Sporting KC Archives

1. Sporting Kansas City vs. San Jose Earthquakes – U.S. Open Cup

It’s not clear to me how seriously teams take this event since it’s during the MLS regular season. I suspect they care more than European teams do over their Super Cups.

B. Juarez vs. Guadalajara – Copa MX (group stage)

Juarez finished 4^th in the tier two Ascenso MX last season (Well, half season. More on that another time.). They’ve probably got a lot more than they can handle in last season’s Liga MX 5^th place side. But Juarez gets to host, so fun to see if this minnow can swim.

I know they call smaller league teams minnows in England. I wonder if it’s used in Mexico. “Pececillos”. Let’s practice.

“Por que tengo pececillos in mis pantalones?” *nod*

Excelente.

3. Palmeiras vs. Barcelona SC – Copa Libertadores

Most competitive-looking of the Round of 16 games slated for today.

4. Colchester United FC vs. Aston Villa – EFL Cup

Colchester plays in League Two, three levels off Premiere. The Noob thinks they reside in the professional dregs because of their crappy nickname – “the U’s”. They were or are also The Eagles, and their badge actually has a Roman eagle standard. Infinitely cooler.

Image result for roman eagle standard

[Actual photo preceding The Battle of Teuteborg Forest]

The Noob loves his history.

5. Vissel Kobe vs. Kashima Antlers – J-League

The Management, as we’ve learned previously, is a big Japanophile. The Noob is afeared of mighty retribution if he fails to Track a J-League game and one or more is available. His wrath may be swift and terrible!

Maybe we can crowdfund a gift certificate to a soapland for The Management’s trip to Land of the Rising Sun.

6. Honduras Progreso vs. Chorrillo – CONCACAF League (group stage)

Count thy blessings, Panamanian Chorrillo team. You’re only in this thing because The National Football Federation of Guatemala was suspended from all international competitions over political interference of some kind by your actual government.

Oh and leave Belize alone. American Realtors have 6% to keep earning.

Image result for belize independence

7. Ludogorets Razgrad vs. Botev Plovdiv – Bulgairan Super Cup

You can’t end so many words in V, Bulgarian Soccer! Learn you some American.

8. APOEL Nicosia vs. Apollon Limassol – Cypriot Super Cup

I -think- this in @ Nicosia. I blame Turkey for interfering, as usual in Cyprus.

9. Unversidad de Catolica vs. Talca – Copa Chile (Round of 16)

If you don’t think the Noob likes writing “Cope Chile”, you don’t know me. Of course, I don’t know me. I’m so tired all the time.

Night/overnight job.

Kindergartner daughter.

Severe sleep apnea.

What is this place? Where are my pants? Did I have a good time?

10. Toronto FC II vs. Charlotte Independence – USL

Because American Tier Two soccer r00ls. And Canadia.

1. Netherlands vs. Denmark Final!! – UEFA Women’s Euro 2017

This event should’ve had a sponsor. Germany has been the reigning champ for 22 years, so now the Final should have one. Since I’m sure it’s too late to make a corporate entity cough up money, I hereby declare this to the The Treaty of Versailles UEFA Women’s Euro 2017 Final.

B. Arsenal vs. Chelsea – FA Community Shield (Super Cup)

Eventually someone’s going to have to explain to me what the deal with shields is. Right now it burns me up.

3. NYCFC vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

Now, if the team gets an actual shield, then we’re talking! If I were a player and got the Shield for a day, know where I’d take it? You’re darn right, a Rennaisance Faire. I’m running a sword through the gullet of some Medieval Literature grad student, then drinking honey mead while I clean my Shield.

4. Portland Timbers vs. L.A. Galaxy – MLS

*smokes a cigarette* #3 was awesome.

5. Sporting Kansas City vs. Atlanta United – MLS

Awesome matchup. KC is #1 in the weaker Western Division. Atlanta is #5 in the Eastern, but has only two fewer points with one less game played.

Avis and The Management adopt all things Kansas City.

6. Toluca vs. Atlas – Liga MX

See, soccer stuff in #5. the Avis the Noob can focus occasionally.

7. Besiktas vs. Konyaspor – Turkish Super Cup

I d wonder if these Super Cups, which are glorified preseason match-ups, are taken seriously. If not, I want this guy in-goal:

Image result for silly Turkish Men

8. Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Spartak Moscow – Russian Premiere League

Last season’s #3 vs. #1.

9. Shanghai SIPG vs. Tianjin Quanjian – Chinese Super League

Current #2 vs. #3.

10. MFM FC vs. Enyimba – Nigeria Professional League

Current #2 vs. #5 yaddyaddawhatever let’s get to the holy crap part

Avis, soccernoob is clearly unhinged, yet won’t steer you wrong occasionally. MFM is Mountain of Fire and Miracles, a Lagos-based Pentecostal ministry organization. Look up these guys on your own, but the craziest thing I’ve found is that they’ve been accused of modern-day witch hunting in the U.S. and U.K.!

The Noob wonders what on earth he’s gotten himself into learning this sport.

Tag: Sporting KC

Ten to Track (8/9/2017)