Tag: Real Salt Lake

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (10/30-11/1) soccer matches — MLS playoffs begin!

The ten most important matches to follow, for us — the newish American fans of the global game.   For the Midweek, Noob teases out ten over the three days instead of a full slate on each.

More first round MLS Playoffs action!   *action flex pose*

But Noob isn’t all America all the time.  We’ll also get to know some more about our CONCACAF neighbors as we finish up the Midweek Track.  Tomorrow — Globetrotting Friday!

Thursday

  1. D.C. United vs. Columbus Crew – Major League Soccer playoffs

Battle of the Saved!   To keep things to Ten on the Track, just previewing this one.  The other match today is #3 LAFC versus #6 Real Salt Lake.  It’s important, absolutely.  But Noob likes to spread the love around, so just doing this one.

If you’ve followed this site or American soccer in general, you know the story arc of these two clubs’ seasons:

D.C. – stunk out loud, signed an all-time great from Europe, Saved their season.

Columbus – high-end average all year, looked like ownership would move them to Austin, Cleveland Browns swooped in recently and Saved the Crew.

Columbus looked so entrenched in #4 spot in the Eastern Conference for so long, Noob called their position a done deal weeks ago.   Then they started mostly losing and drawing matches.  Nearly all their matches.  So with their offense AWOL, they slipped into a tie with D.C.

D.C. has the same number of wins as Columbus, but wins out for the opportunity to hose this match as the #4 by virtue of the second tiebreaker – goal differential.  They haven’t lost a match since late August.  And as much as all-world Wayne Rooney was the big reason early on in their turnaround, there’s no denying it’s the defense that’s carrying them now.  They’ve conceded just two goals in their last six outings.

If Columbus are to have a shot tonight, they’ll likely need another incredible performance from striker Gyasi Zardes.  He netted all three of the Crew’s goals in their regular-season 3-2 finale over Minnesota.

Kind of funny – If Columbus had lost, they’d instead be travelling to struggling #3 NYCFC.   they’d probably have preferred that matchup over one with red-hot D.C.   (8:00 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT:   Columbus   2-2  /  2-3  PK        What a match!  Federeico Higuain with both goals for the winners.  D.C. equalized at 116′ to send it to penalties.

 

Some Ohio edumuhcation for you.

(Buhhht where’s Columbus?)

  1. Motagua vs. Herediano – CONCACAF League

It’s the second leg of the Final!   Here are some of the event details from the post a week ago.  What is this tournament?

That can be better answered to start by telling you who is (and isn’t) in it.   This is 13 really good Central American teams and three top clubs from the Caribbean region.

Who this is not are the league champions from the five best Central American leagues.  Those qualified directly for the CONCACAF Champions League.  The winner of this event gets the 16th and final spot in the Champions League

Herediano qualified for this tournament by having the best aggregate record between the Costa Rican Apertura and Clausura (first and second half-tournaments) last season.  Motagua were the runners-up in both those stages In Honduras.

Herediano are the better team in paper, but wow are they struggling in their current league season.  They’ve lost four straight, only scoring in one of the matches and dropping to midtable.

Herediano have been the favorite, despite struggling in their current league season.  They’d lost four straight matches before winning the first leg here, beating Montagua 2-0.

This had looked like a real opportunity for underdogs Motagua.  They’d not lost in six matches.   In league, their D has been A+.  But two goals is a lot to make up against Herediano today, even at home.

RESULT:   Motagua   2-0        But that means Herediano wins the tie 3-2.  Hail to the victors!   And congrats on your Champions League berth.

  1. Santa Tecla vs. Alianza – El Salvador Premier

Just six matches left in the Apertura (first half-season of the year) and Alianza are still undefeated!  But nearly half their matches have ended in draws, so they’re only two points up on #B Santa Tecla.

Noob isn’t overly impressed with Santa Tecla.  The top eight of twelve league teams make the playoffs, so sure, they’re clearly getting into that.   But title contenders?

They’re tough, gritty, but ultimately their offense is only have as good as Alianza’s.  And Aguila’s.  That club just going to be #B.  S.T. may be able to get a draw at home today, but no better.

RESULT:   Santa Tecla   2-1         Well color Noob surprised!

Image result for el infiernillo el salvadorSo long from El Infiernillo, Santa Tecla, El Salvador!

(Local club supporters now want to throw Noob into wherever that steam comes from.)

 

Wednesday   

B.  FC Dallas vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer Playoffs

Nitty Gritty:   Top six in each of the two Conferences qualified for the postseason.  The top two seeds in each get byes to the Second Round.  The format is single elimination matches hosted by the club with the better seed.

Noob initially typo’ed with “Playoofs”.  Dallas made a very loud oof-ing sound as they got figuratively kicked in the gut in their last regular season match.  They came into the match at lowly-Colorado Rapids #B in the table, with a shot at the #1 seed.

Now, #1 Kansas City didn’t lose like Dallas needed for #1 to happen for them.  But a win still leaves them #B and with a Playoff bye.   Even a draw gets them the #3 seed.

Aaaaand they crapped the bed, allowing the Rapids two goals in the last ten minutes of the match.  Colorado wins 2-1.  “The Toros” slip to #4 on the heels of a three-match losing streak.  At least they still get to host this match.

The only good news for Dallas fans is that #5 Portland has been inconsistent most of the season.  The Timbers started 2018 hot, but were up and own the last 2/3 of the year. They lost their last match toi non-Playoff-bound Vancouver, but it’s hard to read too much into that.  Portland went into the game with nothing at stake.  They were going to be the #5 seed no matter the result of the last days’ matches around the league.

The biggest Dallas name to know on offense is Maximilian Urruti.  But if you really want to impress coworkers around the water cooler, tell them Swiss international defender Reto Ziegler needs to get some energy drink going.  The center of Dallas’ defense has been awful down the stretch, but he’s been the weakest link.

For Portland, they key to their success has been midfielder Diego Valeri.  He leads the team in goals and assists both.  Striker Jeremy Ebobisse has been controlling space up front well for them late.  If this tandem are both on – and Noob thinks they will be against their fading hosts – look for a Portland road upset today.

RESULT:   Portland   1-2       Valeri with both goals.  Urrturi was up front, if not dominant.   Reto Ziegler may actually have been the strongest defender for Dallas on the night.

Image result for double letter b funny

 

 

 

Tandem Number B’s are about to make a grievous error.

 

  1. NYCFC vs. Philadelphia Union – Major League Soccer Playoffs

It’s déjà vu all over again.  These two just played in their last match, NYCFC taking it at home 3-1.  That’s particularly disconcerting for the Union because they had something to play for.  They end up with the #6 seed, but could’ve and would’ve climbed two notches up the standings with a W.

NYCFC were going to be the #3 seed no matter how that or any match went Sunday.  Perhaps they were simply motivated to get off a two-match losing skid before the postseason began.

In fact, they’d only won one match in their last nine heading into that one.  (Draws staunched some of the bleeding, and they were never going to drop far since Columbus was also dropping matches left and right.)

So what’s going to happen today?  Goodness only knows.   Philly’s once-vaunted offense pulled a Houdini act the last five weeks.  But NYCFC ‘s did the same thing.

RESULT:   NYCFC   3-1      Maxi Morales with a goal and an assist

  1. Monterrey vs. Cruz Azul – Copa MX

The Final!   And so, one last reminder of what we have here.  The two Copa tournaments each football-year align timewise with their two league half-seasons.  They aren’t like most other nations’ FA Cups, which let in teams from many or all leagues in some way.  Here, only teams from the top two tiers ever compete.

This is a single-elimination Final match, being hosted in Monterrey.  These two are #6 and #3, respectively, in the Liga MX (top tier) standings.  This should be a defensive-affair.  Cruz Azul concede the league’s fewest goals.  And Monterrey has been surprisingly quiet on offense all year.

This isn’t one Noob would want to put pesos on – very even matchup on paper.  But if you are so inclined, Monterrey is at home and the more traditional recent power.

RESULT:   Cruz Azul   0-2        Aaaaand Noob now sees that Cruz are 10-8-2 in their last 20 against Monterrey.  oopsie

Image result for funny Mexican pesos

 

That doesn’t seem ri–

No, never mind.

  1. Fiorentina vs. Chelsea Ladies – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Like the men’s version, this is the top international women’s club tournament in Europe.  They’re now in the Round of 16.  Opponents face off in two-legged home-and-away series to determine who advances.

All the R16 series are heading into their second matches.  Chelsea won 1-0 at home to begin this one.  It looks, therefore, to be the most competitive series going this round.   There’s not often a lot of parity in the women’s game.  A lot of the series are already blowouts.

Fiorentina pulled a Maverick and Goose and slid into someone else’s qualification spot.  Cue up the Kenny Loggins soundtrack.  You’re welcome, “Top Gun” fangirls.

Last year, Brescia finished #B and qualified for this.  But they sold their Serie A rights to AC Milan, who were starting a new women’s team.  That meant #3 Fiorentina gets to play CL.   But they’re not even doing that well early in their new league season.

No one beat Chelsea last year in England, but they’ve not started the new season all that well, either.  I am loath to call a winner here.  Noob’s still on a steep part of the learning curve for the women’s game.  Part of why I’m doing this nutty site!

RESULT:   Chelsea    0-6      Oh dear, that escalated quickly.

  1. Guastatoya vs. Xelaju – Guatemala National League

If one guesses there is a co-relation between how a country’s National Team stacks up against others in their confederation and how their domestic league compares, then Guatemala’s is nearly the weakest of the Central American ones.  But hey – they’re playing!  And when have you ever known Noob to not be mesmerized by the shine of a #1 versus #B matchup?

Guastatoya are responsible for most of the sparkle.  With six matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season), they lead Xelaju by seven points in the table.  Best O in the league by a little, and best defense by a wide margin.  They don’t even concede a goal every other match on average.

Xelaju are tied on points with Malacateco, lead them by one little tiebreaking goal on differential.  Top six will make the Playoffs, and top two will get byes there.  So every match is still vital for Xelaju.  Noob think’s they’ll get that #B spot when all is said and done, but at least a draw and a point today might be a necessary starting point.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for angry guatemalansCrap!  Ticked off the Guatemalans.

Is that a plastic green vuvuzela?  If so, Noob surrenders right -now-.

  1. Al-Ain vs. Sharjah Cultural Club – Arabian Gulf League

This – also often seen as “The UAE Pro-League” – is the top flite in United Arab Emirates, ranks as the 4th-best league in all Asia.  In fact, here’s how things shake out in the AFC top ten, just for fun:

China and Qatar are the two clear best club football nations.  South Korea and U.A.E. are the clear next best two.   Iran, Japan and Saudi Arabia are #5-#7.  After that, there’s a massive chasm before you get to Thailand and Australia.  Uzbekistan currently rank 10th, but Iraq and Tajikistan are very close.

#1 Sharjah are one of two undefeated clubs remaining early in this league’s season.  Al-Ain are not the other, but they’re #B just the same.    Al-Ain are the defending champs, whereas Sharjah were just average in 2017-18.

Al-Ain were tremendous on defense last year and remain so know.  But Sharjah so far have been every bit as dominant at goal-stopping.  Go, Sharjah!  it’s fun to see newer blood at the top and tight title races.

And Noobites, you’re welcome for not sticking in some stock 80’s pop music Culture Club reference.  My pattern is to put the zany images and videos on the evenly-numbered matches.  But if Sharjah stay atop the table, I make no future promises regarding restraint!  The future may hold “Church of the Poisoned Mind” references.

(“Karma Chameleon” is too easy, overdone.  Never travel in a straight line, Noobites.  Never ever.)

RESULT:   Sharjah   1-2

Tuesday

  1. Adelaide United vs. Sydney FC – FFA Cup (Australia)

The Final!

Australia’s calendar set up is unusual this way.  Most countries play their FA Cup tournaments concurrently with the league season.  Down Under, they’re only two matches into the league season, yet here they are, handing out a trophy already.

This is the first time the federation there has ever used a random draw to determine who will host.  Previously, they FFA made deliberate selections.  Probably it always went in favor of the larger of the two teams’ venues.

But Adelaide won the coin toss, or got a favorable reading of entrails or whatever upside down hoodoo they might do there.  And the Reds need the advantage.   They were a perfectly average team last year, look not much different early on now.  Sydney destroyed the league, best in the biz on both sides of the ball.

Adelaide are a bit better on defense than goal-scoring, will likely look to take the air out of the ball.  Noob’s guessing they’d be thrilled with it being 0-0 and see things decides by penalty shootout.

RESULT:   Adelaide   2-1         Congrats to the victors!    And perhaps should not be so surprised.  Despite Sydney FC being the usually dominant power in Oz, Adelaide are actually now 15-7-9 in the series’ recent  history.

Image result for upside down soccerNo, Ronaldo.

This is now how to prepare for soccer in Australia.   

You’re not leaving Juve so soon anyway.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches – MLS and USL playoff hunts lead the way

it’s International Break for much of the league world.  That means we get MORE America and extra CONCACAF-feination in today’s Track!

Today’s Track may not be up much in advance, but I’m now Nine-Fingered Noob.  Went all Gollum on my own left ring finger at work last night.  OK, not really, did just slice off the tiniest bit.  Typing’s been hard.  Almost left all the inadvertent caps-lock stuff in just for fun.

  1. D.C. United vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

With three regular season matches to go, #1 Dallas lead KC and LAFC by four points in the Western Conference.   Kansas City is and has been the better team on paper all season.   But they’re getting draws late, whole Dallas hasn’t lost in about six weeks.   In fact, only one team has even managed to get a goal on them in the last four matches.

Wayne Rooney & Co. are now only two points out of 6th place and the East’s final playoff berth.  They, too, haven’t lost in six weeks.  They’re success has been realized on the offensive end.  But it troubles Noob that they haven’t kept a single clean sheet in that entire stretch.

Defense travels, so I’m saying Dallas gets the road win in what is likely considered an even matchup in the District.  As badly as MLS likely wants DCU in the playoffs, today is when they’re comeback dreams die.   (4:55 PM EST, Univision)

RESULT:   D.C.   1-0

B.  Netherlands vs. Germany – UEFA Nations League

This is a League A match.  There are four separate Groups of three in League A.  In each one, the teams play four matches, double-round-robins.

France leads this one with four points after two matches.  This is the second match for these two today.  If they draw, France ends up in the driver’s seat.  Only the winner of each Group makes the Playoffs.

Since League A is pretty much the dozen best clubs on the continent, they’re all likely making the 2020 European Championships anyway.  But this event is another avenue towards qualifying for that.  In the world, they’re ranked #17 and 12.   In the Netherlands, this should be a toss-up.   (2:45 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Netherlands   3-0      

Image result for font invented in 2018

 

A new tournament deserves a new-look Number B!

(Braille typeface front)

  1. Ireland vs. Denmark – UEFA Nations League

These two are part of League B.  Mirror image of A, just the next dozen down the rankings in Europe.

Denmark are actually 10th ranked in the world today.  UEFA rankings were used from a specific date, so the Danes must’ve been more down on their luck.  If the win this Group, they get promoted for League A when this event happens again, presumably, in two years.  And they’ll win it.

Ireland are FIFA-ranked just 30th.  They lost badly to Wales in their first match in this tournament.  Eire should be considered at least a full-goal underdog today.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Reno 1868 vs. Orange County – United Soccer League

Usually Noob gives the American second division it’s due other times of week.  But so much of the world is on International Break, we have room.  With the Playoffs nearly here, perfect timing!   Teams have just this last regular season match to go.

Top eight finishers in each Conference make the Playoffs.  OC all but has the #1 seed wrapped up, home field advantage galore.  They’d have to lose today and Phoenix would have to win their last game by five goals for another tiebreaker to even come into play between them.

Reno have more on the line.  They’re #5 in the West.  They’re only a point behind Real Salt Lake, so they could still end up with the four-seed and a home game to start the postseason.  In fact, it wouldn’t necessarily even require a win.  A tie and an RSL loss-combo would do the trick.

RESULT:   Reno   3-1

Image result for reno 1868 supportersSo Noob’s jumping on the Reno bandwagon today!

Anything to go against stupidly-named Real Salt Lake.

  1. Ottawa Fury vs. Charleston Battery – United Soccer League

Charleston can’t lose or move up from the four-seed in the East.  Noob suspect they’ll rest starters given that.

Ottawa has been gritty and gutty all year – not truly good though.  They’re in 9th place, two points and a ton of tiebreaking GD behind Bethlehem for the last Playoff berth.  They should be able to net a win against the Battery reserves.  Unfortunately for them, Bethlehem hosts the hapless Tampa Bay Rowdies.  And the Steel will be motivated.  They could jump as many as three spots in the standings with a win.

RESULT:   Charleston   0-2

  1. Puerto Rico vs. Martinique – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

You can catch a few particulars in yesterday’s and previous posts.

This match is the first of four for these two teams.  Martinique aren’t members of FIFA, being part of the French football system.  But they’re in our region’s federation and they’re pretty good, considered 12th-best among national team here.

PR are just #175 in the world, well in the bottom half of CONCACAF.

RESULT:   Martinique   0-1

Image result for Puerto Rico national football team 2018

 

 

And since Puerto Ricans are Americans, Noob gives them the “gofightwin” cheer.

  1. Vorkuta vs. SC Scarborough – Canadiaian Soccer League

Welcome to the Track, CSL!   Don’t be fooled by the name though.  This league is really mostly or entirely Ontario-based teams.  Starting next year – unless it is pushed back again – the Canadian Premier League begins.   These teams won’t be a part of it, not unless they’re changing names and Noob’s missed it.

In any case, this is the playoff final for the current top league in Canadia!  It’s at a neutral stadium in Ontario, though since all the teams are from greater Ontario  *shrug*  They finished #B and #4 in the regular season, respectively.  The league was kind of top heavy.  Scarborough will do well to keep this within a goal.

RESULT:   Vorkuta   1-0

  1. Vorkuta II vs. Halton United II – Canadiaian Soccer League Division II

And here’s the undercard!   Also the playoff championship.  Same stadium, just two hours before the D1 championship.   These were the top two in the division regular season.  This match should be a little more competitive, but once again is Vorkuta who are moderately heavy favorites.

RESULT:   V II   3-2           chamPEENS!

Image result for so much canada

 

 

 

Just how much Canadia can you handle at once?

  1. DR Congo vs. Zimbabwe – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

Once again, Noobites can look at yesterday’s or past posts for some specifics on this event.

These two are both tied for the lead in their four-team Group (top two finishers make the Knockout Stage.  Congo (not DR) are tied with them, but have played one more match than these two so far.   They are ranked #40 one of Africa’s best – and #117 by FIFA.  So naturally, DRC are expected to lay waste to their guests.

RESULT:   Zimbabwe   1-2        Upset city!

  1. Central Cordoba de Santiago vs. Gimnasia LP – Copa Argentina

FA Cups are all about looking for Minnows – non-premier league underdogs.  And here in the quarterfinals we get one to root for.  Cordoba were relegated to the second division last year.  In fact, they’re below average even there early this league season.

Gimnasia are just a midtable team.  But they’re top -flite, should be considered a 1-2 goal fave on the road in this one-off match.  The winner will face River Plate in the Semis – an historically excellent team, but one that’s been more midtable themselves of late.   (2:00 PM, TyC Sports International)

RESULT:   Gimnasia   1-1  /  3-4  PK

Image result for santiago del estero funny

 

 

So long from Santiago del Estero!

Noob’s terrified to translate the parts he doesn’t know.  Blessedly rusty Spanish for meeeee.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/22) – NWSL championship leads the way!

So what IS Noob?  I am Noob.  This site is Noob.   Most importantly, Noob is of two main facets:

Bringing Noobites the ten most important matches to follow, from the perspective the (well, a) newish American fan of the global game.

Noob also fancies himself to be the Sunday comics section to the rest of the more mainstream, serious soccer sites out there.  Even if it’s closer to just old Farside than any other strips.

Now, feast on a kick-ass slate of matches today!

  1. Portland Thorns vs. North Carolina Courage – National Women’s Soccer League

American women’s soccer fans, the Final you deserve is here.   Regular season #B hosts #1!   Some places might have NC listed first as the top seed, but they’re playing it in Portland because of Florence.

Portland’s Lindsey Horen was just announced as league’s Player of the Year, having finished 3rd in scoring.  NC’s Lynn Williams was runner-up in that category.  Both also sport top-notch attacking passers.

Noob thinks the difference-maker for Portland will have to be secondary scorer Christine Sinclair.  Two goals with one being by her and the Thorns will hoist the trophy.   Otherwise, the one-loss superpower Courage win.   (4:30 PM EST, Lifetime)

RESULT:   Courage   0-3       Hail to the victors!    Jessica McDonald with a pair of scores.

B.  Atlanta United vs. Real Salt Lake – Major League Soccer

League-leaders in putting points on the board, Atlanta look to extend their four-point lead in the Eastern Conference.  Meanwhile, RSL lead the Noob in riling me UP.

Original owner Dave Ricketts decided when the club was formed to tie into a club that doesn’t suck (Real Madrid).  Never mind that Madrid get to be royal because of a king’s patronage.  Rickett’s is a JetBlue board member, which is anything but monarchal in the corporate world.

Oh yeah, and they’re 5th in the West.  It’s a good matchup.  But RSL needs to lose for Noob’s belief in an omni-benevolent god in the universe to be confirmed.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   ATL   2-0

Image result for Letter B holy

 

 

 

Number B – straightening Noob out on the whole omni-benevolent God-matter.

  1. Montreal Impact vs. NYCFC – Major League Soccer

Noob’s been writing of late that Montreal have been recently and surprisingly frisky.   Turns out, they made their big move in June and early July.   We live, we learn, Noobites.  They’re in 6th, and top eight will make the Playoffs.

NYCFC are somehow still in 3rd, despite not having won a match in five weeks.  They’re in no danger of dropping out of the playoffs this late in the regular season.  But it’s looking like they need some kind of shock to the system to get them moving back up toward a top-two seed.   That wold mean multiple postseason home matches.  (7:30 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Manchester United vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – English Premier League

No two teams from the table’s top are battling today in the PL, but we do get a match with two teams in strange positions.

Man Utd. have won three in a row, though that only pulls them up into 8th place.  And those victories were over two bad league teams and an overmatched Swiss side in the Champions League.

Wolverhampton have also had three wins a row, also over weaker competition (two poor PL sides and a second-division team in the EFL Cup).  They didn’t allow a goal to any of them, either.

All considered, it’s about impossible to not consider the evergreen powerhouse that is Man U the favorites.  Wolverhampton have seen some early success after having been Promoted, but they have to score more than a single goal per match to keep it up.

RESULT:   1-1     Or maybe one per game can keep you afloat!   On a side note, Man Utd’s goal was scored by “Fred”.   Yup.  Just Fred.

Image result for wolverhampton wanderers funny

 

 

Feel about it how you will, Wolvers, Noob calls it as seen.

  1. Toluca vs. Necaxa – Liga MX

Another league dear to our hearts that isn’t featuring a 1-B matchup or anything close.  But we have what I have called a “Hiccup Watch”.

Toluca is 5th here in the Apertura (first half-season).  Top eight make the Playoffs.  By table position, Necaxa should be toast on the road.

Thing is, they haven’t lost to Toluca in many consecutive matches.  Noob’s not convinced Toluca an avoid having a Hiccup tonight.  Momentum, inertia – powerful forces.  (6:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Toluca   3-2

  1. Schalke 04 vs. Bayern Munich – Germany Bundesliga

Last year’s #B and #1 face off!  The exclamation point could be overkill in a way, though.

Schalke have lost all three of its matches to start the new league year.  More, none of those opponents were teams that finished anywhere near the top in 2017-18.  Noob’s not ready to call their 1-1 Champions League home draw against Portugal’s FC Porto a sign that everything is turned around now.

Bayern are 3-0-0, doing Bayern-y things to all.  (12:30 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   Bayern   0-2

Image result for Bayern Munich things

 

Ummmm…

Isn’t anything we do Bayern-y by definition? 

Can we do otherwise?

  1. Al Ahly vs. Horoya AC – CAF Champions League

Not long ago, Noob Tracked the first match of this two-legged Quarterfinal.   Africa’s greatest team went to Guinean Horoya and only got a 0-0 draw.  By ELO ratings, this is a team the Egyptians should utterly wreck, no matter whose pitch their playing on.

Still, now they get to take care of business at home.  Perhaps they won’t assume Horoya will just lay down for them this leg.

RESULT:   Al -Ahly    4-0    

  1. Pittsburgh Riverhounds vs. Indy Eleven – United Soccer League

Noob tends to shy away a little from second division leagues on weekends, even Amuricuh’s.   Just sooo much D1 football here and the world over.

But “an opening” was created when one of the teams in a Nadeshiko 1 match I’d pre-listed dropped too far in the standings to meet Noob’s exacting criteria.  Match 8 was going to be three-time defending champion NTV Beleza hosting Noob-fave Urawa Red Diamond Ladies.  Alas, Urawa has slipped to midtable.

RESULT:   Pitt   3-2

Image result for The Situation abs

 

I got the word, Noob!

Urawa’s #1 U.S. supporter and unofficial spokesman mascot is back once again.

<—  Where the sushi goes.

 

 

Sorry, The Situation.  I know you were excited.  Don’t worry, you’ll still get your appearance fee.

Image result for The Situation angry

 

 

I’d better!   I’m still waiting for them all from last season.

 

Check, er, checks are in the mail, The Situation.

Aaaaanyway, Pitt and Indy are 3rd and 5th-place in the USL Eastern Conference.  Top eight make the Playoffs.  Top four get home-pitch advantage to start out.

Riverhounds are the class of the entire league, defensively.  Thankfully, not just by taking the air out of the ball, they score more than a little.  Indy are more balanced, but seem like they’ve peaked in what they can achieve.  Their D is just mediocre.

  1. Coleraine vs. Linfield – Northern Ireland Football League Premier

It’s merely semi-pro ball, one of Europe’s lower-ranked leagues.  But Western Europe is always on Noob’s radar.  These are two perennial powers, #1 and #3 in the early season-table.  They’re also the only two who haven’t yet lost.

RESULT:   0-0     That’s one boring way to make sure you each stay undefeated.

# Honorable Mention:    At odds with Noob’s desire to keep things mostly D1 on weekends is my utter inability to stay away from shiny 1-B matchups.  So before we wrap up, Noob sends the hippest of shouts out (shout outs?) to Ross County and Inverness of Scotland’s second-tier Championship League, #B and #1 there.  Go fight win!

  1. Hiroshima vs. FC Tokyo – Japan J1 League

Hiroshima looked ready to run away with the league title not too far back.   And while they haven’t played poorly the last month, they’ve scuffled just enough to give hope to more traditionally great Kawasaki.  They’re better on both sides of the ball than #3 FCT.

But a loss – hardly unthinkable – and that Kawasaki group could pull to within a point of the league lead.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for hiroshima fun

 

So long from Hiroshima!   

Try to visit when you can catch the Flower Festival.

’10 to Track’ Jetsetting Friday soccer matches – spanning the globe for footyball fun

Noob knows this is usually called “Globetrotting Friday”.  AND that “jetsetting” may not really be a word.   But we’re trying it on for size just the same.

With world scheds running a little lighter right before the weekend proper, Noob uses it as a chance for us to soccer-sightsee!  Let’s check out some local matches of import, than hit the tarmac and head for soccer hinterlands.

  1. LA Galaxy vs. LAFC – Major League Soccer

Rivalry Week!  “El Trafico”.  Los Angeles.  The Holy Spirit.  Soft sheets.  Counting.  Science.  Foodstuffs.

Whoa.  Noob started just free-associating there.   No belief in the necessity for editing here.

Better believe that the Galaxy need to get it together though.  They’ve been in a softer stretch of schedule this month and are not getting it done.  No wins in four matches has them tied for 5th.  The Remember: Only the top six in each conference get into the Playoffs.

LAFC are in 3rd, having recovered from their own tailspin.  Home cooking against Colorado and Real Salt Lake was tasty.

If the Galaxy are going to pull it together to stay afloat for a postseason, perhaps they should find a consistent lineup and formation on defense.  They’ve started wholly different folks and moved some around every match of late.

Perhaps Noob shouldn’t question Sigi Shmid – who has the most coaching wins in MLS history.  But he can come to me if he has an issue with it.   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT:   1-1       Zlatan got a goal in the first half, and should’ve been given a second yellow and sent off later.  Shenanigans!

Image result for twizzle la galaxy mascot

 

 

 

Fun Fact:   This is Twizzle, the original Galaxy mascot.

His replacement is a less humanoid-looking guy named Cozmo.

B.  Atlas vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX

Guadalajara was so bad last season, Mexico’s football federation changed the rules concerning promotion and relegation just to make sure this big money club didn’t get stuck down in the Ascenso league.  They’re looking much better, average early this season.  9th place currently.

Atlas.  Noob would chastise you not winning a game yet.  But before we can even get to that stage, score a goal.  Their next will be their first of 2018-19.  And it’s not like the defense is any good, either.  I waggle my finger at you, Atlas.   (10:00 PM, Unimas)

RESULT:   Guad Squad   0-1

Image result for letter B map

 

 

Not bad, Number B!    Looking atlas page-y today.

  1. Queretaro vs. Necaxa – Liga MX Femenil

Perhaps the gals of Necaxa could lend Atlas some advice.  After all, they’ve scored this season.  Once…

Now, Queretaro actually find the back of the net more than once per match on average.  But if they’re going to be anything but low-end mediocre, they’ve got to stop giving up almost three game.  What’s Spanish for “oof dah”?

Fun Fact:   One older translation of “Queretaro” is “island of blue salamanders”.  Odd-seeming, for an area in the middle of the country.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Motagua vs. Portmore United – CONCACAF League

The winner of this tournament gets into the CONCACAF Champions League.  The participants are all from Central America and the Caribbean subregions.  The matchups are all two-legged ties, and they’re in the Quarterfinals now.

Honduras’ top entrant is Motagua.  Last Round, they put the kibosh hard on Costa Rica’s Santos de Guapiles.  Portmore qualified by finishing third in the Jamaican Premier.  In the Round of 16, they squeaked by Belmopan Bandits out of Belize.

Even the rawest of Noobites will surely recognize Motagua is a heavy favorite, especially at home here in the first match of the tie.

RESULT:    Motagua   3-2       The hosts went up 2-0 in the first half, then had to get a second goal from Juan Pablo Montes at 90’+5 to win.

C.D. Motagua badge.png

 

 

Frustrating Fact:   Darn birds are always stealing soccer balls!

  1. Bayern Munich vs. TSG Hoffenheim – Bundesliga

The opening match of Germany’s season!  And we get a shiny one.  Bayern ran away with the league title last season.  They scored half again as many goals are 3rd-place TSG and gave up only half as many goals.  But it’s a new year, and if any club can make a contender’s claim, it’s the visitors today.   (2:30 PM, FS1)

Fun Fact:  In the 1990’s. Bayern was given the nickname “FC Hollywood”, as they were not playing well but the players were all over the tabloids.

RESULT:   Bayern   3-1

  1. Middlesbrough vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Championship

To England!  No Premier League action today, but the lone ECL match includes a club that was just demoted from there last year.  West Brom didn’t average even a goal per game in finishing last.

Middlesbrough made a run last year at getting Promoted up to Premier status.  They finished 5th in the league, got to play in a fo- team mini-tournament for the right to advance.  For second division, their offense was very good and their defense even a little better.  They’ll be in the running for Promotion again in all likelihood.

RESULT:   Middlesbrough   1-0

Image result for Middlesbrough fc female supporters

 

Fun Fact:   Middlesbrough have one of the highest percentage female fan bases in all England.

  1. CIE Ranch vs. University College Dublin FC – FAI Cup (Ireland)

Ireland’s FA Cup is in its Second Round, and here we have a battle of 1st-place squads.  UCD lead the countries second division league by four points.   But these Cups are all about finding Minnows, underdogs to root for!

CIE Ranch play In the Leinster Senior League., which is all greater Dublin-clubs.  Noob thinks this puts them in the third tier in the country, if they play in the top division within that league.  Theirs is the Sunday Premier division, so it likely is.  And they lead it by seven points, on the backs of their leading defense.

Ultimately, we’re talking about pros – even the collegiate UCD ones – versus amateurs.  Still, goooOOOO Fighting Inchicorians!  (Did Noob get the suburban demonym correct?)

Morbid Fact:   The jail in or near Inchicore is where the leaders of the historic Easter Rising were executed.

RESULT:   UCD   2-6       Weird match!   The Ranch actually went up 2-0 early!  UCD got one back still in the first half.    Then at 75′, a Ranch’er got a red card.  You can see what happened after that.

  1. Kopetdag Asgabat vs. Energetik – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

Turkmenistan’s top league is halfway down the Asian rankings.  That’s deep enough that they don’t even get an automatic entry into the next AFC Champions League.

Not that these two would get it anyway.  They’re 7th and 4th (of eight) halfway or so through the league season.  Good thing there’s no Relegation in this league.  Asgabat can’t score a lick.

RESULT:   Energetik   0-1

Image result for kopet dag mountains

 

 

Fun Fact:  Ashgabat is the city name, while Kopet Dag are the mountains seen here.

  1. Ventspils vs. Riga FC – Latvia Higher League

It’s a tie for #B in table in UEFA’s 41st-ranked league.  Hey – they’re playing.   On Fridays, these are the fun ones for Noob.

RFS – the city of Riga’s top team – is likely hoping these two will just draw.  They lead both by seven in the table.  FC play small ball, so if they can control the pace, a 0-0 tie is certainly a reasonable expectation.  Ventsplis relies a little more on their own D than goal-scoring as well.

Fun Fact:  Venstspils is the wealthiest city in the country, thanks to its ice-free port on the Baltic sea.

RESULT:   Riga FC   0-1

  1. Floriana vs. Silema Wanderers – Malta Premier

Just a couple notches further down the European league rankings we find Malta.   This match doesn’t carry quite the importance in the standings as Latvia’s featured match, but it’s no less fun to go exploring.

The Maltese league season is just starting anew.  Last year, these two were 6th and 7th place.  That said, there was a fair bit of a gap between them in points, and a larger one in GD.  If their relative strengths remain the same, Floriana should have more than enough firepower to get the W today.

RESULT:   Silema   0-1

Image result for jason derulo funny

 

So long from Noob and Jason Derulo!

Floriana the town has hosted MTV Europe’s “Isle of MTV” festival 11 years running.”  Derulo will headline this year.

’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches – all the best from America, Mexico, UEFA, CAF CL

It won’t belong now until the big European leagues are in full swing and Noob likely expands back to doing separate Tracks for Saturday and Sunday.

For this weekend though, the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – the best from our soccer perspective span both days.

That’s my way of saying these weekend is all trim meat, Noobites.  Slice of piece of the grade-A soccer.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

KC spent most of the first half of the season leading the Western Conference, but now Dallas is on top (and LAFC is #B).  The difference.  KC has given up two or more goals in five straight matches, not winning any of them.

Dallas, meanwhile, have only conceded four in their last five games.   (And they won the one where they allowed multiple goals.)  Dallas’ defense is only surpassed league-wide by New York Red Bulls.  Jesse Gonzalez is their netminder and a title run is likely If he keeps playing at this level.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Dallas   2-3     Michael Barrios with all three Dallas goals

Image result for Jesse Gonzalez FC Dallas

 

Jesse likes cold drinks, hot Texas nights, and wearing Mickey Mouse goalie gloves on dates.

His number is…

B.  Montreal Impact vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

And now to the East!

Impact haven’t lost in their last seven times out, pushing into the Playoff picture (5th place).  Noob’s betting they won’t stay there.  Their defense has been more than suspect on the season, though better lately.  It’s helped them into two four-game losing streaks in 2018 so far.

Atlanta are #1, and that’s some tough business with both New York teams breathing down their necks.  Josef Martinez is their offensive star.  Noob mentions him again because he scored all three scores in their last match and win against D.C. United!   (7:00 PM, ESPN+, Fox Sports Southeast)

RESULT:   Atlanta   1-2    Ueber-star Josef Martinez with two goals

Image result for letter B star

 

Number B thinks himself a star.

But has he replaced numeral 2 in your hearts?

He should.

  1. Benfica vs. Juventus – International Champions Cup

Fans at Red Bull Arena certainly have been hoping to see Italian league champs’ new acquisition in action – world’s greatest Cristiano Ronaldo.   Sadly, he won’t be involved today though.  Benfica had won four Portuguese Primeira titles in a row before missing the mark last year.

It’s hard to handicap events in this tournament, since reserves may start or get substantial playing time as teams tune up for domestic leagues with the friendlies that make up this tournament.  Both teams won the first of the three matches they’ll each play in this event.   (1:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Juventus   1-1  /  2-4 pk

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Sky Blue FC – National Women’s Soccer League

New Jersey’s Sky Blue FC have lost four in a tow and have yet to win a match all season.  They’ve allowed a dozen goals in their last for matches, all losses.

Despite losing only once in their last seven outings, Chicago are in 5th place, just outside the Playoff picture.  A likely win today will vault then all the way to 3rd though.

Sky Blue FC forward Nadia Nadim (9) celebrates her goal against the Houston Dash.

 

SBFC’s Nadia Nadim celebrates a goal.

Maybe someday she’ll get to celebrate a W.

  1. CF America vs. Atlas – Liga MX

Atlas is the city of Guadalajara’s “other team”, as the headliners there are Club Deportivo Guadalajara (Chivas).  Last Clausura (second half-season), Atlas actually outperformed their rivals.  That said, the two were just 15th and 17th place, respectively.

Liga MX is just starting it’s 2017-18 season.  But if things remain similar to last year, America’s defense should be able to get the three points today.   (8:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   CFA   3-0    Guido Rodriguez nets a pair

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. Horoya AC – CAF Champions League

Ah, Wydad, Noob’s Moroccan favorite!  Only club I’ve found named for an actress/singer.  Or either one.  If either is a fan of the sport, maybe someday we’ll have a Club Timberlake or Joe Jonas FC…

Aaaanyway, Wydad are the defending champions of Africa’s CL.  Horoya qualified out of the unheralded top-flight league in Guinea. This event is in its Group Stage.  These two and South Africa’s Mamelodi Sundowns are all tied for 1st out of the four teams in this Group.  Also, they all earned just draws against one another in their first matches in the Round Robin. After tiebreakers, the table goes Sundowns, Horoya, Wydad.

On paper, there shouldn’t be any reasonable way to expect Horoya to compete with Wydad.  But they play the matches on grass, not paper.  That would be weird and crumply-noisy probably.   (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:    Wydad   2-0

Image result for paper soccer players

 

 

 

What witchcraft is this??

 

 

Sunday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Australia – Tournament of Nations

To whom can Noob write a strongly-worded letter about the boring and yet still misleading name for this event?  It’s not wrong, but there are just four teams participating.  Granted, these are really good national teams.

And so, reminder:  This is essentially a tournament of glorified friendlies.  With Women’s World Cup next year, this can be considered a tune-up for that.  They’re playing a round robin, no additional round.

#1 FIFA-ranked U.S.A. beat #6 Japan 4-2 in their first match, in which Alex Morgan netted a hat trick (three goals).  #8 Australia (“the Matildas”) pulled the minor upset over #7 Brazil 3-1 in theirs.  Those matches were in Kansas City.  Both matches today are being played in East Hartford Connecticut, at UConn’s home field.   (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Lyon – women’s International Champions Cup

Another four-team event, all matches being played at Miami Gardens.  Noob doesn’t know enough yet to say that NC’s victory over Paris Saint-Germain was an upset or now.  Courage are easily the best American women’s team.  PSG is the secondary power in perhaps Europe’s top league.

Today, NCC get the real test.  Lyon as won three straight World Cup’s, and their own league 12 straight seasons.  Noon suspect’s the Courage will need even more than a career day from Alex Morgan.  Their other big star is Rapinoe, who also scored in the win over PSG.   (9:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Courage   1-0

Image result for alex morgan funny

 

 

And when you score three goals in a match, you can rock whatever coif you want.  Right, Ms. Morgan?

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Orlando City – Major League Soccer

At time of this writing, Real Salt Lake is in action.  By the time some of reading this, they may have passed the Galaxy for 4th.  No matter what happens there, what a turnaround it’s been for the home team today.

Noob featured the Galaxy on Thursday.  “El Trafico” – the intracity rivalry match with LAFC – ended 2-2.  LAFC stormed back with two very late goals.  Will Zlatan & Co. be able to rev up after that derby?

Will it matter?  9th-place Orlando stink out loud.  This is good, right and appropriate.  The Management and Noob consider it a priority to espouse the evils of bad urban planning.  Nothing – NOTHING – good can ever come from building a city on a swamp.   (9:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Galaxy   4-3

  1. UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

It’s early in this league’s new season.  These are two teams that made last year’s playoffs for the Clausura (second-half season).  OK.

What Noob really can’t stop thinking about is how embarrassed I should be about the fact that I didn’t know until I started covering soccer that Tijuana is spelled without an A before the J.  That pronunciation is cited as common and perfectly acceptable.  Still, Noob feels more shame heaped upon shame.  Just thought I would’ve picked up that there was a phantom sound in there long before now.   (7:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

Image result for shame funny

 

 

Use the phrase “chromosomally-challenged”.    It’s more PC.

  1. Cruziero vs. Sao Paulo – Brazil Serie A

To be a truly knowledgeable soccer citizen of the world. gotta follow Brazil.  South America’s best.  Sorry, Argentina.

Six clubs from here will qualify automatically for the Copa Libertadores Group Stage next year.  Cruziero are in 6th now, despite struggling a little on offense for a top club.  Noob would say their just-OK defense won’t make up for that lack, but they had similar stat lines a year ago and finished 5th.

Sao Paulo just keep continuing to surprise.  They’re #B in the league now, after a dismal 13th-place finish last year.  They’ve shored up their defense some.  Not enough to maintain a spot quite this high in the table for the whole season, but they sure look CL-bound at the very least.    (3:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Sao Paulo   0-2

  1. MLS Homegrown vs. UANL U20 – MLS All-Star week

The MLS All-Star game will be on Aug. 1 in Atlanta.  This game is a lead-in, and in some ways maybe the more interesting affair.

Noob’s not exactly sure how MLS defines a “homegrown” player.  Could mean that the player is a U.S. native, or refer to anyone who came through an MLS soccer youth academy.  Or both, or neither, or involve some other variable.  Think I’m on the right track though, roughly.

They’ll be taking on UANL Tigres Under-20 team, their Mexican league’s champions.   This is matchup is part of a broad, multi-year partnership effort between America and Mexico to promote and develop the youth game.

Players to watch and who have been in this before are Kellyn Acosta from FC Dallas, New York Red Bulls’ Tyler Adams, and Justen Glad who plays for Real Salt Lake.   (8:30 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1    Mexican kid got a red card at 78′, just a minute after his team got the equalizer.

Image result for Lil Jon soccer

 

So long, from Noob and ATL soccer fan Lil Jon.

A-what?  Okay.

’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches – World Cup extra, MLS, NWSL lead the way

As World Cup approaches its climactic end, Noob knows soccer will fade a bit from America’s collective conscience.

Keep visiting here.  Keep learning with Noob.  I’ll keep previewing the ten most important  matches to follow for us – the newish fans of the global game.

And it won’t get weird.  And Noob’s a fibber.

  1. Belgium vs. England – FIFA World Cup

Noob.  Nooby!   Didn’t these teams just lose?

Yes.  And did you just go Harry Ellis on me?  Well-played, pretend writer-in/voice in Noob’s head.  You’re my white knight.

Aaaaanyway, this is the Bronze Match.  If you’ve been reading Tracks, you know the names:  de Bruyne, Kane.

The NCAA used to make the last non-finalists play this kind of crappy game.  They just lost.  This is once every four years.  A lot of the players won’t ever get that sort of chance again.  Let them go home.

Yay, footyball!

RESULT:   Belgium    2-0

B.  New York Red Bulls vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

Kansas City had been leading the Western Conference for forever.  But a couple of road loses (Real Salt Lake: ok, Montreal: really?) and a home draw against tuckered out-Toronto and they’ve slipped to 3rd.  Their defense s letting them down, something that never happened in last season’s strong campaign.

3rd-place Red Bulls are coming off a “road” loss to fellow East contender NYCFC.  They have regional rival New England Revolution up next.  Still, Noob doesn’t see this as a trap game.  They’ve only conceded four goals in their last six matches.

To appease the Management – with his K.C. ties – Tim Melia needs to step his goalkeeping back up.  The back line has been okayish.  He has not.

(NYCFC hosting Columbus is just as big today.)

RESULT:   NYRB   3-2

Image result for tim melia sporting kc

 

 

 

Tim Melia tries to defend Zlatan with the trip over me comically-technique.

 

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Seattle Reign – National Women’s Soccer League

“Dear Lord in heaven, hear our cries!  Please let us remain #B/climb to 3rd in the standings so we don’t have to get decimated by North Carolina in the first round of the Playoffs.  We submit ourselves to Your will.  What do you require of us, Most Holy?”

Chicago is tied for 3rd.  Seattle is #B.

RESULT:   Chicago   1-0

  1. Legia Warsaw vs. Arka Gydnia – Poland Super Cup

It’s Sooooooper Cup season!

These are nearly always matchups between the previous league season’s champion and the defending FA Cup titlists.  They are typically one-offs.  Sometimes at neutral sites, sometimes not.  They are glorified exhibitions to whet folks’ appetites for the imminent starts of the new league seasons.

Legia Warsaw finished 3rd in the first part of the 2017-18 regular season before making off with 1st place once the Championship Round began.  They also just beat Cork City (Ireland) in the UEFA Champions League, 0-1.  They host today’s match.

Arka Gydnia narrowly missed out on qualifying for that Champions Round, 7th place.  After that, they sank, though not quite far enough to get Relegated to the second division.

RESULT:   Gdynia   2-3

Image result for that's super meme

 

 

Noob ever has a club of his own, they’re “The Ligers”.

  1. CFR Cluj vs. CS Universitatea Craiova – Romania Super Cup

Cluj won the truly regular league season and then held on in the Championship Round to take the title.  Craiova are the defending FA Cup holders.  They finished 3rd in the league.   Craiova get to host today.

RESULT:   Cluj   1-0

  1. Albirex Niigata vs. Tampines Rovers – Singapore S.League

Noob is always down for #1 versus #B!  Not that Rovers are a threat to chase down the title.  The Japanese club reserve team is 15-0-0.  But as a reserve team, they’re not eligible for international competition like AFC Champions league.  That means #B is the slot that could qualify.

Rovers lead Home United by just a point in the table.  If they have any shot at a result today, it has to be on defense.  They sport the league’s second-best.

RESULT:   Niigata   2-1

Image result for second place is best

 

Fortnite’s popular with the hip kids. 

Noob’s not above throwing it in here.

 

Sunday

  1. France vs. Croatia – FIFA World Cup

The Final!  Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow.

France is ranked #7 in the world, Croatia #20.  if the latter win, they will be the second-smallest country to ever do so.

The battle is going to be hottest in the midfield.  For Croatia, Modric is the key to everything.  That he plays for Real Madrid tells you want you need to know about him.  He’s joined there by recent hero Rakitic.

For France, Mbappe is the young (19) and main man.   Tell Noob he doesn’t look like he’s about 35 when his forehead furrows.  Yikes.  Kante is the other man there who will be key to ball control.

Thanks for hanging with Noob during this awesome Cup.  I hope the mini-previews have been helpful even in their brevity.  Fun, and for the newest fans, encouraging in that you’ve been able to pick up just enough to enjoy the game a little bit more and to chat with friends who’ve followed the game longer.

Now go, be free!  Seek out more in-depth pregame analysis.  Noob will, too.

RESULT:   France   4-2      Mbappe becomes only the second teenager ever to score in a World Cup final.  (Noob still thinks he looks 35.)

Image result for i release you gif

  1. LAFC vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer

Expansion, surprising #B LAFC haven’t lost since June 2.  That one was at Dallas, the Western Conference’s #1.  During this torrid stretch, they’ve scored multiple goals every time out.

And if you think that’s impressive, Portland haven’t lost in 13 matches straight, since April 2!  How are they only in 5th?  But not getting a W in their first five of the season.   They’re baaaack.

For LAFC, Diamonde is the leading scorer.  Fellow forward Latif Blessing from Ghana has been smoking hot in July, too.  If both continue as they are, Houston and KC both may find themselves looking up at them in the table.

RESULT:   0-0

Blessing has something of a velociraptor-y look about him to Noob.

 

Image result for latif blessing funny

Image result for velociraptor

  1. Monterrey vs. Necaxa – Supercopa MX

This is the first of two high-end exhibitions for Liga MX today.  They are both being held on the L.A. Galaxy’s home pitch.

The Supercopa pits the two Copa MX winners from last season against one another.  Just as the Liga MX season is divided into two separate halves (Apertura, Clausura), so they also play to Cup tournaments.  In the Clausura of 2017-18, these teams finished in 3rd and 11th, respectively.

RESULT:   Necaxa   0-1

  1. UANL Tigres vs. Santos – Campeon de Campeones

These two won the Apertura and Clausura liguillas (post-season playoffs) last season.  This is considered a friendly and not for the title of overall Mexican league champion.  The winner will play the last MLS champions in their home city (Toronto) in the inaugural Campeones Cup in September.

RESULT:   UANL   4-0

Image result for four-way soccer

 

All four should play at once.

THEN you’d get a real champion.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – World Cup and Isle of Sodor cup knockout stages lead the way

Updated.  For her pleasure (Wed., 3:35  PM EST)

Midweek Edition is now complete.  Matches for Thursday are previewed, results for previous days are UP.

  1. Colombia vs. England – FIFA World Cup

So lots of folks think England intentionally blew their last Group Stage match versus Belgium in order to get a perceived easier path to deep in the tournament.  Noob thinks that sort of stuff might have made Colombia’s locker room bulletin board.

England looked dynamite in their first tournament match — against Panama.  They squeaked by Tunisia 1-2 with an injury time goal.  This team didn’t come to Russia with tons of hype.  They’re very young.

Colombia pummeled Poland and took down Senegal to win their Group.  But that was after a loss to FIFA-ranked #61 Japan to start their WC.  Admittedly, Japan surprised everyone and advanced.  And Colombia had been down to ten men after an early handball saw one of their players red-carded.

James Rodiguez is Colombia’s star and was injured in the last match, if not seriously.  He should be available, but may doubt he will start the match.  England = Harry Kane.  He has five WC goals so far.

And there you have it, mini-preview success!  This should get you through water cooler chat-level convo about the game.  Now go, be free!   Search out in-depth pregame analysis if your heart goes pitapat for such.  Noob will; his does.   (2:00 PM Eastern, Fox)

RESULT:   England   1-1  /  3-4 pk      England gave up their lead in stoppage time, then fell behind in penalty kicks before coming back to win.

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Is it always sunny at the water cooler?

B.  Houston Dynamo vs. LAFC – MLS

Watch this game.  Expansion club LAFC score like it protects their mothers’ reputations.  Offense galore!   They struggle on defense, but they’re still #3 in the Western Conference.

Houston is 7th there, just outside the Playoff picture.  The Dynamo look superb on paper.  But they lose a lot of close matches, earn very few draws.  Is it a toughness issue?

One of LAFC’s key offensive cogs is red-hot Adama Diomande.  The Oslo, Norway native scored seven times in June.  Previously he has played for Hull City in England’s second-tier Championship league.  (9:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   2-2     Houston scored twice in the 90′ to come back for a draw.

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Noob had no idea the balls they played with across the pond were so odd.

  1. Cabalnoo vs. Crovan’s Gate – Isle of Sodor Cup

The Round of 16 knockout stage continues!  Let’s profile today’s combatants:

Cabalnoo stunned the Isle in the Group Stage, winning Group B.  They scored far and away the most goals (25!) in the three matches while also giving up the most (15).   That slashing, daring style is hardly unique on Sodor, where defense isn’t exactly a prized virtue.  But those numbers are nutso.  Will they continue in the same aggressive fashion, or become conservative now that the tournament is one-and-done?

Cabalnoo is such a surprise because it is such a small village.  They’ve been projected to start their league play in the bottom, Third Division when the inaugural leagues start in a few months.  They had to win qualifying matches just to get to the Group Stage.

It’s just small, idyllic village on a railway line.  A lot of milling takes place for the surrounding countryside farmers here.  But no other villages of note are fielding an official Club anywhere else in this south-central part of the Isle, so they’re drawing players from a bit larger area than many may have realized.

The story of Group A was that Toryreck wrecked all comers.  Crovan’s Gate is a pretty low-end average team that beat the other two also-rans on tiebreaking goal differential by just not getting housed by the winners.

The Village of Crovan’s Gate is the most southwesterly incorporated area on Sodor, though well inland.  It’s a hub for industrial equipment repair, and so has a lot of transplants from other parts of the Isle.  Perhaps in some way people coming to live here for those particular jobs plays into the strange nickname for the football club – “The Grumpy Passengers”.

RESULT:   Crovan’s Gate   7-8     Neither side led by more than one AND CG game back to win late.

  1. Reno 1868 vs. Real Monarchs SLC – USL

Noob shakes his fist at you, “Real”!   No royalty in ‘Muricuh, not now, not ever.  Utah is weird.  OK, now that’s out of my system.

Reno haven’t lost a league match since mid-April, but lots o’ draws means they’ve only climbed to 5th place.  Accursed-SLC leads the Western Conference and man alive are they tough to score on.  Last year, Reno scored on everyone at will, but this year is more defensively-oriented.

Noob thinks the matchup is a bad one for the Nevadans.

RESULT:   Reno   3-0     Then again, they were at home 🙂

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Noob can’t quite put his finger on why, but Chris Weham just looks Nevadan.  No matter where he might actually be from.

Wednesday

  1. Dallas FC vs. Atlanta United – MLS

Atlanta is coming of a pasting of rival Orlando City.  Possibility of a letdown is here, though one would think travelling to the #B team in the Western Conference will keep them on their toes.

Dallas trail only Kansas City in that conference, despite having lost two of their last three matches.  They win a lot, yet haven’t beaten a truly good team sin a month (LAFC).  This will be an excellent test to see if they’re truly capable of being a championship-caliber team.

Atlanta is a goal-scoring behemoth, yet Noob believes their success starts at the other end of the field.  Veteran goalkeeper Brad Guzan spent nearly a decade in the English Premier League.  He is used to directing intelligent defenses, has the team as a top-three unit in the East.   (8:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Dallas   3-2    Akindele with the tying and go-ahead goals at almost 90′.

  1. Real Salt Lake vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

Speak of the leaders and they appear.  They hadn’t lost a match since April until lowly Montreal beat them two-nothing.  As perplexing as that may be, the road is hard for most everyone.  They’re an incredibly well-balanced team.  Noob thinks they will hold one for the #1 seed in the West.

RSL is a target of Noob’s ire and rage!   I will never tire of pointing out that ‘Muricuh has no royalty to dub anything “royal”.  The “Claret and Cobalt” snobs are in 5th place, but how?  They can’t score worth a darn and yet have only two draws.  Win or bust for them most every time out.

The Management has KC ties and will be cheering hard for them.   Noob hates to suck up to the boss, but I will be joining him in it.  (10:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   RSL   4-2

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Noob bottles none.  But may head to a bulk store and stock up now.

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Chicago Red Stars – NWSL

Chicago’s been enjoying a favorable run in their schedule, haven’t lost in four matches, and have climbed into a tie for 3rd.  Wonderful!  Now they head into the #1 Courage’s gladiatorial arena, equipped figuratively with only a dull stick.  Footyball death and destruction await them.

RESULT:   NC   4-1

Thursday

  1. Toryreck vs. Ffarrquhar – Isle of Sodor Premier Cup

Play on Sodor has always been unstructured.  Mini-seasons between quickly-formed leagues, small day tournaments.  It’s always been there, but very fluid.  Because of this, the new FA on Sodor had a hard time judging which teams would be strongest.  They went primarily on town or village size for putting teams into Pots for the Group Stage draw.

And boy was that method seemingly inaccurate!  Toryreck were the lowest-seeded team in Pot 4.  They had to play qualifying matches against other very small village teams just to get to the Group Stage.  There, they dominated, outscoring opponents 15-3.

Not too far inland from Knapford on the east-central coat, Toryreck used to be known as a lead mining area.  These days, the joke about the village is not to drink the milk there.  One of the two main dairies on the Isle is nearby, but now the primary mining is of uranium.

Ffarquhar is a larger village, known most for its general rock-quarrying.  The big Anopha Quarry isn’t even all that far north of Toryreck, and so these teams know one another very well.  The double F were pretty average during the Group Stage, but did enough to finish second behind East Coast Diesel.

The winner here gets either E.C.D. or Cronk in the Quarterfinals.

RESULT:   2-3   Ffarquhar

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Noob loves how someone designed this to show that milk goes in the glass to complete the danger-cycle.

  1. Engordany vs. Folgore – Europa League

UEFA’s version of American’ college basketball’s NIT has already begun!   This is the Preliminary Round, where FA Cup and #B-finishers from the lowest-ranked Euro leagues compete.

Engoradny finished #B in Andorra’s top domestic league last season.  Folgore was second-best in San Marino.  The Andorrans won the first match of the two-legged tie 2-1.  The winner will advance to play Lithuanian club Zalgiris Vilnius.

Noob doesn’t have a lot to tell you about these teams, Noobites.  The point is more to know that the event has begun at all.

RESULT:   Engo   1-1   /  3-2 pk

  1. Ludogorets Razgrad vs. Slavia Sofia – Bulgaria Super Cup

The Bulgarian First League’s 2018-19 season begins in less than three weeks.  Like in many nations, they’re league defending champs and the last FA Cup winner face off in a fancy exhibition to whet folks’ appetites.  The game is in Sofia, though not at Slavia’s home pitch.

Slavia Sofia did very well to win the FA Cup.   They didn’t do all that well in league certainly.  They didn’t even make the top 6 (of14) and make the championship subdivision near season’s end.  Ludo (and CSKA Sofia) steamrolled the rest of the league.

Slavia beat Levski Sofia in this event last year.  Still, if Slavia can keep this within a goal today, Noob will be impressed.

RESULT:   L.R.   1-0

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Breed a rideable sheep-pig?

THAT impresses.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (4/27) from MLS, around the world, ending in Paradise

The world is a big place.  There’s always a few soccer matches important for us, the newish American fans, to follow each day.  And so it is now, on a Friday.

But it’s hard to fill the Track with good ones from our usual leagues.  So we Trot the Globe!   We’ll start in familiar locales, but soon be on a magical footyball adventure.  Lace your boots tight, Noobites!

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Real Salt Lake – MLS

The best (ok, only) Major League Soccer game today!  They may not be quite title contenders, but a quarter of the way into the season they’re in the last two playoff spots (#6, #5) in the Western standings.

Let’s put the spotlight on RSL, since they didn’t make the playoffs in ’17.  What’s changed for them this year?  Defense.  It’s not lights out, but it’s better.  And truth be told, it wasn’t that awful last season.   Their goal differential looked more like teams’ from further up the table.

More importantly, though, is what hasn’t changed for them this year.  They are still “Real” – royal!   Few things get Noob’s dander up like homages to royalty we don’t have here!  ‘Muricuh!   So today, it’s “Go, Canadia!”   (10:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   Vancouver   2-0

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“The Weirdness of King George”

Quickly-rejected movie script idea.

 

B.  Tijuana vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Time for the final round of regular season matches in the Clausura (second half-season) in Mexico!   One must love the format.  Only 17 games means a tight table.  Toluca have wrapped up the #1 seed for the Liguilla (postseason playoffs) already, so it will be interesting to see if the rest starters for this one.

Tijuana would love love love to face a reserve side.  They are in 8th – the last playoff spot.  They could jump to as high as 6th with a win tonight.  If they get a draw or lose, as many as three four teams could pass them, ending their season.

These two sport the stingiest defenses in the league.  Tijuana doesn’t score enough for this to be any better than an even matchup at home.  Unless Toluca plays their water boys and equipment managers.

RESULT:   Tijuana   1-0     Success!  This pushes them to 6th, and guarantees them a Liguilla slot.

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Toluca might get lazy like Number B.

  1. Las Vegas Lights vs. San Antonio – USL

Your ‘Muricuhn soccer undercard comes from out West as well.  Las Vegas Lights are a new expansion team.  They’re just in 10th right now, but that’s largely a product of scheduling.  They’ve only played four matches so far, while other clubs have had as many as eight.  The success they’ve had in limited action so far has been founded on defense.  That’s a bit unusual for a new club, and a good sign.

San Antonio are in 12th, with six games under their big-buckle belts.  They have trouble scoring, haven’t done so their last two games.  That includes an 0-3 beat down they suffered hosting Orange County FC.

RESULT:   San Antonio   1-3

  1. Tapachula vs. Universidad de Guadalajara – Ascenso MX

Noob has been derelict in his duty to you, newish American soccer fans.  As we learn the world game together, I’ve tried to keep our eyes close to home, then on  England, continental Europe, South America and beyond.   I’ve been remiss in ignoring the second-division league in the best soccer country in North and Latin Amerca.  Mea culpa.

Just like Liga MX, there are 16 teams, eight of which make the Liguilla there.  Their annual season is likewise divided into separate Apertura and Clausura seasons.  And their seasons start a little earlier than Liga MX.  So…

Welcome to the Liguilla Final!!   This will be a two-legged tie.  As the higher seed from the regular season results (#3), UdG will host the second match.  Tapachula barely squeaked in at all (#8).  They have issues on defense, yet at home give UdG all they can handle and maybe more.

RESULT:   Tapachula   1-0

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  1. 1899 Hoffenheim vs. Hannover 96 – Bundesliga

This match makes the Track strictly based on Hoffenheim’s position.  And it’s a Hiccup Watch game.  Hannover is in 12th, ho-humming their way through the end of the season.

The Hoff are in 5th, one slot and two points outside a Champions League berth.  And two clubs are hot on their tail, in turn.  They’re better than their guests and shouldn’t struggle.   Unless the pressure is too much.

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   3-1   This puts the Hoff in 4th for the moment.  Most league teams have now played one fewer game than them.

  1. Newcastle Jets vs. Melbourne City – Australia A-League

As the regular season #B finisher, Newcastle got a bye into the league playoff Semifinals.  #3 Melbourne City topped #6 Brisbane Roar to get here.  This is a Knockout playoff format, one match only.  The winner likely gets Sydney FC and loses badly.

RESULT:   Newcastle   2-1

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It’s time for kangaroo-boxing.

Noob has no reason.  Noob needs no reason.

  1. Tishreen vs. Al Ittihad – Syria Premier

Welcome back to the Track, #14 league in Asia!  That’s just above the 1/3 line, right between Malaysia and India (cricketheads).

With just eight matches to go, #4 Tishreen has no real chance of catching #1 Ittihad for the league’s only Champions League invite.  That said, this match is a tossup today, INHO.  Ittihad lead Al-Jaish by just two in the table.

Fun Fact:  Tishreen means October or November in Arabic. The months then are distinguished by indicating First or Second Tishreen.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Wad Hashim Sennar vs. Merreikh El-Fasher – Sudan Premier

5th-best league in Africa.  Would get a touch more regular coverage if Noob spread his interest and gaze equally over the globe.

Sudan this year has divided its league into two Groups.  The top four of each of these eight it appears make a title playoff.  WHS are just a point on the wrong side of that line in theirs.  Al-Fasher are #B, and Noobstradamus thinks they’ve been overachieving!

I tossed some pepperoni slices into the air.  When they fell, I divined today’s result by meditating on them severely, like over animal entrails in ancient times.  Sennar is destined for victory.  2-0.

RESULT:   WHS   2-0   

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Crystal balls are a bunch of poppycock.

  1. Kiyovu Sports vs. Miroplast – Rwanda National League

Rwanda’s league is ranked in the top half of CAF, if not by much.  They’re about halfway through the season there, and Kiyovu Sport are #4 in one heckuva tight table.  Well, tight at the top.   They should handle Relegation candidates Miroplast with ease.

Fun Fact:  Kiyovu are the only team in RNL history to go undefeated (1990).

RESULT:   Kiyovu   2-0

  1. St. Nevis and Kitts vs Jamaica – international friendly

Where better place to end the Track then in the Caribbean.  Relax.  Rest up for the midweek Edition coming tomorrow.  Have a ginger ale.  Grab a chair.

Noob’s still learning every day, even with close-ish to home-footyball.  Jamaica’s men’s national team is rated #48 in the world and fourth-best in CONCACAF.  There’s a steep dropoff between them and #3 Costa Rica, but still!  St. Nevis and Kitts are #13 in the confederation, FIFA #126.

RESULT:   Jamaica   1-3

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