Tag: Swansea City

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Tuesday (5/8) – US Open Cup leading the way

Wednesday in particular is going to be SO chock full of exceptional matches that Noob is expanding the usual three-day, one-post Midweek Edition into three full days!

I’ll wait for the applause to die down.

OK, splendid.  Onward and upward to the ten most important matches for us, the newish Americans fans of the global game – to follow!

  1. Portland Timbers U23 vs. Kitsap Pumas – U.S. Open Cup

It’s not so much that this one particular match is “important”, but Noob felt it was past time to post that the event had started.  And it’s the only match from the event today.

This is America’s FA Cup.  Competing are the 20 US-based MLS clubs, 22 of the second-division USL teams.  Also in – through qualification rounds – are 41 teams from the unofficial fourth tier (there is no “third tier”) NPSL and PDL and 13 from local amateur leagues.

Kitsap (Bremerton, WA) are here from the Northwest Conference of the NPDL, winners of the playoffs there.  Portland’s most seasoned youth squad won the Northwest Division playoffs in the PDL to get in.  This is the First Round.  The winner will take on Reno 1868 out of the USL.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Nothing.  I have a policy of not prognosticating when kiddins are involved.

RESULT:   PTU23   5-0

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Only madness can ensue from such.

B.  Swansea City vs. Southampton – English Premier

Probably about a quarter billion pounds on the line.  Two matches to go, and these two are tied in the table for 17th.  Southampton lead on GD.  Bottom three of the 20 clubs get Relegated to the second tier Championship League next season, so they’re straddling that line.

Swansea haven’t won a match since early March.  Southampton actually have a win and a draw in their last two games.   (2:45 PM Eastern, NBCSN)

Noobstradamus Sees:   1-1.  More tension!

RESULT:   Southampton   0-1   And with that, West Brom are now Relegated along with Stoke City.  One more to be determined.

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Number B, adding to the tension and high drama.

  1. Les Herbiers vs. Paris Saint-Germain – Coupe de France

Minnow madness!   Les Herbiers are from the third tier of French football.  And they’re on the edge of being Relegated down another level this season.  Yet here they are!   Technically, this is at a neutral site, but only in that it is not on PSG’s home pitch.  But it is in Paris.   (3:05 PM, beIN Sports)

Noobstradus Sees:   I’m not telling!  Because I want to be wrong.  PSG are tops in all France.

RESULT:   PSG   0-2

  1. Aberdeen vs. Rangers – Scottish Premier

Two matches to go, and these two are #B and #3, separated in the table by just a point.  Hibernian lurk just two more points back, looking to steal one of their Europa League bids should either falter.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Aberdeen 2-0        Rangers are going to be a mess, as their going through a late-season managerial change.

RESULT:   1-1

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Falling off a cliff will mess up a Ranger as well.

  1. Buriram United vs. Jeonbuk – AFC Champions League

It’s the Round of 16, first leg.  These two are entrants from the #9 and #4 leagues in Asia.  Noob’s doubtful either can reach beyond the next round, so let’s pay them attention while we can.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Jeonbuk 1-2     The top leagues in Asia are simply much better.

RESULT:   Buriram   3-2

  1. Al-Ain vs. Al-Duhail – AFC Champions League

Your undercard today from this tournament is a tough one to handicap.  Al-Ain – from UAE – only snuck in because the qualifying 3rd-place team from the top league there last year merged with a different club.  They have to exist as they are for three years to be eligible.

Duhail are here by virtue of winning last year’s top league in Qatar.

Noobstradamus Sees:   The crystal ball is cloudy.  Either there’s not enough of a sample size with Al-Ain to know how good they might be, or I need to find some Windex.

RESULT:   Duhail   2-4

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Crazy-bad merger idea

  1. Debrecen vs. Puskas FK Academy – Hungary FA Cup

These two mid-table teams from Hungary’s top division are facing off in a Semifinal.  Puskas took the first leg 4-0.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Puskas 1-3     Until their last match, they’d been in a seven-match unbeaten streak.  Debrecen have been going the opposite way.

RESULT:   Debrecen   2-0    But Puskas advance on aggregate, 4-2.

  1. Cobh Ramblers vs. Longford Town – League of Ireland Cup

This is not the country’s FA Cup.  Rather, mostly only teams from the top two divisions complete.  They invite a few lower division and even junior teams sometimes to round things out.  This is a Quarterfinal, featuring two second-tier sides.  They are #8 and #6 in their league, respectively.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Longford  0-1!   Apparently Rambling doesn’t involve scoring much, but Cobh hasn’t much all season.

RESULT:   Cobh   2-0

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[insert self-deprecating joke about Noob’s own rambling HERE]

  1. Atletico MG vs. San Lorenzo – Copa Sudamericana

It seems odd to Noob these two would be meeting in the First Stage.  These are the top two entrants from South America’s top two countries, Brazil and Argentina.   Maybe it’s a completely random draw.  Weirdness.  Also, it’s the only one of the three matches from this event today not televised on a network one might get here in America.  More weirdness.

Aaaanywho, this is South America’s equivalent of Europa League.  San Lorenzo won the first leg 1-0.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …this very even matchup ending as it should.  Atletico 1-0. then winning it in PK’s.

RESULT:   0-0    San Lorenzo advances on aggregate, 1-0.

  1. Al Quwa Al Jawiya vs. Al Ahed – AFC Cup

This isn’t really analogous to Europa League, other than that this is a secondary tournament to the AFC Champions League.  Top teams from leagues in what their confederation has deemed “developing soccer countries” play in this one.

AQAJ – out of the Iraqi Premier – have won the last two years.   They are also the defending champions of AFC’s #11 league.  Ahed are undefeated this year in the Lebanese Premier (league #21).

Noobstradamus Sees:  Nothin’.  Qawa Jawiya are messing with the Scrabble-part of my prognosticating brain.

RESULT:   AQAJ   3-1

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So long from Iraq, Noobites!

‘10 to Track’ for Sat., 4/27 – from MLS and Liga MX to Europe and beyond, it’s a Noobstradamus-day!

Noobstradamus, did you hit the Sativa instead of the Indica?   It’s a tidal wave today of prognostication excellence (*cough cough*) from our resident ancient seer!

Here are the 10 most important games to track today, for us, the newish American fans.

  1. New England Revolution  vs Sporting Kansas City – MLS

KC has a five-point lead in the West, but the next two behind them have played two fewer games.   Things will tighten up. The Revs are in 4th in the East, a far sight better than last season.

Noob looks for the high-powered Kansas City side to score early and often.  New England’s defense is solid, but KC lead the entire league in goals made.       (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   New England   1-0

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Why hate when I can prognosticate?

1-2 Kansas City is the today’s future.

 

B.    Orlando Pride vs Seattle Thorns- NWSL

Noobstradamus says 0-1, Seattle over Swanp City.  Down with bad urban planning!

RESULT:   1-1

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I foresee Number B replacing that archaic Number to in lists, thanks to this quest.  Archaic things, meh!

Wait, I’m archaic…

 

3.  Tigres vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

Both have qualified for the postseason Liguilla heading into this final regular season match.  But seeding is still very much in the air.  They are 4th and 3rd now, but either could jump to #B with a win tonight.

Tigres will try to keep the pace slow.  They can’t take Monterrey in a goal-fest.   Noobstradamus sees all, sees a 1-1 draw.  (8:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   2-2

4.  Inter Milan vs Juventus – Serie A

Juve is only a point up on #B Napoli.  Inter is in 5th, just outside the Champions League slots.  But they trail the next two teams up by just one in the table.  Juve are better on both sides of the ball, and loads better on offense.    (2:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Juve   2-3    Good LAWD!   Juve was watching their title slip away, down 2-1 with three minutes plus added time to go.  They scored twice more before 90′.

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Inter will run out of gas now and going forward.   0-1 Juve today

5.  Bayer Leverkusen vs Stuttgart – Bundesliga

Will the pressure get to Leverkusen?  They’re 4th, barely in a CL slot  they SHOULD handle 10th place Stuttgart.  (12:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Stuttgart   0-1

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2-1 Leverkusen.  Stuttgart is German for “stuttering child”.  You don’t need other-worldly powers to see their going to lose.

The Management here:  Noobstra-dumbass doesn’t know German.

6.  Swansea vs Chelsea – English Premier

Four matches to go and 5th place Chelsea still trails #4, Noob-reviled Hotspur by five points in the table.

Meanwhile, Swansea are fighting for their Premier lives at the other end of the standings.  They’re only one slot above the Relegation line, though at least they have a four-point lead on the next club down.  They can’t score.  They have the best defense among the league’s worst teams, but that’s quite the qualifier.   (12:30 PM, Universo)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-1

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1-3 Chelsea.

I also predict Hotspur will  be Relegated for being named for a historic traitor.

7.  Lyon vs Nantes – Ligue 1

Hiccup Watch match for #3 Lyon. France only gets three into CL nowadays   Pummeling #9 Nantes will give them relief.   Noobstradamus says Lyon 3-0.

RESULT:   Lyon   2-0

8.  Herediano vs Saprissa – Costa Rica Premier

The top two collide in the postseason!  Noobstradamus predicts concussions.  Ouch.

RESULT:   Herediano   1-0

9.  Sendai vs. Sapporo – J 1 League

The Management must be given his Japan-fix.   The league is just far enough in now for Noob to pay attention.

Noobstradamus has no score prediction, but prognosticates The Management will today bring up in conversation a culturally subversive animated show from there that features an office worker Red Panda that fights off existential ennui by performing in a death metal band at night.

Noob isn’t kidding.  It’s so disorienting, all I can do is figuratively projectile-vomit out number #10 – Reno and OKC in USL action.  Reno scores LOTS. They’ll win…14-3 today. Maybe.

RESULTS:   J1 League match ends 2-2;  Reno   2-0

’10 to Track’ soccer matches – midweek edition: Our Cups runneth over

Our “ten most important games to track for us, the newish American soccer fans”, hits its midweek stride.  Cups, all Cups, all the time!  Well, almost.  You’ll see, Noobites.

Tuesday, 2/6

  1. Swansea City vs. Notts County – English FA Cup

It’s down to Replays in the Round of 32.  Four of the matches ended in draws, and so get played over at the other team’s home pitch.  This time, they’ll play extra time, do penalty kick shootouts to determine winners if need be.

Swansea’s having a dilemma.  They need to remain focused, save their best players’ energy for Premier League games.  They’re in a three-way tie for the first two Relegation Zone slots in the table.  Could this open the door today for League Two (fourth-tier) Notts Co.?

RESULT:   Swansea   8-1      Not a typo.

B.  Yeovil Town vs. Fleetwood Town – EFL Trophy

A reminder of what this event is:  a knockout tournament like the FA Cup, but with only League One and Two (third and fourth-tier) teams, plus Academy teams affiliated with clubs from the top two leagues.

This is the last Quarterfinal match, and Noob’s on fire for this one!   Yeovil is Noob-adopted and Fleetwood Town is Noob-Reviled.  Never before have I had two of these statuses face off in a featured T2T match.

Yeovil is having a garbage season in League Two.  Fleetwood is faring similarly, but up in League One.  Noob doesn’t care that Fleetwood Mac is not named for this club’s town.  Anything that makes me think of Stevie Nicks is worthy of scorn!   After Yeovil prevail, Noob will start a podcast just to belt out “Yeovil True” for the world!!

RESULT:   Yeovil   3-2    Winning goal in the 90′!

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Fleetwood pokes and prods me in ways you cannot imagine, Noobites.

  1. Celaya vs. Atletico se San Luis – Copa MX

Just as the Mexican leagues’ season is broken up into two wholly separate tournaments, so they also have to Copa.  Only clubs from the top two divisions compete, and these two are both from the second-tier Ascenso.

Here in the Group Stage, the competing clubs are in pods of just three, and they play Double Round Robins.  All three teams in this Group have earned three points in two matches, and are even tied on goal differential.  Celaya won the Apertura, and so should be favored by plenty at home.

RESULT:   Celaya   1-0

  1. Paderborn vs. Bayern Munich – DFB-Pokal (German FA Cup)

This is a Quarterfinal match as well.  One doesn’t have to go far back at all historically to find Paderborn playing in the top division.  For now, though, they’re winning the third-tier division.  Naturally, they have their hands full and then some with Bundesliga #1 Bayern.

RESULT:   Bayern   0-6      Also not a typo.

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Good LAWD!  Dan the Intern-o Inferno, are you still watching “The Path” on Hulu?   Did it take such an unholy turn as this?

  1. Chennaiyin vs. Bengaluru – Indian Super League

#B hosts #1 in what Noob thinks of as India’s “promotional” league.  India’s federation felt it needed a separate league from their co-top flight I-League for reasons that elude me.  But we’re down with more footyball!

The top four will make the league playoffs.  Bengaluru should be safe, four points up on the pack.  A road win here would seal it.  They have the better offense, but Chennaiyin play every bit as good of defense.

RESULT:   Bengaluru   1-3

Wednesday, 2/7

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Newport County – English FA Cup

League Two Newport Co. held on for a 1-1 draw in their first match with Reviled Hotspur.  All this has earned them is a chance to try again, but this time at Wembley.  Sadly for Noob, they’ll be doing well to keep within two goals of the Traitorously-Named Ones.

RESULT:   Hotspur   2-0

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Harry “Hotspur” Percy even  STOOD on PUPPIES!

  1. Atlas vs. Tampico Madero – Copa MX

All three teams in this Group are tied in the table with two matches to go.  Ascenso side Tampico Madero could be strong enough to get promoted to the top flight at season’s end.  That likely won’t help them on the road against better-than-average Liga MX Atlas.

RESULT:   Tampico Madero   1-2

  1. Atlletico Nacional vs. Millonairos – Colombia Primera A Final

OK, so Noob’s confusion is now mostly resolved.  Previously, it had been unclear to me just what this was.  My instinct was right and it’s essentially a Super Cup, common to so many leagues, pitting the top two sides from the previous year in a preseason exhibition.

The first match of this two-legged tie went scoreless, so the winner today wins…well, a trophy Noob supposes.

RESULT:   Millonarios   1-2

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Um, hey. Juana – the game’s on…

Lucas, watch out for Harry Percy, might stand on ya’.

 

 

Thursday, 2/8

  1. Valencia vs. Barcelona – Copa del Rey

This is the second leg (match) of a Semifinal tie (series) in Spain’s FA Cup.

Barcelona have yet to lose in La Liga, so 3rd-place Valencia did well to lose just 0-1 in the first leg.  It will take a mighty effort for them to advance to the Final, but home pitch can mean everything.

  1. Jorge WIlstermann vs. Oriente Petrolero – Copa Libertadores qualification

Wilstermann won the first match of this two-legged tie 1-2, and now get a chance to seal the deal at home against their weaker Bolivian league foe.  The winner will make the final eight in this event, out of which six teams will make it into C.L.

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Ewwww.

Um, play midfield really well.