Tag: West Ham

’10 to Track’ soccer for Saturday, 2/24 – Premier League and other ‘Hiccup Watch’ matches

10 to Track briefly returns to its former format – full complements of matches for both Saturday and Sunday!  

Luxuriate in it, yet know this will not be regular.  An exhausted Noober passed out last night before being able to finish.  It’s faster today to not filter for just one list for the weekend.

But who knows!  If the Noobite masses clamor for separate “ten most important games to follow’s” on the weekends, it shall be so.

(Note:  Noob’s starting to list game times, if the game is televised on a channel or network that I find reasonably possible to get in the U.S.  All times are Eastern.)

  1. Liverpool vs. West Ham United – English Premier

Let’s call this “Hiccup Watch”.  Maybe just for today.  Watching sound doesn’t make sense.  Where’s my staff, we need to brainstorm.

With just a few matches to go, Liverpool sits in 3rd place, good for one of the league’s four Champions League berths.  They could easily finish anywhere from 2nd to 5th; the table is tight.   They have plenty of motivation to stay focused at home against 12th-place West Ham.  Can they avoid a costly hiccup?

RESULT:   Liverpool   4-1    Liverpool move to #B, for the moment.  Man Utd. has a tough match tomorrow, so they might even stay there. 

Image result for soccer hiccup

 

 

Today, Hiccup learns it’s not easy to learn how to train your angry footballer.

B.  CF América vs. Tijuana – Liga MX  

Halfway through the 2017-18 Clausura (second half-season), CFA leads the pack.  Tijuana are in 8th, the last slot that will earn a league postseason berth.

CFA are undefeated, scoring like it’s going out of style, and playing nearly the league’s best defense.  Tijuana can’t score a lick, but have made tremendous strides on defense.  0-1 or 0-0 and a shootout seem the only likely ways the visitors would pull an upset today.  (10 PM, Univision)

Image result for Mexican number two

 

Dios mio, Numero Dos-  so many stereotypes.

Make way for Numero B!

  1. VfB Stuttgart vs. Eintracht Frankfurt – Bundesliga

13th hosts 3rd.  The visitors are in basically the same position as Liverpool – in a CL slot, but in a tight table pack.   Neither team scores a ton.  If Frankfurt gets the first goal, they will button things up for the win.

RESULT:   Stuttgart   1-0

  1. Real Madrid vs. Alavés – La Liga

Another “Hiccup Watch” for our Saturday.

Real Madrid have finally started to turn things around, climbed to 3rd.  Villareal is the only team that could reasonably pass them in the table, so they appear good for one of the league’s four Champions League invites.  But will they relax against 16th– place Alaves?

RESULT:   Real   4-0

Image result for funny hiccup

  1. Manchester City vs. Chelsea Ladies – WSL

The Man City gals had their own hiccup recently, losing to mid-pack Birmingham.  It is their only loss on the season.  This puts them two points behind undefeated Chelsea, so this is as important a league match as we will see today.  A road win would likely settle the title.

RESULT:   2-2   Man City fell behind 0-2 early, coming back with the equalizer in 86′.

  1. Freiburg vs. Bayern Munich – women’s Bundesliga

Two teams qualify for Champions League on the ladies’ side in Germany.  #B Munich is two points up on Freiburg, but they are about statistically identical otherwise.

RESULT:   Freiburg   2-0   They switch places in the table.

wc

 

 

Brass band-themed urinals in Freiburg.   Noob wishes he was kidding.

  1. Connah’s Quay vs. TNS – Wales Premier

The New Saints have all but wrapped up the league title.  Again.  Connah’s Quay is in 3rd and trying to climb a spot in order to auto-qualify for Europa League.  Since the match is at CQ, this might be a fair fight.

RESULT:   TNS   0-1

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. TP Mazembe – CAF Super Cup

Like other continental federations, the Africans have an annual match between the winners of their Champions League and secondary tournaments (in Africa, the Confederation Cup).

Wydad have really struggled in Morocco’s type flight.  Perhaps all the international play has worn them out.  DR Congo’s best come to call for this exhibition, and they’re undefeated in their (admittedly weaker) league.

RESULT:   Wydad   1-0

  1. USM Alger vs. MC Alger – Algeria Ligue 1

If USM wants to make a move on cracking the top two and earning a Champions League berth, the time is now.  20+ games into their season, they sit five points behind #B MC Oran.

MC Alger is only in 5th.  They wouldn’t normally catch Noob’s wandering gaze, but intracity rivalries are hawwwt.

RESULT:   2-2     USM went up 2-0 early, gave this one away.

Image result for you're not hawt

 

But if you’re bats**t crazy, we have a hard time caring…

  1. Zeta vs. Buducnost Podgorica – Montenegro First League

The only drama left in this league may be for the second Europa League invite.  First place Niksic ran away and hid from everyone.  BP seems secure in a #B finish.  Zeta are trying to stay clear of Mladost, who are four points back.

RESULT:   1-1

Honorable Mention:   Toulouse vs. AS Monaco (Ligue 1), Inter Milan vs. Benevento (Serie A), any Swedish or Finnish Group Stage FA Cup match

’10 to Track’ for midweek 1/2-4 – Premier League meets Thomas the Tank Engine-edition

The ten most important soccer matches of the midweek, they await us, Noobites!  We get a spicy mix of league and Cup matches, a Premier League team gets a new name, I scare my volunteer with a thinly-veiled maiming threat, and so much more..

NEW FEATURE:  Staff seer Noobstradamus – who may or may not be merely an alter ego of Noob’s – is challenging The Management and Dan-o “the Interno Inferno” to a contest of prognostication.

We’ll all pick winners and losers for all games except Monday’s.  We won’t pick draws, because Amuricuh!   One point is earned for getting a game right, two for picking a big underdog to win in games I’ll designate with a “u”.

Monday, 1/2

  1. Manchester City vs. Watford (u) – English Premier League

The City train just keeps rolling, seemingly unstoppable.   Noob’s Tracking them because there’s talk about this being a Greatest Ever-sort of team.  And they won’t be sleeping on 10th-place Watford, since they don’t have another League match for two weeks.

RESULT:   Man City   3-1

Image result for watford fc crest

 

Watford, your crest still looks like an upside-down PSA for reminding people to use a licensed doctor for vaginoplasty.

B.  Napoli vs. Atalanta (u) – Coppa Italia

Number B.!  Italy’s FA Cup has reached its Quarterfinals.

League #1 Napoli plays host.   They’ve won four matches in a row.  #9 Atalanta has been rolling for a while, but got ambushed at home by lowly Cagliari in their last match.  The winner will get league #2 Juventus in all likelihood.

RESULYT:   Atalanta   1-2    Noobstradamus succcess!  Not that, you know, I’m surprised or anything  *cough*

Image result for noobstradamus

 

Napoli is in a dogfight for the league lead.  They will let their focus slip today.  Atalanta shall win.  Noobstradamus has bespoken!

Bespake.  Bespeaked?    Blaargh.

 

  1. Iraq vs. U.A.E. – Arabian Gulf Cup

Reminder:  Seven Gulf area teams, plus Yemen.  These two both rate in the 70’s in FIFA rankings, should be the higher-quality of the Semifinals.

Iraq looks like the class of the field.  U.A.E. somehow finished 2nd in their Group scoring only one goal in the three games.  (They gave up none.)  The winner likely gets Oman in the Final.

RESULT:   U.A.E.   0-0  /  2-4  pk      The Emirates’ shutout streak continues.  On to the Final to face Oman.

Tuesday, 1/3

  1. Arsenal vs. Chelsea – English Premier League

This should be the match of the midweek!  Neither club has lost since early last month.

Chelsea is in 3rd.  Arsenal stands at 5th place, a guaranteed 2018 Europa League slot.  They’re well behind 4th-place Liverpool, but could use some space against hated rival and all-around scorned 6th-place Tottenham.

New Year’s resolution!   Noob will now regularly refer to accursed, named-for-a-traitor Tottenham more regularly as “Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur”.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for sir topham hatt thomas the tank engine

 

He’s a much more palatable figure than dastardly Henry “Hotspur” Percy.

 

 

Hello, Noobites- The Management here.  The Management would like to apologize for Noob’s incessant ranting on this topic.  He’s had his head med upped recently, but the hoped-for effect can take weeks to show up.  Thank you for your time and patience. – The Management.

Hey, The Management.  Noob doesn’t remember signing away his HIPAA privacy rights.  But let’s move on.

  1. Sydney FC vs. Newcastle Jets – Australian A-League

#1 vs. #2!   Noob’s always down for it.   Even if barely more than a dozen games into the league season Sydney is up eight points on Newcastle, who are in turn up seven on 3rd place.

These are the only two finishing positions that are AFC Champions League slots.  Sydney leads the league in scoring and defense.

RESULT:   2-2      Sydney salvages a point with a goal in the 87′

  1. Formentera (u) vs. Alavés – Copa del Rey (Spain FA Cup)

This is the Round of 16.  Unlike with many FA Cups, teams here play two-legged ties (two-match series).

Formentera is our pececillo – Minnow.   They’re a so-so third-tier team that have made it a long way.   Their guests are a poor La Liga team, and they’ve already beaten much better Atletico Bilbao.  Noob’s got a thing for island teams, and Formentera are based in the Balearics.  Gofightwin!

RESULT:   Alavés   1-3

Image result for formentera

 

Someday Noob’s ashes will be scattered in that lagoon.  Heaven.

  1. Juventus vs. Torino (u) – Coppa Italia

This is not the Quarterfinal matchup league 10th-place Torino was hoping for.  They’re defense is pretty suspect, and Juventus are the goal-scoring monster of Serie A.

  1. Benfica vs. Sporting CP – Primeira Liga

Porto leads Portugal’s top league, but Sporting Lisbon is tied with them.  Benfica is close behind in 3rd.  This league only gets to Champions League spots this year.  Torcida importante!

RESULT:   Juve   2-0

        Um, Mr. Noob, sir?   I don’t mean to interrupt.

Yet here you are, doing just that, Dan-o the Intern-o Inferno.

        Are you trying to write “important match” in Portuguese?  

I’m not “trying”.  I did.

        Er, that’s actually “important candle-wick”.

I once took a man’s eyeball out with a mellonballer.

        Right.  Carry on!

  1. Apollon Limassol vs. AEK Limassol – Cypriot First Division

The battle for Cyprus’ second-largest city is ON.  Intracity rivalries reign supreme for Noob!

3rd hosts 5th place here.  The top six will have a postseason tournament for the league title and Champions League berth.   Apollon are the best team in the league and are undefeated.  They’ve played three fewer league games than the others because of their international competition play.

RESULT:   1-1

Wednesday, 1/4

  1. Tottenham   Sir Topham Hatt Hotpsur vs. West Ham United (u) – English Premier League

Sir Topham Hatt is in 6th place.   Feels good to use the new moniker in a sentence.  Not that Noob’s bile and vitriol for the Traitorous Ones will ever diminish!   But it is nicer.

West Ham suck out loud and need to knock that crap off, get the big upset here.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for misplaced anger funny

Prognistication Challenge

Noobstradamus:   Man City, Atalanta, Iraq, Arsenal, Sydney,  Formentera, Juventus, Benfica, Apollon, West Ham

The Management:   Watford, Atalanta, Iraq, Chelsea, Newcastle, Alavés, Torino, Benfica, AEK Limassol, West Ham

Dan the Interno Inferno:   Man City, Atalanta, I-Rock (the name is sheer bravado), Arsenal, Alaves, Sydney (“the thunder from down under”)*, Apollon, Torino, Benfica,  “I -Tottenham- some good learnins’ so they’d better score some of them goals -Hotspur-“.

*Noob points out the intern unintentional comedy:   1)  “thunder from down under” could, of course, refer to either or any Australian team, and B) would be less likely to refer to Sydney FC since they are nicknamed the “Sky Blues”.   🙂   (Now watch him win.)