Tag: Wolfsburg

’10 to Track’ soccer matches Midweek Edition (5/22-24) – adding more each day

Noob’s gonna roll out the ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow day by day this Midweek.  Teasing, then pleasing.  Or something.   (now complete)

Tuesday, 5/22

  1. LAFC vs. Borussia Dortmund – international friendly

With the league season wrapped up for many of the European clubs, now they can tour around!   This is an especially fun one because American superstar Christian Pulisic plays for the German side.

If both teams are trying their hardest, playing starters, it’s hard not to see LAFC as a two-goal underdog.  Noob’s heard it said that the difference between a top league like Germany’s Bundesliga and MLS is akin to Major League Baseball vs. low class-A minor league stuff.   (10:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for angry Mr. Shucks

 

 

Mr. Shucks (in beach night promotional attire) of low class-A Midwest League’s Cedar Rapids (IA) Kernels seems offended.

Actually, it’s hard to tell…

B.  Horoya vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

In Africa’s Champions League, he 16 remaining teams have been divided into pods of four.  Top two finishers advance to the Knockout stage.

This is just the second of the six matches for these two.  Horoya hail from Guinea, the 18th-ranked league in Africa.  Mamelodi are the powerhouse team from South Africa, the 5th-ranked league.  This is two matches in a row where the home side should be valued at -2 goals, INHO.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for Guinea letter B

 

 

Number B as guinea pig food.

 

 

Wednesday, 5/23

  1. NTX Rayados vs. FC Wichita – U.S. Open Cup

Third Round of America’s FA Cup!  Last Round, the tier-two (USL) teams entered the competition.  One more, and the big boys (MLS) join the fray.  There are lots of matches this week, but Noob is featuring this one because it’s fun to follow the lower-rung clubs and this match features two.

The Rayados (“Stripes”, or maybe “Striped Ones”) are from the amateur North Texas Premier Soccer League.   FC Dallas Roma made it to the Fourth Round out of this league once, so a touch of history could be on their side.  FC Wichita play in the Heartland Conference of the fourth-tier NPSL, and are also of amateur status.

RESULT:   NTX   3-2     Rayados lead 2-0 before blowing that lead, then scoring the winner at 86′.

  1. Orlando Pride vs. North Carolina Courage – NWSL

The Orlando gals are in 3rd, get to host the league’s one remaining undefeated team today.  They had a rough start, not winning any of their first three matches, but haven’t loss since.

As tenured Noobites will know, there’s an absolute side to cheer for here.   It’s called “whoever’s playing a team from a Swamp City”.  Noob disavows you, bad urban planners!  Go, NC.

RESULT:   NCC   3-4     Courage wasted 0-1 and 1-3 leads before getting the final goal at 90′ mark.

Image result for urban swamp orlando

 

Actual photo of Orlando.

Your future looks bleak, mice-peoples.

  1. Dinamo Zagreb vs. Hajduk Split – Croatia FA Cup

The Final!   Neutral site, a city called Vinkovci.  Bottom-rung club Cibalia plays there, which is named after the former Roman name for the town.

These clubs finished 1st and 3rd in league play, respectively.  Strangely, neither have been playing very well of late though.  Zagreb’s the one that’s on the worse skid.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Split taking the match 0-1.  And their extra-hooliganish fans will maim at least two Zagreb supporters.

RESULT:   Zagreb   1-0

  1. Partizan vs. Mladost Lucani – Serbia FA Cup

Another Final!   Also a neutral site, city of Surdulica.

There was gulf in the table between the top and the bottom halves, and Lucani wasn’t even the best of the worst, finishing 11th.  And bad luck – they lost at this stadium to the host Superliga club in the last league match of the season.  Bad vibes.

Worse, Partizan were the #B league finisher.  The only good thing working for Lucani is their offense.  It gives them a puncher’s chance, to mix sports metaphors.

RESULT:   Partizan   1-2     FA Cup cham-PEENS!

Image result for mixed metaphor funny

 

 

Mixed metaphor.

  1. Dinamo Minsk vs. BATE Borisov – Belarus Premier

BATE Borisov is the one name to know from this country.  A dozen consecutive league titles, 7-0-0 this season, and a goals-scored/allowed of 12-1.  yet Minsk is the one team that might give them a fight, especially on their own turf.  They’re #B and finished there in 2017 as well.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Minsk knocking BATE a little off their pedestal!   1-1.

RESULT:   BATE   0-1

  1. Pusaks FC Academy vs. Ujpest – Hungary FA Cup

And back to another Final!   Noob’s been taking these in in order general strength of soccer in each nation.

The NB1 league was a two-horse race this season, but neither of them got to this Final.  Instead, we get the 5th and 7th-place teams.  But what makes this super-fun is that Puskas is the youth team affiliated with league-winner Videoton.   It will take place in Budapest, where Puskas is from, though not on their home pitch.

RESULT:   Ujpest   2-2 /  4-5 PK         So close, kids!

Image result for hungarian kids playing football

 

“If you win the final, kids, you get pizza and ice cream after”.

 

 

Thursday, 5/24

  1. Atletico Nacional vs. Colo-Colo – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League.    The Group Stage is concluding.  Pods of four teams, top two finishers advance to Knockout stage.  Here’s your midweek featured match for the CL:

Last match of the Group Stage, and Colombia’s top entrant – Atletico Nacional – leads the Group.  Chile’s second team in (and likely best, really) are just two points back and tied with another club.  To further thicken the soup, the last-place team still isn’t out of it at two more points back.

Atletico are the only team with a positive goal differential here.  They come out of the stronger league and soccer country, are likely favored by a goal.   (8:30 PM, Fox Deportes)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that Atletico has lost two straight between CL and league play, are having trouble scoring.  That’s never a problem for Colo-Colo.  Visitors win 0-2!

RESULT:   0-0     Both clubs advance to the Knockout Stage.  3rd-place Bolivar won today and tied Colo-Colo on points in the table, but they were going to need a much bigger margin of victory today to catch up on GD.

  1. Wolfsburg vs. Lyon – UEFA women’s Champions League

The Final, in Kiev!

Wolfsburg hasn’t lost since November.  Noob didn’t easily find the last time Lyon lost a match.  They’re the three-time defending champs.  Until they lose, put your euros on the French ladies.  Wait, that came out wrong…

RESULT:   1-4   Lyon     Congrats to the champs!    It was a weird and then very wild match.  No one scored in regulation.  Then Wolfsburg scored at 93′.  And then Lyon went OFF.

Image result for Kiev funny

 

 

So long from Kiev!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches Midweek edition – UEFA Champions League, ladies’ style

Romantic lady/ Single baby/ Mm, sophisticated mama /Come on you disco lady, yeah /Play with me tonight mama, yeah

Is Kool & The Gang the right way to intro a week headlined by UEFA Women’s Champions League?

Does a Catholic bear crap in the Pope’s woods?

*bonnnnggggg*

Tuesday, 3/20

Move along!   No interesting soccer matches to be seen today.

Wednesday, 3/21

  1. Montpelier vs. Chelsea Ladies – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Noob is particularly Noob when it comes to the women’s international game.  But I gather there are no underdogs left in this field.  This is the first leg of a Quarterfinal tie.

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-2

B.  Manchester City vs. Linkopings – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Linkopings are from Finland.

RESULT:   Man City   2-0

Image result for swedish letter BDan “the Intern-o Inferno” doesn’t differentiate between Laplandic Number B’s.

  1. Liechtenstein vs. Andorra – international friendly

For all the crazy-spelled club names Noob’s been learning, turns out I can’t spell “Liechtenstein” without looking at it.  I don’t want that first E there.  Thanks for making me feel bad about myself, European microstate.   You know, I visited you once.  Stopped and had ice cream on my way to Netherlands.

Andorra – I got nothin’ for ya’.  These two national teams are FIFA-ranked 181 and 130, respectively.

RESULT:   Andorra   0-1

Image result for liechtenstein meme

 

 

 

Gah!!

 

 

 

Thursday, 3/22

  1. Lyon vs. Barcelona – UEFA Women’s Champions League

OK, I can at least tell you Lyon are the two-time defending champs.

RESULT:   Lyon   2-1      Close enough to make the upcoming second leg in Barcelona really interesting

  1. Wolfsburg vs. Slavia Prague – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Noob’s last name means “wolf” in dialectical German from circa 1500.  I wonder if my forefathers are from Wolfsburg.  Probably not.  Wolf’s pretty common, even with an E.

RESULT:   Wolfsburg   5-0    Less drama here when they return to the Czech Republic

  1. Kyrgyzstan vs. Myanmar – Asian Cup qualification

The last Group Stage is underway as teams try and qualify for Asian Cup.  The winner of that whole shebang will get to represent the continental federation at the next Club World Cup.

These two are #B and #3 in their Group of four.  Top two finishers will make the Asian Cup.  FIFA ranks the teams #115 and #142 worldwide.

RESULT:   Kyrgyzstan   5-1

Image result for ashamed office employeeNoob hurt Dan “the Intern-o Inferno”‘s feeweeings at Number B.

Buck up, buttercup.

  1. Denmark vs. Panama – international friendly

These two continue to tune up for World Cup.  For the first time ever, three Laplandic countries have qualified, and Denmark are one.  Panama have qualified for the first time in their nation’s history.  FIFA ranks them #12 and #53.

RESULT:   Denmark   1-0

  1. China vs. Wales – international friendly

Wales is a curious case – their Premier League is near the bottom of Europa in strength, but their national team is ranked about 20th in the world.  FIFA ranked China’s #65.

RESULT:   Wales   0-6

Image result for censored middle finger

 

Dan “the Intern-o Inferno” is not a master of subtlety.

  1. Faroe Islands vs. Latvia – international friendly

If you play Scrabble or Words With Friends, you likely know the word OE.  Well, it’s a storm from the Faroe Islands.  Very specific.  Latvia – I’ve got nothin’ for ya’.  #’s 97 and 131.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Malta vs. Luxembourg – international friendly

Despite the face that it might be easy for one to leave out the O, Noob has no issues spelling Luxembourg cheat-free.  See, Liechtenstein?  You could learn something from Luxembourg.

I don’t really know what. But something…

RESULT:   0-1   Luxembourg

Image result for hug it out funny

 

Noob will politely pass, Dan.

 

Hey, The Management, did we require psych evals as part of the intern apps?