  Neither team has won in their last four outings.

RESULT:   Reno   2-1       Reno with the game-winner at 90′

Image result for letter B cartoon

 

Don’t you turn your back on Noob, Number B.  I made you!

Just because you didn’t like my derby name idea.   But I’m hurt, not angry.

  1. Tigres UANL vs. Morelia – Liga MX Femenil

Mexico’s women’s league plays two separate divisions.  These two are #B and #6 in theirs.

UANL is an offensive sight to behold.  Here in the early season goings, they’re averaging three goals per match.  Meanwhile, Morelia haven’t even managed to average one per contest.

RESULT:   Tigres   4-0

Wednesday

  1. D.C. United vs. Philadelphia Union – Major League Soccer

Since all-time great English striker Wayne Rooney came over to D.C. well into the season, they’ve been climbing out of the basement of the Eastern Conference.  Now in 8th – two spots out of a playoff berth – they finally were beaten.  There’s no shame in losing to #B New York Red Bulls on the road.

Still, if United are to really make the postseason, they’re going to have to beat some actual playoff-caliber sides.  They didn’t have to over their win streak.  They get another shot at one today.

The Union are in 5th and achieved some space between themselves and Montreal and New England with a win against the latter last time out.  Those three are realistically the ones fighting for the East’s last two postseason slots.

Philly’s Jamaican keeper Andre Blake has led the team to two consecutive shutouts.  He’s been anything but consistent this season.  But if he can be now, Blake can lean on excellent right side of his back line and focus himself more on the left, they will make the Playoffs.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Philly   0-2       Charles Sapong with a goal and an assist

Image result for Andre Blake funny

 

“I beg of you, Noobites, how may I better keep goal and please you?”

  1. PAOK vs. Benfica – UEFA Champions League

Last year’s league runners-up meet for the second leg of their “Playoff Round” two-legged tie.  This is the last “qualification round” before the Group Stage, where the competition proper is said to really begin.

We Tracked the first match between this two.  PAOK went to Portugal, earned a 1-1 draw.  On paper, Benfica are the better side, coming from the stronger league.  But now they need to at least return the favor and earn a road draw of their own just to force penalty kicks.  And it can’t be just a scoreless draw, since PAOK scored at their place (away-goals being a tiebreaker).   (3:00 PM, Galavision)

RESULT:   Benfica   1-4

  1. Juarez vs. Toluca – Copa MX

The Apertura (first half-season) Cup tournament in Mexico chugs forward.  All the Liga MX teams and the ten best from the second-division Ascenso league have been playing double-Round Robins in their groups of three.  All the Group winners plus most of the runners-up will advance to the Knockout Stage.

Juarez are currently #B in the Ascenso, playing masterful defense.  This is their fourth and final match.  They’re unlikely to catch Tijuana and win the Group, but are very much alive to advance a a runner-up.

Toluca are in 8th in Liga MX right now.  The defense hasn’t been good, but the same has been true of nearly everyone there this season, strangely.  They’ve lost both their Copa Matches so far.  Still, if they wake up, they could storm back and advance as a runner-up.

Noob likes Juarez to kick the ball waaaaaay up into the air as early and often as possible, secure a low-scoring draw today.  That would eliminate Toluca.   (10:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   2-2      Amaury Escoto of Toluca with the match’s first and last goals.   The latter came at 90′, a few minutes after his team went down a man due to a red card.

  1. Jeonbuk vs. Suwon Bluewings – AFC Champions League

Fun Fact:   This is the second year in a row that the defending title-holders are not in the event.  Urawa Red Diamonds out of Japan did not qualify this year.  The year before, Jeonbuk were disqualified over match-fixing.  Nawteeeeee.

Today’s match if the first of a two-legged Quarterfinal tie.  Defending South Korean league champs Jeonbuk take on their league peers who finished in 3rd.  Jeonbuk have already mathematically wrapped up the 2018 league title as well.  Meanwhile, Suwon are in 4th, need a surge there to crack the top three and qualify for this event next year.

Noob thinks the home side today will win by two.  Anything short of that and it’s a moral victory for the Bluewings.

RESULT:   Suwon   0-3       Bluewings told Noob to stow it with talk of a moral victory – WOW!

Image result for The Situation abs

 

“Just say Urawa Red Diamonds and I’m -back-!

As #1 supporter and (unofficial) spokesman, it’s my job to jump out and point at my abs. 

I wish Urawa was better this year, getting Tracked.  I desire to remind people where the sushi still goes.”

The Situation, everyone!

  1. Barcelona SC vs. CSD Macara – Ecuador Serie A

Noob finished today’s portion of the Midweek Track with my addiction – #1 versus #B matchups!   It doesn’t matter that this isn’t Brazil or Argentina.  Top two-top flite matches – Noob wishes to mainline them.  Sweet, sweet footyball fixxxxxx.

In truth, it must be admitted Macara are unlikely to remain near the table’s top.  They’ve overachieved here early in the season, are really of just midtable ability.  That will become clearer today.  Barcelona are the best in the league on both sides of the ball.   (7:3o PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   1-1      Weird one.   Both teams lost players to red cards right at end of first half.

Image result for you can't handle the truth meme

 

 

Well, maybe not over Ecuadorian footyball.

 

Thursday

  1. Cuba vs. Bermuda – CONCACAF women’s World Cup qualification

Reminder:  This event is really the CONCACAF Women’s Championship.  It dually serves as WC quals.  And then they pass the savings on to YOU, Noobites.

Five teams from the Caribbean Zone survives the first round of qualifying, winning their pods.  Now those are battling in one single Group, out of which the top three will advance.  They’ll play a single round robin.  All matches are in Jamaica.

Cuba’s offense last stage was only exceeded by Trinidad and Tobago.  They’re in 3rd after two matches in this Round.   Bermuda’s only played once, an 0-4 loss to Jamaica. They didn’t exactly wow anyone last Round, with just a 6-4 GD.  Their FIFA rankings are #85 and #115, respectively.  Cuba should be favored by a goal at this neutral site affair.

RESULT:   Cuba   2-0

  1. Universitario vs. Herediano – CONCACAF League

Now we shift to the men’s game for our federation.  16 teams from the Central American and Caribbean zones play this knockout tournament to determine one entrant into the 2019 CONCACAF Champions League.

This is the second leg of a Quarterfinal match.  It shouldn’t be much of one, really.  Herediano out of Costa Rica should easily be a two-goal favorite, even on the road.  They won the first match 3-0.  Universitario aren’t even one of the ten best teams from Panama.

To give a sense of perspective, Herediano would be among the very favorites to win MLS.  Panamanian side Universitario might make the Playoffs.

The winner of this tie will advance to face Arabe Unido, the best team in Panama.

RESULT:   Herediano   1-2

Image result for perspective funny

 

 

 

Perspective is a funny thing.

  1. Sweden vs. Ukraine – UEFA women’s World Cup qualification

This is the Group Stage of a tournament to determine eight qualifiers for the 2019 World Cup.  And it’s nearly done.

The seven Group winners will all make WC.   The four best runners-up will then play a mini-tournament for one more invite.

With two matches to go, Sweden and Denmark are tied on points in the table, the former leading by just one in goal differential.  The runner-up from this bunch is likely to make the Playoff at least.   Ukraine are mathematically alive for possibly making the Playoff.  Barely.

These two are 11th and 24th-ranked by FIFA.    There’s less parity in the women’s game, so that’s a massive gulf.  Sweden will win, and by multiple goals wouldn’t be even a little surprising.

RESULT:   Sweden   3-0       And only because they let up after the half.

  1. Libertad vs. Boca Juniors – Copa Libertadores

South America’s Champions League is in it’s Round of 16.  Two-legged ties for everyone!

Seeding was based exclusively on Group Stage results.  Argentina’s Boca Juniors are #14, Libertad out of Paraguay #3.   But those numbers are misleading and then some.  Boca J won the first leg 2-0 at home.  And if today’s match were the first leg, Libertad would still be doing well do get a draw.

The winner of the tie will get one of two Brazilian teams, Cruziero or Flamengo.   (6:30 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:    Juniors   1-2

Image result for Asuncion weird

 

So long from Asuncion, Paraguay, home of Club Libertad!

Castillo Pindu

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (8/26) – the best of footyball, home and abroad!

Noob tends to get more than a bit silly covering and learning about soccer.

Noobstradamus, in-house prognosticator.  Always fighting with The Management.  Screaming about Tottenham Hotspur being named for an historic traitor.  Lamenting teams from cities built on Swamps.  The quest to displace Number Two with Number B in all lists…

But weekends, things get (comparatively) serious.   End your weekend relishing in the umami-like rich goodness of Sunday’s mini-previews.  You’ll laugh a little, you’ll learn more.

Please considered following Noob on twitter: SoccerNoobUSA.com, and remmeber to check back for match results.

  1. Portland Timbers vs. Seattle Sounders – Major League Soccer

Rivalry Week has saved one of it’s heartiest hate-matches for last.  On top of the intra-regional malice, there’s a lot at stake.

Six from each conference make the Playoffs.  Right now, Portland sits in 6th, just two points up on Seattle.

Please, Timbers, turn things around!  Long-tenured Noobites may recall that my first ever experience with a hardcore soccer fan was a college TA/Sounders bandwagon jumper.  I want that wagon to fall off a cliff!  Noob may not be stable or normal, but I am consistent and sincere.

The problem is, Seattle’s been playing extraordinary ball for two months, not having lost a match since late June.  No one’s scored twice on them over this period. Portland, meanwhile, has lost three straight games.  Two of those were against teams not likely to make the Playoffs themselves.  Timbers have conceded nine goals in those matches.

If Portland are to do as they should, they’ve got to get the heart of their defense right.  International centerback Larrys Mabiala has been épouvantable, while goalkeeper Jeff Attinella has been just as abysmal.   (9:30 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT:   Seattle   0-1

Image result for larrys Mabiala funny

 

Larry’s started believing he’s Keanu Reeves in “The Matrix”.

May be the issue.

B.  New York Red Bulls vs. D.C. United – Major League Soccer

English all-time great Wayne Rooney has been everything D.C. could’ve dreamt.  Since he’s arrived midseason, they’ve won five, drawn one, and lost no matches.  They’re still six points out of the six and final Playoff slot in the East, but are now 8th.  Given that they were in the basement for the entire first half of the season, that’s incredible.

The Red Bulls were playing like the league’s best team midsummer.  And they haven’t lost in their last four outings.  And they’re still #B in the conference.  Still, are they fading a tiny bit?  Road draws against NYCFC and non-playoff Vancouver are okay.  A workmanlike road win against awful Chicago is good enough, just.  A close home win over good-but-fading-themselves LAFC…

Maybe it’s just the road being hard.  Yes, Noob’s imagining NYRB’s imminent demise.   (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   NYRB   1-0

Image result for imagine letter BNumber B, doing some messed up reimagining of self.

Is it not enough to merely be usurping Number Two’s place?

  1. Newcastle vs. Chelsea – English Premier League

Last season, Newcastle surprised with a 10th-place finish, having just been Promoted from the second division.   But they’ve followed up on that so far.  A loss Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – even at home – is clearly forgivable.  The home, scoreless draw to just-Promoted Cardiff is less so.

Chelsea have won their first two against pedestrian competition.  After a disappointing 5th-place finish in defense of their previous league title, they won’t be sleeping on anyone.  Missing out on Champions League (top four get invites) will have that effect.   (11:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Chelsea   1-2

  1. Santos vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

What a gigante match!  #3 hosts the only undefeated remaining and #1.  They’ve scored 22 goals in their six matches.  This doesn’t guarantee a shootout though.  Cruz Azul have only allowed one.   (7:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for giant soccer ball

 

 

Gigante!!

Hey, no hands.   I don’t see you in-net.

  1. Cray Valley Paper Mills vs. Ashford Town – English FA Cup

It’s not so much that this individual math is “important” that it’s neat to know that the FA Cup has already begun.  The big-league clubs won’t enter the competition for some time.

In truth, teams from this far down the football pyramid are unlikely to get anywhere near the Round where the Premier League clubs start playing.  But who knows, maybe we’ll have a history-making Minnow!

CVPM play out of the 9th-tier Southern Counties East League (formerly known as “Kent League”), in which they finished 6th in the higher of its two divisions.  They’re from Eltham, which is in the Greenwich Borough (southeast greater London).

Ashford town finished 12th in the 8th-tier Southern League Division One last season.  This year, they’ve made a lateral move to the Isthmian League.  They’re from Stanwell – just northeast of greater London – in the Surrey area of Spelthorne Borough.

RESULT:   Cray Valley   4-1

  1. Marseille vs. Rennes – Ligue 1

The French top league is already three matches into their season, but this is the first one that’s featured two teams from the top quarter of last season’s table.  These two finished in 4th and 5th, meaning they were the best two to not get invites to Champions League.

At least Marseille only missed the CL berth by a point in the table.  There was a massive gulf in the table between them and Rennes.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for you are not invited

 

 

Would it make a difference if Noob and Rennes brought delicious scones?

 

  1. Jamaica vs. Antigua and Barbuda – women’s World Cup qualification (CONCACAF)

Reminder:  This is also the women’s CONCACAF Championship, doubling as qualification for next year’s WC.

This is the second round of Group Stage.  To get here, each had to win their previous group.   FIFA-ranked #133 A&B didn’t allow a goal in the previous stage’s three matches, but only scored five themselves.  #71 Jamaica, meanwhile, had a GD of 18-2.  Home team by a couple goals today, easily.

RESULT:   Jamaica   9-0         not a typo

  1. Dorados de Sinaloa vs. Correcaminos UAT – Ascenso MX

Welcome to the Track, Mexican second division!   Noob’s making a concerted effort to stay closer to home, with more CONCACAF/Western Hemisphere/North Amuricuhn matches than ever before.

Sinaloa are in 12th of 15 teams this Apertura (first-half season).  UAT are in 8th.   Noob sources are conflicted as to whether seven or eight team will qualify for the postseason Liguila, but either way, Correcaminos are right on that line.

Los Dorados have yet to win a match, but it’s early.  Noob thinks they will get a result at home today.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for welcome and fuck off

 

 

Yes, um, it’s Ascenso league coverage.

Do what now?

  1. Club Brugge vs. Anderlecht – Belgium First Division A

Club Brugge more or less ran away and hid from the pack over the regular season.  When it came time to play the last 10 matches in a Championship division, they fell back to earth a little, but still win the title.

Anderlecht went from second to third over that same stretch, seemingly having hit a wall, finishing those last ten matches with a negative GD even.  If they want to have a shot of their own at the hardware, they’ll have to have improved defense in 2018-19.  The were easily the worst in that regard of all the top clubs, and didn’t have offense that made up for it.

RESULT:   Brugge   2-1

  1. Qarabag vs. Neftchi – Azerbaijan Premier

We finish today’s Track in UEFA’s #23-ranked league.  Like most other European domestic leagues, they’re just getting started.

If you don’t already, get to know the name Qarabag.  They are the perennial power in here, easily the favorite to once again decimate all before them and get the league’s one CL berth.  Their offense is good.  They’re defense was about impenetrable.  They conceded less than a goal every other game on average last season.  Neftchi was 3rd.

RESULT:   1-1

 

So long from Baku, home of Qarabag!

Is that a Death Star they’re building or a seven-star hotel?

(Both!)

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (8/25) – MLS, NWSL, Noob’s fave Fighting Cherries

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Plenty of ‘Muricuh, North ‘Muricuh, Caribbean spice and then footyball flavors from the world over.   Savory.  Let’s eat.

  1. Philadelphia Union vs. New England Revolution – Major League Soccer

Hard to believe New England are still in the playoff hunt, just four points behind Philadelphia for 6th and the last postseason berth.  They haven’t won a match since June and have given up multiple goals every match but the first in this nasty streak of seven.

The Union, meanwhile, have won three in a row, including one that puts them in the Final for the US Open Cup next month.  The defense has been good, but the offense has been superb.  If the teams continue to trend as they have, this match could get out of hand in a hurry.

If New England hope to right the ship, Matt Turner’s got to get it together in goal.  But Noob thinks that the weak link in the back line has been on the right side.  Andrew Farrell was an all-star in 2016, but he’s playing like an all-stooge right now.   (7:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Philly   1-0       Statistically, Farrell and Turner were the second and third-worst defenders for either team today.

Image result for andrew farrell new england revolution funny

 

 

Somehow, Andrew just doesn’t look… ready.

B.  Seattle Reign vs. North Carolina Courage – National Women’s Soccer League

A quite probable preview of the postseason Final is on tonight for NWSL.   With two matches to go in the regular season, North Carolina has (long since) clinched the Supporters Shield and.   Seattle is also now guaranteed a playoff spot, #B in the standings, up four on Portland.

Noob thinks they’ll both play like this IS the playoffs, not rest many or any starters.  If so, Seattle is only an even match at best tonight, even at home.  NCC score nearly twice as much.

RESULT:   1-1     The Courage got the equalizer at 90′

Image result for BB

 

 

Twice the Number B?

What’s not to love?

  1. Monterrey vs. Morelia – Liga MX

Plain and simple, two of Mexico’s best face off tonight.  Everyone’s chasing Cruz Azul right now, but these two are #B and #4.  The story tonight might be Morelia’s defense.   Every win but their first has been by just one goal, with only one clean sheet over that stretch.   (10:06 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   2-2

  1. AFC Bournemouth vs. Everton – English Premier League

Noob tries not to play favorites in determining which matches are track-worthy.  But it truly looks like my Fighting Cherries hosting last year’s #8 in Everton is the best, most competitive British match o’ the day!

AFC finished in 12th, tied with a couple teams that had better GD’s, last season.  This year, they’re one of six clubs to have one their first two matches.  Everton are 1-1-0, and this is the sort of match they didn’t always win last year – and need to – if they want to climb even just one more notch in the table and get at least a Europa League berth.

RESULT:   2-2      What a wild one.  Everton went down a man just before the half, but took the lead in the second.   Then a Cherry got a red card and Everton scored again.  Two late-ish goals – including one from kit model-Josh King, earned AFCB the draw.

AFC Bournemouth home

 

 

Josh King, sporting the new AFCB kit

  1. Juventus vs. Lazio – Serie A

These are last year’s Italian champs and #5 finishers, respectively.  This could be one wild, woolly match.

Juventus now have the world’s best player, Cristiano Ronaldo.  They add him to what was already the best offense in the league, save one club.  And that one club was Lazio, though they scored very much at the expense of their defense.

Juventus barely beat lowly ChievoVerona 2-3 in their opening match, getting the game-winner in the 93’.  Lazio lost their first on the road at last season’s runner-up, Napoli.  Talk about your tough matches to start a year.   (12:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Juve   2-0

  1. Cuba vs. Trinidad and Tobago – women’s World Cup qualification

This is the CONCACAF Women’s Championship, dually serving as WC qualifying event.  The first qualifying group stage just concluded.  Five Groups of Caribbean national teams played, out of which only the winners advanced.

In this next qualifying round, those five all play in one pod.  Three will advance to the final round.  (Another pod of Central American teams also starts play at this round, out of which two will advance.)

Cuba is ranked just 85th  in the world, while T&T is 50th.  Cuba outscored opponents last round 22-3.  T&T surpassed even that, racking up a 27-1 to one margin (and still only advancing on tiebreaker!).

RESULT:   T&T   2-3

Image result for Trinidad and Tobago women's soccer 2018

 

 

T&T women’s national team

  1. Benfica vs. Sporting CP – Portugal Primeira Liga

Portugal’s top flite league has held steady in the UEFA rankings at #7.  That means they’re the best league that will still get only two Champions League berths.

Last season, Benfica got the second one, with Sporting just missing out in 3rd.  Benfica were a lot better on offense and Sporting’s equal on defense, more or less.  They’ve each one both their matches to start to the 2018-19 campaign.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – Japan J1 League

A 1-5 matchup in a league this size isn’t usually quite shiny enough to capture Noob’s wandering gaze.  But this site has its the Management and he is a Japanophile and must be appeased!

The top three will make the next AFC Champions League, and there’s a seven-point gap between 3rd and the rest with two thirds of the season in the books.  Hiroshima had a chance to practically wrap up the league title with a win their last match out, but current #B beat them on their own pitch.

C.Osaka statistically aren’t really much better than average, and so are probably just an even shot to win or draw at home today.

RESULT:   Hiroshima   0-1

Image result for management funny

 

 

Do you see, do you see what Noob must live with?

  1. Atletico Junior vs. Independiente Medellin – Colombia Primera A

In Colombia, the top eight (of 20) clubs will make the postseason tournament.  These two are part of a three-way tie for 3rd just a few matches into the Finalizacion (second half-season, same as a Clausura in other leagues).

You probably need a pretty deep satellite package to get RCN Tele Nuestre, but the match will be there at 9:00 PM.

RESULT:   Junior   2-1

  1. BATE Borisov vs. FK Vitebsk – Belarus Premier

Let’s end the Track with a 1 versus B-matchup!

Just over halfway through the season, BATE are up seven points in the table on both their guests today and Dinamo Minsk.  All three play about the same defense, but these two are a load better than D.Minsk on offense.  This will be a two-horse race soon enough.

RESULT:   1-1     BATE gets the equalizer right at 90′

Image result for Barysaw Belarus

 

 

So long from Borisov Stadium!

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – filtering the finest footyball beans for YOU

The soccer scheds are getting fuller, the Track’ed matches all the sweeter.

Tuesday’s matches are below Wednesday’s here now.  Thursday’s are coming soon.

Thursday

Houston Dynamo vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

10.  It’s hard to fathom that Houston could win the U.S. Open Cup.  They’re hosting the Final against Philly in late September.  A good thing they’ve put all their eggs in that basket, because their league basket is mildewy and coming unwoven.

They’re in 10th in the Western Conference after five straight league losses.  The competition’s been strong over that stretch, true.  But this is the big league and you’ve got to pick some points. Now they’re 10 points behind 6th place and the last playoff spot.  The Dynamo are cooked.  The offense is gone.

Dallas, meanwhile recovered from a two-game skid last time out with a W over Minnesota.  Good thing, too, as KC has won three straight and was looking prime to take 1st place back.   (9:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for HOuston weird

 

So long from the Art Car Parade in Houston!

(Don’t worry.  Noob knows it’s an atrocity.  The town was built on a swamp.  It will all sink into oblivion soon enough.)

Wednesday

  1. NYCFC vs. New York Red Bulls – Major League Soccer

#3 hosts #B in the Eastern Conference.  Both are almost certain to make the Playoffs (top 6 in each conf.).  But since the top two seeds will get a bye in the postseason, this edition if the Hudson River Derby is particularly important.

NYCFC just got ambushed in Philly, 0-2.  They’ve given up nine goals in their last four matches.  NYRB have been simply taking care of business this month, with results in their last three outings.  They’ve played one less match than The Blues – an advantage in the table, if not on the pitch today.

Sean Johnson hasn’t been helped by his back line much of late.  They’ve not leaned on the defense much all season, truth be told.  But the goalkeeper’s got to staunch this bleeding if they’re to stop this fade.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for sean johnson nycfc funny“I will hug it and squeeze it and call it George.”

(Random? Sure.  Does Noob care?  Not a whit!)

  1. Portland Thorns vs. Sky Blue FC – National Women’s Soccer League

Sky Blue have two draws in last three matches!

New Jersey’s last place NWSL club hasn’t had much to celebrate this season.  They still only have five points, half as many as second-to-last place Washington.  So they’ll take these little successes and run with them.

The Thorns are in 3rd with just three matches to go before the Postseason.  Four clubs are within four points of them in the table, so they shouldn’t be sleeping today.  A win today would all but guarantee them a top-four finish, which means playoffs.

RESULT:   Portland   2-1

Image result for Sky Blue FC funny

 

 

 

“If you go into their net more than ours -just this once- I’ll take you to the Shore.  Please??”

  1. Cruz Azul vs. Toluca – Liga MX

After making the Liguilla (postseason) in the 2017-18 Apertura (first half-season), they fell into the table depths in the Clausura.  They are back.  They’ve allowed just one lone goal in their five matches this new season.  No other team has conceded fewer than four.

But now they get their first tough test of the season.  Say hello to the last Clausura’s regular season champion.  Toluca is in 6th, but with their offense, they’ll rise.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Cruz Azul   1-0

  1. Young Boys of Bern vs. Dinamo Zagreb – UEFA Champions League

Switzerland’s and Croatia’s European league-rankings aren’t far apart – both in about the teens.  Still, YBB is only just now entering the competition.  (See Tuesday’s UEFA CL match below for Round details.)

D.Z. have had to advance through two rounds already.  They walloped a club from Israel and skunked one from Kazakhstan.

Based on the Elo ratings Noob uses, YBB would be favored even at a neutral site.  While I don’t think formal football gambling works this way, I would still take Dinamo if given a goal.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for soccer gambling funny

  1. Portland Timbers II vs. Orange County FC – United Soccer League

Given that the top eight in each conference of America’s second-tier league, these two are looking very good.

Portland’s reserve side has climbed to 5th in the West on the back of three straight high-offense victories.

The O.C. have also been getting goals like gangbusters, winning three in a row as well.  In fact, they haven’t lost since July 7 and have scored twice or more in all their contests.    Noob ends the Wednesday portion of the Midweek Track with what could look like a pinaball-ish score.

Tuesday

  1. Seattle Reign vs. Houston Dash – National Women’s Soccer League

Welcome to the only top-division match in America today.  This match is sneaky-important for both teams.

Seattle seem to have a firm grip on #B in the table with three matches to go, yet that four-point lead over the Portland only looks big because of how close the next several teams are to one another.

That’s where we find the Dash.  They’re tied for 6th, yet trail Chicago for the fourth and final Playoff berth by just two points.

Houston have scored six goals their last two matches, but Seattle maybe be more impressive of late on the other side.  The Reign haven’t conceded a goal their last three games.

RESULT:   Seattle   2-0

Image result for where did you go funny

 

 

Can’t find offense anywhere here!

(And no, Noob is not above using cute aminahl pictures to lure in readers.)

B.  UNAM Pumas vs. Queretaro – Liga MX

Noob would mock 12th-place UNAM without end for their lack of goal-scoring, but Atlas haven’t scored once this Apertura (first half-season).

Pumas are scoring twice a game on average, sit in 5th place.  But they scored all those goals the first couple games, haven’t found the back of the net in their last three outings.  Check this one out on ESPN Deportes at 8:00 PM to see if either can get on the board.

RESULT:   Queretaro   0-1

Image result for letter B wild animal

 

 

 

Sorry, Number B.

No B in “puma” anywhere.

  1. Benfica vs. PAOK – UEFA Champions League

They’ve reached the “Qualification Round” in Europe.  12 clubs paired off, the survivors of these two-legged ties all make the Group Stage.   That’s where the competition is considered to truly begin.

PAOK finished #B in Greece’s Superleague last season, had to make it through two Rounds already just to get this far.  They most recently beat Spartak Moscow.

Benfica also finished #B in their league.  But since it’s a more highly-ranked league, they’ve only had to play one Round so far.  They defeated Fehnerbace out of Turkey to get here.

True to the league strengths, the Elo rankings this two have on footballdatabase.com indicate to Noob Benfica is easily a one-goal favorite at home.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Independiente vs. Santos FC – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League is in its Round of 16.  These are the last pair of clubs to not have played the first match of their two-legged tie.

Independiente finished just 6th in Argentina’s Premier last season – not quite good enough to qualify for CL.  They’re here by virtue of having won the 2017 Copa Sudamericana, the continent’s second-tier competition.  They’re a sound, defensive-minded bunch.

Santos finished 3rd in Brazil, CONMEBOL’s best league.  They’re considered the fifth entrant from Brazil.  Santos also plays a tight defensive game typically.  Look for this to go 1-0 or 0-1 at most.  Independiente is a full-goal fave based on the Elo ratings.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Copa Libertadores cartoon

 

 

Noob’s not sure what harpooning a rabbit has to do with CL or Santos FC.

But I’m down with it.

 

’10 to Track’ for Saturday (8/18) – ten match previews for your ogling pleasure

The most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Our collective soccer education.  Noob’s unstable mind and left field-humor.   A combination almost as good as chocolate-almond-coconut ice  cream served by a Brazilian agriculture student.

Read on to have THAT explained.  Check back for results, too.  On matches, not the Brazilian girl.   And follow Noob on Twitter at SoccerNoobUSA.com.  Thanks.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer

As the regular season moves into its final third, it appears eight Western Conference teams are vying for the six postseason berths allotted them.  Just ten points separate the last of that group from first.

(Minnesota United fans, Noob looks forward to your emails of bile and vitriol.  Your club is trading away its talent now.  Management knows it’s over this year.  Embrace the pain.)

Portland are in 5th now, but not playing like they’ll stay there.  Two losses in a row to non-playoff bound competition don’t bode well.  Admittedly, that D.C. United team looks frisky this week, but were in last for a long time for a reason.  Reasons.

Kansas City have their groove back.  They’ve been in a brutal stretch of schedule, had lost three straight to fall to 4th.  Now, they’ve won back-to-back games against solid competition and have #1 Dallas in their sights, who dangle just three points ahead.

The key to recovering from their tailspin has been the back line.  Unsurprisingly, it has been spearheaded by MLS’ 2017 Defender of the Year award winner Ike Opara.   (8:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   KC   3-0

Image result for Ike Opara

 

Defense:  Top-notch

Ike’s head wear choice:

YOU make the call.

B.  Philadelphia Union vs. NYCFC – Major League Soccer

Things are shaping up a little differently in the East.  The top three seeds look secure, though in what order they’ll finish is up for grabs.  Columbus will be the #4 seed.  NYCFC and NY Red Bulls are tied for #B, just two in back of Atlanta.

The last two Playoff slots are down to four clubs realistically.  Here, we find Philly, tied for 5th.  They just bagged a big win over peer New England.  Since they’re hosting, Noob’s calling this match a tossup today.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Philly   2-0

Image result for B is for bag

 

 

 

And for “blue” and for “Noob” spelled backwards.

Tres chic, Number B.

  1. Portland Thorns vs. Chicago Red Stars – Nationals Women’s Soccer League

Three matches to go in the regular season.  Here’s what we know:  North Carolina kick butt.  What we think we know:  Seattle are going to get the #B seed.

Five teams remain alive for the other two Playoff spots.  Portland are in the driver’s seat for the coveted #3 seed.  Not having to play NC in the opening round is a big deal.  Chicago and Orlando are tied for 4th.

Portland have won four of five and Chicago haven’t lost in four consecutive outings.   Check out this humdinger on ESPNEWS at 10:30 PM.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Monterrey vs. UNAM Pumas – Liga MX

We’re essentially at the quarter mark for the Apertura (first half-season) already!   Noob loves just 17 matches.  Every single one is so important.  And so it’s time for Noob to stop using last season’s results as a crutch and look at what we really have in Mexico now.

Pumas went from 14th to 7th between the 2017-18 half-season tournaments.  And look at UNAM now!  1st place.  One of two clubs with no losses.  Tied for the best offense in the league.  They grow up so fast!  *sniffle*

in 5th, we find Monterrey.  They finished in 1st and 3rd last year in the two tournaments.  They’re matches have been low-scoring to start out this Apertura, a surprise.  This one’s at 10:06 PM on FS2 to see of Pumas can continue to hold the top spot.

RESULT:   Monterrey   1-0

Image result for that's a thing?

 

 

Yes, Fox Sports 2 is a real channel.

We’re not to “The Ocho” yet, but all in good time.

  1. Chelsea vs. Arsenal – English Premier

Early here in the EPL season we get a matchup between last year’s two best teams that were disappointments.  At 5th and 6th place, they just missed out on Champions League berths.

The stories about these teams that will get you through Level One water cooler-chat:

Both teams have new coaches.  Chelsea expectedly won their first game while Arsenal lost to the defending champs to start this season.  And Chelsea star Eden Hazard should join the starting lineup now.  He’s gotten some rest after his run with his World Cup team in Belgium.  (12:30 PM, NBC)

RESULT:   Chelsea   3-2      Chelsea squandered a 2-0 early lead before closing this one out late.

  1. Lazio vs. Napoli – Serie A

Nearly all the talk this European off-season has been about Cristiano Ronaldo moving from Real Madrid to Juventus.  But don’t miss this match.

Napoli gave Juve everything they could handle in last season’s title race.  And Lazio – who are really fun to watch with the ball in the opponent’s third – finished 5th, losing out on a Champions League berth by tiebreaker.

RESULT:   Napoli   1-2

Image result for lazio funny

 

 

 

Plastic bottle-gladiator guy on the Lazio Plaza.

Hopefully he’s selling those to hot, thirsty footyball fans.

  1. Difaa al Jadida vs. MC Alger – CAF Champions League

And speaking of CL, let’s head to Africa’s.  A reminder of where we are:  Group Stage.  Four pods of four clubs each play double-round robins.  Top two from each will advance to the Knockout Stage.  Most everyone is four matches into their six.

In Group B, Congolese club TP Mazembe has already earned 1st place.  MC Alger is one of two Algerian clubs vying for runner-up, and they lead ES Setif by just a point.

DaJ aren’t out of it entirely, but have to earn more than draws to have any shot.  They’re actually the slightly more accomplished team internationally.  Between that, home pitch advantage, and plain old desperation, Noob looks for El Jadida to nab the W today.

RESULT:   El Jadida   2-0

  1. Royal Pari vs. The Strongest – Bolivia Premier

Welcome to the Track, Royal Pari!  Congrats on getting Promoted to Premier after last season.

In the Apertura, they finished in the bottom half of their division, if just.  Not bad for newbs.  And now in the Clausura – when the league plays all one division – (Bolivia is strange that way), they’re #B and have no losses!  Muy bueno.  But now, the real test.  The Strongest are 6-0-0.

These are the two highest goal-scoring offenses in the league.   To catch it, though, Noobites will likely have to try Googling up some internet streamage.  Maybe even pirated.  Yaaarrrgh.

RESULT:   R.P.   1-0

Image result for pirates computers

 

 

 

Yup.  Went there.

  1. Corinthians vs. Gremio – Brazil Serie A

#7 versus #4.  Two teams that will probably move up the table before all is said and done.   (6:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

Noob recently took his daughter and a neighbor kid out for a day, and that included a downtown ice cream shop near the local University.  The new girl working the counter was Brazilian.  Wonderful!  Buuhhht turns out she doesn’t care for football.  The footyball gods taunt Noob.

Noob learned a few interesting things though:

—  “Corinthians” might be pronounced with more of almost a “ch” than a “th” in Brazil.   Or our server might’ve had a speech impediment.  Noob didn’t ask.  Never mess with people handling your food.

—  The neighbor kid I had in tow told me I have a new girlfriend now, since I chatted her up so much.

Look, child.  Noob’s married and old enough to chat up an attractive, exotic, visiting postgrad intern without any nefarious intentions. What’s more, I— I— Oh my.  It’s true.   I am now my father.

—  One not need add much of any coconut to chocolate-almond to get the appropriate flavor effect.  Well-done, ice cream peoples.

RESULT:   Gremio   0-1

10.  FC Cincinatti vs. Charleston Battery – United Soccer League

Noob bookends today’s Track by bringing our gaze back stateside, to the second division.  Since the top eight in each conference will make the Playoffs, these are in excellent shape.  Cinci – who will be joining MLS next year – lead the East by five.  Charleston is tied with Pittsburgh Riverhounds for #B.

Charleston haven’t lost a league match since June 6.  And that’s as long as Cinci’s gone!  Primo matchup.  Noob wishes DII would get on the t00b.  Maybe the matches are carried locally and can be found on the interwebs.

RESULT:   Cinci   3-0

Image result for Cincinnati weird

 

 

 

So long from The Mushroom House,  Hyde Park, Cinci!

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – spanning the globe for soccer-ness

Fridays are a little light on the world scheds, so Fridays here at Noob we steal Samsonite’s luggage and head off to see the world!

As always, the Track will start at or close to home, then it’s off to footyball hinterlands of wonder.

Please don’t forget to check back for results, follow on Twitter at SoccerNoobUSA.  And in the name of all that’s holy, stop assuming the drink cart carries absinthe.

  1. Houston Dash vs. Washington Spirit – National Women’s Soccer League

Just top the four from the NWSL make the playoffs.  Washington are long-since eliminated.  7th-place Houston is just four points behind 4th-place Orlando.  That’s a lot of teams to have to leapfrog, but hope lives.

The Dash have been winning and losing every other match like clockwork for weeks.  If pattern holds, they’re due for a loss today.  But the Spirit have lost seven in a row.  And they score only about goal every other game on average.  And they’re really bad.  And they won’t win today.

But Noob roots against you, Houston Dash?  Why?

RESULT:   Houston   4-0

Image result for daft to build a castle in a swamp

 

You can’t build cities on swamps and expect good things.

B.  Atlas vs. Monarcas Morelia – Liga MX

Little Billy Donovan from Springfield writes:

Dear Mr. Noob,

I’m in grade school and I can count.  Well. 

So, what is up with never using a Number Two and putting in Number B instead?

First of all, Little Billy, thanks for being a great Noobite.  No questions are dumb here, because Noob doesn’t anthropomorphize sentences.

Depending on how one chooses to look at it, Number Two has been the victim or instigator of problems people have when listing off points for time immemorial.   Say someone’s having an argument and trying to logically list points.  So often, things spin out of control:

“Why am I leaving your sorry ass??  One!   You always leave the toilet seat up.  B!  You never answer my texts within 0.45 seconds when you’re at work.  Three!  You –

     — Ha!   You can’t even make a list right.  You went ‘One’ and then ‘B’ as if you’d labeled your first point ‘A’.  So fine, leave!  You’re a dysfunctional albatross around my neck anyway.”

See the issue, Billy?  So Noob says, “Why not just replace Number Two with Number B In all lists, permanently and forever?”  More, Noob doesn’t likely need to tell a grade schooler of all people about the negative connotation of “Number Two”.  So –

1, B, 3, 4, etc. when it comes to lists.    But Noob’s not crazy.  Still count normally in non-list contexts.   You would still say, “I have two apples in my Grizzly Adams lunchbox”.

RESULT:   Morelia   0-1

Image result for grizzly adams lunch box

  1. Birmingham City vs. Swansea City – English Championship

No English Premier League matches today doesn’t mean we can’t get our British footyball fix.  Though this is equal part Welsh, thanks to Swansea.  They were Relegated after last season.  They couldn’t kick a ball and hit the broad side of a barn.

Birmingham City was on the fringe of Relegation discussions last year themselves.  Opposite problem.  Second-worst defense in the ECL.

But it’s a new season, and everyone will dream of climbing back up to the Premier League and the bajillions of tv dollars that come with it.

Fun Fact:   Birmingham were the first English club to play in European competition, losing to Barcelona in the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup of 1956.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Schweinfurt 05 vs. Schalke 04 – Germany FA Cup

Most anywhere else Noobites will find this game written about, the tournament will be referred to as “DFB-Pokal”.   The tournament participants are of a strange makeup to me.  All the clubs from the top two leagues.  That makes sense.  Only four from the third-tier league.  But then 24 teams come out of lower, regional divisions.

Schweinfurt is one of the last group.  They play out of the Bayern Regional League, which is fourth-tier.  They finished second in it last season.  They qualified for this event by winning the Bayern Cup tournament.

And today they get last year’s #B team from Bundesliga.  At least they had enough luck to get to host the match.  Minnows are fun to root for, but Schalke by two today.

RESULT:   Schalke   0-2

Willy Sachs Stadion 001.jpg

 

Schweinfurt play at Willy-Sachs Stadion.

Sometimes jokes are too easy.  Noob chooses to exercise a little grace.

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

Africa’s CL is in it’s Group Stage still.   The 16 remaining teams are divided into pods of four, in which they play double-round robins.  All winners and runners-up advance to the Knockout Stage.

Wydad are the defending champions and lead their current Group.  They are a Noob-fave because of their unique name, being for a famous Egyptian actress-singer.  Which is odd, given that the team is in Morocco.

Mamelodi are out of South Africa’s Premier League.  They’re tied with a Guinean team for #B in the Group right now, though they lead on away-goal tiebreaker.  By rating (footballdatabase.com), this would be a very even matchup on a neutral pitch.  The defending titlists have to be favored on their home pitch today.

RESULT:   Wydad   1-0

  1. Martizburg United vs. Kaizer Chiefs – South Africa Premier

So let’s move cross-continent in our Globetrotting!   South Africa’s Premier is 5th-rated on the continent.  It’s also getting the 2018-19 season started.

These two finished 4th and 3rd in last year’s edition, narrowly missing out on the two CL berths afforded the country.  It will be especially interesting to see if Chiefs can stay near the table’s top again.  Based on goal differential, they overachieved, and only had an average offense at best.

RESULT:   0-0

Please enjoy this musical interlude from the U.K.’s Kaiser Chiefs.

  1. JS Saoura vs. MC Oran – Algeria Ligue 1

Algeria’s top flite ranks 4th in Africa, so we’re still seeing major quality on our trek today.

JS Souara may also get Tracked sooner or later for being in the current CAF Champions League, as they finished #B in this league last season.  MC Oran came in at fourth, but never truly threatened.  They score almost at will, but Noob’s not sure they play a goalie based on the numbers.

Fun Fact:   Saoura are based in the town of Meridja.  That’s Arabic for “little swamp”.

Didn’t we just cover how we feel around here about Swamp Cities.  Bad urban planning!  Down with them and the teams that inhabit them!

RESULT:   Saoura   2-0

  1. Deportivo Maipu vs. Temperley – Copa Argentina

It’s the Round of 32 now in this single-match Knockout FA Cup.  Maipu play in Torneo Federal A, one of the nation’s two third-tier leagues.  Temperley got mercifully Relegated out of the Premier last year.

Maipu host today.  They’ve also already beaten Chacarita Juniors, another team that got booted down to second-division last season.  Minnow watch!

RESULT:   Temperley   0-4

Image result for Argentinian wine rack

 

Maipu are known as “los Botelleros” – “the wine racks”.

Weird.  But Noob likes malbecs ok, so ok.

  1. Skenderbau Korce vs. Partizani Tirana – Albania Superliga

The 34th-ranked league in UEFA, really Noob?  Oh yes.  There’s a special reason for this inclusion.

Skenderbau, in March, was banned for 10 years from international UEFA competitions.  They had to forfeit their spot in the current Champions League to Kukesi.  This is the stiffest penalty ever handed out.  Match-fixing was the issue.

Applying mathematical algorithms to gambling patters is a or perhaps THE big new way match-fixing is discovered now.  Skenderbau are fighting the ban, and it will be fascinating to see just how accepted the methodology is.

RESULT:   S.K.   1-0

  1. Buxoro vs. Lokomotiv – Uzbekistan Super League

We take out rest from jet-setting at last in Asia.  This is the 10th-best league there.  As such, they will receive two berths into the next AFC Champions League.

Lokomotiv aren’t quite in line for one, but they’re threatening – tied for 3rd.  Buxoro are in 5th, not likely to make a big move.  Negative GD, and they have particular trouble putting the ball in the back of nets.  In the table, they’re problem is a lack of draws.  They actually have more losses than most teams in the entire league.

RESULT:   Lokomotiv   0-1

Image result for buxoro funny

 

So long from the “old town” of Buxoro!

(As if the whole town isn’t ancient.  People living there for 5000+ years.)

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – three days of your footyball fix

The 10 most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  Noob delights in them, and hopes you do as well.

All the leagues we care about most are in action now.  Soon, the Midweek Edition will be expanded in glory once again to three separate days.

Tuesdays match previews and results follow below Wednesday’s.

Also, please consider following Noob on Twitter:  SoccerNoobUSA.  Thanks.

  1. LAFC vs. Real Salt Lake – Major League Soccer

As yesterday, Noob takes us out West for a pivotal match.  Expansion-LAFS looked so very good for a couple months.  Have they been solved?  They haven’t won a league match since early July.  Other than a scoreless draw at home against Portland, they’ve allowed 2+ goals every time out.  They’re in 5th, but fading, and only the top six make the Playoffs.

Speaking of 6th, here we find RSL.  They should’ve been feasting on a weak stretch of their schedule lately, but have only nibbled.   They haven’t lost in their last four, but only won once.  Goal-scoring remains an issue for them, and Vancouver and Seattle are licking their chops behind them.

RSL’s fall should, of course, be destined.  Noob’s ranted before and shouts to the heavens yet again:  No “real” in Amuricuh!  Royal?   We carry no truck with monarchs this side of the Pond.  Remember that war?

RESULT:   LAFC   2-0      Christian Ramirez – a name Noobites need to know – scored both goals.

  1. Seattle Reign vs. Chicago Red Stars – National Women’s Soccer League

The top half of NWSL’s eight-team league makes the Postseason, and Chicago are making a push to be included.  They’re in 5th, have gotten two wins – and an impressive draw against 1st-place North Carolina – in their last three outings.

The Reign are in the midst of a solid run as well, seem to be shoring up the #B spot.  That’s critical, because finishing 4th would mean getting North Carolina in the first Playoff round.  Only sadness and the never-ending Void are to be found there.

RESULT:   0-0      *The Price is Right” loser-sounder*

Image result for The Void funny

 

Noob – home of all soccer serious content, all the time…

  1. Tijuana vs. Juarez – Copa MX

See Tuesday’s Copa MX match preview for format and such.

‘Cause Noob wants to get straight to ogling Tijuana’s seemingly new and improved defense.  I can tell you’ve been working out Tijuana.  Would you mind doing a slow, goal-keeping spin?  Oh yes.  The results are obvious.   Mmm hmmm.

Yes, that got weird.  Noob knows.  Noob has no cares!  Tijuana didn’t make the Clausura (second half-season) Liguilla (postseason tournament) this year, but the climbed to midtable.  How?  Los Xolos cut their opponents goals by half while maintaining their previous offensive output.

Now they’re tied for first in this Group with Ascenso MX’s Juarez.  “The Brave Ones” nearly win the 2017-18 Apertura before falling on their faces in the Clausura.  And while the 2018 Apertura is only a few matches in, they’re in first.  No matter which team shows up, it’s still a road match against a Liga MX squad.  Tijuana by two goals today.

RESULT:   Tijuana   3-1

  1. Real Madrid vs. Atletico Madrid – UEFA Super Cup

Domestic Super Cups typically pit a league’s defending champions against that country’s most recent FA Cup winner.  The international European version here is the latest Champions League winners against the Europa League champs.  A small oddity, Atletico actually finished higher in last year’s La Liga table than Real.  (#3, #B).

They’re playing this in Tallinn, Estonia of all places.

RESULT:   Atletico   2-4   AET         Diego Costa for Atletico had both Atletico’s goals in the first 90′.

Image result for Where am I? funny

 

 

We’re right here in Estonia.

Noob hears it’s Super.

  1. Toronto FC vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – Canadiaian Championship

This is the second leg of the Final.  The winner gets Canadia’s berth in the next CONCACAF Champions League.  Only four teams have been vying for it annually.  These are the 7th and 9th place teams in their respective MLS conferences.

The first match in Vancouver ended 2-2.  Vancouver, though, has won three of their last five matches with no losses in that run.  Defending league champs Toronto will have anything but a gimme today playing this on their home pitch.

RESULT:   Toronto   5-2      Toronto is once again Champions League-bound

  1. Vissel Kobe vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – Japan J1 League

Noob ends today’s Tracking in the land of the rising sun.  Hiroshima barely missed getting Relegated in 2017, yet lead the league this year by eight in the table.  Kobe are improved as well, 4th now versus low-end midtable last year.  Only two will make the AFC Champions League.  KV look unlikely to really get in the running, behind #3 Kawasaki by seven.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Kobe Japan weird

 

So long from Kobe, and from Tetsujin 28-go!

(Fine, “Gigantor”, if you must.)

 

 

Thursday

Go, be free!  If the international friendly between Guatemala and Cuba tickles your fancy, perhaps Noobites can Google up an internet stream.  As for Noob – see you on Friday!

Tuesday

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Colorado Rapids – Major League Soccer

On August 4, Colorado hosted and beat the Galaxy 2-1.  The 11th-place Rapids have now won two in a row, tying their longest streak in a lousy year.

Los Angeles sort of rebounded from that loss, earning just a draw at home against improving Minnesota United.  They’re till tied for 4th, but even a top-six finish is far from guaranteed.  The middle of the Western Conference is packed like a sardine can.

While the Galaxy’s back line haven’t been golden of late, it’s the goalkeeping that’s really let them down.  Backstop David Bingham has been anything but, having allowed multiple goals in their last four matches.   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for david bingham

 

 

Will Bingham even be able to keep goals from being scored in his pie-hole?

B.  AEK Athens vs. Celtic – UEFA Champions League

This is the Third Qualifying Round of Europe’s premier club tournament.

These two faced off about a week ago, playing to a 1-1 draw in Scotland.  This is the second-match of the two-legged tie.  It always seems like Celtic struggle mightily in international competition.   Hard for Noob to think the Greeks won’t take care of business at home today.

The winner will get either Malmo from Sweden or Hungary’s MOL Vidi in the “Playoff Round”.

RESULT:   AEK   2-1

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Number B taking care of its own business as we quest to replace worn out old Number Two.

  1. Leon vs. Zacatecas – Copa MX

The Group Stage continues in the first of two Copas to be played during the 2018-19 season.  Pods of three.  Winners and most of the runners-up will advance to the Knockout Round.

If you know Noob, you know I love rooting for Minnows.  Halfway through the Group Stage, second-division Zacatecas are tied with both Liga MX’s Leon and Queretaro in the table.  The “Mineros” will be doing well, though, to keep today’s match within a goal.  Even against a weaker Liga MX club like Leon.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Leon   2-1

  1. UANL vs. Monterrey – Liga MX Femenil

UNAL won the 2017-18 Clausura (second half-season) after a 3rd-place regular season finish.  Today the Pumas host the team that won that Clausura regular season.  UANL had the third-best offense last year, though with a sizable gap between them and the top two.

RESULT:   2-2

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“Sizable GAP”.

Nice work, Nashville

 

 

Wednesday and Thursday

coming soon!