Tag: World Cup

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Wednesday (5/9) – a tidal waves of FA Cups

So much hardware is being handed out today, the sun glaring off it all will be blinding.  FA Cups galore!

But the ten most important games for us – the newish American fans – begins closer to home.  Then, on to the Cup Finals!

  1. Atlanta United vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

You can’t ask for better than the two Conference leaders facing off.  Atlanta are two points better in the overall table, chase for the Supporters’ Shield.  Home field should mean everything tonight, as Atlanta lead the league in average attendance, too.  Not bad for a second-year club.   (7:30 PM, NBA League Pass 6, Fox Sports South)

Noobstradamus Sees:  …The Management filled with ire and rage for his in-house prognosticator!  The spirit world from which the visions come is not biased, Boss-Man.  Atlanta  2-1.

RESULT:   KC   0-2   Happy The Management!

Image result for angry boss funny

 

 

Noob will help you through this, The Management.

B.  Utah Royals vs. Orlando Pride – NWSL

#6 Utah is unusual for an expansion team, as they’re really good on team defense, but struggle a touch on offense.  Orlando looks the same.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …himself making no prediction here, instead deferring to Number B.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for royal letter B

 

But don’t let it go to your head, Number B.

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Newcastle United – English Premier

Noob-reviled Hotspur now only lead Chelsea by two points in the table for the fourth and final Champions League invitation.  Two matches to go.

Newcastle are earning the “class prize” of sorts.  They’re in a four-way tie for 10th, easily the best position of any of the three clubs that were promoted to Premier this season.

Noobstrdamus Sees:  0-0!   Hotspur is playing sketchy ball down the stretch (yay!), while Newcastle have lost three straight – and not even to terribly strong competition.

RESULT:   Hotspur   1-0

  1. Juventus vs. AC Milan – Coppa Italia

The Final, at the Olympic Stadium in Rome!

AC Milan is 6th in league play.  Despite winning their last two matches, they have falling out of contention for even a Europa League berth.  This is the one game they have left that matters.

Juventus are now up six points over Napoli with two matches to go.  Any inkling they might’ve had to rest any starters is probably shoved aside now.  (3:00 PM, GOL TV)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Juve 2-1.  A late AC Milan goal will give them a few moments of hope.

RESULT:   Juve   4-0

Image result for coppa italia funny

 

 

Juve’s version of Justin Timberlake is decidedly not bringing sexy back.

  1. Tosno vs. Avangard Kursk – Russian Cup

Another Final!  Volgograd is the neutral site for this odd matchup.

Tosno were promoted to Premier last year, and are in position now to head right back to second-tier.  Kursk are a below-average team from the second-tier.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …a nation not caring much about this Final probably, not with their hosting of the World Cup imminent.

RESULT:   Tosno   2-1   chamPEEENS!

  1. Dynamo Kyiv vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – Ukrainian Cup

More Final?  Yes, please!   And this is a Final as it should be, with the historic and current league powerhouses coming together.  Dinipro is the neutral site city.

Last they played, in league, DKyiv won 0-1 at Shakhtar’s.   They’ve been scalding hot, not losing a league match since late February.  Donetsk have beaten all comers since that loss to DKyiv.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Kyiv 1-1, winning in pk’s.  Scoring for both has slowed some the last couple matches.

RESULT:   Shakhtar   0-2    Trophy time!

Image result for noobstradamus

 

But the prowess of Noobstradamus’ prognostication-ability never wanes!

That sounded cool, right?   Right?…

  1. Sturm Graz vs. Salzburg – Austrian Cup

Klagenfurt am Worthersee.  That’s fun to say.  It is where this Final is being held (neutral).

These two finished #B and #1 in league, but it wasn’t a close race.  Salzburg only lost twice, while SG did so 5x as often.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …a statement game-finish for Salzburg, 5-2.  SG’s weakness was easily goal-defense all season.

RESULT:   Sturm Graz   1-0  in AET

  1. Slavia Prague vs. Jablonec – Czech Cup

The barrage of Finals continues!  The neutral site city for this one is Mlada Boleslav.  They are #2 and #4 in the country’s best league, one with a pretty tight table up top.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Slavia Prague 3-2, in a barrage of goals!

RESULT:   Slavia Prague   3-1   (Hey, was close on one!)

Image result for czech cup funny

 

 

Admit it – you’re feelings for Czech football are moving in a positive direction.

  1. Beitar Jerusalem vs. Hapoel Haifa – Israeli Cup

Here’s a Final that’s actually not at a neutral site.  If league #B Beitar can control the pace, this would be a nifty one to watch.  They score and give up goals in spades.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …that defense travels!  Hapoel Haifa gets the upset, 1-2.

RESULT:   H Haifa   1-3    Woohoo!

  1. Slavia Sofia vs. Levski Sofia – Bulgarian Cup

This Final is at the national stadium in Sofia, though this season it’s also been Levski’s home pitch as well.

Levski looks like they will finish #3 in the league, get to play another final of sorts for a Europa League slot.  Slavia are “the best of the rest”, as they narrowly missed making the league championship subdivision.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Levski controlling the pace and getting a 0-0 draw, but then losing in PK!

RESULT:   Slavia Sofia   0-0 / 4-2 PK     OK, that was stunning.  Nailed it!

Image result for sofia bulgaria funny

 

So long from Sofia, Bulgaria!

Noob overpacked.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday – bring on the pain!

After a weekend of most glorious footyball from around the world, Noob brings the sadness!

Let’s spend our ten most important matches around the world today on teams fighting against or even resigned to Relegation.  Honor the falling and fallen.

First, a few matches that matter much for happier reasons —

  1. Denmark vs. Ukraine – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

Reminder:  Groups of five, winners advance, some of the best #B* finishers will play another qualifying round.

FIFA-ranked #13 Denmark trail #27 Ukraine by a point for Bth * in their Group.  Neither will catch Sweden to win it, so this is must-win for both sides.  Runner-up is their only shot, with nothing guaranteed even then.

RESULT:   Denmark   1-0

*Number B and B-th replace #2 and second in lists.  It’s a Quest for Change. Get on board, Noobites.

Image result for ronda rousey wwe

 

Now-WWE’s Rouna Rousey’s wrestling debut is done.  

So stay with the women’s sports today!

B.  “Red Bull” Leipzig vs. Bayer Leverkusen – Bundesliga

The German league title has been long since decided.  The top three seem clear.  But which club will get the fourth and final Champions League invite is up in the air and close.

Leipzig is in a tie for 4th, and has played one fewer game than their peer.  They are unbeaten since their ghastly February.  Leverkusen are behind them by only one point, and have also played one fewer game than most league teams.  Leverkusen haven’t scored in their last two league matches.  Advantage – Caffeinated Ones.  (2:30 PM Eastern, FS2)

RESULT:   Leverkusen   1-4    They are now in 4th.  Leipzig drops into a tie for 5th, and down on the tiebreaker.

Image result for too much Red bull

 

 

And welcome to the new world.

The world of Number B.

  1. FCSB vs. Craiova – Romania Liga I

#B hosts #3 in the league’s championship division, and they’ve played one fewer game each than #1.

FCSB only trails #1 by a point.  Craiova is another four back.  They need a win, stay alive with a draw, would be devastated by a loss.  Even as a top-20 league in Europe, this one only gets one Champions League berth.

RESULT:   FCSB   2-0

  1. France vs. Canadia – women’s international friendly

Women’s World Cup isn’t until next year, but say hello to a match that could be a Final as easily as any.  These are the #5 and #4-ranked teams in the world.  Noob doesn’t know how easily this is found in North America, but it’s on at 3:00 PM Eastern on TV5MONDE, a global French language broadcast channel.

RESULT:   France   1-0

Image result for tv5monde logo 2.5x the amount of monde as TV#BMONDE

 

 

And now, bring on the pain!!

  1. Genclerbirligi vs. Galatsaray – Turkey Super Lig

What better way to start the Relegation Watch sadness than in Turkey?  At least they get to host, but second-to-last place Gencler (yep, we’re tight like that) are hosting perhaps the league best team.  Genc-y only scores one about every other match, so this might get very ugly, very quickly.  (1:00 PM, beIN Sports)

Fun Fact:  Genclebirligi are knows as “The Wind of Ankara”.  It’s because they blow.

The Management:  Noob!

Fine.   It’s half-true anyway.

RESULT:   Gencler   1-0     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

  1. Estudiantes vs. Chacarita Juniors – Argentina Premier

Chacarita is on Relegation Monday enough to be charged rent.  They’re last in the multiyear table to determine which four clubs will get the boot, and by a lot.  Estudiantes are a midtable bunch.  (8:15 PM, TyC Sports International)

RESULT:   Chacarita   0-2      More Monday miracle action!

Image result

 

 

Yup.  Choco-rita.

  1. Juventus Bucaresti vs. Sepsi OSK – Romania Liga I

Romania – come for the featured championship subdivision match, stay for the wailing and gnashing of teeth!

These are the bottom two in the league’s Relegation Play-out subdivision.  They’re not so far back as to be without hope, so we may still see some fire in them.

Fun Fact:  Juventus Bucaresti are actually the intellectually-challenged spawn of Italian Juventus players from a generation ago, exiled to Romania.

The Management:  Noob!

What?  Make a new Page for the site and counter my claim there, The Management.  I’m working here.

RESULT:   Sepsi   0-2

  1. Etar vs. Dunav Ruse – Bulgaria First Pro League

This league has divided into championship and Relegation play-out subdivisions as well.  But why keep things simple?  They then divide the eight Play-out clubs into two smaller subdivisons.   The bottom two of each of those will play a bracketed tournament to see who stays and who goes.

These two are at the bottom of their subdivision and won’t be climbing up.  All that remains to be determined is which will host their bracketed-round match later on.

RESULT:   Etar   2-1

Fun Fact:  Etar are the Boyars, former Russian family of nobility

Image result for russian chef boyardee

 

 

Not Russian

  1. Vitez vs. Celik Zenica – Bosnia and Herzegovina Premier

Bottom two of the Relegation subdivision in one of UEFA’s weaker leagues.  Sadness upon sadness.

Fun Fact:  Vitez means “knight” in southern Slavic languages, and so their team is The Knights.

RESULT:   CZ   0-4

  1. Avellino vs. Perugia – Serie B

Is there any possible sunshine on a Relegation Monday?   Italy!

The bottom three are automatically booted to Serie C.  The next two have a Play-out match at season’s end, and the winner gets to stay up.  That’s where we find Avellino. And they’re statistically much better than the teams below them.   In fact, Noobstradamus is calling this one for the fighting Lupi!  #6 Perugia will fall.

RESULT:   Avellino   2-0     Wait, I got one right?  I mean, ummm… oh bloody hell.

Image result for noobstradamus

 

Perugua’s much to artsy-fartsy a city for me.  

(They make fun of my wardrobe there.)

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday! Quality football, a Bob Ross appearance, and The Management hurts Noob’s feelings

We’ve got a super-solid lineup for “the ten most important matches to follow for the newish American fan”, especially considering it’s a Friday!

Fear not.  By Track’s end, we’ll still Globetrot for one unusual desitination.  Until then, enjoy the weirdest soccer previewing on the interblag.

  1. New England Revolution vs. Montreal Impact – MLS

Both these clubs missed the Playoffs last season.  But they’ve each won two out of four early for promising starts.

Noob doesn’t think either have the offense to stay in the top half of the Eastern Conference standings.  Which might prove me wrong today though?  (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 8)

RESULT:   New England   4-0    Montreal lost a player to a red card pretty early.

Nostalgia time —

B.  England vs. Wales – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

Wales are 3-1-0 in this Group.  All three of their wins have been 1-0 (or 0-1).

England, meanwhile, are 3-0-0 and have outscored their opponents 15-zilch.  Wales make qualify for World Cup by finishing #B in this bunch, but they’ll be dragon soup today.

RESULT:   0-0     no soup for Noob

Image result for Letter B dragon

 

 

Danger!  Number B about to be carried away by dragon over soup-threat!

  1. Cardiff City vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – English Championship

The top two face off in England’s second division!  If they finish as such (likely), they’ll both be automatically promoted to Premier League next season.  Still, Fulham and Aston Villa aren’t that far back of Cardiff, so they’re still plenty motivated.

To win today, Cardiff will have to control the pace.  They play the best defense in that league.  WW have the best offense though.

RESULT:   Wolverhampton   0-1

  1. Puebla vs. Pachuca – Liga MX

Puebla are in a three-way tie for the last two spots in the table that will make the postseason Liguilla (playoffs).

Pachuca are only two points behind them, but have to leap several teams to make the top eight themselves.  Noob’s nowhere near convinced their wide-open style/Swiss cheese defense (though good offense) can get it done today.  (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Pachuca   2-6      Of course, Noob could be mistaken…

Image result for soccer swiss cheese

  1. Waterford vs. Cork City – Irish Premier

Promoted to Premier this season, Waterford continue to impress.  They’re tied for #B in the table, just a point off Cork City’s pace.   They don’t score anywhere near enough to likely stay there, but it’s fun to see new blood near the top for now.

RESULT:   Waterford   2-1    Waterford move into a tie for 1st.  4 red cards were issued in the final minute of regulation.  

  1. France vs. Nigeria –women’s international friendly

World Cup tuneup!   Maybe it’s a little early to call it that, since the women’s isn’t until 2019.    But France are automatically in as the host nation (and would qualify anyway, trust me).    Africa’s qualification tournament doesn’t start until summer, but Nigeria is one of that federation’s four strongest.  So tuneup, says I!

RESULT:   France   8-0     Apparently Nigeria tuned out

Image result for you're a little weird

 

 

 

 

Noob can relate.  Thanks, Bob.

  1. Sporting Charleroi vs. Anderlecht – Belgian First Division A

Belgium’s top league has divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions now. These two finished the regular season #B and #3, but Gent has now passed them both.  Since Belgium only gets two berths into Champions League, this is a vital match for both sides.

Charleroi better start finding the back of the net again.  They’re in a drought.

RESULT:   Anderlecht   1-2

  1. Ludogorets Razgrad vs. CSKA-Sofia – Bulgaria First Pro League

Bulgaria’s top league is ranked in the top half of UEFA (24th), but that’s still only good for one Champions league berth next year.  These two are #1 and #B, separated by only three points in the table, and very similar statistically as well.  Dynamite matchup.

RESULT:   Ludogorets Razgrad   3-2     Sofia went down a man to a red card early in the 2nd half.  LR scored the equalizer and winning goals very late.

Image result for soccer dynamite

  1. Jong Ajax vs. NEC Nijmegen – Dutch Eerste Divisie

It’s a tie for #B!   And they’re just a point out of 1st place, too.  As a reserve side, Jong Ajax isn’t eligible to be promoted.  But the Fighting Nijets are.

RESULT:   J.Ajax   3-2

The Management would like to apologize to our readers.  NEC are not the “Nijets” or even “Nidgets”, and even the correctly-spelled latter one would be a terrible nickname in any case.  Thank you for—

They didn’t seem to have a mascot.  So I gave them one.

You’re the Nidget.

That hurts me.  Just because you may be right doesn’t mean you don’t need to shut up.

  1. Waterhouse vs. Harbour View – Jamaica Premier

We need us some Jamaica time after that high drama!  4th place hosts 5th.  Noob leans libertarian-ish, so while not a user himself, smoke it if you’ve got it.

RESULT:   Waterhouse   2-1     Turns out this was played yesterday.  And that it was the second leg of a league playoff Quarterfinal!  Waterhouse advances on aggregate, 3-1.

Image result for relaxed soccer

 

 

 

That’s the spirit.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Thursday, 4/5 – plus Noob battles Dan the Intern-o Inferno

Plenty of high-quality footyball in today’s ten most important games for the newish American soccer fan to follow.

Just be warned, things might get ugly here with me and the Intern.   He’s a nefarious ne’er-do-well, and Noob should slash his non-existent pay yet again.

  1. U.S.A. vs. Mexico – international women’s friendly

Women’s World Cup isn’t until next year, but these two are already qualified.  They are ranked #1 and #25 respectively.  It shouldn’t be close, but it’s hard to know how much the game will be used by each team to test players who may or may not make the WC rosters.  (7:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   USA   4-1

Image result for so much freedom meme

 

 

Muricuh!

B.  Arsenal vs. CSKA Moscow – Europa League

And then there were eight.  Europe’s almost-but-not Champions League has reached the first leg of its Quarterfinals.   Some folks diss this event, but remember:  the winner gets an automatic invite to Champions League next year, no matter how they do in their league season.

Russia’s league actually ranks 6th in Europe.  But England is England.  Arsenal by a goal feels right.  (3:05 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Arsenal   4-1

Image result for russian letter B

 

Number B?  Um, Noob’s having trouble as it is getting folks on board with you replacing Number Two.

Going Russian for any length of time isn’t going to help.

  1. Red Bull Leipzig vs. Marseille – Europa League

These two are about as even as it gets, on paper.  Wish this one were going to be on teevee, could easily be the best match of the day.  But Fox is opting for Atletico Madrid and Sporting Lisbon on FS2.  Portugal sucks, that match won’t be close.  Fools!

RESULT:   Leipzig   1-0

  1. Bolivar vs. Atletico National – Copa Libertadores

Group Stage continues in South America’s version of Champions league.  Top two from each pod of four will advance to the Knockout Stage.

Colombia’s football is much stronger than Bolivia’s, and this match reflects that.  Still, Bolivar as host makes this about an even match.  Atletico have won both their Group matches, while Bolivar have drawn in theirs.  (8:30 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Bolivar   1-0

Image result for copa libertadores funnyYep, that’s a straight up Copa Libertadores punch.

And in South American football, that’s practically just flirting.

  1. Estudiantes vs. Santos – Copa Libertadores

Argentinian and Brazilian powers collide… and everyone gets yellow cards.  Klutzes.

RESULT:   Santos   0-1

  1. Switzerland vs. Scotland – UEFA women’s World Cup qualification

Seven Groups of five here.  The winners all qualify for World Cup.  The four best runners up will meet in a playoff.

Switzerland haven’t mathematically gotten in yet, but they’re running away with the Group.  Scotland are one of two teams next up at six points each in the table.  Mighty offense versus super defense.  FIFA ranks them #8 and #32, respectively.

RESULT:   Switzerland   1-0

Image result for switzerland scotland funny map

Gah!!

Thanks for the nightmares, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.

  1. Austria vs. Serbia – UEFA women’s World Cup qualification

Spain are going to win this group, so the battle is for the second slot and hoping for enough points to make the aforementioned Playoff.  Serbia have little hope, but Austria are in 3rd and can at least see some daylight.  They are FIFA-ranked #21 and #43.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Carabobo vs. Caracas – Venezuela Premier

#1 hosts #3 in one of South America’s lesser leagues.  They will get the minimum four berths into next year’s Copa Libertadores.  Carabobo play a wide open style, so look for lots o’ goals here.

RESULT:   0-0   or not…

Image result for screwing around at work

 

Smart move, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.

Noob’s coming for ya’!!

  1. SonderskyjE vs. Brondby – Denmark FA Cup

This is a Quarterfinal knockout match, pitting the 8th and 1st-place league teams against one another.  Brondby are probably considered a small favorite, even on the road.  Blah blah blahWHAT is up with that capital E on the end of that club name?!  Interrobang!   Aggressive need for knowledge!

RESULT:   Brondby   0-1   AET

  1. Suduva vs. Atlantas Klaipeda – Lithuania A Lyga

OK, deep breath after feature match #9.   We finish the Track with a league just a few games into its season.  That said, these clubs are already in familiar positions, 1st and 3rd place.  This is the 43rd-ranked league in Europe.

RESULT:   Suduva   2-1

Image result for workplace peace

 

 

 

Suggested reading for Noob, Dan-o?

Noob’s going with Art of War.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Midweek Edition, 3/27-29

Noob will have more on these first five matches of the Midweek soon, plus the other five.

  1. USA vs. Paraguay – international friendly

FIFA-ranked 25th and 30th best teams, just kicking it around.  American man’s national team still has an interim manager in place, having fired Bruce Arena after the U.S. failed to qualify for World Cup.  Paraguay missed out as well.  (7:30 PM Eastern, FS1, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   USA   1-0    U.S. penalty kick at end of first half is the winner

Image result for freedom funny

 

 

 

Muricuh!!

 

 

 

B.  Mexico vs. Croatia – international friendly

These two qualified for World Cup, so this is a tuneup for both.  They’re ranked #17 and #15 in the world.  (10:00 PM, FS1, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Croatia   0-1

Image result for letter B friendly

 

 

The friendliest Number B of all

3.  England vs. Italy

#16 and #14 face off in what, still shockingly, is only a WC warmup for the hosts.  Italy hadn’t failed to qualify in like a half century or so.  (3:00 PM, Fs1, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1    Italy scored the late equalizer after a penalty was called via use of VAR (Video Assistant Referee)

  1. Athlone Town vs. UCD – League of Ireland Cup

The First Round of not-the-FA-Cup rolls on!  These two are both in Ireland’s second-tier league.  It’s very early, but University College Dublin are in 1st, Athlone Town last.

RESULT:   UCD   0-2

Image result for university college dublin football

 

UCD’s secret to success?  Water pitch.

  1. Peñarol vs. Danubio – Uruguay Premier

#1 hosts #4 here.   How is Danubio 4th?  They have nearly the worst offense in the league.

RESULT:   1-1

Wednesday, 3/28

6.  Seattle Sounders II vs. Fresno FC – USL

Welcome to the Track, expansion division two Fresno!  They opened with a loss at home to fellow expansion team Las Vegas Lights, then got a draw hosting LA Galaxy’s reserve side.  Their first road test comes against Seattle squad that likes to play wide open.

RESULT:   Fresno   0-1

Fresno FC.PNG

7.  Barcelona vs. Lyon – UEFA Women’s Champions League

This is the second leg of the Quarterfinall.  Defending champions Lyon got a late-ish goal to take a 2-1 lead at home in the first leg.

RESULT:   Lyon 0-1      On to the semifinals for the French

8.  Linkopings vs. Manchester City – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Man City lead the Finnish side 2-0 after the first leg.

RESULT:   Man City   3-5     They led 0-4 at the half

Image result for finnish soccer funny

 

Is this real?  Yes.

Is this Champions League?  Probably not.

9.  Chelsea vs. Montpelier – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Chelsea won in France 2-0 to start the tie.

RESULT:   Chelsea   3-1

Thursday, 3/29

10.  Vendsyssel vs. Esjberg – Denmark First Division

Another first-time Track visitor!  Like in many countries, the “first division” is the second-tier league, and so it is in Denmark.

Only the league champ will be automatically promoted into the country’s Super Liga.  The next two will have a playoffs, and that’s these two right now.  The race is very tight, and half the league is within ten points of 1st.

RESULT:   Vendsyssel   3-2     Esjberg equalized in the 86′ only to see Vendsyssel win it at 90′

Football efb logo.png

 

Critiquing crests is easy and cheap, but c’mon, EfB.  This looks like like a old- time-y ice cream shop sign.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches Midweek edition – UEFA Champions League, ladies’ style

Romantic lady/ Single baby/ Mm, sophisticated mama /Come on you disco lady, yeah /Play with me tonight mama, yeah

Is Kool & The Gang the right way to intro a week headlined by UEFA Women’s Champions League?

Does a Catholic bear crap in the Pope’s woods?

*bonnnnggggg*

Tuesday, 3/20

Move along!   No interesting soccer matches to be seen today.

Wednesday, 3/21

  1. Montpelier vs. Chelsea Ladies – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Noob is particularly Noob when it comes to the women’s international game.  But I gather there are no underdogs left in this field.  This is the first leg of a Quarterfinal tie.

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-2

B.  Manchester City vs. Linkopings – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Linkopings are from Finland.

RESULT:   Man City   2-0

Image result for swedish letter BDan “the Intern-o Inferno” doesn’t differentiate between Laplandic Number B’s.

  1. Liechtenstein vs. Andorra – international friendly

For all the crazy-spelled club names Noob’s been learning, turns out I can’t spell “Liechtenstein” without looking at it.  I don’t want that first E there.  Thanks for making me feel bad about myself, European microstate.   You know, I visited you once.  Stopped and had ice cream on my way to Netherlands.

Andorra – I got nothin’ for ya’.  These two national teams are FIFA-ranked 181 and 130, respectively.

RESULT:   Andorra   0-1

Image result for liechtenstein meme

 

 

 

Gah!!

 

 

 

Thursday, 3/22

  1. Lyon vs. Barcelona – UEFA Women’s Champions League

OK, I can at least tell you Lyon are the two-time defending champs.

RESULT:   Lyon   2-1      Close enough to make the upcoming second leg in Barcelona really interesting

  1. Wolfsburg vs. Slavia Prague – UEFA Women’s Champions League

Noob’s last name means “wolf” in dialectical German from circa 1500.  I wonder if my forefathers are from Wolfsburg.  Probably not.  Wolf’s pretty common, even with an E.

RESULT:   Wolfsburg   5-0    Less drama here when they return to the Czech Republic

  1. Kyrgyzstan vs. Myanmar – Asian Cup qualification

The last Group Stage is underway as teams try and qualify for Asian Cup.  The winner of that whole shebang will get to represent the continental federation at the next Club World Cup.

These two are #B and #3 in their Group of four.  Top two finishers will make the Asian Cup.  FIFA ranks the teams #115 and #142 worldwide.

RESULT:   Kyrgyzstan   5-1

Image result for ashamed office employeeNoob hurt Dan “the Intern-o Inferno”‘s feeweeings at Number B.

Buck up, buttercup.

  1. Denmark vs. Panama – international friendly

These two continue to tune up for World Cup.  For the first time ever, three Laplandic countries have qualified, and Denmark are one.  Panama have qualified for the first time in their nation’s history.  FIFA ranks them #12 and #53.

RESULT:   Denmark   1-0

  1. China vs. Wales – international friendly

Wales is a curious case – their Premier League is near the bottom of Europa in strength, but their national team is ranked about 20th in the world.  FIFA ranked China’s #65.

RESULT:   Wales   0-6

Image result for censored middle finger

 

Dan “the Intern-o Inferno” is not a master of subtlety.

  1. Faroe Islands vs. Latvia – international friendly

If you play Scrabble or Words With Friends, you likely know the word OE.  Well, it’s a storm from the Faroe Islands.  Very specific.  Latvia – I’ve got nothin’ for ya’.  #’s 97 and 131.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Malta vs. Luxembourg – international friendly

Despite the face that it might be easy for one to leave out the O, Noob has no issues spelling Luxembourg cheat-free.  See, Liechtenstein?  You could learn something from Luxembourg.

I don’t really know what. But something…

RESULT:   0-1   Luxembourg

Image result for hug it out funny

 

Noob will politely pass, Dan.

 

Hey, The Management, did we require psych evals as part of the intern apps?