Tag: UAE Pro-League

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday (12/3) — previews for Matches of Suckitude

Noob always endeavors to bring us the ten most important matches to follow as newish American fans of the global game.

Monday’s, that “importance” takes a different turn – Matches of Suckitude!    Most of today’s featured games include at least one club on the verge of getting Relegated from their league, kicked out for poor performance.

As always, let’s start with a few matches of happier import —

1. Guiseley vs. Fleetwood Town – English FA Cup

This is the Second Round Proper of the tournament. There are Rounds before these two “Proper” ones, qualifying rounds for teams from levels 5-10 of the English football pyramid. At the First Round proper, teams from the third and fourth pyramid levels entered the competition.

Just a few teams from Level 6 (and none lower) remain now. Those are considered Minnows – underdogs. Folks like to root for them to make surprising, deep runs in this event. Guiseley, from West Yorkshire) will take all the support they can garner. They were Relegated from the National League (level 5) last year after a last-place finish and they’re doing little better this year a level down. The defense is okay, but the offense is nearly non-existent.

Fleetwood are from the third tier, League One. They’re below average there. But they’re fully professional and so should be heavy favorites today.

RESULT:   Fleetwood   1-2

B. APOEL Nicosia vs. Apollon Limassol – Cyprus First Division

Surprise, the Cypriot league is in the top 20 in all UEFA! If they rise a few more spots, they may soon qualify multiple teams for UEFA Champions League.

Noob has a soft spot APOEL, as one of my earliest Twitter followers is a mom of one of their players.

They’re in 3rd. Much as Noob wishes it were otherwise, I suspect this league will eventually be a two-team race between Apollon (the best team in the league) and #1-for-the-moment AEL Limassol.

APOEL are only an even match at best for their guests today.

RESULT:   APOEL   5-1        Oh MY

Image result for soft letter B

 

 

Noob also has a soft spot for soft Number B.

3. Bhayangkara vs. PSM Makassar – Indonesia Liga 1

Noob can never be accused of not being a citizen of the world. #27 league in Asia? Sure! The season there is nearly done and the title is undecided. Just one team may even possibly qualify for the next AFC Champions League from here. The champ may also end up in the AFC Cup, a secondary tournament for teams from what the AFC considers “developing football nations”.

Only two matches remain for all clubs there, and Makassar trail Jakarta by two points in the table. No other team is close enough to possibly catch them.

Unfortunately for Makassar, Bhayangkara still have something to play for. They can still catch the #3 club, and that slot might qualify for an AFC Cup berth. Bhayangkara don’t have the defensive PSM do, but the score about the same. At home, Noob considers them a slight favorite.

RESULT:   0-0

And now, your Matches of Suckit000000000d —

4. Levante vs. Athletic Club – La Liga

Three clubs will get Relegated from Spain’s top league at season’s end. Currently, Athletic Club are 18th of 20 teams. They’d be even deeper in the hole with their just one win, but they’ve earned draws in a mind-boggling eight of their dozen other matches.

Levante are 11th, as average as it gets. At home, that should easily be good enough to beat Athletic Club. Though I guess a ninth draw might be in order for the guests today.   (3:00 PM Eastern, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Levante   3-0

Image result for wearing lots of ties

 

 

Lots of ties, Noob gets it.

The tiny soul patch is the more troubling facet.

5. Nurnberg vs. Bayer Leverkusen – Bundesliga

Germany’s is a another that gives three teams The Boot. Nurnberg is third-to-last, courtesy of not playing a goalie ever. Well, their stats make it look like that, anyway. Even so, they might have a coin-flip’s chance at a win at home today. #12 Leverkusen are better on both sides of the ball, but not by tons.

Fun Fact:    Nurnberg have been Relegated from Bundesliga eight times, most all-time.

RESULT:   1-1

6. Bubali vs. Estrella – Aruba Division di Honor

Aruba? Surely nothing could suck in that paradise. But they have Relegation even there. One team will be automatically sent down. We’re getting to know our CONCACAF brethren, even in states of Suckitude. Hallo, neighbors!

The next two in the table are pegged to participate in a Relegation Playoff. To be honest, Noob’s not sure if they play one another and the loser also goes down to Division Uno (second-tier league) or if they play teams from Division Uno for a chance to stay up.

Regardless, Bubali are in 9th of the ten teams. The season is just a few matches in there, but ti’s not too early to say that if they can’t up their scoring to better than one goal per, they’re going down. Estrella are in 4th, but don’t defend a ton. Still, they have the firepower to handle Bubali, even on the road.

RESULT:   Estrella   0-2

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There’s Bubali on the western coast.

7. Tigre vs. Godoy Cruz – Argentina Premier

Tigre are in 19th of 28 teams. Not bad, if nowhere near good. Unfortunately for them, this league uses a three-year table for determining who goes down.

And Tigre were so awful the last two, there’s little they can do to save themselves from getting Dropped. They’re in last in that aggregate table, would have to jump three teams to stay up. Perhaps they might get a draw against 10th-place Godoy Cruz.   (3:10 PM, TyC Sports International)

Fun Fact:    Tigre made the Copa Sudamericana final in 2012, but refused to finish the match after falling behind 0-2 at the half (questionably citing “security concerns”).

RESULT:   GC   1-3

8. Yeni Malatyaspor vs. Akhisarspor – Turkey Super Lig

Y.M. just got Promoted to top flite this season, but it’s not them that’s Sucking. They’re in 7th. They’re parking the bus a little, not scoring or getting scored upon lots. It won’t get them higher in the table, but so far it’s easily keeping them afloat.

Akhisarspor are in third-to-last, and Turkey’s is yet another league that kicks three out annually. Their offense is almost average, but the defense is tied for worst.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for turkey floating

 

Floating turkey.

 

No apologies.

9. AGF Aarhus vs. Velje Boldklub – Denmark Superliga

The Danish top league divided into Championship and Relegation subgroups later in the season. Top six play for the title. These two aren’t going to be among those.

Aarhus are in 11th. They show enough of a spark on defense to give hope that they’ll ultimately survive, not actually be Relegated. Velje, on the other hand, are just plain awful. They don’t score even a goal per match on average, and not because they pack it in on D by any stretch.

Fun Fact:  Aarhus were founded in 1880, primarily focused on gymnastics and fencing.

RESULT:   Aarhus   2-1

10. Dibba Al-Fujairah vs. Al Ittihad Kalba – U.A.E. Pro-League

We finish our Track today in the #4 league in all Asia. That shiny ranking is no thanks whatsoever to DAF. They’re the mirror opposite of well-balanced, sporting both the second-worst offense and defense. Kalba are below-average, but should be favored by a goal even on the road against this lot.

RESULT:   Kalba   1-3

Image result for Dibba Al fujairah stadium

 

So long from Dibba Al Fujairah Stadium!

It doesn’t meet the Pro-League’s reqs though, so they play in nearby Fujairah City.

 

Extra Credit:   matches from the women’s EAFF E-1 tournament (East Asia), #3 Dynamo Kiev vs #11 Chornomorets Odessa – Ukrainian Premier, #8 Astra Giurgiu vs. #9 Botosani – Romania Liga I, #12 Opava vs #1 Slavia Prague – Czech First Division, #10 Enosis Paralimni vs #4 AEK Larnaca – Cyprus First Division.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – a world of footyball awaits!

Fridays tend to be a little lighter for soccer scheds around the world.  So we pack our bags and hit the tarmac!   Let’s Trot – learn some Fun Facts about teams and leagues from far and wide.

As always, we start close to home, then expand our soccer horizons.

  1. Atlanta United II vs. North Carolina FC – United Soccer League

Welcome to the only high-end match in America.  No MLS today, but do get one second-tier game.

ATL2 is down in 14th in the Eastern Conference.  For all the success Atlanta’s MLS side is having, their reserve team is lousy.

North Carolina is one of the USL clubs Noob has a soft spot for.  They moved over from the almost seemingly-defunct North American Soccer League.  To know why, please check out the Interviews D-Twosday page on this site.  Those are a gas, and so unreal you’ll hardly believe they’re believable.  Yup!  That came out right.

Anywho, NCFC is in 10th place.  Not scintillating, except a little when you remember each conference gets it’s top eight into the Playoffs.  They’re only three points out of 8th.

There’s a massive gulf in the table between ATL2 and those below and everyone else.  NC probably wins by a goal or two here on the road.

RESULT:   NC   1-6    Not a typo.   Cameroonian forward Ulrich Donovan Ewolo has four goals.

B.  Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX

They’re about halfway through the Apertura (first half-season) in Mexico.  Unsurprisingly, CFA is near the top (3rd).   Puebla are in 10th.  They’re likely better than that and will climb.  They win a lot but almost never draw, which is painful in the table.

RESULT:   CF America   2-3       Puebla lead twice before giving up the winning score at 90′.  And CFA had even just lost a man to a red card at 88′.

Image result for letter B hurt

 

 

 

Can’t tell if Number B is mildly scolding or in pain, a la Puebla.

  1. Necaxa vs. Monterrey – Liga MX Femenil

Little Billy Donovan from Springfield writes:

Dear Mr. Noob,

Why do you list the Mexican men’s league before the women’s?  My mom says it’s because you’re a misogynistic – well, she’ll wash my mouth out with soap if I use the word she did.

Billy, thanks for writing in.  Wait, how did you know Noob would — know what?  Never mind.

But since you’re writing, wouldn’t your mom just end up harmlessly washing your hand if you wrote the bad word she did?  Also, she sounds like quite the hypocrite, and you can tell her Noob said so.  I’ll bet she’s not even hot.

When Noob featured matches from both leagues in the same Track, I list first whichever match is more intriguing and/or features teams that are collectively higher in their table.

Necaxa are in last in their Group.  (The league is divided into two.)  Monterrey are in 4th, need to climb two spots to make the Playoffs.   That quest moves forward today.  Visitors by a couple, easy.

RESULT:   Monterrey   0-2

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. ES Setif – CAF Champions League

Africa’s version is in its Quarterfinals, where each matchup is a two-legged, home-and-away affair.

Noob Tracked the first leg not long back, and ES Setif took care of business at home with a 1-0 win.  Now it’s the defending champions’ turn to host.  Based on their ELO ratings (thank you, footballdatabase.com), Noob figures Wydad is easily a goal favorite at their own place, probably a 3:2 favorite with take it by two goals and advance.

RESULT:   0-0     And so the champs are OUT.  ES Setif moves on to the Semis.

Image result for Wydad Casablanca

 

 

Apparently, Wydad supporter’s know or assume Gerard Butler is a supporter, too.

  1. Cork City vs. Dundalk – League of Ireland Premier

It’s the pair of clubs longer-tenured Noobites knew would be at the top at the end, if not the order.

Defending champs Cork City are down seven points in the table.  They need a win today or the race is over.  Since it’s on their pitch, that’s more likely than not to happen.  But only by a tiny bit.  Dundalk have the advantage of only needing to play for a draw.  And they’re better on both sides of the ball, really put it all together this season.

Fun Fact:  Cork City are supporter-owned, by FORAS.  It stands for Friends of the Rebel Army and is Irish for “development”.

RESULT:   Dundalk   0-1      While it’s not a mathematical certainty, Noob’s ready to call the league finished!  Congrats to the fighting ‘Dalks!   I’m sure that’s their nickname…

  1. HJK vs. RoPS – Finland Veikkausliga

It’s all but over in Finalnd as well.  HJK lead #B RoPS by nine with just a few matches left to play.  These two play very good if not quite great D.  The difference has been HJK scores nearly twice a game on average while RoPS is only average in that department.   Today is probably coronation day for the defending titleholders.

RESULT:   HJK   3-0     Give HJK another crown!

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For about two seconds, Noob didn’t notice this was a split image.

Yup.  Thought HJK fielded a giant.

  1. Zalgiris Vilnius vs. Suduva – Lithuania A Lyga

This league isn’t quite a true summer one like the above two, is only about 2/3 of the way through.  And the title race is closer.  Suduva won last year narrowly over ZV, and the margin is about the same now.

Still, ZV at home is the play if you’re such a gambling addict that Lithuanian soccer is part of your fix.  Degenerate!

Fun Fact:  Zalgiris’ supporters group are Pietų IV.   Noob has no idea how to begin to pronounce that.

RESULT:   ZV   1-0

  1. Al-Wahda vs. Al-Wasl – Arabian Gulf League

This is the top league in United Arab Emirates.   They’re just a couple matches into the season.  These were last year’s #B and #3 squads.  Wasl will have to accelerate on offense a little more to play for a second-place spot.  They’ll need a miracle to surpass Al-Ain.  Both would.

RESULT:   Al-Wahda   4-1

Image result for snobbish funny

 

Al-Wahda are nicknamed “Excellencies”.

Ooh la la!   

Here is your rrrroast. Duck, Al-Wahda.

  1. Partizani Tirana vs. Flamutari – Albania Super Liga

Partizani finished 5th last season.  Normally that would get you squat, but perennial powerhouse Skenderbeu Korce got hit with a record ten-year ban from international play by UEFA.   That moved the tournament invitations down a rung in table each, so allowed P.T. to eke into Europa League.  Where they got skunked over two matches in the first qualifying round.

If you’d like to know a little more about the S.K. match-fixing nawteeness, Noob recommends checking out Bros Talking Soccer, podcast episode 90.  The question comes at the 35’, but why not listen to the whole thing?  One of only three podcasts on which I spend time.  Look, they’re Bros.   They talk.  And it’s about soccer.  In this day and age, it’s hard to find such transparency in the offering!   Muy bueno.

Oh yeah, Flamutari was 6th last year.  OK.

Fun Fact:  Brostalkingsoccerpodcast.com is the website  where Noobites can get mucho info.

RESULT:   Tirana   2-0

  1. Go Ahead Eagles vs. Jong Ajax – Netherlands Eerste Divisie

Noob finishes our ‘Trotting Track in the Netherlands second division!   Both teams this very early season are high enough in the table to be in the Promotion conversation.  Jong (Young) Ajax are disallowed though, as reserve teams there can’t move up to top flite.

Only the top finisher will move up automatically.  GHE are #B, which places them atop the spots that will qualify for the postseason Promotion playoffs.  They’re leading the league in offense, and Noob considers them to easily be a goal favorite today.

RESULT:   Eagles   2-1

Image result for speelgoedmuseum deventerSo long from the Toy Museum, Deventer — home of Go Head Eagles!

The city.   They don’t live with the toys.