Tag: Scottish Premiership

’10 to Track’ Sunday (12/2) soccer match previews – Liga MX, Premier League derbies lead the way

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Noob starts local and with Western Europe, but never ignores the world at large.  I hope that means there’s something here for any fan, not just Noobites.

Follow on the tweeterbox @SoccerNoobUSA.  Check back for match results.  And remember to never travel in a straight line.   Noob keeps things weird.

Note:  Noob’s sources for some CONCACAF things are…inconsistent.   The Ascenso MX (Mexican second division) Apertura Finals second leg may be today.  Really good league, probably one of the best five in CONCACAF.  Use your Google machine powers to find out more.

Also, there may be a Nicaraguan semifinal today.   Same CONCACAF weirdness issue on the interblag.

1. Pumas UNAM vs. Tigres UANL– Liga MX

Opening round of the playoffs, leg two! The top eight from the Apertura (first half-season) qualified. Pumas are the third seed, Tigres sixth. The first leg was at UANL and they won 2-1.

All the momentum is with Tigres. They’ve won four straight. Pumas have only managed one win in their last four tries. Winner will get either CF America or underdog Toluca.   (1:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Pumas   3-1      And so they take the series 4-3 and advance

B. Arsenal vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

This is the North London derby. Remember to pronounce that “ar” instead of “er”. You wouldn’t won to sound literate! For the rawest of Noobites, a derby means they’re bigtime rivals.

Being one of Europe’s best leagues, four clubs will qualify from it for the next UEFA Champions League. Noob-dreaded Hotspur are #3, Arsenal #5 with the season just over 1/3 over.

Arsenal lost their first two league matches of the season but quickly righted their ship and haven’t lost since. This, despite the fact that they don’t play quite the same caliber of defense that the other title-contenders do.

Hotspur have won six straight across all competitions. They have proven capable of winning both high and low-scoring affairs, may well be the top threat to #1 Manchester City. They are also named for historic traitor to multiple kings Harry Percy, are worthy of our scorn. Not that this is likely to affect a match result. Noob just can’t help but throw it in there.   (9:05 AM, Telemundo)

RESULT:   Arsenal   4-2        for great justice

Image result for fat controller pissed off

 

 

 

Sir Topham Hatt is displeased by the Harry Percy fawners.

3. RB Leipzig vs. Borussia Monchengladbach – Bundesliga

Germany’s top league has had a topsy turvy table compared to normal this season. Things are starting to look closer to normal, but M’Gladbach is a club they’re not used to seeing so high up. The enter today #B in the table, and it’s no fluke. Good offense, sterling defense. And they’ve won four in a row over all competitions.

Leipzig either play whatever is better than sterling for defense or parks the bus and doesn’t worry much about scoring. Either way, it worked for them early in the season. They’ve lost three of their last four now though and they sit in 5th place. Top four get into the 209-20 Champions League.   (9:30 AM, FS1)

RESULT:   Leipzig   2-0

4. Alaves vs. Sevilla – La Liga

Spain’s is another top flite that’s table has been filled with less-familiar names at the top. Last year, these were the 7th and 14th-placed teams, respectively. Currently they sit #4 and #1. Top four here, too, qualify for the next CL.

Alaves have lost two of three. They’re not consistently dominating teams much further down the table. They appear to have the defense to perhaps flirt with a top-four finish, but Noob’s not banking on it.

Sevilla are really well-balanced. If it weren’t for hard-charging Barcelona, Noob might think they could truly contend for the title. Plus, Real Madrid appear to be waking from their early season slumber. They’re 5th and will climb higher. For the moment, we get enjoy a breath of fresh air, some new scenery at the top of the table.   (2:45 PM, beIN Sports en Español)

RESULT:   1-1

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Eventually we’ll need these again.

5. Celtic vs. Aberdeen – Scottish League Cup

FA Cup – every club that’s a member or associate members of the Scottish Football Association. Challenge Cup – teams from levels 2-4 of the Scottish football pyramid, plus some lower clubs and a few non-Scottish invites.

And then there’s this one! It’s been being contested by the teams from the top four leagues. This is their one-off Final match. It’s in Glasgow, but not at Celtic’s actual home stadium. Not like they need a home-pitch advantage probably, either. They’ve been leading the Premier League there, while Aberdeen are down in 7th.

Celtic have only allowed six league goals all season, 15 matches. That’s insane. But while Celtic should be favored no matter what, Noob doesn’t have a sense of how big a deal this particular Cup is there. Some tournaments, some places, clubs use these as chances to give playing time to bench players.

RESULT:   Celtic   1-0       trophy time!

6. Manchester City vs. Arsenal – England Women’s Soccer League

It’s a battle of the two undefeated teams in the ladies’ top league in England! No one’s even gotten a draw with Arsenal, either. No wonder, they average over four goals per match.

Three teams have gotten draws with Man City. They score over twice as often as any other team in the league – yet only ¾ as much as Arsenal.

RESULT:   Man City   2-0

Image result for White Castle funny

 

Wish I could find the match on TV.   

Ready to party with leftover White Castle.

7. Heredinao vs. Alajuense – Costa Rica Premier

The Final! Noob loves some Costa Rican soccer. This league is every bit as strong as MLS. This is for the Apertura (first half-season) title. And this is the first leg, so they’ll play another match at Alajuense in a few days to complete things.

Alajuense tied for 1st in the regular season table, but lost out on goal differential. They had a quirky 22 matches in that not a single one ended in a draw. No other club had fewer than three.

Herediano tied for 3rd, but entered these Playoffs as the #4 seed, also losing out on GD. They’re a more traditional power there, but weren’t as strong on either side of the ball as their guests today.

RESULT:   Herediano   2-1

8. Deportiva Lara vs. Zamora – Venezuela Premier

Like most or perhaps all Latin American leagues, Venezuela divides their soccer year into separate Apertura and Clausura half-seasons. And for each half, they have a playoffs, crown a champions. But unlike many of those others, here the two tournaments champions face off at year’s end to decide an overall champion. Noob like-y.

Lara won the Clausura playoffs, despite finishing just 4th in the regular season. Zamora finished #B and then won the Apertura playoffs, but weren’t nearly so strong during the Clausura. There, they finished just 7th.

This is a two-legged, home-and-away series for the title. Zamora gets the honor of hosting the second leg, presumably by having the better overall record on the year. Both teams have already qualified for the next Copa Libertadores, so this is strictly for the shiny trophy.

RESULT:   1-1

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The runner-up trophy.

Maybe…

9. Emelec vs. LDU Quito – Ecuador Serie A

Ecuador call their two half-seasons simply Opening and Closing Stages. Concept is the same as Apertura and Clausura though. Or maybe they use those words there and Noob’s sources are just goofy about not translating for Ecuador for some reason. The world is weird.

In any case, there are just two matches to go in the Closing Stage. Opening Stage champions LDU de Quito trail Emelec by two points in the table. As many as four other teams appear mathematically alive for 1st, but one of these two is going to win it.

Emelec haven’t lost in six straight matches. De Quito have also been on a tear. Well, save for a weird loss for soon-to-be-Relegated Tecnico Universitario.

This one’s a big enough match that GOL TV is actually airing it internationally. You’d have to have a deep, deep satellite package to get it here stateside, but it’s on at 12:00 PM.

RESULT:   0-0

10. Basel vs. Young Boys of Bern – Swiss Super League

We finish our Track back in Europe. Noob’s saved this one for last because while it’s an irresistible #B-#1 matchup, there’s no title race going on here.

YBB are ahead by a whopping 13 points in the table less than halfway through the season. That said, Switzerland are a highly-enough ranked league in Europe that they’ll qualify two club into the next Champions League.

Basel have been the more recent studs, but might really only be the fourth-best team this season. The defense is down this season, the offense not enough to make up for that lack.

RESULT:   YBB   1-3

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So long from the Christmas Market in Basel, Switzerland!

 

Home of creepy, nightmare-inducing holiday mushroom figurines.

You’re welcome.

 

Extra Credit:   Liverpool vs Everton – English Premier League, any of the Second Round English FA Cup matches, #3 Hearts vs #2 Rangers – Scottish Premiership,  #4 Anderlecht vs #B Genk – Belgian First Division A

#2 Vidi vs #3 Budapest Honved – Hungarian NB 1, #3 Academy Pandev vs. #B Vardar Skpje – Macedonian Prva Liga, #3 Feyenoord vs. #1 PSV Eindhoven – Dutch Eredivisie, #4 Besiktas vs #3 Galatasaray – Turkish Super Lig

#5 Independiente vs. #6 Boca Juniors – Argentinian Primera, a Peruvian Primera semfinal, #B Al Nassr vs. #4 Al-Wehda – Saudi Premier, #4 Etoile du Sahel vs. #B Sfaxien – Tunisian Ligue 1

Quarterfinal matches from El Salvador and Guatemala, a semifinal from Honduras, #1 Village Superstars vs. #3 St. Paul’s United – St. Kitts and Nevis Premier, plus maybe a final from Panama.  Info on Panama is the worst.

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/3) soccer matches – USL playoffs, Liga MX, Premier League lead the way

Noob endeavors to both help us learn about American soccer and the sport from points around the globe, but also to make it weirdly funny throughout.

Saturdays are hardly devoid my inanity, but MAN are the matches but good.  USL playoffs, Liga MX, Premier League, and a bevy of #1-#B matches.

And resident prognosticator Noobstradamus pops in to share what he knows today!

  1. Orange County vs. Phoenix Rising – United Soccer League playoffs

It’s the Western Conference Final in America’s second division playoffs!

These were the West’s top two scoring clubs during the regular season, and they’ve scored a dozen goals between them in four postseason matches.   Look for a shootout, look for it on ESPN+ (10:00 PM EST).

Winners gets defending champs Louisville FC in the Final   Noob thinks the team with the better seed will host.  O.C. are #1, Phoenix #3.   LFC were #B in the East.

RESULT:   Phoenix   1-2

B.  Arsenal vs. Liverpool – English Premier League

Liverpool is one of the three remaining undefeated teams in the league.   Last year’s star Mo Salah isn’t scoring at nearly the record-breaking clip he did last year, and the goals aren’t being replace elsewhere.

This might be a game where they can break out, though.  Arsenal are in 4th, yet play shite for defense.   That may be hyperbolic.  But not by lots.

On a Noob note:  Tenured Noobites know the scorn I have for Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur.  Named for a two-time historical traitor.   And they name a club after him.  Heathens.

Arsenal is their primary rival.  Yet Noob doesn’t hold them in much higher esteem than any club Hotspur is playing on a given day.   Is Noob doing the soccer wrong?   You can comment on this Post or hit me up on Twitter – @SoccerNoobUSA.   (1:30 PM, NBC)

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Interact with the Noob, or face the crossness

  1. Kashima Antlers vs. Persepolis – AFC Champions League

Time for another final!    This is the first match of a home and away two-legged tie.

Their domestic leagues are ranked closely together.   Japan’s J1 league is deeper than the Persian Gulf Pro League.  Noob would’ve guessed this meant the Iranians were to be favored.   But Noob’s fave site for Elo ratings (footballdatabase.com) is back up after a few scary days down.  It indicates these two are about perfectly equal.

Kashima play more quality competition.  But Persepolis plays fabulous defense.  Noob cannot handicap such an even-looking match!

It’s time to call on the prognostication powers of Ancient and All-Soccer Seeing Noobstradamus.

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It’s strange when a vision takes hold, what seems clear and what is mist.  Even without the hanging scrolls dedicated to Takemikazuchi,  I would know this for Kashima Shinto Shrine.   

 

Kunii Zen’ya I were sparring in classic Kashima Shinryu fashion.  Our swords were appropriately thick bamboo, with large hilts.  The spiraling nature of the discipline’s movements had us starting and finishing in identical positions.  It was a dance, even as we strove to strike one another.

Motion and Stillness.  Origination and Manifestation.  We danced the beginnings of the Universe through the FiveFold laws.  Offense and Defense.  Emptiness and Reality.  Each pairing always as One, just as our whirring swords seems to be One as well.  Yin and Yang as One.  More clacking bamboo.

I let my concentration slip when one of the many birds on the torii we practiced under moved.  CLACK.  Kunii Zen’ya had perfect control of his weapon, specifically chose to strike a whip-fast blow to my sword-arm.  A lesson.  

I bent down to retrieve my own dropped sword when a scroll wafted down in front of me.  The bird had knocked it loose from its hanging, the distraction.

The Shinto teachers say birds are messengers of the gods.   The Scroll read, “Kashima 3, Persepolis 1.”

So shall it be, Noobites.  Unless it’s not.  That’s happened once or twice before.  Don’t bet the farm.   But that’s a true Vision.  Yeah.

RESULT:   Kashima   2-0           Well, got the winner and margin right, anyway.

4.  CF America vs. Toluca – Liga MX

CF America are finally on top of the Mexican top flite table.   Noob says “finally” because e they’ve only lost two matches, yet have been merely lurking just outside that position all Apertura (first half-season) long.   They’re tied with Santos on points, but ahead on tiebreaking goal differential.

Toluca are in 5th.   They were undefeated in September and looking like they could contend for the title until they dropped a 2-0 match to putrid Atlas to end the month.  They’re going to make the Liguilla (postseason, top eight-finish) just about no matter what happens these last three matches.  They’re base stats are nearly as good as CFA’s.

Perhaps Noob’s not allowing that Toluca simply fell asleep for what they thought would be a cakewalk with Atlas.  But with the half-seasons only being 17 matches each, I’d think teams would be on top of their s**t at all times.   (9:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Celtic vs. Hearts – Scottish Premiership

This isn’t one of Europe’s very strongest leagues, but they’re cracking the UEFA top 20 right now!  Also making this match intriguing is who’s #1 in the league right now.

In Noob’s admittedly brief time (a year and change doing this site), this league has always been about Celtic and Rangers.  And it may return to that again soon.  But for now, I’m enjoying seeing some new blood atop the table.  Thank you, Hearts.

Celtic are #B and will remain so no matter who this match turns out.  Both teams are well-balanced, but Celtic really are a shade better on both ends of the field.  At home, they should prevail, pull within a point of the league leaders.

RESULLT:   Celtic   5-0        Edsonne Edouard with a pair of scores

  1. Genk vs. Club Brugge – Belgium First Division A

Brought to you by the Dept. of Redundancy Department, it’s First Division A-time!

Perhaps Noob should not mock so.  It is the #8 league in UEFA, after all.  And lookit!   They brought is a shiny #1 versus #B matchup.  I know just where to display these in my blog-home.

Brugge are your defending champions, but it’s Genk who are undefeated.  Both score an absolute of crapton of goals, far more than any other clubs in this league.  See if you can find yourself an internet stream for this one.  And if their commentary available, let Noob know if the Belgians also enjoy non-standard measurements like “crapton”.

RESULT:   1-1

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David Schwimmer has the right of it.

  1. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Dynamo Kyiv – Ukraine Premier

No new blood atop the table here In the #8 league in Europe.  Yup!   And for being so awesome, they get two slots in the next Champions League.   Unless FC Olexandria continue to surprise, these two will be the recipients of those CL invites.

Donetsk lead #B D.K. by five.  Their 36 goals scored in just 13 matches is so outrageous Noob had to doublecheck.   That’s twice as many as D.K.

Dynamo Kiev do sport the league’s top defense, but barely.  Just above – you guessed it.   Donetsk.  But!  The Dynamo have beaten Donetsk in all three of their last matches.

RESULT:   Shakhtar   2-1        Come from behind win, with the winner being scored at 90′

  1. Atromitos vs. PAOK – Superleague Greece

last season, Atromitos finished 4th, just behind the historic “Big Three” in Greece.   That triumvirate is rarely cracked.  this season so far, They’re #B, and four points up on two of the giants.  Today, they host the other titan, current #1 PAOK, in a battle of the last two undefeated clubs here.

This league will get two CL berths.  Noob thinks the usual suspects are just to balanced to let an interloper like Atromitos stay there long.   Perhaps they can earn a draw at home today, keep the dream alive for another week or more.

RESULT:   1-1

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As always, the Vegas line on will their be rioting and police in gear to stop it is OFF.

  1. Astana vs. Kairat Almaty – Kazakhstan Premier

Our last leg here in Europe takes us down the table to a very average league, but one that is on the rise (#28).

This isn’t a terribly meaningful match, but the siren song of #1 vs. #B is too much for Noob.  The season is already almost done here.  Astana has wrapped up the title and K.A. are cemented at #B.   This is the way of things, at the very least of late, in Kazakhstan football.

RESULT:   Astana   3-2

  1. Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Shanghai SIPG – China Super League

We finish our Saturday Track with one more #1 versus #2.   China’s league gets the maximum two slots in the next Champions League, and these two are all but mathematically locked in.  And to no one’s surprise.  Perennial powerhouses.

But Evergrande only lead SIPG by two in the table, so the title is very much up for grabs!  And SIPG have beaten their guests today in three straight.  Neither team has lost since forever, except three weeks ago when SIPG beat G.E.

RESULT:    SIPG   4-5       SIPG Are now your league #1.    And did you know they have a player who simply goes by “Hulk”?

The Chen Clan's Academy.jpg

 

 

So long from Guangzhou!

The Chen Clan’s Ancestral Hall and folk art museum

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (9/2) – MLS, Liga MX, more theme song work

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  A theme song is deserved.   Yesterday’s attempt was… well, let’s try again.

“Soccernoob rockin’ Amur-IH-cuh-huhuh /

Analysis!  *clap clap*/

Ten matches! *clap clapclap* /

Ordid Noobmiscooowwwwwnt?!  /  *crickets*

Soccernoob rockin’ Amur-IH-CUUUHHHHH!

  1. D.C. United vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

Atlanta’s non-loss streak is up to seven, and yet New York Red Bulls have overtaken them for 1st place.  That they haven’t kept one clean sheet in their last six is mildly troubling, but mitigated by them scoring 2+ in them all.

Ever since Noob pointed out DCU’s unbeaten streak since playing all time English great Wayne Rooney, they’ve done nothing but lose.   It’s only two matches, but they were the only two in this period where they’ve faced really good competition.  It was a nice run up from the Eastern Conference basement to 8th, but the playoffs are looking unlikely now.

(Oh, and next D.C. travels to NYCFC.  Good luck with that.)   (7:30 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT:   D.C.   3-1     Rooney scored or assisted on every goal

Image result for Wayne Rooney annoyed

 

Got something to say to Noob, Rooney?

Go beat a Playoff-caliber team.

B.  Toluca vs. Santos – Liga MX

#10 hosts #4 in match Noob wouldn’t try picking if you threatened him with a whack-a-mole mallet.   (1:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-1

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I’ll make a prediction.  MY calling, after all, Noob.  Don’t make me come over there.

Noobstradamus divines  a win for Santos after their three consecutive draws.

  1. Trinidad and Tobago vs. Jamaica – CONCACAF women’s World Cup qualification

Reminder:  This is also the CONCACAF championships.  Two great footyball tastes tasting great together.  The top three finishers from this Caribbean Zone group of five advance to the “competition proper”, where the North American teams enter this event.

Jamaica is hosting all the matches and their national team leads the Group.  In fact, with just this fourth and final match to play in this stage, they’ve already qualified to advance.  T&T only need a draw to secure their own berth.  A loss and they leave the door open for Bermuda.

These two are FIFA-ranked #’s 50 and 71, respectively.  Jamaica has run roughshod over everyone so far.  T&T must keep the score low to hope for any kind of result.

RESULT:   Jamaica   1-4       Both teams advance to the next round

  1. Burnley vs. Manchester United – English Premier League

Last season, Man U had a fine enough season finishing #B, even as their intracity rivals at City were having a record one.

But right now they are a hot mess.  Starting the season with a home win over Leicester was expected.  A road loss to Brighton and Hove Albion was far less so.  Giving up three goals was a red flag.  Then getting crushed at home by Noob-reviled and traitorously named Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur 0-3 has to have them wondering if their new head coach is paying attention.

Burnley have stunk.  Who will right their ship?   0-0 draw anyone?   (11:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Man Utd.   0-2

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Wow, just think how cross Sir Topham Hatt gets when Hotspur’s actually playing.

  1. Celtic vs. Rangers – Scottish Premiership

There are basically ever two named to know in Scotland – these.   #1 and #B last season.  It’s very early in this campaign, but they’re both just sitting midtable.  The issue for both has been middling defensive play.

RESULT:   Celtic   1-0

  1. Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Spartak Moscow – Russian Premier

Here in Europe’s 6th-ranked league, traditional powers are performing as they should.  Zenit are running people over, 5-0-0 with a 10-1 GD.  Spartak are tied for #B, have played one less game than peer Rostov.  Their offense is not Zenit’s, but the defense has been just as good.

RESULT:   0-0

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Is it too late for Noob to get 2018 World Cup souvenir Matryoshka dolls?

  1. Dinamo Zagreb vs. Rijeka – Croatia First Division

For al Croatia’s success in the World Cup, their domestic league is still trying to catch up a wee bit with the bigger boys.   At UEFA-ranking #16, they are the best league that still gets just one invitation to Champions League.

With one less match played than Osijek, D.Z. is still tied with them for #1.  Rijeka are also a match off and are just two points back in 3rd.  These two will overtake the table’s top, and sooner rather than later.    Dinamo sport the top D in the land, while Rijeka have the best balance.  (Osijek’s mediocre defense will catch up to them.)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Hapoel Be’er Sheva vs. Maccabi Tel Aviv – Israel Premier

Last year’s #1 and #B face off here at beginning of Europe’s (well, UEFA’s) #18 league.  If little to nothing has changed, MTA will have a hard time scoring today.  Everyone had that trouble last year with HBS.

MTA were the second-best D, so this match may not see lots of goals.  But it’s a desperately important match, even this early in their season.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for geography wrong funny Israel

Hey, you let Israel play in UEFA and all bets are OFF.

  1. Ferencvaros vs. MOL Vidi – Hungary NB 1

Not that Hungarian football is on the radar of many (UEFA rank #36), but just in case:   MOL Vidi was Videoton last year.   Sponsorship change = name change.

These two finished 2017-18 #B and #1, and that is always on Noob’s radar!  Statistically they were nearly carbon copies of one another.  No other clubs threatened them.  They’re also both undefeated early this season.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Nomme JK Kalju vs. Flora Tallinn – Estonia MeistrilIIga

The capital I’s in the league name are Noob’s own addition.  Just look at them.  A symmetrical, beautiful pair.  Perfection.

With ¾ of the season in the books, Kalju have a five-point lead in the table on today’s visitors.  The only other team in contention is FCI Levadia.   This match is the classic best offense versus best defense.  If Flora loses, that may mean the title is all but decided.

RESULT:   1-1

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Pope John Paul II is down with the double i’s.

  1. Gyeongnam vs. Jeonbuk – South Korea K-League 1

What madness is this?  11??

Occasionally, it’s just too hard to pare down to ten.   Just look at the matches I had to cut:

Three USL matches (though none of highest import; AS Monaco vs. Marseille (last year’s Ligue 1 #B vs. #4); Alajuense vs. Saprissa (Costa Rica’s #1 and #3); Brondby vs. Midtjylland (Denmark’s #3 and #B); Siroki Brijeg vs. Zeljeznicar (Bosnia and Herzegovina’s #3 and #B); and two top-four matchups from Norway’s Eliteserien.

This is yet another #B versus #1 match.  Even though Jeonbuk have already sown up 1st place, such still gets Noob’s salivary glands watering.

Plus, The Management is in South Korea right now!  He flew into Incheon, which has the worst football club there this year.  I tried to tell him where the better footyball was being played, but does he listen to Noob?

RESULT:   Jeonbuk   0-3

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So long from Erwangni Beach, Incheon, Korean Republic!

’10 to Track’ midweek Edition soccer matches – US Open Cup Semis lead the way

The ten most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

As the big Euro leagues start to roust themselves, it’s getting harder to justify a single Midweek Edition Track!  Soon, there will be re-expansion.

For now, Noob remains efficient.  Match previews are now posted through Wednesday.

Twitter:  @SoccerNoobUSA

Tuesday

  1. Dorados de Sinaloa vs. CF America – Copa MX

Welcome back to the Apertura (first half-season) Mexican FA Cup.   We’re still in the Group Stage – nine pods of three teams playing a single-round robin, with winners and the seven best runners-up advancing.

Veracruz lost both of their matches so far, so one of these two will win the Group.  Cups tournaments, for Noob, are all about looking for Minnow until their late stages.  Sinaloa is our underdog del dia.  They finished #B in their Clausura in the Ascenso MX (second tier) last season.

CF America is really good, so los Dorados will need all the home pitch advantage they can squeeze out of today.   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   0-0      With a match to go, these two have now both clinched at least runner-up status in the Group.  Still, two of the runners-up in this stage will not advance, so all still bears watching.

B.  Chelsea vs. Lyon – International Champions Cup

Most teams that aren’t already done are playing their third and final matches of this event.  That is the case for these two.  It’s just glorified friendlies, so the results don’t matter really, but these two are tied for 10th.  This is a home match for Chelsea, which is weird for this event.

Soon, their leagues will begin, so maybe the club will actually start their real lineups.   (3:00 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-0  /  5-4  pk

Image result for letter B sunglasses

 

 

Number B, already keepin’ it real.

Charming the ladies.  Unlike that poser Number Two.

 

Wednesday

  1. Houston Dynamo vs. LAFC – U.S. Open Cup

It’s the Semifinals of America’s FA Cup today!  This is a knockout format, so no return leg to Los Angeles.

Both teams have been on skids in MLS.  Houston has lost three in a row, sunk all the way to 10th place in the West.  Since they’re almost certainly not Playoff-bound, perhaps this means they’ll be super focused on chasing this trophy.  Not every team is necessarily.

That brings us to LAFC, who are also winless in their last three.  They’re in 4th out West, seem very much in line for a postseason berth.  That’s hardly guaranteed, but they are also shooting for a top two-seed, good for one or more home pitch Playoff games.

LAFC seems more likely to sprinkle in more reserves and/or subs today.  between that and the GD between these two not being too far apart – despite the difference in table position – and Noob finds himself believing in Houston.  Not that Noob would ever, ever root for a city built on a swamp.  Down with bad urban planning!  (Don’t judge me poorly.  That cause is JUST.)

RESULT:   Houston   3-3  /  7-6  pk       Diego Rossi had all three goals for LAFC in the loss.

  1. Utah Royals vs. Washington Spirit – National Women’s Soccer League

This isn’t likely a match with playoff implications, but expansion Utah isn’t totally out of that picture.  The top four will advance.  Utah is in 6th, and got a surprising point two matches ago against might NC Courage.  They followed that up with a solid road win at so-so Houston.

Washington has lost six straight and sit in second-to-last.  They’re so bad, Noob wonders if they would even beat MLS’ D.C. United…

OK, that was mean.  But was it unfair?

RESULT:   Utah   1-0

Image result for that was mean

 

You’re no Richard Dawson!!  

Get off Noob’s back, Harvey.

  1. UNAL Tigres vs. Tapachula – Copa MX

The Group Stage rolls onward!  Nine pods of three.  Double round robin format.  All winners and seven runners-up will advance.

Tapachula are one of the two Ascenso MX clubs in Group 9.  We Tracked them once already this stage, so we’re going to have some fun continuing to follow them. They got a draw in their first match with San Luis.  They’ve been on a great roll, having won the 2017-18 Clausura Ligulla.

UNAL needs to show why they’re a Liga MX team today, after dropping their first match to San Luis.

RESULT:   0-0     

  1. Celtic vs. AEK Athens – UEFA Champions League

This is the Third Qualifying Round.  After this, there is a Playoff Round to determine final entrants into the Group Stage, where the big boys of Europe enter the tournament.

This round is where Athens enters as the Greek Super League (15-ranked) champs.  Celtic, out of Scotland’s league (ranked #26) entered two rounds ago, has so far clobbered Armenian and Norwegian teams.

Despite the difference in league ranking, Celtic is the more accomplished team internationally in recent years, should be favored by a goal at home.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for AEK supporters riot

 

 

But are you ready for the standard Greek fans, Scotland?

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Toronto FC – Canadiaian Championship

This is just a four-team affair between Canadia’s three MLS teams and the USL’s Ottawa Fury.  The winner gets Canadia’s berth into the CONCACAF Champions League though.  As the country’s soccer federation soon has it’s own broader league (though without the MLS teams), Noob wonder’s if this Championship will field a lot more clubs in the coming years.

Vancouver is 7th place in MLS’ Western Conference, fighting for a top six regular season finish and Playoff berth.  Will they play all starters here?  Toronto are 9th in the east.  As they made the Final of the last CONCACAF CL and are less likely to get an MLS playoff berth, perhaps the will be more inclined to throw total effort into this affair.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Independiente – Sugura Bank Championship

This is a strange annual match.  It’s always in Japan, so Noob assumes sponsor Sugura Bank just pays both teams a pile of yen to show up for a glorified friendly.

This pits the J.League Cup winner – not the J.League regular season champ – from last year against the defending Copa Sudamericana (South America’s answer to Europa League) titleholder.

To give some idea of the relative strengths of the clubs, know that C.Osaka would be among the very favorites to win MLS if they played here.  And Argentina’s Independiente would probably beat them about 2/3 of the time on neutral pitches.

RESULT:   Independiente   0-1

Image result for scrooge mcduck pile of money gif

 

 

Winners get to go to the bank CEO’s house, go full Scrooge McDuck dive into a bottomless pit of yen.

  1. Home United vs. Ceres-Negros FC – AFC Cup

This is Asia’s secondary Cup tournament for clubs, though not really analogous to Europa League or Copa Sudamericana.  Clubs participating in this qualify out of countries identified by the AFC as soccer “developing” and “emerging” soccer nations.   Google up the criteria specifics if you are so inclined Noobites.  We streamline things here.

There are five geographically-based “zones” out of which clubs will advance to Inter-Zonal Finals and then final Finals.  This match is the second leg of the ASEAN (southeast Asia) Zonal Final.  They drew the first match.

Home United qualified by finishing 3rd in Singapore’s top league, which is ranked just above average in Asia.  This would not be high enough, but the champs are a Japanese club satellite team, and so ineligible for international competition.  The #B team got into AFC Champions League.

Ceres-Negros are from the Philippines, the runaway winners of their slightly better top-flite league.  It is ranked #17 in Asia.  They actually played in the pre-Group Stage of the AFC CL, but didn’t make the Group Stage, so they can still play in this one.  That’s nice.

RESULT:   Home   2-0

Thursday

  1. Cerro Porteño vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

The Round of 16 in South America’s version of Champions League is here.  This is the first match of the two-legged tie for these two.

Palmeiras qualified for the CL by finishing runner up in Brazil’s Serie A last year.  They went undefeated in the Group Stage to get to this Round, with an average match result of a two-goal victory per.

Paraguay’s top entrant finished #B in their Group, even goal differential.  They’re good.  But even at home, their only maybe an even match for their guests today.  The winner will take on either Chile’s Colo-Colo or Corinthians from Brazil – a traditional behemoth either way.

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

Image result for General Pablo Rojas Stadium

 

 

So long from La Olla Nueva, Asuncion, Paraguay!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Tuesday (5/8) – US Open Cup leading the way

Wednesday in particular is going to be SO chock full of exceptional matches that Noob is expanding the usual three-day, one-post Midweek Edition into three full days!

I’ll wait for the applause to die down.

OK, splendid.  Onward and upward to the ten most important matches for us, the newish Americans fans of the global game – to follow!

  1. Portland Timbers U23 vs. Kitsap Pumas – U.S. Open Cup

It’s not so much that this one particular match is “important”, but Noob felt it was past time to post that the event had started.  And it’s the only match from the event today.

This is America’s FA Cup.  Competing are the 20 US-based MLS clubs, 22 of the second-division USL teams.  Also in – through qualification rounds – are 41 teams from the unofficial fourth tier (there is no “third tier”) NPSL and PDL and 13 from local amateur leagues.

Kitsap (Bremerton, WA) are here from the Northwest Conference of the NPDL, winners of the playoffs there.  Portland’s most seasoned youth squad won the Northwest Division playoffs in the PDL to get in.  This is the First Round.  The winner will take on Reno 1868 out of the USL.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Nothing.  I have a policy of not prognosticating when kiddins are involved.

RESULT:   PTU23   5-0

Image result for kids gambling funny

 

 

 

 

Only madness can ensue from such.

B.  Swansea City vs. Southampton – English Premier

Probably about a quarter billion pounds on the line.  Two matches to go, and these two are tied in the table for 17th.  Southampton lead on GD.  Bottom three of the 20 clubs get Relegated to the second tier Championship League next season, so they’re straddling that line.

Swansea haven’t won a match since early March.  Southampton actually have a win and a draw in their last two games.   (2:45 PM Eastern, NBCSN)

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1.  More tension!

RESULT:   Southampton   0-1   And with that, West Brom are now Relegated along with Stoke City.  One more to be determined.

Image result for letter B gif

 

 

Number B, adding to the tension and high drama.

  1. Les Herbiers vs. Paris Saint-Germain – Coupe de France

Minnow madness!   Les Herbiers are from the third tier of French football.  And they’re on the edge of being Relegated down another level this season.  Yet here they are!   Technically, this is at a neutral site, but only in that it is not on PSG’s home pitch.  But it is in Paris.   (3:05 PM, beIN Sports)

Noobstradus Sees:   I’m not telling!  Because I want to be wrong.  PSG are tops in all France.

RESULT:   PSG   0-2

  1. Aberdeen vs. Rangers – Scottish Premier

Two matches to go, and these two are #B and #3, separated in the table by just a point.  Hibernian lurk just two more points back, looking to steal one of their Europa League bids should either falter.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Aberdeen 2-0        Rangers are going to be a mess, as their going through a late-season managerial change.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for aragorn fallen off cliff

 

Falling off a cliff will mess up a Ranger as well.

  1. Buriram United vs. Jeonbuk – AFC Champions League

It’s the Round of 16, first leg.  These two are entrants from the #9 and #4 leagues in Asia.  Noob’s doubtful either can reach beyond the next round, so let’s pay them attention while we can.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Jeonbuk 1-2     The top leagues in Asia are simply much better.

RESULT:   Buriram   3-2

  1. Al-Ain vs. Al-Duhail – AFC Champions League

Your undercard today from this tournament is a tough one to handicap.  Al-Ain – from UAE – only snuck in because the qualifying 3rd-place team from the top league there last year merged with a different club.  They have to exist as they are for three years to be eligible.

Duhail are here by virtue of winning last year’s top league in Qatar.

Noobstradamus Sees:   The crystal ball is cloudy.  Either there’s not enough of a sample size with Al-Ain to know how good they might be, or I need to find some Windex.

RESULT:   Duhail   2-4

Image result for bad merger funny

 

 

Crazy-bad merger idea

  1. Debrecen vs. Puskas FK Academy – Hungary FA Cup

These two mid-table teams from Hungary’s top division are facing off in a Semifinal.  Puskas took the first leg 4-0.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Puskas 1-3     Until their last match, they’d been in a seven-match unbeaten streak.  Debrecen have been going the opposite way.

RESULT:   Debrecen   2-0    But Puskas advance on aggregate, 4-2.

  1. Cobh Ramblers vs. Longford Town – League of Ireland Cup

This is not the country’s FA Cup.  Rather, mostly only teams from the top two divisions complete.  They invite a few lower division and even junior teams sometimes to round things out.  This is a Quarterfinal, featuring two second-tier sides.  They are #8 and #6 in their league, respectively.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Longford  0-1!   Apparently Rambling doesn’t involve scoring much, but Cobh hasn’t much all season.

RESULT:   Cobh   2-0

Image result for rambling bad funny

 

 

 

[insert self-deprecating joke about Noob’s own rambling HERE]

  1. Atletico MG vs. San Lorenzo – Copa Sudamericana

It seems odd to Noob these two would be meeting in the First Stage.  These are the top two entrants from South America’s top two countries, Brazil and Argentina.   Maybe it’s a completely random draw.  Weirdness.  Also, it’s the only one of the three matches from this event today not televised on a network one might get here in America.  More weirdness.

Aaaanywho, this is South America’s equivalent of Europa League.  San Lorenzo won the first leg 1-0.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …this very even matchup ending as it should.  Atletico 1-0. then winning it in PK’s.

RESULT:   0-0    San Lorenzo advances on aggregate, 1-0.

  1. Al Quwa Al Jawiya vs. Al Ahed – AFC Cup

This isn’t really analogous to Europa League, other than that this is a secondary tournament to the AFC Champions League.  Top teams from leagues in what their confederation has deemed “developing soccer countries” play in this one.

AQAJ – out of the Iraqi Premier – have won the last two years.   They are also the defending champions of AFC’s #11 league.  Ahed are undefeated this year in the Lebanese Premier (league #21).

Noobstradamus Sees:  Nothin’.  Qawa Jawiya are messing with the Scrabble-part of my prognosticating brain.

RESULT:   AQAJ   3-1

Image result for iraq goodbye funny

 

 

 

So long from Iraq, Noobites!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (4/30) – MLS rolls on, western UEFA leagues in the home stretches

Noob is here.  And he’s in effect.  Makin’ you work up a sweat…

OK, that’ll make comparatively more sense soon.

The 10 most important matches for us, the newish American fans, to follow!   Let’s push right into them.

  1. NYCFC vs. Dallas – MLS

At time of posting, NYCFC lead the Eastern Conference.  If Atlanta United come back against Montreal impact, they could be tied or in position #B.  Dallas are #3, but could get jumped by New York Red Bulls tonight.

Dallas crapped the bed the entire final stretch last season, wasting an otherwise strong season and just missed the Playoffs.  But they’re defense is stepped up and then some now; they’ve given up just three goals so far in ’18.

NYCFC can dominate on either side of the ball, will likely try to push the pace at home.

RESULT:   NYCFC   3-1

Image result for push it real good animated gif

 

 

Dare Noob say?

Push it real good.

B.  Manchester United vs. Arsenal – English Premier

It’s mathematically possible for #B Man Utd. to still fall out of the top four and miss the next Champions League.  Noob could also win Powerball and fulfill his dream of travelling by John Madden-style super-bus to the annual Scrabble tournament in Homer, Alaska.

It’s not my only dream.  But it IS a dream.

Arsenal are in 6th, locked in for Europa League.

RESULT:   Man Utd   2-1     Man U gets the winner in second half injury time!

Image result for letter B dream

 

 

 

Noob also dreams of Number B.

  1. Lyon vs. Manchester City – UEFA women’s Champions League

The first leg of the Semifinal went scoreless.  The three-time defending champions will find the back of the net at home though, win through.   It’s like American women’s college basketball.  There’s just not a lot of parity in the game yet.

RESULT:   Lyon   1-0

  1. Celtic vs. Rangers – Scottish Premier

Celtic just hosted Rangers two matches ago.  Weird.  Celtic lambasted them 4-0.

Anywho!  Celtic are on the edge of wrapping up the league title.  Rangers have slipped to 3rd, and could miss even Europa League if they don’t get it together.  But getting it together doesn’t happen for others at Celtic.

RESULT:   Celtic   5-0

Image result for aragorn football ranger

 

 

Wrong Ranger, wrong kit, Viggo.

  1. Galatasaray vs. Besiktas – Turkey Super Lig

Galatasaray and Fenerbahce are tied for 1st.  Besiktas and Istanbul Basaksehir are tied for 3rd.  This is going to be an epic league title finish!

And Noob is far from certain Galatasaray are going to get the story ending they want.  They’ve been inconsistent at best down the stretch.  They fare well enough against quality teams, but keep losing to garbage teams near or at the table’s bottom.

Besiktas, meanwhile, have won four straight.  But they haven’t beaten a good team since February.

RESULT:   Galatasaray   2-0

  1. Ajax vs. AZ Alkmaar – Netherlands Eredivisie

Just the top two Dutch teams get into Champions League these days.  Alkmaar are running out of time to be one.  They’re five points down in the table to Ajax for that second slot.  (And Eindhoven have already won the league.)

RESULT:   Ajax   3-0

Image result for az alkmaar funny

 

 

For-real photo of AZ goalie fighting off a charging Ajax fan.

  1. APOEL Nicosia vs. Apollon Limassol – Cyprus First Division

Cyprus?  Yip!  This league just cracked the top 20 in UEFA rankings.

APOEL took the regular season title, but Apollon Limassol has overtaken them now that the league is divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions.  The new leaders have won five straight league matches.  Given how they’re beating teams on both offense and defense handily, they’re looking likely to hold onto the league’s lone Champions League berth.

RESULT:   APOEL   2-1   And into the lead by a point!

  1. FCSB vs. Cluj – Romania Liga I

It’s a similar story here as in Cyprus.  Cluj won the regular season battle, but FCSB have passed them in the Championship Playoffs.

It’s not like Cluj has been losing.  To anyone.  They’ve simply become a sister-kissing machine – nothing but draws of late nearly.  FCSB haven’t loss since February themselves, and have the momentum and home pitch advantage today.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for kissing machine

 

No…

 

No!

  1. LDU de Quito vs. Barcelona SC – Ecuador Serie A

Noob transitions you out of Europe with a match featuring a club named for a European club.  No sense disorienting any Noobites on a Sunday.

They’re ten games into the First Stage of the 2018-season.  #1 BSC sports the best offense and defense so far.  #B LDU de Quito will be their toughest test so far.  Only one team from Ecuador qualifies for Copa Libertadories, South America’s version of Champions League.

RESULT:   Quito   2-1

  1. Jeonbuk vs. Suwon Bluewings – South Korea K League 1

This is South Korea’s top-flight league.  Last year this was “K-League Classic”.

Defending champs Jeonbuk and #B Suwon have each lost only once nine games into this season.  Both losses were to crap teams, but right during AFC Champions League qualification.  Noob wonders if either was even playing starters.

Jeonbuk have scored the most so far, and have only allowed four goals to date.  Noob sees no reason to think Suwon will upset them at home.

RESULT:   Suwon   2-0

Image result for Jeonbuk champions

’10 to Track’ soccer matches- Weekend Edition – Premier League, MLS, all the finest

The ten most important matches for the newish North American fan to follow.  Our quest is noble.

  1. Chicago Fire vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

The Fire placed 3rd in the Eastern Division last season, and unless team make-up has changed a lot, they will play things wiiiiiide open.  KC finished 5th in the weaker Western.

The Management has strong KC ties.   Noob has yet to decide if he will openly root against The Management’s teams on principle, cheer along with him (Unlikely!), or modestly heckle.  For today, I’ll just say this:  If Chicago score first, KC will get routed.  (6:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   3-4    KC     (KC scored first)

Image result for heckling meme

 

 

Apparently, Noob’s late to this party.

B.  Tigres UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

Noob loves Liga MX more and more each passing day.  They play about the same number of games as other premier leagues (34), but when the season is divided into two separate halves, every game means so much more.

They’re 10 games into the Clausura (second half-season), and things are tight as a tick in the table.  Only eight points separate 1st from 13th.  These two are 5th and 7th.  Top eight will get to play in the postseason Liguilla.

The hosts have some trouble on the defensive side of things, but that makes this a good matchup for them.  Tijuana apparently just like to kick the ball as high as they can all game long.  Only 16 goals have been scored in their 10 matches.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes, Univision)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

Image result for mexican letter B

 

 

Number B is so ready.

  1. Manchester United vs. Liverpool – English Premier

At #B and #3, both these clubs are looking safe for a top four-finish and invites to the Champions League.  Man Utd. like a lower-scoring game, at least compared to other top clubs.  Noob looks for 1-0 Red Devils win.

RESULT:   Man Utd.    2-1

  1. Sevilla vs. Valencia – La Liga

Spain’s top-flight league gets four Champions League invites, and Valencia seem set for that 4th.  They’re six points up on 5th-place Sevilla.  They need more than a draw.  Anything but a win and they’ll for certain be settling for Europa League.

RESULT:   Valencia   0-2

Image result for sevilla fc meme

 

 

 

Layers of confusion.

 

 

Sunday, 3/11

  1. Atlanta United vs. D.C. United – MLS

What a treeee-mendous first season Atlanta had!   4th place in the brutally tough East.  Pretty much filling up the lower bowl at the NFL Falcons’ home stadium.  Just think where they might be in a few years.

Hopefully someplace good.  Unlike long-timers D.C. United.  They crapped the bed to a dismal last-place finish.   (3:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   Atlanta   3-1     The Capitol-crapping continues

  1. Borussia Dortmund vs. Eintracht Frankfurt – Bundesliga

Likely the most important game on the globe this weekend.  League titles mean a lot, but those seem to be decided for most of the big Euro leagues.  Getting to Champions League is what counts.

These two are tied for 3rd, and three more teams lurk no more than three points behind them.  American superstar Christian Pulisic and Dortmond will be looking to make this a battle of offense today.  Frankfurt won’t be able to keep up.   (1:00 PM, FS2, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Dortmund   3-2      High drama!  Frankfurt gets the equalizer a minute into stoppage time, then Dortmund gets the winner at 90+5.

Image result for christian pulisic funny

 

 

They grow up SO fast!

  1. Inter Milan vs. Napoli – Serie A

If the above is most important, it’s #7 here giving them a run.

Napoli lead the Italian league by a point, but they’ve also played one more game than #B Juventus.  Inter are just one point behind Lazio for the league’s last Champions League berth.  They play the same defense, but Napoli score half again as often.   (3:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Rangers vs. Celtic – Scottish Premiership

The sand is running out of the glass on Rangers.  They’re just six points behind Celtic for 1st (and the league’s only C.L. spot), but few other teams have the capability to beat Celtic.  They’ll only face off one more time after today.  Realistically, Rangers have to have a win and three points here.

RESULT:   2-3   Celtic

Image result for great scottish food

 

 

 

Wait, those can’t be Scottish.  They look edible.

  1. Jorge WIlstermann vs. Bolivar – Bolivia Premier

This is the Apertura (first half-season), and oh my have they changed formats.  While the Clausura will still be played under a more typical round-robin system, right now they league is split into two groups of seven.  The top four from each group will advance to a Knockout tournament.

Aaaaanyway.  These two are tied for 1st in their Group.

RESULT:   JW   4-2

  1. PAOK vs. AEK Athens – Superleague Greece

#2 hosts #1!   Just what’s needed – added pressure.  PAOK fans will fight just about anywhere, anytime as is.  The club has already had two points in the table deducted for hooligan fans.  They’re five behind AEK.

RESULT:   0-0      Best of all, Noob heard of no fan maimings

Image result for paok hooligans

Actual photo from fighting before a PAOK-AEK game.   

We should NEVER have sent Greece those Karate Kid VHS tapes.

’10 to Track’ for wknd 12/30-31 – a double dose of Premier League

The weekend – when 10 to Track gets serious on the league action.  The most important matches of the weekend await us, newish American soccer fans!  Let’s finish 2017 strong, and even with a nostalgia-link at the end.

Saturday, 12/30

  1. Liverpool vs. Leicester City – English Premier League

The EPL sends four teams to Champions League next season.  The two Manchester clubs and Chelsea are going to be there.  The most serious question regards that fourth slot.  Liverpool hold it now, but Burnley and accursed Tottenham are breathing down their necks.

Leicester, meanwhile, sits in 8th.  And a they’re a far cry from 7th, the lowest position in the table that might get a Europa League berth.  They haven’t won in their last three league matches.  The home draw against Man Utd. was solid enough, but the preceding loss to Crystal Palace was putrid.

RESULT:   Liverpool   2-1     They remain in 4th and 8th.  Liverpool gets some breathing room from Tottenham though.

B.  Bristol City vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – English Championship League

Since scouting this game a few days ago, Bristol have moved up from 4th into a tie for 2nd.  Since Wolverhampton are dominantly in 1st place, we’re treated to the sweetest of matchups!

The top two from ECL are automatically promoted to Premier League at season’s end.  Wolverhampton’s built themselves a nice cushion in the table.  They score more and give up fewer goals than all other league teams.  Meanwhile, Bristol’s in a dogfight for that second slot.

RESULT:   Wolverhampton   1-2

Image result for wolverhampton funny

 

 

Hold on, is Billy Zane at least still doing the Georgia Gold commercials?

  1. Inter Milan vs. Lazio – Serie A

Things are tight at the top of this league’s standings.  Lazio still holds the top spot, having lost only once all season.

3rd-place Inter’s lost their last two league matches, plus their Coppa match to AC Milan.  If “the Big Grass Snake” want to stay in the top four and qualify for Champions League next year, they’ve got to start finding the back of the net again.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Celtic vs. Rangers – Scottish Premiership

Celtic are doing Celtic things again this year.  Score the most, give up the fewest goals.  One loss.  Eight-point lead in the table.  Even with the second-best offense in the league, this may not be close for 3rd-place Rangers.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for celtic women funny

 

I re-watched your entire series two years ago!  Doesn’t that earn Noob some pants-leeway?

  1. Motagua vs. Real España – Honduras National League

The Apertura Final!   Real topped Motagua 2-0 in the first leg of this postseason championship tournament.  These teams were 2nd and 4th in the league regular season, but nearly identical statistically.  Two goals are a big deficit to overcome in this setting, even at home.

RESULT:   2-1  (aet)    But Real España is the champion!  After 90 minutes, it was Motagua 2-0.  Since that only tied the score on aggregate, they played extra time, where Real scored the only goal.

  1. Caldas vs. Académica – Portugal FA Cup

This is the last match in the Round of 16 for the Taça de Liga.  And we get treated to a Minnow Watch!

Caldas is a middling team from third-tier Campeonato de Portugal.   They’re matched up against a very successful second-tier side in Académica.  Should Caldas win, a Campeonato team will be guaranteed to make the Semifinals.  Fellow league side Farense will get the winner of this match in the Quarters.

RESULT:   Caldas   1-1  /  4-2  pk

Image result for caldas sc 2017 crest

 

 

All those tiny little castles.  Looks like a Lego set.

  1. Feirense vs. Oliveirense – Portugal League Cup

This is not the same event as above.  This, the Taça de Liga, only includes teams from the top two leagues in the nation.  Only the top team from each Group of four in this event will advance.

LigaPro (second-tier) Oliveirense are tied for 1st  in their Group, but they hold the goal differential-tiebreaker.  Win and they’re probably in the Semis.   Stunning, given that they’re having an awful year in their league.   The Primera hosts here need to win big and get some help from another match result.

RESULT:   2-2    And so Oliveirense advance!

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  1. Al Ahly vs. Atletico Madrid – international friendly

Egyptian and Spanish giants face off in a charity match, with the proceeds going to the families of Egyptians killed by terrorist acts.  It’s hard to imagine either team using starters for very long, but “peace against terrorism” as a theme makes this a worthwhile Track for Noob.

RESULT:   Ateltico   2-3

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…for the cause of peace against terrorism.

 

 

Sunday, 12/31

  1. West Bromwich Albion vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

Arsenal is all the way up to a tie for 5th after a poor start to the season, haven’t lost since 12/2.  But only the top four will get into next season’s Champions League.

West Brom have as few losses as 10th-place Watford, yet are in 19th.  Soooo many draws.  They have trouble scoring, but hosting makes this intriguing.  Arsenal don’t play nearly the defense as other clubs near the top of the table.

RESULT:   1-1  

  1. Grenades vs. Parham – Antigua and Barbuda Premier

3rd hosts 2nd place in a paradise.  Here’s what you need to know about Parham FC.  Ah, sweet revisiting of a classic D-Twosday Interview.

RESULT:   Parham   0-1

http://www.soccernoob.com/2017/11/07/d-two-sday-interview-judge-margo-k-brodie-nasl-ruling/